A Stolen Love
Our victims have many things in common. Those shared traits are why they are chosen and why they become subjected to our incessant manipulations. The evidence of considerable empathic traits is of course one of the pre-requisites to gaining the attention of the narcissist. Exhibit a tendency to care, an ability to see another person’s point of view and a desire to help and you are issuing a neon-lit “Come and get me” to our kind. Your high-scoring on the empathic scale is naturally of considerable value to us. There is, however, another core principle that you all share which is irresistibly attractive to us. This is your devotion to love. You believe in love, you are advocates of the act of loving, you give love and (although not always) you want to be loved in return. Love is all you need, love conquers all and love is a many splendored thing. Love matters. You see that the world can and will be a better place if more love is exhibited. You love with a depth that is beyond many people. You truly give your all. Your love is perfect, selfless and based on a deep-seated notion that loving someone is the best and most wonderful thing one person can do for another. Such noble and laudable sentiments. Your status as a devotee to love means that you will strive to maintain that love once it has been gained. Love may give the appearance of having departed but you know, you believe, you always believe that it can be found and resurrected. That which has become dulled and blunted will be polished and returned to sharpness. That beautiful golden glow will shine again and you are the person to make it happen. You are the healer and the fixer. That which is broken shall be mended by the application of your burgeoning heart. You are a disciple of love and as such there is nothing you can do but act in accordance with the principles of loving. It is second nature to you. You are so full of love you must find ways of allowing it to manifest in the world and of course the pinnacle of doing so is to find that special someone. You want to find the one so that all of this marvellous love can find its true home. You are compelled to find your soul mate, your life partner and your best friend. Only then can your obligation to provide this amazing love be fulfilled and we thank you for being this way. On a daily basis we give thanks that you delicious and beautiful empathic individuals are committed to the promotion, promulgation and practice of love.
We come with the appearance of being that one special person who you can lay all your love upon. That person who will readily accept all of the love you have to offer and we will return it. Some of you would happily give this love in order to ensure there is an elated recipient and amazingly it would not matter to you whether that love was returned or not. Your sacrificial nature is stunning yet even more welcome. We are of course content to reflect your love in order to bring about yet more from you. We understand the transaction and we are happy to oblige because we are giving you absolutely nothing. We have come to take. We have descended on you ready to strip you of every ounce of love that you can provide. We will slurp it from you, nibble it from your straining frame and gulp it down as we devour your love. We will take it away from you time and time again. Do not be mistaken and think that you are providing this love based on a reality. You are doing so on a false premise. You have been conned into giving this love to us because we make you think we are the very thing you want when in reality we are anything but. We are fraudsters and we have come to take your love. If you knew what we truly were you would not offer your perfect love to us but we want it. We want it so much and we always take it. We make you unknown martyrs to the provision of love. We come without warning even though we appear with an explosion, all of it aimed to distract and misdirect so that we may pilfer your love. Our thieving knows no limits or bounds as we take what does not belong to us and use it for our own warped purposes. We keep on stealing your love until you are left spent and wretched, sat amidst the ruins of the relationship which once seemed impregnable and infinite and now is little more than ash streaked across blunted stone. We gorge on your love, gluttons that feed at the banqueting table as you slowly realise that the sumptuous love we appeared to return to you is in fact empty, a puff of air and without any substance. Yet this realisation comes far too late for by then the damage is done. Not only have we helped ourselves to all of your love we have, invariably ripped away and stolen your capacity for further love. Once you finally extricate yourself from our grip and eventually make sense of what has happened to you, even though it may take some considerable time, how often have your kind uttered the sentence,
“I do not think I will ever love any again, how can I after that?”
Words similar to such a question are regularly uttered by those who have been sucked into our malevolent maelstrom. We are the love thieves. We come and take the love to which we are not entitled but we are not done with that. Oh no. We rip out your heart in order to leave you so bereft that you can never love again. We steal your love. We are the love thieves of your past, your present and your future love.
25 thoughts on “A Stolen Love”
“ I do not think I will ever love any again, how can I after that “
This is so me, these doubts often disturbs my mind. Yes, I successfully implemented No Contract ( both Narcs), I have self confidence, self love, job, hobbies and so on.
And the others, the normal people who were not ensnared with a narcissist, have no idea about these sad questions popping in the mind of every victim of narcissist, how hard is to put the brave face and how easy is to lose the faith ( in love , not in God) .
Yes, one can occupy themselves in work activities, looking after kids or elderly parents , having hobbies, doing community work. But the void and the doubts are still be present.
Thank you , HG for this article! It is still painful ( the aftermath of the feelings) , honestly, no more than 2 months since I kicked out of my life Narc 2 and Narc 1 tried to break No Contact last weekend after few months silence ( the attempt was unsuccessful).
But it is so comforting and make me feel better that at least someone, you, the Ultra , you can understand how it ‘s feels.
And other víctims Claire, they understandd you best…. Take care and love yourself a lot!!!… 😉
Or we get smart, learn self worth, and move on to a healthy well adjusted person who adores us. There’s that too lol
Who says we can’t love anymore? Love puppies, kittens, horses, and even human babies. (Warning: when humans grow up, they often become dangerous.)
Love doesn’t have to be romantic love. I wouldn’t mind sharing a bed with my neighbor’s Chow mix in winter, but it would be wretchedly hot in summer, and my feelings are not erotic.
It helps you heal. Maybe it’ll help you build the courage to try human love again, but even if you never do, you’re not isolated.
Meanwhile, you’re focussed on someone besides the narc who broke your heart. (Keep Fido or Fluffy safe, because the narc might seek vengeance on an animal who’s getting all the attention now.)
Loving well is the best revenge.
It is different, Violetta. The love that I have for my family, for all animals including my own rescued cat cannot replace the natural desire for romantic love, for a romantic relationship with someone special.
I really liked your advice to keep Fluffy and Fido safe; my both Narcs were not animal lovers.
🙂 Fluffy was safe because I made it clear any mistreatment would be met accordingly – i. e. you dare to kick or hit her , then you will be given the rare opportunity to experience how good my kicks are. Although we were already divorced, Mr Narc 1 lived at my home for a while .
Thus, the need to prevent any form of abuse toward my four legged little friend.
This stuff makes me sick—the “come and get me part.” HG—I don’t want to be vacant of positive emotions but I don’t want a bullseye on my back. It’s nice to have someone be honest and just say it’s basically this. The good thing is that I like being alone almost all of the time aside from friends/kids. I refuse to date an unattractive “empath”with nothing to offer so kiss that idea goodbye too!
i used to trust nearly evrybody, now i suspect nearly evrybody
actually i’m a bit thankful to him, he himself used to tell me that i’m living in a dream world not the real one, and he was right, it is time i wake up.
of course, i don’t minimise what you have gone through,i know that many in this blog had their lifes completely shatered by that relationship. i speak only about my case, we didn’t have children, it lasted only 8 months, and i didn’t loose a house, a jobe or a friendship.
the biggest of my pain came from my realisation that the world isn’t what i thaugh it was, and my black and white thinking.
I unfortunately agree with this. I remember a few months after I escaped narc 2, I saw a lovey dovey couple in a store and thought “Thank the Gods I don’t ever have to feel that way again.” I do believe in it for others. Some times it works out. Companionship is nice but I like my own space. I don’t feel any spark to know new potential people and shun those who try as I don’t have it in me to connect- just not there. I don’t trust. I don’t have the emotional energy nor desire to love like that again. That piece of me isn’t there anymore and I’m ok without it. Probably better actually. I am not bitter. I’m just missing that romantic love piece. But I’m not a narc. Maybe I’m a narc hybrid now lol!
Love is a killer,my N killed it ,I dont believe in it anymore.
This one still stings but I can truly appreciate the brutal honesty of it now.
To never love again….This was true for me a long time. I had 2 long relationships wit narcissists. First 7 year relationship was when i was 16 years old.
He was 36 years old! And had another girlfriend. Drugs user and very abusive. I think he is a victim lesser.
Second relationship, 10 years, very abusive. Also the father of my children. I think he is a somatic lesser.
I escaped both, but had to start a new life away from them.
At the time i did not know they are narcissists.
This is now 13 years ago, and i struggled with relationships and ptss for years.
Even had a short relationship with a midrange elite.
I had trauma therapy and iam better now.
I found this site in july this year. And wow ,what a eye opener. Knowledge is the key.
Everything makes sence now.
Just becouse of what i have read here, i still have love to give and also want to recieve, but only for the people i choose. Epathic People.
Iam now in a relationship, 2,5 years, with a normal guy.
We don’t live together, i like to be and stay independent.
So for me i can say i can love again.
Thank you so much HG for your writing.
I will keep on reading here, becouse my brother is also with a female narc, and the ex, mother of my boyfriend’s children, seems at least very narcisstic.
I hope my English is oké, its not my own language.
You are welcome.
HG, your writing is sometimes scarier than any horror movie I’ve seen. This is so painfully accurate. This man was everything to me even though we weren’t together very long. He was everything I’d ever hoped for, and then he drained the life from me to the point I actually got sick and was in the hospital. Then he discarded me like trash and never spoke to me again. The scariest part was that throughout all this I honestly believed that he loved me unconditionally in return. I haven’t been able to have a relationship since.
Wow I am sorry to hear that. 😢 We live in a cruel world… How long it’s been since you two separated?
He was special to me indeed. From best friend to worst enemy.
“We rip out your heart in order to leave you so bereft that you can never love again. We steal your love. We are the love thieves of your past, your present and your future love.”
Why? Because you are incapable of love yourself?
“I do not think I will ever love any again, how can I after that?”
I don’t want to love either. It is better to be loved and give your respect and appreciation in return.
I feel the same way AR.,I love going to weddings but not anymore, and when I heard the grooms speech about how much he loves his wife I wanted to throw up. My husband was sitting beside me . I felt like getting up and and calling them all liars. Maybe the groom was being honest but I dont believe in love anymore. I only love my kids and when they will move on I will only have myself to love. He ruined the concept of love and he was a cupid dressed in black.
I can imagine how it made you feel.
My narcissistic relative is getting married in winter. I will see my narc at the wedding. Can’t wait to get my revenge. I am patient though.
Noone can’t be trusted completely in this selfish, cruel, dark world as each person has their own needs, interests and goals. Therefore it is necessary to be independent especially financially and always have plan B if something doesn’t go as expected and planned. My own family betrayed me and broke my heart several times. What made me think that a stranger will not do the same that time. My love was blind. I felt like home around him. He made me feel safe. He was good at making me smile and laugh when i was upset.
Wow…. Though I still trust in love…
Even now more then ever, “you” teached me how little I was able to love myself! And how less I felt about myself. “you” teached me the imporance of SELF-LOVE! 😃…
Because of “you” I now learn parts of me Inever realised before.
Because of “you” I now know the importance of my Intuition and trust her….
Yes “you” did I very good job in everything, yes you did, I have suffered and still sometimes do. Though the tears I have now are not for “you” anymore…..
Probaly “you” do NOT CARE, THOUGH I hope some victim or surviver will read me….
Yes “you” understand your job very well. “you” violated my soul and stole my heart but what you never ever can take is my love. Because you do NOT know what that is….
I amagine it takes a lot of inner work self aceptance letting go and detachments….
It takes very skilled people who can show and acompany us in this path…
It takes the world to know more about it….
I know I am not there yet, Probaly it has marked me for ever and ever…. Though acepting it is a little step in this long and complexed path of self healing
I want to share here that right now for me the most important is me I and myself.
Learning to love myself and heal
I learned some about the perspective of “us” and now I am learning some about “your” perspective….
It gives me the shivers and it s amazing….
Amazing aswell “you” get away with it one time after another…..
And no one to stop “you-guys”….
Once I read somebody writing that you guys will be alone getting older ore die being alone…. Who wants tone with someone like “you”
For a second that made me feel good but then I felt that that is not true.
You will never be alone and if you donot want to you are not even going to die alone
Just because of your manipulation skills you can be with and when you want….
The thought of it “you” suffering being alone was nice for a second, but…….
And you know what, “you-guys” kind of have “the perfect” life (not referring about the Hurt you construct) because of not knowing fear, an emotion that makes “us” live many times a life we Don t want….
Not be able to let go and bring attached to so much that paralizes “us”…
“YOU” instead, live the life you want. Dowhat you like. If you do NOT like something or somebody you just change… Without a blink….
“YOU” can NOT feel nor understand that many of “us” just can not walk away from something or somebody “we” Don t like or do not give us a y benefits…
“YOU” cannot feel and put yourself in the Hurt of other people…..
That saves you a lot of energy, it saves you a lot of many things…. 😉
Sometimes, these last days it makes me wonder…..
“us” would Probaly say that feeling is part of being a human being…. Etc etc etc and I do agree….
I don t see it bothers “them”…..
They seem, no, they are so good with themselves….
Why not? I mean….
You know “them” and you are listenening to HG.
He is now even making money with it…..
HG love to talk to you, one day…..
For now, not yet, like to invest money in you!
Who knows, one day, time knows…. Perhaps you know and even I😉…
This made me sad. Excellent writing as usual HG, it just hit a nerve I think.
So sorry you are going through this AR,can you try and apply NO CONTACT maybe not go to the wedding? I agree we should always have a plan B because you never know what might happen in the future .
I wish you the best of luck in your future ,and remember if you got rid of him dont try for revenge it will give him FUEL!
Thank you Pati, best of luck to you too:)
I am still abroad and i don’t want to go back to my home country but it is my relative’s wedding so i can’t miss it. I haven’t been to weddings for a quite long time. I read HG’s book called revenge. I know how to have a good poker face. An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. It is good that he will come. I will use this fact to my advantage. I can be audacious when i need to.
Good luck with that AR let us know the outcome Have fun at the wedding!
Thanks Pati, I will.