30 Hammer Blows
I explained how we construct the Wrong Focus so you end up concentrating on us rather than yourselves and in turn this hinders you, prevents you from moving forward and allows us to keep you where we want you, miserable, confused and wallowing in emotion. Of the thirty constituent parts of the wrong focus, what are the answers and observations to those questions and comments? Here are the truths that will enable you to avoid the effect of the Wrong Focus and thus in turn allow you to concentrate on yourself and your own needs.
- You will wonder why we treated you so terribly after we were so wonderful to you.
We did this because you stopped providing us with potent positive fuel. We needed to draw negative fuel from you instead in order to maintain our existence.
- You will want to know how we could have just left you like that after everything that you did for us?
With absolute ease. We only think of ourselves. You are just an appliance to us not a person. Someone else has our interest now and we regard them as better than you on every front.
- You will be perplexed as to how we are able to move on to somebody else so soon after being with you, especially since we said that you and I were soulmates and would be together until the end of time?
Those are standard hook-lines (look out for a forthcoming post on this) which we scatter like confetti in order to seduce them. We rarely mean anything we say to you as we are habitual liars
- What are we doing with our new acquisition?
More or less exactly what we did with you. Seducing them and giving them the golden period. We will apply similar techniques to how we charm and mesmerise them as we did with you. Expect us to say the same things, take them to the same places, buy the same gifts and so on, with some occasional changes.
- How are they better than you?
How long have you got? They are more beautiful, more loving, more intelligent, more successful, more fun, more admiring, more adoring, in fact whatever you were they are a thousand times better.
The truth is they are not, they may even be less than you, but we do not see that. To us they are shiny and new and thus amazing.
- Are we happy with that person now?
We don’t feel happy. We feel engorged by the power that surges through us from the fuel. We tell everyone we are happy though in order to maintain appearances and also in the hope you hear about our huge joy with this person.
- What has that person got that you haven’t?
To us, the most wonderful and potent positive fuel.
In your reality, they are little different, indeed you would be surprised by just how much in common you would have.
- She doesn’t even seem like our type so why on earth have we chosen her?
If she pours out positive fuel she is our type. That is all that matters. You are all appliances in our eyes.
- You spend your time on “Ex Watch” as you stalk our social media (and that of the new target) to see what we are doing together, what we are saying to one another and looking for any signs of trouble in this new relationship.
We want you doing this so you will not move on. You will not see any signs of trouble in paradise. Quite the contrary as we pump out the propaganda.
- You want our new relationship to fail so you feel better and validated because the same thing has happened to the new target as it did to you.
We know you do because that is how hateful and horrible you are and makes us wonder why on earth we ever chose. Don’t worry though, it will eventually falter, they always do.
- You feel a need to prove that you are happy (even though you are not) and that you need us to know that this is the case. You consider ways in which you can convey this message to us.
Don’t bother. We know you are torn apart and we will just laugh at your attempts to pretend otherwise. We can still sense what is really going on. Instead of appearing happy you would do better to appear neutral and unmoved.
- You wonder what you could do to win us back.
You really shouldn’t bother but you don’t have to do anything because we will hoover you soon enough.
- You wonder what mistakes were made that caused the relationship to fall apart.
How long have you got for us to list your litany of transgressions? The fact is that this is the case from our perspective. You did nothing wrong.
- You begin to imagine what is going on in between those four walls, that you knew so well once upon a time, becoming fixated with considering what is happening.
Everything that happened between you and I. It is actually frightening just how similar it is.
- You relive the day you had with us and think about whether we are doing the same things with the new person as we did with you.
Of course we are.
- You want us to explain why we did what we did?
Not going to happen. We need to keep you hanging on for answers and closure.
- You try to make sense of what has happened but you cannot. This does not, however, stop you from running the whole relationship through your head over and over again as you seek to find answers.
There is no point doing this. The answer does not lie there.
- You sit and ask yourself are we thinking about you?
No we aren’t. You don’t exist to us until you appear in a sphere of influence and then it is hoover time.
- You ruminate on whether we miss you at all.
We don’t miss you at all. We might miss your fuel at some point.
- Does she kiss us like you did?
Yes not that we care.
- Do we love her more than we loved you?
We will tell the world and you (and her) that we have never loved anyone like this before. Of course we have. It is always the same even though it is not love as you understand it.
- Have we kept the gifts you gave us?
Yes. They will be used to hoover and triangulate.
- Why have we deleted all the pictures of you on social media?
To provoke you and keep the new target happy.
- Why haven’t we deleted all the pictures of you on social media?
To provoke you and keep you hanging on.
- Why are we saying those things about you to other people?
It’s a smear campaign, get used to it. Everybody gets them. You are nothing special.
- Do we feel bad at the way that we treated you?
No.
- Why does it feel like no matter what you do we always seem to win?
Because we change the rules to suit us.
- Will we ever speak to you again?
Oh yes. When it is hoover time.
- Will our friends and family still acknowledge you after everything that has happened?
No. The smear campaign is in effect. They will when we hoover you though.
- What if she is “the one”?
Of course she is. The replacement is always the one (until the next one).
Now you know.
22 thoughts on “30 Hammer Blows”
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Extremely helpful reminders of reality
This is the best information possible for victims. You are a saviour for sharing this HG.
You’re welcome
HG, I had a recent convo with a coworker about the UMR at work. I always thought she was in awe of him but she said things like, ‘I don’t trust him,’ and ‘He has stepped on so many people to get where he is,’ and ‘He doesn’t like when you challenge him.’ Thus confirming everything I thought myself.
My coworker is a standard empath who only ‘likes seeing the good’ in others so it was shocking to hear her admit this. Her ‘need to see good’ actually caused me to pull away b/c I thought she was being too flowery and naive in her assessments.
I told her how I noticed UMR began condescending to me after I started and he would never ask me how I performed a task–always asking the men. My male coworker who worked under UMR said that he didn’t think UMR respected women intellectually.
When I 1st met UMR he told me how his father said to him, ‘UMR, everyone just shits on you,’ and he went on to tell me how this happens to him. Now, in knowing him 4 yrs, how this can be is absurd, considering he bullies to get what he wants. I mentioned this to another male coworker who said, ‘I mean, unless his idea of being shit on is being told no…’
When I 1st started the job there was a robbery on his street–his next door neighbor was robbed and he said, ‘I don’t understand why their house was robbed when ours is nicer.’ It was almost like he was resentful that his own house wasn’t broken into.
I have a ques about the Mid Ranger though. While I know they really do believe they have been shit on and that they are good people who the world victimizes, do they really believe, deep down, that they are superior? I ask b/c I have always sensed that UMR resents anyone who doesn’t 1) admire him and 2) want to emulate him. I do neither, I am polite but mind my own business.
To me, if he really believed he was superior, wouldn’t he just know it and not need to prove it/need constant reassurance all the time? I believe under the bravado he is very insecure. Do think the Mid Ranger resents those ‘under him’ (in this case, me) for not worshiping him? Is it one of those, ‘Who is this inferior person to think she is my equal? Or even in some talents better?’
Deep down they are not superior, but their belief cannot penetrate to such a depth, the narcissism will not allow it.
Instead, they believe they are way better than they are or if they are of ability, embellish it accordingly. There are adjustments of course dependent on cadre.
The UMR you refer to resents anybody who does not admire him because consciously he believes he is superior and should be admired. Unconsciously, the lack of admiration threatens his sense of control which manifests TO HIM CONSCIOUSLY as that person failing to recognise his obvious brilliance and thus he resents them. His resentment is directed either at them (to cause them to respond and give him fuel and signal control) or directed at others about those who fail, in order to elicit agreement and/or sympathy (thus granting fuel and indirect control over the person threatening his control.)
“‘I don’t understand why their house was robbed when ours is nicer.’ It was almost like he was resentful that his own house wasn’t broken into.”
There is actually an episode of Keeping Up Appearances in which Hyacinth pretty much says that!
You amaze me that you can see things from a different perspective than yours. There are narcissists everywhere but the odds of that narcissist being able to speak these words, i know 3. In the world. 2 are famous and your one of the two. Sam V is the other one. Like take a bow
ChristineMay.
Comparing Sam V and HG is like comparing BS and the truth. There is no comparison.
Have been reading your site for several weeks now. I found you while searching about Meghan Markle’s narcissism. I was married to a narcissist for 12 years…it took me years to understand and recover after the divorce. Now I can spot them a mile away. Kudos to you for explaining the thoughts/motivations/actions of the narcissist. And of course, being clever as you are, you are clearly making money from all of us empaths/normals. What you are selling is well worth it.
Thank you. The cost you pay for some of my expertise is a fraction of what it’ll save you.
No doubt!
This is one of my favourites in terms of direct and brutal truths to help clear the fog.
It is also a great example of having the answers provided to a lot of the most common questions for FREE for those who want a brief and general answer not specific to their situation, and are willing to investigate the site a bit.
As with anything else – there are samples and free trials, but if you want the whole product or a customized version, you can expect to pay for that.
Thank you NA and well stated.
I love the harsh reality of this piece.
It’s enough to zap anyone out of a gaslit haze.
HG given all the lies coming out about hidden affairs and then rumours of temper tantrums and bullying backstage, the facade that has been built over many years to protect an image and career that has used his wife and children – is Philip Schofield a Narc or just a victim of circumstance?
I have not analysed him.
And the way this impacts me goes to me and my ET goes to show I failed at No Contact.
Haha. Mesmerized by my ET & thus LT literate language did not prevail. Sigh.
This post in this format is a quick memo we should have posted on our mirror, in our calendar, in our car, written in black ink on our arm to remind us often of the Narc basic truths!
This one is a tough one. Sigh.
Spot on, HG Tudor.
Thank you.
I never had this—I hated him. I was more upset that my kids were around his caliber of low hanging fruit. I am grateful but emotional thinking still finds another avenue to prevail. For me it was focusing (has been) my irritation etc among other issues.