Poll : “Dick Pics” – Your Experience

 

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The advent of sending pictures by mobile telephone and then social media resulted in a proliferation of one particular phenomenon, the “dick pic”. Whether it is an in your face, up close and throbbing , picture of an erect male member or a more relaxed pose demonstrating this fellow is a shower and may also be a grower, there is evidence of the sending of such pictures all over the internet.

And it is not just the men.

There are plenty of women who have sent pictures of themselves naked, either with a hand cupped coquettishly over themselves providing a sneak of what lies underneath, a confident pose in front of a mirror, a shot from behind with skirt hitched up or a no holds barred legs apart shot.

The sending of such pictures and the behaviour of the recipient provide interesting insights into the dynamic of narcissist and victim.

This poll is seeking information about your own experiences and will be the basis of a future article concerning this behaviour within the narcissistic dynamic.

Please see the options below and you may answer as many as are applicable.

Do expand with your observations in the comments section.

Thank you for participating.

Your Experience Concerning "Dick Pics"

View Results

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443 Comments

  1. HG….I’ll do the gags thanks.

    Might not want to say that on this thread…..just saying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. SMH. I see you have made a new friend. Nice that you are getting spelling lessons also. But I must say I find them to be quite rood….. sorry I mean *rude

    1. Kim e, I didn’t make any spelling mistakes and I do not understand Mr. Z’s response. Grammatical error? Wrong identity label? Oh well!

      1. I, and any other transgender person I’ve known, would prefer not to be called “transgendered”. If that’s alright with you. If a transgender person you know was okay with it, that’s great, but it just doesn’t work for the majority of us.

        1. OK millennial! (jk) My apologies for using the wrong label, Zielum. Is ‘trans’ okay? (Serious question.)

          1. Lol. Yeah, “trans” is great, as long as it’s always a descriptor and not a noun. I.e, we’re transgender people, not “transgenders”.

            You’ll find most trans people are really welcoming of any effort to understand. The conservative crowd will insist we’re all a bunch of snowflakes who must be catered to, but honestly, we just want a few simple gestures of respect as human beings. We can’t really help the way we are, and the end goal is really to live in harmony with cis people, rather than ending up on the news all the time for the latest clash (lawsuits, harassment, murder).

            As with any activism, the younger crowd (mostly students) are the most insistently vocal over rights. They don’t always have a lot of real-world, big-picture perspective, and I think that’s why the conservative crowd likes to latch onto what they’re saying. Easier targets.

          2. Zielum, i identify as cisgender but also as sexually fluid and I have dated a person who identified as transgender or gender non-conforming. In this person’s particular case,I tried as much as possible to about the use of pronouns. When asked, my ex answered not feeling particularly represented with either masculine or feminine pronouns. Some people used feminine and some used masculine, I tried to use the proper name instead which of course would sound repetitive on certain occasions but I preferred that to making assumptions about which pronoun would better fit. In general it’s a question of respecting the individual, not so much of social norms. That’s why I agree with you that one person can’t speak for the whole community. I hate when people make generalizations about bisexuals for instance. Being inclusive is essential and unfortunately we are too far from achieving that goal but the interest shown in the blog proves that people are willing to learn and correct past social mistakes.

          3. Mercy
            and
            Sweetest Perfection,

            Yep, best way to know is to ask, and then just try your best.

            I’ve had the range of it–
            from my parents, who didn’t bother even trying to use the correct pronouns at a restaurant, and then deploying guilt-inducing pity plays when I carefully brought it up;
            to the friends who make one tiny misgendering mistake and then spend un *uncomfortably* long time apologizing profusely.

            Sensitivity differs with everyone but I think a lot of us just want to be treated like normal people. So like, just give it an honest effort, but if you accidentally say the wrong thing, it’s not a big deal–one short “sorry” and then course correction. It’s the intent that matters most. When someone is overly apologetic, we end up having to be the one in the comforting role and we feel really awkward. If you look up videos by trans YouTubers (Ty Turner, Chase Ross, Jamie Dodger, Stef Sanjati) this sentiment is echoed quite a bit.

            Also random thing– a female-to-male (FTM) transgender person is a “trans man”, while a male-to-female (MTF) transgender person is a “trans woman”. We’re referred to by our gender identity, not the sex we were born as. Throwing that in just cause I’ve so often seen the public at large genuinely confused about it.

            At the end of the day…we’re just humans, like anyone else. We know exactly how confusing it all is because most of us (who didn’t “figure it out” by the age of 4) went through that exact same confusion when we were trying to figure out why the hell our mind was telling us that our body is wrong. Especially earlier in transition, trans people sometimes misgender themselves lol. Shit happens–no biggie.

            It’s the intentional crap that harms.

          4. Excuse my typo, I obviously meant “avoid” using pronouns, not “about.”

          5. Zielum, That’s cool. I will try to remember all of that (hope I don’t make any mistakes here!) Just don’t paint the rest of us as ‘conservatives.’ Many boomers, for instance, are political progressives – more progressive than a lot of Xers and millennials. They just haven’t necessarily kept up or they see identity politics as obstructionist rather than as helpful.

            I argued with and unfriended a trans-exclusionary radical feminist friend on FB awhile back. I did not understand her position at all or even that there WAS such a position until a millennial very succinctly explained it to me. So lots of things require quick thinking these days and not everyone understands because not everyone was socialized the same way, whatever their wider politics. I am sure you get tired of explaining but I also find having to identify my pronouns annoying. I just haven’t gotten used to it yet, though I do understand why it is necessary.

            I also understand the difference between sex, gender and sexual orientation so I totally get that you are a reversed Kate Borstein, right? A trans female to male attracted to men (sorry if I stated that wrongly – I am not at the moment looking at how you described yourself). I also understand that operating within a binary can be constraining, though I am pretty damned binary myself.

        2. Zielum, thanks for letting us know. I actually thought about that after reading some of your comments. When you introduced yourself you stated that you are a female to male transgender, into guys, and consider yourself gay. I’m sure you can understand a little confusion for those of us who are learning. Is it labels in general that are offensive or the lable of transgender that is offensive? If not the labels how do you label yourself. I’m really curious and don’t want to offend.

          1. With appliance claimed, I was going to suggest Empaths use “Tool” for narcs, but then most tools can be useful. So that’s out. The search continues.

          2. NarcAngel, I’ll let you guys work it out. I’m just hanging around this thread waiting for dick pics to go on sale.

          3. Mercy…Imagine my surpise and glee when I saw a store for the first time called DICKS. Thiught I had died and goen to heaven
            But alas it is sporting goods……

          4. Well Kim it’s probably a good place to meet men. Just politely go up to one and ask if he could show you where the dick is. Maybe ask if he could show you how to use one. Men like to help especially when they’re experts on the subject.

          5. Lol, Mercy. I am remembering your forays to the DIY store. Maybe DIY is the way to go.

          6. Mercy
            Good call, but I think you’ll find that a lot of them were half off to begin with.

          7. Sadly that’s usually the case. You never know what you’re going to get when you open the package.

          8. Mercy
            and
            Sweetest Perfection,

            I greatly appreciate the desire to be sensitive around this topic <3

            So I want to start with the disclaimer that I don't speak for the entire community: I know for a fact that there are transgender people on both sides of any relevant preference (pronouns, terms, number of possible genders, etc.). What follows is a mix of my own personal preference, and what I've gleaned from the community to be the majority opinion.

            "Transgender" is used as an adjective (never a noun). Transgender person, transgender ally, transgender flag, etc. It's a shorthand for "spans across gender", or "crosses from gender to gender". The prevailing belief is that a person is born transgender; there may be some sort of hormonal imbalance when we're in the womb that causes our brains to believe we're A sex when really we're B sex. We define sex as the physical characteristics (genitalia, hormonal system, breasts/facial hair, etc), while gender is more of a social construct pertaining to how one moves about in the world (how we think of ourselves to ourselves [the brain mis-wiring from the womb], how we think of ourselves in relation to others, and how others perceive and behave towards us). There is no arguing it: Males and females treat each other differently, no matter how equality-minded they are. Just ask a trans person, who has seen both sides. The essence of that "treating them differently" is what we mean by gender vs. sex.

            The term "transsexual" is being seen more and more as a slur, although the older generations seem to be more accepting of it (since I guess it was the common term back then).

            Since we believe that being transgender is something you're born with, it's not something that happens at a given time during a person life. You can't "have been" transgender before, you won't "become" transgender some day. You either are transgender and always have been, or you are not transgender and never were. The process that's being referred to, I believe, is transition. "Transgender" is the static state of having your gender and your sex in conflict with each other (resulting in a severe discomfort called dysphoria). Transitioning is when you take steps to alleviate the dysphoria; hormone replacement therapy, sexual reassignment surgery, legal name and wardrobe change, etc. Not everyone experiences the same level of dysphoria for all parts; some may feel more distress at their body structure, or their chest, or their downstairs. For me, my biggies were the secondary sex characteristics as opposed to the primary one (penis): chest, body/facial hair, deep voice.

            Ah, pronouns…So that's completely up to the individual. I personally prefer all forms of "he", as well as the third-person singular "they" (my identity is somewhere between male and nonbinary–androgynous, masc leaning). A lot of the younger people coming up into the trans ranks are embracing the use of nontraditional pronouns such as ze, xhe, and whatever else. Personally, I feel that's a little much, but hey, whatever floats their boat. Or zher boat. From what I've seen, it's a generational thing; the older transpeople are comfortable just using he/she/they.

            What else…bathroom use? We just want to pee lol seriously, we just want to pee….I face no danger from either walking into a men's restroom "as a female", nor answering to demands for identification because of it, because I have "passing privilege". Meaning I've progressed enough in my transition to be taken as male almost every time. Same with trans women using a women's restroom. The real problem is for the trans people who are early in their transition, or are struggling through it. Cis people can tell there's something up, and that's when they wanna make a big deal about it. Have you guys seen the videos of the utter harassment trans women have been facing?….One lady was screaming about it all over the restaurant, following the poor trans woman with a phone, yelling out slurs….Another trans woman was beaten in front of restaurant employees, who stood by and did nothing….Anyways. Yeah. The country has a ways to go.

          9. Z
            A lot of people (especially here where we understand being misunderstood) don’t mean to offend with the different terminologies used, it’s just a lot to take in and can be quite confusing. Patience, time, and education will be required in order for people to catch up to what is accepted. It took a long time for people to go from the N word, to coloured, to Black and African American, and many would still hesitate when called on for the proper term. I would not have thought transgendered required a correction for instance, but now I do. That’s why it’s great to see exchanges like the ones you’re having here with other commenters. We all learn.
            Now if we could just sort out this other little problem…

            People call me a cunt. What do we do with that to make it more acceptable? Add an e? Any suggestions? – I don’t seem to have a community.

          10. NarcAngel,

            Lol cunty–I like!

            Personally I find the term cunt much more preferable to p—y. It makes the cuntish person in question sound strong, badass, like they say exactly what’s on their mind and don’t take any shit. Don’t mess with them. The other one has all kinds of connotation for weakness; not to mention it’s just so crass.

          11. Zielum, thank you for your response. Im still a little confused about what is socially acceptable. I think I’m understanding that different people have different preferences, it just depends who you’re talking to.

          12. NA
            It amused me how you recently described yourself as “cunty”. Didn’t know it could be an adjective. Would make a nice nickname for you:
            “Just you wait until Cunty gets here.”

            “Cunty will straighten you out like a piece of wire.”

          13. Desiree
            I advised on a previous thread long ago that I was ordering a coffee mug that read:

            I have the patience of a Saint.

            Saint Cunty McFuckoff.

            I had several requests to order additional mugs.

          14. Zielum:

            ‘The term “transsexual” is being seen more and more as a slur, although the older generations seem to be more accepting of it (since I guess it was the common term back then).’

            I wish you well, but don’t even think about censoring Rocky Horror.

            I’m serious.

          15. NA, I’ve been called a cunt twice in my life, mostly by emasculated guys with an inferiority complex. If not a community, we could make a duet!

        3. zielum,
          I will not call you anything except zielum.
          I just took offense to the fact that you did not take th time to explaint that to SMH and just posted the transgender.

          As we are starting over, please keep in mind that we are here FOR you….not to judge you. On this site, as far as I am concerned, you are zielum!!!!!

        4. Zielum, per your indication in previous comments, I’ve been using “he.” If you prefer another pronoun please correct me. If we leave it to HG he would suggest to use “it”’with all of us hahaha. He’s such a nut case… (no offense, master).

          1. I don’t refer to anybody on here as ‘it’. I could call you something derogatory though if you like, no offence and all that.

          2. Oh HG, I am very sorry. I truly was joking, continuing with the joke you made about us being appliances. I feel bad now, please accept my sincere apologies.

          3. No need to apologise SP. I understand your point re appliances and you are correct as to how I view people, however I don’t call individuals here ‘it’.

          4. No, I do need to apologize. I used a derogatory term freely although I meant it in a goofy manner, as when you say “ah, don’t be silly” or “you’re crazy, come on!” But I shouldn’t have and I’ll be careful to not take such liberties with you anymore. We are not friends and I understand it was out of place. The “it” pronoun was indeed in reference to us being objects, that’s all. If you want to send me to the dungeons I will understand (notice my attempt to finally join the exclusive club).

          5. SP…if you end up in the dungeon, bring extra hay. It is very cold there this time of year and the donkeys take up all the warm places

          6. Donkeys and hay in the Dungeon? Is there a strange family with a new baby and a bunch of weirdos barging in with things like gold, stinky incense, stinkier balms, drums, and so on?

            Ooh, that Mum’s just going to *love* ‘avin’ ‘er baby woken oop by them drums….

          7. SP
            I thought you’re just refering to the It-Girl. But if you do go to the dungeon, its kind of cozy by now. Theres sheep fur and I intend to paint the walls should it ever get to that.

          8. Desirée, I was. I tried to combine the joke about us being appliances with the example in the article to make a joke. However, HG has not sent me to the dungeon yet, and I have the feeling I’m missing out.

          9. At this point, my curiosity is getting the best of me. Is this dungeon just a fantasy place, or does something tangible happen when someone is “sent” there? Like, having their responses not pass moderation or something? The references are a confusing mix of positive and negative.

          10. I use it lightheartedly as a place of banishment for those who misbehave (it is akin to a friendly telling off).
            Readers have accordingly referred thereafter to it in a way so as to to expect to be sent there, thinking they are sent there (when they are not) and fantasising about what they did there when they believed they had been sent there. They similarly use it in a light hearted manner.

            If they had actually been consigned there, there would be silence.

  3. I have never sent nude pictures or directly received a dick pic from a guy. However I just met a guy through messenger. I have an out of state friend who introduced us. She met him through a dating ap. He did send her a dick pic, which she sent to me a while back as a joke. She is seeing someone else and arranged for us to start talking because she thought we were both lonely.

    At this point I don’t know what to think. We have been chatting on messenger for just under a week and I really like this guy. He says he’s not ready to start dating either and seems happy to have a long distance friendship. He lives 700 miles away and works long hours 6 days a week in his family business so good chance we will never meet. He says he’s done with the dating ap (just a mess and women looking for sex) He hasnt been inappropriate and the only picture he has sent was taken with his drone overlooking a lake where he lives.

    Being alone on the holidays has been difficult for me. He chatted with me all Thanksgiving day on messenger. It really helped get me through the day. Also he seems drawn to older women. I am 20 years older than him. I hope he is genuinely going to be a good friend. Guess only time will tell. This is all new territory for me.

  4. Zielum.
    You stated “You mean…talk about that kind of stuff here?….I generally save it for the “closed” and “secret” dark triad/machiavellian/narc groups on FB. I’m not worried about how *you* would feel towards it; I’m concerned about all the empaths here. Condemnation sucks.”

    How canyou be cncerned about all the empaths here when withthe exception of HG, all comments are being made by empaths???? Empaths have some of the dirtiest minds on the planet I am sure. We are not angels…believe me. If you have something that to add to the conversation, please do not worry about us empaths.

    1. Kim e,

      Because I have a lifetime of experience that is giving me warning bells saying this isn’t the right audence for this discussion. I suppose I can put it bluntly: I don’t really care how you and other empaths feel about my viewpoints. But I do care about your guys’ reaction to it against me.

      If you’re that interested however, you could try a thought exercise where you imagine that there is no absolute standard of right or wrong, only the morality that you choose to perceive. If so, what would you do? What would you change about yourself, the world around you, society at large? What would you believe? My hint for what I refuse to disclose is that my vision of the world, and my beliefs about life itself, would go against some strongly-held “universal” standards of morality that humans are currently subject to. “Dirty” is a long way from “dark”.

      1. Sigh. Okay. Reading back over what I wrote, I can see why you guys are feeling like I’m belittling your ability to stomach certain things. I promise I wasn’t meaning to. Please understand that every other audience I’ve had in the past, both online and in person, can’t seem to handle me saying anything too far outside the box. Those were very real, very painful experiences. Now I’m constantly on edge to avoid making that mistake again. But I guess you guys seem okay with it. I haven’t read over past conversations throughout this site and so I didn’t really consider the possibility.

        I concede that I spoke foolishly. I do apologize.

        1. Zielum, there’s no way you are a narc. You may have narcissistic traits; you may be codependent. A narc would never apologize and see past his errors.

          1. I am not suggesting Zielum is a narcissist. I am however cautioning against an inaccuracy.

            A narcissist will apologise. It is False Contrition.
            A narcissist will say he has seen the error of his ways. Further False Contrition.

            The only way to determine whether someone has seen the error of their ways is to ascertain whether they repeat the behaviour (or similar behaviours) and that can only be done over a period of time.

          2. Thank you HG, that’s a very important clarification, I didn’t think about that. True, a narc can pretend to apologize and to having seen through his errors while still considering inside he is right. I was excited to think I had discovered the clue to give Zielum reassurance, but I see it’s not that easy. HG, in the case someone believes to be a narcissist, -I was actually wondering about this yesterday- would you recommend taking the Narc Detector or the Empath Detector?

          3. If you want to ascertain whether someone is a narcissist, you organise the Narc Detector Consultation.
            If you want to ascertain whether you are an empath, you use the Empath Detector Consultation.

          4. I guess you are not supposed to use the Narc Detector on yourself then. But if the person in question takes the Empath Detector and the results indicate this person is not an empath, that won’t determine whether the person is a narcissist.

          5. The outcome, if not empath, does not mean it is always narcissist, there are other outcomes. If the person is a narcissist, there is no point telling them because they will not accept it anyway.

          6. I don’t know. It seems to me some people would not be so conflicted to being diagnosed as a narcissist. As a matter of fact, sometimes it sounds like they would rather be told. It’s my impression.

          7. I understand your point. If a narcissist did wish to be told but they would not accept it, they would use it as an excuse as opposed to actually owning what it means and their desire to be told would be a manipulation in itself, SP.

          8. I understand. It is crystal clear once you present it that way, of course you know your kind better than anyone.

          9. Sweetest Perfection,

            I assumed before and was wrong, so I’d like to check first this time:
            Are you referring to me, or at least have me in mind, as far as the convo line about taking the detectors/telling the narcissist?
            If so, I’d like the chance to explain myself and where I’m coming from as far as narcissism. A show of cards, if you will.
            If you weren’t referring to me/had me in mind, then I’m sorry for once again assuming and butting in.

          10. Zielum, I was not, but I was wondering about that after reading your thread about whether not knowing if you might be a narc or codependent etc. It reminded me of different cases of a few people in the blog that were also convinced they might have narcissism and then it occurred to me, what if you really wanted to find out? That’s all. No I was not referring to you, but no need to apologize, you didn’t assume. You felt alluded and asked directly. I like your honesty and the fact that you are always polite. Rude people get under my skin.

          11. Oh, but Zielum, even if I wasn’t referring to you, please explain where you come from in terms of narcissism, I am interested (if you still feel like doing so of course).

          12. I have not formed an opinion yet, despite my gut reaction. I will watch and wait, as you advise HG.

          13. Kim e, It will be interesting to see. I don’t feel that I have had enough experience or get enough opportunities to evaluate.

          14. Sweetest Perfection,

            Yeeeeah….I realize HG’s cautioning against me but I still agree with his advice. I think everyone here, myself included, has been conned at the hands of a narc. And I’m sure it didn’t happen within just a few short conversations of meeting them (mine has been over the course of years).

            As far as me being a narc–I honestly don’t believe I have full-blown NPD. You are most likely right that it’s just traits…I’m thinking I might be some sorta borderline-codependent-narc hybrid, if that’s even possible lol Or maybe I’m just not aware enough of my issues to be able to view everything objectively from afar. Maybe the definitions themselves need tweaking. Who knows! That’s why I’m on here: to learn and discover.

          15. Zielum, HG was correcting me, he wasn’t cautioning against you. He prefaced what he said by explaining his clarification didn’t mean he thought you were a narc but that he had to caution MY inaccuracy when I stated that you (or anyone for that matter) couldn’t be a narc because you used an apology.

            If I were you, I would read Chained. It explains very thoroughly the traits of a codependent Empath and the strong links between them and NPD. I think you sound very close to that description plus people with BP are ideal candidates for that I believe. However, the expert is right here in front of you. I wouldn’t make any more guesses and would go ahead and take the Empath Detector.

          16. Sweetest Perfection,

            Ahhh you’re right, I did misread. Good cause like I said, I’m just on here to learn lol I’d like to operate from a basis of good faith.

            I did read Chained and I found it an excellent resource. As I’ve mentioned before, I appear to have strong tendencies towards BPD, narcissism, and codependency. At any given time, I could be any. Or at least, that’s what it feels like when I look at myself. I could be dead wrong, since I can’t see myself from an outside perspective.

            I have definitely considered a consult with HG–in fact, I intend it. I just need to 1) secure the funds, and 2) figure out the exact reason I want a consult (I don’t have money to waste on a bad guess; I get one shot). I tend to write whole essays on here cause my mind is a disorganized mess. Once I can get a clear goal for what I’d like out of a consult, I will indeed reach out to HG for one.