A Sense of Loss



People always struggle with loss. It might be at the top of the scale where you have suffered a bereavement and lost a well-loved family member. It could be the loss of your home where you have lived for twenty years, owing to damage or repossession. It may be the loss of your job, a loss of good health all the way down to something far less important but a loss never the same, of your favourite restaurant when it closes or your daily caffeine injection from a coffee shop because you are economising.

Take something away from someone and they will experience sadness, frustration, upset, anger and sometimes confusion. Since people are governed by emotions rather than cool, hard logic, the loss of something often has a devastating and traumatic effect, especially in respect of major losses such as a spouse or partner. Once upon  a time your parents seemed as if they would live forever. They were always there. They raised you, guided you and supported you.

They let you find your own way through life but if ever you needed them they were always there to listen and help and then one day you find they have gone and you are left with a huge black hole in your life. Your best friend who you have known for over twenty-five years was a huge part of your life.

You spoke daily, laughed about your younger selves and the scrapes you got into, supported one another and cruised through life like the dynamic duo until they have gone and you feel a massive void since their departure to the next life or another continent, dependent on the circumstances. Remove something from a person’s life and they are left with hurt, despondency and despair. This is all the more so when it is something or someone wonderful and delightful. Then the emptiness becomes a howling wilderness.

Of course we are fully aware of how loss affects people from our repeated study of people. We also know that being able to gift someone something wonderful and then remove it, is a sign of considerable power. A power that can be wielded with considerable effects. The power of withdrawal, even if just threatened, can bring about an extreme reaction in the subject. This is something we are fully aware of and something which we take advantage of.

We gave you everything in the beginning. We provided you with a love beyond compare, a dizzying array of compliments, a barrage of desire and a tsunami of flattery. We raised you up, higher and higher and sprayed you with affection, passion and generosity.

The light was bright, warm and golden and we let it shine every day just for you. We allowed you to bask in this golden period of utter ecstasy and in return you gave us everything that you had in pursuit of the maintenance of this golden period. Without warning we withdrew it.

The door was closed and the shutters lowered and once where you had walked happily and freely you too found yourself transported to the howling wilderness where you stood alone beneath grey, leaden skies as a cold and unforgiving wind whipped around you. It felt like someone had died.

Whereas once we uttered such sweet, sweet words to you, there is now only silence. The reassuring embrace of our arms and lips has somehow vanished and you feel stripped and vulnerable. All of the places we took you to and shared seem so distant and you begin to wonder whether they really happened. Alone and distraught,you wander this wilderness searching for us.

Occasionally you catch a glimpse of us but in an instant we have disappeared as you stumble along. The kindness has been removed. The long nights of sexual congress which went beyond anything you have experienced before has been taken away, leaving your bed a cold,hard slab where rest is to be endured rather than enjoyed.

If we even grace you with our presence in that place where we once coupled each and every night, a writhing mass of limbs and mouths that explored and pleasured, all you know now is our back which is defiantly presented to you each night. That’s if we even come to bed at all. The spare room or the sofa seem to attract us more than you these days.

We know that taking away this passion, desire, interest, largesse and kindness is like a hammer blow. It is as if we have died but yet you can still see us, touch us and hear us which makes the sense of loss even greater and all the more confusing. Like a pet-owner dangling a bone in front of a salivating puppy, we occasionally open the shutters and allow the golden period to return and the joy and the relief which washes over you at the restoration of his oh most glorious time is electrifying and so is the extent of your gratitude and delight. Yet it is ephemeral. It is like a wonderful dream that has transported you away from all the hurt and misery, but just like a dream when you open your eyes in the morning, it has gone.

The power that comes with withdrawal and your predictable reaction to it, mean that it is a method of manipulation that cannot be ignored. To bestow and then deny has you caught in the strings of our puppetry as we jerk you back and forth between granting those things that you desire the most and then taking them away from you. Your reactions and the control this grants us means that it is so simple yet so effective and something we can never withdraw from doing.

51 thoughts on “A Sense of Loss

  1. Z - zwartbolleke says:

    First John Le Carré and now Jeremy Bulloch, what a sad week this is for you, condolences to you on your loss Sir.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is not a problem Z, what they provided to me can continue by way of Character Trait Acquisition.

      1. Missy Fresh says:

        Very interesting

  2. Pale Horse says:

    Dearest Bubbles, my condolences to both you and Mr. Bubbles. This is a pain I know all too well and it is devastating. Be kind to yourself. I wish you well!

    1. Bubbles says:

      Dearest Pale Horse,
      I am most humbled by your caring sentiments
      Thank you kindly
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  3. lickemtomorrow says:

    The whole Covid thing just adds to the trauma, Bubbles. I’m so glad his wife was able to be with him, but there will be a lot of trauma attached to grief this year due to the circumstances. We’re here when you need us, Bubbles, and I’m really glad you were able to find the time to check in <3

    1. Bubbles says:

      Dearest lickemtomorrow,
      Thank you lovely, I’m like a trampoline, always bounce right back up
      I’ve been trying to read as much as possible here to keep up
      Mr Tudor’s teachings on “emotional thinking” helped tremendously and so I was able to handle this crisis a lot better
      As you mentioned, covid hasn’t helped, however, we have been extremely fortunate here in Australia, they pounce right on it and thankfully we don’t have a large population
      My heart goes out to you all in the countries suffering immeasurably !
      My only wish is for a safe and merry Christmas to everyone
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  4. lickemtomorrow says:

    Very sorry to hear about your nephew, Bubbles. Some losses are intangible, and that’s often the case with someone who is younger. It sounds like he will be sorely missed xox

    Thinking of you and hoping you get through Christmas OK. I know it was going to be tough already.
    Hopefully you can keep checking in here with us as we all try to navigate the ‘silly season’ together <3

    1. Bubbles says:

      Dearest lickemtomorrow,
      Thank you so kindly precious one
      We now understand those who’ve lost loved ones this year to covid and not being able to visit them in hospital (he died of cancer, which spread quickly and aggressively)
      It’s so cruel, not seeing him and giving him hugs
      They were only allowed one person and understandably his wife !
      Thank you lovelies, it means heaps
      To all those here who have lost dear loved ones, my heartfelt thoughts and condolences to you all ❤️
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      Ps I need to be here, so I won’t lose it! Trying to keep focused!
      What with our son and all !

      1. K says:

        Dearest Bubbles,
        I am truly sorry for your loss and he was an empath so it’s a double loss. Please take care and stay safe.
        Luv K xoxxo

        1. Bubbles says:

          Dearest K,
          Many thanks for your kind words precious …. means heaps ! ☺️
          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      2. Empath007 says:

        I’m so sorry for your loss Bubbles 😞

        1. Bubbles says:

          Dearest Empath007,
          Thankyou sweet cheeks….I’m literally at a loss from all you kind lovelies comments
          Just know, you are all so wonderfully supportive and amazing
          I’m so overwhelmed by you beautiful beings ❤️ Thank you
          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  5. Bubbles says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,
    Mr Bubbles and I have just recently gone thru a loss of a loved one
    It was interesting to view this funeral with different eyes from your teachings
    Thank you
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

    2. Asp Emp says:

      Ah, Bubbles, sorry to hear about your loss x

      1. Bubbles says:

        Dear Asp Emp and Who Cares,
        Aw, thank you lovelies
        Our nephew who was a true empath
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        1. njfilly says:

          Oh no, Bubbles! Sorry to hear about your nephew. I’m so sorry for your loss.

          1. Bubbles says:

            Dearest njfilly,
            Many thanks for your kind thoughts, most appreciated
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        2. Asp Emp says:

          Ah, no, not an empath 🙁 x

          1. Bubbles says:

            Dear Asp Emp,
            Sadly yes 😞
            Left 5 kids behind
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          2. Asp Emp says:

            Ah, hope the kids will be ok. 🙂

          3. Bubbles says:

            Dear Asp Emp,
            Thankfully, his kids are all adults, one looks exactly like our youngest
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        3. Sweetest Perfection says:

          That’s really sad, I’m very sorry, Bubbles.

          1. Bubbles says:

            Dear Sweetest,
            Thankyou sweet pea
            You are too kind
            Mr Bubbles took it really hard, I had to stay strong for him…. we are meant to go first, not the young ones !
            Mr Tudor was my guardian “angel” in this …. ironic as that may be !
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          2. Sweetest Perfection says:

            It must be incredibly hard. Please, give all of the Empath love from us in the blog to Mr. Bubbles and same for you. We are here for you. 💕

          3. Another Cat says:

            Bubbles, yes we want the young ones to live for many years after we’re gone. At least he had you and your husband making his life happier. That’s an important part.

          4. Bubbles says:

            Dear Sweetest,
            I passed on your message to Mr Bubbles, he teared up (he’s a 77 year old marshmallow right now)
            He wanted me to say “thankyou and is overwhelmed with your kind words and thoughts”
            We’ve immersed ourselves in Shitts Creek and Christmas movies to take our mind off things, also whilst our youngest plays random ping pong.
            Thank you Sweetest 💕
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        4. Another Cat says:

          I’m so sorry Bubbles. Just thought of you yesterday. Losing a loved one is terrible. ❤️

          1. Bubbles says:

            Dearest Another Cat,
            Thank you lovely for thinking of me yesterday …. and we don’t even know one another. You’re more generous than some of the people I know 💕
            What was interesting, was those that were supposed to be close, didn’t show at the funeral They stood out more !
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        5. JB says:

          Bubbles, I am so sorry for your loss xx

          1. Bubbles says:

            Dear JB,
            Many thanks and sending hugs for your caring
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          2. JB says:

            Hugs to you too, Bubbles xx

    3. WhoCares says:

      Sorry for your loss Bubbles.

    4. FoolMe1Time says:

      Sweet Bubbles, I’m sorry about your loss.💞

      1. Bubbles says:

        Dear FoolMe,
        Thank you precious…..great way to end this 2020 year
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

    5. A Victor says:

      Sorry for your loss Bubbles and Mr Bubbles.

      1. Bubbles says:

        Dear A Victor,
        Thank you so much
        Mr Bubbles n I were his favourite aunt n uncle
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        1. A Victor says:

          Oh, that makes it even more bittersweet. I’m sure he was most blessed to have you both. I hope you are both okay and the children left behind as well. xox

          1. Bubbles says:

            Dearest A Victor,
            Mr Bubbles was his substitute dad, as he had a fallout with his own dad for many many years
            It seemed just like the other day we attended his second wedding and now his funeral
            We must appreciate life and loved ones and stop focusing on the ones that don’t love you
            Hugs to you A Victor 🤗
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          2. A Victor says:

            Dear Bubbles, substitutes can be better than the “real” in the case of parents. My son’s father left when he was 7 and other men in our life, my father first until his illness made it impossible to continue, and then our pastor mainly, along with some other men, took my son under their wing and helped him grow up. He is better off for it, his father would have been bad for him. Your husband and you, did a wonderful thing for your nephew. And yes, time does go by very quickly, sometimes more quickly than I would like it to. Your last sentence is correct, thank you. Hugs back, A Victor

          3. Bubbles says:

            Dearest A Victor,
            So true !
            There’s much to be said for having a good role model in one’s life
            Mr Bubbles is the epitome !
            I’m so glad your son was privileged in having wonderful mentors, it’s so crucial
            He will have the edge over others, plus he has a wonderful mother to boot
            Thank you ! 💕
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          4. A Victor says:

            You are very kind Bubbles. He would not always agree with you about his mother. Haha. Thank you though.

    6. Kristin says:

      I’m sorry Bubbles, that has to be difficult. You are always such a bright light on this board and I enjoy your comments.

      1. Bubbles says:

        Dearest Kristin,
        Many thanks for your kind warm uplifting comment
        Ever so grateful
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

    7. Truthseeker6157 says:

      Ohh Bubbles, I’m so sorry to hear your sad news. You and Mr Bubbles stay strong for each other. I know you will.

      You are in my thoughts. Xx

      1. Bubbles says:

        Dearest Truthseeker6157,
        Aw, you’re too kind, thankyou sooo much
        You are all such a beautiful family here, thank you, I’m so touched by everyone! ❤️
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

    8. fox says:

      Oh no, so sorry for your loss, Bubbles! And sorry I am just now seeing this. My thoughts are with you and your family.

      1. Bubbles says:

        Dearest fox,
        That is very caring of you, thankyou ever so kindly
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  6. A Victor says:

    On so many of these articles I just want to comment “Jerk”. Or “Ass”. Or “Damn narcs”.

    1. Leigh says:

      Lol! Those are nice compared to the things I say after reading some of these articles.

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