The 10 Laws of Narcissistic Possession
1. You belong to me.
I own you. From the moment I first engaged with you, you became mine. That is the unwritten contract that forms between you and me. I engulf you, I possess you and I subsume your identity into mine. I do not recognise you as someone who is separate and distinct from me, with your own hopes, fears and desires. You have been plugged into me from the start, my appliance which is there to provide me with fuel, obey me and accede to my commands. This mind set is what governs the entirety of our relationship and is what is behind so much of what I do and say to you. By understanding that this is how I view you in relation to me you will realise that once I have begun to entangle you, the concept of you evaporates and you become part of me.
2. What is yours is mine
As part of this unwritten contract I immediately take power, custody and control of everything which you own. Your money is mine to spend. Your friends become my friends and ripe for recruitment into the ranks of my lieutenants. Your house is my house where I shall install myself before you know it, using your utilities freely although never paying for them. It is not your car, it is my car now. I recognise no boundaries and therefore you will find that your possessions will always be sequestrated for my use. You are not allowed to own anything in your own right. From the cake you have saved for later to your shower gel, I will take it and use it. This sense of entitlement extends beyond the material. I will take your dignity, your sanity and your self-esteem too. I have no use for those things, they cannot serve me in any way but I will take them all the same. I am an asset stripper and you will be stripped.
3. Blame belongs to you
I am never at fault. I am never responsible and I am never accountable. Culpability and I are not bedfellows. I escape liability for anything and everything that I do and instead the blame will always rest with you. Even if you have done nothing wrong I will pin the blame on you as this serves my purposes to draw fuel from you, control you and denigrate you. If I forget to remove something from the cooker, it is your fault. If I forget to pay a parking ticket on time, it is your fault. If I forget an anniversary, it is your fault. Each and every mishap, failure and problem which arises will always be attributed to you because I cannot be held to account.
4. I take what I want from whomsoever that I choose
I walk this world as a colossus and it is my right to do as I please. I will take whatever my eye rests on as I am entitled to do so. I will steal because I can. If I want something then I will take it. I will take the credit for achievements when they belong to someone else. I will pinch the partner of a friend because I want her in my bed and not his. I will park my car where I like and I am not to suffer any consequence. I will borrow from neighbours and never return anything. It is my right to take and you must never challenge or criticise me as I exercise this right.
6. What is mine stays mine
All resources that are mine remain mine and are for my exclusive use. I will not lend anything to anybody, they should go and buy their own. I will not share. I will stockpile money secretly, notwithstanding that we apparently have a joint account. I have my own shelf inside the fridge for my food which nobody else is to touch. Nobody is allowed to sit in my favourite chair, not even when I am not there. Nobody is to play my CDs or read my books. They are not for you, they are for me. My friends are my friends, yes they will pretend to like you, purely for the sake of appearance but they will never actually be your friends. Anything that is mine remains as mine.
7. I go where I please
I own the right to go anywhere that I like. I am not to be stopped or questioned as to where I am going or where I have been. I move in between and through, an unstoppable force in light of my vast sense of entitlement. I walk through doorways marked private, I attend meetings to which I have not been invited, I will turn up at your social occasions even though I was not asked to attend. I will step over the threshold, vault the red rope and penetrate all areas because I must always know what is going on. Besides, my presence is such that I am always welcome, who would not want someone as brilliant as I with them? I am access all areas.
8. I own the spotlight
The spotlight must be trained on me at all times as it belongs to me. It is for my use to highlight how interesting, witty and successful I am. It lights up my podium where I stand elevated and superior and woe betide you should you try to point it anywhere else. You must never interfere with my ownership of the spotlight for to do so will invite my fury at your transgression. It is a device that must be aimed at me so that the world is always to see me, so that I can receive the adoration which I am entitled to.
9. I owe you nothing
I owe you nothing because in the beginning I gave you everything. It does not matter that since then you have given me your all, your love, your affection, your time, your money, your dignity and your will to live. You can festoon me with gifts, run around after me, nurse me, pleasure me, support and soothe me but this is what you ought to be doing as I am entitled to be treated in this manner. I have no sense of needing to reciprocate, someone as high born as me need not deign to fawn over you, not any more, not once I have captured you and bound you tight to me. You are nothing without me, worthless and pathetic and therefore I owe you nothing, despite the fact you gave me everything.
10. You belong to me.
I thought I would remind you of this fact. It would not do to forget that now, would it?
Number 5? Of course there is a fifth rule – You are imagining things. Again.
28 thoughts on “The 10 Laws of Narcissistic Possession”
So this whole “owning” a person thing… isn’t that considered some kind of attachement?
Because although empaths suffer with addiction and have a difficult time ending the relationship… we are capable of cutting people out and moving on. It seems to me the narcissist actually has a much more difficult time moving on then the empath. Because you guys are addicted to controlling us… you crave the fuel… whereas we are capable of separating ourselves when we put the work in.
No, we attach you to us and thus we own you. We do not attach to you as repeatedly explained.
The way I understand this:
A narcissist might be more or less dependent, at a certain point, of somebody’s fuel, especially if that person is the IPPS. But this is only because he/she might lack the fuel elsewhere, not because that particular fuel is something special. If the fuel can be obtained somewhere else, then the narcissist has no problem whatsoever in switching to another source.
Just like a car owner does not get attached to a certain gas station. The gas station might be very convenient at some point (being close to home, or cheap, for example), but he won’t have any trouble switching to another one when the price gets too high or the gas station goes bankrupt or decides to no longer sell gas. He might be annoyed because he now has to make more efforts or spend more money and time to get his tank full, but there will be no “missing” or “longing” for the gas station. It’s just a fucking gas station, nothing more…
The owning thing is actually the opposite of attachment (as HG underlines in his comment).
They own all the appliances, meaning they are entitled to do anything they want to the appliance. Being attached, on the contrary, means you’re freedom is limited, because you always have to consider the one you’re attached to.
Sometimes, this owning thing is just delusion, but not from the narcissist’s point of view. We might think we’re certainly not owned, but they always think they do.
We never own the things we are attached to. On the contrary, the things that we are attached to own us. This is a sort of philosophical point of view (and is nothing new or original).
For example, being attached to money means you’ll do whatever it takes to get or keep the money. So you’ll have money, but the money will own you (they will limit your freedom and influence your decisions), not the other way round.
Yes, this also means the fuel owns the narcissist, but no particular fuel, any fuel will do.
And you are right, as a non-narc, your degree of freedom can be higher than a narc’s, provided that you understand and then consciously choose what or whom to be attached to, to be owned by (ideally, as little as possible).
Um . . . I do get attached to certain gas stations. I’m not kidding. I still go to my old reliable gas station where I like the people who run it and where I know the gasoline is unadulterated.
I go there even though the brand new fancy schmancy cheaper gas megastation is less than a block away.
I’m happy to pay more for good service and reliability than pay less for flash.
“We might think we are certainly not owned”
I KNOW I am certainly not owned.
I don’t beleive I formed a genuine attachment to my narcissist. In my case I formed an addiction, those are two different things. The highs and lows were reminiscent of what I watched my alcoholic father and co dependant mother go through as a child. The narc was never a person I had been attracted too, I had known him for years before ensarment. The love bombing was very affective on me and gave me a high… that’s it. Not every victim will form an attachment or believe they are in love. I wasn’t in love with him.
So naturually I find it insulting he thinks he “owns” me. And in the end it’s HIM who can’t let go, not me.
I will think more about your comment and maybe come back with a more elaborate reply.
For now, just one short remark: as long as you find insulting what he thinks about you, you are still attached.
There’s a difference between caring about what someone “thinks of you”…and being deeply bothered by/”insulted” that another human being will not respect your boundaries (which is how I took “empath007’s” comment).
For instance, it bothers me if anyone would say, or behave, in a way that makes it clear they think they “own” me — it’s perhaps my strong sense of self/my freedom that propelled me OUT of the narcissistic relationship.
So, I will become “insulted” (in a manner of speaking) if I’ve made my boundaries clear & someone runs roughshod over them. I will feel insulted that they think they can get away with that — that they are not taking me seriously.
Your “monster face” is perfect for your cute personality, 007… it’s interesting, how many of the faces match up that way, even though they are random assignments.
(NOT your face, “Getting There,” if you ever read this comment — I know you don’t have a mustache in RL!)
I find the concept Insulting… that someone could “own”
Someone is a deplorable state of human affairs… that’s the type of thinking that causes human trafficking. It has nothing to do with HIM personally it is my own moral philosophy on how humans should view one another And I can not condone someone thinking they own someone else.
I thought I was in love with him… when really all I was was addicted. Addiction is a powerful voice and can be to many different things.
I am dealing with withdrawal from an addiction. Ask any addict about their recovery and relapse is a part of that recovery.
I am not attAched.
Maybe I took `he thinks he “owns” me` too literally, while you were actually referring to breaching boundaries.
If that is so, I apologize.
What somebody thinks is their own business. There’s no such thing as “thought police” (yet).
When they start acting like so, that’s a different issue.
But with a strong NC, the way they act no longer matters either.
I also fail to see a big difference between being addicted and being attached.
Yes I meant as a general concept. There was a time I cared about what he thought of me but that is long gone.
Mine was extremely aggressive. Very pushy and did ACT as if he owned me… to the point where him and I had quite the argument about it during our relationship. I once looked him straight in the face and said “you don’t own me! And I don’t owe you a single thing because you had feelings for me” I had no idea it was a narcissist I was saying that too. But I felt it none the less.
He does not own me or anyone else. I am not up for sale. I escaped the relationship and he’s the one doing Hoover’s still nearly a year later (we are part of the same
Social circle and work for
The same company… so he sends his friends)
In terms of attachment bs addiction…. this is how I see it (this is based on no scholarly evidence just how I think about the terms) there are all kinds of different attachment styles, some are healthy some are unhealthy. So yes, unhealthy attachment styles can accompany addiction. But I see attachment as a deep bond between two people, for example in a marriage there can sometimes be no romance (or it at least generally fizzles out over time) however the years form an attachment to one another (in referrinf to a healthy marriage) there is support, respect, love etc.
I view the narcissist as an addicition because at this point, I view him as an alcoholic would view a bottle of wine. Since like the bottle wine the narcissits could provide me with relief from my real life and responsibilities. He created an altered state for me with love bombing and passionate sex life. He gave me a high essentially. And I got hooked. Like the bottle of wine it felt easy to keep going back,
To try and re create that sensation. Hoping it would make me
Feel better but it never did.
I don’t have any feelings of love left for the narc. And tbh I don’t think I EVER had true geniune love for him. It was all a made up dream land.
I do however occasionally find myself wanting to chase the high he gives me via sex. But that is just my addiction speaking. And I know I can work through that in time with hard work. Same as an alcoholic would need to work through their addiction.
Sorry that was lengthy. But I much prefer the term addiction then attachment when it comes to the narcissist.
Thank you! If I start looking like this, I will know it is appointment time for waxing. I am starting to wonder if mine is about to explode. If that happens, do we get pizza bites?
I do think it is fun to look at the faces when reading some of the comments. It makes for an interesting twist. Yours is great for you! The monster is positive and full of energy, but you are keeping an eye out in a good way.
Thank ya kindly, GT~you crack me up, chick — your waxing & (waning) pizza, lol.
This has been a very weird, vibe-filled day for me. You sprang up on the thread with your comment, and right as I was reading the funny pizza bites bit, a friend called to ask if I want to meet up at a pizza place for late lunch (er, huh?)and also…
I’ve got the day off work, and after a morning swim fest, I’ve been chilling out & relaxing, watching more episodes of the “Revenge” series… so I’m up to the third season of it, and the main character (Emily) announces the long-awaited date of their wedding will be…
August 8! I actually paused the episode and checked my phone, to make sure… yes, it is currently August 8.
Weird… just weird.
Wow, Caroline! That is cool that all of those instances occurred like that! Do you write down all the times your vibes go off or situations like that occur?
What a fun way to spend a day off! Hopefully you enjoy the pizza and time with your friend if you are able to go. Have you tried pesto on your pizza?
I haven’t seen that show. Hopefully it was worth the wait and the wedding was good.
I almost skipped out on the gym today, but you have inspired me to go by talking about going swimming on your day off.
Yes, to pesto… and margherita pizza is my fav.
I didn’t go out for pizza… sometimes I need extra time to be alone & re-energize (to reflect/enjoy the quiet/it keeps me feeling peaceful; my friends know this about me, so she understood)… it’s also been nice to get extra rest after a hectic travel itinerary recently, for work.
Maybe I *should* write down all the vibe/psychic-like things I experience… I’m almost afraid to, as it happens more & more. Intuition overload. Not kidding – I sometimes feel like I’m only a few steps away from seeing dead people… and I really do NOT want to! Lol
Shoot. Now I have a hankering for a piece of margherita pizza…
I think pizza is on the menu this weekend!
That’s great that you know yourself so well to know what you need to reenergize, and that you have such good friends who understand it!
I think it would definitely be an interesting read if you ever did write it down. Do those dead people know they are dead?
I’m thinking “no”!👻
Do not feel insulted about the Narcissist you knew believing he owned you! They do this because they are deluded. It´s the disorder that makes them believe this…
When you truly believe this, you will be well on your way to healing from the abuse and like you stated….He will keep hoovering long after you stopped giving a shit!
that’s true George. Walking away and not caring what he thinks really is the ultimate way to fight back against the behaviour…. I allowed him to control me for too long.
I was wondering about number 5. Clever as always, HG!
A greater who I engage with (NISS), although he’d like me to be IPSS. Anyway, he gave me some advice (very good advice actually), I thanked him and he joked that I would repay with interest. Of course this is something ‘normal’/empaths may also say, but not mean it. I knew exactly what he meant by this. HG can you tell me to stop, I always do what you tell me! hmmm well sometimes.
HG – do you feel like you own us?
God damn it!
You own me HG, yes, you do!
Not in this lifetime HG! You may think it, but it’s not true.