To Have Not To Hold




You can have our kind but you cannot hold on to us. We will not permit it. We are the archetypal individuals who you can experience, you can love, enjoy, cherish and so many other things but the one thing you may not do is hold on to us.

We allow you to have us because what we give you is constructed and comes at no great cost to us. Instead it allows us to gain. By being generous with our supposed love, passionate with our words, highly desirable with our sexual prowess, charming, flattering and everything else which you associate with out love bombing of you, we want you to have it all. We want you to have all of our charm, our magnetism, our illusion. We want you to drown in it, become engulfed by the blazoning lights and soothing sounds, swamped by the seductive desire that we sweep across you like a tsunami. You can have it all because the more we give you, the more likely you will be carried away by this tidal wave of false love. The more sugar we pour over you, the sweeter the golden period and the greater your addiction to us becomes. Naturally,the extent of how much you can have of us is governed by our energy levels and our capacity for control, so that the experience is all the more fuller should you be ensnared by a Mid Ranger than a Lesser and many times more intense should you fall prey to a Greater.

You can have all of our time because it serves our purposes. All of our focus is yours, you get our near undivided attention as we pull out all the stops to seduce and conquer. You can have our financial resources as we spend money on you (even when we may not have the money to spend on you – incurring debt or using someone else’s resources) , take you to places, book interesting days out, tempting nights out and utilise financial muscle, whether ours or borrowed from  bank or devalued victim, in order to let you have the full on magical experience that is being seduced by us.

We will grant you access to our friends, which of course is just allowing the façade to wrap around you and convince you of our bona fides, our supportive and attractive coterie all so giving of their time to you, praising us and welcoming you.

We will allow you to have a route to all of our favourite things, although of course this is manufactured in order to actually allow you to attach to your favourite things as we mirror your likes, your desires and your hopes back at you, but it is still giving of us.

The Somatic and Elite cadres will allow you to have us physically as the weapon of mass seduction that is sex, is rolled our to delight you. You are apparently given access to our most intimate of levels, in a series of steamy and orgasmic encounters as we utilise our well-practised sexual skills in conjunction with the whole orchestrated seduction of you to create an intense and mesmerising experience.

We may move you in, a supposedly generous act as we allow you to have closeness and regular time with us, all engineered of course to maintain our façade of pleasantry and reliability as you are bound closer to us. In some instances we perhaps allow you to have what could be considered the ultimate act of ‘having’ as we give you our seed or our womb for the purposes of the creation of new life.

Yes, by allowing you to have so much of us, we create the image of someone who gives, someone who sacrifices, who thinks of you before we think of ourselves and thus you, understandably, fall for this and truly believe you have us. You do have us but it is for, in the scheme of things, a fleeting instance. A mere moment in vastness of time and for all of its wonder and brilliance, you are allowed to have us but you cannot hold us.

We cannot allow this to happen because we will turn matters around, in order to ensure that our hunger for fuel is addressed, in order to cater for our slavish devotion to the maintenance of superiority and in order to assert our right to do as we please, when we please, how we please and with whom we please.

You cannot hold us. You cannot keep us. We regard ourselves as that omnipotent force that is not beholden to boundaries, constraints and bondage. You have no say over what we do. You are not there to impose your rules on us, keep us in check or prevent us from seeking out what we need in order to maintain our existence. Indeed, the prevention of you keeping us is material in ensuring that the threat of our departure is something that keeps you working hard to please us,to provide that fuel, be it positive or negative and to allow us to keep you just where we want you. We can keep a hold of you of course, that is the nature of the narcissistic covenant, but as usual, what applies to you will not apply to us and vice versa.

We make the decisions. We choose. We execute and operate. We are not there to be bound to one person and especially one which will invariably fail us. We consider ourselves as beyond such things and therefore the notions of faithfulness, fidelity and monogamy are cast out as evicted tenants from the House of Narc.

We want you to try to hold on to us, that is part of our game playing. We want you to strive to keep us, to exert your every waking moment to clinging on to us but it can never happen. We are programmed to reject that desire to keep us as you want us to be. There is no hope for it to happen, but we will give you that false hope, through the respite periods and the periodic resumption of the golden period. You are led to believe that you have managed to keep us, that you can continue to have us and to hold us, but it will not last and it cannot last because the concept of being beholden to you and just you will ultimately run contrary to our needs and as you are well-acquainted with the idea now, our needs must always come first.

We decide when we come back, we decide when the false love is shown to you again, we decide when you get to see us, get to speak to us and receive our attention, seduction, fury or disdain. We must behave this way to shore up our idea of being the one who calls the shots, who makes the decisions and pulls the strings because we dare not contemplate for too long what would happen if we allowed you to take hold of matters.

We will always let you have us, but you will never be allowed to hold us.

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26 thoughts on “To Have Not To Hold

  1. Saint anger. says:

    Narcs can’t handle pain. Us heyoka and super empath thrive on pain. “pain is the touchstone of all spiritual growth.” “pain is the admission price to a new life.” Saint Anger.

  2. Asp Emp says:

    Unless there is a pre-nup, why do narcs get married and then potentially get half of everything they worked hard for given to the spouse even if the spouse has done fk all to earn any money and contribute? That is, if the spouse has evidence of an affair.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. Marriage is a form of control.
      2. Control is about the NOW, not what will happen later. For many narcissists that means the narcissism is brilliant at achieving control in the NOW, but causes collateral problems later (which are not the narcissism’s concern) such as having to pay over 50%.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Thank you for the explanation.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You’re welcome

      2. Saint anger. says:

        The narc including the greater and upper narc r never in control ever. They only av the illusion of control, the illusion of power. The narc lives in “the guided cage.” to all narcs “control means power” but its another illusion of the guided cage. The narcs 2nd worst fear is not aving their needs met, that scares em. For example “fictionaly if u starve a vampire of blood it gets scared and loses its youthful appearance and withers and becums haggard and very old looking. It doesn’t die cos its already dead-undead.” it’s the same wiv the narc cos it’s entire existence is predicated by the external. It gets its very definition of who it is from outside of their selves. For example again” if u stuck a narc on a desert island wiv no other humans its entire psychological network would implode wivin 2 weeks cos of no supply. If u stuck an empath on the same island wiv no humans sure they would av a good cry, get lonely and even throw a tantrum from time to time. But ultimately they would be happy.” How? Cos their connected to their inner self and integrated ego and inner child, their in control of their own shadow wivin. The 1st biggest fear for all narcs by the way is once their aware my kind is out there in the world is “The Heyoka Empath.” the narcs not just scared of us their terrified of us, in star wars terms the heyoka empath is the jedi grand master yoda of empaths. The most powerful of empaths. Won’t be long b4 hg tudor bans me from this website, u mark my words. Saint Anger.

    2. Empath007 says:

      That’s an interesting take on marriage. Assuming the spouse is an empath and put up with horrible abuse for years… I’d say they’d be entitled to half. It also depends on how one defines contributing to the marriage. I don’t know if you have children Asp Emp, but that is a job in itself, and an important one. Especially in a situation where the other parent can’t exhibit any empathy.

      Considering the abusive spouse probably A) isolated the other spouse B) did not encourage the other spouse to explore their own personal or professional growth to keep them down and controlled C) used this isolation and lack of resources to their advantage to continue the abuse.

      Then they complain their spouse took half of what was “theirs” when really it was “ours”.

      I wanted to offer a perspective yourself and others may have not considered. I’m not in any way personally offended by the remark, as I’m not a stay at home parent.. but I most certainly support them.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Both are narcs but different cadres. I’ve never been married – instinctively chose not to have children when I was 18 years old. Maybe cos of parent ‘showing me how to bring up children – her version’.

        Spouse who didn’t really work is possibly the one with the most control (doesn’t do cooking etc – also the first one to have an affair!!). Other is Victim type (does everything), also the ‘parent’ of the children (adults now but still get the support as if still are children). Chose to carry on working despite other circumstances. Chose not to make changes in order to make life easier. Both are controlling in different ways. One expects 50% plus and the other expects to keep everything cos they did the work. At the same time, keeping access to the PPSs .

        I asked the question and HG provided a response. Thank you for not taking it personally.

        1. Empath007 says:

          Well… it sounds like those two were made for each other lol. Marriage is a legally binding contract, I don’t pity anyone who enters it and then expects to exit the exact same way they entered it. ( I’m not suggesting you pity them – my own personal opinion is that marriage is an archaic notion, pushed by religion and the church).

          I too have never been married but I did have a long term partnership with Someone for 15 years. In that time with someone I understood both emotional and monetary contributions are equally valuable. But if two people are narcs, neither would be able to see that.

  3. Monica says:

    What is the fear if we were to take hold of matters? Why is that so scary?

  4. December Infinity says:

    Why do the narcs even bother to get into a ‘relationship’ with a person and in many cases move in quickly and/or also marry or keep the idea of marriage dangling on a hook to their person of interest at that moment? Evidently this would be part of the fake world they surround themselves with. They don’t do monogamy.

    Perhaps some of the narcs can function as adults on their own (such as have their own place to live, etcetera) but
    I am aware that other types of narcs are looking for a place to live and to use someone for money (in many cases because they cannot hold a job or get a place to live because they are bad with finances). Been through that. I was held on to for resources and what I could be used for.There was no relationship. Fully aware that the rules don’t apply to them and I was expected to put up with their crazy behaviour and shut up. Of course there was no getting to the bottom of anything with the narc until I finally got fed up with being held down.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. It is Future Faking, using the future to control the now.

      2. Yes, those are part of the residual benefits.

  5. Saint anger. says:

    Actually hg dude it’s u and ur kind that cannot hold onto us. It’s ironic how u say we can’t hold onto u. How? Wivout us u would die inside and implode. That is the narcs curse you in that they cannot love, that is ur curse that u av to walk the dark barren waistland of life terrified of being alone wivout supply. That’s why all different types of empath will always always be the winners subjectivly and objectively. The empath is born to lose but lives to win. We don’t need supply, cos our egos r fully integrated and we get our supply from wiv in ourselves and we love to be alone. The narc has no power just the illusion of power. Saint anger.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Surely “barren waistland” is an oxymoron?

      Apologies, I should rephrase.

      But blood, “barren waistland” makes no sense, ya feel me fam?

      1. Violetta says:

        April is the cruellest month, breeding
        Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
        Memory and desire, stirring
        Dull roots with spring rain.
        Winter kept us warm, covering
        Earth in forgetful snow, feeding
        A little life with dried tubers.
        Summer surprised us, coming over the Starnbergersee
        With a shower of rain; we stopped in the colonnade,
        And went on in sunlight, into the Hofgarten,
        And drank coffee, and talked for an hour.
        Bin gar keine Russin, stamm’ aus Litauen, echt deutsch.
        And when we were children, staying at the arch-duke’s,
        My cousin’s, he took me out on a sled,
        And I was frightened. He said, Marie,
        Marie, hold on tight. And down we went.
        In the mountains, there you feel free.
        I read, much of the night, and go south in the winter.

        What are the roots that clutch, what branches grow
        Out of this stony rubbish? Son of man,
        You cannot say, or guess, for you know only
        A heap of broken images, where the sun beats,
        And the dead tree gives no shelter, the cricket no relief,
        And the dry stone no sound of water. Only
        There is shadow under this red rock,
        (Come in under the shadow of this red rock),
        And I will show you something different from either
        Your shadow at morning striding behind you
        Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
        I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
        Frisch weht der Wind
        Der Heimat zu
        Mein Irisch Kind,
        Wo weilest du?
        “You gave me hyacinths first a year ago;
        “They called me the hyacinth girl.”
        —Yet when we came back, late, from the Hyacinth garden,
        Your arms full, and your hair wet, I could not
        Speak, and my eyes failed, I was neither
        Living nor dead, and I knew nothing,
        Looking into the heart of light, the silence.
        Oed’ und leer das Meer

        1. Sweetest Perfection says:

          Violetta, I was about to recommend this hahaha.

      2. Truthseeker6157 says:

        You know sometimes when I’m having a rubbish day, I tiptoe into this room and quietly just laugh my little ass off.

      3. Asp Emp says:


      4. Saint anger. says:

        No barren waistland isn’t an oxymoron dude, it’s a descriptive term that describes the narcs lifespan in the guided cage, the illusion. “u know it makes sense rhodders. “. Nevermind I still loves ur hg.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Well, that went right over your head didn’t it SA?

          1. Saint anger. says:

            No not at all my young apprentice. U need to know hg that the spiritual man can see below the surface of words in texts, e mails, social media and verbal words from the narc face to face. That must be very worrying for the narc. Moreover my young friend forgive my curiosity but av u studied the heyoka empath yet? Stupid question really cos u’ll lie to me anyway. But I will always know when ur liekng to me, that’s one of my god given gifts. Hey ur emancipation from ur narc shadow and reintegration of ur ego could be closer than u think hg. Praying for u. U must remember “love conqhers all”. Including narcissism. “no one is ever truly gone.”. Grand jedi master luke skywalker.

          2. Truthseeker6157 says:

            And other such useful affirmations…..

          3. Violetta says:

            Dear God, SA: you spelled “wasteland” “wAISTland.” Waists are frequently fertile.

            I don’t have the patience to go through the rest of your screed, but if you have any valid points to make, it might help to make them in English. I’ve had ESL and Developmental students who communicated more clearly than you do.

  6. Eternity says:

    HG, I honestly think your kind should never ever marry. It’s not worth it ! You can have so many relationships without being completely tied down.
    Plus it causes to many problems and issues.

    1. Empath007 says:

      I agree. I think it shows a lack of self awareness when they get married. They clearly are lying to themselves that that is what they actually want. Or as females they feel in competition with other females to “have it all” and “do it all” and of course be the best at it.

      My narc was honest in this respect. He made it pretty clear marriage was not for him. And I respect that. It’s an honest representation of how he sees partners. And he’s self aware enough to understand he’d never want anything long term.
      In fact he’s the total opposite. He hides all his relationships so well not even most of his good friends and family knows he’s in them. So he gets to keep his “nerdy, sweetheart of a guy, who has trouble keeping the ladies around” facade in tact. And then blame the women for now they treat him.

      My narc was many things. But stupid was not one of them .

      1. Eternity says:

        I agree too they are not stupid !,My N knows my ever move I make Ihate it so much .He stalks me everywhere and even here he read all my comments at one point and it got very ugly.

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