Knowing the Narcissist: Exorcism
The narcissist may be physically gone but his or her influence remains and it hurts. Whether you have escaped the narcissist or you have been cruelly discarded, the period thereafter is difficult, worrying and painful.
Why can’t you move on?
Why do you keep thinking about them?
How can we exert such a hold over you for months afterwards?
Why can’t you get him or her out of your mind?
Why do you see them everywhere you look? Why does it feel like he or she is still buried deep in your heart?
.Most importantly of all, what can you do to get rid of this feeling?
This is the answer. Through the narcissist’s perspective you will understand why you have been infected, why it is so effective and how you can successfully exorcise the narcissist from your heart and soul
11 thoughts on “Knowing the Narcissist: Exorcism”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
This book made a huge difference to me at a time when I was at my most vulnerable post escape. A voice of logic that broke through the cloudiness and confusion of ET. I would recommend this book to any empath struggling with feelings of sadness surrounding the loss of a narcissist friend or partner.
Xx
TS, believe it or not I bought this book and have yet to read it … that was on a recommendation from another blogger here when I was having a particularly hard time coming to terms with my most recent entanglement. I see your feelings of sadness were what overwhelmed you in terms of the loss. I experienced both anger and sadness. I just wanted to pose one question and that was whether you believe this “voice of logic” would help someone deal with anger as well as sadness? The anger on my part has now dissipated after this length of time, and with greater understanding. The sadness is gone as well. Both can be responses to realising you have been ‘duped’ by the narcissist. Since the book benefited you, maybe you can confirm.
Hey LET,
I read this when I was very very low, so in honesty the focus when reading was that debilitating ache. I will read it again with fresh eyes then I can answer with greater certainty.
I think it depends on the direction of the anger. If it was directed inwards and the empath was angry at themselves for having been duped, for having stayed, then the book would help.
If the anger is targeted outwards at the narcissist, anger about the loss of time for example, then the book is less geared towards that as I recall.
I will re read though, and let you know for sure. I have a free evening this evening 🙂
Xx
TS, that’s so sweet <3
I really didn't expect you to read it again, since I have a copy I should be doing that myself! I just thought off the top of your head you might have some idea how helpful it would be around anger as well as sadness. I think I fall in the later category of being angry with the narcissist, and hating on him for what he did – creating an illusion, having me believe it, and then destroying the illusion (and my sense of safety and security with that). The sadness for me came after that. I don't remember feeling overly angry with myself, though I do still feel sick sometimes at the thought of not seeing through his game the whole time it was being played. There's no going back, unfortunately. I must consider it a lesson well learned and never to be forgotten xox.
Thank you so much if you find the time to give some added feedback 🙂
Hey LET,
You’re welcome, always happy to share with you, you have never judged, only ever tried to understand. X
It does sound like vengeance in a way. I didn’t plan it though and I didn’t feel angry. I probably felt more, ‘superior’ than anything, which is an odd word to choose I know. I didn’t want him to have anything else from me. He didn’t deserve anything else. I wanted to completely erase myself from his space, I didn’t want anything left of myself there. I reacted at the point things were happening. I decided on the spot. I am one of life’s planners generally but each time I reach the tipping point it’s automatic. I don’t debate or go back and forth- that comes a lot earlier- I just ‘do’ without thinking and don’t necessarily know why. Someone else is driving the party bus, I’m there, but I’m not present.
Yes, I think you worded it exactly right as far as online narc was concerned. I understood the need to move on. I believed the NDC, I knew further interaction was a pointless exercise. That’s all logical thinking and entirely correct, but usually I’ve had an emotional reaction followed by an autopilot response. Online offered him a decent amount of cover too I think. Very different for me all round.
I’d never interact with anybody new online again. Not from scratch. I’d have to at least meet them a few times first. Online is a definite weakness for me and there is no point playing to a weakness. I learned my lesson. Obviously the blog is online, but it’s moderated by the Ultra, so I think I can call that safe!
I think there is possibly more scope for material about online ensnarements. I know dating sites have been covered but narcs are sly and their online presence extends beyond dating sites. It’s slow, feels harmless, they feel like a friend, Mid Rangers don’t push anything to start, no requests for pics, none of the expected stuff (though I’m sure somatics do) it’s softly softly and then their hooks are in. The conditioning has started, the trust starts to be earned. I think Elites are especially dangerous online because they aren’t obvious, he wasn’t obvious. They are in your group, then they are direct messaging, that twilight time when you are less guarded, more relaxed. Bad news, really bad news. Empaths really need to understand how it works and realise that any online presence can be a route in for the narc. It’s surprisingly effective and as you know, it did me a lot of damage.
It’s really lovely to chat again LET, it has been a while since we had a nice long chat 🙂 xx
LET,
I re read and my original comment is correct. It’s very geared to getting rid of sadness and confusion. It explains where these feelings are coming from and what to do about them.
If an empath was angry at themselves for being duped, staying too long etc, this book would help there also. If the empath isn’t sad, isn’t self flagellating and is instead angry at the narcissist, this book was not targeting this aspect.
In terms of a detailed account of the narcissist’s ‘tricks of the trade’, Exorcism is an excellent read there also.
Xx
TS, thanks so much for following up on that.
I probably was kicking myself for being duped and staying too long, experienced as humiliation, and sought to humiliate him in turn. That was the pain and anger of humiliation turned outward, so I guess there’s a couple of trajectories things can take initially – sadness or anger, the grieving process lends itself to both. I can’t remember you ever saying you were angry at the narcissist, it seemed to be more cut and dried decision making on your part in the end. No doubt I was a fountain of fuel reacting the way I did, but also may have caused an element of wounding in the process. He was not getting off lightly. That doesn’t seem to be an element in your breaking things off with the narcissist.
Sorry to delve further, teasing out thoughts for understanding, but it’s interesting how we react differently in the circumstances.
Really appreciate the time you took to read again, TS xox
No problem at all LET, I was happy to revisit and the book was as effective as I remembered. As I re read those pages that had particularly spoken to me at the time, I was just really grateful again for the book. It was a warm feeling with an aftertaste of sadness, my ET flickering as I saw myself again as was.
I’m low in anger. I experience a brief surge of anger but it’s replaced very quickly by dismissal. Complete dismissal.
With narc one (Love of My Life Guy) there was to and fro. A few splits then he’d hoover me back in after a few weeks. There was no anger for me at that point, just sadness at me having to end it. Usually for the same reason, I felt it wasn’t going anywhere. The tipping point where the anger did flare was after another separation. We had been apart for a few months that time and I’d been devastated. I was in a really bad way. He called and we agreed to meet. He took me to my favourite restaurant and told me that the time apart had made him realise that I was the person he wanted to settle down with. He talked about timings for when we should get married etc, although he didn’t actually propose, it was more “We should look at getting married next summer” kind of thing. Sense of entitlement? Haha! Oh just a bit! I was so happy to have him back though. Then, he told me that during the separation after only a week or two he knew that I was the one he wanted to be with but that he left it, didn’t contact me, he wanted to see if I would date someone else. Ok, one sec, say that to me again?Essentially, he wanted to test how devastated I was. I felt the anger fire up in me. I didn’t show the slightest flicker, didn’t miss a step in the conversation, but that was it for me, right then and there. I’d been absolutely devastated and he’d just been kicking his heels watching to see what I would do?! His little spies reporting my every move.
I tried for a few weeks after that dinner, but all of the feelings were gone. I tried to rekindle my own feelings, now that I’d been offered what I had wanted all along, but I just couldn’t do it. There was no anger, no sadness, no nothing. I was just going through the motions. I was distant, couldn’t be bothered returning calls, cancelled on him because I couldn’t be bothered seeing him. I made my decision to end it finally, but I was a bit naughty right at the end. I didn’t explain myself, he didn’t know anything was amiss. I took him to bed, knowing full well that was the last time. I was entirely selfish, immediately after, I got up, got dressed, and left. I didn’t need to say anything to him. Why should I? I offered no explanation. There was a professional photograph of me that he’d paid for, hanging on the wall by the door. I removed it and thought, “Work it out.”
Anger for me comes before I cut away, but I don’t show anger and I don’t keep hold of it, I feel absolutely nothing afterwards. I’ve got to get to that tipping point though. With him it was 4 years, Narc 2 was 18 months. Same response, different reason. Online narc was different. I landed here and made a conscious decision to leave but before my natural tipping point had been reached. Ideally I need to get there myself, a boundary needs to be crossed, dance around the boundary and I find it hard to give up. Cross the boundary and I’m already gone, but I can’t really force it through logic, I can’t bring it on myself.
That guy that described the INFJ door slam, gets close to it I think. In some ways I’d like to say that I leave with a bang and a flourish. It makes me smile to read accounts of what empaths have done to their narcs on the way out. It looks more elegant to me, more ballsy. I’d like to say that’s me, but it isn’t, possibly because Geyser is entirely absent and my anger trait is ridiculously low. So I don’t get the bang I just get the pop haha!
Xx
TS, thank you for your response. I enjoyed reading it 🙂 Mainly with a sense of appreciation for your explanation, but also noting the ‘flourish’ at the end of that four year relationship.
I have gained a new level of understanding around your experience of arriving here and not having reached that ‘point of no return’. I had severed my relationship with the most recent narc before I arrived, though had not severed every aspect of that relationship (retention of items and so on). I can see how you not having come to that place of separation under your own steam made for a different experience.
I do wonder if that’s also what provides an element of difficulty for others here who understand the need to move on, but haven’t quite reached the point where they are able to take that step. There could be many deciding factors, but coming to the conclusion on your own means that it is much more likely to be sustained. That, in no way, recommends ignoring good advice, but is mainly a recognition of the fact that the power of our will is an extraordinary thing which is motivating in the extreme.
For you it is a moment of ‘cutting off’ the other, a decisive moment. I have experienced the same. There is a possibility that any genuine feeling or emotion is gone and so neither anger nor sadness plays a part. Very cut and dried. And final. I see you even attempted to generate those feelings again with “love of your life” guy, but realised it was never going to happen, so took the opportunity to end it with a flourish on your own terms. There is an element of ‘vengeance’ in that, but maybe not the ‘heated’ kind I experienced.
Anyway, this has been a most insightful conversation and I really appreciate you opening up more about your experience here. Thank you for sharing more of your experience xox
Posted in wrong place LET, look up haha! 👆
Xx
TS, not sure what the “look up” comment refers to as I can’t see any further posts, but I will definitely keep an eye out xox