The Geyser Empath
The Geyser Empath is an individual who is empathic in nature with the additional tendency to fountain with emotion. All empaths are emotional, it goes with the territory but some empaths are far more emotional than others.
This type of empathic tendency is marked by high energy levels. One might even go so far as to say that shades of hyper activity start to appear with the Geyser Empath. He or she is always on the go, heading here and travelling there, seeking out people to see how they are and to exhibit their significant caring side with plenty of suitable expressions of concern, empathy and understanding.
The Geyser Empath is very useful for our kind because of how expressive they are with regard to their emotions. Their responses are exaggerated. This does not mean that they are false, far from it, the exaggeration appears as a heightened response which is very useful for us to witness and then allows us to mimic it.
There is no subtlety involved. When the Geyser Empath is happy it is shown as a torrent of joy, their concern is grave and focussed and their hurt is not of a silent tear but the wail and tears of the tortured. Such displays may seem melodramatic to some, but they are not, they are exactly how the Geyser Empath feels.
The Geyser Empath, owing to the high energy levels talks often about how he or she feels but this is not a case of them explaining that because it must be all about them, but rather they will convey those feelings in order to help others by causing them to better understand. When someone talks about being in despair, the Geyser Empath will relate how they know despair only too well and will articulate that feeling in order to demonstrate that they understand how the listener feels.
This person has a tissue thin skin and is highly sensitive. They are very easily hurt and when we lash out against them, they respond with a fountain of emotion. If they are praised, their thanks will gush from them with greater intensity than a Gwyneth Paltrow Oscar acceptance speech. If they are denigrated, the tears will not flow but they will cascade along with that trembling bottom lip and a near histrionic response to the pain caused by wounding words.
The Geyser Empath is unable to put on a brave face. Whilst the Carrier Empath is dogged and stoic in the face of adversity, focussing their empathy on resolving the situation in a practical fashion, the Geyser Empath will dissolve in a bubbling mess of tears. They are completely unable to conceal their emotions, even for a short time. A Carrier Empath can do so because they shift their feelings on to solving a problem. The Geyser Empath does not have that function. They are excellent at tea and sympathy, kind and comforting words flowing, but of little use practically.
Unlike the Magnet Empath, the Geyser Empath is better dealing with intimate and one-on-one situations rather than handling a crowd. The Geyser Empath loves nothing more than finding an individual as their project and wanting to use their biggest asset in order to resolve issues; their utter devotion to love.
They are the greatest love devotees of all empaths, they truly believe that with love everything can be solved. Love conquers everything, all you need is love, love will save the day. If you were to ask them just how this happens, they could not answer, but explain that love works in mysterious ways and by being loving, showing love and acting with love in each and everything they do, this will resolve problems, heal hurt and bring happiness to all.
This devotion to love means that the Geyser Empath is big on romance and will readily fall prey to overt exhibitions of passion, love and romance from our kind. Any narcissist which presents as the knight in shining armour will have the Geyser Empath’s attention from the beginning as he or she believes they have found a kindred spirit.
The Geyser Empath’s overt displays of emotion make our task of mirroring so much easier. He or she will wear his or her heart on their sleeve and they will suffer repeated heartbreak. Notwithstanding this outcome, the Geyser Empath is undeterred. They will suffer misery and pain from this broken heart and they will then affirm their belief in love and bounce back.
No matter how devastated they are following the shattering of their heart, they will piece it back together and will do so with greater speed amongst the empathic types. They may suffer considerable pain and they will exhibit the effect more greatly than other empathic types but they also re-charge with a greater speed as a consequence of their devotion to love. Their belief is unshakeable.
No matter how many times they are let down, hurt, cheated on and so forth, they will soon bounce back. They are not naïve but rather have an undimmed and undented belief in the power of love. This capacity for returning to the arena of love so promptly after heartache means that they are ideal candidates for post discard and post escape hoovers as they ‘refuel’ so quickly.
The Geyser Empath is highly sensitive and will be moved to tears regularly be they tears of joy or tears of pain. There will often be a need for a tissue when this person is around. One might be moved to consider them as someone pathetic but that would be an inappropriate label. Yes the Geyser Empath is very easy to manipulate into spurting out fuel and because of their beliefs they will suffer repeated hurts but their strength lies in their unwavering belief in love and how they soon bounce back following their set backs.
They will do Misery 2.0 when they are wounded and hurt, the sobbing, the wailing and the tears will be extensive but it will not last. They do not wallow, but wipe away the tears, reapply the mascara, smooth down the rumpled clothes and climb right back on to their Unicorn of Love and Hope and gallop into the fray once again. The Geyser Empath can exhibit unpredictability of response.
There will always be emotion, which suits our kind, but the extent and intensity of it may at times be so startling that it actually affects the standing of the narcissist with third parties who look on and witness what appears to them to be histrionics and melodrama. Exerting control over this emotional output can at times prove difficult for all save the Greater Narcissist.
The Geyser Empath lacks the serenity of the Magnet Empath and there is no cool deliberation of the Carrier. The Geyser will erupt with emotion with squeals of delight at the good news of a friend who is to be a parent, the triumphant praise for a colleague who has secured a promotion and the devastated collapse following the death of a loved one. The Geyser Empath believes that everyone has the capacity to love and that once they do, all their ills will be solved.
This person appeals to all schools of narcissist because of the high fuel content that is provided and the ease by which it can be provoked. They are easy to seduce but tend to suffer swifter devaluations than other empaths because they shine brighter and thus run the risk of our kind becoming familiar with their fuel in a quicker time so that the potency loses its lustre sooner.
As explained above however, they are prime candidates for hoovers and often the hoover bar is lower for them as a consequence of the narcissist knowing that so much delicious fuel will become available with the added bonus of it being hoover fuel and furthermore because the devotion to love means that the Geyser Empath has a greater susceptibility to giving second, third and fourth chances.
The Geyser Empathic tendency is evident in all of the classes of empathic individuals. This tendency is often seen amongst the Co-Dependent class when this tendency manifests in an extreme form. Its presence will exist in Empaths but tends to be mixed with other empathic tendencies as well so the effect will be slightly diluted but not muted.
With regard to the Super Empath it is unusual to see the Geyser Empathic tendency because of the Super Empath’s inherent resilience to both a sudden devaluation and being hoovered.
The Lesser is drawn to those with this tendency because the effort required is so minimal to prompt a response and thus accords with the Lesser narcissist’s lower energy levels and reduced cognitive function for manipulation and machinations.
The Mid-Ranger will also be attracted because of the fuel on offer and the ease by which it can be harvested but the emotional volatility can become wearing to the Mid-Ranger because he will struggle to assert control to achieve some of his aims.
The Greater revels in those with Geyser Empathic tendencies finding the sudden eruptions amusing and playing straight into his portrayal of the individual as unbalanced and unhinged. He or she will take a perverse pleasure in provoking the Geyser into giving more and more fuel.
118 thoughts on “The Geyser Empath”
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I was like this as a kid. I was older than my brother by 5 1/2 years and he would laugh at me when I got over emotional as would otherw As an adult not so much. I learned if I show people my emotions I become a target but I will tell people how I feel when I feel pushed in a corner or I feel exploited. I know my feelings don’t matter to anyone in the long run to anyone but myself but I will give you a piece of my mind if you push me too far.
HG- Do these observations also apply to anger? As I have shared here, I am prone to huge bursts of fury when I am angered.
“When the Geyser Empath is happy it is shown as a torrent of joy, their concern is grave and focussed and their hurt is not of a silent tear but the wail and tears of the tortured…”
Also, MMR would flinch when I raged, as if I was going to strike him.
Yes, it would apply to anger.
Your prophetic wisdom is astounding HG.
The LMR hated my Geyser emotions because he didn’t feel in control. He kept breaking up with me, but because I decided I loved him, I wanted to be together at ALL cost.
He prefers a Carrier Empath like his previous girlfriend. I gave him a thousand times too much fuel. An overload.
Good afternoon, HG.
Apologies for the delay getting in touch. Back to the school ipad curriculum from today so I have been home-schooling and losing the will to live.
My query is do you think Narcs have any remorse? Are they capable of genuine regret? I read somewhere that none of you self-reflect.
To try and be concise, 2019 was a total shitstorm. I suspected something wasn’t ‘right’ as my husband was behaving in a very confusing way towards me. Blowing hot and cold. If I reflect back now, it could be described as devaluing and discarding ( now I know some of your Narc lingo).
At the beginning of this year, I discovered by chance a photo on social media of him at a school reunion. The date of the photo was November 2018. He hadn’t mentioned a thing about attending a school get- together. His school was in Nottingham. We live in the north west. He said he stayed with kin who still live in Nottinghamshire.
When asked about the secrecy, his answer was he didn’t think anybody needed to know.
I have since seen messages on Twitter of him asking strangers to meet him for a coffee because of their common interest in politics. again, when these messages were found he stated it was all innocent.
I am not a mug. I am an independent woman who has always had my own money and career so I was pretty adamant from the moment these sneaky and secretive discoveries were a final nail in the coffin.
I have found a lovely flat in a really nice area. I can’t move into it yet because of lockdown but I have dropped some personal possessions off there and introduced myself to the neighbours. I have taken 2 of my 3 children there to have a look. It is quite exciting although very sad ( because I took my vows seriously). My confusion now is how my ex is behaving.
He has had a full-on meltdown. He has been burdening our 15 yr old with all his tales of woe and emotionally manipulating her. She is an empath too and extremely caring and sensitive so it is draining her. I am really angry that he is using her like this, picking her brain to get information. She told me he was sobbing yesterday in what was our joint bedroom ( I have been on the couch since January 2020) and saying ‘What’s the point?’ and she was asking him if he intending on committing suicide!!! What a twisted mind would have a 15 yr old shouldering that sort of burden??? Sick.
Most bizarre to me is that all his behaviour in the run up to this stated very clearly he was not happy in our marriage. So I am giving him what he wants. Turns out he is still not happy. It is like dealing with a toddler.
Please help me understand the cesspool that is the Narcissist’s mind.
There is no remorse. There is no regret.
Hello eternalflame48,
You will understand what he is doing and why after you understand Fuel and the three interactions with narcissists. He is not happy with his family and relationship with you because narcissists are not capable of being happy. Even brain scans of their brains show that their brains function differently than us so it isn’t something that can be fixed by our good deeds to them. He wasn’t happy but now that you are going to leave him you are wounding him and he has to assert control by stopping that. He will try manipulations to stop that. In the narcissists’ mind, the cessation of the relationship has to be in his terms always. It ends when he decides to, not when you decide to. That is why he is doing all of that stupid manipulations right now. He doesn’t care about you and your kids. He just wants to be in control of the situation.
Okay. Thank you Mommypino for that thorough response.
I can digest it with relative ease at the moment when it comes to how he sees me. 20 years of history. But is there no real ‘love’ ( in our normal, authentic sense of the word when we as parents, as humans, relate with our offspring when the sole intention is to do no harm) when it comes to narcissists and their children?
I just can’t get my head around how anyone could intentionally emotionally abuse children, particularly if you’re a parent to the abused. Surely they can’t be collateral damage?
I understand the control bit. They NEED to be the discarder. But to manipulate your children?
Thank you in advance for your response,
There’s no real love for them eternalflame48. If their brains do not process love for others it cannot cherry pick to love their kids and not love everybody else. They have no attachments and no empathy for everyone. Some of their behaviors can appear as an expression of love and care but the driving motivations behind those behaviors are not loving and caring. Children are objects to narcissists just like everyone else. Sometimes they even see their own children as competition. Right now he is using your daughter to control the situation. This article gives insight on what narcissists think about children:
https://narcsite.com/2016/07/05/offspring/
There are also memes that HG created about children of narcissists called Little ACONS which you can find through the search bar. It is very difficult to coparent with narcissists as they don’t have the best interest of the child in their hearts at all. My mother was a narcissist and I was never her priority, obtaining control was always her number one priority.
It is hard to get our heads around how narcissists treat their children because it isn’t normal. When I had kids I couldn’t wrap my head around how my mom treated me and the things that she did because I would not even come close to being able to do those things to my kids. It helped me have a first hand understanding of how disordered the narcissist parenting is.
I hope that I was able to help somehow. HG also has a co-parenting consultation that you can try if you want. He also has all kinds of free articles that give insight about narcissists as parents. It is a very difficult situation you are in and I know that more than anything you want to protect your daughter.
Eternalflame48, I forgot to add that narcissists use different kinds of manipulations and a lot of those manipulations are instinctive. From what you have described, it sounds like he is a Mid Ranger which means his manipulations are largely instinctive in nature. He is not aware of what he is doing. In his mind, he probably do not realize that he is emotionally abusing his children. But because of his lack of empathy he doesn’t realize the gravity of the effect he is causing to his children. All that he cares about is getting what he wants which is control. So he is not necessarily intentionally emotionally abusing his children.
Wow. Thanks so much for all that informed insight, Mommypino. You clearly know your stuff & so I will search for more info with the prompts you have given me. Very much appreciated. Knowledge is power.
XX
Thank you eternalflame48. I have been here for more than a year now so I have learned so much from HG since I first discovered this blog. I still have a lot more to learn but my life is already in order now and peaceful so I can take my time on that now. I wish you all the best and don’t hesitate to post questions in the comments section when you have one. Either HG or some of the commenters will help you. And you are very welcome!! XX
Mommypino ( & HG),
I have just read the article you included in your reply ( Offspring) so thank you for the heads-up.
Sad to read that you have had a traumatic childhood event too, HG. Some adults/parents just need a metaphorical bullet. Where’s Villanelle when we need her?
Eternalflame
MP has got it. I just wanted to add a few points incase you might have missed them.
The sobbing on the bed is a pity play. It was designed to be witnessed by, dur durrr! An Empath.
He sees no distinction in his mind between age of Empath, or relation to them or age level appropriateness.
I percieve there is FOG still there for you. The longer the formal goes on for the more dense it becomes as you eternally twist yourself in knots trying to explain the unexplainable. This is entirely understandable. I know precisely how you feel because I had a 18 year with a MRN. Slightly different to you. He would never have pulled the suicide manipulation.
That is one hell of a big Power Play. And an utterly huge one to.play on both you and your daughter. But it is just a manipulation. Just that. And I say that as a suicide survivor myself. Its despicable and yes, one attempted it on me too. Thst ended badly for him.
Forgive me if I’m wrong but I suspect you’ve told him its over. It matters not if you havnt. Narcs have an uncanny ability to sense when fuel is about to sail off into the sunset. Hence why he is trying to get information. And now his behaviours are getting stunningly bad.
Now at this time when you are planning your escape is the most dangerous time. Expect anything and everything. I guarantee he will be in all your tech. Locking it down will make him even more suspicious. And then you have your children, who will be utterly divided and conflicted in their loyalties.
So my advice is keep on reading. There is so much in the archives. I’m sure the narcachivist K will help you. Sorry, I’m rubbish at that!
A consult will undoubtedly help. Your Emothing Thinking (ET) will be running high. Understandable.
I’m so sorry this has happened. But know this; you are absolutly doing the right thing. We all have one life. The most important thing is that you are protecting yourself and your children. Well done you! Many dont get that far. So put any resemblence of guilt to bed
Above all, and I’m sure you have done this is to get the revenue streams detached. That again poses dangers as I have delineated above.
Wish you well. Hope, as Hg says, is a bitch. You now plan. You’ve made the biggest descion already.
Keep on posting. There are many wise heads on here.
Thank you for that. I moved out on the 1st July 2020 and am loving my new life where I can breathe clean Narc-free air. Unfortunately there are still many problems with reference to my children as he still manipulates them in his twisted game to harm me.
HG,
I do need to ask for some genuine & constructive advice about my situation but I will message you tomorrow so I can articulate myself more succinctly with a clearer head ( if you don’t mind – thank you in advance).
I do think the photo of a germ on my profile page was a bit uncalled for, though ( lol)
Laughing through the tears.
I look forward to assisting you.
LOL I had to look twice when I saw the new profile pics they are hideous 🤭😅
I signed up for Word Press just so I could pick my own. I liked my original scowling green gravatar because it reminded me of Buttercup, my favorite PowerPuff Girl, but that microbe thing had to go.
Awww buttercup that’s so cute !! 😍😁.
Lol absolutely.
I rather hope I’am not a Empath but I’am obviously not a normal . I can identify with the Magnet Empath and Super Empath but then again I have BPD . I think I’am ready next month to find out 😂
HG my latest Emotional Thinking is very sad.
I believe narcissism and psychopathy happens when the baby is left to cry and feels abandoned. The baby feels emotion just like us. The baby is so loving and the baby feels hurt and pain and loneliness. It needs to detach, because of the pain. The pain is too much to bear.
And now I have suddenly abandoned the Somatic when he felt safe and content. At least he doesn’t attach HG. Too painful. That mechanism was destroyed long ago. I have destroyed his trust further. One of his only companions 😢
That’s just ET isn’t it. All he wanted was to control me right. But humans are complicated. The Narc is not black and white.
Whitney
Lovely you did the right thing. I’m in exactly the same position as you now but that’s my ET going too.
Remember the writing, ‘In the end it has to hurt?’
You could be right on psycopathy though by the way.
What are you going through Renarde <3
Yes it has to hurt. I wish they could accept our love. It would be heaven on earth.
Whitney
I was in NC with the MME. I had 20 odd months of being treated like a Queen. He owes me money but not a great deal but it was significant to where I am in my situation.
Today I caved. After a good 8 weeks of NC. The reason was because my money hadnt appeared. I had another ex who ripped me off by thousands. I was determined that this wouldnt happen again. I need every penny.
So we talked and exchanged what has happened to us both. He reassured me that I would get my money.
Of course, I (in the middle of an ER), did he regret not being with me?
‘Oh yes and no’
[Sit on the fence, why dont you? Typical MR reaction. Got splinters on yer bum, yet?]
‘We had good times’, he said.
[GOOD TIMES! Empathy? Lack of? I loved this man]
‘Oh no, my words are wrong’
[You said it, sunshine.]
I ask, ‘Where do we go from here?’ (ER now well underway. I’m in tears. He made it sound like everything we had, the way he treated me was just ‘a jolly’. Of course it was)
‘Yes, we can be friends but it wont be like it was before’
How FUCKING DARE HE. I made it clear, that he was pushing me into the friend zone. He knew I loved him.
He got told. ‘No, we cannot be friends and moreover, I know what you will do, you will attempt to hook up with ne for the inevitable ‘booty call’.
‘Oh no, I won’t! I dont play mind games’
FUCKING LIAR.
You raise the point Whitney, why cannot they accept our love?
This is SUCH a good point. They can’t because they are barely human.
They also do it because in the words of PT Barnum, ‘There is a sucker born every minute’. There is a near endless supply of Empaths who are willing to ‘Give a sucker an even break’.
This afternoon, I’ve never felt this more keenly. I have not been able to stop crying. Mostly because of my own stupidity. I know better than this and even now, I couldn’t stop myself.
NOTHING about the GP was real. Nothing. Just like it is for you. Its horrible.
I’m sure HG is rolling his eyes at this. I wanted this man so badly NOT to be a N. But he was. It took so long for me to be able to trust him.
Keep well Whitney 💛 x
I’am so sad reading Whitney and Renarde comments I hope the two off you will feel better soon and at peace , we can’t change our personality , or way off thinking that fast it been us for decades. Never forget they are addicted to their own mental disease . They do not trust us thats why they create the illusion to keep us trapped , its just an mirage .
Stay blessed 🤗
SoL
Your words are both kind and prescient. In this last week, I have finally found my peace of mind.
I now know where I am going and it’s going to be frickin awesome! I’ve finally, after decades of trying, stepped into my own power.
I am not so arrogant to say that nothing will ever touch me again because it will. But I look to my blessings. Of which there are many.
I cried yesterday because the Universe revealed AGAIN to me how this shit works. That’s my contagion.
You are correct. Ns are addicted to control. The MME attempted to control me yesterday. I cried because he attempted to do it. There was no need. No need at all.
They want our love but love does not work that way. Love, true love can never be controlled.
A wise man said to me, ‘what is love?’
I replied, ‘It just is. It’s like asking a person who has been blind from birth to describe the colour pink’
You are awesome SoL in your compassion.
Keep on fighting the good fight x
Renarde:
But sometimes they can. Samuel Johnson thought it was insane when a man blind from birth described “red” as being like the sound of a trumpet, but he was absolutely right. (Orangey reds, not crimson. Crimson feels like velvet even when it isn’t.)
Vi
That is a fair point but they can never see it. Ever.
I’m still really fucking mad at myself. It is so true that narcs operate in the now. Well, he would have felt powerful for a moment. Just a moment.
Then he is back to someone who hasn’t got anything like the opportunities I have.
I need to hold fast to what I believe in. Which right now is logic.
Renarde I’am so happy that you are in great spirit again and so strong look how fast you found yourself again 🥂. Your journey will be as awesome as you are kick rocks to the MME 😁. Yes we may slip again once in a while but never near to where we came from .
Good one :
A wise man said to me, ‘what is love?’
I replied, ‘It just is. It’s like asking a person who has been blind from birth to describe the colour pink’
🤗🤗
SoL
Thank you my lovely. Yes I mis-stepped. I can see how desperatly he wants me in ‘his network’ but that aint going to happen.
What can he offer me that I cannot get myself? Nothing. He has no job, no prospects, wrong side of 50.
I slid by him the concept of ‘future faking’. I explained this naturally. At one point I said ‘Hello? Empathy?’ and he readily acknowledged he did not have it. He has said this before..
Fuck him. Living off his kiddy fiddling fathers’ money. The brother BTW won’t have anything to do with his Dad. Brothers’ partner asked about why Dad had done bird and Dad smirked. (MIDDLE!). Brother lamped him one in front of the entire family.
Good on him.
Yes he was a very good shag but there are far more important things in this world such as kindness, generosity, charity and love.
I wonder who that wise man could have been???
Whitney, it is complicated. With my narcissist mom I was never able to see it as black and white. And in so many ways I see in her the child that was let down by the people who she relied on for safety and security.
You are correct, that mechanism to attach has been destroyed long ago. Even their brain scans prove it. There is nothing that can be done. But we have to remember that their brains are wired differently from us. We cannot understand them by projecting our characteristics to them. They don’t grieve a lost relationship like we do. We have to use what HG teaches us as a guide always. Stay strong and sending you positive thoughts.💕
I am Geyser Empath from my Detector Test and I can identify with a lot of the characteristics here except for the histrionic part. I tend to be more expressive than most people but I am not someone who creates a scene. I do not want to get that kind of attention so even when I am really upset I do hold it back and confront the person privately (which is not possible here in this blog). Another reason why I had a hard time identifying with the histrionic part is because the narcissists I knew are the ones who are really histrionic where their expressions are exaggerated, their voices are louder and they are often very animated and sexually suggestive in their body language which totally makes me appear plain. Geysers are expressive not because we are attention seekers but because we are prone to sudden emotional outbursts which calms down also.
The characteristic that I can identify here the most is the ability to bounce back. This is the Geyser’s resilience. I can have a tragedy happen to me and I would be devastated and after I am able to cry out that intense emotional turmoil and get some sleep, I would wake up and think about things in a calmer way, reflect, and come up with plans on how to tackle the problem and make things better.
I have been called a weakling by a narcissist whom I trusted and made me cry when I got blindsided by her criticisms in front of people. I am actually an incredibly strong person who has survived so much stuff and even thrives in very hard circumstances. But I can appear weak when I am unable to hold back tears because of an overwhelming burst of emotion since a lot of people see that as a sign weakness.
aww that’s beautiful MP you sound lovely xxx
Thank you! 🥰
Your positivity and resilience is because of your inner strength MP 💖 Soft on the outside and strong on the inside.
Thank you Whitney my Geyser sister 💞. We are like jellyfish, soft and beautiful but has a really ugly sting!! ⚡️ They better not mess with us Geysers lol.
MP
Love that analogy!
MP, a geyser empath! I know they can bounce back very quickly. They don’t/won’t hold a grudge like some of the Es. Did you say once you were a co-dep somewhere on the blog? Perhaps I got that information mixed up with someone else. Pretty sure my 10year/old is a GE also.
Hello Narc Noob, thank you! Maybe you have read my old comments where I thought that I have a co-d in me or that I may be a co-d. My husband said no way and it turns out he was right when I did my detector. I’m a Standard with significant minority SE. But I have a very small Martyr in my cadre which is probably what made me think that I am a Co-D. My cadres are majority Geyser with Carrier and some Saviour and a little Martyr. I don’t hold grudges unless the person never apologized and repeatedly transgresses or I see that the behavior is repeated on other people and there is no remorse or empathy whatsoever and instead continue to smear you or ostracize you. I am the one who disengaged from all of the narcissists in my life so there is a limit to a Geyser’s ability to forgive. When someone is rotten to you they belong to the trash. Geysers also have an amazing ability to wound narcissists when they see that we are able to bounce back to our naturally happy self after we got rid of them.
I bet your ten year old is adorable. My three year old shows a lot of Geyser too and her expressions always make us laugh. That’s another thing, Geysers are cute so narcs are pathologically jealous of us. 💁♀️
Thanks MP for your reply. I wondered about your comment above about you being the one to disengage from the Ns you have encountered. What about those you were close to who have a spouse or significant other that were narcissists? Did you disengage with them, also?
Narc Noob, no I haven’t. I have only disengaged from narcissists who were repeatedly abusive to me. With my narcissist mom I did not fully disengaged but I kept my distance although I still supported her financially and kept in touch regularly to know if she was ok. There was also one narcissist where the disengagement was because me relocating to another country.
Thank you for your answer MP. I think maybe I didn’t communicate what I was trying to ask you properly?
What I mean is, usually there are other significant others, (who end up being the narcissists) connected to those we choose as our friendship group. I.e. our best friend could has a partner who is a mid-ranger. A family member who is married to a lesser. I’m assuming that in order to GOSO and NC, we must cut of people who are not the problem?
Sorry NarcNoob, I wasn’t very clear with the way I answered you. I have only disengaged with narcissists who have been abusive of me. I have not disengaged with narcissists who are not, for example, one of my closest friends in this country is living with what I suspect to be a narcissist. Both of them are our friends although I am much closer to her. Both of them are godparents of our kids. I am not 💯 sure that he is a narc but their interactions from what I have observed and what she has told me makes me believe it. I have also told her about HG and one time he got her so upset that she exclaimed to me that he is a narcissist, that he is what HG talks about. I don’t know if she reads this blog or knows who I am here but I have told her about this blog. He is not physically abusive to her and she has chosen to stay with him. I have not disengaged from her because I don’t see a reason to. I am only a secondary source to him and painted white if he is really a narcissist.
I appreciate your time and efforts with addressing my concern.
Stay safe MP, talk soon xo
Thank you Narc noob! I try although because English is my second language sometimes I have a hard time. Take care! 💕
Mommypino you are you!
Let your geyser fountain.
Let others underestimate you, you know your strength and weaknesses.
I think it’s incredibly admirable to overcome adversity quickly and with grace.
Fuck that narc!
Haha thank you Presque Vu ❣️
I haven’t seen that Narc in a long time. She was a Co-worker from my first job.
Unfuck them all. They ain’t worth a fuck. Even telling them to go fuck themselves is a waste of time, because that’s usually their favorite partner anyway.
I have unfucked her a long time ago. I was very young and naive at that time and it was my first job. I just mentioned what she said to point out that Geysers are mistaken for being weak especially by narcs but we are actually very strong people. I don’t even have the interest to look her up. I have no feelings towards her and her words are obviously misguided so it means nothing to me.
HG the God, Narcissists love to harass me at my shop. I’m there by myself so of course they notice and are drawn to me. Narcissist customers, delivery contactors, other business owners, people walking by etc. It’s a waste of my time. I’m short with them, HG. If it’s a customer I’m polite but direct, not much fuel. I just like to be left alone.
Whitney, the article says that Geysers shine brighter. That’s probably why we are constantly targeted!
My favorite cadre!! This is the cadre to be! Not that I’m biased. 😎
The Geyser finds you much funnier than you will ever find us when we finally see what you Narcs are – lonely and alone.
You might be in company now, even next week/month/year – but you’re ultimately lonely and alone. With Yourself. And that ain’t much. Shit company. Shittier than shit.
You love the attention, don’t you Mr Tudor? Thank you for much more than you can ever know. Have a nice life.
It does not concern me in the slightest, but it clearly concerns you.
Now now that’s what I mean.
I do have a genuine concern.
That concern is that your site presumably was started by yourself to help those who have been the ‘victims’ of narcissistic abuse by teaching us how you – a narcissist – thinks. This would presumably increase our awareness and teach us better ‘skills’ to help us do things better in the future so we stop being abused. You are imparting your ‘ elite’ knowledge – and sometimes charging a fee…
Yet on here there seems to be more hero-worship and followers acting like flying monkeys. Some are even refering to you as God or King on here ( it wasn’t lost on me either that you chose Tudor as a psuedonym) Bizarre.
Yet you have clearly stated yourself that narcissism is a PERSONALITY DISORDER so there is nothing to worship. You are ill. Yes? Even if it suits your needs to continue to behave as you do, you still have a personality disorder and us, as empaths, need to learn how to distance ourselves from all narcissists to survive and thrive.
1. The site was created to build my legacy and also allow people access to accurate information (for once) about narcissism, rather than the incomplete, incorrect and often downright dangerous information that persists on the internet. This will enable people to finally understand and achieve freedom, the testimonials and emails that I receive demonstrate its efficacy. Yes, I sometimes charge a fee, like many experts and I also provide a massive amount of information at no cost and dedicate substantial time at no cost also to the machinery and content of my work.
2. Your second paragraph is inaccurate. “More hero worship” Yes, there are those who worship me in their own way, they are very few in number so to write “more” is inaccurate, they do so from a very safe distance, they are continents away from me and do not know who I am. The majority here are courteous and respectful which is the way this place operates so it is a constructive forum for learning and discussion. Your comment about flying monkeys demonstrates a lack of understanding about what those actually are, there is material written about that which you may find of interest and certainly of use.
3. They are not worshipping the disorder, they are grateful for the understanding that my work has given them. No, I am not ill, I have a disorder. Cancer is an illness, measles is an illness, being a narcissistic psychopath is labelled a disorder as I fall outside of the majority behaviours. My work is all about telling people how to distance themselves from narcissists, but in order to achieve that, this requires a degree of arms length interaction with me. You will not know this but I do get people consulting with me who WANT to interact more with the narcissist, want to know how they can control the narcissist, how they can make the narcissist do what they want to do and every single time I strenuously advise against doing that because it will fail and is contrary to their interests.
Blimey. That was a comprehensive reply. I appreciate the time & energy you put into it. Thanks.
So you are a narcissistic psychopath? That is a mental illness. With the greatest respect HG, you cannot twist this one. Cancer is a physiological illness. Measles is a virus. Narcissism is a mental health disorder.
Those last few sentences are mind-blowing. Why would you want to school people in how to control a narcissist, especially if it goes against everything you know about what narcissists do to people? Not only do they destroy ( or try to) their partners sanity but they will do it to their children too. They will break the spirits of their own offspring and not lose a wink of fucking sleep.
Teach your followers to run faster, Guru Tudor. And in the opposite direction.
You are welcome.
I am not twisting it, no, it is not an illness, it is a disorder. Narcissism and psychopathy are disorders, not illnesses.
I do not school people in how to control a narcissist, perhaps you misread what I wrote or perhaps you have expressed yourself a little clumsily and you meant to ask “why would someone want to learn how to control a narcissist?” If that was what you meant, there are two answers to that.
1. The individual seeking the advice is a narcissist and does not see it, they think they are the victim. Their need for control manifests as wanting to control the “narcissist” (who might be one or more usually is the True Victim). This does occasionally happen but is rare.
2. The individual has very high emotional thinking and does not understand narcissism and therefore thinks (often as a consequence of the terrible misinformation that is written about narcissism – usually by narcissists who do not realise what they are) that you can somehow coexist successfully with a narcissist, that you can control an outcome with the narcissist in your favour, that you can make the narcissist do what you want. You cannot ad you should never want to achieve these aims. I ALWAYS advocate and advise total no contact, some people still will not do it and want to know what will happen if they try to control the narcissist, I tell them because they have paid for the service and therefore they are entitled to the answer but I never recommend they take that course of action.
I do tell my readers to implement and maintain no contact, that is why I repeatedly refer to GOSO.
Okay. Thank you for another comprehensive reply. I understand I am coming across as very confrontational. In my defence, 20 years is a long time with a narcissists ( and if feels like another 20 years in quarantine) so I don’t really like any of you. And that is being polite. Apologies.
I have no issue with you not liking me or my kind and I also understand why that is the case, that does not trouble me. I do have an issue with accuracy and therefore will address that.
EF48
Welcome. Many of us arrived here feeling exactly as you do currently and that had changed nothing about our situations. On the other hand – being open to new information and sticking around a bit to allow for a more informed decision has for some. I’ll even say most. Always your choice.
Hello eternalflame48,
HG teaches us “Once you know, you go” and “Get Out Stay Out”. If you read his comments towards many commenters here in the blog, you will see that he is perfectly consistent with that.
I don’t worship him but I am grateful to the clarity that his work gave me. I will forever be grateful for how the information that he has provided changed my life for the better. I was finally able to permanently disengage from my adult stepdaughters without guilt after realizing what they are. For almost ten years I have been online researching in support forums for stepmoms about how to make your step kids like you and I have tried every advice written and nothing helped. Now I know it’s because I wasn’t dealing with normal people.
I don’t believe that anyone her worships him, some people banter and use humor. When someone calls HG a god, I just assume that the person is being partly humorous and partly demonstrative of affection for HG which most of us naturally have to some degree because of the way he has helped us. Some of the people here are not religious as well so I add that to how I look at that.
Thank you MP.
You’re welcome HG! Just keeping it real. 👍
Okay. Fair enough. Thanks for your insight.
eternalflame48,
“Why would you want to school people in how to control a narcissist, especially if it goes against everything you know about what narcissists do to people?”
As HG clarified for you in his reply, he always advocates No Contact and GOSO.
But if people *ask* for alternative information, he will provide it.
I recall consulting with HG with regard to my mother because I was interested in maintaining low level ongoing contact with her. He explained the risks of doing this but – because I asked for the information – he also gave me specific instructions on the best way to maintain the level of contact that I wanted.
At the same time he warned how difficult it is for an empath to not get pulled in to more involvement.
He gave me the answers that I asked for. However, later and of my own accord, I chose to go no contact with my mother because that was the best choice for my own well-being.
Fair enough.
What–wait–we’re not supposed to deify him?
I worship HG on a daily basis at a tasteful shrine to him erected in my living room!
(Apologies to Dave Barry. This is from his famous retraction to Neil Diamond fans after he had received death threats for making fun of “I Am…I Said.”)
EternalFlame:
On a more serious note, most of my worst abuse by Narcissists was in the past, but it took me a lot longer to work through it than it would have if I’d had Narcsite. I moved halfway across the country for grad school to get away from memories of “That Guy,” finally asked mutual acquaintances not to mention him to me or me to him, when I realized a grad committee member was reminding me of certain elementary school teachers, I changed committee chairs (unfortunately, I couldn’t get her off the committee altogether, and those who did graduated sooner, confidence intact, and got good positions). I did all this on instinct, but I did not know what I was dealing with, and I still wondered, “Why the hell do they always zero in on me?” and hated myself for apparently sending out human bullseye signals. Was it because I had been diagnosed hyper as a kid (which had way more of a stigma then)? Could people smell it, no matter how I tried to to pass as Normal? Why had the elementary teachers and the committee member focussed on my admitted social awkwardness, while ignoring others who were openly rude to instructors as well as other students?
I eventually read most of the usual sources, including Martha Stout (meh), James Fallon (better), a memoir about bring stalked (interesting, but not entirely relevant: I had hang-up calls that could have been the work of three different people, but nothing really terrifying).
Nothing entirely clicked until I found narcsite. There weren’t abstract descriptions of gaslighting: there were monologues with phrases I’d heard. Instead of just noting that Narcissists will disguise control as concern, there were “Isolation” and “Overwhelming Angels.” I knew these people. Perhaps this approach worked particularly well for me because of my background in literature and theatre: these were characters, not just concepts.
Most of all, there was no blame. HG has said more than once that while we may have to change what we do, we neither can nor should change what we are. I have found that nowhere else.
So yeah, I’m grateful to the guy with the pale blue woolen socks and the scent of Creed Viking. If I met him, I might not even fancy him romantically, despite the awesome voice; I don’t usually go for upscale guys. (Wanna-Be Playuh-Narc who broke my heart was a grunge-era cliche, complete with ponytail, three-day stubble, and plaid flannel shirts, rather than a preppie or a yuppie.) But I’m less frightened of the work narcs I’ll undoubtedly be encountering when quarantine is over. This is a thing, not just my weird life, and there are coping strategies. Given the comments I’ve seen from people dealing with situations I’ve not encountered, such as custody battles or property division, they found similar strategies here.
My advice is to look at Amazon or Goodreads reviews, including negative ones. I did before I ever ordered anything, and saw some complaints about lack of proofreading or too much repetition, but nobody said the stuff didn’t work or the content was not as described. Nobody said they’d paid for a consult and either didn’t get it or thought it was bullshit.
If you’re worried that feedback here is biased, then look at other review sites. There are people who disagree with HG’s ideas, but I have not found one who gave any evidence it was a rip-off. Which is more than I can say for a lot of the self-help books I consulted before I found narcsite.
Sorry for long post, but I don’t want anyone to go through all the bewilderment and self-doubt I had, when I was basically taught that even if I hadn’t done anything, my “attitude” meant I deserved whatever happened. Basically, I was accused of Thoughtcrime.
Thank you Violetta, that is appreciated. In short, my work, works.
Enjoying this convo between eternalflame and HG. Sometimes things don’t add up. My feelings and intuition do sometimes serve me where words do not.
Leaving…..(looks behind with a hopeful glance) 😄
Narc noob – “Enjoying this convo between eternalflame and HG.” Agreed. I appreciate that HG went to great lengths to give comprehensive answers.
Thank you WC.
Finally something sensible here…thank you eternalflame48
Hello eternalflame, not sure how much you have read on the blog but it’s totally understandable you’d have some concerns. However, if you read a lot… you will see that HG advocates for GOSO… it is more usually us (the empaths) that feel afraid to really take that step and implement it properly. I am NOT a worshipper, I occasionally feel at battle with myself regarding my own past history with a particular narcissist and I come here to read to remain on track and remain no contact.
Good luck to you becoming narc free. It’s a tough internal battle with ourselves but it can be done. We need to each find our own strengths and ultimately decide what is going to best for us (which a lot of us are not very good at identifying – as we rarely focus on our own needs constantly obsessed with what the narc is doing ) switch your focus to yourself… take what information works well for you and apply it to your own life.
All the best.
Hg
I’m not sure which I hate the most ‘Nice’ or ‘Love-Making’. Both anodyne in extremis.
I’m going with ‘Moist’.
Hi Renarde,
I don’t actually know which comment you were replying to or what exactly you are talking about, but I do agree with you. I also hate the word “nice” yet love the word “moist”! I fit that word into sentences whenever possible and it is the basis of many private jokes between myself and some male friends.
I have no opinion as to “love-making”. I’ll think about it.
njfilly
I’m sorry , my lovely. But in actual fact and I think you will find if not intellectually but physically, that most women find that word an abhorrence.
I somewhat respect your ability as women to accept this, well, I wouldnt even call it a word…but that is your right and priveledge.
To he honest, nothing would turn me off faster.
Oh I’m ‘moist’ downthere? Really?
‘And might I introduce you to my good friend. Alex. The Axe?’
‘Love-Making’ also needs to be introduced to Alex.
Poor job. Really?
Renarde,
Well, obviously I can’t and don’t speak for most women. I have no idea what women like, to be honest.
What do you mean by Alex? I don’t understand.
Ha ha!
Alex ‘The Axe’.
I protect myself because obviously the Police are the ‘The thin Blue Line’ which have been stretched to thin for years.
Who cares? I certainly don’t any longer any longer.
I trust my brain and my gut. Its about time Empaths started standing up for themselves
You know, we dont have to accept this. We really don’t you know.
We are at war.
I’m sorry, but I still don’t understand who Alex the axe is.
Alex is the Axe whom I keep by by door
Oh I see. I hope you never have to use it.
Moist doesn’t annoy me nearly as much as “damp.” Moist could be a chocolate cake. Damp is a basement.
Anybody else want to engage in Levels of Hydration Confession?
Hg
A ‘hydroniation confession’?
Whut? Are are you are member of the Water Board? (Sadly RIP).
Get your hygrometer at the ready. Measure the Specific Gravitational Mass.
What is this? A Home Brewery Site?
Be about your business, Sir!
And a very good day!
Ha ha! That’s very funny! Yes I agree. I don’t think “damp” and “moist” are interchangeable in every circumstance.
Vi
Damp is even worse.
My Gawds that’s awful.
What can they say. Even I’m confused now hahahs
Now why do think the call for “hydration confessions” is a warning to quit now, rather than an invitation for more wet words?
Because it came from me.
I’m not sure what you are referring to but that seems like an invitation to me.
OMG I hate you Renarde. “Moist” I could FEEL and HEAR it when I read it. LOL
I think we all recoil at ‘Moist’.
It is a TERRIBLE word. And if I could, I’d have it stricken, forthwith, from the OED.
What a pussy.
Hg
But ‘moist’ tho’?
Also not sure why I can’t reply to your other comment below, but as to “Explained he had his eyes tested and apparently he could see many more frequencies of light than the person in the street.” My N said the same exact thing. Very strange how similar they all are.
BlackCoffee
Anything and everything will be said to put themselves out of the reach of us ‘mere mortals’.
Its actually fully hilarious how transparent they are. And I mean that in all senses.
This is how I see it. When I was a teenager, there used to me a thing called ‘Magic eye photographs,’. Perhaps you remember those?
I could never see it. Just a miasma of colours. Until one day, I got board of hearing that my bro and PN could describe the picture they were seeing.
Defiant me said, bollocks to this. What if I remove a sheet of glass from one of the pictures on my wall and then attempt to look at it.
It took a while. Moving my head in all directions before I saw the image.
Then I saw it.
I removed the glass then.i saw it again. I’d learned the trick, you see.
To my mind, HGs writing is a lot like this. My metaphor is clumsily but it still stands.
Once you see the truth you cannot help but seeing it.
Hope this helps.
Renarde:
I hated those things. Also the View-Master stereoscope, which some people still had when I was a kid.
Turns out my eyes don’t focus together. Wasn’t diagnosed until I was in grad school. No wonder I was horrible at most sports involving a ball, except field hockey, because I was sideways! No wonder my gymnastics coach sneered at me after a routine because I “wasn’t looking at the bar,” even though I’d made all my catches. I tried it again looking at the high bar, and whacked my wrist solidly on the mount (which was off a mini-tramp over the low bar). Tried it again: missed the bar entirely. Coach walks away, shaking his head over how weird I am, then one of the all-arounds asks me how I did it before.
“I think I was looking off to the side.”
“Do it how you did it.”
I do, and make the catch.
She says, “If that’s how you do it, that’s how you do it.”
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is one of many reasons I detest one-size-fits-all course designs such as the new administration at F.U. imposed on us. Not everybody is a visual thinker. Some gymnasts rely on spatial memory; some grad students need verbal connections, not their freakin’ Synthesis Matrix.
Since we’re on the subject, some people recovering from narc abuse need conversations with recognizable phrases. Others find details in illustrations suddenly make an idea click.
Why does a self-proclaimed Narcissist understand different learning styles better than many institutes of “higher” education? I can’t count the number of people I’ve encountered who believe that “helping” means your neurology has to be wired just like theirs.
Okay, rant of the day over.
Vi
No rant recognised. Intresting observations.
I admire you because I would have loved to be a gymnast. I used to get up to all sorts when I was up to ten.
I couldn’t stop moving from the minute I could walk. I’d go over my head all the time. Tipplying, it was called. I couldnt stop.
Both my kids never did it and believe me, I was ready for it.
I think I might be quite bizarre.
I used to go bonkers. I dearly wanted to be that or be a ballet dancer.
Old stuff. Anyway, the men seem to like it!
Yep
This is me. School: majority standard with some contagion
Cadre: Geyser (majority), Martyr (minority)
So other than the obvious when I get a little squirrelly you know why
😂😩😀😳🥳🧐🤨
Just the 2 cadres?
bc30.
Schools in order of percentage:
Standard, Contagion, Super, Co-D
Cadres in order of percentage:
Geyser, Martyr, Magnet
Everyone should get the ED! I didn’t think I was a Geyser or SE, but now that I know everything makes much more sense… especially being a cadre total hybrid.
My Contagion is not as high, but sometimes I watch videos of people (men) putting on those colorblindness correction sunglasses just to cry with them and get it out with happy tears.
bc30,
Can you explain hybrid cadre? Not sure I ever saw anything about that.
Glad the ED cleared up things for you. My Geyser did not really surprise me but the Contagion really explained a lot as to why I am sometimes fearful to watch a scene in a movie due to my anxiety levels rising….and it is not a scary movie. I for sure can not watch those…LOL
I’m Total Hybrid, representation from all cadres.
Blackcoffee
Ohh, I saw something similar to this once too.
He wore yellow glasses to explain to me how he needed them for driving.
Yeah man, good way to go if you want your retinas burned out! You only use yellow glasses if there are low light levels in a dark place. The prime example of this is, for me, mountain biking in woods were there is low light.
What a tit. Explained he had his eyes tested and apparently he could see many more frequencies of light than the person in the street.
And as he drove away. I was somewhat disturbed by his lack of knowledge. I explained to him that his explanation of why he was wrong, but that didnt accord with him. This is to do with absorption and how we percieve colour.
It was a schtick. Designed to draw sympathy.
On the first night he seduced me, he went on at length about an area of Physics I knew perhaps a little more than he did.
I asked him to explain it again. A few times actually before concluding this man knows nothing about my field.
Still shagged him though.
The Victim was STRONG with this one! He was a Som though.
And people wonder why I am a cynical bitch.
Oh My F**KING GOD!!!
LOVE WILL KILL YOU!
Throw that line of Horse shit as far from you as you can, NEVER let it touch you.
If someone said “I love you” to me…they would have to have their jaw wired shut for a while.
With a Scorpion like reflex it would happen so fast, the infected human would never see it coming.
I can only hope they are wearing a mask when they say it.
‘If someone said “I love you” to me…they would have to have their jaw wired shut for a while.’
I think they, and you, are pretty safe from such a possibility.
You’d be amazed how many spit out those words, without knowing what they mean and without thinking about it; it’s done more than I say “Fucking Hate”… it’s apt to happen. Very apt to happen.
That’s not a window; that’s a mirror.
Thought you’d like to know.
What do I care if you are looking at yourself?
“ What do I care if you are looking at yourself?”
I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways 🎶 🎵
As Willow said in that episode of Buffy, “Bored now.”