Heart Hooks No 3

 

 

ALL OF THE OTHERS WERE JUST PRACTICEFOR FINALLY MEETING YOU

 

(This is a meme. There is no accompanying text.)

Did the narcissist say this to you? How was it conveyed, when was it conveyed and what was your response?

ย If this phrase (or similar) was said to you, how did it make you feel? What did you believe by it?

30 thoughts on “Heart Hooks No 3

  1. mollyb5 says:

    No. HG ? Do you say this to the shield maiden ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No.

  2. misstasia says:

    My MRN said once I was the only woman he ever trusted. That was within our first year in our fifth year he said that there is no woman like me. Did I believe him? Considering how much I pried into his past, reading many past exchanges between him and several ladies ( from before me) I say Yes I do believe it, Not in the emotional sense more because we were very compatible in our interest I didn’t have to fake what I liked I wanted the same things in life as him. However, even with that, he managed to fuck it up because of his little handicap called narcissism.

  3. Chihuahuamum says:

    My narc has said in the past ive taught him a lot and had been good for him. I think he was trying to convey a similiar idea that i was different in some way and i was making him a better person. Hed say stuff like this after wed had a fight and gotten back together.
    The only practice is how to master manipulation.

    1. Caroline-is-fine says:

      “The only practice is how to master manipulation.” (<<<BINGO… experiencing the Greater recently, after those years with him in the FR in my college days, was enlightening — in a "holy crap" way — and he was actually "nice"/trying to Golden me, but he's on a different level now).

  4. Bubbles ๐Ÿพ says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,
    He never said that specifically, however some of the crap that came out of the weasel’s mouth were ….
    “Mr Bubbles will probably win in the end”
    “You are the only person I’ll allow to share my kitchen, I will put a red line down the middle”
    “You can be my carer”
    “You can be my assistant”
    “You were the closest”

    I questioned him on each and every one of these and he back peddled, except the last one … I got the silent treatment

    Luv Bubbles xx ๐Ÿ˜˜

    1. Caroline-just-Caroline says:

      Creativity points for the kitchen one, Bubbles — at least it’s not like the typical canned lines! ๐Ÿ˜‰

      1. Bubbles ๐Ÿพ says:

        Dear Caroline-just-Caroline,
        Exactly ….. I mean, seriously, who says that?
        That’s why we need to be on the alert for “random” red flags and not just the standard ones from the narc textbook ๐Ÿ˜‚
        Luv Bubbles xx ๐Ÿ˜˜

  5. foolme1time says:

    I know I have an addiction to narcissists, but even I would not have believed this line of Bull Sโ€”t!

  6. ThePersonalityAbyss says:

    Nope never heard this either lol lol i had a shitty narc lol

  7. empath007 says:

    Yes he said a version of it.
    I believed it for a number of factors that I deemed to be logical at the time. Those are a lot of minute details to the personal situation. But… I think mostly I believed it because I do not deem myself all that attractive, worthy or loveable. And I wanted to believe it.

    I am struggling wanting to feed my addicition today. Havenโ€™t felt this way in a long time. Iโ€™ve been so busy trying to protect myself and act mad. I forgot how sad I am.

    Tomorrow is a new day.

    1. Caroline-is-fine says:

      I’m sorry you’re having a rough day, empath007…sometimes sadness has to come out – don’t fight it – but then gently move yourself along afterward, staying occupied… that’s a good mind focus: “Tomorrow’s a new day.” You will make it through your discomfort today, and you’ll be a day stronger.

      When I left the FR, uppermost in my mind each day was: “One more day away makes me one day better.” It’s just a simple thought, but it was enough motivation — I wanted carefree days, my original joy in full force.

      Hang in there.

      #YouAreAbundantlyWorthy&EnoughEverything!

    2. foolme1time says:

      No sadness Empath! I know how hard that is to pull off, I also know the call of the addiction and some days are a lot tougher then others! Remember who ever it was that made you feel unworthy, unattractive, or unloveable, are exactly who we are looking for to give us that fix! You are Beautiful, Intelligent, and very lovable, you deserve to be with someone who truly sees that, not someone that only sees you as fuel! Be good to yourself dear. Tomorrow is another day and another step added to your continued journey towards understanding and healing. ๐Ÿ˜˜๐ŸŒป

      1. empath007 says:

        Thank you Caroline and FM1T. Thatโ€™s very sweet of you Both.

        1. foolme1time says:

          You are very welcome Empath! ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ™ƒ

    3. lisk says:

      I’m struggling today, too, empath 007.

      I’ve been busy trying to protect myself and distract myself.

      For some reason, today I decided to drive in the car without playing any music, any radio, just driving in silence.

      Wow. I had no angry songs to sing to to let my hatred sink in. I did not have any techno beats to dance to to make me artificially happy and forgetful of the narc.

      The silence really made things sink in today, and I am ultra-sad as well as ultra-angry for really.

      I figure if I let it all sink in this way, without acting on it in a foolish way, I can process and be rid of all this mess much, much sooner.

      1. Caroline-is-fine says:

        Good insight and logic, Lisk…and it’s courageous. ๐Ÿ™‚

      2. Twilight says:

        List

        Sometime the only way through is head on. Your doing marvelous, it is ok to feel the way you do. I believe we become so conditioned to feel the way we are expected to instead of actually feeling the emotions, accepting them and finding a constructive manner to express them.

      3. Kim e says:

        Lisk,
        I have absolutely no attention span. I am watching tv…reading a book…looking at my phone…pause the TV….look at phone…turn phone off…..unpause TV…read book…and on and on and on.

        I truly believe there is no foolish way. It takes time I guess. I usded to be able to sit and read for hours. Now I am lucky if I can make it .25 seconds. I have to turn my phone off or I can not do any thing else.

        Dont beat yourself up. We have been thru emotional hell and back. Time to be gentle on ourselves.

    4. blackunicorn123 says:

      E007, I hope you are feeling better today.

    5. Abe Moline says:

      When you go through the struggle and come on top of it, that’s the most rewarding feeling. Do it a few times and you’ll start loving this feeling. Heck, you might even some sort of like it when you see your ET going up, because you know how nice it feels to beat it down. This is the real power, controlling yourself, not the pathetic control that narcs try to exert over others.

      Stay strong for a while, just a little bit more, and you’ll discover yourself who you are, there will be no need for people around to pat you on the shoulder compassionately. Yes, we need this sometimes too, but once you’ll notice you can win the battle by yourself, the need will diminish.

      1. Lou says:

        I agree. Good advice.

      2. lisk says:

        Great point about controlling yourself as being the real power, Abe.

        Heck, why not capitalize it?

        The Real Power!

      3. Chihuahuamum says:

        Hi abe…your posts show a strength and are motivating! It sounds like youve come a long ways congrats!

  8. Veronique Jones says:

    He told me on the only person heโ€™s never cheated on To be honest I donโ€™t trust that when a guy am with mentions his exes in any way positive or negative especially if thereโ€™s any comparison to me without reason itโ€™s a big red flag for me

  9. Getting There says:

    I recently heard a comedian make a comment that his first marriage was a practice marriage in referencing his current marriage in his biography. It made me angry. That comment downplays all of the emotions and giving of self put in the original marriage. He has three children from that first marriage. What impact would that have on them to hear that the family life they experienced prior to the divorce was “practice?” I recognize that I should learn from previous relationships and apply those lessons to the next, if there is one. I just don’t understand calling it a “practice” though.

    1. lisk says:

      I wonder if it’s practice for the “idea” relationship, for “The One” that he was supposed to meet in the first place.

      Maybe that’s the common denominator in terms of how Narcs and Empaths view relationships–they are all searching for the same “Ideal,” fairytale relationship that is meant to resolve and wipe out all their past hurts and problems.

      Both groups believe in the ideal/fairy tale; they just going about achieving it in different ways.

      Both groups end up disappointed to some extent. Empaths might go as far as to be devastated. Narcs seem to have that protective barrier that prevents devastation.

      1. Getting There says:

        Hello, lisk.

        That is a mind opening thought! Thank you! It gives me a perspective of why the narcissist would use the term “practice” in a “meaningful” way and not to just act like a jerk. I still struggle with the usage of the term “practice” for relationships, but I wonder if any empath would describe previous relationships as “practice” because of their personal belief of “the one.”
        Personally I believe in “the one” but, strangely, I would pull away if a man said those words or anything similar to the “practice” concept.
        I see that you are struggling with ET! I’m glad you are here and writing!

  10. Caroline-is-fine says:

    Nope, never heard that crock either. This one makes me laugh! Yes, it’s always romantic to be reminded of all the other women who come before, right? What exactly were you practicing, and why could you never get it right? Lol

    (Am I being too harsh?)

    1. Chihuahuamum says:

      Lol caroline spot on ๐Ÿคฃ

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