17 Salvos of Silence


Silence is golden. Or rather, it is a golden weapon when deployed by our kind. The use of silent treatment against our victims is a major part of our portfolio of abusive manipulations. Easy to implement, very low in terms of energy expended but capable of reaping such considerable rewards in terms of fuel, control, the assertion of superiority and the administration of power, it is little wonder that we use it regularly. The application of silence can be used virtually at any time and in nearly every situation. This cold fury causes frustration, upset, fearfulness, concern, confusion and bewilderment. It is perfect at drawing fuel from our victims. It is astonishing just how it affects those it is used against, causing the emotional fuel to froth and spill from the perplexed and worried individual. It causes anxiety and has a most unsettling effect which ensures that those who are subjected to it are unable to understand why it is being used. By maintaining a heightened emotional state, we ensure that you never manage to grasp what is happening and why this passive aggressive tactic is being used. It plays to your desire to know what is happening and why, but you do not realise. You hover around us, asking what is wrong, why are you not speaking to me, what is the matter, please just talk to me. Every sentence you utter, ever plea you make and every beseeched demand just makes us continue it all the more. In those instances, where the silent treatment is administered and we remain proximate to you, we will maintain a glacial mask. An impassive fixed expression which may be punctuated by the occasional baleful glare, but underneath this mask we are smiling and laughing at you. Look at how upset she is, see the confusion in her eyes and wait for it, here comes another question, another plea, another request to be put out of her misery. How the fuel flows and we revel in what we see.

Even when the silent treatment is utilised against you from a distance and we are not physically with you, we are savouring just how you will be reacting. We can picture you frantically jabbing your ‘phone as you send text after text asking us to come home, to call you and just explain what the problem is. We listen to your tear-infused voicemails as you ask us to just let you know that we are okay. Your sobbing promises to work things out and “whatever I have done, I am sorry, but please, please don’t do this to me.” Of course your failure to understand what you have done is used against you in two ways so that you are damned either way. Your admission that you do not know what you have done (which of course is entirely correct, how could you know what has happened when we just walked out of the living room when everybody was say quietly watching television?) just serves to underline, in our minds, that we are right to take this course of action. Good Lord, why should we bother to contact you if you cannot even be bothered to work out what you have done wrong. All the more reason to keep this silence going for a while longer yet. Furthermore, because it is so effective at troubling you and keeping you guessing as to what the reason for this icy front is, we want to continue it.

The silent treatment is used for many reasons. First and foremost, as with all manipulations, it is used to draw fuel. It is to exert control over you. It is to keep you in an emotional place and thus paralysed, unable to see what is happening and unable to think clearly. It is to reinforce that we are powerful, superior and mighty, whilst you are useless and pathetic. You do not know how to please us, you do not know how to remedy matter and you cannot even work out what you have done. You are useless.

There is also a further reason why we use the silent treatment. This is our way of killing you. True enough there are those of our kind who actually do kill their victims. Those people are idiots. They lack control, function and competence and allow their knee-jerk response to override their need for fuel and the ability to do as we please. By committing such an act, by losing control and killing, those of our kind who do this (invariably the lesser of our kind) not only destroy their primary source of fuel (often with no true contingency in place) but they then hand themselves on a plate to the authorities, a prison sentence and the attendance diminution in fuel gathering opportunities that arise from incarceration. As I wrote, they are idiots.

Those of us who exert control over our responses, those of us who are of a higher function, who plot and plan and calculate, do not go down such a route. No, instead we slay with silence and here are seventeen salvos which bring about that quiet death.

  1. Remaining in the room and saying nothing and not even acknowledging you.
  2. Remaining silent but staring malevolently at you.
  3. Talking to others in a social gathering but blanking you.
  4. Ignoring your telephone calls.
  5. Answering your telephone calls but saying nothing as we listen to you beg and plea before ending the call.
  6. Ignoring your text messages.
  7. Allowing you to know we have read your messages but never responding.
  8. Responding to everybody else’s comments on a social media post but not yours.
  9. Inviting everybody in a social group to which you belong, to an event, but not inviting you.
  10. Agreeing to meet for a date and not turn up.
  11. Sleeping in the spare room or on the sofa, anywhere but in the bed with you.
  12. Walking out all of a sudden and completely disappearing.
  13. Not engaging with you directly but acknowledging your existence through a third party – “John, did you hear something then? I thought I heard something squeak/whine/moan” used when you speak.
  14. Extending the silent treatment so it is meted out by lieutenants and members of the coterie.
  15. Responding to any written communication from you by writing “I do not recognise the sender of this letter/message/e-mail”
  16. We talk to you but only about our day, what we want to discuss and do not allow you to speak. We talk over you, ignore what you have to say and behave as if we are talking to ourselves in the mirror.
  17. You hear from other parties that we have been talking in terms as if you do not exist – “Yes, I am going to the wedding next week, I am happy to do so on my own, I am not being controlled then.” Even though you had no idea that we have such a plan in mind. Your existence has been eradicated and deleted by us and relayed back to you by proxy.

Yes, the application of the silent treatment is powerful indeed. It is regarded as a “death blow” against you.

Murdering without feeling has never been so damn appealing.

15 thoughts on “17 Salvos of Silence

  1. Manuel Simon Rodriguez says:

    Silent treatment at first kills but then it is the double-edged sword that frees you from evil. Thank you for not calling me in three years, motherfucker without you, I would never have succeeded.

    1. E&L says:

      Go get em’ Manuel! You got this!

  2. Cyn says:

    Heaven forbid though we do not respond to a text in a timely manner, spend an entire day on our own without checking in, do not answer a call immediately, or a few calls, or resound to emails at work…

  3. Jules says:

    Silence is Golden.
    Duct tape is Silver. 😶

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I prefer somewhere soundproofed.

      1. Jules says:

        As it please You Sir. 🖤

  4. Cindy says:

    What does the narc (MMR) feel when the silent treatment is used on them?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Depends how it is done. Present Silent Treatment will equate to Challenge Fuel, Absent Silent Treatment may wound IF the narcissist is trying to communicate with you. If not, your silent treatment is meaningless.

  5. kaydiva3 says:

    My ex MMRN gave me silent treatments at times, but then he would get upset if I wasn’t talkative. I am a quiet person and he initially said he liked this about me. But later on he would appear anxious and irritated if I wasn’t saying much. He said “you’re too quiet, I’m uncomfortable sitting in silence and I can’t stand your blank look”. Did he think I was giving him my own silent treatment, or was this likely just part of devaluation?

    1. K says:

      Seduction: I am a quiet person and he initially said he liked this about me.

      Devaluation: He said “you’re too quiet, I’m uncomfortable sitting in silence and I can’t stand your blank look”.

      He appeared anxious and irritated to exert control and draw negative fuel from you; it’s also gas lighting. If you have time, read the link below; you may find it helpful.


  6. the simul says:

    Ostracism is death to the reptile brain

  7. cogra002 says:

    Excellent article, as always. This sounds like my ex, lol. I forgot about some of these tools. I didn’t realize until lately that he was Narky, too.
    If you must go through this, do your best to enjoy your time off from the Narc and get your own things done, see friends, get out.
    It’s really hard, I know.
    Funny how Narcs hate it if they are giving you the silent treatment and someone else pays u a lot of attention. 😁
    And u enjoy it.

  8. Cyn says:

    I was drawn to narc 2, the other half of the sandwich for his ability to maintain his composure. His silence and ability to stonewall me were some of his best weapons to control. There were few shouting matches (he preferred text battles so he could control and not be cornered) but he would stonewall me

    1. cogra002 says:

      Wish I was there and we could out and about during silent treatment! A little girls night out. It makes me mad when I see these manipulations, and I start feeling “you want do the silent treatment, I’ll show u silent treatment…”
      Once i went so far as to check into a hotel (with the pets) and let him wonder.

      1. Cyn says:

        The hotel is perfect!!!!

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