Prey
We are adept at sniffing out our prey. We are able to identify those that will be of little use to us and ignoring them. We discern those who are obstructive and avoid them. We have an instinctive ability to target those who serve our purposes with the greatest effectiveness. Those who will provide us with copious amounts of fuel, those who will provide the traits that we need to steal for our own construct in order to draw others to us as to keep the creature at bay. Those who will give us the additional benefits which we regard as our entitlement, access to your resources for our sole use. The Lesser latches on to those who serve his kind once they come too close to him. Like a predator noticing the scent of a potential victim, he is alerted to your presence and makes his move, swift and immediate. A creature of instinct, he knows when there is a victim who will suit his purposes nearby and will go after that person. They may not be the best suited to his purposes but that does not matter, for now. He senses prey and will bring down this victim and attach himself to them, leeching the fuel from them until it is near empty and he will then discard and move to the next victim he has sniffed out and who is nearby. The Lesser will lurk in the most proven hunting grounds. He does not want to venture too far away. He does not want to expend too much energy stalking that prey and wearing it down. He looks for victims who are easily in reach, who he can bring down without much effort and then sink his fangs into with ease. It might be that a more suitable, a more fuelling victim, is a little distance away, but the Lesser goes for what is in front of him. He will not spend time seeking out a better victim but slays what is nearest and then moves on to the next nearest and so forth. Thus the Lesser hunts in an aggressive and volatile manner, he must seduce his victims quickly for fear of the beast within making itself known too soon and frightening his prey away. He has to camouflage his own creature and is not able to do it for too long. The Lesser will want low-hanging fruit. He is not interested in those that might pose a challenge and thus provide more rewarding fuel. He will take fuel from his primary source victims anyway he can. You may liken it to someone mine sweeping for drinks at a party. Rather than waiting to find the bottle of Grey Goose vodka hidden by the host at the back of a cupboard, the Lesser will drink the dregs of a can of beer, then swig what remains from the nearest bottle of wine and thus move from receptacle to receptacle, feasting and draining.
The Mid-Range is more discerning. He knows what he is attracted to and he will spend longer searching for it. He has reasonable intelligence, guile and ability and thus he will put this to use in order to find the more appropriate victim for him. He can pass over somebody who might be suitable but is not entirely satisfactory. Whereas the Lesser would have snatched hold of that victim, sniffing out that person’s reasonable suitability, a number of the traits he requires being met, but not all, the Mid-Range is content to stalk a little longer. The Mid-Range makes considerable use of watching from afar as he evaluates the applicability of his prospective prey. He observes, regards and reflects. He does not have the out and out confidence to go for the kill straight away like the Greater, nor is he pushed by the sense of urgency and hunger which afflicts the Lesser. He has some control and he will use this to ensure his appliances, especially those which become the primary source are the better ones. He of course is not of limitless energy and there comes a time when necessity becomes the driver for interaction and he must make his choice, but it is not without consideration and application to those traits, both generic to the empathic individual and specific to the type of victim which best accords with his own needs. The Mid-Range recognises that there is a type of person he is drawn to, although he does not know why this is. He is able to discern those traits and characteristics which serve him best and as a consequence it is those that he will apply some time to achieving. He recognises that certain traits in people afford him greater satisfaction and therefore he will look for those without knowing the true reason he does so. The Mid-Range will apply some methodology to the hunt for his prey but there is always the pressure of need which means that it may not be as ideal as he might like.
Continuing the mine sweeping analogy, the Mid-Range would not bother to sup the dregs from bottles and glasses at the part but spend time thinking about where the “good stuff” might be stashed. He will locate four cans of beer in the fridge. There might be greater rewards elsewhere but he is satisfied with this reasonable degree of quality that he has identified and does not want to risk letting his prize disappear as he gambles on trying to find something superior and failing.
The Greater revels in the hunt. The identification of the choicest victim is crucial to him. Yes, there may be times when necessity brings about the imposition of a less desirable (yet still functional) victim but when the conditions are apt (there is no fuel crisis and we are preparing for discard and are therefore in control of our environment) the Greater will spend time identifying those who exhibit many of the generic and specific traits that will serve him best. Indeed, the Greater will have several prospects in hand as he mines information about these prospects, assesses and evaluates it. Once satisfied that the signs and indications are good, he will make his move and engage to ascertain that his initial intelligence remains good. If it is (and it is usually is) he will then move in for the kill. Unlike the Lesser who will go for the jugular and bring his victim down swiftly and promptly, the Greater will utilise the intelligence that he has gathered in order to mesmerise, charm and hypnotise his victim. With dedicated application, the Greater will readily disarm his victim, disable any self-defence which may exist and have the victim exactly where he wants him or her. Like a viper, he will strike suddenly and with lightning speed he will be attached to the victim, fangs sunk deep and then the draining will begin as the fuel pumps from the unwitting victim to be sucked up by the Greater. The Greater knows what he wants and he will stalk different hunting grounds in order to achieve what he wants. He has the ability and the energy to sustain a longer hunt, or a shorter hunt where the victim may prove to be more challenging. Of course if a victim supplies the necessary traits and can be ensnared with ease, the Greater will also take this low-hanging fruit. He is no fool. However, he is undeterred by the higher-hanging fruit, that which is more succulent and nourishing in terms of fuel. He knows where to find the best victims, that is why he operates in several hunting grounds and he also is the most able of the three schools of narcissist to identify the traits in his victims. Whilst the Lesser sense by instinct, the Mid-Range knows what works for him but does not know why, the Greater knows precisely what it is what he wants. He also knows how these various traits manifest in his victims. He understands what to look for, what to see, what to listen out for and once he has seen the indicators he is able to satisfy himself that the appropriate traits exist within this target. He will then lock on and only in the most extreme of cases will he be prevented from conquering this target. The reward is too tantalising, his skill set too great and the lure of such a delicious victim proves too great for him to resist, challenging or not.
Once those fangs have sunk into the victim and the fuel is drawn, whether it is a Lesser, Mid-Range or Greater, we will remain until it comes time to identify the next prey.
13 thoughts on “Prey”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
The more I read the more I think the Narc that ensnared me (current) really has a lot of traits of a greater, I don’t think he is, though. But this article combined with remembering how I was targeted and how long he waited to pounce. It was so premeditated, so choreographed. I almost wonder did he keep a notebook.
If he was a mid – I bet he did keep a notebook too cogra! I suspect a greater may too, although their memory is so sharp they likely don’t need to.
Ya, it’s creepy to think about. I wonder did those include how long to lovebomb, when to deval (right before Christmas), that my new role was eventually coffee buddy in the a.m.
( He even bought me a coffee maker)
My gut told me he wasn’t a normal man the minute I met him. There was nothing that attracted me to him. Young, alone, afraid and depressed, he immediately sensed my lack of defenses and support. I rebuffed him politely, over and over. I had never met a man who would not respect my “No” and I had said no so many times in the past. The more I said no, the harder he pursued. This was many years ago, but in retrospect I realize that his behavior would be considered stalking.
He showed up at work with “to go” lunches in front of my colleagues daring me to turn him away. I was a classic nice girl who tried to do everything right and treat others with respect. though I hated his advances, he sensed I would not reject him in public. In private I asked him to please leave me alone. He sent flowers. Everyone gushed and wanted to know who sent them. He called constantly. And when I would Not answer he would pump my roommate for information re my whereabouts. He found out where I lived and would drive in behind me after a long day at work. I was tired and wanting some alone time to decompress. If I said I had things to do he offered to help. If I said no thanks he would try another tactic. He would not leave, just keep talking, asking questions, begging for every second of my time, wearing me down. He found out I was a runner and would turn up at the trail, I changed trails. He drove from trail to trail until he found my car and would run down the trail until he found me. He begged and invited me places daily, constantly. He used acquaintances to pressure me. In public he turned on the charm so people unknowingly supported him. Public humiliation was something I feared. He knew this and exploited it.
He was in fact wearing me down. I became afraid every time I went out thinking he would appear.
I was always looking over my shoulder. I felt like I was spending my valuable free time trying to hide I wanted to scream for help but I was embarrassed to tell anyone bc I felt that I had somehow brought this situation on myself. Because I did not find him attractive in anyway, I didn’t want others to associate me with him so I tried not to let anyone know. My shame-based parental environment made me feel that it was my fault he was hounding me. I thought I was supposed to handle this on my own. So I didn’t let anyone know that I was in trouble, that I could not get this man to leave me alone. My self esteem began to deteriorate because my personal power and ability to stand up for myself was eroded.
He pushed himself into my life, finding and exploiting every weakness. On a few occasions I witnessed him bully and con others. I also saw he had an irrational temper and it scared me. I internalized this and became afraid that he could do the same to me.
I had never met anyone like him and I had no idea what to do. The term narcissist was in its infancy at the time and not something anyone knew about. But, I clearly knew there was something terribly off about this guy.
There is so much more. Just multiply the details above times 10. The story became much, much worse from here but my point is just to give an example of predator and prey. And to show a little bit about how easy it can be to become the hunted. It has nothing to do with IQ. I was a college grad with a biology degree starting my first job when he appeared. Today, I am a Family Nurse Practitioner and struggle with relationships with narcissists. It’s about EQ or what HG so eloquently describes as emotional thinking.
I buried this story for years and lost the person I hoped to become. I am finally facing what happened. After three years of research to understand what I was dealing with and developing some knowledge of the scope of it, I found this site. it is all very painfully clear. It has been so hard to forgive the young woman who allowed this and what followed. If you are reading this, I’m sure you are thinking I should have been able to get away.
It is impossible to unlearn what I know now, what I have learned about narcissists. But I am learning everyday that I have other options and I am becoming stronger. This is not over yet. I have a long way to go. I will be here reading and learning.
Lust for a fuel provider .
2019 fuel on the run
2020 fuel floating away with ease .
HG the UMR Somatic has given me these guidelines about food:
I can eat McDonald’s once every 2 months
I can eat 2 lines of chocolate a week (from a block)
I can eat rice mixed with tuna for a snack
I can eat avocado on toast with tomato for a snack
I can never eat KFC again in my life
etc…
He interrogates me about what I eat and thinks I lie. Does he have OCD. He left a BBQ because I wanted to eat cake.
The other narcissists only cared about my behaviours that effected them.
My friend says there’s something else wrong with him in addition to narcissism.
There is nothing wrong in addition to his narcissism. This is a blatant display of control. You need to implement no contact forthwith.
Thank you so much, HG.
The other narcissists only controlled me with things that impacted them. Like wanting me to stay still during a movie. This one gets angry at things that impact me and not himself. He’s not pretending. He has uncontrollable anger outburst. I don’t know why he wants to control me when it has no impact on himself.
He sees you as an extension of him Whitney. By controlling you he is in effect in control of himself and his environment.
Thank you wonderful reply Alexis. I don’t instinctively get it, like all their behaviours, but I’ll think about it.
Hello, Whitney.
Is this the same guy who choked you?
While OCD can appear in individuals differently, underlying it is obsessions with compulsions to relieve anxiety for the person. It can have negative impact on others, such as a family waiting on someone who spends hours making sure cans in the pantry are aligned perfectly; a partner waiting in bed for a person who keeps checking and making sure the stove is off; kids not being able to have friends over because of the fear of the germs or the mess; or being in the situation where the person is looking for reassurance that either they are not bad or that the thoughts they have are normal. The list goes on but does not include what he is doing.
I love food. I think all of my narcissists knew to leave me alone when it came to food as that is one place I don’t play. Did you react to this or are you considering following this controlling plan?
Are you worried about anything that would lead to you choosing a different eating habit? If the answer is yes or no, he is not the ideal diet support system.
If it is food now, what is next?
Thank you for your beautiful reply Getting There.
Yes the one who choked me.
I call him The Somatic now, because my friend’s Narc boyfriend has since choked her during sex, so hard she couldn’t breathe (she liked it). The Somatic held my neck as a gesture but I could fully breathe, so I’m not using the word choke anymore.
When The Somatic talks about my diet I react by laughing and I taunt him. For example I’ll tell him I ate a McDonalds cheeseburger and pretend I think it’s healthy.
It’s not a joke to him because he’s crazy.
Thanks for your help. I’m not bothered by his behaviour but I like to understand.
Read this and thinking how terrible you are to be so calculated and then I remembered my friend and I swapping pictures today of a guy from the gym and talking about every facet of his being to determine how worthy he may/may not be!! Who is the narcissist?!! Goodness HG. Women are worse than you!