The Cleanliness of Dr O
We have known one another for several years now.
Longer than some of my intimate relationships with ladies. Now, there is an achievement for her.
Not her real name of course but the name I have given her since it is something that can be said quickly or typed swiftly and lends itself to such use in a variety of entertaining ways.
Her real name? Well, her full name was provided to me when recommended by Dr M. When I first met Dr O, I ascertained that the name that had been provided to me was anglicised since her looks and the ever so slightly discernible accent she have told me that she was not born on this sceptred isle.
I was right.
I found out that her name is Slavic and in fact her first name is most mirth-inducing and what it actually means neatly explains why she embarked upon being held to the whims of the misleading and false mistress. That fact has always made me smile. Her middle name finds considerable favour with me, given its meaning. Her surname is imperious and I do like that.
Once I gained this prime piece of intelligence it was ever so satisfying to sit down in one of my sessions with her, fix her with my unwavering stare and then ask how Dr First Middle Surname was.
Her eyes widened and she averted her gaze. I did not need her to do that to confirm that this was her name. The material which “had come my way” readily confirmed her real identity. What interested me was why she had chosen not to use this evocative name of her roots and instead opt for one which was admittedly elegant but a clear attempt to distance herself from where she had come.
“So, you know my name,” she said with an edge of defiance as she titled her head, her ponytail, shiny as always, after no doubt having been washed, conditioned and subjected to some expensive oil treatment or such like, dipping downwards. The gesture showed me her throat which was bare. No necklace or pendant, her crisp blouse open, her vulnerable throat exposed to me, just for an instant, but it had, way back then, increased my need to sink my teeth into it. Was this need literal or figurative?
“Yes, I know your name,” I responded to the always clean, always well-turned out Dr O. Her cleanliness has always been inviting to me. The Shieldmaiden is uber clean and I do not doubt she would vanquish Dr O when it comes to a comparison of how they go about their daily lives with regard to achieving and maintaining that level of cleanliness, purity, free of dirt, disease, stench and infection, yet both are champions of the hygienic.
Dr O has an enticing scent about her. I am certain she never wears fragrance as in an eau de toilette and definitely not the heavier eau de parfum. No, her scent arises from whatever she uses to wash with. On numerous occasions I have deflected from her questions as I sit and consider how she goes about her morning routine before she arrives at her consulting rooms. Doubtless she goes to her en suite (most be an en suite bathroom and a large one at that) straight from her bed (after all there was nobody initially there to keep her in it) and seamlessly into her beauty and hygiene routine. I would picture the spotless white tiled bathroom, with every glass, chrome and ceramic surface free of any kind of contaminant. Dr O discarding her night wear (blue and white gingham cotton pyjamas in winter and camisole and shorts silk and white for summer) before twisting the tap and allowing the fierce jets of water from her shower erupt and reach the optimum temperature before she enters the waterfall.
I remember how pleased I was when The Shieldmaiden told me that after a prolonged period away from her home, she would always run the shower with the bathroom door closed for fifteen minutes (and close and cover her mouth as she set this in motion) to ensure that any bacteria that would cause Legionnaire´s Disease would be removed. She did as I did and told me this without any hint or suggestion that this was also my routine. I also remember that when she told me this, I had wondered the same about Dr O and whether she utilised such an approach with regard to her shower. Given her high standards of cleanliness and overall aversion to contamination, I formed the conclusion that she is indeed a follower of this precaution.
Accordingly, I would envisage Dr O attending to herself in her shower and I would ponder the relevant products which she might use. As she would question me and I listened in our session and as I answered, my triple-tracking mind also reflected on that image of her ensconced in the rising steam and jetting water, liberally and fastidiously applying the relevant body wash to her skin.
Yes, Dr O. Very much a clean doctor.
She moves in a clean way. A certain serenity and grace to her movements. Not awkward, not spasmodic, but flowing. A clean, unpolluted river.
Thus, whilst in our early interactions I found that gentle cotton-scent one of which I approved, that the fresh fragrance which draped behind her as she occasionally moved about the room at the beginning and end of our sessions was one of which I endorsed and the absence of anything being out of place on her, no smudges, no marks, no creases, no stains were all matters which gained my ratification I always wanted to know.
Where lay the filth?
255 thoughts on “The Cleanliness of Dr O”
I had a curiosity
Are you grateful with having support from your parents & doctors?
How does it make you feel ?
It is not actually support from Matrinarc, it is control and it is rejected.
Dr E is similar. Dr O means well. Her intellectual contribution is welcomed.
He felt challenged (negative fuel) and he asserted control by going to therapy because it served his interests to do so.
HG, have you written in more detail about your therapy experiences than the articles on this blog? Or are you planning to? I would be very interested in that, especially how difficult it was/is for your therapists to understand you and your motives. If they diagnosed you with NPD / ASPD, then I am sure it helps them understand in an intellectual manner, using the objective knowledge about those diagnoses, given that you identify with them so well. The main thing I am curious about is whether you had a hard time with the therapists being clueless and/or misinterpreting you, at least initially? If so, has that improved with time and what has helped it to be more productive?
If you read my various books, there are many pieces with regard to the therapy in and amongst other interesting works about narcissism.
PSE….The Downey spray was ordered thru Amazon…..the soon to be only store in the world. It is in my world already!!!
Thank you, Kim E. Ebay still exists, remember. You just have to be more patient with the shipping time. And patience is still a virtue. You can be more specific on a lot of items on Ebay. I will check both Amazon and Ebay for that Downey wrinkle releaser, maybe next week.
Right now I have been busy stocking up on supplies in case the city gets shut down this month or next month or the next 3 months or whenever, over the virus. One can not stock up in one day. I keep a running list that I am filling up, including paper goods and on and on. Waiting until the `Elite` tell me to act, is not my style. I see the writing on the wall, in one way or the other. The grocery stores are like paradise right now. I am purchasing and stockading the elegant nonperishables for my pantry, this and that and that and this while they are still around. I am on round one. Even plenty Perrier water in glass bottles and things that I like, anyway. Before, I start buyint the large gallons of water in plastic containers, later on.
But, for now, I am buying the good stuff that will be the first non-perishable things to run out. Now, I am stocking up on the best of the best (round one for a couple of weeks, here a little and there a little, from this supermarket and from that supermarket). Then I plan to go into round 2 and then round 3. Every day, I am stocking. I am on the third day. The calm before the storm. (P.S. speaking of the calm before the storm, I heard that there was a huge crowd rush in Trader Joes in NYC with people stocking up on supplies because of the virus that is coming).
I did not hear this on the news, Kim E. A neighbor in my building told me about an hour ago, because he was there. He said that it was a madhouse with people stocking up in Trader Joes. Stock up please. The stores are like paradise right now. But, for how long. Do not follow all the people that are acting calm. Many people do things quietly. I am the type that shouts out from the rooftop. lol. Do not wait until the officials tell you to start stocking up. A one round punch or, post a small inconvenience, a 2 round surprise punch could be coming.
Mr. Tudor, would I be correct in thinking that Cluster B Personality Disorders are very often the direct result of childhood trauma (in particular sexual abuse)?
Not necessarily. That plays a part with regard to some, but not all.
“my mother passed away unexpectedly Tuesday …..”
This is awful. I am so sorry to hear this.
They can both kill by using words.I dont believe HG will eat Dr O tho,although she sounds appetizing.
Se Scyldmægd is a girlfriend. She does not owe HG the maintenance of professional ethics.
Dr. O needs to remain objective with HG, as with all clients. If she notices that she has ceased to be so, and doesn’t refer him to someone else, she’s a lousy, unethical shrink.
If she doesn’t notice that she has ceased to be so, then she’s a lousy, clueless shrink.
Either way, she’s lousy.
She is not Croatian either.
I understand your point of view. Its a valid argument. I just don’t see a violation of ethics yet. I think anyone that has interactions with HG would be charmed if he wants them to be, man or woman, no matter their profession. I have a feeling that none of HG’s doctors have ever experienced someone like him. I think it would be somewhat foolish to think that any one of his doctors are not there for selfish reasons. The mystery of The Man is too tempting for someone in that profession. I don’t think Dr. O is any different than the others, aside from the fact that she is a woman and different manipulations will be used on her.
We also cant forget that the story being told of these women is coming from a narcissist perspective. That story can be changed if there is a shift in the fuel matrix. If SM is ever painted black, what will our opinion of her be then? What will the story be? I’m not on a team, I’m just very interested in how it plays out.
Mercy: Dr. O, at least, knows what he is. SM does not.
Dr. O *thinks* she knows what he is, and thinks she can “help” him.
That is her first mistake. It’s an error that reveals that she doesn’t at all know what his narcissism is all about.
You make good points,
If a patient found my real name and had the nerve to tell me about it, I’d be freaked out and ask for them to be assigned to someone else.
njfilly & witch
Yes. She has drank the Kool-Aid just like the rest of us did. But dealing with an ultra I would assume would be like drinking 4 packages of Kool-Aid with extra cups of sugar added. Much more addictive.
I gree I am interested in HG and maybe it would be different if SM wasnt so “real”……..if she were just HG’s IPPS.
Maybe we will be wrong (doubtful) and HG’s counselling will help him not disengage but I fear not. I am looking for just a longer GP than usual…whatever that is for HG in the past.
I imagine the longer the GP the harder it’s going to be for her to escape so I don’t wish for that and disengagement is a blessing in disguise.
HG. Is the length of the GP with SM longer than normal?
What would you say is the normal GP length an empath can expect with you?
No, it falls within the usual parameters for the length of the golden period in general.
That depends on how good an appliance they are, doesn’t it?
Ugh do you have to keep
reminding me of the term appliance?! It’s so detached!
I do. That is part of conquering ET and reminds you of how we view people. It is important to dehumanise the process.
It’s good, I know. Especially right now, I’m probably vulnerable even in regard to panhandlers. (Romantically even!)
HG…I was just wondering if the talks with the good doctors chagned anything that might have made the GP last long then normal
Those damn naughty applicances not knowing their places or what the hell to do from second to second. I think i just fel myself turn black…..
We shall have to see. They have not so far.
And that will be the day hell freezes over and the N’s run amok!!!!
I feel you will enjoy the dungeon when you are cast there. LOL
I’m certain HG would leave me there to die
Kim—she may ditch him and he may come to us
We can’t help. His hunger is insatiable. All the empathy in the world won’t satisfy it.
Kim e and Witch:
I agree with you both on this issue. It’s strange having glimpses of their relationship from the outside, knowing things SM doesn’t know, although I don’t know for certain what she knows. It’s somewhat voyeuristic, but I will feel no pleasure from her sadness.
I’ll admit that I am interested in it as it’s part of his life which interests me. I don’t look forward to the end of the golden period and I hope for the success of the new dynamic I have heard mentioned. I feel sadness for her as I assume she believes they are in love.
Hm. Many many narcissists stay married for life, so I’m not really sure why ppl think HG has high risk of turning single again. Once they decide there is exquisite prime aims there will be golden period for several years.
The fact that some narcissists stay married for life is something that I don’t understand. That sometimes there is no discard.
1. The victim does not escape.
2. There is no disengagement trigger by the narcissist.
3. Devaluation will occur on and off throughout.
Thank you for your explanation.
Is disengagement the same as discard? I thought discard was inevitable due to boredom or staleness of fuel?
Disengagement is the preferred term. Others use discard.
Oh I see. I’m confusing other’s terms with yours.
Discard sounds pretty final. HG, do you prefer disengage because it allows for the possibility of Hoovers?
I dislike discard, yes, because it has the ring of finality about it and is thus inaccurate. Disengagement is accurate because in our minds we will come back and invariably we do. Unless you apply my work.
Discard also sounds cruel.
I can see why they might stay married. As long as the appliance is still functioning and providing for their needs with a quantity, potency, and frequency acceptable to them, it’s convenient and provides a facade. They do as they please anyway because their concept of marriage is not the same. Having cake and eating pie elsewhere? What’s the down side for them?
That question applied to the empath however…
Well, now that I think of it Mr. HG Tudor’s parents stayed married. My parents are still married, although I believe them both to be narcissists. I was under the impression that disengagement was inevitable.
No, devaluation is.
Will the new dynamic change that for you?
We shall have to see
HG – if a MMR narc says his IPPS gave in on something he wanted bc “she knows” that he “has been miserable lately”
Does “been miserable lately” mean , been devaluing her incessantly / intensely For long enough that she giving into whatever he wanted
1. The comment could be a lie to a third party appliance and has no basis whatsoever.
2. Being miserable lately could be a Pity Play in itself.
3. Being miserable lately could be a Pity Play and Provocation towards the IPPS by suggesting she has caused his apparent state of misery.
NA, Well said. I would also add that children of the pair are part of the fuel matrix and supplement the N’s need for control and fuel (unfortunately).
I feel you.
She could always use HG’s books and assistant packages against him even if she can not consult with him.
I’d help her and hype her up to change her number, “gurl! you are a beautiful danish queen don’t let some crusty Englishman disrespect you like this, block him! Blocka blocka blocka!”
Danish? Crusty? Against me?
I can edit the line, it doesn’t matter where she’s from.
Compared to her, probably
Why not? Greater is not god
Block him, you’re a Danish:
Which works only if you remember:
(Totally dating myself.)
May I share with you
“Some men are like chocolate but most of the are like shit and if you don’t have the experience to stop that subtle difference, you’re likely to fall for only the promise of a kiss”
I thought YouTube videos were banned? I guess not.
The ban is close to returning
I love it when you’re tough.
Only porn site links now. YouTube was too vanilla.
Ha ha don’t encourage them
Ha ha! True.
Njfilly—do you ever wonder if HG is really even a narcissist? Like maybe he is mistaken. This is the weirdest place I’ve ever been.
Those who diagnosed me have no doubt. My many victims would agree.
I hope you’ve stopped that nonsense. It’s unbecoming. I think you are in a narcissist protective program to save blind gay whales as restitution perhaps. We are blind gay whales.
Seriously though—you should be able to recognize the futility in douche-baggery HG. Save it for true assholes. At this point being a jerk would be rudimentary shenanigans would it not?
Yes, I do wonder sometimes. It’s easy to forget what he is. I wish he was mistaken. I agree that it is strange here, but I enjoy it too.
He’s a funny sociopath. Much funnier than the last one.. Yet there was one really funny one a few years back. They may be on the same level of humor.
I thought he was a psychopath not sociopath? Which other ones are you referring to? I can’t say I have any experience with any sociopaths. I don’t know. Although that thought did pop into my head concerning the narcissist I dated.
Hi Filly, Psychologists are not very clear on their definitions of psychopaths, sociopaths and antisocial personality disorder so they currently lump them into one category of APD. Psychopaths possess high cognitive function and blend effectively society and are often found in leadership positions (e.g. CEO, Politicians, etc.). They are charming, calculating, adaptive, driven and successful. In contrast, sociopaths have low cognitive function and do not blend well in society as they are highly impulsive and lack planning, as do antisocials. Most prisons are filled with 70% or more sociopaths and antisocials (as reported in several studies). Psychopaths often elude detection. All three have an absence of empathy.
FYC: Very interesting. Thank you for this information.
Filly, you’re welcome. I am happy to share what I have found through research.
The semantics lose me a bit admittedly. I think basically sociopathy/psychopathy bifurcates off of the narcissist “line” a bit into another set of characteristics and the two co-exist to compliment or actually distract at times. HG—accurate depiction or do you have something to subtract or add?
We have addressed.
Lorelei: Speak for yourself, Missy! I’m a thoroughly het whale, and I’m only rather nearsighted with astigmatism.
HG claimed on another article that he was a chameleon. I tried to get some Paula Abdul past the NarcCensor, but it appears I have failed.
How ’bout this one?
1) YouTube videos are banned. Porn videos only.
2) This is the only Depeche Mode song I am familiar with.
3) Depeche Mode sucks.
Looks like you are spending the weekend in the dungeon.
Yes! Finally! Which was the comment that did it? 1 or 3?
Can’t hear you from down there.
Oh, you are so magnificent. My proclamation. This, I believe.
I heard you that time!
I’m glad. I make my presence known.
my guess would definatley be #3 got you your dungeon sentence. take extra hay…it is cold
Ha ha! I’ve stated #3 previously. Another proclamation.
Am I taking the hay to eat or sleep on? I accept my punishment from Mr. Tudor.
njfilly Hay may be used for both eating and sleeping.
There is no acceptance of the punishment only the doling out and serving of it.
Kim e: Then I serve it willingly; sleeping on the hay, subjected to Celine Dion on speakers. I will go without food.
If he weren’t what he says he is, what would his authority be to warn us how it works?
Are you referring to him being a narcissistic psychopath? His authority is that he is the moderator and this is his blog. He has stated now only porn videos are allowed.
His authority is based on being an expert because of what he is.
No porn, that was a joke.
I understand. I will not post any porn videos.
NJ: this was the first song to get major US airplay, but it’s hardly their best. I like “Personal Jesus” (which Muse totally ripped off) and you’ve probably heard “Enjoy the Silence”:
All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here in my arms
Words are very unnecessary
They can only do harm
(Followed by an earworm riff that will haunt you all day if you hear it just once in the morning.)
Violetta: I have listened to “Personal Jesus” based upon something written by Mr. Tudor. I’m not familiar with Muse. I love music and I like to listen to all kinds. I have never heard “Enjoy the Silence”. I’ll listen to it.
The authority remark had to do with Lorelei saying she wished he wasn’t what he says he is. It’s being what he says he is that gives him the perspective he has.
I don’t think I meant to say I wished he were different. I actually think he’s married with six adopted foster children and a pond with two dogs.
Oh, I see. Thank you for clarifying Violetta and I agree with your statement.
The hay is to stuff your ears with if he starts blasting Celine Dion.
Violetta: Oh no. I don’t like Celine Dion either. I may not enjoy the dungeon after all.
Hi violetta…i love cooking with garlic as well so tasty!! My grandmas ukranian and uses a lot of garlic in her cooking yum!! It keeps the vampires away but not the narcs lol
“Thays why God invented pasta and Italian guys.”
I like garlic too. The old school way.
I LURVE garlic. Capsules my left glute. Thays why God invented pasta and Italian guys.
Probably has a waiting outside the room ready to iron post sex.
I have not kept up on HG and SM due to the same reason you stated. I can not bear to hear the outcome. I can not look at the pictures on IG either as it makes her “too real” for me and it would crush me even more.
And the realy bad thing is she cant come to HG for help afterwards!!
Spending some time being a population of one is something I can always be jealous of. Not because of avoiding infection but because of introversion. One of my most favorite conditions is where I can be far from direct contact with the rest of humanity for days, including working from home a lot. I can rarely afford more of it than 1-2 weeks of it as pure vacation a year unfortunately. Well, in some ways probably luckily as I can easily become a recluse as long as I have access to the internet. This tendency is definitely interesting living in one of the most densely populated cities in the world…I love the city but definitely not the human density. The somewhat weird dichotomy is that I live in quite a few different places around the world and in different environments and being a loner in a big city is my favorite. I do need to have a nice, harmonious home though otherwise the whole thing becomes destructive.
Being alone in a city makes a lot of sense. Can you be alone in the country?
Having suffered sexual abuse early in life is also often what drives people into controlling, abusive relationships with narcissists and others in adulthood.
I never had that kind of experience but am moderately a clean freak and germophobe, with other mild/moderate OCD tendencies. For example, I almost never wear clothes twice before washing, not even jeans. What I don’t like is my perfectionism when it comes to how I see myself and my work – I notice every little flaw, inconsistency etc and can obsess about them. Can’t tolerate clutter – once I had to live with a hoarder for a short while and it was the worst home environment issue ever. Also have hypochondriac tendencies and a bad case of being a Dr. Google patient. Being in the medical field myself does not help it much, it mostly makes me do endless research on every condition I am preoccupied with. I didn’t grow up with clean freaks, unrealistic expectations and/or abuse, it must be some biological predisposition. I think part of it is coming from having high standards and sense for quality in general, that is something very difficult for me to compromise even though it naturally gets compromised in normal everyday life, there is just no other way. I wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who has a serious case of this though if they projected it onto me and expected sterile interactions and environment. Had a few who had their quirks and were on a similar level to me, but that was good and compatible.
There are many people who live a double life in terms of cleanliness though, e.g. being pristine at work and not caring about even basic hygiene/order in their homes. That can be very misleading. I imagine many of those would also show one imagine in online dating and then the disorder reveals itself later.
What?!! You iron the sheets after sex?? Are you a psychopath!
It was a joke.
Of course it was HG is wrinkle free.
Ha ha, damn right Pati.
Phew, it can sometimes be difficult to tell when you’re joking since I know you’re capable of anything
I think Witch’s comment was too, HG. And maybe yours is too. It’s all meta around here.
My grandmothers ironed pillow cases. And could fold fitted sheets like a champ. Martha Stewart knows how to do these things.
That lifestyle is not for me, I rarely iron my own clothes
I don’t iron anything either, Witch. If it needs to be ironed, I don’t wear it or it goes to the dry cleaners!
If you hang clothes properly while it’s wet, it doesn’t need to be ironed most of the time
What is this, Domestic Divas?!
You know us, HG. Make up and clothes, with the occasional literary reference thrown in.
It is domestic divas. I’m prepping to iron, I’ve yelled at or have been rude to everyone I love today so the crisp attire will be a little extra crispy. I’ve since apologized for my behaviors after the consumption of guilt.
SMH. Downey makes a wrinkle release spray that works well. I used it on my cruise
Kim e, Thanks for the tip! How has your weekend been? I’ve been running around all day – this and that, lunch with my narc friend, whom I actually missed a lot. She has some health issues and needs me around. Another email from Mr Nabe. He included his special needs daughter because she wants me to take pictures for her (we love each other – both sunny optimists!). I think the fam has adopted me.
Mr Nabe? Is that the NM?
I am sorry to hear your friend has been ill. Such a awful feeling not being able to help.
Chatted with my oldest and I guess the cruise is still going to be planned for May or August…..Caribbean or Alaska. I want sure as he just started a new job.
Off to do…………….
Hi Kim e, How have you been? Any sign of you know who?
Glad to hear the cruise is on but you should wait to see what happens with this new virus. You’d hate to be stuck on a cruise ship with lots of sick people!
Not sure what you mean by NM? Smooches!
HG may love domestic tips as much as cooking tips by the time this is over!
Kim e: That Downey product sounds great for the Domestic Diva Toolkit. I live in NYC. Most good products that are even slightly innovative have to be ordered online. It is crazy, how this city works. in certain ways.
NYC is normal, PSE. It’s everyplace else that is weird. If you cannot find it in NYC at midnight (pick up your laundry? check; get a new phone? check; order some food? check, of course), you don’t really need it. Where are you from originally?
Lorelei: I am looking for a good steamer. That is what the fashionistas are using these days. Steamers for ones clothing is all the rage. Beats ironing, they say. I looked at 2 on the internet. I Read warnings about burns and accidents and be careful, etc., and I sighed, and I decided to pass on finding a safe one, this month. Maybe I will give it a whirl and look again for a safe, easy to use steamer, next month….Prince Charming is surely on his way, and I have to get all this figured out as soon as possible.
Wow. all of my comments are going where they should, today. Dearest HG! Did you speak to WordPress, and explain a few things to them, or something? My goodness. I like it.
No, i went into Plug In Land and put some stick about
Thank you for doing so, HG. Much appreciated.
Whoa!!! Dearest HG: That is some pretty good English there. I will just let your reply interpret itself. Too rich for my blood. hahaha.
Dearest HG: I gripped up and asked Google what does the phrase mean : Put Some Stick About?
-Question: What does “to put a bit of stick about” mean? – English Language …
`It means to make a display or threat of violence usually to maintain discipline or keep people cowed and submissive.` ~~GOOGLE
(PSE is impressed, indeed.)
Princess—I found a nice Henry Wadsworth Longfellow quote this morning. You may enjoy and/or have heard.. “The heights by great men reached and kept were not obtained by sudden flight. But they, while their companions slept, were toiling upward in the night.”
Great quote that definitely fits Mr. HG Tudor.
I was also wondering what that phrase meant.
Lorelei: That Longfellow quote surely fits HG Tudor, since HG sleeps less than most people. I have been trying to sleep less. So far, it is not happening. But, I am practicing rising earlier. So far, it is working, little by little day by day. Forcing myself to sleep earlier is the difficulty part. But I have not been to the gym lately. I plan to go back next week. Nothing like being literally bone tired from a few weights, etc. , to aid in falling asleep.
I use an iron with a pressing cloth for delicates just like my mother taught me. I iron everything except for sheets.
No pants and shirts. Not jeans of course. Delicate fabrics require a pressing cloth. Do you iron?
Lorelei, I’ve been so busy lately that if 5 minutes on the fluff cycle in the dryer doesn’t take care of the wrinkles, it’s going back in the closet.
Awe—I get it. Mercy, my mother passed away unexpectedly Tuesday just after we had lunch. I am of course having a really chaotic and emotional week. It is filled with ironing unfortunately. Last night I had to rush to get new clothes for my kids and about 1/3 of the items require ironing before the showing this eve/funeral tomorrow. She taught me domestic chores quite well. I’ve been in and out of here—it served a nice reprieve yesterday from my research compilation that I had no choice but to do. Fortunately my slate is clean now so I can focus. *Spray starch helps a bunch!
Lorelei – I am very sorry to hear of your mother’s unexpected passing.
I know that when I am all over the map emotionally and cognitively, simple repetitive tasks calm and focus me. My thing was mopping; ironing qualifies.
Sorry for your loss. Please do take care.💜
Thank you. This is without a doubt, an eviscerating loss. No one survives the type of cancer she had over ten years ago. It’s really not medically possible, and she did. So, it’s all been icing on the cake since.
Lorelei, I am very sorry to hear of your sudden loss. I am so glad you had more time to treasure with her. Those memories are priceless. Take good care.
Sincerely appreciate this FYC. I’m feeling a little more prepared to manage this evening’s showing. It was very stressful just preparing the children yesterday, myself.. Packing, plans, notifications, school work, life.. Little breaks here kinda feel more normal so it’s nice.
I understand, Lorelei. Our grief is equal to our love, so expect it to take time to process, and to feel lighter (if different) again. You have had to deal with a great deal on many fronts, so be extra good to yourself and your kids.
I’m sorry to hear of your mother’s passing. Do I remember correctly that she entrusted you with seeing to care for her cats? If so, you will have brought her much peace by doing that. Take care.
Thank you NA. The showing was actually not difficult. I saw people that have been in and out of our lives for a very long time. Yes, I have the cats but they are in hiding. For nearly two weeks. The one that is historically mean has been under my daughter’s bed and is not biting anyone like she usually does if you reach under the bed. I haven’t seen the other in a week so I think she is in the ceiling somewhere in the basement. She was pleased they went home with me.
Lorelei: sorry to hear your news. Make sure you do something to de-stress.
I just read about your mother passing. I’m very sorry for your loss.
I wish you comfort and peace at this time
We are thinking of you and your family sweet one
It must be a very difficult for you, be rest assured we are all here if you need us
Sending embracing hugs dear lovely
Please take extra care
Sincerest heartfelt wishes
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Lorelei,. I’m just seeing your post. I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. My thoughts are with you and your children. ❤️
Thank you Mercy. All is as well as can be.
My sympathies goes out to you and family during this tough time.
Appreciate your condolences Pati. Good to see you commenting.
Your welcome Lorelei!
Good to be here.
Steamers are the bomb, especially if you wear your clothes more than once before washing or before taking them to the dry cleaners.
You might burn yourself once lightly, but you’ll learn your lesson quickly.
lisk: Thanks for the encouragement. I want one. All the influencers smile as they steam their expensive clothing, especially the hand-wash-only items. Looks sort of fun as well. Like, immediate gratification. And they have travel appropriate small size steamers. I do plan to travel some, and I would like to pack and easily wear whatever I want.
Immediate gratification is correct, PSE! It really is a satisfying task. And it certainly beats getting out the ironing board every morning (I do not have a luxurious laundry room).
Safe Travels and Happy Steaming!
I’m worried for her when the golden period is done, I’m not jealous. I’m sure she’s a good person and doesn’t deserve whatever HG is going to eventually put her through.
Although I can feel jealousy and be provoked into feeling it, I’m generally not a jealous person.
when my ex narc told me he slept with another woman after I dumped him, I was like “omg is she okay???” I was more concerned about how he treated her than the fact they slept together
Hi FYC…ty for your kind words. My incident of abuse was just one time thankfully i cant imagine those that endure it repeatedly 🙁
Five days a week im 18 hours a day fasted the other two 21. I try for twice a month longer. Once youre over 18 hours autophagy sets in and breaks down viruses and bacteria. Its not 100% but it does strengthen your immune system by helping to clean out harmful organisms.
Ive been intermittent fasting for 4 years now and have had 1 cold in all that time which lasted not even a week. Garlic is something else thats great to strengthen the immune system i take it daily in capsule form.
I also intermittent fast, Chihuahuamum, but it’s just naturally something that I do. I don’t do it to lose weight or to detox or anything. I just do it because I am not hungry. I like the fact that it has health benefits, however.
Occasional 24 hour fasts are quite “focusing“—but I find it very difficult to be that disciplined.
If I had to think about it, Lorelei, I probably wouldn’t be able to do it either. But I don’t think about it. I had dinner around 7 last night. It is now noon and I still have not eaten, though I did have coffee. I am just now beginning to get hungry.
It’s hard—it’s a good way to overcome weight loss stalls though.
I’ve never really had to lose weight, Lorelei (maybe 10 lbs here and there) but I imagine intermittent fasting is easier than a lot of diets. You don’t have to think about what you eat – only about when.
And Lorelei, just reading about your mother. It must be quite the shock and I am very sorry for your loss.
Sorry about your mom! Beware, wakes/funerals are hoover opportunities. Take care of yourself and your children.
Death is a Hoover Trigger, just like pediatrician appointments. I hope you and your mother enjoyed lunch together. I feel very sad right now and I hope you are ok.
Lorelei: I found that the mood swings after all the arrangements are over are the worst. I’d feel normal.so soon I felt guilty about not mourning longer. Then I’d start crying as if I had just heard the news for the first time. Rinse and repeat.
I read one of Helen Fitzgerald’s books on grief shortly before my mother died, and wish I’d had it when I was a teen. One of my brother’s friends (and my first makeout partner) died in a car crash when I was just starting high school, and I had no idea why I was doing the things I did.
Thank you Violetta. I woke up a bit ago and know it’s the last overnight here as the dismantling begins and that will be another process. My daughter asked where Christmas will be. That is another brand of a kick in the stomach. But I don’t work this year on the holiday so we can do something memorable out of necessity. Something grand and somewhere maybe warm, maybe not.
K—I’m really good this afternoon. There were Hoover’s from a few Narcy friends.. (my phone does that) but I knew what they were. The service was lovely. Family is scattering and I’m having drinks with high school friends. Drinks is plural. The one guy in the group has chlamydia so it is comedic relief after a rough week.
Good to read. There’s nothing like an STI to lighten up the mood.
Is the listerine story accurate HG? Was it in a moment of “Oh shit—that was a bad idea” and it was on the bathroom counter?
No, it was a joke but it has evidently entertained!
Obsessive cleanliness such as this is one of the classic signs of childhood sexual abuse.
Wow. The shower thing. Seriously? I’ve never heard of such a practice. I find the whole description of both women sad. It’s like living in a cage and not letting your senses experience the world. How do they manage to even have sex?
The sheets are ironed afterwards by the way.
If you like them crisp you can use starch by the way.
lmao. I don’t doubt it. Bunch of germaphobes.
Witch: why does it make you stressed? Are you worried for her happiness when the Golden Period is over, or are you jealous?
Wanted to add sexual abuse victims can struggle with issues of feeling dirty and that can morph into a germ preoccupation or cleanliness ocd situation. I know bc im one of them but this hasnt affected me in this way. Ive had other issues as a result but not centered around this.
The hubby from the movie sleeping with the enemy comes to mind. He was a psychopath obsessed with perfection and cleanliness which was ocd.
I also want to add that theres such a thing as being too clean where people overuse sanitizers and actually weaken their immune system by isolating themselves too much from germs. Its better to strengthen your immune system by a healthy lifestyle, daily fasting((autophagy) and diet so it can handle the germs it comes in contact with.
Chimum: There is no evidence that sanitizers weaken the immune system. The only scientific evidence regarding one type of antimicrobial (Triclosan) was that it had the potential to cause changes in certain hormones and bacterium. No direct link in immune disfunction was noted. As for alcohol based sanitizers, these do not change or weaken the immune system whatsoever, but through washing is best when available.
I agree that healthy eating and good sleep habits assist in building a stronger immune system. In terms of fasting daily, I believe you are referring to intermittent fasting (IF) as a means of increasing cellular turnover. So far the benefits are hypothesized by many, but yet to be well studied in humans. I like IF (8/16) personally, but it does not prevent illness. I find avoiding contact works best.
Chimum, I am very sorry to hear you have been a victim of sexual abuse. I have no knowledge on that topic, but it would make sense such abuse would affect a victim’s perception of being clean. As for OCD, I have read that comorbidity of psychopathology is common, so you may be on to something within regard to certain individuals. More common combos I believe are of the APD/NPD/PPD variety, but I don’t know the numbers.
Hi fyc…thats not what my post was about it was the preoccupation with cleanliness. I consider looking after myself and being well groomed important but what im referring to is the obsession with cleanliness and it does exist ive seen it firsthand and yes it most certainly can be ocd.
I agree its important to be cautious and wash hands and be aware of potential germs but thats not what im talking about in my post.
Ive come across narcissists that have an obsession with cleanliness to the extreme where its not normal and this is more a psychological issue vs trying to avoid viruses and disease.
Hi Chimum. I would say Howard Hughes fit that description as did his mother.
NA, now I’m thinking about the amount of people who eat arse thanks
😆 NA I even use public transport and sit on the seats even after ive literally witnessed an intoxicated individual urinate on a train seat
NA, exactly you dont know what happens behind the scenes in restaurants.
Having done restaurant inspections in the past and I have seen it all!
I’m going to add this line to my online dating profile as both pertaining to me and the men I will agree to date: “free of dirt, disease, stench and infection”. This might eliminate more men who don’t meet my standards.
Remember, the deluded will not recognise they fall into the excluding criteria.
I will recognize that they do. Their stench will give them away.
Filly you can eliminate all of the men that don’t meet your standards by staying off of dating sites! I don’t know about you, but I see an empath being on a dating site like hanging a honeycomb in a bear cave and thinking he’s not going to smell it. Please be careful on there! 🥰
“I see an empath being on a dating site like hanging a honeycomb in a bear cave and thinking he’s not going to smell it.”
I LOVE this analogy!
Although, I have to say that I came down off of my experience with dating sites feeling very emotionally disillusioned with the whole experience and as a result, shortly after, practically ran into the arms of my narcissist because he didn’t present the same.
Well of course you did WC! Your honeycomb was split open after feeling discouraged from finding nothing but losers on dating sites, so the smell of that honey was a lot stronger and he took advantage of that!
I’m curious WC, did you tell him how disillusioned you were about dating sites? I have found looking back over my list of narcissist, ( that sounds bad ) that I was the one that loaded them with all the information they needed to ensnare me! Which empathetic faults do you see HG, besides honesty and love devotee?
Love it FM1T; I see you’re running with the honeycomb analogy.
“I’m curious WC, did you tell him how disillusioned you were about dating sites? ”
No, FM1T, I didn’t. I wasn’t interested in dating when I met him. We spoke about travel, Europe and art…and he managed to do the one thing that I found lacking in the other men in my life: he treated someone very close to me (who had a physical disability) with respect and as an equal.
He took the Harpoon shot and I was done.
He should have just been some eye candy walking in -and then out – of my field vision.
Well, you are correct that nobody on the dating sites really meets my standards. For a long term relationship anyway. But I do occasionally like to add some new blood to my life by interacting with new acquaintances. Usually men. I will be careful. Thank you.
I have OCD sanitizing my hands & pouring alcohol or bleach on anything possible in the bathroom haha. People think I’m crazy but I can’t stop 😂 at least I never get a cold!
I wish people would wash their hands after using the dam toilet,and when preparing food.
That would stop spreading bacteria quickly and people wouldnt get sick especially on cruise ships.
Hygiene is the most important thing and people should just do it.
Since most bacteria thrive in warm, moist environments, I googled what it would take to kill Legionella bacterium:
“A two-hour period where the water is maintained at 50 degrees Celsius will get rid of 90% of the bacteria. If the temperature of the water is raised to 60 degrees Celsius, the same percentage of bacteria will die in just two minutes. Raise that temperature again to hit 70 degrees Celsius and all the Legionella bacteria present will die straightaway.” Hopefully the water is above 60 Celsius where you travel. Who can wait 2 hours?
I can’t help but like Dr. O. I’m curious to how things played out with her. I hope her cleanliness stayed in your imagination.
You’re in the minority, Mercy. Most Tudoristas seem to o be Team Scyldmægd.
Violetta, Yes I know but don’t really understand why. Was there a part 3 on Dr O vs shieldmaiden? I did a search and nothing came up. So far I can’t see that Dr O did anything wrong.
I try to forgot that HG has a girlfriend because it makes me stressed
What is the precaution about Legionnaires about? Is that a UK thing?
No, it is an avoiding illness thing, Shannon.
It sounds like ocd to me. I know a few narcs and all of them have a form of ocd. One is a perfectionist and its clear they need things perfect to feel in control. Its sad when you know where it stems from.
Also the cleanliness thing i wonder if this signifies purity of a female. Your aunt HG would signify dirty. I know firsthand. So the physical aspect of being well manicured and clean may have a deeper significance stemming from the sexual abuse? The ironic thing is a physically clean female could personality wise be very ugly and dirty.
Not so, Chimum. I looked into this as I have travel coming up. The threat is real per the CDC. It is estimated that more than 100,000 cases of Legionnaires disease occur each year in the US and even more overseas. It is most commonly found in large water systems like plumbing (hot water tanks & heaters, which supply showers), hot tubs, pools, cooling towers and decorative fountains.
I have never had legionnaires, thankfully, but getting sick on travel is common for many people. You are 100 times more likely to get sick on a commercial flight, especially in an isle seat. In a study from the American Society for Microbiology, it showed remote controls, telephones, carpets, and bedside lamp switches contained high levels of fecal and aerobic bacteria. Further, cleaning items on maids’ carts, like mops and sponges, had the same high levels of both types of bacteria. Tubs commonly have a “biofilm” of bacteria that is not visible and is not removed unless vigorously scrubbed and disinfected. Better to take some of your own antimicrobial measures for cleanliness, health and peace of mind. I much prefer clean and I am an empath and do not have OCD! I just like being/staying healthy.
Being an adult is so hard! Working 80% of the time, staying on top of cleaning AND going gym. I can’t cope with it all. I have mold in my place right now, I’ll sort it at eventually, I’m tired. If I die I die.
Haha, it is a busy life Witch, but that mold is no joke and needs prompt attention (it’s very bad for your lungs and can effect your brain). Speaking of gyms, another good place to be mindful of cleanliness. Honestly, being clean is easy. It’s just a matter of good habits: Like washing hands frequently, not touching your face, keeping things that are touched frequently, such as your phone, clean/disinfected, etc. All simple and doable.
I wash my hands and shower everyday,
I just never keep on top of house stuff. My place has really bad condensation in the winter so the mold keeps coming back, I could be dying and not even know. Depression stops me from caring.
I feel a bit better now I’ve eaten. A Turkish man put extra halloumi in my wrap for free (I love Turkish people!)
Glad you do, Witch, and I’m sorry to hear you are suffering from depression. Try to get outside. Take a walk or a run. Both will have a positive effect on your brain chemistry and lungs. I hope you feel better soon. Black mold can contribute to depression and other psychological symptoms. Normal mold/mildew is killed with bleach. For excess moisture use desiccants. If you have black (toxic) mold, get a certified remediation team to remove it and certify its removal. I wish you the best with all of this.
Thanks FYC. I’m going gym this evening
Will you be eating clean and training dirty?
sorry not to live up to your standards but I don’t eat totally “clean” I still eat some fried stuff and pastries.but I’ve cut down on desserts. Whenever I’m tempted, I visualise myself with a 6 pack and then pick up fruit instead.
When I clench my stomach now I can see a little 2 pack forming 🙂
2 becomes 4 becomes 6. Good work.
Such as an awful term, “eating clean.”
Depends on the context, Lisk.
I guess, if you’re talking about pica, for instance. But no one really talks about that.
Most often, people use “eating clean” when talking about eating healthily, in a non-processed food kind of way. It’s awful.
FYC, This is disturbing. I need a travel bubble.
Haha, Mercy, if you find a cool travel bubble, do let me know where!
Dear Mr Tudor,
always make sure you rinse the bat throughly before putting it in the stock …..one per bowl
Live baby mice (3 squeaks), live frogs and live monkey brains …. no need to heat, down the hatch
Fingers are being pointed at the poor masked palm civet (which belongs to the badger ferret weasel family) for the virus ……why am I not surprised …haha
Removal of fur, feathers n skin goes for the dogs,cats, snakes, bamboo rats and peacocks
Leftovers can be used for rugs, handbags, framed art etc
Hedgehog spines make great toothpicks after consumption.
The Sika deer belong with Santa for “north poles” sake
The Huanan Wholseale Seafood Market in Wuhan should be set on oven temperature til cremated
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Hi fyc…im careful and use good hygene but dont worry to that extent and i travel a fair bit with no illness. Legionnaires id not really thought about other than humidifiers and hot tubs but that is something ill be more cautious with.
Im definitely not what youd classify a germaphobe 😁
HG: How are you dealing with the spread of the Wuhan flu? Even people who don’t have a clean fetish are walking around with face masks in some cities.
Its spread or halting it is not my responsibility. Where am I at present has a population of one – I will not be coming into physical contact with anybody so no Coronavirus for HG.
Are you in a Narc Cave?
No, Splendid Isolation.
Ah, sounds nice. “Splendid” must mean that you are properly fueled. All is good with the world. 🍷
Each time I touch a gas pump handle I feel like I just had unprotected sex with an uncircumcised vagrant. I can’t wait to use the hand sanitizer in my car! No public or hotel showers without plastic sandals either. Just peaking into Narcville.
A friend of mine got Legionnaires disease in a US hotelsuite. He is the type of man who puts the hotel remotes in a plastic bag to avoid germs, never wears clothes twice in a row and yet Legionnaires Disease almost killed him. The mortality rate is high and the thought of breathing in bacteria in the steaming shower really just makes me gag. Always turn on the shower and the sinks when you’ve been away for longer or go somewhere new, Legionnaires disease is an extremely serious issue, why take any risks
All this running of water and sanitizing things in hotel rooms and then people eat in restaurants where you have no idea what goes on in the kitchen, then get drunk from questionable glasses in the bar, and end up with a complete stranger back in the room to indulge in god knows what. Too funny.
HG´s packed lunch is most effective, NA and you can halt that innuendo right there, thank you very much!
I’m confident a combination of Listerine and magical thinking will have you safe. I was speaking of the rest of us – the encounters of the great unwashed. We may as well be licking random surfaces at the CDC and save the water.
Ha ha very funny!
At least your story has a happy ending.
I wonder if it nearly killed him *because* of his avoidance of germs.
I’m an expose-myself-to-as-many-germs-as-possible kind of person. While I do shower every day and wash my hands after using the ladies room, I never use hand sanitizer, have no issue with scratching my nose inadvertently after shaking someone’s hand, don’t get flu shots, don’t wear face masks, and am exposed to healthy and sick people all the live long day. The last time I was sick was 2016 . . . right after Narcx came back to me after an 11-month hiatus.
I would argue that my friend is actually less susceptible since he travels a lot internationally, therefore his immune system is exposed to a most vast array of germs compared to what the majority of people experience in their lifetime. Legionnaires disease is contracted by way of inhalation of contaminated aerosol in sufficient amounts, for example during a shower. The amount of bacteria the body is exposed to combined with the fact that it goes straight into your lungs is enough to overwhelm most peoples immune system. The behaviour you describe (with regards to choosing to actively expose yourself to germs, rather than avoiding it) certainly helps strengthen your immune system in general, but mostly protects against smear infections and Legionnaires disease is not contracted that way.
Hi lisk…im the same way in that i dont overly avoid germs. When my kids were younger i was very much the opposite i avoided anyone with even a cold and was told that could weaken their immune system isolating them too much. When they got into kindergarten they werent near as sick as the other kids.
I dont get flu shots either.
What worries me more is eating out bc you have no control what the staff is doing to your food. Did they wash their hands after going to the bathroom, have a cut finger, or hork in your food? With cameras maybe not as much nowadays but its still a concern. That is the area of germs i do think about. I dont eat out that often and prefer to cook my own food but when i do dine out i dont obsess over the what ifs. Lifes too short!
Forgot to mention a documentary id watched a few years ago and it featured staff in upper end restsurants in the kitchen as well as coffee shops. It was disgusting what some of them would do and intentionally. Some were caught on camera spitting in coffee and sneezing on food along with putting things like pubic hair in food. A few of the staff had talked about such things and said many times if a customer complained this was their so called “revenge”. My mil is notorious for complaining to waiters and waitresses about her meal or coffee and i would not be surprised if its happened to her.
I always think of this and am super friendly to those serving the food and kitchen staff. Youre at their mercy when it comes to what you eat shudder….
No, it’s a Philadelphia thing.
Thank you, Ashley.
Maybe she changed her name because she thought it would be easier to pronounce, that’s a shame though.
She’s very brave to work with you. I would refuse to treat a het/bi male narc, that’s stress!… well depending on the money and safety measures
Brave like agent sterling?
I don’t know who that is
DR O is braver as HG is a free man