This is NOT No Contact No. 3 – Checking Social Media



The temptation to check the narcissist´s social media is strong, often irresistible. After all, you need to know what he is doing, who is he with after he disengaged from you, is he writing about you? Does that cryptic post have something to do with you or is it aimed at someone new?

He said he was not in town this weekend, so how come he has checked in at the bar in the city centre? Why is he posting memes about loyalty? Has he fallen out with the new Intimate Partner Primary Source? Are those comments about never trusting part of a smear campaign against you? Why are the pictures of him and you still up when he is no longer seeing you? Why have the pictures of you and him been removed so quickly at the end, does he not care at all?

Where is she? Who is she with? What is she doing? What does this mean? Why has he gone there? Who is that person in the picture? Why did he not take me there? Why is she with him? Why has he chosen her?

Questions. Questions. Questions.

And you went snooping on the social media to get answers. You may get some, but more usually you will only generate more questions. Even if you gain some answers, they will lead you to want to learn more, you think you are playing detective, piecing it together, but all you are continuing to do is engage with the narcissist by doing something in relation to the narcissist (viewing his or her social media), then talking about what you find with other people (often at length) and/or ruminating over it.

Always the questions? Always the pondering?

Think you have gained some knowledge? Maybe, but your emotional thinking will make you think you are making progress and keep you hunting. If you do not turn something up at first, your emotional thinking will keep you hunting again, convincing you that everyone has something on social media and therefore the answers will come in due course.

But this is not breaching no contact is it? After all, it is not as if you are spending time with the narcissist or talking to him. There is no direct contact and how can he even know that you are looking at his Facebook posts, watching his Twitter feed, spying on his Instagram activity?

Firstly, the narcissist expects you to be doing this, such is the entitlement and grandiosity. Thus, Thought Fuel will be generated, for a short time at least.

Secondly, by engaging in this you are of course inviting being impaled on The Devil´s Pitchfork. You may not be providing any fuel, but you will be suffering an adverse consequence because you will become confused, irritated, hurt, angry and so forth and thus you are losing. You are also increasing your emotional thinking and thus remaining on The Narcissist´s Wheel of Misery. You will not reduce your emotional thinking by engaging in this activity and furthermore, by keeping it high, you will keep engaging further, hunting, sifting, analysing and spying. With the continued consequence as you go round and round and round.

You do not need to know what the narcissist is saying, doing, seeing or boasting about.

Your emotional thinking corrupts your empathic trait of truth seeking to make you think this is a necessary and logical step.

It is not.

You are breaching the first golden rule of freedom.

You must halt this activity and the the most effective way is to remove yourself from social media (for a time at least) and ensure you do not look at the narcissist on social media in any shape or form.

Get Out.

Stay Out.

9 thoughts on “This is NOT No Contact No. 3 – Checking Social Media

  1. Joa says:

    Unfortunately, I do not have this option. I would definitely do it from time to time, ha ha ha 🙂

    N2 is like a ghost. When it disappears, it does so on all levels. For many, many years, there is only 1 trace of him on the web.

    He only speaks and reveals, when he wants to. And of course he shows me, what he wants shows.


    N1 publishes passionately. Daily. After all, he is so wonderful 🙂 People strive for his favor, flirt and brag in his shadow, I like, I like, I like x 1000 🙂 I have already discreetly removed him twice from my friends on fb, but he always notices after some time and sends an invitation again, and I pretend that I don’t know how it happened 🙂 I won’t run away, because it’s hard for me to tell him straight in the eye: piss off 🙂 So, I put up with his photos and stories, which sometimes show themselves to me. Boring for me – everything he does is a duplicate of what I have already experienced with him. But… somehow it annoys me a bit, about 1% of me is irritated by it 🙂 And that’s probably what it is about 🙂 Ok, it does not affect my life and my decisions, let him have this satisfaction 🙂 At least I have peace, rest.

    1. Joa says:

      Yeah, funny that the day I wrote this, N1 reached out to me with his tentacle. Short arrow. An invitation to a bonfire (I love bonfires!). Deliberate mistake, banal. No response. I have no time.
      -> I remember your punishment, come back in the fall. We start equal to 2 years after your lie about the disease and the expected date of death, not earlier. Hold on tight, you will be writhe like a worm in the face of my naivety 🙂 Do not be afraid, you will survive, confess and apologize or you will have to leave. I know what you will choose.

      N2 tries. Constantly checks. He jiggles my dead body with a stick 🙂 I know, that he would like to kick. Destroy or revive.
      -> It’s not the time. Not yet. You taught me patience of angels. Now you are eating the fruit you have grown. We will come back to us later. Much later.

      Peace and quiet.

      Chaos is from a completely different side now. It grows stronger. For now, I have to surrender to him, go inside, explore to find a way and pacify him. Big effort. Yes, sometimes I feel very tired.
      -> Less excitement. More thrills. Control your emotions. Shoot with emotions. Safely. Dangerously. Observ it.

  2. m0x says:

    Never done in 5 years.
    Sometimes the temptation come…
    But I always resist.

  3. Kelly says:

    I did not like your tone of voice when I made the borderline comment. Everyone has their own likes and dislikes I guess. I assumed that ou being a top level manipulator you could control that a little better.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Given that I have not spoken to you, I am unsure how you are able to comment on the tone of my voice. What you mean is, I corrected you, you did not like that and therefore you imprinted your own defensiveness on what I wrote, attributing an interpretation to it that was yours, not mine.

  4. Asp Emp says:

    I laughed myself silly re-reading this comment. I laughed myself silly writing it. I certainly don’t hold back. Critical to the hilt.

    No point in having Matt HandOnCock ‘roasted’ now. He’s disappeared off the radar of public interest…….

    And, I still been a good girl. I do not check any past narcissists social media, nothing, nada, nil.

  5. Pingback: This is NOT No Contact No. 3 – Checking Social Media - Dark Triad Personality
  6. Pamela Swain says:

    No. I get vital information about you, your plans, and you behavior patterns. Only weak people who are under a psychopath’s control need to cut off contact. I am not under any of you all’s control. I know you, Tony, Alan, Harvey like I knew you from birth.

    Know thy enemy, or so they say.

    1. Violetta says:


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