Inanimate Appliance



I have a fascination for inanimate objects. Show me a beautiful watch with its intricate mechanism on display and I shall sit transfixed for a long time admiring the craftsmanship in this creation. I like to touch one of my favourite suits relishing the sensation of the cloth. I will hold it up pleased with the way it hangs and then of course admire how I wear it in the mirror. A sculpture, a painting, a car or a piece of jewellery. They all invite my admiration. They are items of beauty and superiority and as such firmly belong in my world. Moreover, they do exactly what I want. I love my dishwasher. It always works. I press the buttons and it obeys my commands, quietly churning away as it removes the residue from the expensive crockery. The glassware comes out shining, without streaks or marks. Each and every time. Objects are reliable. They perform as I require them to perform. I love nothing more than an appliance. It complies, it obeys and it delivers. I love possessions.

I love to possess you and make you an inanimate object. That is how I see you. You are an appliance which I expect to do as I demand.You are but an extension of me, placed here to carry out my demands and whims. I like to attach brand names to my ex-girlfriends. Becky was Zanussi – she was good at science, thus she was the appliance of science. Sarah was Nike since I had to tell her to Just Do It.(she called me Burger King – have it your way, I quite liked her).Another was Energizer as she kept going and going and going (but that’s another tale). I like to think I am Tag Heuer (Success. It’s a Mind Game).I objectify everybody and assess how they can be a good appliance to me. Once that is done I have to acquire the appliance. I have possession of you and you must act as I dictate. All my other possessions do, so why should you be any different?

24 thoughts on “Inanimate Appliance

  1. heloiseandabelarde says:

    Such interesting comments! Would add that ex-n told me about a dream he had where he was trying to fix a lamp, and when he finally came up with the solution and the light came on and shone, it was just the most erotic thing to him…he said once “I want to know what buttons to push to turn you on”…

    In another of his dreams someone had stolen his tools. He went frenetic trying to locate them and finally found he had them all along. What would Dr. HG say about that one?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I would say, I am not a doctor.

      I do not dream either.

      1. heloiseandabelarde says:

        Point taken.

    2. NarcAngel says:

      The dream appears quite literal – the guy is a tool. Jesus, even when they dream it’s all about them.

      1. FYC says:

        It is not a conscious defense, so it seems only natural dreams would accord with the defense. We empaths have to guard our light switch around those who would seek to drain our light.

      2. heloiseandabelarde says:


  2. FYC says:

    The other day I received a new appliance that replaced one that had stopped functioning properly. I really liked the old appliance when it was new and it served me well for a long time, but, when it stopped functioning properly, I knew it was time for a change. I looked around for a new appliance to replace the old one. I did my research, read the reviews and decided upon a different brand. This fabulous new and improved model offered even more of what I enjoy. In fairness, both appliances, old and new, perform/ed the same function. Yet wow! The new appliance is *so* amazing! It’s really stylish and produces even more of exactly what I need in less time, with less effort. Gone are the days lackluster performance as the old appliance noisily labored to perform its function. The new appliance is whisper quiet and incredibly efficient. I am thrilled with the new appliance. I look forward to using it every day. It is a fantastic acquisition. I’ve all but forgotten about what came before this new appliance.

    Suddenly, it struck me — this is exactly how HG experiences people! I understood his use of this comparison before, but not in this way. Now I can relate on a whole new level. I am so happy I do not feel this way about people, but if I did not experience love, connection, friendship, and more, I would no doubt feel as HG does.

    A few more slogans for consideration:

    HG = There is no substitute (Porsche)

    N = Beauty outside. Beast inside. (Mac Pro)
    N = The art of performance (Jaguar)
    N = The relentless pursuit of perfection (Lexus)

    E = Pleasing people the world over (Holiday Inn)
    E = Open happiness (Coke)
    E = We try harder (Avis)

    ET = Is it in you? (Gaterade)
    LT = Think different (Apple)

    GOSO = It’s everywhere you want to be (VISA)
    NC = I’m lovin’ it! (McDonalds)
    Zero Impact = Life’s good (LG)

    KTN = Be the first to know (CNN)

    N Fuel = Good to the last drop (Maxwell House)
    N Negative Fuel = Mmm Mmm Good (Cambell’s)

    Golden Period = The happiest place on earth (Disneyland)
    Devaluation = When it rains, it pours (Morton Salt)
    Disengagement = The greatest tragedy is indifference (Red Cross)

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Very good on realisation and the suggestions thereafter , HG approves.

      1. FYC says:

        Thank you very much, HG.

    2. NarcAngel says:

      Wait until the new toaster starts take longer to toast or no longer browns evenly, the new coffee maker leaves grounds in your cup, and the new dishwasher leaves spots on your glassware. You will forget how happy you were when you brought them home. Then it will strike you about devaluation haha. I enjoyed your suggested chart.

      1. FYC says:

        NA, In answer to your line of thinking, I offer you the following inspired by by the writings of HG:

        I’ve had some less than fortunate experience with appliances. In fact, this is the 4th such appliance of the same kind. But, I’ve just been unlucky. One was too fragile. Another could not keep up with the frequent use. The last one seemed like it would go the distance, but it sadly faltered and complained and then stopped working. They all started with promise, but eventually let me down. Believe me though, this time I have found perfection! I just know it will last. The search if finally over. I am filled with the power to perform my daily task due to this highly effective appliance. Life is as it should be. Of course, one day, if it should fail me in its service, this appliance will meet the same fate at the prior 3 of its kind. I will be irritated with its lack of performance. I will voice my displeasure. It will get a firm tap on its side and top. I’ll speed it up and slow it down. I’ll resort to the former appliance if it is still lying around (at least until I can get a new one). And at last, if it does not respond to any these attempts to restore performance, I will give it the silent treatment as I drop it in the bin, all but forgotten.

        Sound familiar? I swear, I really get it now.

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Organizational guru Marie Kondo suggests when you purge items or objects that you thank them for their service before donating or discarding. I tried to picture HG doing this but all it resulted in was the sound of my own laughter.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            As soon as I was “organisational guru” I knew tripe lay ahead, NA!

          2. FYC says:

            NA, Hahaha. I am never going to discard you. Per Marie Kondo’s advice, you keep what sparks joy.

    3. K says:

      Hahahahaha…that was great FYC!

      1. FYC says:

        Thank you, K!

        1. K says:

          My pleasure FYC!

    4. Ashley says:

      Wow so creative, I love it!

      1. FYC says:

        Thank you, Ashley!

  3. blackcoffee30 says:

    I would believe that I am seen as merely an object were it not for the fact that I was (we are) sadistically tortured, unlike an actual appliance toaster or coffee maker that is not tortured. Ns know we are not objects.

    1. FYC says:

      Good point BC30, but I think they dismiss/reject any recognition of the same to avoid attachment/connection/accountability. Denial is a part of the defense.

      1. blackcoffee30 says:

        Correct, but they don’t get a pass from me. Many say that because we are seen as objects that they don’t really intend to hurt us. Bullshit. They know we are human. They mimic our empathy and understand it cognitively, yet they choose to seek negative fuel.

    2. Violetta says:

      Maybe it’s like Han Solo whacking the dashboard of the Millennium Falcon to get it started?

  4. Pingback: Inanimate Appliance ⋆ NarcTopia

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous article

Cross Pollution

Next article

Getting Out!