Sex and the Narcissist

No holds barred and no strings attached

The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform

Read about how the narcissist views and uses sex and how you are central in that

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94 Comments

  1. HG is it normal for a man to move me from position to position? (The one who choked me). Like he picks the position and moves me when he decides it’s time to change.
    Is wanting to do anal normal? He asked if I’d done it before. I said no, he said he’d do it slowly. Straight away I cried- and he said are you alright and stopped.

    1. The adoption of positions and putting you in poses is indicative of a need to control and is an indicator of narcissism.

      Interest in anal sex is not an indicator of narcissism.

      1. Thank you HG 💖🌷I’ve only been with Narcs and they all manovered me. I wouldn’t even question it if it weren’t for your insightful book.

        He is more likeable and smarter than the LMR so maybe MMR, I’ll do your Narc detector soon ☺ thank you

        1. Whitney I feel like if you are
          Coming on here asking… that’s an indicator whatever he is doing is making you feel uncomfortable.

          my narc wasn’t super controlling in the bedroom… It was headed that way though for sure. But if you’re OK with adopting poses or being choked or anal and he has your consent that’s fine. But it’s sounds like there is discomfort and uncertainty.

          Also there is HG telling you he’s a narc.

          Women often feel the need to second guess themselves. There is this need to please men as if if we don’t give in to what they want that means we will end up old and alone. You don’t need this mans approval. You don’t need to do things that make you uncomfortable. And you certainly don’t need to apologize for it. Easier said then done… I understand all too well.

          Plenty of fish in the sea. Throw this one back in.

          1. Thanks empath 😊 I’m not uncomfortable, he’d stop if I said no.
            I’m just trying to figure him out.
            He’s nice, like he asks so much if I’m cold. He put a heater in front of me and gave me his coat, asks if I have a coat to go out, when we get there he asks where my coat is, etc. Also gives me food.

      2. Just how do you know normal men don’t suck in bed since you are not there doing it?? I think it’s a fair question.

        1. Because I have listened to what ex-girlfriends have said about such men, female friends also.

        2. Claire It’s actually in my experience, quite rare for men to suck in bed. The two that were very bad were cerebrals. Most men are usually OK if not good. Very very rarely do you get those that are exceptional.

          1. Eh, look who’s never had to deal with mister five minutes : P

            (Jk, I kinda agree)

          2. Ha ha NB! Now, I don’t lack to brag or owt but one of the Cerebrals came in his pants as I lay down all seductive like on the bed. Shocked? Not half! He was in his thirties too!

          3. Ha! That does seem pretty complimentary if you’d not touched him. Having commenced things it just seems lazy and self-centered, but I suppose it could be a similar thing. Still no fun.

          4. Well it was the only time it ever happened quite that fast! Unfortunately, it happened another three times that evening.
            He was an intelligent guy but he refused to go down on me. At tgat time, I was very single and just wanted a bit of fun.
            That was not my idea of fun.
            I could’ve overlooked the PE but his clear distaste for oral saud only only thing; he’s a selfish lover who very probably regards females as unclean. We were from two very different cultures and before anyone jumps at me, I talked this through with two males who were also not from my background and both are from two completely different areas of the globe.
            I was very disappointed in him for this and for that rather than the PE, he never got a second chance.
            Cheeky fucker even tried to invignle me in accepting him turning up at the door for sex! Univinted!

          5. Ugh, that sounds devaluing, Ren. I don’t think well of people who are not open about oral sex. Lack of generosity and sharing is not at all attractive, I really like mutual energy and empathy in sex as well, it is creative. Definitely sounds like an entitled person.

          6. Yeah, it was. Of course, the old double standard applies. He loved me doing it. I’m obviously not hitting the HEC cos he’s gone very quiet.
            I couldn’t be arsed blocking him so every now and then, I’d get this feeble hoover.
            I finally pointed out to him that the oral sex was a deal breaker and in typical weasel fashion beloved of the middles he said ‘He was now on-board with the idea.’
            God, they are fucking hilarious. They’re like children – so easy to see through.

          7. My Narcs would go for 30min to an hour, then wanna have sex again right after and they’d cum instantly the second time. The guy who choked me did this. Wondering if it’s a Narc thing.

          8. Aww Whitney! Thank you! It’s really lovely to be able to come on here today and share some really good news. I’m having an amazing week and it’s only Tuesday! I was treated at the weekend to Metropolis with a live band. Man, that was good! Then yesterday I had another amazing thing happen. This morning I woke up to a game changing phone call. I’m on cloud 9 and your comment has put the hat on it for me today. I’m all floaty!
            I do have a very soft emotional spot around all areas of sex and empathy because for such a long time it was horrible and sometimes criminal for me.
            When I left my husband in 2014 I knew nothing. Nothing about dating, the games narcs play to get their own way. For a good three years, I was floundering. Then I came home. To here.
            My life has changed for the better. Only right I pay it forward x

          9. Renarde sooo happy for you 😃 you deserve everything good, you are a very kind person, funny, easy to get along with, wise, interesting… you deserve the best and so glad you are happy. Reading your nice response has made me feel so happy and so did all your other replies!
            I was with my only one for 12 years and I really have no experience with sex. Same as you in 2014!

          10. Btw this guy who choked me quit a very good skilled professional job a month ago to start a business like me, and this is what he’s been up to- buying a custom made suit for thousands of dollars, looking at cologne that costs hundreds of dollars, and getting a very expensive haircut.
            Haha the Narcs I’ve known all want businesses because they love control but they have no interest in business.

          11. Renarde, I do think they change their minds more easily since the initial reason for a decision is questionable at best, so minor threats can bring about sudden revelations.

      3. Interesting topic you’ve got going on here. If the guy would not ask me to adopt different positions I’d be asking questions about his experience in bed, and I would be asking him to adopt new positions. The posing is creepy. Not sure what that says about me but new positions are a must to break the monotony.

        1. Sniglet, I usually desire to be put into different positions. I have been questioning my sanity on things like that for some time. I usually just come to the conclusion that there is a happy medium and I have witnessed it, so red flag watching and intuition it is.

          1. Nunya Biz, exactly right – watch for red flags and follow your intuition. I know my standards and if I like something and hurts nobody I don’t even give it a second thought. I just go for it.

          2. I have some familiarity with impulsivity : (
            And spontaneity! Which I like.
            This guy seems concerning based on other posts.

            My intuition works very well, unfortunately sometimes it was telling me the opposite of what I thought, weirdly.

        2. Very wise Sniglet. There are nuances here as well. Pushing and pulling the passive partner into positions is not always about making them feel good in itself. With the ones who REALLY get the sex manip. There is far more energy to be gained via this route. I do take the point that somatics are far more likely to pose.

    2. Whitney
      It sounds like he is attempting to recreate porn scenes that he has watched. You’re his puppet. Have you read Sex And The Narcissist? I strongly advise you do, and as well, have a consultation with HG. Your emotional thinking is causing you to explain away his behaviour so far, but I find it alarming and think he’s just getting started in conditioning you to accept further abuses.

      1. NarcAngel you are very smart. I think he is copying porn. Why does that mean he’s bad though?

        1. Because he is a narcissist and that means you will suffer in a variety of different ways.

          1. Yes, Whitney, it’s not necessarily that individual behaviors are “bad” (some can seem “good”, that’s the point also), it’s what they add up to and it’s definitely a problem. I agree with NA, I hope you consult soon.

          2. But HG he could be copying porn because he’s trying to do a good job or he likes it. It doesn’t mean he’s a narcissist

          3. It is indicative not determinative, yes, but allied with the other behaviours you have described there are reasons you should be very careful with regard to this individual.

          4. Whitney – he’s a narc. You’ve become or in danger of becoming what I call ‘cunt locked’. Excuse my French.

            I mentioned upthread that he is testing your boundaries and I’m even more convinced of that now.

            Can I ask, are you in love?

          5. HG, one of the things the Somatic Lesser said to me was, ‘The only place I seek to control a woman is in the bedroom.’

            At the time I took this as adventurous/alluring/playful. While I know what he is, would a statement like that be a definite red flag? Even if the victim believes she wants to submit?

          6. Thank you HG you have the patience of a saint. You are a really good person. You’re the only person who doesn’t get frustrated with me.

          7. Thank you 🙌 you are a perfect teacher.
            I believe you are always right but I have to suspend my own perceptions to adopt your advice 🤯 it takes a while and my brain always flickers back to my perception that a person is good

          8. All I can say is if you have landed here there is a high possibility this guy is a narc. When you start having to search internet about behavior you are witnessing there is a good chance there is something very wrong

          9. Really appreciate your perception Renard.
            Uhhh nope I’m not in love. When I am, it’s extremely intense. I can’t do that unless it’s safe. My last, a Narc, I knew wasn’t safe and I didn’t fall completely in love with him but I was still extremely intensely attached to him.
            I attach very strongly.
            This guy who choked me started talking to another girl at our sport 😔 and they just became facebook friends. She is ugly and has impulse control problems I think that’s his type 😑 his ex girlfriend was like that. Uh I want to delete him from Facebook but I’ll miss him soon and regret it.

          10. Honey, if you regret it then you do have ‘the feels’. Sorry x
            Entering into any kind of relationship with a person who you know to be Narcassitic is frought. If you can keep a clear and robust baseline as to what you find acceptable/not acceptable then it may and I repeat may be possible.
            But in reality it’s pretty much always doomed as our ET always and I repeat always blind sides us.
            Take care Whitney x

          11. Renard can you tell me how you know he is a Narc based on what I typed? People are complex and there’s so much more I could say about him. Thank you for your help

          12. It cannot be stated for definite based on the information that you have provided as there are indicators but it is not determinative. More information is required in order to provide an accurate and detailed assessment. That is the whole point of the Narc Detector Consultation.

          13. Well initially because I recognise you as an Empath, it’s highly likely you’ve picked up a Narc. But as HG says, it’s an indicator. What really gave me pause is the degree of aggression and simply the fact is clearly worrying you. Plus clear signs of boundary pushing.
            If you look upthread, when it began a few people were careful to say, not an Empath.
            However your later posts are now black flagging for me, big style.
            I also urge you to do a consult. Don’t know if you’ve had one before but I really recommend it.

          14. Thanks Renard, yes I’m popular with Narcs, I had two Narc detectors, one was LMR Somatic and one was UMR Elite. The other man I’ve been with was psycho. Other Narcs tried to ensnare me over the past year.
            I’m addicted to them.
            The one who choked me is more likeable and has better people skills than the LMR Somatic and UMR Elite. I think he’s MMR. He’s not victim and lessers are victim Narcs right.

        2. Whitney, the very fact that you keep asking questions is an indicator that deep down you don’t like what he is doing but want to find a need to justify it. I recall you asking ‘is this normal’ as though you need permission to not like something (if everyone else does it then maybe it is me).

          One of my narc bfs (the one who nicknamed me ‘pb’ because that is the chemical symbol for lead) used to complain b/c I would not swallow. He used to say how his ex swallowed his spunk every time and that if I remained unwilling to do it, then ‘she would always have something over on me.’

          I responded with, ‘Can I just spit it on your stomach?’ He recoiled at the thought, wherein I said, ‘Yeah, it’s nasty. And you expect me to swallow that shit? Go jump in a lake.’

  2. J.G

    Got to be honest, I don’t really follow a lot of what you have written and I would gently suggest you are overthinking this one. To my mind (SATN explains it perfectly) it’s all to do with cadre more than school and if you are a IPPS or a IPSS.

    I’ve had the misfortune to tangle with all cadres either as IPPS or IPSS. It’s far, far preferable from a purely sex point of view when you are functioning as a IPSS. Ranking in order of brilliance, worst first.

    Cerebral – IPSS – Rubbish. Truly awful.
    Victim – IPPS – Not bad but are overtly aggressive with some technique.
    Somatic – IPSS – Outstanding. They lack the ability to connect on all levels however.
    Elite – IPPS – Very good to begin with but once the devalue started, I felt like a manikin.
    Elite – IPPS – Out of this world. Great sex always begins in the mind so when the Elite begins their intelligence coupled with great skill. Interstellar. As a devalue is rare you truly truly believe you are at the centre of his world.

    Hope this helps.

  3. HG 🌹 if a man choked me during sex is that normal? What does it mean, is it a warning sign?

    1. If you consented to being choked and were able to give a signal for it to halt when you wanted to and that individual would always stop, then that is a normal dynamic for you and that partner. It is not a mainstream behaviour between sexual partners but some people enjoy it but it is done within consensual and established parameters.
      If he did so without your consent or did so with your consent and then failed to stop when you indicated you wanted him to do so that is abuse. It is a strong indicator you are dealing with a narcissist.

      1. Thank you HG 💖 we didn’t speak about it. He did it from behind me with his arm and later with his hand. It wasn’t tight, I could fully breathe. Why is it an indicator of narcissism? Thank you 💖🌹

        1. 1. Control.
          2. Lack of boundary recognition.
          3. Lack of emotional empathy.
          4. Sense of entitlement.
          5. Grandiosity.
          6. Abuse.

        2. With his arm Whitney? Good God that’s dangerous indeed! Hope you are out of that one?

          1. Renard yes his arms around me like an embrace. This happened today. I could fully breathe and it didn’t hurt. I think it was a dominant gesture. Thank You Renard.

          2. Im incredibly worried for you. It’s actually a very aggressive gesture and it’s a boundary push – a test. Clearly it has bothered you or you wouldn’t have posted. However, next time he pay well push this.

            Is he a lesser?

          3. Thank you Renarde you are very sweet. If he were a Narc he’d be Midrange. I think he’s a Carrier Empath not a Narc.

          4. It didn’t bother me Renard. I just haven’t been with many people so I was wondering if it was normal.

          5. Hi Whitney, it shouldn’t matter if it’s the norm or not with most people. If you sincerely do not like it, you need to address that with him, whether he’s a narc or not. My husband and I grew up from different cultures. In my culture women are treated like a delicate flower. My husband liked to rough house with me not during sex but on a daily basis like gently punching the side of my upper arm or pushing the back of my head or hitting me with a pillow which he thought were all playful and funny. I told him that I don’t like it. So he stopped. He was obviously offended at first and thought that I was too sensitive blah blah blah. But he eventually got over it. I told him that even though he thinks he’s gentle it still hurts me and it’s not what I pictured my married life to be. Especially the pushing my head; in my country it is a move that is also an insult or a show that the person is inferior so I didn’t like it. It’s probably acceptable in the American culture but it is irrelevant to me. What’s important is how YOU feel about it as the person receiving it.

          6. MP
            That behaviour is insulting and unnecessary anywhere. There is no need for adults to rough-house. It is an act of attempted dominance and in some cases, if accepted, can lead to physical abuse.

          7. I thought the same when I read MP’s comment. I don’t think that’s acceptable in many cultures, including the US.

          8. Actually today it feels slightly uncomfortable on my glands/airways or something. The 3 psychos I was with before him wouldn’t have done that even if I asked. It’s crazy how I only attract psychos and they end up making each other look good in comparison.

          9. Right I see. Sounds like the soft tissues have been bruised somewhat. You should be OK but if it get’s worse then you need a Doc. Bruising like that can take a while (24/48 hours) to show properly.

            I think what worries me here is that it appears as if things are being introduced that you are not really in proper agreement with. If that isn’t so, then I apologise.

            Everything and I mean everything in the bedroom needs to be negotiated before hand if you are wishing to explore kink.

            Breath play (any sort) is a form of edge play. That is play where there is a significant risk of emotional, psychological or physical harm.

            Please keep yourself safe. I’m always here, the resident BDSM expert (hah!) if you need any help.

          10. Thank you Renard soo much for caring. I didn’t know it was a big deal he choked me. Glad I know now

          11. Thank you NA and Lou, it does make me feel good that it is confirmed that I’m not so odd to not like that after all. He said he was just playing and I told him that I don’t like it. It does feel like a show of dominance with the way those gestures were done. He did it with his youngest daughter and middle child son way before I was in the picture. I have not seen him do it with his oldest daughter but her personality is very serious. Sometimes I was shocked that he would pull his youngest daughter’s hair and they were both laughing. He also pushes their heads and they try to grab him and do the same but he’s taller so they couldn’t reach him. It’s kind of funny to watch them but sometimes it’s weird. But he did stop when I told him that I don’t like it. And thank you NA and Lou for removing the doubts in my mind that’s I was just too sensitive with that. 💕

            Hi Whitney, I agree with Renarde. It is best to not accept these things that we don’t like so we nip it in the bud. I’m sorry that your glands are hurting. You should show it to him and if he really cares about you he will not do that again.

        3. Hi Whitney,

          You should *not* show your glands to him but to a doctor, ASAP.

          He or she will ask you how it happened and will ask you other questions to determine if there is abuse going on.

          It is important that you get this documented.

          1. Hmm, rethinking what I said. Lisk is right. You should start documenting these things.

          2. Thanks! I’m totally fine. Definitely no bruise. No idea if my neck was uncomfortable or if it was in my head.

            I don’t know this guy very well but I think he’s empathetic. Always helping people, good listener, diverts conversation back to the other person, etc. I think he’s watched too much porn or he thought I liked it. Anyway don’t worry I am safe and happy.

          3. Whitney,
            I’m glad you are safe and happy; also I am thankful you asked the questions you did!
            Please be careful. I don’t want to scare you or get you to think everyone is a narcissist. He may be an empath or normal who got caught up in the moment and used a maneuver from something he saw. I would normally expect that an empath or normal would ask first as it isn’t a common move and they would recognize that not everyone would be into it; nor would they want to scare you away from continuing that moment or even future moments by just doing and not asking. That was a lot of risk of losing you. If there was some reason that he was so caught in the moment that he couldn’t ask before he did it, I would have assumed that an empath or normal would follow up immediately with an “I’m sorry I overstepped and did that. Are you ok? Were you ok with it?” I do believe though that that move would be more of a check- before-doing-move. Not only could he have lost you then or later by you saying “WTH, you’re crazy and I never want to see you again,” but he could have faced a physical reaction from some people’s natural instinct to go into fight, flight, or freeze. You didn’t know what was coming and you could be a fighter in a moment of fear (elbow to face, back kick to a leg, punch to the gut, etc.)

            You mentioned the belief that he could be a Carrier Empath. This may be an opportunity to do a consultation with HG. Both of my narcissists helped others in different ways, one even when he thought no one was looking; both of my narcissists listened well or gave the appearance of listening well; and both diverted conversations back to the other person a lot. They enjoy conversations. I have learned, for myself,
            that narcissist behaviors may be similar but they are not exactly alike. My two are similar in some ways but very different in others. I was busy looking for the red flags and behavior of my ex husband in the next one that when I didn’t see them, I thought he couldn’t be a narcissist. What I was missing were the red flags he was showing himself.

          4. Getting There- thanks for explaining things to me! 💕💖

            All Narcs are different so I miss them too. That’s one reason HG’s work is so important, he explains different types of Narcs and different dynamics.

            This guy who choked me is the best looking guy I’ve ever seen 😍😱 At first I was flattered and proud. I was surprised when he planned to do so many things together. He offered to install security cameras and clean my business, he said he loves cleaning and he’ll do it for fun.

            I’m not sure but he could be the worst Narc. The 3 before him were gentle. They would stroke my hair, my face, hug me, spoon me. This guy is not as affectionate. The other 3 Narcs would NOT have choked me even if I asked. I don’t see Narcs as only bad people, I think they have good and bad. I think they have attachment disorder but they are humans with plenty of human feelings.

          5. Whitney

            Alarm bells and flashing lights went off when I read:

            “He offered to install security cameras and clean my business.”

            You do not know this person. Do NOT give him or anyone this kind of access.

            He is offering so that you give him access to the business. Keys for example to “clean” (read snoop or steal) after hours. Security cameras not for your protection but rather used by him to spy on you.

            This is a guy who has breached boundaries already by choking you. Your judgement is compromised by the fact that he is so good looking and interested in you and the fact that your empathic traits are looking for good (he wants to help me). I see only danger and would cut all contact immediately. I am seriously concerned for you.

          6. There are significant red flags flying here. NA is correct. Your ET (Whitney) is blinding you.

          7. Hello, Whitney.
            It is such a good feeling when a great looking man wants to be with us and wants to help us. A man who likes to clean? That is definitely attractive. It sounds like you have different experiences with narcissists; I’m sorry! If he is a narcissist, based on the input from HG, Renarde, and all, he is one that has shown abuse and aggression very early on. If that is the case, then it can and possibly will get worse. Please be very careful.

            Regardless of what this new guy is or isn’t, he did something without thinking of your reaction or enjoyment. He didn’t consider your feelings in talking about it as an option. I think empaths and normals can act in ways that don’t always consider how another will feel. The difference is in the discussion about it later as well as the actions that follow the discussion (both short and long term actions).
            Have you talked to him about it?

            I understand your view of narcissists. Personally I am unable to mentally jump to the conclusion anyone is pure “bad.” I recognize that people do bad things. Some need to be in jail for the bad things and stay away from others for the rest of their lives to prevent further harm. I just don’t think “narcissist bad, empath good, normal ok.” The one thing to remember is that you don’t deserve to be treated in an abusive way by anyone.
            I hope your throat is feeling better!

          8. Thanks for helping everyone!
            HG I believe you because you’re always right

          9. Getting There 🤗 my throat is fine. I didn’t talk to him about it because I think he’s an empath and he would feel terrible about it.
            Don’t worry, I believe what HG said.

          10. ^^^ THIS!!!!

            I do know for practical sure because 1 – I’m a Dom and 2 – I’m obviously an Empath

            I would never NEVER plan a scene which hadn’t been fully negotiated before hand. A ‘true’ Dominant who is not a Narc won’t do either.

            GOSO honey before you really are caught up in the maelstrom of ET.

          11. Whitney

            He isn’t an Empath. Just your description of him feels like a projection of yours on to him.
            In my opinion you need to step back for a while to clear your emotions.

          12. I have to chime in and say I second what NA and HG are saying. These are red flags, Whitney.

            Narcissists will divert attention onto you in the beginning because they want to know all about you and will later use that for their aims.

            As example, for the 1st 2 yrs I knew the Mid Ranger, he wanted to know all about me. He even had a blog where he wrote mostly every post about me and my work. (He has since long deleted it–so much for that!)

            He used to say things like, ‘I sometimes try to imagine what your childhood was like and what you were like then.’

            Now, these are nice gestures, certainly and I have had close empathic friends say similar but the difference with the Mid Ranger was he never spoke about himself or shared anything too personal. This is why I was confused with regards to his narcissism, as I assumed all narcs ever did was speak about themselves. The part about ‘helping’ was oblivious to me, then.

            As my 7 yr friendship with him unfolded, when he was devaluing me, he never once ever asked how I was or anything about me. I even called him on it and told him I wanted him to ask me more questions and not just assume the worst when it came to my intentions. One extreme to the other.

            The Somatic Lesser was very good looking and he would use buff photos of himself to lure single moms his way. ‘Wow, this great looking guy is interested in me? How amazing!’

            Which is of course what he wants you to feel. Take care, Whitney. Please keep us updated.

          13. Whitney,
            I’m glad your throat is fine. I’m also glad you trust what HG is telling you about this guy. Do you think you will be able to implement no contact at this point?

            Is your office area security camera free at this point? Does he have a key to your office? I know no one wants you scared, only cautious and protecting yourself. I’m sorry you are going to go through the emotional sea; we are all here for you!

          14. Hey thanks for the help everyone.. and HG 🙌 💖

            Thanks Twilight I think everyone is an Empath.

            Bibi thanks for telling me how your Narc was inquisitive about you. It’s good to compare. Actually the UMR and two who tried to ensnare me were obsessed with learning about me.

            Getting There, I sit here at my shop, it’s open. I told him he can visit anytime. Don’t worry there are neighbours.

            I met him at a mixed social sport. He’s been going there for 5yrs. I started in January this year. There are about 50 guys and girls there. Another Narcissist there likes me (the leader of the group), and he has started excluding the guy who choked me from social events but inviting me.

            Don’t worry I’m not in love with the guy who choked me. I believe my Emotional Thinking because it’s my Thinking. But I also know my Thinking is untrue, from past experience. So I can hold two thoughts at once…this is “Cognitive Dissonance”.

          15. After the LMR Somatic I’m addicted to narcissists. Over the last 2yrs I have various Narcs fighting and trying to ensnare me. It’s a whirlwind. I need to go back to real life. The LMR Somatic was the biggest character of all. He was very entertaining.
            Before all of this I was with a psychopath for 12yrs. I hardly left the house. Now I know why he was controlling of me.

          16. Hey Renard thanks for your help.

            It’s interesting how you are Dom and an Empath because I was wondering if sexual Dominance was intrinsically linked to Narcissism.

            On our first date he said he “needs control” and I said “I don’t need control”, and he said “it’s a perfect match then”. (I told HG this on another thread).
            Because I have codependent traits when I’m with a narcissist I instantly let them make every decision. Like in ‘Chained: The Narcissist’s Co-dependent’. I was like this with him.

          17. Whitney, I’m glad you are safe and have neighbors! Please take care of yourself, not with just this guy, but in the future.

        4. Holy shit. You saying this just sparked in me a memory. My college bf choked me just in the way you describe. From behind with his arm/elbow–aggressively. He could never pass by a mirror without looking in it.

          I dumped his ass long ago. (He was a moron and I never felt any deep connection to him so I never went through any PTSD like I did with the gay Mid Ranger. It’s almost as though I wasn’t behaving as an empath.)

          Shit, have I only ever attracted narcissists? I completely forgot about this until reading your post.

          And I agree–Renarde you’re such a sweetheart.

          But the reason I clicked on this is to say I am looking forward to HG’s book. It is there. Saved on my phone. Awaiting me one stormy–or sunny–evening. But preferably stormy. I love storms.

  4. Hello, H.G.Tudor.
    Sex and narcissism really are the centerpiece of the narcissistic problem. Most narcissists have a sexual dysfunction that prevents them from having a “healthy” sexual relationship. I really believe that the narcissist is afraid to explain what these are to his partner because of the fear of rejection and abandonment. The narcissist punishes his partner again and again when he is sexually frustrated. Most narcissists practice sexual and emotional triangulation with their victims. The object of desire, which does not excite you sexually due to its paraphilia triolism, traulism or Candualism, voyeurism, sadism, porncopy, etc..
    It is for this reason that the narcissist tends to consume and practice and see many of these practices in pornography and are often addicted. The object of his motivation MOTIVATION is a very important word. The motivation is the frustration to their sexuality, and to the impossibility of reaching sexual excitement if it is not through their paraphilias certainly bizarre.
    This is the case of my narcissist. In order to obtain gratification, revaluation, and achieve sexual excitement he needs to be observed by his IPPS inverted channeling, or at least to make this person subsequently aware of the fact, devaluing it and obtaining sexual excitement by being desired by others to have sex with them and devaluing his partner and seeing her as the horned one. The narcissist controls and manipulates the scene to get control and get what he wants. This will always be so, as it is an act of revenge (sadism) for some criticism of his person or the mere fact of their sexual needs and fuel procurement. (emotional care) Generating in their victims bewilderment, pain, anxiety, anguish, fear of losing it, their plunging into hell to contemplate involuntarily such a fact. This succeeded the narcissist sexually, and makes it possible to successfully conclude the copulation with a third person who is not the object of his desire.

    My experience, my involuntary and unconscious participation in more than 1500 triangulations, my analyzed memories and certain specific memories in which involuntarily and unconsciously I frustrate these triangulations with their terrible consequences, today endorse this affirmation, specifies in the concrete case of my narcissist. Other narcissists, may have other types of paraphilias and therefore behave differently.

Vent Your Spleen!

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