I Want
3 thoughts on “I Want”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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What I wonder here is where all that fury and wishing the other bad things comes from. What is the true source of it in the narcissist’s mind and life, because it is unlikely to be really that one person or relationship. It more sounds like a massive projection that they infuse many of their relationships with at a particular stage.
My father had some strong narcissistic traits. I was almost never the target of his negativity, more his favorite person and he often used me and my accomplishments as part of his grandiosity construct, quite often exaggerating and even making up positive things about me, which I disliked. We had a good relationship overall and I became very much his confidant when I grew up, but I often witnessed abusive behavior towards my mother (not that she was an angel at all) and it felt so out of place… I kinda concluded (when I was older) it couldn’t have been about my mom and I also encouraged my mom to see it that way, that dad had his crazy that somehow just had to come out sometimes. I learned it much later what that might have been when I learned about narcissism. He wasn’t like that often but enough to notice by most people close to him. If I had to classify his narc patterns, I wouldn’t regard him as a Greater as he was not particularly self-aware and introspective until pretty late in his life, but this post reminded me of my old thoughts about where the hell those behaviors might have come from truly, and why the need to do it over and over again.
Now I understand it may be for the reinforcing power of negative fuel, but then it takes me back to the other question I always have: why does hatred and negative fuel motivate a narcissist so much? Psychologists often explain similar things with releasing the internalized negative energy, frustration and criticism the narc received in their early life but certainly not everyone who was abused as a child adopts this strategy, it is clearly the result of interaction with other personality traits. Observing my own parents was a prime example because they both had very difficult childhoods but they turned out as day and night really. What both of them applied in conflict situations was the silent treatment though. I wondered many times, as a child, what the heck must have been going on in their minds during those because it looked so odd to me. It still does as an adult as it’s not something I would ever use in response to criticism or being hurt, for my mind it does not compute and feels absolutely unproductive as far as managing conflict or even to turn my frustration around. Learning about narcissistic reactions and passive aggression has explained some of it. Some, but not all.
“I want you to understand what it feels like to be controlled by another.”
Crux of the whole thing.
Wow. This is exactly like my brother when we were living together. Now that we are adults he pretends like it never happened. I have never lived closer than an 8 hour drive home since, but I have visited and he doesn’t try to do what he did as kids. He loses his temper but he doesn’t have a mission plan for me like he did before. He has detached and placed a facade on. What I don’t understand is why he expects me to forget too. He acts like it never happened even trying to be nice and normal with me. He even forgets what happened to him. I remember my dad kicking him while he was in the fetal position covering his head on the floor in the living room. My dad was yelling insults and kicking him with steel toe boots. I hated my brother but I was scared and hurting for him in this instance. He was the evil one, with all the power and control, he was a pre-teen old enough to remember, and yet he claims he doesn’t. I guess he was re-writing history where he never lost control and he believes his own story he re-wrote.