The Heart Hooks No. 4
(This is a meme. There is no accompanying text.)
Did the narcissist say this to you? How was it conveyed, when was it conveyed and what was your response?
If this phrase (or similar) was said to you, how did it make you feel? What did you believe by it?
46 thoughts on “The Heart Hooks No. 4”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Yes told me all the time. Totally had me hooked. He was like a drug. Told me I inspired him and challenged him to better himself. Told me we were really close friends. Told me that he loved me. He made out that no one understood him and he just needs a woman to fully know who he is on the inside. I was it apparently! I find out he is telling other women he hasn’t had any real friends for over 3 years and trying to pick women up from a bar just after saying all this to me. I have just found all this out 12 months later. He did the silent treatment to me when I questioned him not interacting with me in same way and being distant. Then I got the final discard. Despite my many numerous pleas to talk and apologise for whatever I had done wrong to him. To no avail.
You clearly had nothing to apologize for, amkerker.
He said this to me maybe a week into it. And whenever we hit a “speed bump” he would make sure we don’t forget our special connection. OMG this is too freaky.
There was no connection, was there? 😖
“Let me tell you about my miscarriages and abusive exes prior to even a first date…”
What. The fuck. Was I thinking?
I heard this line in combination with “you feel so familiar”. The latter created a sense of ‘mutual recognition’ and yes, a strong bond. A cocoon where we felt safe to open up and share our vulnerabilities.
My MLV Narc after nattering on about how we enjoy great conversations, etc…, went on to say “just one of the bazillion reasons why I don’t want to be with anyone but you..I don’t see any female that would be more desirable to me than you are!” Which I now know is because they hadn’t come into his sights yet!!!!! and “I’m actually believing that we are a really good match.” I bought it hook, line, and sinker.
Piano Boy (my MMRN) said this to me ALL the time. There really is a f**king textbook….
He zoomed in very quickly. Told me loved me in a couple of weeks. I thought “Really?” It seemed unreal. With his teary eyes, gazing at me like I was some goddess. I felt safe, secure, loved, adored….I didn’t love him…but it was so nice to feel THIS LOVED!!! Once hooked he kept me hooked, despite his evil side.
Oh yes, the “connected” comment 🙄
Blackunicorn….
I also heard “I need to feel connected to you” said while we were kissing which promptly led to clothes coming off. Yep. All about being connected. Figuratively. And literally.
“We’re connected”. Said to me recently, but I already had HG whispering in my ear, so it didn’t have the desired effect 😉
Ironic…this meme is exactly what I told *myself* was the reason he proposed to me early on in the FR — especially because many had forewarned me (when I started dating him) that he was a “commitment-phobic bachelor.” Instead, he seemed geared into permanent lock-down mode w/ me & displayed very possessive behavior early on…2 years into the FR, his attempt at a death-grip of trying to control me was blatant.
Never again will I ignore my own gut feelings/logic & common sense (“red flags”), even and especially with matters of the heart. Also, much unlike who I typically am, when in the FR, I was influenced by people who loved us together & commented to me continually on how “in love” he was with me & how “excited” he was about me… yeah, a little too excited there. Lol
I heard this just over the weekend from a “friend” who tried to take the conversation flirtatious (we are both married and utterly platonic up to this point).
Me: Um, I feel like this conversation has gone a bit strange…
Him: I guess I just really feel a connection with you..
Me: RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG
Narcs are everywhere….haha
Supernova, beware “platonic” friendships. Mine started as a platonic relationship. He continued to call me platonic lover even after sending me a collection of dick pictures, which I protested (that he called me platonic, although I also complained about receiving dicks at odd times, such as, during breakfast. “Wow, I chocked on my coffee!”). One day, I found a mysterious book on different types of friendships at my work place and there was a mark in the chapter dedicated to platonic love. Creepy. It may be a coincidence, who knows.
No way is that coincidence, SP.
Thanks to you and SupernovaDE for examples to watch out for!
SP,
I totally agree. The person I mention above is a long time acquaintance I haven’t had a real conversation with in many years, which made the odd turn in conversation very obvious.
The MRN I had the affair with was quite different, there was not a single platonic minute between the two of us, not even all the way back to our first meeting in junior high math class – there was always a spark (physical – oops I meant narc/empath) there. Of course later we pretended we were platonic friends before diving into the affair.
Funny, I have received many a dick pic during breakfast from MRN, he liked getting off in the morning. I repeatedly told him, “I can’t do this at this time of day, I’m making pancakes and getting my kids’ school lunches together man!” But you know, no boundary recognition and sense of entitlement, he didn’t listen haha.
I once received pic of him using his penis pump RIGHT AFTER I told him I was in the middle of decorating my daughter’s birthday cake!!!! That one takes the cake….hehe
Supernova, my complaint was mostly because I knew the dick pictures and videos were not “for my eyes only” as he said. So the last time he sent one I simply replied: I’m eating a fucking croissant now and I don’t appreciate this. Plus, how many people have this picture now? He was terribly injured and said “ok, I’m leaving.” Byeeeeeee! Don’t forget your penis! But I’m curious about yours: dick pump??????
SP,
Yes exactly, once I truly caught on (which was after a TON of triangulation and porn references and such) and I realized I was just another form of porn to him, I realized I was not the only person receiving photos either. In the messaging app we used, you can tell when it is a “live pic” vs one that was saved on the phone and sent, I started to get so paranoid about that….cue heightened ET and fuel spillage!!!
Regarding the penis pump….IDK, he’s cerebral, he likes toys. He used to talk about using toys on me, I’m not into that at all so it was weird. At the time, I was so exasperated at the moment he chose to send it, but now I get it, I wasn’t paying attention to him, so he upped his game. I found it gross/impersonal/invalidating/triangulating, so it kind of backfired on him!!!
Wow SDE!!! I had to laugh at your last paragraph (sorry!!). They’re cheeky fuckers!
I feel like so need to google what a guy is exactly doing in an erotic sense playing with a dick pump. My luck I’ll be flagged by some weird sex site though. What a moron.
In the middle of this I had to google it anyway. Haha! It puts me in mind of a bovine sperm collection device. I’m never having sex again. I’m disgusted and I only like narcissists anyway so there is zero point. Just hanging it up—I had a decent run.
Not this specifically, but this statement is always implied in the “soulmate” trope, that has often been mentioned here by commentators.
I actually don’t believe in these things and having them tell me they’re connected to me did not result in me feeling more connected than before, which I felt was the intention.
What it did do however, is make me feel much safer than I did previously. Having someone “open up” to you by telling you they feel so connected makes you feel like they are enthralled by you and making themselves vulnerable to you.
THEY are the one falling in love with you and since you know what that feels like, you feel safe to open up to them more as well.
Very valid observation and demonstrates an additional power such Heart Hooks have over people, not all, but many.
Desiree
I had the safety feeling too. I felt so secure through our intense “connection.” Due to this, I wasn’t stressed about my looks or looking “old” because he told me how gorgeous I was 50x a day and how out of his league I was 🙄🙄
It really helps to break all these little bits down and hear the comparative stories to reaffirm how fake and rehearsed and recycled all this crap really is.
Joanne
He made me feel safe also! I am sure there is no way I would have felt comfortable doing the things I did with him, with anyone else. Now I see another reason for him doing the whole I love you, there has been no other like you, I have never looked into another woman’s eyes and seen the same sparkle, and look of love as I do, when I look at you. Such nonsense! Damn I didn’t even want love to enter the picture. Hahaha jokes on me! It didn’t. 🙃
I heard something in the summit Foolme that finally made sense about the “addiction” piece HG talks about. (Yes HG—someone else had a good discussion!) For some reason it finally clicked—an addiction to these jerks. The behavior is “addicted-like” similar to a drug. HG has been saying it but I just thought he was being dramatic and thinking too highly of himself to think anyone would actually be addicted. (Really) I still don’t quite know why I have this but I accept an irrational element to my own behavior much like a drug addict. One of the most ridiculous times in my life was actually using cocaine coupled with a very sexually adventurous narcissist when I was fresh out of college. (Used it with him during crazy sex/non-sense of course) Using an actual drug with this man was off the charts addictive. It was an emotionally intense horrible situation. It helped me understand that although my ex logically disgusts me something drives the engagement and the low contact being breached fosters this. I swear I’m paying attention here in narcissist school. I’m trying to get rid of this affliction.
Dear Joanne,
The weasel said similar to me ….”youre class”
Our youngest’s partner has just mentioned our class ranking as well … feels we consider ourselves entitled
My mother thinks she’s above everyone else
What the ?
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
I’m the same, it doesn’t make me fall in love, just feel safer.
Yes. Elaborated a lot more then that too.
Good to know mine stuck with the general
Script 🤣
Oh yes, I heard this one. He credited our shared childhood and similar upbringing as a reason for our intense connection forming so quickly. And, after all, don’t all good things move fast? 🙁
LOL, cockroaches are pretty speedy!
We both said it. Some of it partially true some of it facade. Our connection was a lot of shared interests so that part was instant but there was the whole love bombing facade connection too which was/is just a tool and fake.
CM
To be fair, I said it too 😞
I said it too but I realized very quickly that we were not at all similar. I wanted romance and he wanted to send me dicks. So I told him: I’m very romantic and he immediately replied: “I am romantic,” and I said “no you’re not!” God I must have been a horrendous supply now that I think about it hahaha.
Oh gosh SP you remind me of myself!
MRN: “I really wear my heart on my sleeve, sometimes its a problem.”
Me: “yea, no you don’t you’re completely stoic and without emotion.”
MRN: stammering….
Me: I can’t right now (sext/phone sex), I’m really tired
MRN: OK, just come cuddle me and chat
Me: Pretty sure you don’t even know how to cuddle, it’s not your style
MRN: SILENCE
I could give you 20 of these off the top of my head! I was bad supply in that he has trouble keeping me in control, but all my attitude/sass kept him well fueled.
Supernova, that’s my kind of girl! Hahaha good for you, I am the same way!
Narc: You are a goddess
Me: you just want to fuck me
Narc: Staaaap!!!
Narc: we are two night wolves hungry for each other.
Me: wtf? Are you on drugs?
Narc: oh come on!!!
Narc: I swear I could be polyamory I have so much love for so many people.
Me: being a player is not the same as being polyamory. You actually need to love.
Narc: I don’t know how to give you more indications that this connection is real. I feel like withdrawing big time.
Hahaha I’m not surprised I was painted black now that I know better!
LOL SP 🤣
I think I was a pretty lame supply too. I never received any dicks although there was a very distinct point where things went from romance/sweet charming to more suggestive/sexual charming. He is so small though, so if he were to send dicks he would have to lift them from google images to save himself embarrassment 🙄
Joanne
So did I. 😔
It was never said…but he made me fell that way.
“I picked you for a reason. You’re a star.” “There’s only room for one woman in my heart.” “I don’t like to share.”
Aghhhh! Stop it!
“We have a RIDICULOUS connection. We both know it. The desire is overwhelmingly incendiary. It is combustible.” Gaaad I want to vomit when I remember falling for this crap. Of course it was combustible, it was FUEL!
WOW, SP! He out and out said it.
I am vomiting right there with you!
I know, Lisk! The first time I read HG’s Decipher and read the many lines my narc said reflected in that book I didn’t know if I wanted to cry or to laugh. I opted for the latter, it was too much!!! How can they repeat the same BS!?
Haha! I have been getting complaints from people that my voicemail is full so I just cleaned it up. Two messages from men in the recent past. “Gorgeous blah blah..”
“I just want to hear your blah blah.” Holy shit balls I’m done with these people. I thank goodness never followed through with these situations.
Yes Claire, being overly complimentary is a red flag – previously worked though! We need to start job interviewing potential suitors lol.
Meh, just went through all my old emails – I put up with so much shit!! he must have been laughing his head off!
‘I know you are strong, can bear such wounds and walk along full of song. When your soul bleeds through, that’s everlasting truth. Allow yourself to feel vulnerable with me….sorry if I’m bombarding you but I just can’t help the way you make me feel magnificent’
Holy fuck!
I AM A SUCKER!!!!!
Presque—between the time my comment was sent and your reply one of them commented on a Facebook post of mine and I blocked him! I beat myself up a ton, although I met him last fall? At the time I was thinking “Oh no.. He’s ok.” Omg—he’s a total narcissist so yes—I’m improving and this was a good landmark to have. Progress indeed and I can’t deny it. I’m in a bit of a kid crisis so probably won’t be here much for a bit but will be back soon enough.