This Time It Will Work

 

THIS-TIME-IT-WILL-WORK

When you first come into my sights, when you appear between those crosshairs and I sense your empathic qualities, your adherence to the traits which make you so attractive to me, I am filled with optimism. I have spoken on many occasions about my need to extract fuel on a daily basis. This ritual necessitates the acquisition of someone who will be my primary source and then a whole host of secondary and tertiary sources who are drawn from friends, family, strangers, colleagues and so forth. It is a ceaseless task but one which I am built for, one I have been designed for and one which I will always apply myself to.

I prefer to conserve my energies and that is why I live in hope that this time the person that I have targeted will be the one who will not let me down. On this occasion I have found the person who will be my primary source so that I never have to embark on the devaluation of this person because they have failed in their obligation to provide me with fuel. Many people may regard me as prejudicial person and it is true that I pre-judge people, but only ever do so on the basis of satisfactory evidence.

I look for the necessary traits in how you interact with others, the things that you say and what you do. I watch carefully before I make my move. When I see the very things which I cherish and require for the purposes of gathering fuel, I experience an elation. There is excitement and anticipation. Mostly it is because of the fuel which I hope to gather from you, that delicious and golden fuel which super charges me, invigorates me and provides me with the power to sail through life charming and attracting. However, my excitement is not all based on the anticipation of tasting your fuel. No, a significant part of my anticipation is borne out of the fact that you might just be the one.

You could be that person who does not let me down. You could be the one who finally provides me with such sweet fuel that I never have to go elsewhere for a primary supply. I cannot give up my supplementary sources as they are a reserve and a contingency for when I am not able to draw my main fuel from you as my primary source. This is not because I have cast you aside or because you have committed that treacherous act of escaping me and instigating no contact. Not at all. The reserve is required because owing to various factors I cannot be by your side every hour of day or in some form of contact with you to this extent.

This means that much as I delight in your sweet, sweet fuel, I am forced to obtain it elsewhere and this is from those supplementary sources. It is you however that I still look to for the best fuel. You who I look to in order to provide me with the most fuel and to do so with comforting regularity. I want this fuel from just one primary source. You seem to think that I revel in the abuse that I dole out when I devalue my primary source victim, but I do not. It may look that way, a side effect of the power that courses through me as I drink deep of that negative fuel but in truth I would much rather never have to go down that route.

I would prefer that you continue to pump out that positive fuel to such an extent that it always remains satisfactory for me. I want you to be the one that is always there, reliable, dependable and magnificent in the production of your fuel. You would benefit too. There would be no awful abuse as devaluation takes place. There would be no mystifying discard (mystifying to you at least – it makes perfect sense to me) and then I would not even have to go to the trouble of applying various types of hoover in order to bring you back to me.

Imagine avoiding all of that and remaining in the glorious golden period of seduction the whole time? I know how much you love that. I have seen it in your eyes, I have seen you speak of it and of course I have seen how hard you have fought at times to recover it. You adore and worship the golden period and you can have that. You can have that all the time. All I ask of you is to keep providing me with that fuel at the potency and level that is appropriate and demanded. It cannot be too difficult for you can it? You once did it. You provided it brilliantly but then you let me down by not providing the quality I was used to.

You diminished the frequency and became unreliable, thus hurting me and that could not be countenanced. You had to be hurt in return. There was no hope for any other way. Imagine being able to avoid bringing all that horror on yourself as you keep doing what is necessary. You keep giving me my fuel at the prescribed level and in return you get to stay in the golden period forever. This is what I hope for too and you think that I am selfish. Not at all. We both win. You have the golden period and I have the golden fuel. This is what I hope for each time a new target presents itself and I begin my work to consider moving to the seduction of this target.

I am filled with hope, I am filled with optimism that this time, just for once, you will keep on doing what I need and you will not let me down. No matter how many times this has happened in the past. No matter how many times I have been betrayed and hurt by the treasonable conduct of those who said, so many times, that they loved me and they always would, I have always continued to believe in the power and capacity that the next target may just be the one. I am not a bad person for believing in that way am I? I just want to find the right one for me. Just like you do.

You want to find the person that you will love for the rest of your life, I want to find the person whose fuel I will love for the rest of my life. Surely you can understand and appreciate that? Surely you must accept that such a notion is noble? Surely you understand why I always think that you might be the one. This time.

20 thoughts on “This Time It Will Work

  1. cadavera666 says:

    The last narc I dealt with has a new IPSS for the past 3 months I just found out. He’s 35 today as a matter of fact and has typically gone for younger than him. The new one will be 52 in 2 weeks and they are so lovey dovey on FB that I had to do a double take because she couldn’t possibly be talking about that extremely immature, rude as aget out, smear campaigning against me just days after he posted their relationship on FB, “David”, could she be? Sure enough, “he took down her walls and lit her soul on fire”. I don’t know her but we have 41 mutual friends and this includes the few who told me what a POS they think he is. Idk what they’re thinking about this new relationship, but I already feel bad for her. She seems well-liked and a decent person and I wish there was something I could do. This is the first time I’ve been in this position–watching it unfold and my hands are tied. She does live a couple of hours away which is a good thing and Idk how often she gets down here but how does one not feel bad knowing what’s in store? Or maybe I’m wrong and he just was an ass to me. I mean, it wasn’t but a week after we met in person before he started making rude comments and I think from start to finish it lasted about as long as they have but it was volatile and not lovey dovey like this at all. I wonder how long this will go on before the problems arise? I feel bad for him, too, even though he really did a lot of damage from Aug-Nov last year. It also makes me wonder when she entered the picture–as in was it last year or after my discard? Just curious to see how much this will follow the script so to speak. Like I said, I’ve never been in this position to watch it unfold and it bummed me out the past couple of days, I’ll admit. I do feel for her though and wonder how many others she’s been involved with. I can tell by her posts and memes that she’s an Empath and a spiritual type. I just wish I could do something to cut this shit off at the pass cuz she;s going to be devastated if he treats her anywhere near as bad as he did me.

  2. smarinucci1970 says:

    Yes Kim I agree with you, weaponized it seems now this is the only topic I really talk about but we are coming out of the woods in the supermarkets in the shopping centers , the neighborhood ,male-female old young it’s amazing how long this stuff has been going on, right from the beginning of time . I wish I had these answers years ago that H.G. PROVIDES . I wish I could have saved my poor mother but there’s a chance for us . No there won’t be any other ones OF THIS NATURE GETTING close in my life I’m slowly getting cold , the health problems are taking their toll they have been embedded years ago codependent mother psycho NARCISSIST father. .At least I could say MY HUSBAND did take care of me at least I knew no one was beating me up anymore but I’ll tell you the 45 years were very difficult not only all of that baggage but there was a 25-year discrepancy in our age I was so very young and he was God no wonder why I was chosen in my case I was groomed for it I have to be careful for the rest of my life , being SOMEONE who wants to see the good in everyone leaves me an open target . .⚘health problems stomach is a mess , hiatal hernia , esophagus is in bad shape , I don’t take pills of any kind when I had the two total hip replacements I got off of the drugs and morphine within 3 days .I don’t even take aspirin and now I have to take 5 different medications a day plus more surgeries to repair and another tumor .
    screwing up my everything.. but we are individuals that are all unique. I’M
    here to learn we’re here to help each other. I met a wonderful lady today that’s been through this with her husband her father and otherdifferent people . we’re both nurses ,I got her hooked on H. G. She’s very thankful as I am ,as you are, as most of us are ,take care of Kim bless your heart⚘

  3. karmicoverload says:

    These posts always make me feel deeply sad that there can be no way out for those with NPD.

  4. smarinucci1970 says:

    NO IT WON’T WORK THIS TIME ❗❗❗❗NO CONTACT IS THE ONLY WAY TO MAKE ANYTHING WORK FOR YOU
    I TRIED NO CONTACT 4 DIFFERENT OCCASIONS. , I SAW THE RED FLAGS. I KNEW HE WAS POISON BUT I TOLD MY SELF I CAN HANDLE THIS I’VE NEVER KNOW ANYONE BUT MY HUSBAND SINCE AGE 16 YEARS OLD AND HE BEING CEREBRAL CONTROLLED EVERY ASPECT OF MY LIFE FROM A VERY YOUNG AGE TO 61 YEARS OLD . UNTIL HE DIED ,AFTER TAKING CARE OF HIM MANY YEARS I WAS FREE . I COULD TALK LAUGH SING SHOP EAT SLEEP IN PEACE . BUT SOMEHOW A LESSER NEUROTIC WOMAN HATING NARCISSIST CAME ALONG TO WORK FOR US . SAW MY SADNESS TIREDNESS MY LOVELY ANIMALS MY HOME AND DECIDED TO BE AROUND FOR LATER NEED .I DIDNT NEED TO LOWER MY STANDARDS I NEEDED TO GET TO THE MARKET, CHURCH,VETS, I COULDN’T DRIVE MY OWN CAR HARDLY COULD WALK NEEDING .TWO TOTAL HIP REPLACEMENTS BADLY FOR MANY YEARS BUT HUBBY SAID (YOUR JOB IS TO TAKE CARE OF ME , GET YOURSELF DONE WHEN I’M GOME ). IT TOOK TEN YEARS TO BE GONE , BY THEN I JUST DIDNT CARE ABOUT ME , I STILL LOOKED GREAT AND SOMEHOW WORE HIGHHEALS DRESSED . WELL ..SO FOOL THE WORLD. THIS PERSON MADE ME THINK YOUNG FEEL SEXY AND LOOK FORWARD TO THE NEXT DAY .SEVERAL YEARS OF FEAR, BELLIGERENT ABUSE LOW SELF-ESTEEM AGAIN I NOW HAVE REALLY DONE . NO CONTACT , HE CERTAINLY IS NOT HANDLING IT WELL 35 VISITS TO MY WINDOWS DOORS ETCETERA 43 PHONE CALLS , IN JUST 4 DAYS .I ALMOST GAVE IN BUT NOW I WON’T BECAUSE I REMEMBERED WHAT HE SAID ONCE. I WILL DESTROY YOU . AND HE JUST STARTED WORKING FOR ME THEN . ALSO LATER. SAID SOMEBODY COULD COME HERE INJECT YOU WITH A NEEDLE KILL YOU AND NO ONE WOULD EVER KNOW .
    NOW THAT I’M DOING NO CONTACT .HE IS BEGGING FOR US TO HAVE A DATE NITE WITH DINNER DRINKS DANCING. LOVE. AT PRIVATE ESTATE WITH A LOVELY SCENIC VIEW,PONDS WITH NO ONE WITHIN SCREAMING DISTANCE. I WILL BE TORTURED MAYBE DISAPPEAR. BYE . NO CONTACT. NO CONTACT. H.G. TUDOR LISTEN TO HIM .HE .IS HERE TO HELP US POOR SLOBS WHO TRIED TO CHANGE AND LOVE THE .WRONG PEOPLE. SINCERELY SHARON 💪

    1. dollysupreme says:

      Please try and stay safe. Maybe best contact law enforcement and give them a heads up on the situation. You sound like you are at risk.

      1. DOLLYSUPR EME. YES YOU ARE RIGHT .I HAVE DONE THAT. . UNFORTUNATELY THIS PERSON DOESN’T CARE AND JUST SAT DOWN AND WANTED FOR AUTHORITY TO COME AFTER HIM ,BELIEVING I COULDN’T DO SUCH A THING BUT WE ALL HAVE OUR BREAKING POINT. BE SAFE. HOPEFULLY MY STORIES AND OTHERS CAN EDUCATE ONES GOING THROUGH THIS NONSENSE IN THE FUTURE. THANKS. DEAR .

        1. Renarde says:

          Sharon

          Dolly is right. You are in danger. And also, you cannot be in full no contact either because the Hoovers are being accepted.

          So you must, as priority today change all of your numbers. Change the locks on your doors. It’s entirely possible hes been in your tech too, so phone and laptop need a complete factory reset. You cannot take any chances.

          If you have a car, garage pronto. He may be tracking it. Fortunately, the battery life on a mobile GPS tracker is about two days.

          I have read about your poor health. I’m so sorry. That makes it even more vitally important that you do this.

          Rule of thumb. Lessers will Hoover verosiously in 48 hours. A middle could do up to two weeks. Lessers kill.

          Have you done a NDC yet? Do so. Then a consult.

          Well done on Police. Keep them appraised.

          The very big danger is that the lesser has developed a malignant obsession. Which means you are continually entering sphere 6. Through no fault of your own I might add.

          I honestly dont mean to scare you but right now I dont percieve you are seeing the danger.

          Keep talking. Please keep yourself safe.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Sharon, undertake a NDC first so you can establish the relevant school of narcissist. This will then provide you with the appropriate platform for determining the steps that need to be taken with regard to your no contact regime.
            Lessers have the capacity to kill more than other narcissists, but it is still unusual for it to happen, therefore IF the individual is a Lesser, this needs to be a consideration but do not allow the logic of CORRECT information to be obscured by emotional thinking seizing on inaccurate information. If he is the Mid-Range the risk of death further decreases. By understanding what you are actually dealing with, you will then be able to build the most effective no contact regime. If the narcissist cannot reach you (or it is very difficult) the risk naturally diminishes and with it, the fear and anxiety. You need accurate information for the purposes of the construction of your no contact regime.

          2. Renarde says:

            Hg and Sharon.

            Well that’s bang on Hg and no mistake!

            Also, in addition, do the EDC. But do the NDC first. That’s my advice.

            What is vitally important is that you do not live in fear. That is no way to live.

            Hg has said it all so no need to repeat.

            Physical violence on your own part must be mitigated. Because right now, with the circumstances you have delineated, must mean you must box clever.

            How long has the situation with the Lesser been going on for?

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Of course it is bang on, I wrote it.

          4. Renarde says:

            Ha ha! Yes you did.

        2. dollysupreme says:

          In the UK we have something called Claire’s law. You can request information from the police related to previous domestic violence convictions if they feel you are at risk they will hand over the information to help protect yourself. Not sure if they do that in the states, if that’s where you live? But I’d also use HG and figure out what type of Narc he is. The insight will help you to essentially predict and plan for what’s coming next. Don’t let this go on…..Your own mental health will suffer. And as HG has said before. We get exhausted by it……They don’t…..I hope you manage to secure a restraining order of some kind. Just another tip I was given. When in touch with the police, always use the phrase domestic violence. They understand that. They have little or any knowledge on narcissists and what they are capable of.

  5. blackcoffee30 says:

    I stumbled upon “Malcolm’s” dating profile. (Yes, I know HG warns against using those sites.) He has COVID facial hair in a profile picture, so despite having the shiny, new IPSS who dethroned me, he remains on the hunt. Maybe she’ll be The One.

    1. Violetta says:

      And there’ll be The One after that. And then The One after that.

      1. Kim e says:

        V and BC30
        And certainly dont forget about the one after that

        1. smarinucci1970 says:

          HOW ABOUT YOU ? HOW MANY NARC s HAVE THERE BEEN ?AND DO YOU EXPECT MORE ? KIM

          1. Kim e says:

            smarinucci1970
            There has only been one. Enough for a lifetime and I am still trying to get the asshole out of my head. Slowly but surely he is being evicted.
            Expect more? Hell no. Ready if more show up? I am getting weponized and will be ready.
            If I do happen to become ensnared again, at least I know what to come for help and support.
            How are you feeling? I was sorry to hear about your current health issues.

          2. Renarde says:

            Kim

            Getting the cunt out of your head is one of the hardest things any human can do.

            They trammel the brain. It’s like a well worn groove.

            I remember when a lesser did it to me. Jesus. 3 months off work and another 3 to properly recover. Half a year of my life wasted on a frankly disgusting waste of oxygen.

            I promise you that you will recover. You may percieve it won’t happen but it will. You will reach a point and then go, ahh! I understand.

            This is the complete dampening of your affective empathy. When that happens and it will, try not to get too giddy. It’s an awesome thing. Magical even. But it also has its dangers. Over confidence.

            The important point is that the grooves can be erased. You will never be the person you where before. I think actually that’s a good thing. You are going to be better.

            I hope this helps.

    2. Coffee54 says:

      If it is any condolence to you, may I add the perspective that you were dethroned from your seat beneath him (not beside him), in Hell. Not Heaven.

      1. blackcoffee30 says:

        Little did I know I was walking through hell, but I carried him. I didn’t know it and he still doesn’t know it. Good luck to her, I’m grateful to be free!!

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