Protection

PROTECTION

I am just a baby in your arms. I am fragile, brittle and vulnerable. You see I was broken when I was so, so young. I did not know any different and all I wanted was to be told that I was good. I did everything I could to please them but it was never deemed enough. I don’t know why I could not make them love me but it just did not happen. Perhaps if I had tried harder. I know it is my fault really but I did not know any better. They took something from me, I still do not know what it really is, but I think you do. I think you hold the answer because of who you are.

I try to be a good person, I really do but there is just something that stops me from being that decent and compassionate person.Β  I see what you and people like you do and I cannot help but wish I was the same. Sometimes I want it so much it makes me do things I should not do because I cannot control the jealousy that rises and makes me do those Bad Things. Believe me, I fight against it but I have not had the strength to defeat the wickedness but I have you now don’t I?

You will shield me and give me the fortitude I require to complete my journey to redemption. Everything that has happened before was borne out of me lacking you. Those things that I have done, well, I am not proud of them but I was weak and knew no better. I did not have you to lead and guide me. The others, you see, those others promised me that they would take care of me but they were just pretenders and charlatans who took from me and left me twisted and beaten in the dust.

Sometimes I had to fight back. That was when I struck out at them. I did not want to, truly I did not want to do those things, but sometimes I was given no choice. I know all that has gone now because you are here. You are the person I have waited for for so long. I believe in you and how you can save me. You are my caretaker, my salvation and my rock. I look to you and you give me such hope. You show me that there is a better way, a road that leads to salvation.

It is a road that will take me away from the Badlands and the darkness. I understand the road may be long, it may wind through difficult places but ultimately, with you holding my hand, I know that I will reach that place where I need not be afraid any longer. I need not hurt and lash out but instead I can harness the real goodness that is somewhere deep inside me.

You told me that it is there and I believe you. You know about these things. That is the way you have been made. You are the carer, the healer and the peacemaker. You must understand why it is that you are so special to me. You are the only one who truly understands what is to be me and you are the only one who can save me.

I will place my heart in your hands and let you care for it. I have been broken, I have been broken for far too long, a shattered and fractured creature who has had to endure living this way without any hope of redemption, until you came along. Please, make me a better person. Please care for me and nurse me and hold my hand when the demons come. I look to you and only you and in those optimistic eyes of yours I find absolution.

All I want is to be loved. It is not too much to ask is it. I am a noble yet broken person and you hold the power to make me what I want to be, what I should be. I am like a baby in your arms. I am vulnerable yet with you there anything becomes possible. I know you will love me, care for me and protect me. You will save me. You are the only one.

You fall for this speech.

Every time.

48 thoughts on “Protection

  1. A Victor says:

    They’re so quick to give their sob story to us, to let us know all the ways they’ve been hurt, because they know that doing so will play right into our empathy, that we will always see that little baby, at just the time we need to go. And that it will hold us captive, wanting to make it better for them.

  2. k mac says:

    I have always stood by the saying “hurt people hurt people. In most cases that’s probably true. I believe that people are inherently good. That has prevented me from accepting certain truths. I wish I could go back to that place.

    1. A Victor says:

      Hi K Mac, just curious if you have done the EDC. I am not asking for results but just want to share that I see so much Savior in so many of your comments, and, I relate a lot! I am highest in Savior, by a large margin. It took me a while to see how it manifests in myself, but now, I see how it influences almost everything I do. It is very possible that I am misunderstanding but it is how many of your comments read to me.

      1. k mac says:

        Hi A Victor 😊 the EDC? Is that the empathy detector? No I have not. I do plan on doing so. I would be happy to share my results when I find out if you like.

        1. A Victor says:

          You will need to ask HG, it is protected, but if he says it’s okay, I will be excited to know if I was right! I also think you have some good amount of Super, just to hazard a guess, but, I’m not the best at guessing so don’t listen to me! HG will know. Doing that defector was life changing for me. Also the TDC, Trait Detector Consult and the Weaponized Empath were significant in my learning about myself, I highly recommend all of them.

          1. A Victor says:

            Forgot a comma, TDC and Trait Detector Consult are the same thing.

          2. k mac says:

            Oh ,I didn’t know the results are protected A Victor. I will ask.

          3. A Victor says:

            K Mac, no problem if you prefer not to, don’t do it just for my curiosity. Many people choose not to share their results. Some of us are comfortable with doing so, as long as HG approves it. I just saw similarities between you and I in several of your comments so it made me wonder. And I like to encourage people to take the EDC since it helped me so much.

          4. k mac says:

            Ok A Victor, I got the ok. You were correct on the school. As far as Cadre goes I do have some savior. Well done! 😊

          5. A Victor says:

            Oh wow, happy dance!! I’m learning! Thank you K Mac! Thank you HG!

          6. Leigh says:

            Lol! I’m a rulebreaker! I never asked permission. Whoopsy!

    2. Jasmin says:

      Many empaths are ‘hurt people’ also..

      1. k mac says:

        That’s true

      2. A Victor says:

        Yes, we either grow up to abuse or be abused it seems. Though normals are still the majority, so not all of us actually grow up on one side or the other. It does feel that way though quite often.

        1. k mac says:

          A Victor
          If im being totally honest with my self being here feeds my addiction to the narcissist. Let’s face it, HG is the very embodiment of a narcissist, (and sexy as hell). It’s at a safe distance. I’m not in danger of being ensnared as I’m sure part of his “rules of engagement are not to do so. Also he can have anyone he wants. I think im in the clear lol.
          Also it’s nice to connect with people’s who understand first hand what we’ve all been through. There is definitely a sense of community you speak of.

          I am still learning as well. I’m focusing more on what’s wrong with me and less on what’s wrong with the narcissist. I’m doing this through the Empath Detectors and listening to emotional thinking/addiction content.

          OG meaning original. I actually believe HG had his YouTube account up for a year before I found it so probably not totally OG.He is definitely angrier and scarier then I remember. Still, I find some kind of comfort.

    3. Leigh says:

      K Mac, in my experience, if you tell a narcissist that their action hurt someone, they will either deny it or say it was justified. They will not take responsibility for hurting you. When you say they hurt someone, it is a criticism to them. That would mean they are bad people and they can’t fathom that. Narcissists believe they are inherently good. Even if they were hurt as children, they would just use that as an excuse to justify their behavior. Its deeper than hurt people, hurt people. In order to feel better, a narcissist needs fuel, in the form of an emotional reaction. If they feel criticized, challenged or wounded, they need an emotional reaction to squash the criticism.

      Your last line concerns me. You say, you wish you could go back to that place. What place? The place where you believed people are inherently good? I really can relate to that. I often ask myself if knowing the truth is better or worse? For me, knowing the truth is better. It means I’m aware and armed. Things finally make sense and the puzzle pieces fit.

      If I may ask, are you still ensnared? Mr. Tudor is right when he says being ensnared heightens our emotional thinking and then our emotional thinking cons us into staying in contact. It gives us excuses. It sounds to me that your emotional thinking wants you to be naΓ―ve about narcissism because then you would still be able to be in contact with the narcissist. Ugh! Our own emotional thinking can be our worst enemy!

      1. k mac says:

        High Leigh ❀ I’m not currently ensnared fortunately. It’s been a few years now believe or not. You are right about my emotional thinking being high right now. I think it has to do with the fact that I just moved to another state and feel isolated. It didn’t help that he began to hoover about a couple months before I left. Thank God I moved. I came to Tudor because he was the one that talked sense into me before. Thank you for your concern 😊

        1. Leigh says:

          Hi KMac, if I may, I just wanted to say, be careful. You’re in a vulnerable state right now because you are feeling isolated and narcs can sniff that out. Be very cautious with anyone new that comes into your life. Best wishes to you.

          I remember you from when I first came here. I came in April of 2019. If you don’t mind me asking, why did you leave?

          1. k mac says:

            I left because I was kinda stuck. I was grateful for the knowledge gathered. However, always reading, listening and talking about narcissism was preventing me from moving on. It was keeping me ruminating.
            I came back because I can tell my emotional thinking is rising. I’m trying to nip in a bud so to speak.
            Here’s to us Tudor OGs! ❀

          2. A Victor says:

            K Mac, thank you for this comment. I have wondered about this, feeling “kinda stuck” myself sometimes. Do I need to go for a while and practice in “the real world”, so to speak? I can always come back if needed. I love it here, it is a safe zone for me, a place where there are no worries, is it a crutch at this point? I know there is more to learn, but I wonder about these things.

            What is a “Tudor OG”?

          3. Leigh says:

            OG stands for Original Gangsta. Its slang for being one of the original people to do something.

          4. k mac says:

            I am very surprised you remember me dear Leigh. I do not believe I used the same name. πŸ€”

          5. Leigh says:

            Your avatar hasn’t changed. And if you give me a minute to think about it, I might remember the name you used to use. LOL! I’m really not a creeper. I just remember your comments really resonated with me. I didn’t comment much back then.

            I definitely. understand the need to leave so you can move on. It was smart to come back when you felt your ET rising. A dose of the truth definitely helps.

          6. k mac says:

            Well then Leigh you have an impeccable memory.

          7. Leigh says:

            Wait, I’m confused. I thought I was mistaken? You said in another comment that you used a different avatar.

          8. k mac says:

            Leigh,
            I’m so sorry to hear about your childhood back story. Thank you so much for sharing. It is quite similar to mine. I understand that not all abused people become narcissist but all narcissist have to have that recipe in some form. I didn’t become a narcissist either. Rather, an emath with a chip on her shoulder lol.

        2. NarcAngel says:

          I remember you as Liderion.

          1. k mac says:

            I actually used my real name, which was stupid. I did not use this avatar either.

          2. Leigh says:

            I thought for sure I recognized the avatar but I must be mistaken then. Ugh! I’m not quite as sharp as I used to be, lol!

    4. NarcAngel says:

      My view of “Hurt people hurt people” is that it’s just another way we romanticize a notion through emotional thinking.

      Fucked people hurt people (intentionally and repeatedly).

      Lots of people get hurt, but they don’t go around doggedly returning the favour. That’s logic.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Correct.

        Also people who are not hurt, hurt people.

        The phrase “hurt people hurt people” should be consigned to the rubbish bin.

        1. k mac says:

          Narcissist become that way because of some kind of abuse right? Yes, everybody has the capacity to hurt people. There are hurt people that don’t hurt people. I’m not trying to make excuses for vile behavior. What I’m saying is usually people who go around hurting people on purpose are people who have suffered a deep emotional injury.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            See “To Control Is To Cope”.

          2. Leigh says:

            Hi KMac, I’m an ACON and I was physically abused by my father and neglected by my mother. I was also the golden child. My brothers were the scapegoats for my parents. I married a narcissist. We had two children. One is a narcissist, the other isn’t. Neither of them were abused. Yet, one became a narcissist. My daughter had the genetic predisposition plus a lack of control environment. But the lack of control environment was not abuse. There are three things that I think caused the LOCE for my daughter. First, she witnessed how my husband treated me. We constantly fought. He would call me names, gaslight me and there was even a couple of times where he would use force. It didn’t happen that often but they did witness it when it did happen. Second, he was absent during crucial years in their lives. He worked nights and was barely around for 6 years and when he was around, there was constant fighting. Third, there was emotional neglect from my husband and probably from me as well.

            I just wanted to tell you my story because I wanted you to see that its not always abuse that causes narcissism. I was abused and I’m an empath. Then there’s my daughter, who wasn’t abused and unfortunately, she’s a narcissist. Its not always so black and white. There can be a lot of different factors.

      2. Joa says:

        Oh, NarcAngel, how much I liked your short, concise and blunt statement.

        I smiled πŸ™‚

        I like it like that, ha ha ha πŸ™‚

      3. k mac says:

        Very true Narc Angel. I’m speaking to narcissism. Narcissist as I understand it have been abused causing the narcissism to develop. It’s not an accuse but a reason.

      4. NarcAngel says:

        Kmac
        Ah. Someone did use that avatar. Welcome back in any case.

        1. k mac says:

          NarcAngel,
          Someone else must have. That’s weird. Maybe ill change it.

  3. k mac says:

    May I please have the password and instructions for accessing the private forum HG? I have sent an email request.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Email addressed.

  4. Alison says:

    Every. Single. Time. Even now that I have gained awareness of what a sham our relationship is, this is what pulls me back in, even though I now know there’s no fixing him. Pity I guess.

    1. k mac says:

      Apparently I’ve learned nothing Alison πŸ˜”

  5. jasmin says:

    No, I don’t.

  6. Chihuahuamum says:

    If i can overcome codependancy a narcissist can modify their narcissism the problem is they don’t want to. Narcissists are codependant as well on fuel it’s their choice of drug.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Wrong.

    2. Bubbles says:

      Dearest Chihuahuamum,
      Narcissists are unaware of what they are …. except for Mr Tudor
      They are incapable of changing
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  7. Joa says:

    While reading, I wanted to write, that if he would come “like this”, I would certainly give in, but even that was written at the end…

  8. k mac says:

    We fall for it because it is the truth. You were always enough and worthy of love and affection. Just because your mother wasn’t able to give it doesn’t mean you didn’t deserve it.

    We believe it because we see you. The real you. Glimpses of it anyway. You are still in there. The real you. Not the facade not the mask, you. That’s who we love. You may not be able to accept it but that doesn’t make it untrue. Happy Thanksgiving. I’m thankful for you. ❀

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