It is well-known that our kind does not do responsibility. We are not to be held to account. We are never culpable. Nothing is ever our fault. We are free to act as we please, doing what we want without concern for repercussion or consequence. Responsibility does not figure in our considerations. There is a considerable deficit on our side of the equation when it comes to shouldering responsibility. Nature abhors a vacuum however and therefore since we create such an absence of responsibility, this raises the question who is going to step in and accept responsibility? Who is going to take on more than their fair share of accountability? Who is going to plug the culpability gap? The answer, of course, is you and this is a significant reason why you remain chained to us and naturally, we know this to be the case. This is one of the reasonas why we choose people like you.
As an empathic individual you have many traits which appeal to us. One of these traits is having a strong moral compass so that you “do the right thing” and you accept responsibility for your actions. That is attractive to us in itself. However, you go further than this. You are blessed or cursed, dependent on how you regard it, with the fact that you are over-responsible. Not only will you rightly accept blame when it is genuinely your fault but you will accept responsibility for us as well. This is extremely appealing. How does this over-responsibility come about?
On the one hand it is something which is intrinsic to you as a consequence of being an empathic person. You feel a deep responsibility for others and you do so because you wish to help. You do not believe that it is right to shirk responsibility or walk away when someone is in need. You widen your scope of responsibility by adopting the stance that as a decent human being you have a responsibility to aid others, assist them and help them. Added to that is the fact that we cause you to be responsible for us. We deny responsibility so you immediately feel a need to plug that gap – I return below to why you feel that need. Moreover, we make it your responsibility through our repeated projection and blame-shifting.
“It is always your fault.”
“You made me get angry, it is your fault.”
“Now look what you have made me do.”
“You should have known that was going to annoy me.”
This frequent projection and blame-shifting conditions you to accept responsibility for what we have done or not done. The more aware of our kind know that by reinforcing this double edged message – we are not responsible/ it is your fault – you will accept this to be the case. You are prone to repeated self-analysis and in order to find solutions, keep the peace and avoid those eggshells you will accept responsibility for us. An objective observer would find a certain action to be clearly our fault but you will take on the mantle of responsibility on our behalf.
“It’s my fault, I should have known.”
“He is tired, that is why he shouts at me, I should have let him rest.”
“I should have remembered that he doesn’t like fish.”
“It’s okay, I am used to it, I don’t mind because he can be wonderful to me you know.”
“It is just the way he is, I pick up the pieces, that is what I am here for.”
The repeated reinforcement that you are to blame coupled with your natural propensity for wanting to accept responsibility means that we know we can easily have you burdened with accountability and you will invariably accept it. This then paves the way for us to inflict other manipulations against you based on your acceptance of fault and guilt. You accept you are at fault so then we are entirely justified in shouting at you, cold-shouldering you, stopping you going out or having an affair. Having you as the one to blame suits our purposes to maintain our perceived superiority and provides us with justification for punishing you so that we receive further negative fuel.
This over-responsibility will extend into making excuses on our behalf when we have stormed out of a family occasion. It is our secretary ringing a client and apologising for us when we have been rude to somebody. It is a sibling who tries to play down our outrageous behaviour and finding something to explain it without pinning the blame where it ought to be pinned; on us. You accept that you are to blame and you become our spokesperson when dealing with other people as you are left to defend the indefensible. Not that you will get any thanks for any of this of course.
Why then do you feel such a need to be over-responsible for us? Where does this trait stem from? I have seen it within my own family with my sister. From an early age you have been subjected to such blaming behaviour when it was never actually your fault. This causes you to believe that there must be something wrong with you and that you are not good enough. In order to deal with this sense of inadequacy that was instilled in you most likely in your childhood you seek to over-compensate and decide that you will become good enough by being the receptacle for all blame, irrespective of real culpability. You have been convinced that you deserve this abuse, this blame and it is your duty to shoulder responsibility for what we do and what we do not do, in order to become worthwhile. It is easier to accept blame than fight against it because this is fulfilling the role that has been created for you. Always being to blame has caused you think that you deserve it and in order to do something about that state of affairs, you address it by accepting even more blame in order to reach an accord with what you regard your role to be.
We know that you need to feel responsible. It is a central plank of the empath’s constitution and we will exploit this by always blaming you, passing responsibility onto you and walking away from accountability. We will not laud you for such a selfless act of accepting responsibility but rather seize the opportunity to use it to justify our further foul treatment of you. You are at fault. You therefore deserve to be punished. You accept this and the repeated application of this only serves to reinforce and extend your sense of being responsible for us.
It is akin to being given six of the best with a cane at school for something you did not do and then asking,
“Please sir, can I have some more?”
5 thoughts on “Responsible”
“Always being to blame has caused you think to that you deserve it and in order to do something about that state of affairs, you address it by accepting even more blame in order to reach an accord with what you regard your role to be.”
In my own case, during my childhood, if I was blamed for something or criticised by my mother, I often ‘knew’ I didn’t deserve it. I had a fairly healthy self-esteem and grounded sense of what I did that was either right or wrong, good or bad. In this sense I didn’t regard being responsible for blame as my ‘role’.
Looking back, there was a slightly different dynamic going on with my mother. Her relentless need for control meant it was futile arguing or resisting her. She would ask and cajole, pressure and persuade until it was simply easier and quicker to give in to her demands, agree with her or do things her way. She didn’t take no for an answer and always needed to have the control or the upper-hand in any situation.
So, on the inside, I ‘knew’ I wasn’t to blame and I didn’t deserve to be held responsible, but on the outside, it was too hard or pointless to stand my ground and insist that she acknowledge anything or concede to do things my way or agree with me. She simply would never do that. In the bigger scheme of things, being agreeable with her became a way to get things done and avoid arguments.
This ‘conditioning’ wasn’t healthy in the long run though, because it led to me being a ‘people-pleaser’ and to try and appease others rather than being assertive.
Please forgive me if I asked you this before
Did we have the same mum and are you my sister ? Younger more wiser sister 🤣 bet I can ” people please” you more 😂
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Maybe we did have the same mum! The same textbook copy anyway 😉
I’m not more wiser than you… far from it. You always say the most thoughtful and warm-hearted things and you cheer me up. I know it’s done from a ‘real’ place and not just to ‘people please’ too.
Thank you sincerely for doing that 😘😘 You’re a gem!💎💖
After reading this post, and all the truth you stated on us empaths. Your gift of writing is evident , expressing the very essence of the empath. How truth,compassion,empathy and the most powerful emotion of unconditional love..we are very special spirits us empaths.. I have read a couple of your books and have been subscribed, I read all your posts. I have gained imuch wisdom on the dynamics of the narcstist&empath relationship. An example, I know now I am a super empath , also a sun sign Pisces with the moon in cancer both signs compliment each other being water signs that symbolize very deep powerful emotions….and having extremely high sensitivity. Both my astrological signs are the highest on.the spectrum of being sensitive…I feel everything so deeply…to emphasize the depth of my emotion, metaphorically speaking as deep as the deepest ocean . Just like the deepest parts of the ocean that have not been explored, there is a mysterioues and mystic energy of the very deep. I have been told on many occasions, by your kind that I am deeply mysterious and are intrigued. It seems to be a challenge that your kind relishes. .Another point I must add about being a super empath born with the moon in cancer is, cancer is the mothering sign of all the twelve zodiac. My gender being a female especialy with sun sign Pisces makes me mother the world. I mothered my three children, and mothered their friends. I mother everybody that’s in my circle. I must add I am very choosy on who I have in my inner circle. It’s a small circle, but those few have all and I mean all of my highly sensitive, mystic, motherly , deepest unconditional love. One motherly trait that comes naturally to me is baking and cooking and putting my energy of love into my food. I often bake exquisite brownies, cup cakes etc and give them to my inner circle. Also make my special lasagna most important ingredient putting love into it..the gratification and the the powerful emotion I feel watching the enjoyment and pleasure they show me as they devour my food..they love my home cooking…now I assume you have a good idea on the super empath I am. I do have a couple narcissistic traits. They are as powerful as my empath traits….they only come out and I act on them to teach , usually one of your kind a lesson .. I met a couple at a church I would often attend on Sundays. They were a older couple, she was an attractive, petite lady who started a food bank in the church for the less fortunate who lived in the community. She put all her emotion of love and compassion feeding the hungry. Her husband was a stoic skinny, and looked like a older Bill Gates. He had no tones to his voice., other then when he scolded his empath wife running the food bank. He would talk down to her in front of members in the church . Heard his only tone implying she was stupid and deemed her worthless in service of God and church.. He is a electrical engineer, extremely intelligent at his trade. Made extremely high salary 180k a year. Home in country with 50 acres mortgage paid in full. Congregation of people attending regularly eighty to one hundred. He was the biggest financial contributor in the church. Involved in every program or group that the church put on through week. He was always the team leader and was always at peoples homes fixing their electrical issues, or helping with moves.. He is what you refer to as a Holy Covert Narctist,in the eyes of the pastor and congregation he was almost admired to the level of Jesus. When he would leave church with his empath wife who expressed her self worth with the kitchen cupboard ( she named the foodbank) I thought it was a brilliant name.. Holy narcstist did not think so. As soon as the two walked in their home,alone. Satan showed up, he would give her silent treatment for weeks at a time. At church he would have his Holy mask on deciphering scripture with the other Male dead bcons. Completely ignoring his wife,.like she was invisible.. .she would go crazy trying to figure out what she did wrong..all the abusive traits and tools narcstist use on their primary source he used on her. They were married thirty- five years. They had only one son .. The son is a lesser, victim Narctist, and my live in boyfriend for ten years..II escaped in the tenth year. The typical cycles continued all thru the ten years…him being a lesser victim narc he would fly into crazy rages out of nothing…in the tenth year his rage hit a new crazy and believed if I stayed any longer, he would kill me in crazed rage. He was much bigger and extremely strong..He would always grab my neck in his rage and believed he would choke me to death in a rage if I stayed…I escaped the day he went to a all new higher level of rage.. Rage went on for two hours when I managed to get to the door. I ran out the door shaking and crying with the only one possession, my cell phone. I called local womans shelter as I was running and crying hysterically….shelter imeadiayly called a taxi cab to come pick me up.. was a small Canadian town, population ten thousand and had only the one shelter for women escaping abuse.. When I arrived at shelter I was in shell shock from being the victim of his.rage. The shelter was more like a lodge..gated outside no men allowed on property unless authorized repairman and Male policemen were allowed on property. 12 bedrooms which were like hotel room plastic card.kry for each room
Also security codes throug out shelter to gain access in womans residence. We were protected from ex narcs coming to get their victims I instantly felt Gods unconditional love, the love that permeated through livingroom, to the huge beautiful kitchen filled with all.kinds of food that women could consume anytime….I was crying arriving at shelter from the exnarcs rage, then feeling uncondiotnal love from God, I went into a intense blubbering cry. It was a crying so deeply from living with a lesser victim covert narctist for whom gave of a const ant powerful energy of hatred towards me for ten years. To walk into place filled with Gods love, and Holy Spirit …the feeling of security and protection and love the healing I was receiving by just being in the shelter …I do not have words to Express how those emotions felt. I must apologize, I have gotten carried away with this comment. I was explaining my narc trait that I have and its as powerful as my super empath traits. My ExN parents older couple from church I empath wife Holy narc and deacon in church.. The empath wife found out her Holy narc husband was being inappropriate with the 15 and 16 year old girls in the church’s youth group.. He was team leader of this youth group and had expressed God told him him he was to mentor and teach the girls how to live a Christian life. Holy narctist was 60nyears old. Empath wife found texts expressing his love to the two young girls and had pet names for them. He had not crossed the line into sexual nature, but extremely inappropriate. Empath wife by this time wanted a divorce and wanted half of estate which would be eight hundred thousand Canadian dollars. He told her no divorce and he was doing nothing wrong with the two girls and following Gods will.Empath wife fell into a deep depression and almost completely destroyed. I felt intense.anger at this predator my narc traits kicked in full gear…long story short…I catfished the Holy narctist by making a profile on a Christian website for young woman who wanted to learn more about God and Christian faith…I catfished and hooked holy narctisisst. Printed all inbox messages that became sexual and unchristian like.. I printed copies, mailed set to.pastornof the church another set too the other three Male deacons.. A copy to the empath wife and I knew the lawyer she went and seen to discuss divorce, sent him a copy. Left no return address…nobody knows to this day who copied and mailed messages . Holy narc found out seventeen year old girl who wanted to learn how to live a good Christian life who was seeking mature Christian mentor for guidance, named Chrissy Black did not exist.. He had been catfished, demoted from Deacon.. He fell hard from his Holy pulpit. Empath wife still with him.. I told one very close friend who had excellent computer skills with setting up profiles.. she helped, but to thos day she says to me. I am still shocked and amazed your depth of kindness and caring I Express,, and to swing hard the other side of spectrum onto narc traits . She says with a smirking grin, nobody would ever imagine you and your loving motherly energy you give freely has a very deep dark narc traits.. Her next words to me, deep dark traits manifesting in the protection from a predator on young girls seeking God and his love.. I often tell her and other young women seekingnGods love.. That God to me is my HolyFathet, I have felt and feel his love..Henhas expressed to me in mediation that I am his princess…Inam to share with my sisters that we are all Gods princesses.. He will protect us and has given.me spiritual authority to stop false witnessing (predators) I am Gods super empath princess, and at the time , did not realize I was doing God Will.. I felt extreme anger at the Holy Narc, not because of anything he did to.me, but what he did to other women proffesing to be a man of God……PFFT….not anymore..hope you made it this far and did not loose you after first couple sentences….you should have the flavour and the taste now on the kind of super empath II am…keep writing HG Tudor…you are doing Gods Will even when you dont believe in Him…nobody.not even you HG can beat that…♡
Thought provoking, disheartening, and arousing. So…disturbing.