Don´t Fail Me
I have exacting standards. It is important to do so in order to achieve success and make my mark on the world. Owing to this, I hate being let down. If you tell me that we are meeting for lunch at 1pm then I expect you there at 1pm. Punctuality is the politeness of kings. If you are late you are telling me that you do not value my time. That is unacceptable. If you explain that you can deliver the product I want, the way I want it and in the colour I have chosen, I expect you to adhere to that. I am not interested in excuses. I will exert my influence as far as I can to ensure that what I have been promised is provided. I will cajole, coerce, persuade and harass to ensure the outcome is as was confirmed to me. Hotels, restaurants, shops, online providers, sporting venues, bars, people, products – all of them have been subjected to my precision and desire for high standards. I provide excellence in my profession (of course aided by a legion of underlings but it is at my direction).
Nobody likes to things to be wrong do they? Nobody wants a blue car when they asked for black. Nobody wants the wrong name or age on their birthday cake. I am sure I am not alone in my desire to achieve error-free services, goods and people. That is a laudable sentiment. Should I fail to deliver on my promises then it will be because I have been let down first. I have an aversion to disappointment and my failing can only arise as a consequence of the neglect and negligence of another. Each and every day I strive to ensure that I am not left flailing in the wind, as dejection cuts through me as a consequence of having been let down. It cannot happen again.
Where does this demand for delivery and high standards come from? It comes from my dread and fear of being let down. I cannot stand it. It breaks me in two and rips open a wound that has never properly healed. Being let down undermines me, makes me feel unwanted, unnoticed and unappreciated. All things which are anathema to me. He let me down all those years ago. I relied on him. Well, we relied on one another. It was, or at least it was as I thought, an unbreakable bond. I looked to him and admired how he carried on, when all hope seemed to have gone. The towering waves of misfortune and misery would crash against him but he was always unbroken and unbowed. He said that he would always look after me. He told me that he would protect me against those slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. I knew the world was a dangerous place, a cruel domain which showed no mercy and took no prisoners. I had seen with my own eyes what this place had done and could do. I was under no illusion as to the harshness of the vagaries of treading along the mortal path. He listened to my hopes and fears and he understood them like no other. He made me feels safe and wanted. I hung on his every word, mimicked what he did and pledged my unswerving loyalty. He accepted my fealty with open, gracious arms and I fell into them, safe in the knowledge that nothing could tear us apart. He promised me that,
“I will never let you down.”
I still hear his voice saying those words. But he did. He left. He let me down.
26 thoughts on “Don´t Fail Me”
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Another great article and another awesome pic
Thank you.
As you said in one of your articles: attachment is a seat of misery. It is easy to let go of a person when you are not attached to him or her if they let you down.
“He listened to my hopes and fears and he understood them like no other. He made me feel safe and wanted.”- it was painful to read not only this part but the whole article.
A beautiful elegiac article.
Sorry for your loss,HG .
Whatever you have lost – a loved one or your once innocent and clean soul of a child, your pain and sadness are presented in this writing.
May the time ease the pain.
“Being let down undermines me, makes me feel unwanted, unnoticed and unappreciated. All things which are anathema to me.”
Same HG. Disappointment is a punch in the gut for me too. It literally hurts. Expectations are of the devil! How can I learn not to expect? Narcissists know it hurts. (as Kathleen said) This is the reason I went NC with my N. Too many gut punches. Too much pain. Let down after let down. Year after year after year. The last time seemed small, but it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. No contact is the only way not to have expectations and to beat the devil.
However- then so the narcissist makes a game of letting everyone else down?. I think i saw the pattern and tried to reassure my ex that I’m not going anywhere, I’m 100% in, etc. but it never mattered- i still got left hanging, waiting, wondering, ignored.
Is the narcissist often instinctually playing a game of leave them first/hurt them first- before they screw you over?
I stayed trying to prove my loyalty and it didn’t matter- I probably was just seen as a dummy by narc.
The narcissist is applying instinctively the need for control. This will manifest as leaving you first as a means to assert control.
HG is it a possiblity that in some causes the N wont leave? What I mean is to disengage to also assert control?
There are a wide range of measures used to assert control over appliances – these are called manipulations.
Your right ,thank you!
I forgot HG, you do understand.
HG, I’m so sorry that you were betrayed. Thank you for sharing.
Sorry to hear about this HG.Its sounds like someone that was close to you passed away perhaps it was a friend. May he rest in peace.
But was it done maliciously??
What was “what” done maliciously DID?
His leaving you?
Thank you for clarifying.
No.
Is this person your father?
I’m not sure 🤔
Who is ‘he’? Who let you down?
njfilly
It was his best friend and HG was 9 at time.
Thank you for responding. Did he write an article about it? Or, how do you know about it?
My pleasure njfilly
HG did not write an article about it, however, I was able to find the answers in the old threads. Under each article, you will find the word: Related. Hit the title and it will take you to the old threads. It’s a great way to find many of the answers to your questions. Enjoy the reading.
HG Tudor says:
December 18, 2016 at 15:53
Thank you Indy. The detail is contained in a forthcoming book. I was 9 years old.
Snow White says:
December 18, 2016 at 15:34
Good morning HG,
Have you written about your best friend and what happened? How you were let down?
HG Tudor says:
December 18, 2016 at 15:52
I have in a forthcoming book.
https://narcsite.com/2016/12/17/dont-fail-me-2/
Dear K,
Thank you so much for responding and providing this information. You are very thoughtful and helpful.
If I may ask you a couple more questions; do you know if he ever wrote the book? What is the title?
Thank you.
My pleasure njfilly
And, thank you for your kind words and, please, feel free to ask questions any time. The book has not been published yet.
Did he die?