Don’t Fail Me

I have exacting standards. It is important to do so in order to achieve success and make my mark on the world. Owing to this, I hate being let down. If you tell me that we are meeting for lunch at 1pm then I expect you there at 1pm. Punctuality is the politeness of kings. If you are late you are telling me that you do not value my time. That is unacceptable. If you explain that you can deliver the product I want, the way I want it and in the colour I have chosen, I expect you to adhere to that. I am not interested in excuses. I will exert my influence as far as I can to ensure that what I have been promised is provided. I will cajole, coerce, persuade and harass to ensure the outcome is as was confirmed to me. Hotels, restaurants, shops, online providers, sporting venues, bars, people, products – all of them have been subjected to my precision and desire for high standards. I provide excellence in my profession (of course aided by a legion of underlings but it is at my direction). Nobody likes to things to be wrong do they? Nobody wants a blue car when they asked for black. Nobody wants the wrong name or age on their birthday cake. I am sure I am not alone in my desire to achieve error-free services, goods and people. That is a laudable sentiment. Should I fail to deliver on my promises then it will be because I have been let down first. I have an aversion to disappointment and my failing can only arise as a consequence of the neglect and negligence of another. Each and every day I strive to ensure that I am not left flailing in the wind, as dejection cuts through me as a consequence of having been let down. It cannot happen again. Where does this demand for delivery and high standards come from? It comes from my dread and fear of being let down. I cannot stand it. It breaks me in two and rips open a wound that has never properly healed. Being let down undermines me, makes me feel unwanted, unnoticed and unappreciated. All things which are anathema to me. He let me down all those years ago. I relied on him. Well, we relied on one another. It was, or at least it was as I thought, an unbreakable bond. I looked to him and admired how he carried on, when all hope seemed to have gone. The towering waves of misfortune and misery would crash against him but he was always unbroken and unbowed. He said that he would always look after me. He told me that he would protect me against those slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. I knew the world was a dangerous place, a cruel domain which showed no mercy and took no prisoners. I had seen with my own eyes what this place had done and could do. I was under no illusion as to the harshness of the vagaries of treading along the mortal path. He listened to my hopes and fears and he understood them like no other. He made me feels safe and wanted. I hung on his every word, mimicked what he did and pledged my unswerving loyalty. He accepted my fealty with open, gracious arms and I fell into them, safe in the knowledge that nothing could tear us apart. He promised me that, “I will never let you down.” I still hear his voice saying those words. But he did. He left. He let me down. To understand more of what this means and in particular to use it to decipher clues about HG Tudor, access this Knowing HG 1-3

15 thoughts on “Don’t Fail Me

  1. Wendy says:

    Wow, I’m getting really confused by this dialogue. Are there delusions involved? 🤷‍♀️

    1. Truthseeker6157 says:

      Do you mean the article or the HG / Pamela comments Wendy?

      1. Wendy says:

        TS, the Pamela dialogue.

        1. Truthseeker6157 says:

          Wendy,

          It’s interesting to watch what happens between the two. The comments will appear on various threads. I like to play ‘Name the Manipulation.’ It’s good practice.

          Xx

          1. Wendy says:

            TS, I am getting a nice chuckle seeing this bantering back and forth between the two.

            Although, I sure don’t want to be on the other end of it! Lol
            😊

    2. A Victor says:

      Hi Wendy,

      Apparently Pamela is one of HG’s kind, clearly not an Ultra however. I have always believed her to be delusional. I believe it is a case of spurned “love”, the fake, narcissist kind of love, of course.

      1. Wendy says:

        Ah, that makes perfect sense. Thank you AV.

        1. A Victor says:

          You’re welcome Wendy.

    3. Asp Emp says:

      Wendy, RE: the article, there are no delusions – it is HG’s experience(s) from his perspective. He was let down as a child, by somebody who said they would not let HG down.

      1. Wendy says:

        Thank you Asp Emp, will do!

  2. Asp Emp says:

    For me, an absolutely **important article as part of my ‘rediscovering’ myself. I realised the 3 key things in my life that led to my ‘development delays’ to be halted and / or slowed down further, certainly in regard to my emotional ‘development’, social communication / interaction, due to circumstances totally out of my control. I was too young to have any ‘power’ over it. **if not the most defining of all the articles I have read on this blog.

    Now applying what I said about ‘development delays’, this is probably very similar to the start of the formation of a narcissist? The GPD in relation to emotional (sometimes, cognitive) empathy would not necessarily develop, and LOCE would ‘determine’ (contribute) to the lack of empathy?

    So, if my school work was ‘set back’ when my father died, maybe my emotions did too. Compounded further by my co-morbidities.

    Wow, reading my previous comments on this article, around a year ago, I certainly was still emotionally ‘locked’ (numb) and was not able to see it, or feel it. Now? I felt a moment of sadness but it did not ‘hang around’ because I think I have ‘let go’ of what I had held onto for so long. Obviously I did not know how to ‘let go’. I was also unconsciously ‘reluctant’ to let go. Illogically thinking, if I ‘let go’, was I also destroying what I had ‘left’ of my father (also ‘letting go’ of the ‘protection’ I had from him when he was alive)? That is probably why I ‘held on’ all this time.

    I re-read ‘To Cope is to Control – The Creation of Narcissism’ article. Why?
    It was ‘lack of control’ (when father died, loss of my ‘rock’ but also loss of my protector). I was ‘exposed’ to Muvver. Alright, I just thought to myself, I needed to get rid of that Dead Bitch’s ‘shite’ out of my mind / emotions before I could ‘release’ my father (set him free so to speak).

    The words on the above article stood out to me this time “A lack of control now returns us to the lack of control then” – now I ‘get it’. Totally ‘get it’. I was not abandoned. Yet, to fear ‘abandonment’ is actually a rational one.

    People deal with ‘loss’ differently. Either they get the opportunity (ie assistance) to have access to resources to ‘work through it’ and understand it, or they never get to ‘work through it’ at all.

    I understand only too well ‘don’t fail me’. I would not put someone else in that position.

    I’m really grateful to HG for this. Thank you, HG x

  3. Pamela says:

    Sweetheart. I know you. I never trusted you. YOU told me not to, Mr. HG Narcissist. Not my monkeys, not my circus. And don’t think I haven’t forgotten how you came after me, maliciously attacked me online for Harvey Weinstein, Tony Robbins, Alan Dershowitz, and apparently, Kim Kardashian. I’m not asking for an apology cause I know I’ll never get one. But you’ll get an eye for an eye.

    But as these stories go, people like me always have the last laugh.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, you mean we all laugh at you.

      1. Truthseeker6157 says:

        It’s actually quite interesting to watch this. I saw another comment left today on another thread where Pamela says ‘Let’s not fight.’ I wobbled a bit there. Then I read the other comments from yesterday and it really is just about attention isn’t it? Positive, negative, it doesn’t matter, as long as you answer.

        Yes, it’s true, I am a sucker for a sob story.

    2. Asp Emp says:

      **CORRECTION** It’s ‘HG Tudor’.

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