Let’s Hear From You!
One of my readers asked me if I had noticed whether there was any particular moment amongst my readers that made them have an “aha!” moment where matters clicked into place.
It is a valuable question. So, rather than me answer it, I am going to let you.
Of all of the work I have produced, whether in article, book, YouTube video, Instagram meme or in consultation, what did you find that made you realise something for the first time? What caused something to click into place and grant you enlightenment? It may have been a major moment, a significant breakthrough or a side issue which suddenly made sense as a consequence of what you have learned from me. Do explain, in doing so, you may aid other readers to focus on that article or book so they have the same breakthrough that you did.
133 thoughts on “Let’s Hear From You!”
YouTube “Unhappy Birthday.” I was miserable, sick, sad, unstable, etc. Searching the YouTube channel and looking for some relief or explanation. After three years of therapy and not even my therapist had a clue as to what my narc really was or the nature of the dynamic in our relationship. It was my birthday and I had been stood. When I heard those first words from you, a deep, soothing and, yes, alluring voice, I sat on my couch, jaw dropped because every single thing you said described in accurate detail my predicament. Then, I kept watching. Subscribed. And through your help was able to break free, and survive. I can honestly say that you saved my life. I have shared your site to many others. And now I continue to be a devotee, Tudorite. You have done me, and so many people, a great service. And I also have now been enjoying the readings such as the Raven (perfect HG!) Thanks for all you are doing. And your insightful website, with intelligent readers responses.
You are very welcome Joy Ascending and as always it is pleasing to read another reader/viewer who has found freedom and understanding through my work. I also appreciate you spreading the word.
HG, is Demi Moore a narcissist?
Thanks for replying HG, her behaviour is like a narcissist but so many famous people could be perceived that way and not actually be narcissists. The reason I was sure she was one, is her eyes, she’s got those eyes that I can spot now !! Watching her talking about her new book recently I noticed, plus there’s that thing about her, it’s hard to explain but it’s almost vacant there’s no substance or realness , even when she’s talking about serious things or things that are real etc. Hard to explain !! I don’t know about Ashton but I’ve always thought he was only with her for who she was regardless of whether he’s a narc or not.
Demi Moore’s marriage to Ashton Kutcher was narc on narc action, then.
Ashton is a narc too?
So many ‘aha’ moments on here it’s really tough to say what made the most difference. I had a very surprising and random aha moment when HG published the article about how narcs feel about pets, of all things! It came at the absolute most perfect time, since I was questioning whether he was or wasn’t a narc… due to my ET (despite all the other strong red flags!). That same week that the article came out, he took his two older cats, both of whom he’d owned for a decade, back to the shelter because he described them marking. He did not indicate that this was difficult or sad or lamentable at all. He told me like he was telling me about buying milk. Any time I need to remind myself what a douchebag he is, I think about that article and that instance.
Apologies for the mistake HG! It is a shame because I often re read this book at my lunch break – when I need some healthy dose of dark humour to lift my mood.
The Narcissist’s New Clothes is one of my favourite tales – the main character reminds me of my previous boss.
My biggest aha moment was after i read your article “Why does he seem like a different person”. The stranger setting was enlightening.
Also the articles like “What the narcissist thinks when help is needed”, “a lack of support”, ”thought fuel”, “to cope is to control” made many things clear. I think the narc i was ensnared by was a golden child.
The narcissist’s social media law N12: just because it says i have read your message this is not determinative proof that i have.
I am glad that i have found your youtube channel HG after which i started to read your articles here on blog. If not your amazing work i would have breached no contact to try to gain some answers from the narc.
I learned a lot from interviews as well.
I’ve had an epiphany. Don’t want to hijack anyone’s thread, but I came to the 1st place that I could reply or vent my spleen.
HG: You are a wealth of helpful information about how the Narcissist thinks.
However; how the Narcissist thinks and how WE/Empaths think are markably different.
WE have the power. THEY think they own us til one of us dies. Hardly. We move on, they do not. We create a life after that has zero to do with them. They do not. This owning of us, is in THEIR heads-not ours.
HG speaks of their reality vs our reality. Our reality is far from theirs. Do not get caught up in thinking you are a lifelong victim because the Narc thinks you are and wants you to be.
This is NOT our/your reality.
Logically think…if it were, why would there be so many happy success stories after GOSO?
If we were perpetual victims, there wouldn’t be.
Although I admire the things that HG has taught us-only from a Narcissists perspective-remember, that is only his perspective.
Things are not back or white, but many shades of gray.
We got this, they do NOT own us in spite of what THEY think.
We are stronger than them. We have self esteem and they HATE us for that.
Hello SC, I have always maintained that there are differing perspectives between narcissists and non-narcissists. The whole point of explaining those differences is to give you insight, it does not mean that our way is “right”, it is right for us, but not for you, but there is no objective standard of what is “right” it is a subjective matter.
Yes, there is no objective standard for what is right, true or real. There is however a concept of Truth and Reality that we as a society have agreed upon and document (e.g. by having things on public record). Where a narcissists perception collides with this, it is hence perceived as lies and manipulation, regardless of what the narcissim has the narcissist believe.
Furthermore, a narcissits idea of truth and reality is entirely unreliable, as the narcissism will cause the narcs recollection of events to shift and twist in order to regain control, with no awareness of the narcissist himself that this is what has happened, there is no compass pointing north.
Indeed, that is an intra-subjective truth. As you state, it is a perception.
This is a big question because there have been so many moments of discovery. I stumbled upon KTN while googling perplexing behaviors I did not understand. One by one, every aspect of N behavior was explained so clearly from the perspective of the master narcissist, that epiphanies just kept coming. Virtually every article and the comments and answers that follow are all enlightening. Each revelation slowly strips away the confusion and frustration, but in its wake, there is sadness also as I wish I had known sooner there is no way to change/free/heal a N. Key articles that helped me understand the N and E: To Control is to Cope (this ignited much research on genetics and epigenetic influence on N creation as well as research on how empathy is created), Attachment is the Seat of Misery, Matrinarc, Three Strands of Empathy, Empathy Cake, Magnet Empath, Super Empath, Questioning the Silence and many more. Best all time helpful HG quote: “Cease Giving Energy”–Briliant. I could not be more grateful for finding so much insight on so many levels. Thank you all.
I found my aha!!!!!!! moment! I live in the US and work on London hours, so I was home by 1pm. It’s the start of the anxiety filled weekend of keeping myself from texting, calling, emailing, looking at social media when I know I will be having some wine and my emotional thinking is getting the best of me. I changed my number but he has it again because I broke no contact a few times. Some were responded to early on with more devaluation, more recently silence. So, I decided to read Chained I have read only half of the book and my aha moment hit. I am the codependent 10000000%. Reading the lines that codependents will never leave because we are incapable of a normal relationship is my AHA moment. The previous disengagement lasted 3 years, with a sprinkle of texts back and forth, a roll in the hay I’m assuming to keep me chained but not reel me back in yet. For 3 years I isolated, had a few dates, was asked on many more and declined all of them all because they were too normal. I knew that I couldn’t have normal, I kept saying “I’ll chew them up and spit them out” because I thought I wasn’t over my narchole, but now I know it was far deeper than that. I know for a fact I cannot be in a normal relationship because something in me is broken. If I were to date someone normal, I would be miserable and in turn make that persons life a living hell. I would be doing the things that have been done to me to this nice normal person. So HG there is my aha moment, I am so glad I chose this book. I will be purchasing another book later, what do you suggest as a good follow up to Chained? I know and he knows I’m codependent so I’m assuming it’s only a matter of time before a hoover comes my way, as I saw him driving in my neighborhood yesterday, at the same time I get home from work, 1 block from my house and not on a main street. Any suggestions would be appreciated. You are in fact the master, and I want that in my corner! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
You are welcome
And my final comments and gratitude for:
Date Defender – the only wise, logical dating advice one needs! No sugar coating, no fake positivity but pure logic and wisdom.
I strongly recommend Date Defender to anyone who consider dating again.
And together with Date Defender you must read Red Flag book . I am still reading the book but I have learned already how to spot more red flags in the early stage in a relationship, before is too late and before being entangled again with a narcissist.
One thing on this blog that deeply touched me is Angel Assistance.
Especially the recent campaign when HG matched all donations in lieu of his birthday present.
A narcissist- yes
A noble person – yes !
A dark soul – maybe , perhaps
A dark angel – yes
I read today on my way back from work some very interesting articles about the fallen angels in the prism of the Orthodox Slavic mythology. Even some of them did good things.
My mind associated HG with those not so dark fallen angels .
In this second post I would like to express my opinion about the books I have read so far :
Sex and the Narcissist – an eye opener what sex / intimacy really means to a narcissist. I was deluded that I can be intimate with a narcissist in the same way like with a normal person. I have posted previously in few occasions that I can always be satisfied on physical level ( lust) no matter if it is the combo sex/love or just sex, long or short term relationship or ONS . But intimacy is much deeper thing than the purely physical activity during sex and the lessons learnt are that one cannot experiences any real intimacy with a narcissist( regardless gender, sexual orientations, age) . It cannot be created or cherished; for the narcissist the sex is the most powerful form of control and the intimacy is an illusion. No matter how breath taking the sex with a narcissist could be , there is no soul connection, no intimacy. Narcs use sex to assert control and ensnare you further, to build an addiction to a fake intimacy so when the devaluation hits you are a broken version of yourself ; you are like a drug addict during abstinence.
One must understand that for narcissist sex is just a business to make you their slave; not for your or their pleasure.
This is the raw truth . Don’t be blinded by your ET that he/ she / it loves you . They don’t.
Revenge – the only book that precisely describes why you don’t have to see the revenge but if you are still keen to do so – where is the right time and what to do and what do not in order to succeed.
A masterpiece addition to any victim’s library
Sitting Target – I learned the sneaky , dirty tactics that the narcissists use to prey on their victims. The witty descriptions of kind of narcissists and the real life scenario examples makes the book outstanding.
No Contact – absolutely must have ! You cannot truly escape from a narcs if you didn’t have read the books . No Contact is beyond just blocking or deleting their phone numbers , email addresses, social media , etc . I was stunned to learn how far a Narc can go in order to break the No Contact! Honestly, I never ever even think to do this and that to someone who doesn’t want to see me anymore. This book is your map , your GPS on the long journey to freedom; the journey to the escape .
Dark Tales – my new favourite entertaining book. I love HG’s dark humour. Please more dark tales HG:).
Donkeyskin was one of my favourite fairytales although now I think she was kinda Narc. Apologies for the off topic .
Thank you Claire, it is Narc Tales by the way.