I Love You (And I Always Have)
This is a well-used phrase by our kind and is wheeled out with regularity during love-bombing. At face value and of course that is how you will take it because you are in the midst of a veritable whirlwind of compliments, flattery and passion, this seems a straight forward enough comment to make.
However there is far more to it than meets the eye. Just as we operate from a different perspective to you, we also utilise language in a different way and one of the key ways of tackling our kind is to understand what we are REALLY saying when we use these delicious phrases and appealing comments.
So, what do my kind really mean when we say “I love you and I always have”?
My need to seduce you is considerable and therefore I will use language which will appeal to you and be so outlandish that it will blow you away. I do not actually love you. I do not love in the way that you do. I understand that the closest I come to it is infatuation. I am not in fact infatuated with you but more precisely with what you can do for me.
My needs are paramount. Yours are largely irrelevant. I write irrelevant because I do take them into account during the seduction but after that they are thrown to one side, but that is something different and not the purpose of explaining what I mean when I say the above phrase to you.
I say I love you and mean I am infatuated with you. I am infatuated with three things that you will give me through my successful seduction of you.
- Fuel, the most important item;
- Useful traits which I can apply to my construct and parade as my own achievement, characteristics and accomplishments to make me appear even more attractive to you and other people (and thus get more fuel); and
- Residual benefits such as a roof over my head or getting you to pay for things.
I want those three things. I want the fuel most of all but the other two matter as well. To get those things I need to seduce you. To seduce you I need to say things like this, grand statements which will amaze you and sweep you off your feet. Why will it have this effect? Well, because you are a love devotee. As an empathic individual one of your traits is that you are a love devotee.
This means you belief very much in the concept of love, how love is wonderful, how love can conquer all, how love crosses any boundary and love is amazing, splendid and the best thing in the world. I know you are a love devotee because I have studied you before I approached you. With this knowledge I know that making a statement like the one above will resonate with you considerably for the following reasons: –
- As a believer in love you want to hear that someone loves you;
- You want this love to be grand, sweeping and extraordinary. By explaining that I have always been in love with you, I achieve this. It is a statement which conjures up images in your mind’s eye of me waiting for years before I picked my moment to tell you, of me sitting with my love burning away and how you have never noticed. It appeals to you to think in such terms. It is romantic and glorious.
- I will have plausibility on my side. I may know you already as we may be friends or colleagues. I may be a neighbour. I may be your therapist even. If I do not know you in detail, we may know each other by sight and the occasional hello from attending the same gym or such like. You may not know me but I will generate (fabricate) a back story that I have watched you from the coffee shop every day as you walk past (once I have established that you do so) and I have been in love with you. This plausibility overcomes any natural hesitance you may have. The immensity of the love factor in this statement will overcome any slight scepticism you may have, that having been eroded already by the plausibility.
Saying this statement is a direct shot at your heart and is part of the harpoon strike that we engage in when we are seducing a victim.
It is not true however. We have chased plenty of people before you. We may have only set eyes on your two days ago and we do not love in the manner that you do. Everything about this statement is false, it serves our purpose to seduce you and to do so quickly.
105 thoughts on “I Love You (And I Always Have)”
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We only spoke about love a few times. Once MRN asked me if I had been in love with someone from my past. I thought for a minute and said no, it was not love. I always wondered whether that was his way of gauging whether I was in love with him or if he was just curious about what real love might feel like. Maybe both. I then once said that if he loved IPPS he should focus on her. He looked at me sideways, as if the thought had never occurred to him. He did not say yes, I love my wife. Once I also said we must be in love with each other because we kept coming back to each other. This was before my final escape and I think it lulled him into thinking that I would go back to him, though I quickly changed it to we must love things about each other. That was it for love! In fact, he told me the very first day we met that he was superficial. So no, not capable of love but on the upside and unlike HG, he was not capable of hate either. I think to MRN it would have been a sign of weakness to pretend to either love or hate, to have any strong emotions at all.
SMH. Of course MRN is capable of hate. He is consumed by it. He just chooses instinctively when to use it. Please do read Fury. (That was me channeling HG)
Kim e, He hid it well, then, except for once or twice but I didn’t really see those moments as hate. They were more like anger. The only person he ever really indicated that he disliked was his boss and I am sure that’s because his boss was also a narc but a greater one than MRN, and controlled him.
SMH. Does not matter what he showed you. He wanted positive fuel from you so you got the lovie side of the illusion. You, as are we all, are beneath them and they hate us.
I think their truer nature comes out in devaluation which you nor I ever went thru. That is when the hatred shows more
There was no love nor hate in our relationships. Just fuel and control. The fact that you had a conversation regarding if you loved each other was like putting lipstick on a pig. He was still a MRN saying whatever needed to be said to get what he needed from us.
Kim e, You are right that I never went through devaluation so I did not see that side of him ever. He was not capable of talking about emotions at all but he was also aware that he was not capable of it. He did not feel emotions. He often said that he did not understand other people’s emotions and that he had few of his own. He was never super happy or super sad. When I said at the end (final conversation in person) that I thought for the longest time that he had Aspergers, he said ‘I might.” He also knew that people came to hate him. I’ve often wondered what it would be like to be him, semi-conscious of what he lacked that most other people have. But then that is dangerous thinking because it makes us feel sorry for them, not blame them, want to reach out etc.
SMH,
I get it. W told me he didn’t do emotions either. But knowing that and realizing it was the total true did not stop me.
I do feel sorry for all N;s and I do not blame them. Not even sure I could ever say he got what he deserved as did he really and truly understand what and why he stabbed her 15 times after he raped her. If it is all about control and is instinctive for most, was it truly their fault? Or is that my ET?
I cant blame him any more than I can blame myself for staying after I knew. It was my addiction. My addiction can be “controlled” but will never be gone. The N has no chance of changing.
Off soap box……
Sorry…….
Smooches
Kim e, Who stabbed and raped whom?? I think if we remember that Ns are lions, as HG has told us, we can learn to be pretty neutral and use our logical brains instead of our emotional ones. Lions might be pretty but you don’t want to pet one or put your head in its mouth! Best observed from a distance! Smooches!
That’s a pretty trippy avatar you’ve got there Kim e. Maybe it’s time I changed mine since I think I am outta the tunnel now.
SMH..
That avatar is the inside of my brain………LOL
Yes…do change yours to something cheery and positive……like you.
Kim e, Haha. Most people irl do not see me as cheery and positive. Probably more blunt and sarcastic. I don’t flame very much but when I do, look out! I can turn on a dime. I tried to warn MRN but I guess he did not take me seriously.
I am on the hunt for another avatar but it also means logging into WordPress, which I have not done for ages. Will get to it. I hope you can change yours soon!
Today feels very rushed for some reason, since I am not going anywhere. I’ve already worked for four hours and skipped a meeting. It’s not even lunchtime yet.
Smooches!
HG im looking for one your blogs from the beggining which talked about sick narcissists and the cover picture was a drawing of a man with a thermometer in his mouth. Can you please give me the link. I dont find it with the search results. Thanks alot.
Hello Nikita, always a pleasure to see you dropping in. The article is “Sick to Death” or “You Sicken Me” and this link is the latest incarnation of that article
https://narcsite.com/2020/03/10/you-sicken-me-14/
Thanks alot! Stay healthy.
Here are some gems from the vaults of Ren Towrs for your edification and delight.
‘You have healed me!’
Got this mutha twice. Erections, obviously.
‘I’ve been searching all my life for you!’
And you, and you and of course you.
Bit of a weird one this but bear with me…
‘I have the maiden and the crone. You are the mother. I want us to be together until we die’
Coupled with…
‘You are The Mother of Cats and of Children’
The inference is, I’m Queen to his King. And hes elevating me to Goddess. I’m entirely relaxed about this. I’ve yet to check this with the Overlords.
‘Will you marry me?’ Said after 5 weeks.
‘Will you marry me?” Said after 8 weeks
‘You have my balls’
Sure do, bud
But by far the worst was my one and only Valentines card from the UMS.
‘I will love you forever’
That one strikes fear into my heart.
I agree, Renarde. Mine told me “I love you and I always will. We will always be connected.” As a love devotee, this made my heart melt the first time. It gave me chills when I read Decipher and really understood what it means.
Would it wound a narcissist if I vomit in his clothes when he says, “We will be together forever.” I’m more inclined to respond to some classy filth!
No, it would be Challenge Fuel.
Lorelei
if you farted, burped or shit yourself because of/directed towards the narcissist, it would be challenge fuel. Anything you do (gestures included) in the presence of the narcissist is fuel.
P.S.
Although, if you shit yourself because you are afraid of the narcissist then that would be pure negative fuel (fear).
Nice K! Pooping oneself is more likely to be the nice guy mid ranger when confronted by the type B pissed off upper lesser chasing them from their factory. Can you see The Donald chasing one of them!? Now that I’ve had time to assimilate some of HG’s lexicon into my own life interactions, I especially recall a type B UL gastroenterologist. He was forever perforating bowels with his scope because he was crude and uncaring. He would get mad and throw bloody things. He was banding esophageal varices once, and got pissed off and just throwing stuff and cussing. I had to soothe him into settling down. He trotted about in cowboy boots and scrubs in the hospital. He was ridiculous and had an affair with a nurse he ended up marrying. They fought all the time. I only share it because the vision is so fresh for me. He always needed a haircut. He was very successful though. He actually gave seminars and wasn’t stupid.
Lorelei
What a delight! A cowboy-boot-wearing-adult-toddler (narcissist) having a temper tantrum at work. Although some ULNs can be smart and successful in their respective fields, perforating bowels is concerning. Perhaps he should just stick with the seminars.
During the crazy 80s, one of my midrangers was burgling a home when got busted by the police and shat himself on the spot; I think that put an end to his wannabe gangsta career.
K—why was a mid ranger burgling a home? That’s kinda weird? I need to know more.
Lorelei
Yes, he was/is a midranger. This incident occurred when I was a teenager. Many of the kids that I hung out with were narcissists. He and several other boys thought they were slick so they robbed a house and got busted in the act. That was the first and last time he burgled a home to my knowledge.
It was youth related—that makes sense. Dumb youthful antics. Imagine how fueled he is now to generate chuckles from other people at this point in his life.
Lorelei
They were between the ages of 15 and 16 and I suspect that their narcissism played a significant role in their behaviour. One of them has been incarcerated and several others became alcoholics. The midranger, eventually, bought a home and banged anything that moved.
Not quite right.
Anything you do in the in the presence of the narcissist caused by the narcissist is fuel.
You vomit because of what the narcissist said because it was too syrupy, that is Challenge Fuel.
You vomit because you have eaten something suspect and you are stood next to the narcissist, that is not fuel as the narcissist did not cause it.
You talk to somebody else smiling and laughing when stood next to the narcissist, without involving the narcissist, you wound the narcissist.
You hug somebody in the presence of the narcissist. You wound the narcissist.
“You talk to somebody else smiling and laughing when stood next to the narcissist, without involving the narcissist, you wound the narcissist.” Mmmmmm!
Emotional Thinking.
HG
Got it. Context is very important. My ULN’s brothers burped and farted into each other’s face (challenge fuel) and then they would get into a physical altercation.
HG
Jeeze, after thinking about what you wrote, I was a wound-er and a challenge fuel-er. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. No wonder NC is the way to go.
If I were to ever see HG in person, I’d throw up or pass out. Maybe both. I wouldn’t mean it as challenge fuel though. I promise!
Passing out because you came over all unnecessary would be seen as a compliment. If you barfed through fear, another compliment.
A compliment HG? Well you’re welcome! But what WILL we do about the barf on your shoes? Let me replace them. No, really, I insist. They cost how much?!? *MB faints* … again!
Ha ha.
What if HG is 5’2″ and bald? Would you still pass out MB? Or would you laugh? What if he is 24 and living in his mom’s basement eating Cheetos? And playing Xbox.
Except he is none of those things.
Lorelei, Yes! Yes I WOULD still pass out as soon as I heard his voice. It would cause a vasovagal syncope. I would lose all control of my nervous system’s response! #lookwhatyoumademedoHG
Oh, and Cheetos are really good after fainting, so….
MB
Hahahaha…as long as you don’t shit yourself, it’s all good!
K, that’s never happened before and if it did, I’d die, not faint! Neither have I barfed. Passing out is a different story however. It’s a thing!
MB
Hahahaha…good to read! You Swooning Southern Belle!
Scarlett: Rhett, don’t. I shall faint.
Rhett: I want you to faint. This is what you were meant for.
K, Rhett was such a narcissist! Reinforces HGs determination about being unnecessary. I had to Google that one. We don’t say that here!
I swear HG is going to be irked but I’ll be more surprised if he’s not unusual than if he is!
Talk about someone else, hug someone else in the presence of the N and it wounds. I try not to wound Ns most of the time because I want to ‘get along’ with my life and not be troubled by them and because I want them to do things for me hahah. All NISS.
But when it comes to pantman – Jesus! I must stick the knife in twist it round, take it out and do that again and again and again. Yet after a period of time elapses he still tries to hit on me? What the hell is wrong with the man?
You are asking the wrong question.
Alexis2016
Love me, hate me, but never ignore me.
He still gets a response from you.
Alexis:
You still have two fucks left to give, and the knife-twisting tells him this. Reduce your number of givable fucks and stop playing with the silverware..
Thanks HG. I know it’s the wrong question. Sadly I have no choice but to interact on a professional level. I do keep it to an absolutely minimum and he does not bother me or cause me any problems thankfully. He just irritates me because ugh! He is so disgustingly disgusting!
NA – you’re dead right he does still get a response. ewwwwwwwww
I know I’ve posted this before, a few years ago I think. But this is literally him at 20 seconds in!!! yuk yuk yuk!
Alexis that video is hilarious!! He is a CREEP!! I feel for you, are you tempted to toy with him at all? Not lead him on but make him look stupid, prank him, take the piss, fuck him up a bit? He’d grate my tits I’d have to lol!
Presque Vue,
hahahahah thanks. Love this video!
I cannot help myself but have little wins over him when I have to interact. But because he grosses me out so much I only do this when I literally have to engage. I’d rather never see him ever again but as I have to, he has to suffer for this lol
Alexis—I see the video you posted and almost peed. Remember Mr. Peach eater? How could I ever (insert imagination..) a guy that I know is a mid type B? HG’s description of the type B cry baby is HIM. I know he can eat a peach. But I couldn’t keep a straight face while the peach was being eaten!’ This disorder is a waste of good peach eaters. Yes, I’m the drinking one now! I’ve been throwing back a few while painting.
Mid type Bs are the worst but yes o was taken in by one too. Ugh let’s put that one very far behind us Lorelei even if he can eat peaches.
Hahahha yup HG can catch us out when we’re drinking. You’re doing well to disguise yours though at least hahaha
You wouldn’t wound mine, as he spends most of the year in swimming trunks showing off his abs.
SP
Goodness! Of course it is in Deciper. It’s been a fee years since I’ve read that book.
Yes its utterly frightening how their perception of love is not ours.
Actually, I think us pagans had it right with our handfasting ceremony. Year and a day. Then renew as necessary. Thete have been men that I’ve loved but I do not love them anymore.
Love might be forever but forever is a very long time.
I love forever. That’s my problem. I noticed my perception of time and narcs actually coincide; what doesn’t coincide is the perception of love.
Coincides. Grammar grammar!!
SP
Get you on perception. I’ve had two Ns who have said, ‘But I show my love in the things that I do, not what I say’.
It’s always problematic when you hear that one.
I know I will love my children forever and even after all the pain, I cannot switch off that part of me which loves my parents. Even now.
I dont love any of my exs anymore but neither would I wish any of them ill.
Alexis—I need to see this guys pants. Can you post it for a day—just the waist down?
‘I’ve been searching all my life for you!’
Yup heard this. I think we need to compare notes!
Was he not so attractive?
Alexis—your eyes are the most beautiful I’ve ever seen.
Hahha aww thank you sweetie! I think I may have heard that somewhere before mwah
Which school of narcissist uses eye compliments more than any other Alexis?
oooh only just seen this Lorelei! hmmm I’m guessing at the mids. what do you think?
Alexis—I long for the sanctuary in your eyes. They glisten like 1,000 morning sunshines. I feel safe and whole. The world has treated me so poorly that with you—I know I have shelter. (MMR type B)
Hahahah it all seems so obvious when you see them written down in black and white.
Yes it is obvious.
It’s 9:30 in the morning though? Just so you know. Hahahahaha
Alexis—I hate the morning after. I really do. The lower lessers have it made, they never have anything important to do the following day.
Awwww you’re such a sweetie Lorelei. I was just kidding that you were drinking and it was 9:30am (where I am probably not where you are). British humour perhaps hahaha
Hi Alexis. I’m recovering. I have been intoxicated at 9:30am though. We used to go to a bar after work called the Neon Saloon (now closed down) and let loose. Like ridiculous and dancing, etc. There is nothing like a group of doctors & nurses drinking shots. I’ve been known to lick the jello off the sides of the shot containers. It amuses me to think of how distant a memory this is. It would be highly unlikely for me to lick Jell-O shots these days. Not impossible if my kids were not around. It’s never as fun after it’s over though.
I can only imagine doctors and nurses most definitely know how to have a fun night out hahaha the jello though. Lorelei (name spoken in an elongated way) lol
But Alexis—I told you how your eyes glisten with light—and here you go speaking my name in an elongated fashion! It threatens my control. You need punished now. I’m going to triangulate you with.. Maybe K. She won’t give a shit.
Anyway, I can’t make this up—one of the drinking docs (total mid type A) was on the news yesterday about his heroic efforts. I seem to recall he was slow, (not incompetent at all) but largely ineffective. He was sleeping with a mother & daughter duo and triangulating. This was while stringing along a really nice girlfriend he was kinda quad-ulating the mom & daughter with. His heroic efforts make me smile. Why? Well.. He ain’t that bright.
Another one used to start IV lines on himself and walk around with fluid running & an IV pole seeing patients in order to garner sympathetic inquiries. ( twice I recall) He painted me black but I don’t care because he’s a grade A whinger. What a douche but his party’s were fun.
Alexis
That’s the trouble, he WAS attractive but in an unusual way.
He was a reanactor. A Knight. Very skilled in all sorts of ways. I did love him and the Seduction Hoover was quite something else.
I’ve been thinking about all that period a lot today. Not in a wistful way, more of a slotting memories into their correct holes.
Always happy to compare notes lovely with you! X
Renarde: It’s hard to resist someone who can bash people with a rattan all day and dance Maltese Bransles all night.
Especially if he’s fluent in Old Norse.
Or Catalan dialect.
Or can cuss in classical Latin.
Sigh.
Violetta
Indeed sigh. He knew Latin
Ex public school.
Catalan is not a dialect Violetta, it’s a language.
Sweet P:
It’s close enough to Latin that I understood Ramon Lull’s original Book of Chivalry better than a modern Spanish translation.
Hahaha okay. If yours was attractive definitely not the same person!
I used to find it quite helpful to look back at the memories and slot them all in to place. In the beginning it hurt a lot but had to be done to make sense of it. It doesn’t hurt a lot and was confusing but as LT takes over and it all makes sense it’s really helpful. Now it’s just complete acceptance of what their reality and my reality.
Always happy to compare notes too but wp doesn’t always tell me when I receive a reply.
Alexis
I get you. Some of the things they say are so uncannily similar that its spooky at times!
You slot too? The most painful spotting ones were actually to do with PN. When I had my Damascene moment, I had two weeks of flashbacks in the day and nightmares. So painful.
I got a drawing of a tombstone on one card, enclosed in a gold foil-lined envelope that I had hoped was a wedding announcement (Yes! Someone else’s problem now!!!).
Subtle.
Violetta
A tombstone? Did it read ‘I told you I was ill?’
That’s quite macabre. Theres a short story in there struggling to get out!
#talessoftheunexpected
Spike Milligan send his regards and his estate a demand for breach of copyright.
HG
Shit.
It’s been used before that. There are examples in the U.S. from the ’80s (using “sick” instead of “ill”).
So Spike plagiarised it? Tut tut.
HG
I like Spike. Did he not call Charlie-Boy a ‘Grovelling Bastard’?
Ha! Good on him I say. At least he had the balls to call it.
I’m contributing a few bob, a packet of Parma violets and a precious bottle of Vimto to his estate. (Full fat).
With my blessings for being an utter card! And a very funny fucker.
I prefer to think it was a deliberate Literary Allusion. As Tom Lehrer put it:
Plagiarize
Let no one else’s work evade your eyes
Remember why the good Lord made your eyes
So don’t shade your eyes
But plagiarize, plagiarize, plagiarize –
Only be sure always to call it please ‘research’
“Nicolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky”
Renarde:
Parma violets? I want in on that one.
It had my name on it, a heart, and a date of death. I showed it to the police, and the officer said, “We can’t do anything unless he makes a death threat. This could be a suicide threat.”
I said, “From your mouth to God’s ears.”
Violetta
And this proves what I’ve suspected all along about the Police. Morse, they ain’t.
Death threats are way not cool. I had one a couple of months ago and they weren’t interested.
It so burns me when they do things just enough outside of the law to make law enforcers basically impotent to act.
Renarde that is hilarious regarding being healed for erection issues 🤣🤣🤣
‘When soul bleeds through everlasting truth, You know that we are strong, can bear such wounds and walk along full of song. I love you for helping me to be xxx‘ …
I have so many in old emails! I just saw one that said he would never let me go. I feel nothing now, not a thing!!
PV
How come I never received anything so flowery? That is fully hilarious!
Yes, I am the Personal Jesus of the Phallus, The Budda of the Balls, the Lakshmi of the Lingum.
Pretty sure both were Soms. I also think the healing issue is discussed in ‘Sex’. My God did I laugh!
“Personal Jesus of the Phallus”
Reach out and touch an undistinguished knob-end?
Violetta
Brilliant! Ive been giggling about that for hours!
I might rewrite Master and Servent. That is DM, right?
HG it is an interesting conundrum to hear you speak so much of love in your fables, of which, your kind does not feel or think of as such.
Undoubtedly love is a battlefield for all, however I digress.
Perhaps Narcs doth protest too much, methinks – (TY William).
We created the image and you all fall for it. Just look around you.
“Fall” is an apt verb.
I have told people I loved them very quickly. Nick told me the very next day after we met. I didnt think it odd because I have done the same.
In regards to the hot and cold. The hot and cold I received where break up get together. 6 times 6 months. So if I was a shelf object.. he introduced me to all his friends. That was the bbq gathering and from then on many of the hang outs were with them. Never my friends. So even though our relationship was in front of everyone else as a commitment at that point you believe it was me being an IPPS at that time and him just reacting to someone challenging his way of thinking and feeling threatened but then having enough cognitive function to realize he was out of line and jumped the gun and coming back with some sort of understanding?
Hearing “I love you” at this point in life would totally kill any prospect of between the sheets. It nauseates me. What a useless thing to say.
Oddly enough, served me very well over the years.
Lol
Yes but I’ve never really trusted it HG—not much of a love devotee. Not since a touch of the hot stove. I’m intuitive enough to know it wasn’t quite right, and almost shifted my attraction to the hot/cold dance. In fact, that is where a lot of the problem rests. It’s almost a preference which is sick.
I understand and your response is understandable given the matters you refer to.
Thank you—it’s not like “Hey bitch” will ever be appealing, but there is a struggle with the narcissist that feels almost “home.” I grew up walking on eggshells so it’s what I’m used to. Alarm bells ring, but alarm fatigue allows for the dimming of their warning. The noise is normal.