Love Letter : Using The Love Devotee Trait Against The Target
I have always used the love letter as a method of building my connections with my target. I first started at school when one would write a short note and pass it across the class to the object of one’s affection. With a sideways glance I would watch as she would open the piece of paper up and smile before nudging her friend sat besides her and both would look my way with a smile and a giggle. Ah, from such acorns did my prowess with the billet-doux grow.
Those early ‘romances’ which in truth lasted little more than a month or so before we moved on to someone else gave way to the first proper girlfriend and then more meaningful correspondences sprang up. I remember during the Easter holidays in my penultimate year at school I engaged in an exchange of letters with a young lady who lived in a village a little way from where I lived. She would write a letter and I would receive it the next day. I immediately wrote a reply and she would receive it the next day. Back and forth our letters went. Of course we had no such thing as Instant Messenger or text messages. E-mail was in its infancy and was certainly not something that was used from home. I remember she wrote on light green paper placed inside a green envelope. It certainly stood our when it arrived on the doormat in the morning. I of course responded by writing (no use of typewriter or word processor back then) on crisp white paper of a decent thickness which would be folded into a third and inserted into an envelope. I still have her letters along with all of the others that I have received. Once in a while I will lift the box from on top of the wardrobe and sit and rifle through the contents. I have no real interest in the content or returning to those moments, I usually do it in front of my current partner in order to provoke a reaction from her.
Those early letters exchanged that Easter began as exchanges about what we had been doing each day, talking about other friends and then began a mild flirtation. We ended up as girlfriend and boyfriend after the letter writing. This earned me considerable kudos with my peers since the girl in question was held up as one of the most desirable in the year (although looking back I suspect much of that was to do with the fact that she arrived in our first year well-developed for her age). I recall when we went to watch a film at the cinema on of our dates she told me,
“You are not my usual type. I usually go for older boys but I loved what you wrote to me. Nobody has done that before.”
Whilst I cannot of course lay claim to be the only person who has written a love letter, it became apparent that it had become something of a dying art. I do not mean silly notes in class or something that resembles little more than an extract from a diary. Instead I am referring to the sweeping, grand, romantic proclamations of love and desire. Vulgarity is not allowed in this poetic pieces of literature, instead should one wish to express a physical need for coupling then the application of euphemism and analogy came to the fore.
I honed my craft corresponding with girlfriends from university. Invariably we came from different parts of the country and therefore during holidays we wrote to one another. I used this as an opportunity to sharpen my skills and polish my prose. The upshot was that thereafter although there was no real need to write to one another (we lived in the same place or even together) the production of a love letter left on a pillow or placed by a prepared breakfast on the dining table worked magically as a method of seduction.
I had a template of about five differing types of letter and have used them on several different ladies. I would copy them word for word with suitable alterations mutatis mutandis to cater for differences in appearance or demeanour. These crafted missives were powerful indeed. They created strong connections between my target and I. The content was such the lady in question would always be swept off her feet and of course when those loving words became barbed and thorny, she would retreat to where she kept them and weep over the beauty contained in those first letters. Knowing that these letters would be clutched in a shaking hand as the tears rolled down her cheeks however weeks down the line was edifying indeed.
I still use them. In a world governed by technology, text speak and the immediacy of communication, the provision of a hand-written billet-doux has a tremendous effect.
45 thoughts on “Love Letter : Using The Love Devotee Trait Against The Target”
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It’s currently taking all the self control I can muster not to send my ex back his love letter card with a few dot points to include in his trophy box of love letters from all the women he made fall for him, but who then in some way all wronged him.
Burn it, impose no contact.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Means nothing if it’s illegible ! 📝🔎
😂
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Bubbles, how true!
Yesterday, I watched a bit of the Sherlock Holmes with Jeremy Brett and I was paying more attention to him in his role. He was a very good Sherlock Holmes.
I’ve been thinking about you and wondering how you are doing 🙂 xx
I agree that the hand-written billet-doux is the ultimate class.
Around the end of February, about a week after I arrived here, I went out for a drink (coffee, really) with someone I had known a little for several years but had only seen again recently, because I had to return a book that he had lent me. I was feeling miserable, had gone no-contact with the N for a few days only.
I spent the afternoon with this person, and later that evening, I got a love letter from him in the form of an e-mail. It left me dumbfounded. Firstly because I was not expecting this from him, and secondly because I saw a few red flags that I had been reading about here: he claimed to have loved me for a long time but was only now professing his love to me, claimed to have a spiritual connection with me… To cut a long story short, as I was not in the least interested in him, in this instance I could see the red flags.
I replied that I wanted us to be friends and nothing more, but he still insisted on his “hopes” for the future. Then he engaged in what I would now call ‘future faking’; he talked of taking me to museums, sharing with me pieces that he had written… And I haven’t heard from him since the beginning of lockdown. Not that I want to anyway.
I also thought that a profession of love through e-mail was not classy at all. In his case, I do not think a hand-written letter would have changed anything to my not being interested, but at least I would have held him in higher esteem for it.
Well, what do you know! Two days after I wrote my previous post, I got an e-mail from that man, after 3 months of silence. He is emerging from his hideaway now that lockdown is almost over – and he tells me his hideway was his ex’s home. How alluring. He had said he was terrified of the virus, so he ran back to ‘mummy’. Also keeps talking of his procrastination – he probably thinks it makes him sound like a decadent aristocrat.
He tried to impress me with his high-brow political analysis of the situation, and he doesn’t even realise he sounds like an armchair revolutionary.
He says he would be happy to hear from me, wants to see me again, and says he kisses me, at the end of the e-mail.
I sum up: Future Faking, pretending to have loved me for a long time, claim of a spiritual connection, silent treatment whereas the Internet and phones were not on lockdown, victim mentality, going back to live with the ex (but lockdown may have proved fatal so he gets in touch again), thinks he can get in touch again after 3 months without explanation and sounds so sure I will swoon = entitlement. Clear lack of respect.
Too many unpleasant signs, some red flags in my opinion: not good enough even for a friendship. So I will not reply at all – which to me requires an effort.
I am really chuffed with myself that I can see some red flags and anyway recognise unpleasant behaviours for what they are, and NOT excuse them anymore.
All thanks to narcsite.
I really hope you can maintain that effort, Fiddleress <3
The contact will have impacted you, regardless of the red flags. Great that you can see them, and support is here if you should need it.
Good point about the phones, etc, not being on lockdown. That is a very poor excuse indeed.
And the gall of him to come back to you now, seemingly not even wondering how you were doing during the lockdown.
Running back to the ex? I guess that's a kind of hoover if she was willing to have him.
I hope you stay safe and narc free xox
Thank you, lickemtomorrow.
You are probably right to say it has impacted me (a little) – though I did not think so – or I wouldn’t have mentioned it here.
What impacted me was not the person it came from, but the fact that someone, anyone, AGAIN could think it was perfectly all right to behave like this towards me. It annoys me, because it is as if I was still giving out signals saying “you are welcome to treat me as you wish, namely like an arsehole”. That’s what bothers me.
So I hope the only reason why he thought he could do this is because when he saw me in February, I was extremely vulnerable (on account of someone else), and he must have sensed it.
I said it was an effort not to reply to him, because I always prefer to let people know where I stand and for things to be clear. I feel that I am being rude if I just ignore them. I am learning to accept that with some people, it just isn’t worthwhile.
But he as a person is not important to me, so it’s really all about my own opinion of myself!
Of course he thinks it is “perfectly all right to behave like this towards” you.
He is a Narc.
Hi Fiddleress, I think I understand your annoyance at someone thinking it is OK to treat you that way. It is not OK, and your response to that is normal and to be commended. This, to me, is where the fightback begins. Recognition. That behaviour is not OK. I will not tolerate being left on the shelf at your whim, to be picked up again when you decide.
I also understand the difficulty in not sending a reply. When you are a communicator, and especially if you have something to say, you have a natural inclination to get things off your chest. There is also the knee jerk reaction of politeness in responding, which the majority of us are trained to do. It is well ingrained. If HG has hit anything on the head in relation to NC, this is one of those things for me. It is nigh on impossible, due to the nature of the empath and our responsiveness to others, not to respond when contact is made. It is one of the hardest things to do, but I also know from your previous posts, you have been able to do this before (in relation to your mother) You have been tested and come through that refining fire. Sometimes it helps to remember that.
It sounds like you are on the right track in terms of your thinking, and getting further good advice here. In a previous post elsewhere, I said at the first sign of trouble in my situation I would come running back here. I’m so glad you came here to share that.with us.
Thinking of you, and take care xoxox
lickemtomorrow, thank you for everything you wrote.
This is indeed how it felt, as you say: “the fightback begins”.
After writing here yesterday, I went back to listening to HG’s analysis of my Trait Detector, and heard again that my ET will hijack my narc trait of Pride, making me think: “How dare anyone treat me this way!” Haha! Exactly how I reacted (again, as I had before). So there is still my pride, but at least I have managed to keep my trait of argumentativeness and the empathic trait of truthseeker in check, since those are the traits that wanted me to reply to him (if only to tell him I didn’t want to hear from him again, but that is what I did with the last one, and it led nowhere. At least I’ve learnt this lesson).
And you are absolutely right about coming here to share when something troubles us.
I hope you are doing well, and that the pain is subsiding little by little.
You take care too.
Fiddleress.
Bravo on recognizing the signs. But the question is why are you not NC and dont have to worry about his stories any more?
Just wondering……………….
Hello Kim e
He really does not matter to me. I actually thought he wouldn’t get in touch with me again, and I can’t block e-mails altogether – I can make sure they go to the spam folder, but I still check that folder as some e-mails I want to receive still go there from time to time, at that address.
Also, it was this last e-mail that confirmed what I suspected. And yes, I have blocked his phone number. And I will simply delete future e-mails from him, if any, without reading them, now.
Fidderess
Well yes he does matter to you in an ET kinda way or you would block him everywhere.
Your ET will eventually have you look at the emails whether they are in the spam mail box or the regular in box.
Following the advise of HG….NC is the only why to get your ET to lower.
Just my opinion. You are the only one that can commit to it
Not your opinion Kim, you are practising what I preach. HG approves
Yes, I agree, kim e. I am committed to lower my ET every way I can. I have blocked him on the phone, and ‘spam’ is as much as I can do with e-mail. There are no other places to block since they are non existent. And I know where not to go in order to avoid seeing him, but I didn’t intend to go back to that place anyway.
Thank you for your concern, I appreciate it. You are right to emphasize this.
Kim e
I have to thank you again for what you wrote to me, because I continued to think about it, and came up with a solution: I have emptied my e-mail box and folders (transfered what I wanted to keep) where I received the e-mails I mentioned, and have let all the people I want to keep in touch with, know what other e-mail address to use. So I am never going back to that box again, no need to. It will shut down too.
One more unpleasant person/highly likely narc gone for good.
Fiddleress
Now I know how HG feels when one of us get it. This made me very happy to read.
Welcome to NC🌹🌹🌹
Kim e approves ❤️❤️❤️
No one has ever written me a love letter 🥺 haha I would have wanted one!!
I’d say where are all the romantics, but I’m not sure we want them anymore!
Take care, Ashley <3
❤❤❤
A variation on a theme here but PN used to send my mum first day covers when they were courting. A first day cover is when the commemorative stamps are issued every month, now you must be quick here, you can buy the matching commemorative envelope. Love letter enclosed, and he did have beautiful copper-plate. Then orf to the post office to ensure the stamps would have the frank of that day.
Quite the endeavour! And there were a number of these. I used to look at them as a child thinking, Dad must love Mum.
I must admit, that was quite the feat. The old rogue!
I’ve kept all mine too. Just in case. The ones from the UMS in the early days were really very intriguing. As Hg says, it cemented matters very quickly
His writing though was bloody appalling!
HG really charming…not
Mmm a note to the ex narc (actually he won’t ever receive it) – I give you my terms – silence – forever
Thanks HG – I cannot even fathom where my head was when I tolerated all this narc nonsense
But all good – your my weapon of choice should I ever need to stand on any battleground 🙂
“I still use them. In a world governed by technology, text speak and the immediacy of communication, the provision of a hand-written billet-doux has a tremendous effect.”
It is a way of being physically present which beats online communications any day.
That you have taken the time to sit and write in longhand, buy the postage stamp and send the letter. I’m sure that is how it would be perceived. Not to mention the lovely words contained therein. All a ruse, of course.
I have pored over letters from the Civil War. The tremendous sense of relief that was felt, joy that was brought, and reassurance given in those letters was next to none. The men lived for them. Those letters sustained them. And, I’m sure, vice versa. For the men in the field, far from home, they had an extraordinary impact. I’m sure the same could be said for the majority of wars. There will never be anything more romantic than some of those letters and their contents. Even ones sent home from hardened Generals. Oh my, the flowery speech of the era, coupled with chivalry, makes these letters hard to beat.
Letter writing due to distance was the norm then, of course. And there is no need to go back that far to make the receipt of a hand written letter now even more intriguing and enthralling. Definitely a way to maximize the seduction. But, in this case, for all the wrong reasons.
I think you mean second to none, not next to none.
Have it your way, HG 🙂
Those words just flowed as I typed, but second to none is probably what I meant to say.
(Maybe I was thinking ‘next to nothing’ … how would I use that in a sentence?)
Your move!
lickemtomorrow
You now have me intrigued about those civil war letters!
I struggle to read a Victorian hand though.
If you love words and language, Renarde, they truly do bring home many aspects of the war. From those who were virtually illiterate, to those who had the beauty of prose at their fingertips. So moving at times either way. They give you an insight into the person as the thoughts shared are so personal. And I think this is the impact of the love letters HG speaks of, too. They are meant for you. It is personal correspondence. It is addressed to you. It has your name on it. No one else is supposed to open that letter. Men during the Civil War, at times, would destroy their personal correspondence so the enemy could not take a hold of it. It was too precious in their eyes and as much as they wanted to hold on to it, for all it meant to them so far from home, they could not bear to think of their loved one and those most precious thoughts to be exposed to the enemy. That just goes to highlight the impact of the letters HG is mentioning here. Their importance, even still, or maybe even more so now as they have become so rare. And the other thing is, for a man to express his thoughts in this manner is highly desirable and not often seen. Where back in the day men had no other way to communicate their love/affection, these days we have all manner of communicating. Much of it impersonal. A man need make little effort to share his thoughts via online media … we’re all at our keyboards day in day out whether in the office on desktops, at home on laptops, using our phones, etc. It’s all within easy reach. To sit deliberately and take a pen, form the words, choose the paper, fold and seal the contents in an envelope, find a stamp, visit the post office … it all requires effort which we’re often not wont to bother with these days. There is no need. I can see how a letter would form a spectacular form of seduction both now, and then.
HG is definitely on to something here 😉
lisk
Oh yes, he is. There is something deeply personal about this. Of course, back in the day, we took all of this for granted. Now it is a rare beast indeed.
I think, well for me, it ended roughly ’97 ish. I’ve never had a written, male correspondence with since.
In many respects males and females of our generation, so say roughly in our mid forties, are largely, the last ones.
That is a hell of a thing. We have lived through that. To paraphrase from Margaret Mitchell, it is a society that has ‘Gone with the Wind’. I’m sure you understand the thrust of this brilliant novel.
If a man was to compose his love letters, his billet-doux, I would frankly laugh.
I’d far rather have one that said, ‘I’d like to rodger you senseless. Oh, and wear the AP’ At least that would be honest.
Which is far more than a lot of men I have known have been.
I am with you Renarde. There is a reason Whitman wiped out the Victorians.
I would rather read Drum Taps.
Bibi
You have me boggled on this. Can you explain my lovely?
Renarde:
I meant in terms of poetry in the US, how his free verse and style was a drastic shift from the Victorian influence up until that time. I didn’t mean wipe out completely.
Nothing wrong with Victorian. I admit I was being flippant.
Not at at all Bibi, my lovely. I just dont understand cursive, Victorian script.
Renarde:
Wait til.you see Elizabethan Secretary. There’s a document that supposedly demonstrated the Earl of Essex’s guilt, but I don’t know how they could tell it wasn’t his grocery list or directions to Lord Bumblefuck’s kegger.
I can deal with medieval monkish hands, even with the abbreviations and the obsession with keeping minims (curved tops of letters) all the same size, but not this shit.
Vi
Is that a film? Or a book?
Renarde:
It’s a script, like Palmer hand or the blackletter so beloved of reenactors. Elizabeth Tudor’s iconic signature with its trademark squiggles is nothing like how people wrote when they were in a hurry.
Blackletter from a psalter, which I find easy to read:
https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn%3AANd9GcTDwJ-s2YNjgdu47Nu-_OJM7bASLMCPL2bZlYi_iC2JZ4Cub7gC&usqp=CAU
A letter from Essex, though maybe not the incriminating one. I don’t know, because the only word I recognize is “bring” about a third down:
https://c8.alamy.com/comp/A4JHGN/letter-from-robert-devereux-earl-of-essex-to-william-cecil-1st-july-A4JHGN.jpg
Vi
Thankyou! I will study it!
The narc I dated used this technique as well, extremely effective on me. Huge turn on.
However, I’ll never look at a love letter the same again. I did not keep the ones he wrote me… but I have this book “The Love Letters of Great Men” (your letters should be in there HG! Haha) anyways…. it used to make me feel warm and cozy whilst in a long term relationship I wasn’t really happy in….
Now I pretty much just want to burn it… because what it should be called is “The Love Letters of Greater Narcissits – a warning guide for empaths”.
“The Love Letters of Great Men” (your letters should be in there HG! Haha)”
Definitely! Who wouldn’t love to see one of those … even a tiny peek at one of the five templates.
That sounds like a really interesting book. It would be easy for an empath to sink into, I’m sure.
Oh yes, back then men were poets, far away from their lovers due to war, politics etc. I used to like to curl up with it… but now if I try all I can think is… Run away empath… Run !! He tells lies haha.
And yes, I wouldn’t mind hearing a line from the template HG !
Empath 007, is that the book Carrie is reading in bed (while wearing a nightgown and a pearl necklace at the same time, but that’s a different story) in the film on Sex and the City? I remember she was using it for research for one of her books and it’s an important part of the plot. As a love devotee myself, I have always loved love declarations of this kind. My narc was quite rudimentary though.
Yes SP, there are many different versions of the book, the one I own does have the Beethoven letter with the famous quote “ever mine, ever thine, ever ours” (I’m going off memory I may have that wrong). Sex and the City, while one of my favourite shows… is still a part of the narrative that confuses women, as Carrie contiunally goes back to Big and it’s viewed as romantic instead of problematic. Although I don’t think Carries character is an empath.. so many of us grew up thinking the narcissistic dynamic was romantic and what Love is supposed to look like. Thankfully that narrative is starting to change.
It’s good you didn’t receive letters in a way. I threw all mine away and I don’t remember the contents of most anymore. I know what they look like now…. and I don’t intend on falling for it ever again.
Thank you, Empath007. I didn’t remember the lines, just the fact she had a similar book. Big is a haughty, pompous prick. I never liked the show for the love relations though. To me it was the friendship. I miss having a group of girlfriends that I go to have brunch with or to dance or going shopping. I used to have that in my original country but not in America. Anyway I would rather have love letters than dick pics tbh.
Haha ! I’ve never received a dick pic in my life and I hope it stays that way. I prefer the love letter approach too. But I don’t really ever want one again. I’m sort of over the “fantasy”. I’m open to love but feel I have a lot of work to do on myself before entering the dating world again. I’m happy to be in a relationship with myself.