Why the Narcissist Wants You Dead


“I’m going to fucking kill you!”

“You’d better do it or you’re dead!”

“I wish you were dead!”

“You are going to die.”

You may well have heard such threats and declarations of intent from our kind. The savage Lesser who has erupted in a volcanic reaction of ignited fury who grabs the kitchen knife and thrusts it through the air towards his victim, the self-pitying Mid Ranger who in a tantrum of impotence and hatred expresses his wish that you were dead or simply the reptilian smile of the Greater with the unspoken but implicit suggestion of what might await you ; each school has its own ways of indicating that your demise is desired.

Yet, is this just wishful thinking or a solid desire to see you dead? Are these words issued more for effect than the reality of murdering you, causing an ‘accident’ or hoping that some intervening act causes you to be wiped from this mortal coil?

The general position is that we do not actually want you dead in the sense of physically dead. There are notable exceptions, which we shall address below, but it is rare for those exceptions to occur. The fact is that numerous commentators believe that we want you dead and the truth is, we do not. That is another myth that is held about our kind, that it is our ultimate desire, our final expression of victory for us to kill you. It is largely incorrect and here is why :-

  1. A dead appliance is a useless appliance. Your purpose is threefold to us, whether you are a tertiary, secondary or primary source. You are to provide us with fuel, character traits and/or residual benefits and the more important the appliance in our fuel matrix, the more likely that you will provide all three and do so impressively. Accordingly, if you are providing us with the very things that we want and need it makes no sense at all to render you incapable of providing them. But, I hear you ask, what of the appliances that are no longer functioning in the way that we want? A valid question.

Firstly, when you stop functioning in terms of the provision of positive fuel (you do not provide enough/frequently enough/it runs stale) we switch to devaluation and even though we hate you and paint you black for your treachery in no longer fulfilling your specified role through the provision of positive fuel, you still have a role to play. You become the fountain of negative fuel.

Secondly, you still have a role to play with regard to the provision of character traits and residual benefits. You may be supporting us financially, taking care of us, running a household, caring for the children and other matters which not only benefit us day-to-day but support our all important façade.

Thirdly, you are required for the purposes of triangulation with our other appliances and maintaining the provision of fuel as we seek out your ultimate replacement.

Now you ask, what then when we choose to dis-engage, clearly we have no longer  any desire to interact with you at all, why not kill you then? These leads us on to the other reasons why we choose not to kill you.

2. Notwithstanding our contempt for rules, the law and regulations, the higher functioning of our kind are mindful of the adverse interference that comes from nosey law enforcement if we murder you. It brings unwanted scrutiny and the potential to fetter our right to do what we want and we are not so stupid as to act in a way that will blatantly jeopardise that.

3. We treat you as dead without the inconvenience of actually killing you. We effectively delete you when we concentrate on the new IPPS through the new golden period. Accordingly, by ignoring you, removing you from social media postings, blocking you, not answering your messages or calls, then we have ‘killed’ you and this provides us with a far more satisfactory outcome.

4. You are ‘kept alive’ for the inevitable hoover. Although wanting to see you, interact with you or indeed do anything with you at all is last on our list when we have dis-engaged from you, unconsciously there remains that advantage to be achieved by keeping you alive so we can hoover you for fuel (positive or negative) or achieve this as well as bring you back into the Formal Relationship to acquire the other aspects of the Prime Aims. Remember, there has been a considerable investment in you and whilst we ‘kill you’ by putting you from our minds during the golden period with the new IPPS, we will want to draw down on our investment in due course. Accordingly, there is no point physically killing you.

5. There are alternative methods where we can in effect murder you without the potential risk to liberty. The key ways that this is done are as follows :-

a. Character assassination – ( The Paranoia of Character Assassination )

b. Smearing – ( see Smear and Loathing )

c. Silent Treatments – ( The Smiling Assassin )  and ( 17 Salvos of Silence )

d. Devaluation as a whole

Thus whilst we do not physically kill you, we slay your character, your reputation, your self-worth, your sense of existence, your connection to us and still continue to draw fuel from you, something we could not do if you were physically dead.

5. Punishment. By you remaining alive, we are able to punish you. This asserts and maintains our sense of superiority, enables us to draw fuel and ensures that we feel a sense of achievement and retribution against you. It also means we can keep on punishing you, something that could not be done if we were to actually murder you.

6. By stating our intent or desire to kill you, this simple form of threat carries with it the ability to gain fuel from provoking a reaction from you, but also allows the establishment of superiority. It is a simple sentence but one which carries significant power with it. This low usage of energy with maximum impact appeals hugely to our kind and therefore it makes far more sense for us to THREATEN than to EXECUTE. Yes, in that moment we do want to kill you or see you dead because you have done something which has mortally offended us and therefore our reaction in uttering those words is entirely in accordance with a desire to kill but we do not actually do so (and ultimately we do not want to do so) because it goes against our fundamental needs.

Thus for all of these reasons whilst we may say we want you dead or that we want to kill you, the reality is we do not and we will not.

Thus this is the general rule, however, as with all rules, there are exceptions. What are the exceptions when the desire to kill is acted on?

  1. The loss of control through ignited fury. Whilst the ignition of fury can potentially result in any school of narcissist entering a frenzy whereby there is the commission of physical violence, it is the Lesser who is most likely to murder as a consequence of the loss of control. This does not mean that all Lessers will kill, but rather, of all the schools, when there is a serious loss of control resulting in the ignition of fury, then the Lesser will want to kill and can and does kill. The fuel arising from the act, as he stabs, bludgeons, throttles or beats will be significant but not enough to heal the wound that has resulted in the ignition of fury and the loss of control, meaning the murderous act continues until the victim lies dead. Therein the fuel halts from the deceased victim. The narcissist may gain fuel from the reaction of witnesses also but ultimately that burst of fuel has gone with the demise of the victim. The murdering Lesser may use the fact of his killing to gain fuel in the future but as of now, he has lost a major appliance (if for instance he has murdered his IPPS) and therefore he will face a fuel crisis if he does not achieve fuel from alternative sources.
  2. Going, going gone. There are circumstances where the narcissist recognises that the major fuel provider is ‘on the way out’ and thus the fuel is going to be lost anyway. This is not the situation where the appliance is escaping or leaving – our narcissistic perspective of you always belonging to us means that your escape, leaving or departure is not something that will happen because we control you and we will bring you back under our control through a Initial Grand Hoover or through Follow-Up Hoovers. Thus, if someone is about to escape, move away etc, this is not applicable. The situation of Going, Going, Gone applies to where the appliance is at risk of dying. There are two clear situations where this arises ; terminal injury or illness and suicide. In respect of terminal injury or illness, the narcissist knows that the fuel source will not be around for much longer and therefore ‘helping’ this person on their way would appeal to particular narcissists. There also has to be a benefit associated with such an act, namely doing it as an act of revenge for wounding, punishing for railing against the narcissist’s control and such like.

With regard to suicide, if the narcissist recognises that the victim is at a very low ebb and therefore is likely to end their own life and thus deprive (in one final act of defiance) the narcissist of fuel etc, the narcissist will encourage that individual to take their life and push them over the edge. This is rare, but accords with a desire on the part of the narcissist to punish and gain revenge. This punishment and revenge goes beyond that normally experienced and would be as a consequence of a major exposure and/or major wounding. Thus if an individual is in a position whereby suicidal ideation occurs, the narcissist is aware of this and senses that it is likely to occur, the narcissist, in accordance with his or her god-like view of themselves and the need to exact punishing revenge will pressure, cajole, encourage and manipulate to push the victim over the edge so that he or she commits suicide.

3.  Malice. A Greater Narcissist wants you dead. There is no Going, Going Gone scenario which would be harnessed by any of the schools of narcissists. In this instance the malicious and calculating Greater has determined that your death is required. Again, this is rare and the Greater will have evaluated that the loss of a useful appliance is offset by the need to dis-incentivise this individual. There will be no clumsy rage-filled Lesser bludgeoning, or pillow-smothering Mid-Ranger with the dying cancer-ridden parent. Here the Greater sees you as a problem, an obstacle which must be removed. Usually it will be because the Greater recognises that you have access to information which will cause him or her considerable difficulty or that you have the ability to create a significant exposure problem. The Greater will not go down this route lightly, instead he or she will look to manipulate the situation in an alternative manner, but ultimately the Greater’s malicious core, their need for the maintenance of the status quo and their superiority means that sometimes, sometimes there is a need to remove an individual completely. It may be made to be an accident, it may be subtle, it may involve a contract killing, but certain individuals, on rare occasions, will be removed because they pose a threat to the Greater’s plans and control. The individual may be a romantic appliance, a business appliance or a familial appliance, but if the Greater deems their removal necessary and this outweighs the benefits of continued punishment, torture and fuel provision from this individual, then they will be dis-incentivised.

Thus, the prevailing circumstances are that we do not want you dead, no matter how many times it might be threatened, because an alive appliance is a very useful appliance. However, on rare occasions there will be exceptions.

23 thoughts on “Why the Narcissist Wants You Dead

  1. Sandra Martin says:

    #5 for my husband. His ex manipulated his daughter for 2 years after she kidnapped her from their home. Then daughter needed his signature on some paperwork and told him he was dead to her.

  2. BC30 says:

    And now I’m reminded of Avenged Sevenfold’s, “A Little Piece of Heaven,”– morbid, necrophilia, cannibalism. He wanted to have her forever, a constant companion. He wanted to control her and have the ultimate ownership, taking her life.

    🎶 ‘Cause I really always knew that my little crime
    Would be cold that’s why I got a heater for your thighs
    And I know, I know it’s not your time
    But bye, bye
    And a word to the wise when the fire dies
    You think it’s over but it’s just begun
    But baby don’t cry 🎶

    🎶 You had my heart, at least for the most part
    ‘Cause everybody’s gotta die sometime, we fell apart
    Let’s make a new start
    ‘Cause everybody’s gotta die sometime yeah
    But baby don’t cry 🎶

    However, there is a twist ending to the song, they become constant companions, and now I’ve got an earworm.

    1. BC30 says:

      I’ve got some questions for the Q&A now!

      I should get back to work… 🙂

    2. Asp Emp says:

      BC30, ie the earworm a *babel fish by any chance? 😉

      *re: The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams.

      1. BC30 says:

        Wouldn’t it be wonderful!?! I ❤️ these books, and have always said this is the superpower I would wish for, to be able to understand and be literate in every language ever known. I don’t need 3 wishes from the genie, just the one.

        1. Asp Emp says:

          BC30, I loved that book. I did not quite enjoy the remaining of the same series. The first one was ACE. Hilarious. All these weird words, describing the sounds – like the mattress flurped….. LOL. I am like WTF. Glooped was another I remembered…..I seriously googled these to find out what they meant LOLOL. Oh, I’m ‘babel-ling’ on LOL 🙂

          1. Violetta says:

            I’ve always wanted to try a Pan-galactic Gargle Blaster, but it’s like Trania–there are a zillion different recipes, and everybody claims there’s is the only correct one.

          2. Asp Emp says:

            Violetta….. laughing…. I believe you can obtain the said ingredients and blend it all – just make your own!! ….. laughing…. I must admit I am guilty of doing the same in the past, adding a bit of this and a bit of that…… and still drinking it…… LOL

          3. Violetta says:


            Mea minima culpa.

  3. Gcinile says:

    I live in africa well My ex narc threatened to bewitch me when i refused to get back with him😂😂😂

  4. Ciara says:

    I don’t think Narcs kills unless they have psychopaths tendencies -(Malignant Narcs.)However, Anybody will kill if pushed to far. It’s crazy that anyone would mention killing or wanting somebody dead unless they actually meant it. Not that I would rather them to pursue it , no.

  5. BC30 says:

    It makes me so sad to think so many murder victims are probably victims of narcissists.

    1. A Victor says:

      Me too.

      1. BC30 says:

        Ok, so I came back here because I am certain that most of the murderers I encounter are Lessers. I am noticing it more and more. All the signs are there.

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Little impulse control those Lessers.

          1. BC30 says:


        2. A Victor says:

          Yes, I agree, they are a scary bunch. I think if a mid-ranger committed murder they would try for an insanity plea or would claim it was an accident or would try to get you to pity them in some way to lessen the charge. Lessers I feel like would just do it and then end up in prison. I almost feel bad for lessers, you know they had a crap life in some way and on top of that they’re generally not too bright. Mid-rangers get less sympathy. Greaters, I think HG has said, would hire it out and make sure it was untraceable back to them, that’s the most terrifying one. But I don’t think mid-rangers or greaters do it as often.

          1. BC30 says:

            AV — Absolutely! Greaters would leave no trace. HG know I have a morbid fascination with death and torture, ironically, I can’t bear to watch films like Saw. I talk about serial killers here all the time. Anyhow, I cannot feel bad for Lessers. They know the consequences and make choices. They are not cats! LOL Probably the guy in the song I posted here was a Lesser, and she must be an empath to forgive him and marry after being murdered!!

          2. A Victor says:

            Yeah, giving any narcissist a pass for anything is becoming more and more difficult. I can’t watch things where children or animals are injured or killed. I also don’t like shows with them as the principle players very often either. I don’t watch graphic horror type stuff unless my kids ask me to watch it with them, but then I will. I close my eyes and cover my ears during the scary parts, haha! The ones that are also bad for me are the supernatural things, I don’t watch those unless they have Bruce Willis in them. 🙂

  6. December Infinity says:

    I received death threats from the last narc while he was living off me and using me for everything. Things got so bad that I contemplated suicide and felt depressed. I mentioned this to him and he got enraged, as though I had offended him. At one point I mentioned that I had to go for tests due to a health challenge and he got angry. He stated I was making things up and got very aggressive. Before I ended it with him, there was a huge argument. Things were about to come to blows. I was very scared that I would be seriously injured and/or killed. Let me be very blunt. Do I think he could have been capable of seriously injuring me or killing me? Yes. However, I was so angry after 4 years of non-stop manipulations and abuse that I wasn’t going to take it any longer. Time was up.

  7. Ute says:

    There is one scenario that you do not address re: silent treatment. When there is no reaction to the silent treatment…no crying, or worrying, not reacting…an acceptance, if you will, and calmly going about my business and actually enjoying the lack of drama, etc. Do I get painted black? So when I leave, he will be “happy” to see me go?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      If you are not reacting to the assertion of control, you will most likely offer Challenge Fuel. The narcissist will continue with a different form of a direct assertion of control or if this does not work, will move to the indirect assertion of control (if viable). If not viable or viable but ineffective then the narcissist will move to withdrawal as the third assertion of control.

      If you walk away from the narcissist in the scenario you describe, you will wound.

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