Red Flag
Know the signs so it does not happen again.
Know the signs so others are not ensnared.
Know the signs before it is too late.
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9 thoughts on “Red Flag”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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Oh i have just read that. That is so sad that poor Polish girl. These stories just make you want to reach out and fix things. HG, you need to start being a consultant for the defence on these cases. It is such a classic case of narcissism. And although her son being killed by her is terrible, i completely understand the frame of mind she was in. I did write a comment with this site highlighted. If not moderated out, Not sure if you will get victims of narcissists or trolls because of the death of the little boy HG, sorry.
Comment above is re Violettas comment below, must have forgotten to press reply!!
No need to apologise.
Yes, that was a narcissist at work. Mid Range, probably Lower or Middle Mid. There was an excellent example of how blinded he is to his narcissism and how he saw himself as the victim. He records his calls to the victim and includes himself making threats towards her thinking the material would be used against her, but ends up creating evidence and maintaining it in the case against him for coercive control.
This case has many interesting aspects. I do not have time to address them all, but I would point out
1. The stressor that was the abuse resulted in a temporary reduction in her emotional empathy which led her to stab her son to death. Empathic people can do bad things and this is a prime example.
2. Although his narcissism was not expressly mentioned, in effect the defence was able to use the impact of the bullying to demonstrate that this caused an adverse mental health response on the part of the mother. This allowed her to operate the defence of manslaughter by reason of diminished responsibility, rather than murder. The impact of the bullying does not allow an acquittal, but rather removes her from the sentencing associated with murder and imposes sentencing for manslaughter. She still received a sizeable sentence nevertheless, although it would have been far higher if the defence of MBRODR had not been accessed.
3. The sentence imposed on him will doubtless be seen as light compared to hers, but his sentence was for the coercive controlling behaviour, not killing the child, although of course his behaviour prompted it. I doubt there was any chance of prosecuting him for the child’s death as the actions of the mother, although linked to his behaviour, would be seen as an intervening act which would divest him of guilt for the purposes of a criminal conviction.
4. If the victim, support workers and the police knew more about narcissism she would have bene more likely to have gotten out and stayed out, perhaps having him arrested, charged and imprisoned sooner, before the tipping point was reached which resulted in the child being killed. That is where the knowledge about narcissism was needed, at an earlier stage.
Why are some narcissists such relentless bullies HG? Control yes but to the degree it’s so clear to everyone and they can’t see it. My ex was unmerciful and I draw a parallel to the crumbling I experienced. This is why I think I am stuck—aghast sometimes at the condition we were in. I have said that at times but I’ve not shared the extent of how decompensated I was from my baseline. I see this young woman’s early photos and then she killed her child. I totally get how someone loses it to that degree.
Because that is the form by which their narcissism manifests.
One of yours, I think–maybe more than one:
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7809911/Ryanair-pilot-jailed-18-months-fiancee-stabbed-23-month-old-son-death.html#article-7809911
Wonder how long til current girlfriend Lisa is devalued.
Violetta–this is a really extreme example, however, her words regarding how she has no idea how he was able to achieve what he did to resonate.. They can make you crazy. I still can’t believe it still.