The Treatment
We do not seek treatment. The answer to why that is the case is a simple one. There is nothing wrong with us. Occasionally we may be compelled to undergo treatment but that is a different matter. We feel no compulsion at all to volunteer to be subjected to analysis and therapy because there is nothing wrong with us. Yes, we know that our treatment of other people is often unpleasant and has significant downsides to those who are subjected to it but that still does not amount to a good reason why we should seek some form of assistance. The way we behave is the way we behave. Deal with it. We cannot help but act this way because it is the way we have been designed. We must obtain our precious fuel and if that means we lash out and wound others, emotionally and physically then that it is the price that has to be paid. By you.
You must also remember that since we have no concept of empathy, when we see our behaviour injure others it does not affect us. We do not feel guilt, we do not feel shame at what we have done and we do not feel the need to put right the injurious harm we mete out to others. This is our modus operandi and it can never be changed. Add to that our lack of remorse and you have two huge reasons why we will not act to seek treatment to change our ways.
Naturally, there will be times where we will talk about seeking treatment.
“I need help, I know that now. You are the only one who can do it.”
“If I seek assistance for this terrible affliction, will you stay and help me?”
“I don’t know why I do it, perhaps I need help. Will you help me?”
“I need you. Don’t go. You have to save me from myself.”
“I will change, I will go and see somebody, just don’t leave me, please.”
These are all empty promises. Remember, words comes easy to us. We will dangle these carrots of penance and insight in order to get you to do what we want. Once that has been secured and you try to cash the cheque that we have written you will find the bank has not only been closed but razed to the ground. It is not a question of there being nothing to cash it against, there is nowhere to cash it.
Treatment is for the weak and foolish. To submit to it is an admission of weakness. In the rare instances that we will, it is only to enable us to get something else that we want or to prevent something drastic happening to us and thus we regard the pay-off as one worth making. We do this safe in the knowledge that any treatment will not be effective because:-
- We use our manipulative wiles to con the person treating us into concluding that there is nothing wrong with us;
- We spend the time trying to charm the therapist and this may work or if they are alive to our manipulation they are forced to terminate the work;
- We do not want to change and see the therapist’s actions as a direct challenge which we must thwart. Our energy is channelled into frustrating and defeating him or her and not applying ourselves to the treatment.
- We treat the treatment as a form of fuel.
H.G. When I read your posts, it is like you are writing about a period in my life I wish I could forget. I have often said the man I fell in love with never existed (I couldn’t believe it when I read your same words!) the real man was the horrible one that ate away at my self esteem over time, made me feel like there was something wrong with me to the point I went on antidepressants, and then out of the blue dropped me and went back to his ex. All of the steps you so clearly outline happened to me in that exact order. My question to you – can a narcissist be happily married? Or will they always be looking for more fuel?
No, we don’t experience happy. See the Logic Bulletin ‘ How the Intimate Relationship Functions With the Narcissist’ it will answer many of your questions.
https://narcsite.com/how-the-intimate-relationship-functions-with-the-narcissist-assistance-package/
As usual, this post was very helpful and enlightening.
You are welcome.