The Ultra : 100 K : Massive Discount

I broke through the 100 000 subscribers mark on YouTube very recently.

By way of thanks and recognition it is discount time.

Do watch the video and secure your discount code!

 

 

44 thoughts on “The Ultra : 100 K : Massive Discount

  1. NarcAngel says:

    V

    It’s a natural response to want to “show” them but pointless as you know. The very best to you in your new adventure.

  2. Ren says:

    Just wanted to pop on here to say congratulations on the 100k and also to personally thank you.

    Your HW series not only kept me entertained but deepened my understanding of the narc-empath dynamic.

    Last year was truly challenging and that work helped me enormously.

  3. jasmin says:

    Thank you for the discount. Now it’s time to read chained.❤

    For quite long now I don’t resive any notifications of new comments? I don’t resived the initial mail to “confirm follow” that used to enter the inbox straight after posting comment. If anyone knows what is wrong then I would be grateful if you could guide me!

    1. A Victor says:

      Jasmin, you may have done this already but every so often I have to log in to WordPress and refollow HG, I then double check my notification status while I’m there and make sure it’s set to send me notifications. Also, once in a while WP boots me and deletes everything, I know because then i get nothing. So I do the above, starting from scratch.

    2. Leigh says:

      Jasmin, I don’t get that email anymore either. Maybe WordPress had an update. Now I changed my notifications to receive every comment and post. I also check the blog and WordPress on a regular basis to see if there are new posts or comments.

      WordPress has been acting weird lately.

      1. Jasmin says:

        I think the problem has been going on for nearly a month now.. I’ll try with `new posts` and see if there’s any change!

        1. Leigh says:

          I think they are updating. The way the site is setup and the email layout is different.

    3. Truthseeker6157 says:

      Hey Jasmin,

      Me too. I’ve been really struggling with notifications. What’s worse is some come through and not others, it would be better not to receive any at all, then I’d know there’s a problem and remember to search through the threads. I’m going into my subscribed list and checking each thread I’ve commented on when I have time. It’s the only thing I can suggest I’m afraid.

      I thought Chained was brilliant. I’m sure you’ll find it interesting.

      Xx

      1. Leigh says:

        I know it can be a daunting task, lol. In Word

      2. Leigh says:

        Sorry about that. I accidentally hit the submit button while I was in mid sentence. I was trying to grab WordPress from the predictive words on my phone and hit the post comment button instead. Lol!

        Anyway, in WordPress there’s a choice to get an email for every post and comment. I just stay on top of it so it doesn’t become too much.

      3. Jasmin says:

        Hi TS!

        ‘What’s worse is some come through and not others’. It was that way before but now as I cannot ‘confirm follow’ I don’t get any notifications at all..

        I’m through the first 45 pages of Chained and yes it is very interesting!
        Rachael’s method of coping with the abuse was to seek protection through HG and now I’m curious about all methods of coping that Empaths may engage in!

        For me there was no untouchable N to seek that protection from. The option wasn’t available – I think? I mainly withdraw and daydream. Stayed in my room (of the radar) and sometimes went out, climbed up a tree. Or I thought -‘Don’t listen to what he says, he’s just a mean man’. I even escaped, but from stepdad to dad, so that wasn’t any better. I moved back 1,5 years later.

        I don’t know if you are an ACON, TS, but if yes I would love to hear what methods you used to cope?! (If you don’t mind sharing of course).

        1. Truthseeker6157 says:

          Hey Jasmin,

          I see what you mean now. I wasn’t able to confirm follow a few weeks ago. I did, but then didn’t receive the confirm subscribe ‘howdy’ email from HG.

          Log in to your Word Press account. Check there are no threads ‘pending’ if there are subscribe or delete. Also delete some of the older threads you were subscribed to. See if that helps, it seemed to fix the problem for me, or, partially fix it!

          No, to my knowledge I’m not an ACON. I have described my mum as highly narcissistic, very self centred, very unhappy with her lot in life. I watched the ‘ Interaction With A Parental Narcissist’ video though and this sounded very like her. Uncannily so, so I am now having to question if my mum is in fact an MMRB.

          In terms of how I dealt with her growing up, I cut off from her emotionally around the age of 12. It was a conscious decision. I played the game but emotionally there was nothing there beyond that point. I spent a lot of time staying over at my best friend’s house. I spoke to her mum more than my own.

          She used a lot of pity plays, triangulated me with her friends’ children so I triangulated back with my best friend’s mum. What I confided had been used against me, so I became very good at not answering questions. I should be a politician by now, I can talk anyone off any subject! ( gawd, am I using circular conversation? Red flag red flag!) I gave surface information, information that you might give about yourself to someone you were standing with at a bus stop, nothing deeper. On the odd occasion that didn’t work I lied my way out of it. I detest lies and even as a kid, didn’t like it, so I tended to read the direction of her ‘innocent’ enquiries and change it.

          Similar to you I spent a lot of time alone. I am an only child. My dad ( empath, and a far stronger one than me) worked away quite a lot. I lived for the time he was home, and missed him dreadfully when he was away. When he wasn’t home I spent a lot of time in my room as you did. I did school work, I read a lot, I daydreamed a lot too.

          My mum would get at me sometimes, or try to, spoiling for a fight. I can’t even exactly remember what she used to get at me over, going to my friend’s house mostly I think. Arguing got me no where. She would just pull rank. So I learned that the best way to deal with that was just to look through her. You know that way that people look off into the middle distance when they think about something? I did that. The more I did that, didn’t respond, the more she would lose it. Shout, a lot of shouting, jump up and down, do her angry face etc. It was stubbornness on my part really. I just stood in place, looking through her.

          My mum didn’t hit me, she did this thing when super angry. She would place her hands on each side of my head whilst yelling at me and kind of splay her fingers, scratch my head but not deep. She would threaten to knock me from here into next week, but I don’t recall her ever hitting me. This was probably why I used to be content to let her lose her temper. To me, when she lost her temper and I remained switched off, I won.

          The main thing I did was to cut off emotionally. Once I did that, I wasn’t really affected by her, it became more of a game as awful as that sounds. I read her mood and diverted her ahead of time.

          I sound like an awful kid don’t I? Haha! I was nice to everyone else! I was very close to my various teachers, that might have been me compensating a bit. I was and remain very close to my dad. I was the ‘plus one’ in my best friend’s family.

          Sorry this ended up being so long, I’ve been pondering my relationship with my mum since that video, re examining my behaviour growing up, trying to see if I was in the wrong. I might have been, I believe my mum does have empathy, so narcissistic still feels more of a fit for her. I’m likely not an ACON, but possibly have some similarities given how narcissistic my mum was / is.

          Xx

          1. Leigh says:

            Oh TS, I’m probably going to overstep here so I’m going to apologize in advance. I’m sorry if I offend you in any way.

            This was tough to read. I wish I could protect little TS. I wonder if the CoD in you may not be able to see the clearly about your mom. You say she has empathy but why didn’t she have it for you? You had to detach at such an early age. I know that feeling all to well. Ask yourself this, would you treat your children this way? Also, if I told you this story about my mother, what would you think?

            I know you don’t do hugs but I’m sending you one today.

          2. A Victor says:

            TS, I know I’m not your favorite person on the blog, I understand if you don’t reply, or even read this. But I just wanted to say, you don’t sound like an awful kid, you sound like I felt as a child, a kid who was having to figure out how to survive in a difficult situation. It can be extremely challenging to get our heads around the possibility of someone being a narcissist, especially someone we’ve possibly been programmed all our lives to respect and love. I wish the best for you in your quest for answers.

          3. Violetta says:

            TS:

            I wish I’d used a variant of that when GrinchLady pulled her crap. She once woke up a baby I was just getting to.drop.off by spraying some glass cleaning crap close enough so I could smell it through my mask, so you know how intense it must have been for him.
            I changed seats and rocked him to sleep again, but when she later started ranting about how she had to do this all by herself because nobody would help her, I made the mistake of asking her why she didn’t delegate; I’d be glad to help, but I can’t read minds. She starts going on and on about some quarterly chart no one had ever shown me. When I promised to do several of the glass dividers every night (they didn’t want you to stay late and get overtime), and told her which I had done the next day, she said, “Oh, I did crm all this morning, cause I was bored, now they won’t let me use the tablet for anything but work stuff.” She said the last with a flare at me, as if that were my fault too.
            I should have just gone on dealing with whatever baby I was dealing and let her rants pass without comment, as my co-worker did.

            Btw, unemployment benefits hearing supposedly on the 26th. There was some Catch-22-ing: the agency wants you to do your subpoenas months in advance, but I didn’t have all of my (possibly hostile) witnesses’ names, and knew applying to my old boss would get me the same reaction as trying to get check stubs from them when they initially claimed I didn’t make enough (I got the stubs from my bank.) I couldn’t get a lawyer to get the names for me, however, because they don’t really contact you about whether they’ll take your case until you have a docket number.

            Meanwhile, the govt. Agency, told me that although I filed subpoenas by email within 5 calendar days of the hearing, as the form stipulates, it won’t get there in time because the mail is still not running at full speed.

            Too short notice to get a consult with HG, although listening to the “narc in court” has given me some things to work on. It’s a phone hearing, so I don’t have to worry about them trying to waylay me in the lobby or the bathroom, but I also can’t wound them by addressing all remarks to the judge and never glancing their way. OTOH, they can’t feed off the expressions on my face–nor can they see if I silently give the phone several Sicilian hand gestures I learned growing up in Philly. I know not to interrupt anyone else’s testimony, or to go beyond just answering the question even if you’re burning to explain, but some of my former co-workers may lose control, even if the judge can’t see them rolling their eyes and making faces. Even if the company wisely doesn’t allow GrinchLady to participate, the director will give the Al Gore loud sigh®.

            Here is where things get interesting:

            1) When I looked up the old employer’s address for a form, I found they were temporarily closed yesterday, a Tuesday. Could be a Covid outbreak; I don’t know if a boiler blew up or GrinchLady did, but what I’m hoping is they’re already being investigated for something or other.

            2) when I registered for the phone hearing, I got the following message on the agency site:

            The case you entered is part of a group of related cases that are all being heard in the same hearing:
            xxx-30 (primary)
            xxx-92
            The participant information only needs to be entered once, on the primary case, which is quoted above. You do not need to enter the same participant(s) on the other related cases.

            Could it possibly be that my old employer had been shady AF with more than one person?

          4. Jasmin says:

            Hi TS!

            You doesn’t sound like a an awful child to me. Your mother on the other hand didn’t treat you well. You had to cope with the situation. You recognised that she wanted your ‘reaction’ and therefore you denied her that. The fact that she wants your reaction underpins she needs fuel. I don’t think that narcissistic people need fuel?🤔

            You say that you think she got empathy. What memories do you have that makes you think that?

            How was/is her relationship with your father? Did she manipulate him? Did she smear him?

            An advice is to open up old emails, sms, messenger conversations and suchlike (if you have any) and look for manipulations. Write down everything you find because when you do so you can see the extent of it. I tended to think ‘that was a bit strange’. That ONE thing. When you write down everything and look at that paper with maybe 20 strange behaviours it becomes evident that it’s not just one or two or three ‘issues.

            Do you got the HG mauls the MMRB? For me, it gave me that final confirmation. I can recommend to get it if you for some reason can’t do the NDC.

            No need to apologise TS. Thank you for sharing. It was interesting but also heartfelt to read. ❤

          5. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Hey Leigh,

            You aren’t overstepping at all, and I’m not offended at all by your comment. Thank you though for your sensitivity as regards me and more personal questions, I appreciate that x.

            If you had written my comment above, I would definitely see a number of red flags, no doubt about it. I would feel sorry for little Leigh too.

            What I did above in my first comment really was to end up listing the bad bits in relation to the original question about how I handled my mum, plus I am questioning if I am an ACON or not since HG’s video.

            There were also good bits to my childhood though. I thought more about this today. No ruined birthdays or Christmases. No big bust ups on special occasions.

            Those narc hallmarks are missing entirely. I was taken places, allowed to see friends. You would think that it would be an easy win for a narcissist to disallow visits to friends, to isolate me, that wasn’t the case.

            Overall, there were numerous narc indicators, invasion of my privacy, the using my confided information against me, the temper, present silent treatments, the self pity, use of illness for sympathy, (any minor illness was definitely fatal), the triangulation, provocation and the repeated dissatisfaction with and chipping away at my dad. But as I said earlier to Jasmin, when things do turn bad, she does show up. She will support. If I broke my leg tomorrow, she’d want to come down to my house, she’d cook, the washing and ironing would be done, the dog would even be walked, no doubt about it.

            It’s weird isn’t it? Emotionally distant but steps up when really needed. Is that enough to demonstrate emotional empathy though? I’m not sure. Is she banking good deeds so I do stuff in return? If she is, she shot herself in the foot there haha, I’d likely do those things anyway.

            I see why parental narcissists are tough to spot. I am relying on memories of things that happened years ago, the interpretation of a child. The decision of a child to disconnect. There are no feelings of sadness associated with it. No feelings of despair or failure. There are no feelings about her at all, just practicalities and a sense of duty.

            Xx

          6. Leigh says:

            TS, I’m glad to hear you’ve got a consult scheduled with Mr. Tudor. I think it will help.

            I don’t have any fond memories of childhood and I didn’t experience any support, so I can’t speak from my point of view. But I can speak from my children’s point of view and they would say the same thing about their father as you say about your mother. I can’t believe I’m going to say this but he was a “good” father. He did all the right things. He did what he was supposed to do. It was facade maintenance though. He did some terrible things to them as well.

            I know its not easy but maybe you should do the narc detector. At the very least, it will give you clarity. Finding out about my daughter was probably one of the hardest things I’ve learned but now I know and at least the wondering is now gone.

          7. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Hi AV,

            Thank you for your comment, I very much appreciate it. Yes, it is tricky looking back and trying to decipher things. In some ways Im less concerned with what she is and more concerned with her getting a fair deal.

          8. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Violetta,

            How did it go?

            The ignoring of the Grinch’s whining might have been easier said than done. Two things in play there, the repetitiveness of the whining on her part but also, you were witnessing very subtle but definite cruelty to those babies. In that case, all bets are off. I think you did extremely well not to let fly. Kids? I’d struggle to hold on to my temper as I’m sure you did daily.

            That is very interesting. I would expect a group case to carry far more weight. I suppose it depends on who the group case is against, an individual, individuals, or the company itself. I would be encouraged by that though I think. It might take longer to resolve perhaps? Several damning reports are a pattern, one is more ‘he says she says’. I think it sounds favourable for you.

            Laughing at the hand gestures. You might benefit from a voodoo doll too, ok several, several voodoo dolls!

            Let me know what happens. It would be good to hear one of our own sticking it to the narcs!

            Xx

          9. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Leigh,

            Thank you for your answer. That got me to thinking about something else. I would be a secondary not a primary source. Secondary sources receive corrective devaluations rather than sustained devaluation. I was looking at it more from the perspective of a primary source which is incorrect. Her worst behaviours were intermittent. It wasn’t a day in day out thing with me.

            That’s interesting about how your children would describe their childhood, and, I’m sure a great relief and testimony to your positive influence. Your husband ‘doing the right thing’ is probably more how it feels with my mum.

            Yes, I anticipate that an NDC is the only way to know for sure. The outcome of the NDC doesn’t worry me. Giving a fair representation worries me and my reaction to the outcome of the NDC worries me in terms of my own behaviour.

            Meh. Consultation first, then I’ll decide one way or the other. The 100k interview last night was interesting with Julia. She came out as narcissistic on her EDC. Clarification about how to differentiate between the behaviours of a narcissist and someone who is narcissistic might be enough to nail it for me. I live in hope haha!

            Thanks again for your comment Leigh, it helped clarify things for me.

            Xx

          10. Leigh says:

            TS, When I did the NDC on my daughter, I struggled too. As I was completing it, I already knew the answer. Then at one point, I stopped and sent it to Mr. Tudor as is. Then the next morning I woke up, emailed Mr. Tudor and asked him if I could add more. You’ll give a fair representation because not doing so only hurts you. That’s what I realized and why I reached out and asked if I could add more.

            When I heard Julia’s interview, I immediately had hope for your mom too!

          11. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Leigh,

            I can only imagine. That must have been incredibly difficult for you. Yes, you probably did know, you just needed to do it right and be sure.

            I think I want to just talk things through with HG first. Get all of my defensive information across first, explain, give context etc. Then if I decide to go the NDC route, he has all of the background I can possibly think of.

            I suspect HG doesn’t need it. In fact I know he doesn’t need it. My background info wouldn’t influence anything, but I still need to do it, for me, no one else.

            Xx

          12. Leigh says:

            I agree TS. Its only for you and no one else. I’m still hoping she’s like Julia and only narcissistic. Fingers and toes crossed.

            I saw your comment about self monitoring. I don’t want you to feel like you have to self monitor with me. I always appreciate your input and even if I’m not making the right decision, you don’t judge. You only show support. Thank you.

          13. Isabelle says:

            Hello TS,

            I have been reading your comments about wondering if your mum was a narcissist. What you describe in your comments sent chills down my spine (the yelling at you, the invasion of privacy, and the pity plays). I read on an other thread that you wrote: “I have a few things going on just now and am a bit overwhelmed, stressed out. I think that’s impacting me quite a lot.” I am sorry to hear this, and I trust that you will soon know more with HG, if the reason is your mother. Or any other reason that HG could probably help you with.

            You certainly do not sound like you were a awful child! on the contrary. I admire your strength (at being able to shut off emotionally at the age of 12! That must have been extremely hard on you, at such a young age, but you were able to shield yourself when it was vital, and I admire that.)
            Your comment shows how much you see the good in people. But if this video struck a chord in you, then the NDC is in order.

            Let us know what you find out, if and when you feel like it. Thinking of you TS, for you to find a way of not feeling so stressed out – and I know you will.

            (On an aside: I just read your message on DC today – you are amazing TS, I am not exaggerating – I have replied, but again under at a different place for lack of a reply button just under your message. Just mentioning because I do not get the notifications on DC, and maybe you don’t either)

            Sending you love and support, and hugs XX (these are kisses on your cheeks!)

          14. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Leigh,

            Thank you for crossing fingers and toes for me and for your point about the self monitoring, I’ll remember. X

            I’m glad you feel that you can talk to me and not feel judged. I made a similar comment to LET late last night funnily enough, then I saw your comment to me this morning! So I know what you mean and how you felt when you wrote that.

            I won’t add further detail, I’ll just say, “You’re very welcome.”

            Xx

          15. Leigh says:

            XOXO ❤

          16. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Isabelle,

            Thank you for your lovely comment and for la bise xx.

            Yes, you’re right, I’m slowly coming around to the idea of an NDC for my mum. I think I’ll feel happier discussing things with HG first, then if I’m going to do it, do it after that conversation. Recent weeks have had a compound effect on my thinking, likely elevated ET, I’m cloudy just now. I need a clear thinker to take the reigns, even if only for an hour!

            Thank you for your point about little TS and the path she chose. It remains to be seen if I did the right thing there. If my mum is a narcissist then yes. If she isn’t then that decision becomes more questionable. Something else that is whirling through my mind.

            I did see your note in DC thank you, I left you one back xx. You must have caught me on an amazing day, I usually have one once a quarter. Normal service is now resumed haha!

            Thank you for sending your love and support. I’m actually feeling much brighter today. One worry has been offloaded, I’m handing the others to the expert!

            Speak soon xx

          17. Viol. says:

            Truthseeker 6157:

            The hearing officer explained that the two dockets were for the pay eligibility issue and the termination issue. It turned out that because of bizarre “base period” rules, I was not eligible for benefits even if I had been laid off, not fired for cause, despite the fact that I had worked 20+ consecutive weeks. I was eligible for benefits for my most recent job with a 9-year-old (a job which ended on good terms when his parents were advised by his doctors to put him in a structured program for his LDs), but they couldn’t release the funds until the Miss Minchin’s claim was settled. When I asked how much funding I would get, given that I had one, possibly two part-time jobs starting the next week which might go over the benefit cap, he said that I would retroactively get the funds from the time of filing for the more recent job, and I should continue filing my current earnings.

            I did not bother pursuing the termination hearing, even though Miss Minchin (the director) and her lawyer were on the line. Miss Minchin spoke very little, just to swear in, but her voice sounded higher-pitched and more nervous then I’d ever heard it. Per HG’s advice, I did not speak to her or her lawyer, addressing all remarks to the hearing officer. He asked me if I was sure I didn’t want to put a statement about the termination on the record, if I had something to say. I said, “I’ve got plenty to say, but I see no point in wasting my time saying it.” He was surprised, and probably relieved: the poor man very likely has to listen to rants most of the time. The truth is, if I decided to report the crap going on there to the government, it wouldn’t even be the same agency. I certainly wasn’t going to change BH management’s opinions, and trying to do so would of course give them fuel.

            In retrospect, I wish I hadn’t said even that I had plenty to say: just requested to withdraw the eligibility case so I would get my money. They’d have got no fuel whatever. But making it clear that I was more interested in the money than in addressing their injustices gave them relatively little fuel. They also know I’ve been working successfully with others, although I realized to be completely cured of my narc addiction, I should not care what they know or what they do not know.

            I’ve since been hired for by a classical school out of state, which will be another long story (I have packrat syndrome, and moving will be a nightmare), but I noticed that the urge to “show them at Miss Minchin’s” has diminished remarkably. I used to wonder what I would do if I ran into one of them in public, but I’m not sure if I’d even bother thanking them for making it possible for me to get a much better job. (Ray Davies reportedly shook the hand of the manager who had fired him from his supposedly steady job, freeing him to go on tour as his Kinks bandmates had been urging him to do, at which point they broke into the industry and eventually found fame.) I worried about their thinking I was a failure, but if I have been finding some success, shoving that fact in their faces should be the least important thing about it.

            It’s depressing to know how easily I relapse into this childhood desperation to win approval from people, even when I know (as with Miss Minchin’s), their approval isn’t worth having. I knew GrinchLady was an ignorant jackhole, but the fact that management, supposedly better educated, apparently endorsed the way she mistreated the children and constantly violated their own policies still left me in a fog.

          18. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Violetta,

            That all sounds really positive to me! You gave some challenge fuel, that’s it.

            You can draw a line under it now. Good riddance to bad rubbish, time to look forward. It sounds to me like you have the best possible outcome, you have a new job, a change of scene to look forward to in a far better school which likely has far better opportunities for progression.

            I can understand the feeling of wanting to run into Miss Minchin, let her know how well you are doing, prove you are starting a better job etc. I don’t see that as seeking approval. I see it as pride. Similar to being dumped by a boyfriend then going out, getting a fab outfit, new hair cut and looking hot so you can show him what he’s missing. All to say, “You messed up my friend, and seriously, I wouldn’t take you back now if my life depended on it.” Pride, not approval seeking. In my view anyway haha!

            You didn’t revert to childhood. You took control of the situation, took them to task, sorted your finances, found a new job and you are willing to move to a new place. That isn’t regression, it’s brave, and it’s pretty kickass when you’re flying solo. Be proud of yourself Violetta, girl did good!

            When do you move and when do you start?

            Xx

        2. Truthseeker6157 says:

          Jasmin,

          Thank you for your response and for raising those points because I have asked myself the same.

          In some ways I regretted my original comment, not because it was inaccurate, but rather it told only the negative side.

          I think that my mum has empathy because she has concern for me. The concern is supported by action, she doesn’t just offer empty platitudes. An example would be my getting sick after my university exams one year. Essentially stress and me not making time to eat made me ill. I had intended to stay in my shared house that summer rather than going home. The day after my last exam I started being sick. This continued for days, the doctor gave the wrong anti sickness injection making me worse and I was so weak I couldn’t stand up. My back was against the wall. I phoned home. Three hours later, my mum was there. Packed my clothes, my friend’s boyfriend carried me to the car and we drove home. My mum cried the whole way home as she drove. She kept asking ‘How did you do this to yourself?’ The following day I went to my doctor at home. I was put on meds and a strict diet. My mum nursed me back to health that summer. It took weeks, no complaint, no sly comments, just a focus on getting me back to full health. She was genuinely upset there, genuinely concerned.

          That’s probably the key reason I believe she has empathy. It’s a ‘ catastrophic event’ kind of empathy. I saw it again when my dad had his heart operation. It felt like genuine fear. I drove her to the hospital each day. She looked pale, she looked scared, she lost weight, she was visibly upset and she was terrified of losing him. I question though if the fear of losing him was for him or for her.

          Your question about how my mum treated my dad is a good one. Contrary to my last statement, she didn’t treat him well when I was growing up. I actually think this was key to my cutting off from her emotionally. She didn’t smear him to my knowledge. My dad worked in various locations throughout the UK. He hated being away from home and rather than stay in a hotel, would drive ridiculous distances to get home, then get up early to drive back again. Often he would come in and my mum would have already gone to bed. No dinner cooked, no nothing. He had come in late. Not good enough. Lots of things like that, triangulation and put downs, more a chipping away, nothing he did was quite good enough for her. I witnessed her triangulate my dad a lot, triangulation with objects and with people. I didn’t know then it was triangulation, I just knew it was wrong and also unfounded. Pity plays also.

          I think you’re right, I don’t think narcissistic people need fuel so if picking a fight was for my reaction rather than due to a quick temper, then this does point to narcissist rather than narcissistic.

          Looking back I would describe my childhood as happy. I think that’s also important to note. Both my parents made sacrifices so that I could go to good schools and have the best start in life they could provide. They were united in that. I was well looked after, well clothed well fed. I have fond memories of family outings and family holidays. When I examine these memories though, they all centre very much around my dad. When my dad wasn’t there, things were different. I have no positive memories of one to one time with my mum, but lorry loads with my dad.

          I have the HG Mauls the MMRB and re listened to it. Much of what HG describes there could be related to my mum but not all of it.

          Yes, there are lots of instances I could write down of my mum’s narcy behaviours. Consistent behaviours. In many ways though it feels disrespectful to the ACONs here to place my experiences in the same box. I have read truly horrific accounts of systematic abuse at the hands of parental narcs. My experiences pale by comparison to theirs. ACONS know what abuse is, they’ve lived it. I think this difference is also part of the reason I rest on narcissistic rather than narcissist.

          I have bought a consultation with HG. I think understanding the differences between the two categories will help to clarify things for me.

          Thank you for your thoughts Jasmin, you asked really sensible questions and they allowed me to give attention to the more positive side of my experiences.

          Xx

          1. Jasmin says:

            Hi TS,

            I had a busy past week that’s why I’m late in responding to you.
            I have read your awnsers to Leight to get a further picture. Great that you have booked a consultation with HG. He really is the expert!

            “It’s a ‘catastrophic event’ kind of emapthy”. A question that arises is, doesn’t she demonstrate any empathy or very por empathy (be it cognitive or emotional) in normal circumstances?

            If I broke my leg my dad would be looking after me as well. (If any contagious infection he does not come near!!) He wouldn’t complain about looking after me but he would do his ‘usual complaints’. He does point out what he have done for me. First directly after he has done a task and then, before leaving, he adds up everything he has done during, for example, a week. It will be used at a later occasion when he needs help.
            My dad looked after my son during my second birth and then me and my son for a few days after.

            She didn’t ruin Christmas or birthdays but can you relate to ‘narsissists and gifts’ in relation to those days? Instead of being ruined there might have been some feeling of disappointment?
            Again turning to my own experience my dad bought me CDs with artists that HE like of genres that I don’t..

            Just some questions and thougts.

            Hope you gets clarity.

            I wrote on the computer this evening and there’s no help with spelling. I apologize for all the errors. I didn’t do my homework.

          2. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Hello Jasmin,

            No need to apologise, I’m always super impressed by how commenters communicate so well when English isn’t their first language. 😊

            That’s interesting what you said about your dad looking after you if you were hurt but not contagious. You’ve got to hand it to the narcs sometimes! As a kid, my mum looked after me contagious or not. I was very rarely sick though. As an adult, she likely wouldn’t come around if I was contagious.

            My mum goes all out on gifts. As a kid, I always received what was requested plus gifts from Santa at Christmas. There was an element of competition though I think. My best friend growing up came from a wealthier family. I didn’t ask for the things my friend asked for, but my mum wouldn’t have wanted to look like she couldn’t afford to buy nice gifts. It’s so difficult to establish motivation behind what might be genuine and what might be done for the Prime Aims or facade management.

            I made a list as you suggested. There are a very safe 37 indicators for narcissism with 17 of those being done very regularly. I used HG’s Amber Heard analysis. He gave a list of indicators. I decided plagiarism was acceptable in time of need so I copied his list down, then had to prove each item on the list for my mum.

            In terms of my mum demonstrating empathy outside of catastrophic situations, I’d say rarely. I can remember one instance when I changed school. I hated the new school to begin with. I can remember us both sitting on my bed and me crying asking to go back to my old school. My mum cried too because I was so upset. When I was very young I used to get upset as she dropped me off at school. She would jog up the path to the door of the school singing, “Run rabbit run rabbit run run run, run to the school and have fun fun fun.” I don’t remember that fondly though. I remember it more as if I’m watching someone else other than me. It seems like even my memories that ought to make me feel warmth, just don’t carry any emotion at all.

            I can imagine HG reading this now and saying, “So to clarify, there are 37 indicators for narcissism and you can give examples for each. Correct?”

            Not looking good is it? Thank you for your thoughts Jasmin and for working through this with me. Your questions have prompted me to further search through my memories. I feel prepared for my consultation next week.

            I’ll let you and the empaths here know the outcome once I have it.

            Xx

          3. Joa says:

            It was a very interesting conversation! TS, it was nice to read about some of your childhood memories. I can see some correlations with the systems in my family. I would be grateful, if you write, what was HG’s verdict.

            To me – your mom looks like a codependent. But of course I’m not an expert.

    4. Violetta says:

      You aren’t doing anything wrong, jasmin. WordPress is possessed by the demon Pazuzu.
      You may wish to try prayer or saging, but don’t use Holy Water on the laptop or phone.

      1. jasmin says:

        😂😂 We blame it all on Pazuzu!
        Don’t worry about my laptop. I got no Zamzam at home..😉🤣

      2. Truthseeker6157 says:

        Haha!

        I saw a TikTok the other day. It was about if you carry the mark of the witch.

        It turns out the identifying mark is a dark freckle in a specific spot on your forearm. Needless to say I have it. Who knew?!

        Do Dee do do, do Dee do do. ( Twilight Zone)( Non Robert Pattinson version)

        Xx

        1. HG Tudor says:

          There really is a lot of shite on TikTok.

          1. Truthseeker6157 says:

            There really is.

            (She said, stood at her cauldron)

          2. Violetta says:

            TS6157:

            But does the dark freckle feel pain when the witch-finder sticks a pin in it?

            If not,
            A) you’re a witch;
            B) there’s a retractable point because the witch-finders are a bunch of narcs; or
            C) you have some kind of melanoma, so you probably would have died anyway, even if they didn’t hang you. (Burning was a European thing.)

          3. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Violetta,

            “But does the dark freckle feel pain when the witch-finder sticks a pin in it?”

            Only if he catches me mid levitate.

            Xx

          4. Ren says:

            Oh yes HG!

            My personal favourites are;

            People calling themselves ‘baby witches’. No, you’re a neophyte or dedicant

            You can only use wands on a Wednesday.

            Never sleep naked in case you attract the attention of a lustful demon.

        2. Ren says:

          Dear TS

          Your comment on the Witches Mark did make me laugh! Had to comment!

          I just wanted to thank you for thinking about me. I saw that you asked about me on 9th May 2021 and I never responded. It must have looked like I had disappeared! In fact last May was one of the most tumultuous times of my life. In fact, much like 2017 was, it was pivotal.

          There was a number of massive shocks. Especially around midsummer then from the Equinox on. They didn’t stop until beginning of March. Then in Nov I had the distinct pleasure of a series of domestic abuse incidents. What was remarkable is that I wasn’t in a relationship with him! I ended up moving house.

          I’m settling in nicely now but I’m certainly not the person I was.

          How are you?

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