Knowing the Narcissist : 20 Fuelling Admissions
There are many things that my kind like you to say. We want to hear your praise, your affection, your love and your adoration. We want to hear your anger, your frustration, your upset and your vitriol. You hear words. We hear emotions which fuel us and cause the powering flames to burn fiercer and higher.
When you become ensnared by one of our kind, we make you a victim of our range of machinations. As part of this entrapment we aim to have you provide us with fuel and this is done by causing you to say certain things to us. We are obsessed with the concept of our status, our superiority and our power. We must always ensure that you are inferior to us, that we are in control and that you are obedient.
If we ever feel that this imbalance is slipping, then we will fight to maintain it. We are the conqueror you are the conquered. In keeping with this need for control and domination, we want you to not only be the victim but ensure that you act as one and portray your status of victimhood at all times in your dealings with us, save when we decide to the contrary.
The latter being usually for public appearances and the maintenance of the façade. We want and need to hear you reinstate your designated role. Of course this does not mean that you will declare that you are a victim, using those very words, because when we have you in our grasp you do not realise that you are indeed a victim.
Instead we need to hear it through you stating certain phrases which amount to admissions that you are a victim. Understand that when you make these remarks you are fuelling us and also reinforcing the imbalance that exists between you and us.
- I am sorry.
- I just didn’t think.
- I don’t know what I am supposed to do.
- I can’t understand what you want.
- I can’t take this anymore.
- I will do anything for you.
- I just want this to work.
- I’m not giving up on us.
- I deserve better than this.
- Why are you doing this?
- Please stop.
- Please talk to me.
- Am I not good enough for you?
- Why is it only me that is treated like this?
- I just want to be happy.
- Tell me what you want from me.
- I didn’t realise.
- I always put you first.
- I want to make you happy.
- What’s happened to us?
3 thoughts on “Knowing the Narcissist : 20 Fuelling Admissions”
Those 20 sentences I have been through over and over again. My partner gave me the silent treatment. I try to guess how he feels, what he is thinking. I cared so much to try and make him happy.
I remember the tears. The pain, then one day I just didn’t care anymore. I gave up. Maybe I am just mirroring his behaviour? Who knows. If you stay with someone long enough you do have to change in order to survive. They don’t change.
Thank you HG for providing the information. I saw how my partner delighted in my suffering, how he fed off my emotions.It is horrible.
What troubles me the most is the fury. The only emotion I see from him is anger. It was unlike anything I have ever seen, and your term “fury” really sums it up.
There is nothing like seeing a grown adult having what looks like a temper tantrum that normally only toddlers have. It can be frightening as well.
At a flick of a switch, you criticise them for something small and boom… As you explained many times HG this is because narcissists believe themselves to be perfect and impervious to any wrong doing.
A normal healthy person would not put up with this behaviour. Having little or no self esteem I basically stayed and put up with it. I realise that now. Thanks to your work my eyes have been opened. Thanks to therapy I can heal and hopefully build up my strength. I just hope one day I can feel again instead of being “numb”. I really hope that this loss of emotion is not permanent.
Hi Anna, I really felt for you with this comment. I think the numbing down of how acutely we feel emotion may be a protective mechanism. kind of disconnecting from the self, after repeated patterns interactions with a narcissist. I felt similar to this in the final stages of living with him and for some time when it all ended. I went to therapy to understand myself first, my own psyche and personality traits and values. I was then taught compassion focussed therapy practices to work on that relationship with me again. The hardest form of therapy for me at that time as I could not believe a word of it to start with. However just like his abuse built up my inner critic over the years through repetition . I could turn the tables and build my self back up with repetition of the compassion practices. I began to feel again ( good and not so good but I felt my emotions again ) it’s not permanent Anna, give yourself time and compassion, like you would someone you care for.
As an empath myself, raised by two narcs, I buried my emotions deeply very early on. It has been quite a process but even after being involved with and married to a narcissist for many years and being numb once he left, I have been able to unearth and feel some emotions again. Just letting you know this to say the is hope if you want the emotions back. Take care.