Golden Opportunity


Failure creates opportunity. It creates the opportunity for you to learn. We know however that sitting you down and explaining your failure to you is far too easy. That will not lead to a correction in your behaviour and neither will it provide us with what we need. A quiet word in your ear, a gentle touch, the whisper of blame and the suggestion of reparation will not serve either of us. You must be punished for your failure and in doing so I create an opportunity for you to learn from that failure and in turn I grant you absolution. I must confess that I dole out the savage sanctions for your transgressions to serve my purposes but happily there is a benefit for you as well.

The negative fuel which I extract from you as a consequence of the chastisement which I visit upon you is entirely necessary. I must have it for if I do not I run the risk of being destroyed and this world needs people like me. We are the achievers, the creators and the builders who act with clarity of purpose, absolute vision and without the blurring nature and hampering effects of the emotional baggage which hinders others. We are needed to succeed, create industries, entertain the masses, achieve sporting perfection, compose the sublime, paint the ethereal and shine. Without us the world would be a lesser place and that is why we must always exist.

Your part in this does not go uncredited. If it were not for you and your kind then I would not receive the fuel, both positive and negative which is required in order for me to exist and fulfil my purpose. I need you. I may not like to admit that fact but it is a recognised one. I need your fuel and in return I provide you with a period of brilliance and then a period of correction to allow you to recognise the error of your ways. I cannot just tell you what you have done wrong, that would be too easy and you would not become a better person if the way forward was made too easy for you. The harshness of my teaching, the horror of my manipulations and the savage lectures are all for your own good.

It is only through such stern and disciplined admonishments that you will begin to understand and then you will find absolution. You will eventually, although the lessons may take some considerable time, years in numerous instances, come to understand what your role is. Not only will you understand your role but you will willingly accept that position as a sacrifice which you much make for the greater good. By acknowledging your role in submitting to us you will find absolution. You will begin to realise that the sacrifices you have made, of your self-worth, your confidence and your self-esteem have been worthwhile because they have helped fuel me and thus you have allowed me to exist.

Consider that, you are central to the existence of one such as I. You prove to be an integral part in enabling me to exist and function and in turn it is through your involvement that I am able to bring my brilliance to bear on the world. Such an involvement should be welcome by you and you ought to give thanks for being allowed to contribute, to participate and to be involved in this manner. You, through me, are able to create a lasting legacy. True, you must ensure considerable hardship in fulfilling this role but in doing so you become a better person, a worthwhile person and a useful person. Through the correction that I shall administer to you, you will suffer but then when has anything that has been worth doing been easy and pain-free? Never. I share that pain. Do you think it is easy having to garner fuel each and every day? Do you think it is easy leading, guiding and forging a new path, always moving forward? No, we all have our crosses to bear and mine is heavier than most, but I exhibit the fortitude and determination that I know you possess in order to ensure that you realise your true potential.

I chose you because I knew that you would ultimately do the right thing. I knew you would provide me with what I needed. I hoped that it would always be good but I also recognised that even if you failed me in that aspect of your role I could count on you to endure the hardship and the denigration because you wanted to help me, you wanted to realise the role which I secured for you. You wanted to succeed just as I have wanted you to succeed. I am a harsh taskmaster but you brought it on yourself. You failed and therefore you must be punished for this aberration, yet through this failure you can redeem yourself. You can exhibit your true worth and make amends for your failings, your shortcomings and your betrayal. I know you can do this because that is why I chose you. I know you can do this because I can see it in you. I know you can do this because I will make you, no matter what and against whatever odd, achieve this. I only have your best interests at heart, even if my tongue and fists may seem to tell you to the contrary.

You will not like me because I am hard but it is this hardness which means that you will learn much from me. You will realise your potential and you will always strive, driven on by me, with my encouragement, harsh as it may seem, to achieve that is right for me, for the world and ultimately through that you will achieve your absolution.


16 thoughts on “Golden Opportunity

  1. WiserNow says:

    I just saw a beautiful and moving dance routine from the UK television show ‘Strictly Come Dancing’. The dancers were Rose Ayling-Ellis and Giovanni Pernice. Rose is the amateur – and she was born deaf – while Giovanni is the professional dancer. The routine includes a completely silent segment of about 10 seconds. During the silence, the dancers continue dancing and then the music comes back on and blends with the dance routine seamlessly again.

    I thought it was such a simple concept to include silence in the routine, yet so powerful and effortless in its ability to convey a message. In the conveying of the message it created a certain understanding in the audience and that understanding made it moving.

    For the dance to be powerful and to succeed in its aim – to entertain and delight and ‘succeed’ – the dancers needed to know the steps and learn the routine. To ‘dance’ together, they needed to meld their movements ‘in sync’ with each other. They needed to trust each other and each one needed to believe that the other one was aiming for the same thing – which was ultimately to make the dance succeed. The dancers weren’t competing with each other – that would have ruined the dance and made the routine into something else completely.

    One dancer was deaf while the other could hear. In some ways, I think that’s a similar situation to two people where one person has empathy and one doesn’t. Each person is ‘deaf’ to the other.

    The backdrop is the music. The aim is to dance to the music. If you can’t ‘hear’ the music, but still need to dance, how do you do it?

    (The bigger ‘backdrop’ is the TV program that made the dancing possible and the nameless people who make the show happen in the first place, but for the sake of my comment, I’m going to limit the backdrop to just the music.)

    In this case, Rose, the deaf partner, learned the steps from Giovanni, a confident dancer unafraid of facing a difficult brief. He taught her the steps through counting, memorising, movement, patience and perseverence. He had to stand back and allow her to shine, because although she is an amateur, she is the ‘star’ of the duo within the premise of the TV show. Really though, they are both equally important and the actual ‘star’ is the dance they create together.

    If you look at their interactions, he is constantly reassuring her – looking at her and smiling, talking, and touching, hugging, kissing her, holding her hand. He is constantly communicating in ways that don’t need speech and sound.

    Rose learns the dance in ways that don’t require fully hearing the music. I’m not deaf, so I am not going to pretend to know what techniques worked for her. I think though that Rose placed a lot of trust in Giovanni and he didn’t let her down.

    In the end, they danced beautifully and they delighted and moved the audience to better understand deafness and to better understand communication and trust – and their goal (i.e. their dance) succeeded.

    They won and everyone lived happily ever after 😉

  2. Duchessbea says:

    I’m in a relationship with the most incredible man. He is everything a woman could ever want in a man. Appreciating him for who he is, his kindness and most importantly how genuine he is, makes this relationship one of my best and most enduring and it is great. When you apply everything that you have thought to us all HG, the most important lesson starts with the self. You get that right and everything else falls into place. There really is not enough words of gratitude in this world to thank you for your candor and advice HG. I am currently overflowing with empathy and love and sending it your way.

  3. Asp Emp says:

    This is a good article when it is considered after learning to understand about narcissism, the affects of it in your past and obtaining the knowledge for the future. It is how the Emotional Thinking is managed, whoever you are with, wherever you are and keeping you Logical Thinking ‘switched’ on and ‘listening’ to your intuition.

    As HG says, “go by the evidence, observe the behaviours”.

    Note to the narcissists of my past, I ‘absolve’ myself from the ‘bonds’ with yourselves, I did not deserve any ‘punishment’ that you dished out on me, I am not guilty, I have no obligation to ‘abide’ to your “rules” any more.

    Note to narcissists in my future, it is without guilt, without obligation to yourselves, I am obliged to remember what I have learned about narcissism, I owe it to myself and other people that I support in the future. I give you your control, I retain my power.

    Absolution is granted.

    Thank you, HG, for your work that gave me freedom to be ‘me’ xxx

    1. dave says:

      In the long run we were all ambushed, but we had cracks and chinks in our armor that allowed it. That is the self realization that needs to happen to permanently escape and in the process to absolve ourselves for being true to what we are and them for being true to what they are. Also in the long run, like many things its better to not take it personally. It happened in your life rather than happened to YOU. They will always be true to their nature as we must be to ours. I don’t believe in the term “lessons” but if there is not self reflection or understanding that we play a role until we are weaponized, there will be no emancipation…. enjoy your freedom!

    2. BC30 says:

      Hi Asp Emp! It’s been a while since I’ve been on and here I am worried that I may have been ensnared, not knowing if it’s paranoia or real red flags (I am rereading Red Flags right now).

      I have plans with him this weekend and I think I will cancel last minute to gauge his reaction and demonstrate to myself that I have the logical capacity to overcome my emotional thoughts and “miss out” on having a wonderful time with him.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        BC30, thank you for sharing your thoughts. I understand what you mean and can understand why you’d think like that. Something has obviously made you start to think and question what he is. Was it the speed of the relationship (from when you met to now)? Is it his behaviours? Is it yours? The fact you are asking yourself these questions indicates something feels ‘off’. Have a think, write notes down to yourself and most of all, be honest to yourself – what changed since your met him. Is it something I said in my comment as above? Try and relax your mind, breathe and if you need to cancel plans, then do. Or you can consult with HG? It may be something and nothing.

        1. BC30 says:

          There are not many red flags, but there are a few. It may be insecure attachment. There is only one way to find out. Meanwhile, I am setting some boundaries and seeing what happens.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            BC30, thank you for your response. I understand. Like I suggested, it may be something and nothing 🙂

          2. BC30 says:

            NDC the only real way to know. 🙂

          3. BC30 says:

            It turns out it’s a combination of attachment style and my paranoia!

          4. Asp Emp says:

            BC30, that is good to know, thank you for sharing. I’d thought about you yesterday and wondered how you’d got on. Communicating well with him would assist in building up on the trust levels. Ah, I’m pleased for you, how sweet 🙂 You deserve some peace & contentment 🙂

          5. BC30 says:

            I’ve been having issues with WordPress. Anyhow, he’s amazing! I was very leery at first, but looking back the relationship built up trust and feelings slowly. He did the EDC, but I won’t talk about that for now. So, I know for a fact he’s an empath. I was pretty close in my guess!

            Having worked through the damage done by the narcissist, doing A LOT of self-reflection over the last two years, I was in the right space to welcome this relationship.

            He’s encouraged me to return to burlesque and pole dancing, which I’m thrilled to be doing again. I’ve been working out and lost weight. I’m happier post-narc, my boyfriend simply adds to my happiness.

          6. Asp Emp says:

            BC30, great news that he is an empath. Maybe that is all you need to share about his empath status? He sounds like a keeper, well done on reaching this point in your life. I suppose with our pasts, it can seem like just the final ‘hurdle’ to get over and that is the ‘trust’ one. Sounds like you have achieved that. Well done and thank you for sharing your good news. I am delighted for you 🙂

      2. njfilly says:

        Hi BC30,

        Interesting idea. It’s best to stay detached anyway. You don’t know that it will be a wonderful time. Maybe you will have saved yourself a bad date. Have you cancelled yet? Are you going to suggest a reschedule, or wait to see what he says? I’m curious what will happen. My brother once mentioned to me that he would “test” women he was dating to gauge their jealousy. Of course, now I know he is a narcissist so possibly he wanted them to be jealous!

        I do something similar with myself. I like to deny myself things just for the discipline. If I get a package in the mail, I will wait days before opening it. I’ll buy a slice of cake and leave it on the counter and eat only one bite per day. Once I bought a package of mini cupcakes and rather than eating them I threw them away, one per day, just to see if I could do it. I’m weird like that sometimes.

        1. BC30 says:

          I’m not really testing so much as setting my boundaries, but I am wary. It’s partly due to my prior experience and partly what HG has taught me.

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