The Portentous Remarks of the Narcissist
It is well known that our kind operate by the wearing of masks. We have learned how to portray those emotions which we do not feel. We have ascertained that in certain situations we are expected to respond in a particular way. We know that by donning a particular mask we are more likely to charm and seduce you. We are aware that maintaining a certain mask the vicious malevolence that lurks beneath can be kept in check so that we achieve acceptability and the advancement of our agendas. There are occasions when we will give you a glimpse of what lies beneath this mask. I am not referring to when we whip the mask off and subject you to devaluation. That is a purposeful and intended act on our part. I am not making reference to when the mask fractures as a consequence of the ignition of our fury and the lesser and mid-range of our kind are unable to keep the mask in place so that the ignited fury erupts and the malicious beast is unleashed. There are occasions however when we provide you with a fleeting glance beneath the mask as to what lies beneath. This will happen during the seduction period. Sometimes it is as a consequence of the effect of a particular agent, such as alcohol. Sometimes, especially with the greater of our kind, it is done as deliberate act in order to gauge your reaction. In such an instance, we tell you of what lies ahead to see if you baulk at the suggestion, or that more likely you respond in a sympathetic manner or even by way of denial.
“I couldn’t ever imagine you doing that.”
“That won’t happen with me though. It might have with other people but I will treat you better than they have.”
“You’re not like that, don’t be silly.”
“I don’t see you doing something like that, you are too nice.”
If you respond in such terms when you have been given such a warning, then this is a green light to us that we have you under our control and that you will accord with our desires and machinations. It also allows us, when we do eventually behave in the manner described down the line during the devaluation, to throw it back in your face by saying.
“I did warn you.”
“Why are you complaining? I was upfront that this would happen.”
“I told you so.”
“It’s no use crying about it now. I told you what I was like.”
“I told you and you chose to stay with me. It is your fault.”
Not only does this enable us to avoid blame, something we must achieve, it will also result in you reacting and providing us with fuel.
With the lesser or mid-range of our kind, these comments are more akin to thinking aloud. The mask does slip, unintentionally for a moment, through the explanation of a future behaviour before it is realised what has been said and the disclosure is brushed to one side, denied or passed off as a silly comment owing to drink or being tired. Why do these comments arise in such a manner from the lesser and mid-range of our kind? Is it guilt or remorse? No, because those emotions are not felt by our kind. It arises from a lack of control. The “bad” behaviour that will arise at some point is lurking beneath the surface and like a cat fighting to get out of a sack, it is always wanting to make an appearance but is prevented from doing so by the maintenance of the mask that is worn. Occasionally, through the loss of control – it may be drink, it may be fatigue, it may be through inattention – what lurks beneath makes a brief and fleeting appearance before the control is exerted once again. Here are fifteen portentous show and tells of our kind. Should you ever hear these comments you ought to pay heed to the warning that you are being given.
- I am a bad person really.
- I will only hurt you.
- You should stay away from me.
- I do bad things. I cannot help it. I always do.
- I will make you wish you had never met me.
- It will go wrong, it always does.
- You will end up hating me.
- You don’t know what you are getting into with me.
- You shouldn’t do this.
- You should leave while you can.
- This is going to turn out badly.
- I have to hurt people.
- I don’t want to hurt you, but I will.
- I just want to fit in.
- I’m not what you think I am.
20 thoughts on “The Portentous Remarks of the Narcissist”
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How about, “I have this anger, I try not to let it out because I know I can sometimes destroy a person with it if it gets out of hand.” I took a sip of very good Zinfandel and dismissed it. Ha!
First date…”Many men here in this city are survivors. We do what we can just to survive”
During devaluation…”I was clear with you right from the start!”
Stepnarc said to my mother:
I won’t leave you, but I will make it so you’ll want to leave me.
NA that makes me think the narc knew he was going to hurt her and do so intentionally. Why hurt anyone deliberately?
Deniseisdone
He was a POS Lesser who beat on women and children so it was really a fact and a promise. Although by then she had had plenty of evidence so it didn’t really need to be verbalized and is beyond me why she was still there to hear it.
deniseisdone
Fuel and control. From StepNarc’s POV, NA’s mother, NA and her siblings deserved it. It was their fault that he beat them.
In my opinion, these messages are not only due to a lack of control. Lack of control allows them to show up. But they are. Where? In mind Internal critic? Whose voice is this? Who installed it in you? Who talked to you like that? Who programmed you so? I know who. Mother. You think it’s your thoughts. They are yours, yes. Because they are in your mind. But you didn’t install them there. Of course, your life shows you that they are right. You do so that they confirm the truth about you. So what rules you?
Who you are? Whom are you serving?
I hope my texts are understandable. I write using google translate.
“You will end up hating me.” I didn’t think it was possible, but I do.
Honest.
My ex told me he is a sociopath. Does that self-awareness indicate a greater narcissist?
No, such an “admission” is more likely to indicate that he is a Mid Range Narcissist. When you have power, you do not give it away cheaply.
Ha! He had to buy exciting gifts and be giving in bed to keep me around and he knew it.
Also, your statement makes my unexpected “no contact” all the more gratifying. Thanks
Good evening. Of course you were spot on in the article and of course I am guilty. Jeez….
Thank you again for allowing us to share your information which I do excessively now and ppl are starting to notice!! You did the narc detector for one gentleman who posted about it – said “he’s one sharp man” so I naturally commented and that thread took off!! I’m so happy to see people finding validation, truths and expert help – they are on their road to recovery b/c of you!!!
You are a good man – people really need your help as they are suffering and lost. HUGS (I didn’t touch you so just accept)
People do need my help, yes.
Mr Tudor YOU ARE THE BEST!!!
Do not stop doing this!
Your articles opened my eyes!
I understood a lot now I think I am a different person!
I am going to buy your book RED FLAG.
I realized that many people lack information about narcissism. They have no idea.
I am sorry for Minions. They do not understand that they are manipulated. They are so gullible!
Thank you.
One man wrote he just ordered 3 of your books and I noticed 3 ladies joined the thread too! I wish you could feel my happiness right now…
I love knowing people will heal and learn and all this pain will diminish!
Is there a particular book I can suggest for the ladies that seem to find excuses on not leaving their narc? Their therapists are telling them narcs can change…
Thank you.
They should read Fuel, Manipulated, Fury, Sex to begin with.
Don’t forget Sitting Target!