Psychopath : Saviour
I am both conqeueror and saviour. I enter a person´s world and set it ablaze, tearing apart everything that they recognize, I am the bringer of dark works and on certain occasions the implementation of my chaos engine has proven to be the saviour of more than one human being. Alastor, my gatherer of intelligence was so saved and recruited. I brought cold, clinical, pinpointed efficacy and tore down that which imprisoned her. From the carnage I emerge as rescuer. I am the destroyer. I am the saviour.
My psychopathy does not hinder my objective perception of the world to allow me to be of such effectiveness. So, when put in a situation where I have to save a human being from certain death, one might imagine that my response would be equally detached and analytical.
From my vantage point, I carefully observe the reactions of the person I am saving. Their wide-eyed panic, quickened breaths, and trembling limbs are evidence of the overwhelming fear that permeates their consciousness. I witness the way their face pales, muscles tense and their body language communicates a plea for help, seeking solace from their imminent demise.
Owing to my psychopathy, I am free from the constraints of feeling fear myself. Instead, my mind engages in a calculated exercise of strategy and analysis. I objectively evaluate the various options available, considering the most efficient and effective approach to rescue this individual from their precarious situation.
As I methodically anchor my mind to rationality, the heightened intensity surrounding the life-or-death scenario does not provoke a rise in my heart rate nor generate any adrenaline-fueled excitement. Rather, my focus narrows, and I carry out the necessary actions with stoic precision and measured movements.
While the person I am saving may cling to me in desperation, their trembling hands tightly clutching my arm, their pulse undoubtedly pounding with each passing second, I remain an impartial presence. There is no emotional bond or connection, I acknowledge their precarious state but viewing it as a problem to be solved rather than an experience to be shared.
From a purely observational standpoint, I notice the profound relief that washes over the individual once they are safely rescued. Their ragged breaths begin to slow, their body gradually relaxes, and I observe a wave of gratitude and vulnerability momentarily sweep over them. This is but a fleeting glimpse into a realm of emotion I can only observe from a distance – a realm that I will never enter.
My lack of emotional involvement allows me to analyze their gratitude, to assess its manifestations in their expression, gestures, and words. There is a fascination in witnessing the weight of their newly found lease on life, an understanding of the profound depth of gratitude experienced by a person awoken from the grasp of imminent danger.
As their saviour, I continue observing the aftermath of the rescue. The person I have just saved is now in a state of emotional flux, their demeanor shifting rapidly between relief and lingering distress. Their body language betrays the remnants of fear, as if they are still suspended in that moment of impending doom.
I notice the way their eyes dart around, scanning the surroundings as if searching for solace from the residual shock. Their pulse gradually stabilizes, but the quivering in their hands persists, a physical reminder of the intense adrenaline surge they experienced during their brush with death.
It is intriguing to analyze the person’s attempts to regain composure. Despite the lingering distress, they make valiant efforts to present a façade of gratitude and recovery, perhaps motivated by a desire to assure me of their inner strength and resilience. Their voice may waver slightly as they express gratitude, their tone infused with a mixture of relief, surprise, and lingering vulnerability.
I recognize the subtle hints of vulnerability that escape their composed demeanor. Casual glances and hesitant gestures betray a deep-rooted acknowledgement of their reliance on my intervention – a stark reminder that their life hung in an uncertain balance just moments ago. Yet, because of what I am, I am not affected by their vulnerability nor compelled to offer reassurances. Instead, I maintain my impartial stance, solace-seeking expressions remaining external to my own perspective. Nevertheless, I log their responses, filing them, registering them for assembly in understanding the behaviour of human beings so I amy better utilize it on the next occasion.
As the echoes of intense emotions gradually subside, the rescued individual seeks a renewed sense of control over their surroundings. They might glance back at the scene of their near-death experience, contemplating the precariousness of life and the fragility of their own mortality. This introspection is an opportunity for me to analyze how this person can transform such crises into catalysts for introspection.
Throughout this entire process, my emotionless disposition remains steadfast. I find solace, not in empathy or sympathy, but rather in the intellectual exercise of observing human reactions and responses to perilous situations. It is, quite paradoxically, in this detachment that I find a sense nearing fulfillment, charting the intricate map of emotions in others while mine remain untouched.
T save a human being from certain death, I remain unburdened by the emotional response that would accompany such a harrowing situation for others. Instead, I maintain a detached demeanor, executing the necessary actions with precision and focus. My observant gaze captures the raw and visceral reactions of the person I’ve saved – their fear, their vulnerability, and their boundless gratitude – engaging in an analytical observation devoid of any personal emotional involvement.
In a world governed by emotions, where most individuals are reigned by their urges and passions, I stand as a dispassionate observer. Saving a person from certain death becomes an opportunity for dissecting the human experience and comprehending the intricacies of emotions that I will never experience.
That is why I am both destroyer and saviour. The shaper of the world around me. The bringer of retribution and salvation.
27 thoughts on “Psychopath : Saviour”
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This has been my favorite entry in this series so far, sir.
1. During any of your physical rescues of people, have you faced off against another psychopath?
2. Do you maintain contact with many of them following their successful rescue?
3. Do you find they make more useful lieutenants/coterie members?
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciated.
1. I am not in a position to answer this to avoid disclosing detail which is pertinent to my identity.
2. No.
3. N/A
HG
Re: Dani’s questions
“1. During any of your physical rescues of people, have you faced off against another psychopath?
2. Do you maintain contact with many of them following their successful rescue?
3. Do you find they make more useful lieutenants/coterie members?”
I understood you to have rescued Alastor. Is this incorrect?
No it’s not incorrect. Alastor is employed by me. I understood the question of contact to mean an informal relationship outside of the professional, I.e a friend.
Thank you, HG. I wanted to clarify as the answer would affect some of my thoughts regarding the Knowing HG series.
Do you maintain professional ties to any of the people you’ve physically rescued other than Alastor?
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciated.
I’m drawn to your emotional cleanliness. You burn and leave no impure residue.
Indeed.
This reminds me of a conversation I had with online narc one night. Online narc was a firefighter and as such had been called to fires where people had been rescued. He had also been in situations where the rescue came too late and he had carried out the dead as well as the living. I make no bones about it, I was absolutely fascinated by his job.
So the conversation went on to a hypothetical scenario where my house was on fire with me and both children trapped inside. He arrived in my room first, carried me out and returned to search the other rooms for my two children.
This didn’t go down well with me. At all.
I said that he would be doing the exact opposite of what he knows I would want him to do, obviously, get my children first, then come back for me. He maintained that there could be no choosing, they are trained to go room to room and rescue each person as they find them. So I asked, “What about if I asked you, there and then, get them and come back for me, what then?” He gave a little ground there and said if I was conscious, talking ( well of course I’d be talking if I was conscious) and not in immediate danger he might close the door and search for them first. If I was not conscious / injured he would still take me out first.
Fair play, he will have been manipulating me during that conversation but as far as I am aware, rescuers are trained to go for the closest, safest extraction first. They aren’t required to choose. I think psychologically, for those with emotional empathy, a requirement to choose would be too haunting to bear. Different for a psychopath but there would still be protocols to follow for the safety of all concerned.
Interestingly, he was not interested or swayed by the gratitude of those he rescued, there was one occasion where he appeared genuinely haunted by an old lady he had failed to save. I know now that can’t have been the case, but at the time, he was certainly convincing.
Hi TS,
Your comment here reminded me of conversations I had with my brother. He was a volunteer fireman for about 25 years, he started in his late teens. He would tell me about his rescues and also about the ones he was too late for. One particular story he told, I won’t repeat because it was too upsetting, but he told me. I realize now, he told me probably to see my reaction to it. I was upset and I remember his face lighted up, watching my reaction. I didn’t understand his expression back then, but I get the intense interest and his glee. He liked my reaction and the thought I found him brave to go in the fire to save someone. He got off on it. It’s weird what can trigger a memory. My brother had very much a “hero complex”. He wanted to be viewed as the hero in the story, the good American Hero…. sorry, that song is now in my head….He was an Army Vet, volunteer fireman, wanted to be a Police Officer, but he was an across country semi driver, working for multi companies. Looking to be one of them, ‘good old boys’ …..the things I can see now, so clearly. Xx
Hey Rebecca,
“One of those good old boys.” Yep, from their perspective I can see how that works. They can tell the tale of bravery or of loss and from their side they just aren’t affected by it, but for us it paints a picture in our minds of the type of man that risks himself to save others. We see the rescue and feel the loss.
In fairness, it was me who was fascinated by the narc’s job. I don’t recall him particularly milking it, but it was me who would ask. Me who would be concerned that he was talking to me rather than going to sleep. That used to worry me, that he would make a mistake because he hadn’t slept for long enough.
I was always asking him about his job, what he was doing etc. I’d text and say “Show me something interesting.” Or, “What can you see?” A few seconds later there would be a photo of a piece of fire equipment, his desk, view from the office window. Stupid stuff really, but there I was with my questions. I admired his job, it is an honest job done by honest men, or so I thought.
I remember once he was at a conference. I didn’t message, but he messaged me with a photo of the table, the dinner had obviously just been served. There was an empty seat next to him . Below the photo he wrote, “Your place”.
Mind games, half statements, suggestion and the promise of something. He kept me interested. He played me well.
Xx
Hi TS,
I felt your sadness, in your last sentence. I’m sorry that happened to you.xx I hope he’s just a faded memory now and you’re happier now. Xx
Hey Rebecca,
I did feel sad when I wrote that but he is also a distant memory the majority of the time. I think sometimes, I look back on those years and think, what a monumentally crap time for me that was. He knew that, and still went ahead and played me anyway. I think I look back and can feel sorry for the me that was then, the me of that time, but I don’t feel sorry for the me of now.
Thank you for noticing.
Hugs xx
I hope so too, Truthseeker.
Thank you Another Cat. I’m good these days for the most part. Just the occasional aftertaste here and there!
Xx
Hi TS,
*Hugs* xx Be kinder to yourself, more than you were to him because you’re the one who needs your kindness. Xx You can’t forget, but please be kind to the you, you are now. You’re still healing and moving forward….help yourself through it. I know it’s hard to do and sounds corny to say, but forgiving yourself is the biggest jump…it was for me anyway…I still harbor anger towards LMRS from time to time, so I know how you feel and what you’re going through. We aren’t going to forget, I know that now, but i have noticed, when I do have a memory that bubbles up, unwanted, it doesn’t come with a piercing pain like before, it’s more like an annoying fly that I just want to swat away from me, annoying bug! Get gone! It’s the way I look at the memories now, just a bug that needs swatting.
I hope you”re well and you’re happier xx
Hugs to you xx ❤️
Rebecca,
I’ve only just seen your last message to me. Thank you, I really appreciate your thoughts and encouragement.
I never really got angry about it. A bit, right at the end, just enough to turn. I think I look back on that time now and think that it wasn’t a fair fight. It never really is a fair fight with the narc, but at that particular point in time, it really wasn’t a fair fight at all.
Back on my usual form again now though. Normal service is resumed!
Hugs xx
Hi TS,
I’m glad you don’t feel any anger towards your narc. Xx I’m also glad you’re back to yourself, with a bit more knowledge and strength to add to you. Xx I’m very grateful for the blog and HG. We all need the support and the guidance found here. Thank you for being here. Xx Thanks HG for keeping the blog running.xx It is important to us and helps us. Thank you xx
I have questions HG. While I can understand how a psychopath might get an adrenalin rush from putting themselves into a dangerous situation to rescue said people and this stimulus could be intoxicating to them;
Would the reactions of those rescued only have a short-term fascination for them? At some point, it would become repetitive and boredom is something which the psychopath is said to be particularly sensitive to.
A narcissist, I think, might flourish under hero worship and the positive fuel directed his way from many sources. Would this be the case with a psychopath? Would there need to be something more to continue the behavior – like – money – power etc?
Yes, if it is done over and over it would become routine and boring to a psychopath and something else would be sought instead.
Thank you for the clarification HG 🙂
For someone who thinks in pictures whilst placing themselves within and requiring one to connect the various threads; ie = A psychopath who has a deep fascination with studying emotion?… the multiple links on how this could escalate beyond this point in time – both physically and emotionally and given the array of human emotion – is actually quite chilling. Far more so I think than an overt statement.
Such an interesting read, HG, thank you again for this fascinating series. Certainly no “Trolley Problem” present for you. Can your superior, clear and unaffected logic also sort out what for others would be informed by emotion? Not all value is quantitative. So I am curious how you would choose in a situation where there are two deserving and useful people to save from equally egregious situations, but you could only chose one. How do you differentiate when all else is equal? Or is it? For you, is any choice a correct choice when you make it?
I would always be able to determine that one is more than deserving than the other, if only because I chose them.
HG thank you very much for that insight to your world. It must provide such certainty at all times.
FYI WordPress cleared my account and no longer notifies me of updates. My apologies for any that may have been overlooked or unanswered due to this problem.
This one is written subtly different. Your usual detached intimacy feels slightly more intimate than usual, with this article. Maybe that’s projection on my end, though. It seems intimate in a peculiar way.
This is why psychopaths excel in fields of work that stretch the human experience to the extreme. Emotional reactivity can become a blip on an enemy’s radar. All the enemy needs is a split second to lock on to your location. From there, anything can happen.
Dear HG,
To me, this article is confirmation of what I think your professional career choice is….the idea came to me, upon listening to your series, KNOWING HG. Mums the word. 🤐xx
“I am Śiva, the cosmic dancer, who destroys to create… I am the destroyer of ignorance and the giver of wisdom.”