A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 10




You have been outed by H.G. Tudor.  Yes, you fooled me for 42 years.  I thought most of your behavior was caused by the fact that you are a recovering alcoholic even though you have not had a drink in over 30 years.  At times, I thought you were also a sex addict, but now I know you are an alcoholic narcissist.

HG has opened my eyes.  I could not understand why you would devalue me to be with a “recovering” bipolar drug addict that has used heroin, meth, and any other form of mood altering drug available.  She has also had sex, according to you, with quite a few other men even though she is married and has two teenage children.  I understand the attraction since she is very attractive and 40 years younger than yourself, but I guess you were just desperate since your older IPSS had died suddenly one month before you found your druggie girlfriend.  (I am sure you were seeing the older IPSS before you ever met me.  That is why you wanted to keep the fact that we were getting married quiet until after the ceremony. And I doubt you ever stopped seeing her even after she brought a gun to our house after our daughter found nude pictures of her in your work shed.)

When I met you, you had 3 ex-wives, a car, a child, and a child support payment.  At least you did have a job.  You probably kept the job because all of the little people working under you who gave you fuel.

What I do not understand is how you were able to be tolerable for almost 40 years before you met your newest IPSS?  This woman may also be a lesser narcissist based on some of the behavior you have described.  Maybe you have met your match, as you seem to jump when she says “jump”.  I understand that you do not want your friends in your 12 step program to know what you and your druggie have been doing for the past 2.5 years.  You would not want them to know about the nude pictures she sends you or what you really do when you meet to “discuss the 12 step program”.

I am your “constant”, and I doubt you will leave.  My current goals are to keep my sanity, be able to sleep at night, protect my assets, and outlive you so I can have my life back.

Yes, I have made a few good decisions.  The first one was to keep my finances separate from yours when you were still drinking.  You hate that, I know, because you complain about it often.  The second good decision was to only have one child, even though you wanted more.  I put that child through college by myself.  I know, you say I could not have done it if you had not helped pay part of the expenses like health insurance, but I have paid more than my share over the years.

Now I know you wanted children for all the wrong reasons.  Too bad you have so little interest in them, but you have plenty of time to message and talk on the phone with your druggie girlfriend.

You should be ashamed  for using a 12 step program as an excuse to be involved with this person.    I am sure there have been others, like one of your former employees who “talks trash” about you and transferred out of your department after you “helped her get sober”.  You also were asked to leave you job because your last secretary accused you of “sexual harassment” after you tried to “help her get sober” even though she did not want to stop drinking.  While I was working two jobs, you were driving around with her and hiding Viagra under your car seat.

Now, I understand why you kept going to your first wife’s house even though you could not stand her.

I know you lie to me all of the time.  Do you think I would lie to you to survive?

9 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 10

  1. NarcAngel says:

    Re: isolation

    Sexting by smoke signal might lose some effect, but I’m sure an Ultra could still manage smouldering to 3 alarm fire.

  2. DrHouse says:

    Hg, you once wrote that sex addicts are narcs(npd) All of them?
    Are all drug/alcohol addicts narcissists (npd)?
    Do you have an addiction?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. Yes.
      2. Not necessarily (see Cheers! The Narcissist and Alcohol.)
      3. Yes, control and fuel.

      1. DrHouse says:

        How come sex addicts are all narcs? I don’t understand this?

        So fuel, is a real thing? How would you feel if you would be locked up in lighthouse in the middle of nowhere with no outside world contact for let’s say 1 year?
        Do you believe that you could go cold turkey in a way to recover? Like an addict that collapses and hits rock bottom?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          1. Sex is fuel, they are addicted to the fuel, not the sex, they just think it is an addiction to sex (which is actually a form of blame shifting – “I cannot help cheating on you darling, I am sex addict, I have no control over where I put my dick.”
          2. Yes it is a “real thing”.
          3. I would use my mobile phone, the internet, morse code using the light of the light house to communicate with another light house and naturally escape. I have got away from more difficult places that a light house.
          4. No, that is a misconception. There is no recovery, this is what we are. See Fuel and Fury to understand more.

          1. DrHouse says:

            Hg, thanks. I meant complete isolation. No technology, nothing. An island in the middle of nowhere.
            Have you ever seen a narc collapse? And I mean real collapse , when is suicide an option?

          2. HG Tudor says:

            1. That would cause a fuel crisis.
            2. Yes.
            3. A fuel crisis could cause suicide.

          3. Alexissmith2016 says:

            Have you ever seen a narc collapse.Yes.

            Can you write about this please.

  3. santaann1964 says:

    Interesting but painful letter.

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