The Tinder Swindler : Why Did the Victims Get Conned?
If you have watched The Tinder Swindler on Netflix or read about him in the press, you will be well acquainted with at least three of his victims who were defrauded by him. How did he manage to con them? What was it about him that enabled him to do so successfully? Was there anything about the victims which meant they were more susceptible to being conned? Some have suggested they are gold diggers and got their just desserts, since you cannot con an honest person. Others disagree and suggest naivety ruled the day, but what do you think? Why did the victims get conned? Ahead of HG Tudor providing you with all the answers as to why they got conned, share in the comments your view and see if you turn out to be right.
26 thoughts on “The Tinder Swindler : Why Did the Victims Get Conned?”
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I haven’t watched any of the follow-up videos yet. But the thing that stood out for me was, based on the facade of his apparent wealth, plus busy and dangerous lifestyle – he was able to make them feel special and/or target various vulnerabilities. So, the fact that he took the time (even if it were a brief voice message) out of his “demanding” existence, and appeared to single them out…it must have indicated that he a actually cared. And even the apparent lack of emotion or depth in his comfort crumbs could be explained by the very nature of his apparent circumstances…”Well, it makes sense..he took a second out of his day to reach out to me – but he is so busy, so involved that it couldn’t be more than that.”
Also, vanity is a thing. They did seem to covet “‘that lifestyle”. I get it. I am not materialistic and can actually live on very little but…I recall, in the beginning, being aware of how other women looked at my ex. He was good-looking and they were envious. I would be lying if I didn’t admit that it gave me a boost to know that he was mine and not theirs. It might be shallow, but it’s hardly all there is to me.
So, I can understand why they might covet that lifestyle.
I look at these examples of people losing money women here and men in other examples wondering what on earth money has to do with loooove? How do “loooove devotees” bring money into the mix? Either you meet your partner on tinder or at work these two things DO NOT go together (!!!) how did they mix it up in the name of love?
“But…if you love me, you will…” “If you don’t, I’ll take out a lien on the house.” “But I NEED it, and you know I’m good for it (again).” “I promise it’s the only time I’ll ask.” “I’m doing it, with or without you.” “But…if you loved me, you would…” I heard all of these and more with regard to money over the years, begging, coercion, threats etc, all in the name of “love”. Narc version of love, which I had no clue about at that time. I was with him for 23 years, so these didn’t all hit at once, but they are effective and I was literally at his mercy in many ways. He had an entire financial life going on that I never knew about until the last year, I saw a glimpse here or there on very rare occasions, but it was like a fuel matrix, huge, multi-faceted and largely unknown to me. My Love Devotee trait is quite low, but there were other traits that caused me to be held in place financially. I think it may have been my Moral Compass, I was married to the idiot so I gave it all. I was an idiot also, sadly.
A Victor no you’re not an idiot just because a person without dignity made you feel that way. On the contrary! You are a very capable person who once sought and found the truth and became the best version of yourself. You will never repeat your past mistakes and that alone is a great achievement and investment for your future life.
Lucycita, I wish I could be as certain as you are. And also, without fear to try. I typically restrain from such harsh words about my past and choices I made, it is very difficult with this particular topic however. But thank you for the kind words.
Excellent question.
It’s why I’m having trouble empathizing with any of these “victims.” I only cheer on #3 because she was able to get a modicum of revenge. But I know it would have been better for her to GOSO.
With this doc now, all three of them are *really* connected with this guy—and materially benefitting from the drama in some way.
Yuck.
How do the three ladies benefit from this story, from the publicity they get?
Victim 1 appears to be a love devotee and believing in the fairy tale of being swept off her feet. I find her displaying high levels of entitlement and her Tinder and Insta look like somamtic female Narc. Her initial response to his Tinder profile was that she was impressed by his wealth and jet-set/super car life something she could not afford herself…so she does display a high level of entitlement to want to be a part of his life. The second victim also very similar she was self motivated to want to be associated with the trappings of his apparent wealth, and viewed herself as the same type as person as him. Victim 3 we didn’t see too much about her so impossible to comment.
They all seemed more enamoured of the lifestyle they would gain access to through him than in him. At least initially. He didn’t seem especially intelligent or smooth to me at all. If he has any real skill it is in choosing the right target, but even in that he is lazy. He baits, then swipes and engages through social media. They did the heavy lifting from there. But then again, our interpretation is open to manipulation through media and editing.
Whippet, “her Tinder and Insta look like somamtic female Narc.” Her IG looks exactly like my Facebook profile when I was entangled to my somatic narc. I explained before I became that superficial person. Those narcissistic traits get a booster in your bloodstream, like Venom from Spider-Man.
Interesting comment SP.
Thanks AV. I hate that person I became when I look back at it. The other day when trying to get into Simon Leviev’s private IG account I posted several pics of myself and I immediately felt like a piece of shit. I shut it down.
***after I got in. Ahhh, vanitas vanitatum…
SP, I also hate who I become/am under the influence of a narcissist. I just had not equated it to it affecting social media in this way. We didn’t have a lot of social media when my ex left, or at least I didn’t, so that has not been an issue for me. I have seen it hugely in my empathic daughter though, and wondered and worried about it. Your comment made sense of it for me, thank you.
1. Geyser
2. Narcissistic or narc if narc would be mid range. She’s definitely not someone I’d be friends with, I know that much!
3. Super
I’m not very good at all with Es at all unless I know them very well indeed.
No. 1 got conned because she is a love devotee and her return to Tinder just goes to prove that. It’s quite unbelievable to me she hasn’t learnt her lesson, but her empathic traits shine through in that sense. Incredibly vulnerable to another entanglement, especially now the sharks (narcs) will be smelling the blood in the water.
No. 2 is a narc herself and allowed herself to be led by him in the circumstances, became part of his coterie and benefited from that. She had no problem accepting friendship as opposed to a relationship and he likely recognized she was not as amenable to his tactics, but realized she could be a good lieutenant in the circumstances. She got pissed when she realized she had been conned and her ignited fury enabled her to help set him up for the fall.
No.3 had a longer relationship with him, and I’m reaching here because I only watched it once, but does not appear to have been impacted in the same way as No.1. I feel we heard less of her story around entanglement and more around her response to being conned. Definitely cheering for her, but I’ll need to watch it again to get a better read on her. She could be a Super Empath by her reaction, but why then did it take her so long to be impacted by the situation (18 months)? I know what I will be doing later!
Thanks for asking for our thoughts, HG.
Cecilie got conned because she is a love devotee that believes in romantic fairy tales. She got enchanted by the idea of having the perfect guy: charming, good looking, wealthy, and ready to commit to a serious relationship in .2 seconds. Pernilla, in my opinion, also got charmed by what she thought would be a very good friendship. She does not have any romantic interest in him, but enjoys meeting with him when he’s visiting, and being invited to all the exciting plans he has in mind. I have to admit both of them benefit from his money (or whoever else’s money that was). It caught my attention that none of the two had any problem dating or befriending a millionaire while they themselves did not have any savings in their bank accounts. Mmmm. We’ll see about that. The third one spent the longest entanglement and did genuinely believe she was in a serious relationship with him. But the information provided about her in the documentary is not enough to decide what fascinated her about him, though I suspect it’s the same as the other two because narcs usually copy and paste the strategies that worked for them before.
So, for #1: he targeted her gullibility and her belief in love conquers all and made use of consistent future faking to keep her hooked. Notice after she got ensnared, he started making more and more excuses to not meet in person. For #2, he appealed to her sense of loyalty and comradeship. For #3, I have no idea other than managing to maintain his façade as to make her believe they were getting married. Probably because she was the one who had a better financial position, this last one offered more guarantees of a long term ensnarement.
I agree, I’d also switched off a little by the time number 3 was introduced.
Although it was really interesting I felt it dragged a little, but I do have a rather short attention span.
My ears pricked up again when she travelled to get his clothes. Love it!
I had a quick google last night to see how much money she had lost but didn’t find what I was looking for. Did it say in the tv show? Whilst googling it said abs trolls his account. I wonder whether that is something an empath would do? Yes revenge, well I would but trolling? Not something I’ve ever felt the need to do so I’m doubting my initial judgement of her.
Would be helpful to see more of their behaviours/interactions with others. No1 is now the only one I’m certain is an empath. I do hope No3 is.
No2 is definitely N or narcissistic. I know Ns can be very naive when they’re on the scent for money. I’ve seen a few get screwed over because of their greed. And No2 didn’t lose very much by comparison and in the context of her own earnings.
She lost approximately US $ 140 000.
Thanks very much HG. Okay I’m going to stick with 1 and 3 geyser and super. 2 An N.
SP, I thought the info on No.3 was a little vague as well. I wondered if I just wasn’t paying attention, but now I know it wasn’t just me. Taking another look asap.
I was about to watch it again last night. This thread has totally ensnared me!
Did my due diligence and found while she describes much of the same experience as Cecilie she is much less emotional going through the motions of that. This may be why it was overlooked in a sense because her description did not tap into my emotions the way Cecilie’s did. Ha! Maybe I’m onto something. I sense an odd dynamic here and I’m not sure what it is. She didn’t elicit my sympathy in the same way. It could be the way the show was produced (in terms of editing, etc.), maybe she just wasn’t as emotional so they didn’t put her front and centre as she wouldn’t draw in the viewing audience. So many variables here with interesting characters and traumatic experiences. Would a Super be less affected by their experience with the narcissist? That is not my take on being part Super and perhaps there is more water under the bridge than I imagine. When did all this happen again? Cecilie is still not over it … something to do with her school/cadre? I’m really intrigued by this third girl and HG’s assessment of her. Something feels shrouded about her, but it may just be the production making it so, which is all we really have to go on for now (or at least I can’t keep up with the various narc dramas playing out across the world!)
Okay, I could have easily been number 1 in my younger days. In fact, summer narc almost did this to me, I am glad to say that older me had enough sense to get out of that before being ensnared even more deeply. I did not relate to number 2 really, I typically became involved with men if there was a friendship or a relationship, I found it interesting that she did not, she realized the first day that they wouldn’t be more than friends. Number 3 is a different type of individual from me also, though I have known women like her, less gullible but not entirely not so, and been able to count them as friends. I probably irritated them though. Anyway, this all makes me have an enormous amount of empathy for them, I totally get how they could be sucked into his vortex and convinced he was wonderful. Sadly…thankful for HG today…
They got conned because they empathic…they fell for the facade…unfortunately emotional thinking was turned up and their logical thinking was turned down. Also they haven’t tuned into your channel hg.