A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 3
I forgive you.
As one should not blame the blind for failing to see, or the deaf for not hearing the melodies we sing to you, I cannot blame you for what you are.
I understand it comes from a place of shame, of pain, and from a childhood deprived of love.
As the grain of sand lacerates the delicate insides of an oyster, the wounded creature covers it with beauty to make a pearl; likewise, you created your image, your glowing, lavish illusion to the world…But inside there is still that grain of sand scratching at your core. That is what I remember when you lie so blatantly: it’s just more coating for your pearl.
Those who I would blame are gone, and my life is too precious and short to waste time hating them, or you. Though you might be a willing – if not eager- tutor, I have no desire, no inclination to learn how to hate. I was ever the rebellious pupil.
I love you.
My heart is vast, with room to spare; my love costs nothing and I give it freely.
Now I understand how badly you need love, I offer it willingly to fill your void as best I can…But it is only love that I will feed you.
If you demand anger, frustration, sorrow, you will not be sated by me. All I could offer then is my pity, but I mask it well, for I do not wish to wound you. I see the grain of sand, I know your modus operandi, but I do not wish to crack your pearl, it gives me no joy to do so.
My heart is strong.
It is more resilient than you can imagine, and each new onslaught, each storm you might try rage against me rushes past like a breeze and leaves me intact and whole, confusing and confounding you, for my heart is not made with walls and foundations: it is a vast, wide ocean, its waves breaking, ebbing and flowing, but always full and deep, timeless and unstoppable. You cannot control me any more than an oyster controls the tide, but I let you believe you are master of the waves, for it gives you some peace and causes me no harm.
You do not understand, pearl in my depths, but I do.
My heart is strong, I love you and I forgive you.
11 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 3”
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Dear Wannabe Playuh-Narc:
I don’t have to forgive you because I have more important things to worry about these days. You want forgiveness? Go see a priest.
Pahaha you crack me up Violetta! True though innit!
I’m not completely free, though it has been years. I still surf his site occasionally, and we all know it shouldn’t be ever. He mentioned that he was “between apartments, staying with relatives,” which I guess sounds better than admitting he’s back in Mommy’s basement.
Sterling letter TY
I do forgive you Nick, I wish it could have been..I loved how it seemed as though you were so patient with me. You led me to believe I was so lucky to have you and I was full of problems. Still things are coming around that I remember you saying. I see how deep this all was. The manipulation. You could have been the one. But you do not hold up to my standards of honesty and integrity and it pains me to say to someone that I cant have you in my life. I’m so sorry. You even tried turning my kids against me or was having seeds of doubt planted against my own children.
HG I have a question.. when you say they do not know they are lying or manipulating… I dont understand this…for instance today I just thought of something. 2 years ago we were on a trip. We came home from OHIO. He called me one day and asked me if my girls answered his phone…I said “no they wouldnt do something like that.. its YOUR phone and they dont know anyone that you know TO even feel comfortable answering it. ” he claimed his job called his phone and someone answered it. He said his work told him that a young female answered it. And it supposedly happened with us. I didnt recall any such matter. Today I asked my girls about it. Never took place. If he doesnt know he is downright lying then how can his mind make up a scenario that never happened?
The funny thing was after a few months of that incident he was saying all sorts of things. I asked him why does his mind forget things.. and he told me a garage door came down on his head when he was young and he has short term memory. However, i countered that and said “ya bit short term memory doesnt have you make up things that never took place”
So again, he completely makes things up. He would KNOW if his work called and said a young female answered but it was made up..did he know he was lying in that moment?
Can you explain this?
I don’t believe that what we feel for the narcissist is love. I like this letter except for that part. We don’t know the narcissist, and therefore all parts of the relationship (including “love”), are but an illusion.
An understandable view Gina.
You do feel love as it was genuine from your position, however it was based on something false.
If you believe you have been granted permission to build a house, the house you build thereafter is indeed a house. If it transpires that the permission was not actually granted or was given unlawfully, your house still remains a house but may have to be demolished. Which is not a bad thing to do about the love for the narcissist, demolish it.
I always appreciate your analogies, HG. They are so helpful. I haven’t heard the house one before. The way you convey the love we have for the narcissist is spot on. As Empaths, we aren’t in the business of demolishing love, but when you put it this way, it makes perfect sense.
Thank you MB.
Alright. Personally I don’t think I ever loved him, he mirrored back to me what I wanted to see, and I loved that. I understand what you’re saying. I hated him for a long time, he messed up everything I wanted in my life as far as a family, and I fell for that. Thought he was different from my parents (both narcs), but he’s just a different form of the same that I failed to recognize. Now I hate him less, but still hate him. Not very empathic of me, but there you go.
I like this part:
“My heart is strong.
It is more resilient than you can imagine, and each new onslaught, each storm you might try rage against me rushes past like a breeze and leaves me intact and whole, confusing and confounding you…”