Raising The Hoover Bar
The hoover. It is one of the most discussed periods of the narcissistic entanglement. I am referring to it in the traditional sense, namely the three post-discard/escape hoovers, although as you will be aware from my works, there are other hoovers throughout the interaction between us and you.
There are most likely two reasons for the post discard/escape hoover being a prime topic of discussion. First, by the time you have worked out what you are dealing with you will have already experienced the seduction, devaluation and discard/escape. The post discard/escape hoover is what is occupying you now because it may have happened recently, is ongoing, or you anticipate it happening. The second reason is that the possibility of ongoing interaction with us continues to fascinate you and thus the post discard/escape hoover becomes the focus of much of your attention.
I have explained previously that if the Initial Grand Hoover has taken place and failed (this hoover being caused by your escape) then you will face follow-up hoovers thereafter, of a benign and/or malign nature. Their catalyst is whether you enter our spheres of influence through something you have done (spheres one to five) or the fact you have just entered out mind for some reason (sphere six). If you have entered a sphere of influence, we always consider (though dependent on the nature of your type of narcissist the degree of consideration varies considerably) whether a hoover could be effected. There are certain hurdles which will either prevent that hoover from taking place or reduce the likelihood of it taking place. These hurdles may well raise the bar so it is less likely that the Hoover Execution Criteria are met, meaning it is less likely you will suffer a hurdle. Knowing what these factors are and how we regard them is crucial in formulating your defences to maintain No Contact. What, then, are those hurdles?
- Your Whereabouts
If we do not know where to find you so that we can appear face to face and look to garner some excellent Proximate Fuel by turning up at your home, your work or somewhere else you frequent this naturally poses a considerable problem to us. A Greater Narcissist will apply some effort to ascertaining your whereabouts, a Lesser is unlikely to do much at all. Accordingly, as part of building your defences the necessity of changing where you can be physically found not only pays dividends in commencing No Contact but affecting the likelihood of a later hoover.
- Your Accessibility
In a similar vein we need to be able to contact you. If we do not have a physical place to either attend, drive past, leave or note or send a gift, then we will look to access you through electronic means. If we know your telephone number, we are far more likely to hoover or if we have a means of contacting you through an app or on social media. If you have effected a media blackout and managed to sustain it, the prospects of a hoover happening are vastly reduced.
- Gullibility of Friends and Family
We may have a lieutenant in your ranks already. If so, the prospects of being hoovered are increased as we will have them lined-up to leak to us where we can find you and how we can contact you. Even if there is no lieutenant, if there is the prospect for a hoover we (or one of our lieutenants) will approach people in your camp to gather this information. It is often done under a separate auspice – there may be an emergency, some post has arrived we need to pass on, there is something confidential to relay to you – and if your family and friends are trusted with contact information their susceptibility to releasing this information is important. Bear in mind several months may have passed and if a lieutenant approaches your parents or a friend, they may not be alert to the danger. If those who might have your contact information remain impregnable then the hoover prospects are diminished.
- Happy and Contented
If you are demonstrating (to the outside world at least) that you are happy and contented, then this will affect the hoover prospects. Generally speaking we expect you to still be pining for us and miserable. This is regarded as a condition which is fertile ground for a successful hoover. If we are aware that you are moving forward, you rarely mention us, you appear generally happy and content then the Lesser and Mid-Range of our kind will be less likely to attempt a hoover. This is because they may be easily rebuffed and even though you may do so in a pleasant way, the fuel gained will be minimal. You should be aware however that a Greater will regard you as a prospect to break and therefore will not be dissuaded by seeing you happy and content alone.
- A New Interest
If you happen to have moved on to somebody new, which of course is dependent on the passage of time and other factors, then again a Lesser or a Mid-Range is less likely to hoover. The prospect of being rebuffed and thus wounded through criticism will prove too great a risk to them. They will feel criticised already by knowing you are with someone new when you should be holding a torch and pining for them and they are likely to regard the hoover as too risky, with the prospect for no fuel and further wounding. This will not apply to the Greater Narcissist. We are more likely to apply a malign follow-up hoover and lash out at you and your new partner to get a double fuel strike.
- Your Fuel Potential
You will have been an excellent source of fuel at some point, that is why you were chosen and ensnared, but that changed. The reason hoover fuel is so potent is that you will have recovered to some extent from what has happened to you, you will want to see us or be relieved that we have come back for you (not always but often) and most of all the fact that we have abused you and yet we can still entice you either to start the Formal Relationship again or even to provide fuel shows how powerful we are and thus adds to the potency of the fuel. If you are a super empath or a co-dependent you will be a prime prospect for hoovering. However, if we regard you as still badly crippled by what we did to you so that you have been in effect numbed so that your emotional output is muted or deadened, this will affect whether a hoover will take place. In such circumstances a proxy hoover may take place so a lieutenant can scope you out. Or you may (if circumstances allow) receive a paving the way message which is not a hoover in itself but rather a way of seeing how the land lies to then decide whether a hoover attempt should be made.
- Your Knowledge
If we are aware that you know what we are or have information which could be damaging to us in the form of amounting to a serious criticism this will lessen the likelihood of a hoover. Whilst a Lesser has no awareness of what he or she is, if you do know and you keep making mention of it and adapting your behaviour accordingly, he or she will at least sense there is little fuel to be gained and/or the risk of criticism. Similarly, a Mid-Range will realise that there is something “off” with the situation and think very carefully before being exposed to less fuel and/or criticism. The Greater is not concerned by your knowledge of what he is. He will deny it and look to manipulate the situation to his advantage to draw further fuel, but he will be concerned by anything that could cause criticism.
- The Façade
This carefully constructed and maintained device which we use to repeated effect against you is important. Not only do we use it against you but it will be used against other victims and those who help create the façade provide us with fuel. We do not want this to be damaged or fractured in anyway. If we ascertain that there is a risk of this happening if we hoover you (for instance you have damning evidence of our behaviour which could be circulated if we engage with you) then we will not want the façade damaged by such exposure and accordingly the prospect of a hoover happening will be diminished.
- Energy levels
If you enter our sphere of influence when energy levels are lower as a consequence of lower fuel provision, then the hoover may be regarded as not worth the effort. If, however there is easy accessibility and the prospective fuel gain is considered to be significant then even low energy levels would not be a dissuading factor but if there are other factors as above in place which would prove difficult then when we have low energy levels this makes us less inclined to want to perform the hoover. This situation may arise where we are still embedding a new primary source after your escape or we may not have one yet and we are reliant on fuel from primary sources. If the hoover is perceived as having hurdles and energy levels are low, even though you may have entered a sphere of influence, we may look elsewhere for fuel and not engage in a hoover.
- The Type of Narcissist
The particular type we are has a bearing also. The Lesser will be looking for easy gains, low-hanging fruit and immediate results. The immediacy is important. Lacking the calculation of the Mid-Range and Greater, he will be inclined to hoover if you are in near reach even if there are other hoovers because he is unable to control his thirst for hoover fuel. He will however risk being rebuffed and this will in turn ignite his fury causing him to lash out at you with potential repercussions. If the Lesser does not see an immediate opportunity he will move on. He is akin to an opportunist burglar. The Mid-Range will put a little more effort and planning in but will be cautious in his approach, mindful of the potential repercussions and therefore a few hurdles will put him off. He may apply a little effort to consideration but it does not take too much to cause him to move on. The Greater will need considerable hurdles to prevent a hoover happening when a sphere of influence has been penetrated. If he knows there is very potent hoover fuel he will apply considerable effort, like a well-planned heist, to get those jewels.
These factors need to be taken in consideration with one another to determine the likelihood or not of a hoover happening once the sphere of influence has been penetrated.
24 thoughts on “Raising The Hoover Bar”
I have just posted a comment on ‘Brilliance, Baloney or Bullshit?’.
My Emotional Thinking and Logical Thinking are good, considering that I was recalling two occasions RE: the Lesser.
The first occasion lasted around 20 minutes of ‘engagement’. During his numerous failed ‘hoovers’, I did my own ‘Raising the Hoover Bar’ (deflecting the narcissist’s manipulations).
He was in MY local area, so I was NOT in his ‘Spheres of Influence – What Causes Hoover Triggers’.
In his approaching me (‘The 3 Assertions of Control’), I avoided the ‘Hoover Risk : The Need for the Last Word’ because he removed the requirement for it to take place and I actually had the ‘last word’.
I don’t have the desire to do ‘The 3 Types of Revenge’ because I already served my own ‘word salads’ (‘Understanding Word Salad’), a number of ‘The Empath’s Riposte Grenades’, causing a number of ‘404s’ (‘The 404 Narcissist’), before making my ‘Escape’ and managing a ‘No Contact Regime’ for around 5 years.
Ten of HG’s pieces of work mentioned in the above comment, not bad for a KTN student, eh, HG?
I do get hacked off when hg doesn’t answer my questions, if he’s busy i respect that, if he doesnt av the answer i accept that to but just bloody say so 4 example “i don’t know the answer sorry countalexula.” I’d respect him more then.
Suck it up buddy
There are many different threads with numerous comments to be moderated. The empaths here know that HG answers as many genuine questions as he can with the time he has available. We therefore do not demand or expect our questions to be answered all of the time.
Woo Hoo ! TS. Yeah, good on you lass 🙂
Asp Emp ,
You can buy his time, very worth it.
Could you imagine HG trying to answer every question that he is asked on here, not to mention Facebook, Twitter, etc.? There is not enough time in a day. I think we are lucky that he finds time to drop in as often as he does.
I agree with you 💯, if you have a question you can always buy his time!
Have a great weekend AV!
No, I can’t imagine it. HG ‘dropping in’ here this weekend has already made it awesome!! Have a good weekend also FM1T!
That is true.
Worth every penny and i really enjoy conversing with HG. People should also try to ask innovative questions! HG gets bored, I’m sure.
BC30, yes! I’ve thought about that too, regarding the questions. The very reason I could not be a counselor! Sheer boredom!
And I agree, HG is very pleasant to talk with. And extremely informative, so far he’s had an answer for everything I’ve asked about, and good answers, ones I can take away practical helps from. I’m getting lifelong questions resolved and he makes it seem so easy, because of the logic. Using logic, practicing using it, is what I’m working on, applying it myself to situations is not always easy. But it’s a starting point. And he has given way practical steps for doing this, I just have to put them into use.
Possibly the biggest deficit my parents left me with was not teaching us to use logic. As narcissists I suppose they wouldn’t want us to use it as it might damage their ability to extract fuel from us. My dad was extremely logical, coldly so. But he didn’t teach us to be that way, he left us to absorb things, if we did, on our own. My mother’s ‘logic’ is insane, haha. So I am so happy to have a place to learn this now. It feels literally like a cloud being lifted off of my thinking. And it was a heavy cloud, a depressing cloud. It is a huge relief.
Actually, sometimes he likes other Tudoristas to discuss the issue, preferably citing his books or articles to support a point. Part of the learning.
The Tudorista Tutors!
Speaking of which, I posted a question at the article below about whether to expose the crap going on at my former workplace, Miss Minchin’s Select Seminary for Young Yuppies, or just go no contact, get a job in another field where their smears won’t mean anything (trying to return to academia or office work anyway). Would appreciate if the Tudorites can give me some feedback on what’s the best plan. One friend thought they might pay me money to go away, another thought I owe it to the children, but I wonder if they could take some kind of legal action against me.
You’re playing out the Narc-Empath dynamic. Remember what HG is!
Why do you specifically feel entitled to getting a response from HG? You do realize that he has a lot going on in terms of creating content? Or are you just that important? If so why don’t you pay him for a consultation?
HG is not obligated to answer anyone’s questions.
If he does it’s great , if not book a consultation.
Kiki, I totally agree with you.
Alex, you don’t me calling you Alex? Erm, insulting HG is certainly a way forward! Pay him for a consultation and respect his procedures when you get them 🙂 Of course, HG has an answer for everything. He is The G.O.A.T. Ultra.
Where have you been on YouTube?! Are you ghosting us?!
? He’s posted a metric fuck-ton of Royal Narcissist videos. I’ll never catch up!
That made me laugh. I dog walk and listen. I’m caught up now !