The First Law of Narcissism
23 thoughts on “The First Law of Narcissism”
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Thank you for this video, HG. It gave me clarification and the video explains very it well.
You are welcome.
I just had to come back to this after watching the Piers Morgan documentary with Paris Bennett. The final thing he say to Piers in his interview is that the most distressing ’emotion’ he had ever experienced in his life was a sense of powerlessness. Piers had put his comment in the context of Paris not being able to control himself which was the most scary thing (for Paris). Paris says interviews like the one with Piers was a way for him to gain power over himself through self knowledge. Piers has completely missed the point. Paris is not concerned about controlling himself, he is concerned about controlling others which relates back to the sense of powerlessness he says he experienced. Paris plays along talking about gaining power over himself through self knowledge, but I think if we cut to the chase he’s just honing his psychopathic skills. The FBI guy and the woman with him who is a specialist in criminal behaviour think much of it is a ploy to help with his eventual parole hearing. Paris also talks about the ball of fury, or dark side, existing within him and displays no emotional affect whatsoever. He is a cool as a cucumber and completely in control. Interestingly, before he killed her, he used to choose what clothing his little sister should wear as well. That jumped out at me this time, which it didn’t the first time I saw a documentary on him. But it’s another element of control. And he would have between 9-13yrs of age at the time. The laws of narcissism are applied from an early age it seems for those who are vulnerable both genetically and in terms of their environment.
Piers misses a lot of things. Chiefly that he is a whiny wanna-be mid range narc himself.
It was an interesting story. I found the mother and the grandmother of more interest and wished there was more on them. The kid was doomed.
Ah, I don’t pay much attention to Piers, but he got the interview!
It’s a fascinating story, and I don’t know what other documentary you may have watched NA, but since you have awareness of his grandmother I’m guessing you have seen “The Family I Had”. That was a brilliant doco, much better than Piers’s lame ass interview, which delved more deeply into the family dynamic. The grandmother is a narcissistic psychopath (by my reckoning) and had been up on charges of killing Charity’s (Paris’s mother) father. There is so much background to this story, but I’ve no doubt Charity is an empath, was a wounded one who may inadvertently created an element of LOCE for her son, and this somehow ultimately led to his disorder. She has a different perspective on her son’s childhood (in Piers’ doco) than the actual facts appear to verify. There aren’t enough details to really come to a satisfying conclusion on that aspect. But he seemed to have it in for his mother and I don’t know if there is an element of narcissistic malice attached to his actions but that could certainly explain them in a way he wasn’t able to do. In fact, the interview was a whole lot of word salad on Paris’s part I think. He has a very high IQ. I don’t know if that applies to psychopaths in general, but maybe Ted Bundy had a very high IQ as well.
Hi Lickem
I believe The Family I Had demonstrates a perfect storm of genetic predisposition and LOCE that resulted in psychopathy.
He appears to have inherited the gene from his grandmother and his father at the very least. He even looks and sounds dead inside.
Couple of things that stood out:
I believe Paris felt replaced by his sister and then years later when his mother had another baby and she tells Paris that the baby has a heart defect the mother says Paris cried and she had never heard him cry like that – not even over killing his sister. I thought: he’s not crying for his brother or his mother- he’s crying for himself in being replaced yet again.
I noted in the letters he writes to his little brother (that he has never met) that he signs off with love as a tiny little word followed by Paris in much larger letters.
It was chilling when shortly after he murdered his sister (she was 4 and he was 13) he said to his mother: you said you could never kill anyone unless they hurt your children. I bet you never thought things would turn out like this. What are you going to do now?
The grandmother looks right at the camera and smiles when she says: we all manipulate but I don’t do it much anymore. I don’t have a business to manipulate. I don’t have a jury to manipulate (I’m assuming in reference to her getting off on her husbands murder). Brazenly inappropriate haha.
I’m not sure about Paris’s mother being an empath. What led you to that if you don’t mind?
Oh. I almost forgot his pity play at missing the basic milestones or rites of passage (can’t remember his term) of dating and prom etc while being in prison for denying those same things to his sister by his own hand. Oh the irony.
He may have a high IQ but his being emotionally dead being so evident detracts from that and makes him easier to spot than someone like Bundy. Age of course also being a factor.
Yes, I’m not sure he has any cognitive empathy now that you point that out. He was not convincing at all in anything he said. And the professionals thought he may have diverted attention from the more emotional moments as he was not able to display any kind of emotion. He didn’t have any charm and that’s where Bundy would ‘win’ hands down. Age might have something to do with that, but let’s hope he doesn’t further develop any skills that would make him more of a danger in the long run.
Ah, you have seen it, NA. You’ve mentioned so many things that stood out to me, particularly the grandmother mentioning the fact she didn’t have a jury to manipulate! She was so disconnected, said something along the lines of she wasn’t going to let having a child (Charity) interfere with her living her own life (which she obviously didn’t) and I think Charity got herself into some unfortunate circumstances with drugs at an early age. I do believe she is an empath just because she was so moved and moving in her responses, tears came easily to her and they seemed sincere. I still don’t understand why she made the move back to her mother’s after being estranged from her for so long and in the circumstances. Paris had tried to have himself removed from his mother’s care while in prison and placed in his grandmother’s care. His grandmother sent him some of the horror stories he liked to read. Imagine those two psychopaths together! They were both manipulative, but Charity stood her ground and refused to let her mother take over. I believe she is foolish (don’t want to say wrong) in keeping contact with her son, especially after knowing his motivations for killing his sister and now having another child. That little boy will potentially be a prime target once Paris gets out. He has no empathy. That was obvious. But he has plenty of malice. No sign of remorse for what he did. His demeanour didn’t match his words at all, and he didn’t even try to fake emotion. I agree. It was like he was dead inside. And his mom still felt every inch of her loss, you could tell. She’s been advised to move away and ensure hers and her child’s safety once he is out. I hope she takes that advice.
The clarification on someone needing to appear on your/the narcissist’s radar is very helpful. The concern around control does not exist until this happens.
I have a couple of questions related to this video.
If the narcissist “likes” something you post on social media, but you are no longer in a relationship and have had no other contact with them, is that an assertion of control?
Also, I picked up on something you said which was control may be asserted by contact with relevant third parties. At least that’s what I think you said. Apologies if I have that wrong. Is it correct that the narcissist having contact with third parties and getting information on you is another way of them asserting control?
Thanks for any insight you can give me on this one, HG.
1. Yes, it is an electronic hoover.
2. Yes. See The 3 Assertions of Control.
Thank you, HG. I have The 3 Assertions of Control. I will listen again.
Jolly good.
It’s only when we’re on the radar, this makes a lot fall into place! I have wondered how this didn’t make them crazy but, it’s part of that compartmentalizing again! Great video!
Yes, I think this relates to the issue I was having the other day with the online narcissist and how they manage all their various interactions. Just imagining it was mindbending, but this helps to make more sense of that as well. It’s only if the IPSS comes to mind as opposed to trying to having control over her/him, the DLS, the IPPS and basically everyone at the same time. That would be impossible. Even to the narcissist!
LICKEMTOMORROW PLEASE STAY SAFE AND HAVE THE WONDERFUL HOLIDAYS I KNOW YOU DESERVE . BLESS YOU DEAR ❄☃️⛄
Smarinucci <3 same to you and thank you for being a support to me from the very beginning xox I hope you have a blessed Christmas and wish you all the best for New Year 2021 x<3x
Oh how lovely to hear from you , thank you for your kind words, they are not taken for granted . I
always wish you and the special people here on
” knowing the narcissist” I wish you all the same lovely holiday wishes.
Years as a DLS, so I am certain there are many triggers to put me on the radar. As HG has reiterated, no value in speculating what they are. It’s a waste of time, and TBH, I could name several off-hand anyhow.
I am glad to probably have only a few triggers from the summer narc. Many with my ex but I think he hates me, or is just busy doing who knows what, and who cares. I don’t think much about it either. I have seen a couple of references to HG saying things about “ruminating is not a good idea” and your “no value in speculating”, is there a place to learn more about this?
Great Video
This is a great video. Just listened on my way home from work. Thanks for accompanying me HG!
Pleasure.