Gabby Petito & Brian Laundrie : Analysis Part Four

 

HG Tudor dissects and analyses in detail the body cam footage from the incident at Woab,Utah on 12 August 2021 so you truly understand what was going on. Sensational insight.

If you want to ensure that others who need help receive it, donate to the Angel Assistance Fund

102 thoughts on “Gabby Petito & Brian Laundrie : Analysis Part Four

  1. Witch says:

    I have a friend who I’m scared will end up like Gabby because honestly she doesn’t listen to reason. I’m hoping this Narc finds someone else but I’m doubtful because he’s ugly as hell

  2. BC30 says:

    So, it was an “accident”?

    Ns are not supposed to want us dead.

  3. WiserNow says:

    This case has become a media frenzy. It shows how such cases are viewed and reported in the US too.

    While Gabby was still missing and her whereabouts were unknown, her father went on the Dr Phil show to talk about her disappearance. When I saw that Dr Phil interviewed him while she was missing, it made me feel sick. Both her father and Dr Phil couldn’t care less about this young woman’s life or safety. They organised a prime-time TV interview while she was missing. To me, it looked like all they cared about was the publicity, attention, ratings and financial gain the ‘story’ provided for them.

    In other cases when I’ve seen a parent on the news due to their son or daughter being missing or kidnapped etc, the parent is crying and pleading for their child’s safe discovery or return. In such cases, the parent is so distraught they can hardly talk and their distress is plain to see.

    Gabby’s father was as cool and detached as can be. He was boasting about his own habit of using girls’ names for her boyfriends. He calmly and smugly explained his ‘theories’ about what happened to her and whether or not Brian Laundrie was responsible. All of this while his daughter was somewhere alone in the wilderness and had been missing for a week! It was extraordinary.

    I can see on social media that very few people want to criticise her parents because it is seen as disrespectful or uncaring to talk badly about the grieving parents. Despite this, I found it very telling that her father and Dr Phil organised a TV interview while she was missing and presumed murdered.

    It made me think that Gabby was ‘imprinted’ or conditioned to accept narcissistic abuse and this played a part in her being in a relationship with Laundrie. I would definitely not be surprised if her father is a narcissist too.

  4. WiserNow says:

    Thank you for your analysis of this case HG. Your breakdown of the police body cam footage is very interesting. It’s a good thing the body cam footage was filmed and also uploaded on YouTube for public viewing.

    So many things about this case are tragic. It’s devastating that Gabby is now dead. RIP Gabby.

    Having said that, if she were still alive, this case would not have blown up all over the world giving everyone a detailed and informative example of narcissism in real-life and how dangerous such toxic relationships can be. I’ve seen many people on YouTube comment how deceptive social media can be too. What people show is their ‘perfect’ lives while the reality behind the uploads is frighteningly different.

    If Gabby was still alive today, nobody would have seen the body cam footage and no-one would be talking about it. The incident would be just another domestic tiff amongst thousands and it would be long forgotten. It makes me think of how many other toxic, abusive relationships there are that go on daily and no-one talks about them.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  5. Duchessbea says:

    HG,
    Excellent analysis of Laundrie. I would be of the opinion that Laundrie is too much of a Coward to have hidden out in the Carlton Reserve in Florida, and that he is on the run having been given a few days head start to getaway. I think the Laundrie family left the silver Mustang at the Carlton Reserve as a diversionary tactic to allow Brian that extra time to head to Mexico or to another National Park somewhere. As an experienced outdoors man he could live for years outdoors. Would you agree?
    Best,
    DB

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you. I will be sharing my observations on such matters in future work.

      1. Duchessbea says:

        Great. Looking forward to it. Thank you HG.
        Best,
        DB

    2. WhoCares says:

      Duchessbea,

      “As an experienced outdoors man he could live for years outdoors.”

      In my opinion, no. Because: fuel needs.

      I look forward to HG’s commentary on this.

      1. Duchessbea says:

        WhoCares,
        You are right, I wasn’t thinking. Likewise looking forward to HG’s commentary.
        Best,
        DB

    3. lickemtomorrow says:

      The parents in this situation are unbelievable. They appear to have helped him every step of the way and had not concern for Gabby, who lived with them for two years, whatsoever. They must be the most despised people in the country right now. I’d say the car at the Reserve was a red herring, and how convenient they left it three days to inform police about his ‘disappearance’. No one even knows if he was in the house when the police first came knocking and were directed to his solicitor, although I think he was seen by neighbours with his parent’s after his return, at least initially. This whole thing has ‘cover up’ written all over it, and I’d love to know why the police weren’t more forceful around the need to question him. Surely if a woman goes missing they have the ability to question the last person who saw her, lawyer or not? Is there something I’m missing here about how this case has been handled? It seems very shoddy on the part of law enforcement. To imagine they have let him ‘slip away’ if he was still there … if that’s the case it would be unimaginable to be Gabby’s parent’s right now in their fight for answers.

  6. Chihuahuamum says:

    It really sickens me how Brian was able to win over these two officers. The female park ranger however didn’t buy into his act and warned Gabby to rethink her relationship with him. She should of also warned her to wait to break up with him until they were back home or she was in a safe place to do so. The break up can be the most dangerous point in a narcissistic relationship.
    Im surprised these officers didn’t ask brian why he was taking control over HER van! It wasn’t his van to lock her out of. He had also taken her phone at one point. Those are bully tactics. Het van and phone were her property and he had no right to do that to her.
    One crucial point that’s been overlooked a lot in the media is Rose Gabby’s friend had mentioned that she said he heard voices in his head. He very well could have scitzophrenia!

    1. Violetta says:

      Or be preparing an insanity defense.

      1. Chihuahuamum says:

        Hi Violetta… He could use that defense and the fact Rose Gabby’s friend mentioned he heard voices would coalign with that.

    2. A Victor says:

      I was wondering about that locking her out of the van too!! How did that not translate to abuse in itself? Was he in it at that time? I thought they were both outside of it and he was telling her they would walk in opposite directions, another thing I wondered about because, excuse me, I’ll walk if I want to, not because anyone tells me to. I didn’t pick up on the female officer talking to her about that but I did notice she seemed less taken in by Brian. He didn’t seem to be addressing her as much either, like he didn’t feel like he needed to control her, it was odd.

      1. Chihuahuamum says:

        Hi A Victor…
        Brian told the officers they were both outside the truck, but she was witnessed trying to get in thru his door with him inside.
        I think he addressed the men because they were more narcissistic in traits. The female park ranger could see right thru Brian and tried to talk sense to Gabby to reevaluate her relationship with him. Possibly she did and that is why she was killed. She may have broken it off with him on the day he killed her.
        Also to take note it was in Utah and some of the male population is Mormon. They view women differently there and tend to side more with men. Men are viewed more important and women don’t hold as much power.

        1. A Victor says:

          Hi Chihuahuamum,
          Yes, I picked up on a few discrepancies, the in or out of the car, and also who owned it, being a couple of them. Yes, Utah is different, that is a good observation to keep in mind. I am so looking forward to hearing more from HG about all of this, I feel like he puts it all into such logical perspective, as only he can! I wonder if we will ever know what triggered it, I suspect it has something to do with this interaction with law enforcement. Oh, yes, the men posed more of a threat to control? Because of their more narcissistic traits? Or, he was more able to suck them in to his game because of the higher N traits? Either way, it is clear that the female ranger did respond in a very different way, almost more logical in a sense, I think. But not to each person in the situation’s own perspective I guess. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, very interesting, it is all good for learning!

          1. Chihuahuamum says:

            Hi A Victor…
            Thank you for your reply! Yes i look forward to more on this case thru HG’s knowledge in regards to narcissism.
            I’d meant that Brian was able to control the 2 officers because of their narc traits. Not to say they were narcs, but possibly had more narc traita opposed to the female ranger. I found them to be dismissive of women and a bit sexist, but they are possibly mormon. Mormons i think view things differently in that respect. There is a lot of polygamy there and catering to men’s needs and their opinions matter more than womens.
            After the 2 were seperated for a night they did continue on traveling for a few days and recorded. They were happy, but the last day she was seen alive Brian was very angry. I have mixed feelings. Either he was involved in the other 2 girls murder and she found out or she tried to end their relationship and he lost it. Something volitile happened. His parents i think are narcissists. How they could help him escape and not reach out to Gabby’s parents is dispicable!

      2. Alexissmith2016 says:

        I agree with CwM. I think the female officer was less taken in by him and so it was a threat to his control so he had to control that which he knew he could.

        I seem to threaten the control of some Ns in a similarish way. I used to wonder why they didn’t like me, now I know.

        1. A Victor says:

          Alexissmith, what do you suppose it is about you that threatens them? This is very interesting, is it useful as a form of narc repellent? Knowing their game, so to speak, and just not playing it? That would threaten them. First would be to determine they are actually narcissists, I’m still working on that part! 😂

    3. lickemtomorrow says:

      I watched an interview with her friend Rose. I didn’t get a very good vibe from her. I wonder if she was also somewhat controlling, like Gabby may have been caught between two narcissists. Although she has potentially shed some light on the controlling aspects of Brian’s nature.

      1. A Victor says:

        LET, I had a similar weird sense about her! Something seemed off, fake, like she wasn’t really concerned at all. It was odd. Maybe HG will cover something there as well. How far out can he go though, given limited info about different people. But, yes, something odd there.

        1. lickemtomorrow says:

          AV, glad you agree. I only saw a short clip of an interview with her – I think it was the first time she was being interviewed on camera – but she did seem somewhat unconcerned, although it’s hard to know what editing does to create certain impressions also.

          A couple of red flags:
          a) Gabby met Rose online
          b) She said Gabby had no friends – likely reason or her to be online to make new friends in Florida – and also that she was isolated due to Brian’s influence. Of course, we know that could be true, but the next point raises another red flag for me in relation to Rose and her influence, or need to influence.
          c) They shared a ‘tracking app’ on their phones so they knew eachother’s locations.

          That last one creeps me out. I wouldn’t allow anyone to have the ability to track me on my phone unless I was fearful of someone else in my life. It’s possible this could be Gabby’s reasoning, and we don’t know who suggested it, but there is a real lack of boundaries in this newfound friendship from my point of view.

          Rose also refers to incidents where Gabby came to her when she and Brian were fighting, and basically gives the exact same details as Gabby provided when she and Brian were pulled over – basically that she slapped him and Brian pushed her. Maybe they had a habit of slapping and pushing eachother during arguments, i.e. getting physical. I just don’t know how much is true and how much she just pulled out of the police interview.

          Here’s another couple of interesting comments from Rose:

          “Neither of us had any friends”
          “We just went everywhere together”
          “We’d tell people she was my emotional service human”

          I’m probably seeing more red flags as I’m typing here, but she sounds like she was trying to obtain as much control over Gabby as Brian may have done, hence my comment about Gabby being caught between two narcissists.

          1. A Victor says:

            LET,

            “We’d tell people she was my emotional service human” – wow!! If that’s not objectifying, I don’t know what is! You’ve seen much more of this “friend” than I have, I only saw a short clip and instantly did not feel she was really concerned. But, like you said, it could be editing, so I didn’t give it much more thought until I saw your previous comment. Your new comment here is really interesting. They tracked each other?? That is super creepy! Poor Gabby, she was likely the victim of several narcissists in her short lifetime.

          2. lickemtomorrow says:

            AV, I probably saw the same clip you did – an initial interview- when I made my first comment. I went to an article after that to discover more which may have included information from subsequent interviews. The tracking app was mentioned in the first interview I saw, but the comment about Gabby being her “emotional service human” was new to me. It just added to my original impression that Gabby was vulnerable and her ‘friend’ Rose was using her in much the same way Brian was, which also made me think there were two narcs going head to head trying to get control. Apparently Rose was due to join them on their trip around the point in time it all went south (so to speak) and this could have been an added factor in the tensions between Brian and Gabby, too. He didn’t like Rose, or Gabby hanging out with Rose, she challenged his control, and Gabby was piggy in the middle between the two of them. I can imagine Gabby feeling pressured by both of them to satisfy their needs, and maybe Rose was part of the reason they fought. It wouldn’t matter if she was a narcissist from Brian’s perspective, the main thing being he was the one in control. Gabby may have threatened his control by insisting Rose join them. There are so many threads to this story which are yet to be untangled. I’m looking forward to understanding more when the time comes.

          3. Asp Emp says:

            LET, thank you for the information on her “friend”. Bloody hell, the tracking is like WTF. Ok, that is understandable for a child / parent. Yes, I also watched a short video of Rose too. I was paying a lot of attention to her eyes more than anything else……I did wonder because there was the similarity – plastic (god, I started laughing as I typed that word)……

            MRN I knew also said the same words RE: friends, meaning he did not “talk” to anyone else……I suppose the pity-playing-victim-card……

            “Emotional service human”….fking hell! A clear indication, in my view, Gabby was Rose’s appliance / object – those 3 words, to me, are Narcspeak. Saying that Gabby is not human but pretending to be one hence using the 3 words…….I’d smack Rose one for that statement alone……no normal, nor empath would have come up with anything like that…..

          4. lickemtomorrow says:

            Hey AspEmp, I would have to agree, no normal or empath would come up with a phrase like “emotional service human” – fking hell is right! What is an emotional service human? Someone who provides or services you with emotion, that would be my guess. Gabby is providing something Rose needs. She’s so sure of it she tells other people about it. Gabby isn’t her ‘friend’, she’s her ’emotional service human’ – very objectifying. And what does Rose see herself as if she refers to Gabby as ‘human’? Not human? I think she knows she lacks feeling or emotion, which makes her in a sense ‘inhuman’, which also means she needs to attach herself to someone like Gabby to become more human. Someone like Gabby would make her seem more likeable and Gabby could be of use helping her to connect to others. Just thinking about this creeps me out a bit as the idea of using people in that way is anathema to an empath, but no doubt she doesn’t see herself as using Gabby having no awareness of what she is – and I’m convinced she is a narcissist, too.

          5. Asp Emp says:

            LET, I started laughing when I read the start of your response….An “emotional service human” is a talking washing machine 😉 Interesting though, Rose gave her facade away by those words alone! I suppose the more we learn about narcissists and their ‘language’ (spoken or body) – the more we “notice”…..

            I agree with what you say though. Thank you for your reply, LET, good to read as usual 🙂

  7. Asp Emp says:

    Hmmm, it appears to me that it seems to be a rather common ‘stance’ that a narcissist ‘adopts’ – standing there with their hands clasped in front of them with that look of ‘I am not guilty’ on their faces – when they are in “assessment mode” (their narcissism ‘assessing’ any potential threats to control and / or maintaining the position as if waiting to ‘strike’ by asserting control, when the moment arises).

    The girl’s father ‘adopts’ a similar ‘stance’ in a video that I observed.

    The ‘asserting of control’ appeared to occur at the same time he moves his arms and starts gesturing with his hands……

    HG, I agree with one of the commentors on YT that these videos would be of real constructive ‘training material’ for police forces.

    Thank you, HG for doing these. I found them interesting, not enjoyable because of the seriousness of the harsh realities of narcissism and it’s affects over those concerned. Some of your education makes for harrowing learning on occasion and this is one of those times. Yet it is still very important to share this information. For some reason or another, the image from your article ‘Toxic Logic’ (the one flower within a barren landscape) came into my mind as I typed these last few words….with a somewhat subdued and reflective mood.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Thank you, HG.

    2. Leigh says:

      Asp, its interesting that you said the girl’s father adopted the same stance. I’m questioning if he’s a narcissist too. They had the funeral for Gabby this past weekend and it was opened to the public. I thought that was a HUGE red flag. He even livestreamed the service and his eulogy. It all feels like a way to get fuel and assert control.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Leigh, thank you for that. I think it’s all in the ‘body language’ 😉 Not necessarily just narcissists though. Maybe the father (or, if he is a narcissist, his narcissism) “advised” him to make it public….then again, it is early days into the whole investigation. Livestreaming your own daughter’s funeral and his eulogy – it does sound like red flags ‘announcements’.

        HG’s ‘Why Can’t They See It Too?’ springs to my mind……

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Indeed.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Thank you, HG 🙂

      2. A Victor says:

        Yes, and he doesn’t even seem upset! The step dad seems more upset! But, the step dad had the blinking eyes in an interview I saw with him. If they are both narcissists, the step dad is more effective I think.

      3. Truthseeker6157 says:

        Leigh,

        Agree. Privacy issue. I’m starting to think that utter disregard of privacy is one of the easier behaviours to spot. It must fall under lack of boundary recognition but to me it feels like privacy invasion. Opening a funeral up to public scrutiny is utterly bizarre in my book. I can’t imagine ever doing that, even to publicise the case and increase awareness that Laundrie is still on the run. It feels like nails down a chalk board and wreaks of narcissist.

        Laundrie’s family too. Similar deal. They aren’t being evasive simply to defend Laundrie. They are evasive because emotional empathy is absent.

        1. Leigh says:

          TS, I would agree that disregard to privacy is definitely a lack of boundary recognition. Although in this case, it was his daughter so he probably didn’t see a need to be private. Did you see LET’s response? Her take on it is an opposing view but it does make some sense.

          1. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Hey Leigh,

            Just read LET’s response. Hey LET x

            I can see the thinking here, public appeals do take place in cases like this one. It is possible that the aim is to keep the case in the public eye so that more are on the look out for Laundrie. It’s very possible.

            I also think in some ways we attempt to find a reason for behaviours that feel ‘off’. That’s part of who we are, so it’s difficult to know if we are being overly harsh, or if our gut is right. I alluded to a similar thought by way of explanation in my comment, so I can see where LET is coming from here.

            Personally though, It doesn’t sit right with me. The father’s comments are valid about leaving an unhealthy relationship. I just don’t think I would be capable of making that comment at that particular time. Too soon. Later yes, right now? No.

            It reminds me of that actress who publicised her miscarriage. Raising awareness of the loss that accompanies a miscarriage is valid. You would do it later though. Not immediately after it happened. I feel similarly as regards the behaviours being displayed here. They don’t feel genuine. They feel cognitive not emotional.

            Xx

          2. Leigh says:

            TS, Mr. Tudor has alluded in one of the videos about Gabby that is her abuse started before Brian came in the picture. I’m thinking my gut instincts were right here. We shall see.

          3. lickemtomorrow says:

            Hey TS 🙂

            Happy to read your thoughts on this, and I can say I agree. There is something ‘off’ about how this has all gone down with both families, and it makes me feel even sorrier for Gabby, ultimately being caught between a rock and a hard place. Many of us will know how that feels, caught between the narcissist and our family. Neither option is a good one. Which might explain why she persevered with Laundrie even if the situation wasn’t right. I have so many thoughts around this case.

            I haven’t watched any videos or shows involving either Gabby’s father or stepfather. It seems the men have taken charge as I’m hearing little from the mother, which could be an indication of a cowed empath. And I think my initial reaction or thoughts were coming from a more empathic place. How would I feel if that was my daughter? How would I feel if I couldn’t get answers and people weren’t talking? I would be distraught, and I would also be furious! I honestly don’t know where my emotions would take me.

            I think I would want my grief to be personal and my anger to be public. That probably sums it up for me. I wouldn’t hold a public, live streamed, service because grief to me is a personal thing. But we do need people to share in it. I think the public has shown many times they are capable of doing that in a variety of ways and the initiative should come from them. And yes, I would be too distraught to think of opening the whole thing to public display. I can definitely see where the element of narcissism could link in with Gabby’s side of the family.

            I often feel for parents in these circumstances who have to publicly display their grief and trauma when something like this happens, either due to police advising it or due to press intrusion. I don’t think I could front a camera in distress, and I would expect people to be awkward about that. When people seek the camera and an element of the limelight, that is when a red flag is raised for me. In that sense, I’m definitely leaning more towards the narcissistic element being apparent in Gabby’s family also.

            Interesting comment earlier about Laundrie’s family and their lack of empathy. There is more than a distinct lack of empathy, people are outraged at their behaviour, and what we may have is two families headed by narcissists and going head to head. Somehow, in the midst of it all, there is the solitary figure of a broken young woman who paid the ultimate price for her entanglement/s with a narcissist. The more I write, the sadder I feel.

            And the more beneficial I find this site to be xox

          4. Truthseeker6157 says:

            LET,

            “ I think I would want my grief to be personal and my anger to be public.” Exactly. Like you I can’t imagine even being able to face family and friends if my child was taken from me in those circumstances. I can’t imagine being able to speak, I just imagine that ache crushing through my chest. I don’t even want to think about it.

            I think that poor girl was utterly surrounded by narcissists. Trapped every which way, it’s an incredibly sad tale. The thought of her on the road seeing all of those beautiful places, yet so entirely alone in it. Laundrie chip chip chipping away at her, ruining it all, such a horrible shame.

            I see that her family all got matching tattoos in remembrance. Well that’s nice. “ See how much we miss her, see how united we are in grief, look at us and our tattoos.” Vile. One of them is actually smiling in the photo. I assume that’s the uncle, jumping in on the action. As we know, where there’s a funeral, it’s like sounding the feeding bell for the narcs. I’m sure he’s distraught, of course, they would have been very very close.

            Stories like this remind me of what we were all dealing with. The masks come off and what we see is truly repugnant. This is what our own narcissists were like underneath.

            I think HG has done an excellent job with this series. The explanations alongside the video footage and the linking back to articles makes real sense of it. I look forward to his analysis of the behaviours shown by the two families.

            There’s a lot of learning to be drawn out of this series. I’m beginning to think that whilst everyone might not react to things in exactly the same way as me, that my reactions are almost a norm or control. So if there is something that I really would never consider doing, such as talking about a miscarriage directly after a miscarriage, then, something isn’t right. If we can both say those circumstances surrounding Gabby’s death would cause us to grieve privately above all else, then that’s the norm. Behaviours that are in total opposition to that are highly suspect. I’m done making excuses for poor behaviour. We know what’s right and what’s wrong. I’m sticking to what I know going forward. No more Mrs Nice Guy / Gal !

            That sounds like a criticism of your first comment. It’s not meant to be at all. I thought the same thing at first, maybe they just want to keep the case in the public eye. There are cases where family members are interviewed and I agree sometimes you can see the discomfort that goes with the choice to face the cameras when they are dying inside. It makes sense that the publicity around the funeral was done for similar reasons but instinctively it feels all wrong. It feels like a pretence. We need to listen to our instincts because I honestly think our instincts are rarely wrong. We just don’t always follow them.

            Xx

          5. lickemtomorrow says:

            Hey TS, I appreciate you sharing your thoughts again and I didn’t read that as a criticism of my first comment. I hadn’t focused on Gabby’s family’s reaction initially, simply because I was too focused on the Laundrie family’s lack of reaction, if that makes sense. I was totally focused on the need to get answers and the people who weren’t giving them, so I gave Gabby’s family plenty of leeway in the circumstances.

            You’ve made some really good points, and the matching tattoos is kind of creepy, though lots of people will read that as ‘sentimental’. I haven’t seen or read anything about it, but it does smack of the families drawing attention to themselves rather than Gabby, even though the tattoos are supposedly for her. A lot of people will think she deserves to be remembered and that is one way of the family showing a united front while doing that. Those are the people who perhaps haven’t yet been introduced to the idea of narcissism, much like my original comment wasn’t focused on it being an insidious element of Gabby’s life and experiences. It can catch us even when we are aware at times.

            I hear you on being done with making excuses for poor behaviour. As empaths we are inclined to give so much leeway which is, of course, what the narcissist relies on. We give people the benefit of the doubt, try to see things from their perspective, make allowances for their behaviour in the circumstances. In that sense, we need to see how close narcissism sails to the wind of our empathy. None of those things are wrong in and of themselves, or on the basis of us having empathy. Where they do go wrong is in the instance of someone taking advantage of them. That’s what we need to be on the lookout for, I think.

            It is also a good idea to rely on our instincts and know that if something doesn’t feel right it probably isn’t. Our first take is often our best one, but we’re inclined not to want to make judgements. Our empathic nature gives narcississts a free pass when they shouldn’t get one. We truly have to wrestle with ourselves and our natures in this context.

            The idea of Gabby pinning so many of her hopes and dreams on that trip and Brian dismantling them one by one, as you describe, is really saddening. Especially when you imagine the beauty of scenery and it’s meaning to someone who could truly appreciate it. The narcissist loves to dash our hopes and our dreams. It’s what gives them fuel as they see the power and control they have over us with their ability to act just like God – “the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away”. My last narc dashed plans with regard to a holiday, which I now understand was a matter of future faking, but he must have felt just like God to pull that rug out from under me. If we’d taken that trip together I can only imagine how much worse it would have been, a dream holiday turned into a nightmare.

            “Stories like this remind me of what we were all dealing with. The masks come off and what we see is truly repugnant. This is what our own narcissists were like underneath.” Definitely. It’s a thought to hold onto going forward, whenever we fall into the trap of remembering the ‘good times’ … what was underneath them was a whole lot of bad, and the bad was the reality. The good was only an illusion xox

          6. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Hi Leigh,

            Yes, I heard HG allude to the fact that there was more to draw from Gabby’s upbringing. She was still so young, I don’t think she really had a chance to see the abuse for herself. She hadn’t yet seen enough of the world. Hooked up to her family then hooked up to him and his family, not enough life experience to even suspect that what she was putting up with wasn’t normal.

            We’ve all been ensnared here. We found our way to this blog because we knew that the situations we were in just weren’t right. Gabby wouldn’t even have had the opportunity to recognise that, let alone do something about it. Just a nice girl. They only go for the nice ones don’t they? Arseholes.

          7. Leigh says:

            TS, ditto, they are arseholes! That’s why I think its such a great idea that Mr. Tudor is on Tik Tok. He can reach the younger generation that way.

            Mr. Tudor, if I may make a suggestion. Reels on Facebook and Instagram might be another avenue to reach people. I love Reels.

          8. HG Tudor says:

            Thank you for the suggestion, Leigh.

          9. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Hey LET,

            Thank you for your response and for understanding where I was going with mine. Yes, it really is a difficult balance to strike when our natural way of being is so open and non judgemental, comparatively at least.

            I think the blog is really helpful in this context. Often ideas and opinions are shared here and they can differ quite substantially, but nine times out of ten I can see where those thoughts and opinions originate. They feel genuine and from a good place even when they might be in contrast to mine. Over time I think it helps for us to consider those views, the way they are put forward and contrast them with behaviours we have witnessed and experienced with the various narcissists in our lives. I think in this way red flags might become more obvious and have us saying, “No actually, there is no excuse for that.” It’s just plain selfish.” or It feels restrictive, invasive, it feels controlling.” I don’t mean with regards to the subject matter of this thread necessarily, just in general terms. Benefit of the doubt is a real tough one for us because we switch places with people so often, as you say, the very nature of our empathy. I have to accept that sometimes I will make the wrong call too. On balance though I think those first instincts, those first impressions, warrant our attention, even if it’s then to hang back and look for more evidence in support of them.

            I think often the narcissist mimics the empathy seamlessly but the timing is off. I agree, some people would see the tattoos as a genuine gesture of remembrance. If that was done privately, months down the line, it might be, but at that point, in all of the confusion, at the height of your agony, you choose to go as a group to get tattoos and then get photographed? Timing. The timing is off because the empathy is absent, so the gestures fall out of sync with what a person, even a normal with empathy would naturally do. Timing of gestures and behaviours is one to watch. Timing is completely off in the lovebombing phase too. Lovely gestures but too many, too soon, in quick succession and out of sync, off the pace.

            This series of videos is extremely instructive because the people involved have been in the public eye, enabling us to watch them, form opinions and contrast them with our own behaviours. HG is so very well researched too, so his observations are water tight. Difficult to watch the story unfold but if we push through I think these videos open lots of avenues for consideration and real learning. I’m very glad HG elected to follow Gabby’s story and analyse exactly what it is we are seeing.

            Feels like ages since we spoke for some reason, it’s nice to ‘hear’ your voice. 😘xx

          10. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Hey Leigh,

            Totally agree. Love it or loathe it, TikTok has a far younger age profile than many other platforms. Narcissists don’t suddenly emerge fully formed at age 30. They are circulating and impacting others far sooner. In terms of awareness, it’s crucial that HG reaches that younger audience. As was the case with Gabby Petito, the younger section of the population are amongst the most vulnerable out there.

            Xx

      4. lickemtomorrow says:

        Leigh, it does seem like an attention grab, and at the same time perhaps he wanted to honour his daughter’s memory as fully as possible. He understood people were invested in the case, and Brian has still not been found. He may have wanted to keep it front and centre in the public’s mind and honour his daughter at the same time, while also challenging Brian’s parent’s who have been about as unhelpful as they could be up to this point. There’s a part of me that would want to get in the face of people who had wounded my so egregiously. Just thinking there could be a number of factors influencing the family and I think Gabby deserves recognition. He also helped to raise awareness of bad relationships and the need to leave them, which can only be a positive in the long run. I think people around the world have joined this family in their grief and, though I didn’t attempt to watch the service, I think allowing the concerned public to take part was not completely remiss.

        I see Dog the Bounty Hunter has also made an appearance! I used to love his show and watched it with my children when they were younger. Now I kind of shake my head and wonder why? I was heartbroken to hear about Beth’s ilness and death, but Dog has moved on already. Narcissist much? I’d love to know HG’s thoughts on that one! But, Dog is my guy for finding people who don’t want to be found. I really hope he can turn up some leads and apparently he’s had lots of tips. Not sure the police will be happy about his involvement, but I think he’s promised to hand any information on. It’s not like Brian’s got a literal ‘bounty’ on his head, at least not yet.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Dog made a tit of himself knocking at the door and expecting them to answer because “it is me”. Some exciting footage of him standing and knocking and knocking and knocking.

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            Haha, I would have to agree. He did look like a tit, and no doubt it was all for show … definitely trying to up his profile. But, Dog gets his man, or woman, (that’s if reality TV can be relied upon) and inspires a certain amount of confidence. He’s like a dog with a bone, doesn’t let go. Not sure it would put the fear of God into Brian if he knew Dog was on his trail, but I’m glad to see him joining the search. Partly because the police seem to have let Brian slip through their fingers. In all honesty he could be anywhere by now and his guilt, from my perspective, is guaranteed. What a chicken shit.

          2. Chihuahuamum says:

            Hi HG…i thought that too of Dog. I’m surprised the authorities are allowing him to be involved the way he is.

          3. Asp Emp says:

            C, well, we know why don’t we? 😉

        2. Leigh says:

          LET, this is why I love this blog. We all have different views. Thank you for sharing your viewpoint. Its not something I would do but I could certainly see why her father would want to keep this in the public eye. At least until Brian is caught.

          You say, “There’s a part of me that would want to get in the face of people who had wounded my so egregiously.” I could definitely agree with that. I’d want to get in there face too. I’d want to call Brian’s parents out on not being helpful.

          I hope Dog the Bounty Hunter finds Brian and hope he gets what he deserves.

          1. BC30 says:

            I would have wanted it to be public to aid in bringing someone to justice and finding my loved one, but I would be inconsolable. I would not have been able to be in the public eye.

          2. lickemtomorrow says:

            Leigh, I would have to agree. It’s not something I would do either, and he seems to have taken advantage of the enormous public interest in the case. It is a platform, but if it’s a platform that helps to find this turd, regardless of the father’s own status as a narcissist or not, then I hope it works.

            The fact condolences were passed on by Brian’s family’s solicitor after Gabby’s body was found was just about as insincere as it can get. Thankfully that was thrown back in their face by the family. What a provocation. It was done for show, in my opinion, and they would have done better just to keep their mouths shut. They’ve done nothing but cover for their son and act as his enabler. Maybe HG could take a look at this behaviour as well, there are so many angles to this story. Possibility of parental narcissists on both sides, enabling criminal activity, overt public displays of grief, etc.

            In the midst of it all a young woman is dead. It’s heartbreaking to think she had to die for so much of this to come to light, including the need for law enforcement to become better informed.

        3. Asp Emp says:

          LET, I read what you had to say about the father. I understand where you are coming from. At the same time, could it be an instinctual ‘deflection’ on his part?

          I looked at some photos from various sources and in one of them, I could see (in my perspective), how chilling his eyes looked. I was not perturbed by that in itself. Then I wondered, just wondered, if he has anything to hide?

          Oh, yeah, I recall Dog the Bounty Hunter too.

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            AspEmp, you raise more interesting points about Gabby’s father. I’ve just offered up some thoughts to TS and agree with others suspicions that we are dealing with more than one narcissist in this scenario, and there are likely parental narcissists on both sides. What a nightmare! For Gabby especially. You might be interested to read my further comment about her friend Rose as well. What I am sensing is a whole cluster of narcs feeding off her and her inability to see what she is entangled with. This is part of the consequence of having a parental narcissist, as many of us can testify. It’s all we know. To us all that ‘drama’ feels familiar and even necessary. This is what love is – the ups and downs, highs and lows, etc. We lack boundaries, insight, knowledge, understanding. It can take so long and so many bad experiences to finally help us realize. But with so many narcissists feeding off her, I’d say Gabby had little chance of escape without a serious intervention, and it’s a shame that one opportunity with law enforcement was the one that passed her by 🙁 Taking the blame for the actions of the narcissist can have dire consequences, but I know from my own experience we make excuses for them, diminish their responsibility, give them leeway to continue with their behaviour. I doubt I would have done any differently in Gabby’s situation. I likely wouldn’t have stood up for myself either and played down my injury to enable the blame shifting to occur. It’s what we do, and it needs to stop. I just wish it could have stopped for her sooner.

    3. A Victor says:

      Oh wow! My boss mentioned her dad this morning, wondering how he could be keeping it so together!! Is he a narcissist too? That would help account for her falling prey to this behavior possibly, though I know empaths from good homes are ensnared also. Your observation about the clasped hands is good, I mentioned that in relation to my ex but didn’t take it further, thank you for that. And where HG mentions the eyes darting back and forth, that I have seen also. And, Brian has the dead eyes, this makes me queasy now.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        AV, considering the fact that Gabby was very young, she appeared to have suffered years of repeated abuse – hence her overall demeanor when conversing with the police. That ‘abuse’ did not originally start with Brian. It was from childhood, I would suggest. There is a step-father in the picture too……so there is a lot of ‘mitigating circumstances’ that took place a long time before she died. I don’t know if the father has ‘dampened’ emotional empathy or a lack of it. Yes, I noticed the ‘eyes’ too……I was watching…..

        1. A Victor says:

          Yes, I picked up on the step father also. Who knows, HG will explain it I imagine. I hope. And I do agree she was a victim prior to Brian.

      2. Leigh says:

        AV, something doesn’t quite seem right. Im definitely leaning towards her father being a narcissist as well.

    4. lickemtomorrow says:

      Does the hand holding in front of the narc, or the ‘fig leaf’ pose remind you of a child? That just came to my mind. The way a naughty child might present when they know they are about to get into trouble for something. And what is it about protecting the genitals? Perhaps one of our most vulnerable parts, and in terms of being ‘seen’ it is the place we consider most private. Hiding from yourself takes on a whole new meaning in that context. I wonder what the body language experts would say about that? I don’t think I’ve heard anything about it so far, but I’ll be interested to see if it comes up.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        LET, thank you for your views (out-loud-thoughts). Interesting to read 🙂 I know what you mean RE: the child. Yes, to a degree, it is possibly indirectly what you have said – a) guilt, b) protection. I would suggest it is more instinctual as a child, and as an adult, either an unaware narcissist, or someone with the more vulnerable “conditions” ie maybe Aspergers, sometimes, maybe even an ACON?

        I can assure you that I have never been kicked in the balls 😉

        1. lickemtomorrow says:

          Haha, AspEmp 😛 You’ve definitely got ‘balls’ 😉

          I think the body language thing is instinctual, which is what can make it such a giveaway. These are the things we don’t think about and are often beyond other people’s perceptions as well. Only an expert would know what to look for, and there are moments where we can read too much into things. It can be very hard to tell. I tend to rely on my instincts which create an overall impression and body language may come into that, but not some of the subtleties that are noticed by experts.

          One video I watched by a body language expert on a different case highlighted a very slight movement of a facial muscle which indicated an element of contempt. I had to watch it a few times to understand how he came to that conclusion. It really was very subtle and not something that would be noticed unless you were studying the footage of the interview closely. It could easily pass unnoticed otherwise.

          I don’t doubt we all display various elements of body language without any kind of awareness. Like leaning in when we are really listening to someone. Leaning away when we feel the need to distance ourselves. We won’t even be consciously aware of it, our body just reacts to the circumstances. It is a fascinating area of study and even more interesting when experts clash, or disagree, on what certain aspects mean. I guess it is up to us to decide who we agree with in the end.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            LET, I’ve just seen your comment…..ok, I am replying now 🙂

            I agree with the body language and the instinctual. You made me laugh saying “there are moments where we can read too much into things” (especially when they adopt the fig leaf stance 😉 ), I also agree though. Maybe I should share here, it is something that people may notice (or not), there is a sort of shuffling of the feet (almost like, ah, fk, I’ve been rumbled – it occurs either when there is nervousness or excitement – I have observed this from male adults, females do not do it as much, if at all). Hmmm. I wonder. I have referred it as the ‘male aspie dance’. Having said that, females do the ‘dance’ too, when caught on the hop (nervousness), or can sometimes appear overboard with their excitement, like a puppy yapping…..(FFS).

            The gesturing by the hands / arms movement could be considered further ‘indicators’ of the person’s thinking (even if from instinctual aspect).

            It is actually quite surprising how much a Deaf person can ‘pick up’ from observing the body language of other people, even the shortest time frame of such – instants, can be observed. LOL. Especially during a ‘404’ moment of a narcissist.

            So, I have wondered whether the narcissist holding their hands is a way of instinctively asserting their control of themselves, as to not ‘reveal’ too much without realising why ? Like you say, it can be interpreted in different ways by people.

          2. lickemtomorrow says:

            AspEmp, always interesting to read your comments, and I want to express an appreciation of the need for deaf people, or people with hearing difficulties, to find a variety of ways to communicate with others, and while they may not be able to pick up subtleties in tone, etc, in speech, they could more accurately discern body language when communicating. Good point about the shuffling feet and arm gestures. The shuffling feet once again reminds me of children, and hanging the head in shame, which is where I think a combination of these things could indicate what’s really going on. Interesting about the ‘male aspie dance’. My middle daughter’s boyfriend has Asperger’s and it’s been interesting getting to know and understand the impact of that on him and their relationship. For the most part it’s been positive and she is my huge empath so no doubt lending her understanding goes a long way, too <3

            Could the "instinctively asserting their control of themselves, as to not 'reveal' too much" also be a little like hiding from themselves (which I mentioned earlier)? In terms of interpretation that's two different ways to look at it which could still lead us along the same path 🙂

          3. Asp Emp says:

            LET, thank you for your words of consideration which show understanding communication difficulties for Deaf people.

            RE: the shuffling of feet in children, they also may do this when they need to use the bathroom but the situation may cause an issue with them putting the message across – quite a number of ‘variations’ in the similar ‘body language’, so I would look for further ‘clues’ before prompting by asking a couple of questions.

            Ah, someone with Aspergers? I was given a book around 20 years ago but I found it useful / interesting, ‘Loving Mr Spock’ by Barbara Jacobs. It’s a really good source to find information to understanding Aspergers, I would recommend it to anyone who may need it.

            Why was I given this book? It was part of a way of my sister explaining to me that I have Aspergers and that my father had it too (I got a formal diagnosis 15 years later! – forced by ‘circumstances’).

            RE: your last paragraph. Interesting. I would be inclined to agree with you on what you suggest here. Is it a narcissist? Is it Aspergers? Hence my saying earlier – look for further ‘clues’ in the body language, and the words they say. Why did I suggest Aspergers? Let’s say a guy who likes a girl, will either be all shy, or overly ‘loud’ (to hide their true ‘feelings’). I have seen this, hence why people can get the wrong ‘impression’ when it comes to ‘analysing’ someone (trying to work them out) yet lacks the knowledge of such ‘conditions’.

            When you say “In terms of interpretation that’s two different ways to look at it which could still lead us along the same path” – it does depend on which ‘lens’ is being ‘used’ to look through. I would, therefore, suggest that there are many ways of looking ‘in terms of interpretation’.

            Adding to that, I would suggest Aspergers (whether aware of it, or not) can be instinctively ‘drawn’ to narcissists, maybe empaths too and vice versa.

  8. A Victor says:

    I’m guessing he’s a Lower Mid Range. The way he clasps his hands in front of himself is chilling to me. It was even when I watched this a couple of days ago, my ex did that identically and often in stressful (to him) situations. This breakdown is so educational and well done, thank you HG.

    1. WhoCares says:

      AV – I think he is LMRN too!

      1. Z - zwartbolleke says:

        WhoCares,
        Well I read a lot of you thinking LMR.
        I am not sure.
        I didn’t expect a LMR to hold the facade that good and that long and with that much of succes as Laundrie did.
        Like if I imagine my mother, the hatred towards the police would be palpable, it would not be such a splendid show of Mr/Ms Nice-guy/Nicelady, there would have been too many challenges to control to maintain that facade.
        The strength of the facade makes me place him higher, like in team anodyne.

        Now go the forum quickly: there is a surprise waiting 😉, finally!

        1. A Victor says:

          Z – zwartbolleke,
          Your assessment makes sense to me.

          I had thought he is so much like one of my narcs in the absolute fury that must’ve caused him to kill her in the end, and also my narc would’ve been in their glory collecting fuel in that instance, a LMR. What’s funny is that my narc, in this situation, would seem largely unconcerned about their facade slipping, once control had been obtained, as in comparison to the MMRA would’ve made it look effortless.

          But, Laundrie’s physical demeanor matched much better with another of my narcs who is a very anodyne MMRA. This narc of mine would’ve been more concerned about maintaining the facade, would’ve been actively working at it, more like Laundrie was.

          I didn’t think Laundrie was smart enough to be a UMR but one of the YT videos may have pointed in that direction.

          The fact that there was any facade at all was what made me even go with mid-range, I would’ve guessed a lesser without the facade.

          It will be interesting to find out, if HG ever tells us! Thank you for sharing your thoughts, good to consider.

    2. Eternity says:

      A Victor, he may be a LMR because there is a bit of the facade there. I just can’t believe these Police Officers having conversation with him. One in particular about his wife’s anxiety and her medication. Made me so mad ! We are always the ones who are crazy right? Now look at the one who is crazy now .

      1. Nadège says:

        I was shocked by the behavior of the police officer too. Why was he babbling about his wife and her personal problems? That was so unnecessary and uncalled for. The policeman didn’t know Brian, he had no idea of the REAL background of Brian’s troubles with Gabby, so why on earth did he mention his wife? To seem nice? To be friendly and relatable? Maybe Brian’s narcissism had that effect on him?

        1. A Victor says:

          Nadege, I thought that was odd too, and highly unprofessional.

        2. Asp Emp says:

          N, thank you for sharing your thoughts. Maybe you have answered your own questions here? You have shared an ‘example’ of what I would class as ‘mirroring’, likened to “you are not the only one with ‘issues’ and mine are ‘worse’ than yours”, similar to HG’s ‘Empath’s Riposte Grenades – # 5. Jim has one only his is better’. In my view, that is Narcspeak.

          Having said that, I know of a specific doctor who did exactly the same thing on a number of occasions, so basically that doctor was not really listening to the patient’s concerns – it was not a social chit-chat, cup of tea ‘situation’!

          So, in saying that, there are some professions where I now strongly feel that narcissists should not be working in. After all there are some people with other ‘conditions’ that are considered “not suitable” for some fields of work, so why this same ‘example’ cannot be applied to those with narcissism too? They’d have to be ‘identified’ first, of course.

  9. lickemtomorrow says:

    He provoked her. It’s her van and he takes the keys. That is a provocation. Telling her to calm down when he has instigated the upset is a provocation. These officers are buying the ‘excuse’ around the old hat notion that women are the hysterical or emotional ones and men are the ones who have to somehow grin and bear it. They are not taking into account the level of provocation in taking her keys and telling her to calm down. That is belittling in itself. Why is she upset? Brian claims it’s because he is not clean, or his feet are dirty. Oh man, how many guys have had their wives and girlfriends complain about similar issues? It’s easy for the officers to buy into what Brian is selling.

    “You pushed her to create distance” – officer leading again, feeding into Brian’s narrative and overlaying his own perceptions of the situation.

    I hope a thorough look is taken at this footage and the part the officers unknowingly play in feeding into the narrative Brian is presenting. Another concern I have around it is the fact it will help create an alibi for him down the road – if and when he is caught (if the ‘gators haven’t gotten him already). Some jurors will look at that and accept the officers stance with regard to Brian. It’s like he ended up in a situation where he was just defending himself again. That is what they will think. Or at least how the Defence could portray it. Reasonable doubt? Brian has helped to create plenty and got it all on camera as well. He couldn’t have planned it, but if he did he couldn’t have planned it better.

    Looking forward to further analysis.

    1. A Victor says:

      Oh, it pissed me off so bad when that officer told her she didn’t have any reason to be still crying! I am so looking forward to HG’s analysis going forward, I really hope it includes more on these officers and why they dealt with her the way they did and also how they may be feeling about it now. Are they narcissists too? My boss this morning brought this situation up, I was able to give a nice plug for HG’s analysis, but also he pointed out that officers just go with what they’re told, what they’re seeing in front of them. Not that they’re necessarily bad people, and if so, they probably feel terrible about how this all went down for her, in the end.

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        I’m sure the officer’s do feel terrible now about how it all went down in the end, and I don’t blame them for their lack of awareness due to the fact we’ve all been ‘conned’ in the past. They tried to help by separating them, asking questions, offering support. The fact the victim blames themselves will have wrong footed them in some respects. She’s taking the blame. The fact Brian is causing them to identify with his situation, by the mere fact he is also a male, but also offering up the perspective of Gabby needing to ‘calm down’ (which most men will buy into perceiving women as more emotional), is feeding into the narrative of him being the victim. It’s a hugely complex situation, especially when you add in the physical evidence of marks on him, which HG so adequately explained were not ‘offensive’ but ‘defensive’ wounds caused by Gabby, scratches more often being defensive when inflicted on another. That is another subtlety not picked up on at the time. HG has done a really good job of defining a lot of the aspects of this footage to help us understand just how this whole thing went down.

        1. A Victor says:

          LET, Good point! We’ve all been conned, they’re only human, thanks! Yes, I’m sure they feel horrible!!

        2. A Victor says:

          LET, ugh, I’m now watching the second body cam video and it’s so frustrating that these officers didn’t pick up that it was HER van!! And Brian Laundrie says “…she can handle it…” when asked if she can drive that van, of HERS!! Ugh! It is so frustrating to see this! I am soooo excited to hear HG’s rundown soon!

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            AV, I watched the first eight videos on YT. I started to watch the ninth before stopping a couple of minutes in. The reason for that was the infuriating casual banter going on between Brian and the police officer. I just couldn’t watch it. It made me sick.

            But the further bodycam video finally highlights how Gabby also suffered an injury, which seems to be totally overlooked in the circumstances. No one offers to take photos of her injuries or even look at them more closely. At that point I think she’s already admitted they were fighting, she also appears quite emotional, and Brian has sold them his story of being the ‘victim’. In some ways the decision of who is at fault has already been made.

            I did read the head of that police Department (can’t remember his exact title) has now resigned and there is a big deal being made about how it all went down. Personally, I think the focus needs to be on how easy it can be to misread these situations with personal bias added in, as opposed to blaming the officers for not doing their job. They certainly could have done better, but let it be an educational opportunity going forward. Law enforcement has a shitty job to do most of the time, some of them will be in it for the wrong reason and some will take advantage, too, but I can only imagine some of the situations they have to deal with, the things they have to see, and how difficult that must be. This seeming ‘tiff’ between two lovers is not necessarily going to set off alarm bells in circumstances they also read as a young couple travelling long distances in a cramped space away from family and friends.

            Perception is everything. There is a need to have the ability to read between the lines.

          2. A Victor says:

            Hi LET, if I hadn’t had the same exact experience myself here in MN, I would attribute a lot of the officer’s reactions to the situation to be specific to UT and how women are seen and treated there. I tend to think instead that men in general struggle with women’s emotions and want to make them stop, I know that sounds sexist and it is a very very broad generalization, please don’t take offense anybody. I love men, fwiw. But also, officers are trained to de-escalate situations, I think many times they might try to de-escalate by bringing the woman around, especially if she’s the one who appears to be out of control. Big generalizations, I have dealt with many officers in many different scenarios over the years and the vast majority have been absolutely wonderful to work with. But some do seem to have a problem when there are tears or emotions involved.

            Okay, once on my birthday I got out of a ticket, not intentionally, because I cried when he pulled me over. My kids thought it was hilarious. I may have shared that before, it makes me giggle now.

            I agree that with you that the focus should be on improving, not blaming for what happened. I don’t think those officers did anything wrong, they were just uneducated to the realities of abusive situations. I feel bad for them now, they must feel terrible.

          3. lickemtomorrow says:

            AV, couldn’t agree with you more. I don’t think it’s ‘sexist’ to point out that men will have a certain perspective on women and their emotions which often comes down to the fact they’re not sure how to handle them (which is why they need to make them stop), and I also believe they are inclined to feel they need to do something to ‘fix’ a situation as a means of being helpful. At least that’s one perspective based on men being from Mars and women being from Venus. It made sense to me.

            I would say the need to de-escalate in these circumstances would be a priority, and interesting you point out that there would be no difference in MN as in UT as to the way it was handled. There’s another bias that could be added in which could also overlay the perspective on a situation. Just because these officers were from Mormon country doesn’t mean that religion was the sole basis for their perspective.

            Untangling as we go.

            I can relate to the story of crying and being let off, but in a slightly different context. Those were genuine tears, too. Thankfully no kids were around to make fun of their mother afterwards, but they do tend to think it’s hilarious when they can take one back to us. Resets the power imbalance, I think.

            I have no doubt the more empathic officers will feel terrible in the situation. In many ways it would have been impossible for them to know the background circumstances leading up to that moment, but better training, due diligence, etc. could have provided a more effective intervention and not just an assumption that relied on Gabby taking the blame and Laundrie excusing his actions, making her the perpetrator and him the victim.

            The Coroner gave a statement around the cause of death which included a comment on her being a victim of domestic violence. Laundrie’s lawyer apparently attempted to counteract that after the statement came out by saying he is only being sought for fraud with regard to her credit card. Nice try. Lawyers can mince words all they want. Nobody with an ounce of sense, or in touch with reality, is going to believe it wasn’t Brian who put his hands around her neck and strangled her to death.

            I can only think the tragic outcome will be of benefit to training law enforcement around the world since the case has gained such a high profile. There is another case in the UK garnering much attention also around the murder of a young woman by a police officer who used his position to deceive her and ultimately bring about her demise. That one is a warning to the public about the misuse or abuse of power. People are now learning what their position is in relation to law enforcement, their rights and responsibilities. I can only imagine that officer was a narcissist and a psychopath, and all roads at this point in time seem to lead us back to narcissism.

            It’s got to garner a higher profile if we’re ever going to see a lessening of its effects.

          4. A Victor says:

            LET, I do “worry” about being PC too much I suppose, men and women are different, that’s just a fact.

            Two of my kids were in the car when I was pulled over that time, my years were also genuine, and they almost couldn’t contain themselves while there officer was at my window! Probably somewhat nerves also, but looking back, it’s is kind of funny.

            I agree about the officers, they were just trying to do their job to the best of their ability, following the letter of the law and so on. As you say, hopefully all law enforcement takes a lesson from this and things improve across the board. Officers are in a very difficult position, trying to ascertain what’s going on, follow their restrictions etc and be human also.

            I haven’t seen the coroner’s statement, out Laundries attorney’s comments either, busy work week and honestly, I’m kind of waiting for HG’s assessment. But we do agree, Laundrie is the one who did it.

            I haven’t heard about the one in the UK, I’ll look it up when I get a minute.

            Thanks for the comment, it’s nice to read your thoughts!

          5. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Leigh, LET,

            Laughing at Leigh getting pulled over and crying. Sorry, I shouldn’t, but I am. So manipulative Leigh!! Haha!

            I was pulled over in TN for not stopping at a three way stop, I gave way instead. The whole gun thing freaked me out if I’m honest, but I was already plotting my approach in the car as they pulled up behind me. I pulled up opposite my own driveway as I was a minute from home, so I had the embarrassment of the neighbours seeing the whole thing. My husband came out and stood on the porch in support, which I found comforting.

            I decided on my usual ‘play dumb’ tactic. The English accent would work in my favour, so I decided on a very apologetic “We don’t have those in England. You are completely right officer, I’m very sorry.” I thought I might throw in a tentative smile and a subtle eyelash flutter to hopefully seal the deal. (yes I’ve been stopped a few times before) I had my plan and thought, ‘ I’m hot to trot here, good to go. ‘ The police officer stepped out of the car. Female police officer. Haha, seriously? For goodness sake!

            I knew I was home and hosed when she said early into the conversation, “I just love your accent.”

            *Game over.* 😎

            I think men do struggle with emotion on the whole, they just aren’t sure what to do with it and I agree often the focus will be on how to fix the problem when really what we are looking for is just to let the frustration or sadness out. Sitting and just listening is often what I’m looking for. When I gave birth I asked my husband to just concentrate on doling out the ice chips, no comforting required just ice chips please! I knew giving him a task would make it easier for him. I did however make the mistake of giving him the tens machine controller. Let’s just say responsibility for that quickly returned to me. I did at least see the funny side. Who starts at max strength and works backwards?!

            I think the police officers were very hot on making sure they were seen to be treating the male victim – as they saw Laundrie – as they would a female victim. That stood out to me. Almost as if they had had that drummed into them. “You must treat both sexes identically.” The fact Gabby was only 110lbs wet through was overlooked, Laundrie’s poorly timed jokes and general jovial demeanour was blatantly out of place, but again overlooked. Those two elements stood out to me the very first time I watched the body cam footage. I then rewatched more carefully. We are very well taught here and sometimes we forget that the education we receive here on the blog and through HG’s videos is not widely available. The police do have a shitty job to do, and in some ways this situation would have looked mild comparatively. I imagine several of those officers must replay that day over and over with a huge amount of regret.

            Xx

        3. Leigh says:

          If any of the police officers are narcissists, they won’t feel bad. They probably won’t even think about it unless she comes up on their radar. Then at that point, they may show false contrition to assert control but it won’t be genuine guilt.

          I do love your perspective on things LET. You give me hope that there’s good in the world. You can see the good in people. I’m not quite there yet. I used to be able to see the good. Now all I see is the bad.

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            Ah, Leigh, I would have to agree that if any of the officers are narcs they will not feel bad, due to their lack of empathy, and they will manage to blame shift as necessary. In that sense they probably wouldn’t feel the need to display false contrition – in their minds they are not to blame. Some will need to find ‘excuses’ in their own minds to free themselves from guilt in the situation – those who do feel guilty – but they would not be narcissists and are more likely to express an element of contrition, too. I guess I’ve tried to look at it from a number of perspectives to get an overall impression of what went wrong and how it can be fixed, mainly because Gabby’s death seems so unnecessary in the circumstances. In that sense it’s not helpful to make judgements, which can be easy to do in the circumstances based on emotional thinking and which clouds more effective, or logical, thinking around how to counter the same situation or circumstances going forward.

            I appreciate you saying I give you hope that there’s good in the world and in others, Leigh <3 More often than not, since my last entanglement, I've struggled to see the good at times as well. We've been so thoroughly dunked in the misery of narcissism that it can blind us to there being any good in the world. I feel like I am seeing this on a global scale at the moment which makes it even more overwhelming at times. We can certainly end up in a place where the narcissist has led us that instills a belief there is only doom and gloom because this is the world they also inhabit. It's not a place of happiness or joy, peace or love. It ultimately is a place of despair where there is no hope. It's full of anger and envy, and things which cancel out hope as a possibility and goodness as a reality. This is the effect of the narcissist. Maybe that's a thought to hold onto when all you can see is the bad. The narcissist has overlayed their perspective of the world on our lives, which means it can also be removed xo

          2. Leigh says:

            LET, I agree 100%. It is on a global scale now. There’s very little kindness. So many feel entitled. So many people don’t respect boundaries. Even the people that are empaths, their emotional thinking is so high, they make unhealthy decisions. Its very scary. I still have hope though. I know there are some good people out there still because you and the others on this blog prove that to me every day.

          3. WhoCares says:

            How are things with you Leigh?

          4. Leigh says:

            Hi WhoCares, things are starting to look up. I’m finally starting to see a way out. Things are falling into place. My other daughter did her empath detector and she’s an empath. So that was good news and the gave me renewed hope. Thank you for asking. ❤

    2. Asp Emp says:

      LET, it was good to read your views on this video series. When you are referring to “a thorough look is taken at this footage” – I believe it will be done, as HG has already done so (brilliant job, HG, thank you) – I have a hunch that there will be body language experts that will be asked to give their opinions even before it gets to the courts. I also have a hunch that some further training will be a result of this one case. Quite possibly a ‘review’ of other cases that may not have been made public such as this one……

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        Thanks, AspEmp, I’m also appreciating reading other’s points of view as well. Apparently some body language experts have got it wrong already. The one I listened to said ‘narcissist’ right of the bat. I thought that was impressive once HG threw his hat in the ring. HG would be my trusted source to confirm what others might have to say.

        1. Asp Emp says:

          LET, than you for your response. Some people learn to read body language from an early age – because the circumstances ‘required’ it. I agree, HG is the trusted source, I find his videos on the body languages very interesting.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            LET,…..’K’ I missed the point!

  10. Sweetest Perfection says:

    Thank you for doing this. Autumn is back and so is HG. These are a few of my favorite things.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Flattery will get you……a reply.

      1. Sweetest Perfection says:

        I did it for that. You know me well.

        1. Sweetest Perfection says:

          Let’s face it, I can’t live without your Autumns now.

      2. WiserNow says:

        Sweetest Perfection and HG,

        Ah yes . . . “Flattery will get you……a reply.”

        On the other hand, voicing your objection about a horrendous remark like “Suck my dick” is likely to get you:
        – laughed at
        – gaslighting
        – devaluations
        – silent treatments
        – public ostracism

        🎶
        Van-life and hiking and killers and kittens,
        Smug, smirking psychos and warm woollen mittens
        Brave sexist coppers shaming girlies on whims
        These are a few of my favourite things . . . 🎶

        1. WiserNow says:

          Sweetest Perfection and HG,

          I’m not saying this to be smart or to provoke. Really, I’m not. After watching HG’s analysis of this case, I felt so sad and also a sense of hopelessness that Gabby was murdered and lost her life even though there were a number of men who could have protected her and cared about her safety – her father, Laundrie, the policemen, even Dr Phil.

          It makes me think, what do women have to do to be heard, understood and respected?

          If women object to everyday sexist, insulting language from men, it’s the woman who is ignored or dismissed. The man is considered to be justified, even attractive and ‘sexy’.

          To me, it’s the small everyday things that snowball over time and become normalised until it gets to the point where a distressed, tiny (relatively speaking), anxious young woman is seen to be the ‘abuser’. It gets to the stage where four policemen are so blinded by society’s normalised behaviours that they chat to a would-be killer like he’s a ‘bro’ without one single thought about the man’s crying and distressed girlfriend. She’s alone and distressed and they actually put words in her mouth and say in a flippant way, “do you want me to pass on your good nights and love yous and all that stuff?” ….seriously???!! They don’t have one single, f***ing clue.

          Sorry, but this case makes me angry. Gabby’s death didn’t have to happen.

        2. HG Tudor says:

          Can’t let it go, can you?

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.