Understanding Emotional Empathy : The Difference Between Empath, Normal and Narcissist
What is Emotional Empathy and who has it? What is its role with regard to empaths, normal people and narcissists?
To ensure you understand what has happened to you in respect of your involvement with the narcissist AND to allow you to defend yourself against future ensnarement and hurt, this Assistance Package will provide you with a wealth of information which includes :-
Understanding Emotional Empathy and what it is
Understanding how Emotional Empathy operates with regard to empaths, normals and narcissists
What does Emotional Empathy do?
Why empaths and normal people can be hurtful and why?
How to recognise Emotional Empathy
The relationship between Emotional Empathy and Cognitive Empathy
Several detailed scenarios demonstrating for you in clear and understandable terms the interactions between empaths, normals and narcissists in respect of conflict and its resolution
Several detailed scenarios to help you understand the difference of response from those involved in conflict
Several detailed scenarios demonstrating the response of empaths, normals and narcissists so you understand how instinctive manipulations occur
Several detailed scenarios showing how Wounding and Challenge Fuel factor into the concept of Emotional Empathy and Cognitive Empathy
This Assistance Package is delivered by audio file and will enhance your understanding of a key component of human behaviour and most importantly of all it will ensure you recognise how a narcissist is behaving in the context of emotional empathy so you are able to defend yourself.
36 thoughts on “Understanding Emotional Empathy : The Difference Between Empath, Normal and Narcissist”
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Oh no guys I’ve broken my 8 weeks of solid no contact 😣😣 . My message was ignored.
My ET went high due to Christmas coming up , I rationalised I should send a Christmas well wish 😣😣I know I know .
I was thinking I don’t want to seem bitter and bad at Christmas.
I know I was probably really just looking for validation but got ignored.My own fault .
I feel a bit crap .
Kiki 🎄
Awww Kiki, I understand completely how you feel. We’ve all been there.
You have to think logically about this sweetie. He is a narc and therefore we don’t know what is going on in his fuel matrix or what colour you’e currently painted.
I have been desperate for validation at times too. Do you really want to be validated by a complete turd though? because that’s all he is. You’re way better than that. Just think, if you’d messaged one of us, or one of your normal or empathic friends, would they have ignored you? no they bloody wouldn’t
so does it actually say anything about you at all? the fact he hasn’t replied? nope, not one single little bit. All it tells me is that you’re a beautiful kind and loving person and he’s a complete twat. x
He will likely see your message as a signal to reach out to you at some stage in the future.
Validate it in our own mind and then don’t pay it any more attention. There is no point thinking about something which is in the past, something you cannot do. All it is now is a memory. it doesn’t even exist any more so please forget, stop beating yourself up about it and remember what a **** he is. xx
Awe Kiki. I understand. I always feel like I don’t want to appear bitter. It’s interesting how we put that pressure on ourselves. We seek closure, we want to know people don’t hate us… and then being ignored is like a stab.
You’re human. All you did was send a nice Christmas message and if the narcissist interprets that in any other way that’s his problem. Not yours.
Block his number. Delete the message. And move forward with your head held high. You’re allowed to have your own feelings. You’re allowed to send people Christmas messages without feeling like crap. He’s sour and bitter and that’s his problem.
Happy Holidays!
Kiki,
Awww it’s ok. Don’t beat yourself up. X
The feeling of wondering and waiting for him to respond will make you feel ten times worse. Nip that in the bud. Close the electronic route of communication, then you aren’t waiting for his message with rising ET. You don’t need to think about it then. Decision is made.
Christmas is tough, particularly this year. Lots of things playing against us. I’m sorry that he didn’t respond. I know this will have upset you further and I know how it feels to wait for the ping of a message arriving. It’s horrible. I’m really sorry you are feeling this way at Christmas.
It’s a good thing he didn’t respond really, doesn’t feel like it, but it is. Cheeky git ignoring you! ‘No rush to answer that one, she can wait.’ Bollocks to that Kiki. Cut him off, you can do so much better than a narc for Christmas!
Thank you so much everyone your messages of support have really helped me . 😊
Yes , I suppose it hurts as my message was innocent enough , no ranting and wailing or looking for closure .
What did I expect, I provided a perfect opportunity for him to ignore me .
It just feels bad .
I will get over this blip , I will feel better about it.
Looking forward to Christmas hols 🎄🎄
Kiki
Kiki, it happens. Don’t beat yourself up about it too much. It’s understandable. In my opinion, 2 months is not really that long. I’ve not been in contact with past narcissists and I have no intention to do so – in my mind, there is no reason to either. Don’t feel bad about it – it was a ‘dip’. I know it is easier said than done, stay strong and you will be ok and then will be able to say to yourself ‘I beat the narcissist’.
Hi Kiki, I’m sorry you’ve had that experience again and I hope you know we can all be vulnerable in that way, especially at this time of year. The best way to look at a moment like this is to reinforce your knowledge of what he is and see it as an fresh opportunity to GOSO. Each time something like this happens it’s another indicator to move on from the narc. And first thingt is getting your ET down. That means not beating yourself up about it. It happens. The fact you’ve been brave enough to come here and share means you’ve reached out for the lifeline you need. Most of us have had vulnerable moments like the one you shared and can completely understand. The only way is up now, Kiki, with a helping hand. Don’t feel bad. Feel good to be here and get the help you need with others who have experienced the same thing. We can all help eachother xox
HG, is so right that we are governed by ET more so than LT. but when LT kicks in and takes over there is no changing an Empaths opinion.
With the narcissist, everything is either black or white. The same when dealing with the Flying Monkeys. It seems they don’t have an ounce of common sense to know and to think that perhaps someone is able to make decisions and change their mind over their feelings of the narcissist. It seems that whatever the narcissist says is golden and they just run with that opinion.
One of the narcissists that I knew of growing up because she was a friend of my older sister. When I first met her, I wasn’t able to talk to her. I just instantly got a feeling that something wasn’t right with her and something within myself was telling me to stay away from her. (I don’t know if anyone else has ever had this happen to them, I have had it happen a number of times).
Anyway to cut a long story short, after I fell out with the narcissist, I noticed this woman kept turning up at places or bars that she knew I was going to be at. She used to sit there with her husband and she would just watch me. Everytime. Or if I was driving the car and I met her in traffic, she would make sure that I saw her and she would be watching me to see if I was upset and she would just sit their smirking at me. Just always watching me. She acts like a stalker weirdo. It’s like as if she is getting some kind of enjoyment out of seeing me hurt.
I don’t and never have talked to this woman, but it has been said to me by a number of friends that she seems obsessed with me because of the way she behaves. I have a Twin Sister as well, who is a narcissist and even she says this woman is weird with the way she watches me all the time. She never does this with any of my sister’s.
I have no contact with this woman ever, and she was friends with my older sister a long time ago but not now. But her behaviour with me is always weird and it makes me uncomfortable. I don’t know whether she can tell that I am an Empath. She is just very toxic in the way she conducts herself. She is a married mother of young children in her thirties, and she just won’t stop acting in a weird stalker way around me. (Think of the movie, Single White Female. You get the idea.) My parents still live in the same country lane alongside her parents.
I do think she is a narcissist, albeit possibly a covert one.
If anyone can give me any advice on this, I’d really be grateful. Thank you.
Duchessbea, have you considered contacting the authorities? Or would it be too difficult to describe to them? She sounds like a stalker and there are laws about that.
Thank you A Victor. I don’t know it’s difficult to describe. I have a notebook and have taken down detail, time and dates when this woman just ‘randomly’ shows up. I don’t know. Very odd behaviour. It’s like she has an ‘obsession’ (for want of a better word), or something. Just very odd. I just avoid her when I see her. Thank you. 💗
I hear you. In many ways the ones that do the favours for the narc are even worse. Because they are taking time away from their own lives to try and make a perfect stranger feel stupid. But in my mind…. they are the ones who look stupid. They are spineless worshippers … they go to the church of narc and are brainwashed.
Thankfully, I have this place and for the first time in my life I can properly identify these people. And I’ve managed to get rid of each spineless idiot one blocking and ignoring at a time
Very true. Thank goodness for HG and his brilliant and invaluable advice. 💗
Just bought this. I also project my own beliefs onto others and it’s left me hurt, confused and frustrated. I truly thought empathy was the defining characteristic of what it means to be human. This topic came up actually in my therapy today as it often does. Thanks for the discount Santa Tudor!
I once spent a whole night imagining what the world might mean to me if I had no emotional empathy. It turned out to be the first crack in the wall that had hidden from me the perspective of the pathological narcissist.
Once I became more practiced in removing this variable from the equation of human interaction it finally started to make sense. It was literally disillusioning and more than helpful to stop projecting my inner beliefs and motivations onto the narcissist.
Interesting. Thank you for sharing your experience. How did you feel when you did this?
“more than helpful to stop projecting my inner beliefs and motivations onto the narcissist” – interesting words. Since the majority of narcissists are unaware of what they are – how can it be ‘justified’ to try and change something about a person when they do not necessarily understand it themselves (never mind being unaware)?
When my ET & LT was all over the place with diminished emotional empathy – I really couldn’t care less about the ‘world’ or other people – only cared about nature. Maybe, indirectly, I had always been like that….. I care more nowadays (because of better understanding about me & others from a different perspective). Since coming to KTN, it has been an interesting learning period…..
This is interesting. I don’t think I can do this but I am going to try. Thank you for sharing the idea and your findings from it.
Significant says, “Once I became more practiced in removing this variable from the equation of human interaction it finally started to make sense.”
Is the variable empathy? Are you saying you were able to remove empathy? Thats how it reads to me.
I find that interesting. Can you explain how you were able to remove empathy?
Mr. Tudor, is it just me. I think I see a red flag 🚩
I wonder if this is another way of saying, “Once I started using Logic . . . . “
lisk, that is an interesting thought. I did try “removing empathy” but I literally cannot do it, everything I do is colored by it somehow. Less now than when I first arrived (I didn’t even recognize it as empathy at that point) and probably more now than it will be as I learn more about and, hopefully, apply LT. But still, the trying and the absolute inability to do it were a bit surprising.
Significant, can you explain how you did it? Very curious about that.
If you are an empath, you cannot remove your empathy. Your empathy can be reduced by external stressors. You can apply logic and you are able to do so through the reduction of ET.
HG is right RE: external stressors. I’ve experienced it and had reduced emotional empathy for a very long time….
Oh, thank you for your response. I will not spend more time on this then but look to reducing ET and applying logic more as time goes on.
But isn’t it a balancing act? I mean, to always use logic, like Spock, seems that we would be losing part of what makes life interesting and also what makes us who we are. Or is that not a concern because we will always have some ET, this keeping ourselves intact and life interesting, no matter how much logic we successfully apply? Bringing my emotions slowly out over the years this worries me, maybe that is a mistake. But it still did not help me avoid ensnarement. I suspect I’m figuring out consultation topics…
You tend to be governed by ET far more than LT.
“If you are an empath you cannot remove your empathy.”
Agree. You can choose not to act on it though.
I might feel as if I want to get to the truth of the issue, or, call someone out. If the person is a narcissist I could elect not to act due to it being a pointless exercise.
ET would rise, but it depends on the nature of the interaction, the relationship and exposure time. Theoretically you could suspend empathy for short intermittent periods in terms of demonstrating rather than feeling it.
AV:
Well, it seems to me that ET is acting always to satisfy one’s feelings. Seeking to remove the discomfort associated with them. I believe this is separate from empathy and emotions. I agree with Truthseeker that you can feel empathy but you don’t have to act. Of course, I also just made a comment concerning sacrifice which might contradict what I just stated!
People don’t like being either physically or emotionally uncomfortable. Living with discomfort builds strength, stamina and character.
Pardon me, but I’m feeling a bit philosophical today. I am listening to the audio books by Miyamoto Musashi’ “The Book of Five Rings” and “The Way of Walking Alone”. Good stuff.
Truthseeker, that is the goal then, at least in part. Thank you.
NJ Filly,
I like philosophical. There are no rules. You can send your mind into all kinds of directions where you aren’t bound by the usual norms.
njfilly, so, the ET wants us to act a certain way similarly to how the narcissism wants the narcissist to act a certain way. That is interesting and it makes sense. But we have control and can know about it as opposed to the vast majority of narcissists. So it was my ET that caused me to bury my feelings so many years ago. Huh. That seems counterproductive but I didn’t like the pain, so it makes sense. I agree, we don’t have to, nor should we on many occasions, act on our feelings/empathy.
I had physical and emotional pain as a child but buried the feelings, I didn’t see another choice apparently, in my little kid brain. I think it still gave a foundation of strength, stamina and character but I think there are ways of doing that without having to hurt a person, as my mother did. And perhaps I would have more of those things had she not done it that way. What a sad thought. Thank you for the thoughts.
AV,
It’s certainly something that I’m exploring. I love the traits I have. It is my view though that they come with advantages to be maximised and disadvantages to be minimised. We might not be able to turn our empathy off but there are times when it would be better not to act on it. I don’t always act on it. If I did I’d have given all of my money to the RSPCA!
njfilly, I love the traits I have also. I believe they were originally intended for purposes other than what they’ve been used for, as a result of my upbringing, but, I also believe that I can put them to better use now.
I also do not believe we should act on our emotions or empathy, much of the time probably, but are better served to learn to recognize them and control, consciously, how much we want to allow them to influence our actions. It’s that recognizing part I have trouble with the most I think.
Okay, here’s another question. We must reduce our external stressors in order to lower ET. But, life is full of external stressors, potentially all the time. So how realistic is this for ongoing reduction if we are living a “normal” life, working, interacting with humans etc? Not doubting, seriously wondering how people achieve this. Or is it just coming to control those which we can within the scope of what we do. Are we more fragile, in a sense, needing to be more aware of our stress, than a “normal”?
No.
External stressors affect emotional empathy.
Interaction with the narcissist affects emotional thinking. You reduce ET by reducing interaction with the narcissists.
Oh, yes, I’ve been wondering if I had the definitions right. This helps a lot, thank you.