Knowing the Narcissist : Obsessed
I want you to be happy. I am so in love with you. You are everything that I have ever wanted, you are like a dream come true, my soul mate, my other half, you complete me. You have no idea just what you do to me. I just want to love you like nobody else ever has. Yes, I am obsessed with you. I want to merge with you and become one. I am not just obsessed with you but with everything about you and most of all your happiness.
I just want to ensure that someone as brilliant as you, someone as wonderful as you, someone as marvellous as you is made to feel special. You deserve that. I know. I know something, or rather somebody has hurt you before. I know you do not want to talk about it. That is absolutely fine.
You do not have to talk about it with me. You see, I can tell. I have a sixth sense if you will for knowing about these things. It is just the way I am and let me tell you that you should feel no shame for that. You should not be upset that you have been hurt because I am going to put an end to the hurt. I am always going to look after you, help you, hold you and comfort you.
No matter what the world throws at us, throws at you, I will be by your side. I want to keep all the malice and bad things in this world away from someone as special and as perfect as you. I regard that as my calling. I was sent to look after you. It is true. It was not just chance that brought you and me together, not at all. I was sent to make you happy. It has been decided that what happened in the past will stay in the past and instead I have come to bring you happiness, great glorious golden happiness. I will not rest in my desire to see you happy at all times.
When you are happy, I am happy. My happiness is conditional on yours, that is just the way I am. No matter what happens, I will not give up on you. I will ensure that everything is great again. I give you my word. I am totally committed to achieving your happiness. I will do anything in the world to see you smile, to see your eyes light up and to know that you feel wonderful. You are an amazing person and you, more than anyone else in the world, deserves happiness.
I know how to provide it you and if that means that you think that I am obsessed with achieving it then so be it, but it is a noble aim. It is a good and laudable endeavour to ensure your happiness. I will aim each and every day, without hesitation, without reluctance and without restraint to deliver this for you. I want to do this for you, I want to do this for us.
You are the most important person in the world to me. You have made me feel so special being with me and I always want that feeling to continue, now and forever. I want to give that to you in return for all the scintillating things you give to me. I am truly blessed to have coupled with you and no matter how difficult things might become, no matter how hard others may make it I will not shirk from achieving your complete and utter happiness. I was born to do this. I am utterly beholden to you and your happiness. This is my obsession. You are my obsession. I am obsessed with you.
A period of time passes.
You want me to be happy. You are so in love with me. I am everything that you have ever wanted, I am like a dream come true, your soul mate, your other half, I complete you. I have every idea just what I do to you. You just want to love me like nobody else ever has. Yes, you are obsessed with me. You want to merge with me and become one.
You are not just obsessed with me but with everything about me and most of all my happiness. You just want to ensure that someone as brilliant as me, someone as wonderful as me, someone as marvellous as me, is made to feel special. I deserve that. You know. You know something, or rather somebody has hurt me before. You know I do not want to talk about it.
That is absolutely fine. I will not have to talk about it with you. You can tell. You have a sixth sense if you will for knowing about these things. It is just the way you are and you tell me that I should feel no shame for that. I should not be upset that I have been hurt because you are going to put an end to the hurt. You will always look after me, help me, hold me and comfort me. No matter what the world throws at us, throws at me, you will be by my side.
You want to keep all the malice and bad things in this world away from someone as special and as perfect as me. You regard that as your calling. You were sent to look after me. It is true. It was not just chance that brought you and me together, not at all. You were sent to make me happy. It has been decided that what happened in the past will stay in the past and instead you have come to bring me happiness, great glorious golden happiness. You will not rest in your desire to see me happy at all times. When I am happy, you are happy.
Your happiness is conditional on mine, that is just the way you are. No matter what happens, you will not give up on me. You will ensure that everything is great again. You give me your word. You are totally committed to achieving my happiness. You will do anything in the world to see me smile, to see my eyes light up and to know that I feel wonderful. I am an amazing person and I, more than anyone else in the world, deserves happiness.
You know how to provide it me and if that means that I think that you are obsessed with achieving it then so be it, but it is a noble aim. It is a good and laudable endeavour to ensure my happiness. You will aim each and every day, without hesitation, without reluctance and without restraint to deliver this for me. You want to do this for me, you want to do this for us. I am the most important person in the world to you. I have made you feel so special being with you and you always want that feeling to continue, now and forever.
You want to give that to me in return for all the scintillating things I give to me. You are truly blessed to have coupled with me and no matter how difficult things might become, no matter how hard others may make it you will not shirk from achieving my complete and utter happiness. You were born to do this. You are utterly beholden to me and my happiness. This is your obsession. I am your obsession. You are obsessed with me.
Think I am the only one who engages in mirroring?
Think again.
6 thoughts on “Knowing the Narcissist : Obsessed”
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Hello Mr. HG, I hope you’ve been doing well.
I was wondering if you’ve ever taken an interest in attachment styles, particularly the dismissive-avoidant. The dynamic described is similar to that with a narcissist, except dismissive-avoidants don’t seem to crave attention as much as narcissists. In fact, they are mostly known for the very limited time they spend with their partners, especially once the connection is established, typically around the six-month to one-year mark. It often starts with a golden period of closeness, followed by a gradual pulling away that ends in either a formal breakup or a kind of situationship that becomes ultimately very painful for the partner. In the end, the partner often becomes obsessed with the dismissive-avoidant, unable to function properly, and feels as if they’re walking on eggshells because they know that any wrong move—which shifts according to the dismissive-avoidant’s mood—might make them shut down or run away.
My question is, do you think that this attachment style is something distinct, or just another form of narcissism?
I don’t discuss attachment styles as I regard them as superfluous to the points I make regarding narcissism and its dynamic.
Thank you for clarifying this HG. Maybe you have previously and I missed it. It is good to know that our attachment style is, while possibly something to look at outside of narcissism, superfluous to the the dynamic itself. Knowing that is a relief in a way.
Superfluous to the points you make regarding narcissism. Still helpful. Thank you.
Hi Liza.
You make some good points. I see attachment theory as running adjacent to the ideas HG covers. From the way HG describes narcissists, they ALL have avoidant/dismissive attachment style. However they will also pretend or act like they don’t which is why people become ensnared with them and are subsequently let down. Even if they act attached, it’s ultimately superficial and they can and may cast it off at any moment. Then their dismissive avoidant self will become more obvious.
Yes, those who become involved with them will hold on even when that d/a side becomes clearer. In fact, like in attachment theory, the d/a behaviour triggers the anxious response in their partners and this is tied into the dynamic HG refers to between narcissists and those who become addicted to them.
Hello Annaamel,
I’m sorry for my late response.
I agree with you in the sense that attachment theory can be superposed onto the concept of narcissism, but I diverge on the idea that all narcissists have a dismissive-avoidant attachment style.
Here’s how I see it: I agree with the spectrum of narcissism that HG uses (empath, normal, narcissistic, and narcissist), and I also think that any of these categories might have any attachment style, with the exception of the secure one, which I believe is more likely to occur in the “normal” category.
For instance, if we take narcissists, a victim narcissist is very likely to have an anxious-preoccupied attachment style, where they would be needy, clingy, and manipulative, while some upper mid-range narcissists could be more dismissive, etc.