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59 thoughts on “The Fuel Crisis”
I can’t believe I’ve never seen this video. It answers so many of my questions. Thank-you for suggesting it Mr. Tudor.
On Thursday I met an ACON. As she told a story I realized her mom is an N and asked her if she was. She said that both her parents are Ns. I said, “I am so sorry for your loss. I know that it is terrible and you likely had a horrible childhood.” Her eyes widened and she asked me if I was an ACON. I said I was not. She described how her son was the golden child grandchild and that their mother is going into elder care.
They are putting their mother in a nursing home. None of them want anything to do with her. They are not planning to visit. They are literally putting her in the home to die alone and not be a bother. None of them love her, but feel obligated. Their mother is in very poor health and is likely to die alone and perhaps of a fuel crisis if she can’t get what she needs from the hospice nurses.
Fascinating HG, thank you.
So is there an overlap between a fuel crisis and depression then? If the narcissist isn’t aware of what he or she is (and that what they are suffering is the effects of a fuel crisis), presumably they would end up attributing their feelings to another cause, such as depression or anxiety instead? I question how many narcissists have ended up on medication for depression or anxiety when in fact narcissism is the root cause.
Yes, they would attribute it to something else.
I suspected as such. It’s a shame that when presenting at the g.p the doctor isn’t more aware of this. Thanks for the info, HG.
When I next speak with my own GP, I am going give them a shock and tell them that it was unawareness / lack of knowledge about ‘narcissism’ that ‘plagued’ me all my life. She once told me that “we” need to be able to work out what is the root cause of my “stress / depression”. Now, I know and telling my GP that it is ‘an expert by experience’ (HG) providing the right information & the right way of learning. GP will see a very different patient (me), hence another shock coming. I had always declined prescribed medication – instinctively, I knew it was NOT the answer. I am glad I listened to myself.
Asp Emp, I think medication does have its place, when the diagnosis is correct. But I know of a few people in my life who I could see potentially being diagnosed with depression and given drugs for it, when in fact their situation is attributable to narcissism.
Thank you for your response. I understand and I agree. But GPs also make mistakes when assuming a patient’s “depression” is something else. GPs have a lot to learn & understand as issuing the incorrect medication can have the wrong consequences for the patient. I am still glad I stuck with my decision as I no longer feel “depressed”…..
My mum was diagnosed with PTSD and is on medication. Of course the medication does sweet F all because she’s a narcissist. Years of counselling and medication has not made any difference. She only uses her diagnosis to avoid responsibility as a victim narcissist so it only served her narcissism further.
GP’s have to base their assessment on what their patients are telling them so they have very little time and power to address narcissism with their patients within a 15 minute appointment
“Years of counselling” – (my jaw has dropped in surprise) but I am not surprised. The ‘therapist’ is either a) ignorant of narcissism, or b) a narcissist themselves (yet may or may NOT be aware of themselves), but they are “contributing” to their own personal ‘Prime Aims’ – financially = getting paid and using their position to be in “control” of the whole ‘scenario’. And at the same time ‘conditioning’ your mother, yet, your mother has either been told she is a narcissist or remains unaware = a victim narcissist. It’s a ‘Catch 22’ situation.
A GP is not always the right “answer” when it comes to long term ‘health’ of people (narcissism or no narcissism). The whole “system” is a bloody mess…..
My doctor prescribed depression meds that I refused to take.
I knew I was ‘ logical’ in the way I was feeling. Sounds like a contradiction in terms but I knew meds wouldn’t solve it.
They then put me through the ‘system’ which basically involved me filling in a bunch of questionnaires at different intervals relating to how suicidal I was feeling. It was over 6 months before I even spoke to anyone by which point my last questionnaire showed improvement. So they finally called me and, get, this, I loved this, they recommended a specific book on NLP! That was the best they could do. After 6 months of form filling. No over the phone therapy as was promised originally. I was in bad shape by this point.
I lost it with them in entirety. I told them they could shove the NLP book right up their arse, they had left me for 6 months, they used me as a form filling exercise, and that they should be utterly ashamed of themselves then hung up.
Unluckily for them, the doctors surgery selected me at random to provide feedback on their surgery several weeks later. I went for them as well. The partner ended up calling me to discuss. That went well for her too! Utterly disgraceful, I can only imagine what it has been like for you Asp.
If anyone so much as whispered the term NLP to me now I would go up like a rocket. Angry? Incandescent would be a more accurate description.
I arrived here and only then, was I treated like a person, not a statistic or a problem. I hide things quite well, I function normally, but underneath I’ve never felt as lost. Within a couple of weeks being here I was pulling up. My circumstances really weren’t that complicated comparatively. Your situation must have been horrendous Asp. I can totally understand the anger you must feel.
WTF – 6 MONTHS!?!?
“I told them they could shove the NLP book right up their arse” (laughing) good for you lass!
I am so glad to hear your words to show that you understand my ‘anger’ at the “system”.
I was informed that I was not entitled to additional support because I had not been diagnosed – that was summer of 2012. Asked my GP, she did it straight away – the referral. She believed me (learns some new things through me) – it took 18 months of bureaucracy because there was no diagnostic service available in the county I live in (FFS). But after I wrote & stated I am not paying £2,000 for a diagnosis when my County has no “services” but they did have – wait for it – “Service Development Manager for Autism” employed by the County Council – HELLO?! – after much communications with someone high up in NHS, a return letter of apology – I was seen by someone from outside the area (came to my house – bloody right!) – but it also (partly contributed to) forcing the local authority to commission their own “diagnostic services” (cough cough – still crap – too many people waiting). It still took around 14 months from first visit to my house to the second one (cos the nurse was so busy – yes, a NURSE!) but I still got the diagnosis.
No, it is NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Not any more. I had better stop now before I get any more psd off x
These are NHS counsellors who can’t diagnose people. They are just there to listen.
Unless something serious happens she won’t be re-accessed by secondary mental health services. I doubt very much any counsellor she has come across has told her she’s a narcissist.
Unless a psycho therapist is getting paid thousands privately to diagnose someone with NPD or psychopathy which is the case for HG, they won’t bother
Interesting…… very interesting to know that these are “NHS counsellors who can’t diagnose people” – says it all really. Also proves my point. Medical “professionals” my a**e. Hmmm, wish covid was not such an a**e either – I will be conferring with a GP friend (not my GP – but I will be talking to her as well!) – this friend has a really big interest (genuine) interest in mental health & more importantly (I think) the ’emotional psyche’….. through her – there could be a ‘path’ of forcing some doors to be yanked off their hinges…… I think I’ll be doing a bit of networking in the New Year, Maybe re-establish contacts with some people in Clinical Commissioning Groups….. I am damned to sit and say nothing for any longer on the ignorance of the medical world…. thank you for sharing x
My mother tries to stress my sister out who lives with her over money, always wanting more or asking to be paid earlier. My sister found out my mother is in rent arrears which she’s hiding.
I told my sister not to tell her that she’s knows and not to bring it up because there’s no point. Even if you suggest solutions to my mother she will not take it on board and she will just get defensive and start shouting at you.
It’s not the intention of certain narcs to resolve anything. So you might as well let them lie in the bed they’ve made because it will never end.
@Witch, same with my mom, she gets all defensive and nasty if I try to say anything, then driving home the evening following my dad funeral she tells me she’s asked my daughter to give “us” financial advice. She just about ended up walking. I can make up one half of the house payment, insurance, taxes, utilities and still cover food for myself and my son until he graduates. She gets nothing more, that’s what I make. The house is paid for in 5 years and upon her death it becomes mine if I have taken care of her. It was drawn up when I was focused on helping my dad and not thinking beyond that. I am going to talk to the eldercare attorney she uses to find out a bit more about my “rights” in the situation. But, I feel like it’s my own fault because I didn’t think beyond my dad and now this is where we’re at. I hope your sister has a place to go if she and your mom have to move.
Another piece of this that is weighing on me, I will vent it and drop it, no sense in complaining. But, she absolutely doesn’t care that I’m not getting younger, my life is going past, it’s never coming back and it’s all devoted to her now. Not sure if venting that helped. It’s just mindboggling, the selfishness of it. I would never do that to my children, they need to have their own life, I’m happy they have their own life. I want to have my own life too, while I’m still young enough to have one. That was what prompted me to get on that dating site, not the best way to have my own life! Lol!
“if I have taken care of her” – IF?!
“my life is going past, it’s never coming back and it’s all devoted to her now” – your words….. good that you are seeking to find out more about your ‘rights’ – hope it’s sounds advice….
The bureaucracy within the NHS is shameful. It’s no wonder it’s on its knees. It’s such a shame because actually the concept of a NHS is a rare one. It’s something that we should be proud of as a country. It is great for some things, my dads triple bypass a great example, they were fantastic.
When it comes to the less obvious, the psychological stuff, it’s backward. Far worse than the US in that area. The thing is, when people are in that mindset, they just don’t have the fight. It’s brilliant that you clearly did keep pushing. I feel sorry for those that just don’t have the strength for that.
The fact that you are finding what you need here makes me really smile. This place makes a difference in so many ways. I have no issue with meds if meds are required at certain times. Often though, the issue is understanding. Make us understand and we can fix ourselves. Not enough knowledgeable people in this field.
It just occurred to me – I reckon the “professionals” are either plain stupid or in truth, scared. My GP is brilliant really & was really pleased that I fought – because, in truth, sometimes GPs are not listened to either. I volunteered as a Lay Rep (lay person) for a CCG and it was interesting to find out facts that are not shared. I agree – ‘understanding’. In time, people will be forced to face up to the fact narcissism exists……
Rome was not built in a day……
I’m sorry to hear you’re mother is placing all of her financial burdens onto you.
I agree with you that an empathetic parent would want the best for their children.
Have you had a consultation with HG yet? You can sign up to the angel assistance fund. If you decide on a consultation I will donate to yours. Please let me know HG
Noted, thank you Witch.
@Witch, oh, Witch, that is so kind! I am blown away by the kindness on this blog, it is so beyond anything I’ve seen before. I am so touched by your offer and a little overwhelmed, I wouldn’t even know what I would talk to HG about regarding this. How to stop my mom from sucking me dry financially. But, that’s a big topic, where to even start. But, back to your offer, as kind as it is and as much as it touches my heart, I would ask that you keep it to help someone who needs it worse than I. I am working and unlike my mother, I do know how to manage my money. Once I talk with the eldercare attorney I will know better if there is anything I need to discuss with HG about this and I will budget it in. But please know that your offer has made my day! I’m sorry not to have responded earlier, it was busy today and I’ve been on here for two hours looking through comments and just got to this one. Thank you so much, your confidence, along with others here, in HG’s help with this speaks volumes and I will move forward as necessary at the proper time. Thank you so much for your offer!
Witch, my mom is a victim narcissist too. She loves all her meds and she hit me with the financial woes she has now that my dad is gone the day after the funeral, he’d been gone for 3 days. She handled the money that came from his retirement so poorly that now she hasn’t any. He didn’t want to give her the reins to it, he talked to me about it when he was getting sick, he was very concerned. And sure enough, it happened as we knew it would. And she has brought it up every day since. I had tried to tell her not to do certain things but she would not listen and now she’s really in a hole and is expecting me to dig her out. She even told my daughter yesterday that now she’s more like my child than my mother. That made me very upset. She was not a mother in so many ways. And now she is abdicating all responsibility for her choices. It is so crazy making.
“She even told my daughter yesterday that now she’s more like my child than my mother.” (bloody hell).
If my mother did that with money – I would not help her out. Her mess = her problem.
I wish it was that simple. There are complications involved, ones that she caused by her irresponsible handling of the money, but that will affect my future much longer than hers if things happen in the natural order.
Ok. If you can – I know it may be difficult, financially (apply via AFF if need be – I would pay on your behalf if I could) – consult with HG as soon as you can. He is the best person to assist on that right now. Your mother fkd up and when you are affected – it has to be “reined” in. HG knows enough on what you have been through and shared to date – so, give it a go. Consult with him. I can help you in other ways via the blog x
Oh Asp Emp, that is the kindest thing ever! Thank you so much, I can see that you have a real heart to help people, I am very touched. You have already helped me more than you know with your explanations of things and your encouragement. I really am grateful! But I need to see our attorney first. From that point, if there is need, I will pay to consult with HG. I was “destitute” when my husband left and I had 3 kids at home, no income and a run down old, old house (that I loved). I didn’t work then, he’d not wanted me to. But in the 10 years since he left, I have been able to improve my status and as such, I would rather leave the money in the AAF for those who need it more than I. If it becomes apparent that I would do well to have a consult, I will work it into my budget. Thank you so much though, it means more than you know that you said all you said. And I will keep it in mind for sure, thank you!
Your words (moved me, much)….. thank you so much for your reassurance – yes, I do care & it’s a shame that I became ‘hard’ over the years – being here has helped me to put a door in the wall I constructed around myself – that ‘door’ will open from time time – when I feel / think it it is safe to open….
It’s really considerate of you to rather someone else to have the support from AAF. Bless you. x
A Victor, you do not have to give your mum any financial support. She may be your mum but she is a narcissist.
If I make mistakes I live by the sword and die by the sword. I don’t expect anyone to pick up the pieces.
Do not let her corrupt your emotional thinking.
It’s your finances, your family. Your mother is resourceful as all Ns are. Do not feel the pressure. It matters not what others tbink.
And yes definitely, consult with HG
Asp Emp, Thank you again, if I don’t get sound advice from the attorney, or even if I do but it’s not what will help to deal with her, I will consult with HG. I just need to sort out what to even talk with him about. Today she was telling me that she would be lowering payments on the house, extending the mortgage by 2 years, and I said well, if I still give you the same and you apply it the principle will come down faster, that would help. To this she responds, well, I don’t know where you’d get the extra money to do that, and looks over at me. I do not discuss my finances with her, though she would love it if I would. I am open to ideas to discuss with HG, I just don’t want to do the consult and not have anything to say. I might just cry through the whole thing. Haha.
Alexissmith, thank you for your supportive words, the strength of them is helpful, I don’t have to do anything. It is so easy to get sucked in if I forget that for one moment. I think your comment is going on my phone for times I might need it, thank you!
Good Grief Asp Emp, reading my words on your comment made me feel nauseous. I need to take my life back. Thank you.
HG, loved this explanation,
is the Fuel Crisis more common among older female (hetero) narcissists than older male ones?
As we humans age there are fewer and fewer men around. They don’t live as long as women do (in democratic countries at least). And most relationships consist of a man older than the woman.
Or do old female narcs just skip loneliness and abuse some pet dogs instead as IPPS?
Have you not heard of the Women’s Institute?
Afraid I haven’t but I don’t wanna go within a mile radius, whatever it is.
HG hates the idea of the W.I because of their penchant for baking! 😂
Oh, so it’s not a place where bossy commander women rule over other women? I’m not British so I have no idea what WI is. I’m just guessing from HG’s comment.
AC, I have never been a member. It’s just a women’s group. They make things, crafts etc, baking, singing. Used to be more for older women, but nowadays they offer groups aimed at women in their 20s/30s too.
HG, what do you have against the W.I?
What was the significance of the reference to the W.I then?
The joke went over your head.
HG, it would seem that way. That’s why I asked, I wanted to know what you had meant.
This short video on youtube will explain the WI a little better. It’s hilarious and well worth watching to aid your understanding.
Alexissmith2016 nooooo!! I love Little Britain but we always fast forward the vomiting sketches! 😂
Slightly prejudiced view of the members, maybe? I know a few people in the (admittedly younger) group and they aren’t at all like that!
It’s only now I understand the connection with the WI, makes it even more hilarious!
Hahaha not prejudice enough I’d say lol
I’m kidding. WI as with any charity I’ve ever been involved with is run/ supported by total narcs and total empaths, with only a small number of inbetweeners.
Thank you for sharing the YT clip Alexissmith, hilarious!
Alexissmith2006 I had no idea! Doesn’t make for much of a fun dynamic!
Thank you for asking this AC, I’ve been wondering the same thing.
An old narc lady I heard of calls my female friend everyday, asks of her wherabouts, if there is any guest, what’s her name?, and “I need you. You must come over here.”
My friend, as peoplepleaser nice as I used to be years ago, tho irritated (and her husband too “It’s Aunt Commander calling again!”) she always answers the questions.
I suppose just because they get older, the need for fuel doesn’t dissipate. I have pictured my mom in this predicament, it is sad but honestly, no one likes being around her. I can’t imagine her demanding anyone come over though, except me maybe. She’d be more inclined to tears, guilting people into coming. I really wish she could understand and change.
“Or do old female narcs just skip loneliness and abuse some pet dogs instead as IPPS?” – I hope not!! If they do, I hope they end up with an untrained Rottweiler…..
Wow. Oh wow. I love the replicant eyes in the picture as well as your analytical assessment of the casualties in small increments and percentages. So mechanical. Who is the appliance, then?
Like the pic
Hope things are going well for you and your son.
FASCINATING listening, HG.
I know now that my ex went through a fuel crisis after I escaped/blocked him out of our lives. Nothing else explains the obliviousness to his lack of self-care, during that window of time.