Empathy and Irony
Many people state that my kind and me lack empathy. I don’t like that attitude. First of all it amounts to a criticism and I am not to be criticised. Secondly, empathy is regarded by some as the ability of blurring the line between self and other. The handy dose of empathy pictured above underlines this. In fact I am amongst the best at blurring the line between self and other. I am a champion at it. One of my killer lines of seduction is to declare
“I don’t where you end and where I begin we are merged into one.”
If that is not a blurring of the line between self and other I do not know what is. I repeatedly explain that I see people as extensions of myself, they are objects that become subsumed within what I am as I swallow up their identity and use their traits as my own. Blurring of lines? I would argue that that is an obliteration. By that definition I am absolutely oozing empathy aren’t I?
The third reason that I do not like the suggestion that I lack empathy is that empathy is the ability to understand the feelings of others. Again, I understand the feelings of others to a high degree. How can I manipulate those feelings if I do not understand them? Some of our kind instinctively behave in a manner which causes manipulation. They do not have much thought behind the process but they act in this fashion because it is all they know. It is all they have been conditioned and programmed to do. They do not need to consider what they are doing because it just happens and then the manipulation unfolds. Those of us at the greater end of the scale of narcissists do consider what to do in terms of our manipulation. We are always plotting and scheming as we reflect on the best way of manipulating you to do what we want and provide us with our precious fuel. I sit and consider the most effective ways of wielding my devilish toolkit in order to provoke and engender the most rewarding emotional reactions from you. I work through the schemes and machinations as I dream up new ways of provoking you. I analyse your life, what you do and what you say and then work out how I can then use that material to make you react.If I did not understand how certain things would make you feel, how can I know how best to manipulate you? I understand all about your feelings because I watch you and I observe and I remember. I have done this many times to your type and therefore I have built up an acquired knowledge of the ways that people such as you will react. I sit and consider what I can do to make you hurt, make you cry and make you frustrated. I know you so well I know exactly which buttons to press. I know which emotions to coax from you and because I understand this I know precisely what to do to achieve this. For some of you a cold front of silent treatment will make you pour forth that fuel as you frantically call and cry, worried as to why we have stopped speaking to you. With others a prolonged period of triangulation brings out the emotional response required because you always compete with someone or something that you perceive as a threat.
The fact you show your feelings so readily is joyously received by us. You provide us with a manual from which we can learn. We can mimic your emotions so our fakery continues to draw you in, make you feel sorry for us and have you focussed on us. Your exhibitionism in this regard allows us to understand which emotions run deepest in you and also the ways in which these emotions can be brought to the surface. We have to know how you feel so we can then influence how you will feel. I understand your emotions. That is demonstrating empathy is it not? Would you now say that we lack empathy?
You cannot say that we do not care about your feelings either. We care about them because we need those feelings because they provide us with fuel. We need to know that you will feel and show those feelings to us. We care very much about your feelings as without them we would be denied our fuel and that is fatal to us. We care about your manifestation of those feelings and that they are directed towards us. What we do not care about is their effect on you. That is of no interest to us because it serves no purpose to us. If you are left anxious, unable to eat or sleep then all we care about is that your anxiety is shown to us. The impact on your health and well being is of no concern to us because that does not provide us with fuel. It is not our role because of the way we are to make you feel better (unless of course that is required in order to obtain further fuel) but it is our role to make you feel so you give us fuel. We have no interest in the day-to-day or long-term effects of how you are feeling just so long as you can keep showing your emotions to us and giving us fuel. We have nothing to gain in alleviating your sadness. We have no interest in offering solutions to make your pain and misery go away. That is the brutal truth.
Don’t say however we do not understand how you feel. We most certainly do because we have to know this in order to exploit your feelings further. Indeed we often make you feel that way on purpose so we know exactly how you feel. We need to know the best way to pull on your strings and this means understanding how you will feel and react. So that is empathy for you indeed. Who would have thought it? Empathy from the devil. How ironic.
15 thoughts on “Empathy and Irony”
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Between your “What Haunts the Narcissist? The Creature” video and this post, you’ve had me sobbing and terrified of you within the same hour. You are definitely a master of manipulation.
Thank you, but you already knew that Susan.
True, but I guess I needed the stark reminder. Thank you.
Hmm, actually, it looks like you posted them only one day apart. Do YOU ever experience emotional whiplash? Well, I suppose (though I haven’t read the book yet), fury must feel like that? Which in turn would make the fury even worse?
PS: Yes, I did know that thanks to your candor and eloquence, but I’ve dealt with lots of narcissists, even a couple of aware ones, and never experienced that kind of emotional whiplash in the space of an hour before!
Is it really candor though? Based on the name of your website, is it really possible to know “the” narcissist? I imagine you composed the two on separate occasions, so are they both true for you?
I thought you didn’t believe in the devil? Also, why do you call the opposite of Narcissists “Empaths” if narcissists have empathy? How do you define narcissism then? Are the lines between cognitive empathy and emotional empathy irrelevant?
From a psychological perspective, what you’re describing isn’t empathy, it’s emotional manipulation. There’s a stark difference between blurring the line between self and other for the purpose of connection and understanding (true empathy), versus doing so to exploit, seduce, or control. Clinical narcissism and psychopathy often involve cognitive empathy—being able to understand what others feel—but lacking the affective, emotional, or compassionate component that would cause one to care.
True empathy involves vulnerability, attunement, and genuine regard for another’s well-being. What you’re calling empathy is actually mirroring, part of the narcissistic grooming cycle used to reflect someone’s identity back to them to build false trust and deepen emotional dependency. That’s not empathy. That’s predation.
In God’s truth, empathy is an extension of love. Scripture teaches, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15, NIV). That requires not only feeling with others, but choosing to walk with them in truth, not deception. 1 Corinthians 13:6 reminds us that “love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.” There is no love without truth. And there is no godly empathy without genuine concern for the other, without strings, without seduction, without agenda.
Empathy that’s weaponized for seduction or dominance is not a virtue, it’s a violation.
Beth and it extends further… love thy enemy. This is the tough one. Jesus set the bar high with that one. I sometimes force myself to pray for those who have wronged me or I dislike. It’s hard.
Oo, other Christians here. I feel the same, Contagion! I think it’s the hardest part of being a Christian. Maybe for empaths most of all. Do you ever feel like Jesus set us up to attract narcissists? Especially to take up our own cross to follow Him? and even when we’re being crucified, to keep on loving and forgiving?
Hi Susan,
We are told in the Bible that, we are called to forgive but we are also not told to continue a relationship unless the other person apologizes, which includes changing their behavior, thus making it right. Even then we are not called to continue the relationship if it’s a pattern that we see playing out. Seventy times seven is not infinity.
Thanks, A Victor. I’ve actually always had a weakness of apologies! Could you remind me which passages (chapters & verses for context) say that we shouldn’t continue a relationship without an apology and change of behavior?
I haven’t found yet and I’ve been told there isn’t any verse that DOESN’T say to honor your father and mother. It says for fathers not to abuse their children, but children are still supposed to honor their parents no matter what. How can we do that?
I “honor” my mother by living in the house with her, even though I practice ANC as much as possible. My siblings won’t interact with her at all, have not for many years. I also keep myself aware that if needed, I can leave, live elsewhere, if things became too heavy. She is aware of this also, so doesn’t push much.
In my belief system, our relationship with God is broken when we sin, until we confess and turn from our sin, it will not be reestablished. I believe this is a pattern for us to follow when dealing with other humans also. We are made in his image, so this makes sense to me. I believe NC and ANC are representative of this also, even though HG is not a believer, I think he got this, among many other other things, correct as it relates to my belief system. It has surprised me how they line up actually. Narcs will develop a pattern of apologizing with no follow through, or conversely some narcs, like my ex, never apologize. I should’ve learned from that experience. But he resolved it thankfully, by walking away. Anyway, we are told to have nothing to do with “them”, I fill in narcs here, in Titus 3:10-11, 2 Thess 3:6, Prob 22:24 etc. Some of these are regarding believers, others may not be, narcs are in religious settings quite often, there is often easy prey there.
Hello Susan:
Yes an absolute believer. I honestly don’t know what God wants in relation with Narcissists. Another question. Forgiveness yes but acceptance NO. Narcissists are created from a gene but also an unstable environment as a small child. And of course the cycle continues. I always feel sorry for the broken child. I understand. I pray BUT since I got knowledge I cannot allow harm to myself or secondary harm. Here is what I do believe, God can heal ANYONE so while it is generally an incurable condition narcissism, the only hope to me is God. So pray if you have one in your life but don’t harm yourself is my two cents. Also, I personally think suffering helps us grow if we let it. It allows to understand others encountering the same suffering. So we can support and help each other with greater compassion. This blog is one example! Finally, God works in mysterious ways, his Light. Think about how many people HG has helped:) God Bless!
Beth and Contagious,
What proof do you have that there is a God?
Can you provide concrete facts or scientific evidence that proves the existence of one or more Gods?
I’m asking these questions in the context of recent commentary here on the blog in relation to astrology.
In the commentary about astrology, it was made clear by HG and others that they thought astrology was nonsense because there was no factual proof or scientific evidence that planets in the solar system had direct influence on human behaviour on Earth.
In the same vein as the recent commentary about astrology, what is your scientific evidence or concrete proof of the existence of a God?
Outside this particular blog, HG usually differentiates between emotional empathy (which is true/natural empathy) and cognitive empathy (mirroring). Then again, I usually watch his YouTube channel rather than reading his blogs.