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THE NARCISSIST KNOWS YOUR WEAKNESSES

 

 

Do you remember those early, heady days when I first began to seduce you? Of course you do. Those moments have been branded into your memory and can never be erased, no matter how hard you try. So wonderful were those initial months of our courtship as we began our dance together that you cannot help but recall them and feel that bittersweet tinge. Many times as you have fought through your devaluation and discard you have harked back to those magical moments as you sought some kind of solace from them. Somehow, as you sat with tear-stained cheeks you would force a smile through the misery as you latched on to remembering the things that I said to you, those beautiful, loving and mesmerising words which gripped your heart and took it heavenward. It was impossible to resist the love-bombing which I unleashed upon you and similarly it is impossible for you to banish those memories as you sit amongst the debris of our relationship wondering what on earth has happened. You can easily be forgiven for seeking refuge from the misery amongst those golden thoughts. It is the obvious thing to do to try and take away the searing pain which now burns you. Naturally, this is all something which I planned and is a natural consequence of becoming entangled with me. Do not feel any shame in the fact that you keep running to those thoughts and taking hold of them as you seek to ease your agony. Keep doing it. All the others did and all the others will.

As you walk through those wonderful thoughts and memories, replaying our time together like an incessant loop of our “best of” moments do you recall what else you did during this seduction? Can you remember something else that was happening as we created these scintillating memories? Yes I know you can remember, how could you forget? It was one of the many things that I did for you which drew you closer to me and made you fall oh so deeply in love with the illusion. What was it that I did? I made you feel safe. I created that sanctuary and opened the door and ushered you in. I showed you how this gleaming and beautiful paradise was impregnable to the wretched and woeful world beyond. I assured you that being in here with me meant that you need never worry about those things again. I would keep the wailing tormentors from your door and ensure that those things did not trouble you any more. That was the sole condition for entry into this haven that I had constructed for you. Tell me about those things so I can shield you from them. You had never had someone make such a sacrifice for you before. The way we understood how badly those things affected you. We really seemed to grasp the impact that those things had had upon you as we listened with patience and comprehension. You were hesitant at first, the mere act of recollection being one that caused you consternation. You had no issue in confiding in us, no that was not the issue. We had banished any concerns you may have had about trusting us with these secrets within moments, such was our assured charm. No, what troubled you was bringing those dark memories, those fragile foibles to the surface once again. Yet as the words came from your mouth and the tears trickled down your cheeks you felt the cathartic effect of off-loading all of those things to us. From the minor concerns through to the deep-seated and life changing troubles you conveyed each and every one to us and it felt wonderful to do so. The burden came away from you and for the first time ever you felt freedom from those things as you passed the baton onto us and we readily took it from you. You exorcised those ghosts and stepped into our sanctuary elated and delighted to have been able to purge those things from yourself and embrace a new start with us. For too long those things had held you back. For too long you had walked a rocky road alone, stooped and bent double under the weight of your concerns. There had been others but you did not feel able to share the load as you did with me. I was different. There was something about me which made you feel like you could tell me anything and everything and I would deal with it. I would flex those angelic wings and extend them to surround and protect you. Unburdened by those things you walked taller, felt stronger and you had me to thank for this process. Your gratitude and admiration flowed incessantly and I was only too happy to wash myself in this fountain of praise although in keeping with the personae I had created I accepted your compliments with humble acknowledgement. You entered my sanctuary and told me all your weaknesses.

This was achieved in such a way that you felt no shame in telling me them. That was another difference. You knew I would not judge you for them. You knew I would not regard you as silly or stupid for having certain concerns.

“It is how you regard them that matters, not how everyone else views them.”

You remember that sentence and how you seized it with great gladness, thankful that at last somebody understood and recognised how to deal with your concerns. Your confidence in me was absolute and I even made it seem as if actually liked your weaknesses and that gave you great comfort.

All I was doing as you sat there on those many occasions where you shared your concerns, your vulnerabilities and weaknesses with me (for they did not all come out in one session, no, it took weeks of careful extraction on many different occasions to amass them all) was stockpiling my armoury. Your admission that you cannot swim and thus are terrified of deep water was moulded into a missile. Your explanation that you were bullied at school because you had short hair arising from having to have it shorn because your brother poured glue over your head one time became a hand grenade. The fact your suffer a noticeable red flush across your chest and neck when you feel agitated created a bullet. Your confession that you suffer excessive wind formed another bullet. The abuse you suffered at the hands of a family member when you were eight became a thermonuclear device ready to detonate at a later date. Each and every weakness, from your inability to resist eating a packet of biscuits in one sitting through to your fear of public speaking was noted, recorded and fashioned into a weapon. You thought you were safe in the sanctuary. That was just an illusion. You were actually sat in my armoury and I was there with you creating these weapons to use against you at a later date. Each weakness you admitted to me you thought you were handing to me for me to carry on your behalf. The reality was you were giving me the material from which I could create a weapon – be it a sharp stick with which to prod you or a nuclear missile to obliterate you. You thought it was some form of absolution but all you were doing was arming me.

I always want to know about your weaknesses. Your weaknesses become forged into my strengths in readiness for the war of devaluation that I shall wage against you. Keep talking, there is an arsenal to be created.

 

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A VERY ROYAL NARCISSIST - PT 3

Previous articles regarding Meghan Markle, The Duchess of Sussex is a Very Royal Narcissist. This has been ascertained as a consequence of the examine of a pattern of repeated behaviour, over a period of time. It is this aggregate of behaviours which enables the assessment to be reached, rather than relying on just one behaviour. A sole behaviour can certainly be indicative of narcissism, but is not determinative. It is the pattern which must be examined.

Once that has been established, the behaviour thereafter of the relevant individual can be examined through the lens of narcissism, allowing its interpretation and explanation. Meghan Markle´s behaviour and comments can thus be seen through the prism of her narcissism.

As always, for the hard of understanding, this is an article about narcissism and the behaviours of a narcissist. It is not about race, it is not about gender (narcissists come from all races and all genders) and it is not about “good” or “bad” but rather an article enabling people to understand narcissism and how it manifests.

Recently, an interview was screened between The Duke and Duchess of Sussex and a reporter Tom Bradby. It was recorded in September 2019 when Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, along with their five month old son, Archie, toured Africa. A variety of noteworthy points arose from the interview.

The Duchess of Sussex has spoken of the unbearable pressure of life in the spotlight as a member of the Royal Family, saying it is no longer enough for her to “just survive” it. Naturally, being a new member to the Royal Family necessitates scrutiny and being thrust into the spotlight. Furthermore, as an actress who appeared on a popular television show “Suits” and also someone who knew she was marrying into the Royal Family was fully aware of the level of the limelight she was becoming exposed to. She did so knowingly and more importantly willingly, she did so willingly because her narcissism embraced this as a method of asserting control of a huge scale and drawing fuel from an extensive and varied fuel matrix. Of course, Meghan Markle is not aware that this is the case, her narcissism operates in an unconscious fashion, but it is the driving force behind her behaviour and her actions and words as previously analysed demonstrate her narcissism and also how she is unaware of the various manipulative behaviours she engages in, because in order for her narcissism to function, it must blind her to what she is actually doing.

A classic example of that related to the banana incident as highlighted in the article A Very Royal Narcissist 2 . Briefly, Meghan Markle signed bananas for sex workers with supposedly empowering and supportive messages. She consciously believed this was a kind and thoughtful gesture. She was unaware that it was grandiose, lacking emotional empathy, transgressing boundaries and was done to garner control of the situation by ensuring all eyes were on her and that she would manage her facade to look kind and considerate. All of those things were being done by her narcissism in an unconscious way, but she cannot see how her behaviour appears, because her narcissism blinds her to it.

The Duchess´comment about the unbearable pressure of her life in the spotlight (ironically enough being conveyed ahem through the spotlight – but of course such irony is lost on her) is actually a Pity Play designed to elicit sympathy for her predicament. This sympathy is fuel and signals to her that she has control. It is also being used to blame shift by stating that anything she does is not because she is to blame (the narcissist must always reject accountability) but is the fault of someone or something else. In this instance it is the pressure that is the problem and those generating the problem, namely the media (more on that in due course). The Duchess is triangulating between herself, viewers and the media pressure in order to assert control.

The Duchess,  said it is essential for her to “thrive” and “feel happy”, warning that simply enduring with unwanted scrutiny is “not the point of life”. This is another Pity Play.

The Duchess’s words, in which she insists she has “really tried” to adopt the British stiff upper lip before concluding it is “internally really damaging”, will lend weight to fears that the Sussexes are seeking a path away from traditional royal family life. (Pity Play. Threatened Loss. This is foreshadowing the threat of not following a traditional family life, which is again being done to assert control. Threatened Loss similar to the use of Future Faking is using a future event to assert control in the here and now. By suggesting that there may be a change in the future by seeking a path away from traditional royal family life, this asserts control by garnering a reaction through fuel (an emotional response from the interviewer, the listener, viewers and readers) , it is also foreshadowing potential isolation by removing Prince Harry (who is the Duchess´Intimate Partner Primary Source (the most important provider of fuel, character traits and residual benefits which are the Prime Aims of the narcissist) from control from other people who would interfere with the Duchess´control of him) and also Blame Shifting. The Blame Shifting is occasioned by rejecting accountability for the withdrawal (which is all about isolating Prince Harry from perceived threats to her control) by pinning there blame on the media. This of course has some plausibility (hence why the narcissism does this – it would be pointless saying “We are going to seek a period of isolation because the moon of made of cheese” as that would not make any sense.) owing to the fact that the media are seen as intrusive. However, if a normal person was taking this step, it WOULD be for reasons of avoiding media intrusion. However, where this action is taken by a narcissist, one looks at it through the prism of narcissism and this is why there is actually a different set of reasons governing this behaviour.

 

The programme which was broadcast by the British Broadcaster ITV, attracted inevitable comparison to the Panorama interview undertaken by her late mother-in-law Diana, Princess of Wales. This is Mirroring and Character Trait Acquisition. The narcissist has no true self and therefore copies the actions and behaviours of others in order to “fit in” and also for the purposes of control. It also exhibits grandiosity since the unconscious behaviour of mirroring Diana, Princess of Wales is done to place The Duchess on a platform alongside Diana and her venerated memory.

In the interview, Meghan Markle disclosed that her British friends had warned her away from Prince Harry when they were dating, telling her that the tabloids would “ruin her life”, she said she was naive not to believe them. (Blame shifting – this is a double hit of blame shifting. The Duchess is blaming once again the media and also her naivety. You may think that is she says she is naive she is actually accepting a degree of blame. She is not. Narcissism compartmentalises and whilst her admission may appear to be some form of acceptance of blame, her narcissism is actually saying “The naivety is at fault, not me, the naivety may look like part of me but actually it is not, so I can blame it and thus I remain free of accountability which means I remain in control and of course narcissism is all about remaining in control.”)

Insisting she does not object to fair scrutiny, the Duchess claimed her treatment in the press had been a “different beast” and said: “I never thought this would be easy, but I thought it would be fair.” (More Pity Plays and Blame Shifting)

 

The Duke and Duchess will now take six weeks away from Royal life later this year to focus on their family, splitting it between the UK and US. (This is the assertion of control by in effect providing a form of Silent Treatment. This decision will be driven by the Duchess and not Prince Harry, who is now in the devaluation stage with his wife, but is unable to see this. He will, as a consequence of the obscuring effect of his emotional thinking which is increased by his repeated and near daily interaction with his wife the narcissist, fail to use logic. He will fail to see what she actually is and instead as a consequence of her own instinctive manipulative behaviour and his obscuring emotional thinking not recognise that he is being manipulated into being isolated from his family and friends but instead believe that is the right thing to do because the press scrutiny is unbeatable. Note this, Prince Harry has been subjected to media scrutiny his entire life. He was the focus of hundreds of millions of people when he stood behind his mother´s coffin in the funeral cortege. He embraced this scrutiny through his Las Vegas frolics, his time in the army, his various charitable activities. There is no doubting that elements of that scrutiny will have been unwelcome to him, but much of it he has embraced and not found problematic. As a member of the Royal Family he knows it goes with the territory, so why is he reacting to it now? Has it got worse? No. Could it get any worse than being thrust into the glare of the media as a young boy following the sudden and horrific nature of his mother´s death? No. The change has arisen because someone else wants to blame media scrutiny and use it for the purposes of controlling Prince Harry – his wife. This is what we narcissists do. We must control everything around us and especially the IPPS. This is done insidiously, with subtlety and plausible deniability – it has to be that way in order to be effective. Prince Harry is unable to see this because he is in the grip of his ensnarement. he genuinely believes there is a problem with the press and his wife will be reinforcing this message to him in order to control him. )

They have previously been reported to be considering spending more time out of Britain, with the Duke saying living in Africa would be “amazing” if it were not for logistics making it too difficult.

Both the Duke and Duchess have recently launched separate legal battles against the tabloid press, with the Duke issuing an extraordinary statement earlier this month outlining their distress. (Provocation in order to assert control to the challenge presented by criticism manifesting form the press.)

Prince Harry has now spoken of his own mental health setbacks, and said: “I will not be bullied into playing the game that killed my mum.” (Valiant sentiments indeed, although he is actually directing his determination to wards the wrong source, it is the person stood beside him which is “bullying him” albeit in a very subtle and controlling manner.)

Recently there was a poignant public engagement for the royal couple at the WellChild awards, in which the Duke was overcome with emotion as he spoke of how becoming a father had given him a new appreciation of the struggles faced by seriously ill children and their carers.

In a speech to families at the awards for inspiring children, he said: “Last year when my wife and I attended [these awards] we knew we were expecting our first child – no one else did at the time, but we did – and I remember squeezing Meghan’s hand so tight during the awards.

“Both of us thinking what it would be like to be parents one day and more so, what it would be like to do everything we could to protect and help our child should they be born with immediate challenges or become unwell over time.”

“And now, as parents, being here and speaking to all of you pulls at my heart strings in a way I could have never understood until I had a child of my own.”

After needing to break off to fight back tears, while ceremony hostess Gaby Roslin held his hand, he added: “It has been over a decade since I first came to these Awards and every year they never fail to surprise and inspire me. Yet this year, it resonates in a different way, because now I’m a father.” (These words and Prince Harry´s reaction underpins his status as an empathic individual. The emotion demonstrated by him however also shows something else. The Duke is feeling the strain of his devaluation at the hands of his wife and his emotional reactions both in the interview with Bradby and at the Wellchild Awards shows that he, like all victims of narcissists, is in a vulnerable emotional position. Whether anybody will realise why this is and who is behind it, rather than mistakenly pinning the blame elsewhere, remains to be seen.)

The tabloids will destroy your life

Asked about the “pressure” she is under and the “brave face” the couple put on, the Duchess hesitated on camera before admitting the situation was “hard”. (Pity Play)

“I don’t think anybody could understand that,” she said. “In all fairness, I had no idea.

“Which probably sounds difficult to understand here.

“When I first met my now husband, my friends were really happy because I was so happy.

 

“But my British friends said to me: I’m sure he’s great but you shouldn’t do it because the British tabloids will destroy your life.

“And I very naively – I’m American we don’t have that there – thought what are you talking about? That doesn’t make sense, I didn’t get it. So yeah, it’s been complicated.”

Appearing to hold back tears, she said: “Not many people have asked if I’m okay. But it’s a very real thing to be going through behind the scenes.” (Pity Play, Blame Shifting, Turning on the Waterworks) (It is important to remember the distinction between Prince Harry becoming tearful and Meghan Markle doing the same. He is an empath and therefore his response is seen through the prism of being an empath, his is as a consequence of emotional empathy for others and his vulnerability. It is not done to assert control. Meghan Markle´s response is occasioned by her narcissism and the need for control. There is no emotional empathy (because she is a narcissist) instead her response arises because her narcissism dictates that turning on the waterworks is the appropriate response to appear to care and to garner sympathy (sympathy being a form of Fuel) and thus assert control.

Surviving, not thriving

On whether she could cope with life in the spotlight as it stands, and “put up with this”, the Duchess explained she hoped for more out of life as a newlywed and new mother.

“I’ve said for a long time to H – that’s what I call him – it’s not enough to just survive something, right?” she told the interviewer.

 

“That’s not the point of life. You’ve got to thrive, you’ve got to feel happy.

“I’ve really tried to adopt this British sensibility of a stiff upper lip. I’ve tried, I’ve really tried. (Blame shifting, Revision of History and Lie. Her repeated rejection of royal protocol and conventions, the behaviours shown at engagements, shows there has not been any adoption of this at all. As has been evidenced by other lies which has been uncovered (see A Very Royal Narcissist ) her narcissism will Revise History in order to maintain control.

“But I think that what that does internally is probably really damaging.

“The biggest thing that I know is that I never thought this would be easy. But I thought it would be fair. And that’s the part that’s really hard to reconcile.” (Pity Play and Grandiosity)

Of the future, she said: “I don’t know. You do just take each day as it comes.”

A Different Beast  

Pressed on the privileges of Royal life, in which public money and platform require some degree of media scrutiny, she conceded she could accept it “when things are fair”. (Pity Play – what the narcissism is really saying “I can accept it so long as I feel that I am in control).

“If I do something wrong, I’m the first one to say ‘oh my gosh, I’m so sorry, I would never do that’,” she said. (Facade management, Grandiosity, False Contrition)

 

“When people are saying things that are just untrue – they’ve been told they’re untrue but they’re still allowed to say them…I don’t know anyone in the world that would feel like that’s okay.  (This is a reaction to the threat to control.)

“And that’s different than just scrutiny. That’s…what would you call that? It’s a different beast, its a really different beast.

“I think the grass is always greener. You have no idea. It’s really hard to understand what it’s like.

“I know what it seems like it should be … It’s a very different thing.”

The Duchess did not expand on which tabloid stories, which include reports on the couple’s private jet use and public spending on Frogmore Cottage, she was referring to.

Both Duke and Duchess are now suing newspapers through existing legal channels, and have sought redress on some stories through press regulator IPSO. (Legal action is a form of asserting control.)

“The rest of our lives”

The interview raised inevitable questions about the future of the Sussexes’ lives in Britain, with previous reports suggesting they had once been considering an extended stay in Africa or more time in the Duchess’s home of America. (Threatened Loss, Separation and Isolation. The latter manipulation is a common response of the narcissist. The narcissist perceives a threat to his or her control from other individuals exerting control over their prize asset, namely the IPPS. The narcissist seeks to maintain control over the IPPS by smearing those people, monopolising the time of the IPPS and keeping them away from the influence and interaction of other people. It does not matter if the other people are family or friends, this is done, always under the auspices of it being the right thing to do for the IPPS victim and/or because the other people are nasty, unfair etc, so that the IPPS is separated and isolated from the very people who may be able to assist the IPPS victim and thus in turn threaten the narcissists control of that IPPS. The narcissist will, instinctively use this manipulation in order to keep control and remove the IPPS victim from perceived threats.)

Prince Harry was asked about living in Africa as a consequence of speculation about living away from the UK. He stated “I don’t know where we could live in Africa at the moment,” he said in an interview during the tour.

“We have just come from Cape Town. That would be an amazing place to be able to base ourselves, of course it would, but with all the problems that are going on there, I just don’t see how we would be able to really make as much difference as we want to without the issues and the judgment of how we would be with those surroundings.

“I think it is a very hard place to live when you know what is going on and then you are again slightly disconnected from it. (This is the logical response to the prospect of living elsewhere and Prince Harry would clearly prefer to remain in the UK, but his statement is as a consequence of making remarks which would accord with what the Duchess wants, whilst enabling him to also maintain his own views. The royal couple may not move away and most likely will not, all that matters is that intermittent absence and the threat of a permanent move will be used for the purposes of reinforcing control in the here and now, that desire for immediate control NOW (not in the past and not in the future) being a central aim of the narcissist.

 

In the interview, The Duchess described the trip as “a lot with a five month old”.

Asked whether it was tiring, she said: “Well life is, but any mom can relate to that. But he’s doing really well, he’s sleeping really well.”

On Archie’s meeting with Archbishop Desmond Tutu during the tour, the only time he was photographed on an official engagement, she said: “It’s not lost on us what a huge and significant moment that is.

“Archie will look back at that in so many years and realise he was so fortunate to have this moment with one of the best and most impactful leaders of our time. It’s really special.” (This is Character Trait acquisition whereby the experience of the child is utilised and commandeered by the narcissist parent for the purposes of asserting control and gathering  fuel (see I’m The Real Genius – The Examination of a Parental Narcissist

Speaking of the significance of her family coming to the very area scarred by apartheid, and her choice to describe herself as a “woman of colour” during her first speech of the trip, the Duchess said she hoped her marriage to the Duke would not be seen through the prism of race. (No, we are seeing it through the prism of narcissism).

“I would hope that the world will get to the point where you just see us as a couple who are in love,” she said. (Facade Management)

“I don’t wake up everyday and see us as anything other than being who I’ve always been. I’m Meghan and I married this incredible man. This to me is just part of our love story.” (Flattery)

Of her speech, in which she told women in a township she was there as “their sister”, she said: “For me, when I chose to add those words into the speech, it was really the last minute.  (Grandiosity, People As Extension of The Narcissist – see Why The Narcissist Wants To Make You His Extension ) 

“I said to Harry, ‘what do you think if I add this in?’ I don’t know, it just feels right.

“And he very kindly and supportively said if that’s what feels right then that’s what you should say.

“Because it’s true: like, before I was part of this [Royal] family that’s how I identified. With people and connection.

“As a mother now, as a wife now, but just as a woman – as a woman of colour – which has been brought to the forefront in a more prominent way.”

Perhaps the most revealing aspect of the interview was the response to Prince Harry  to reports of a rift between him and his brother William, Duke of Cambridge, by saying they were on “different paths”. He said he and Prince William have “good days” and “bad days”. He added: “We are brothers. We will always be brothers.

 

“We are certainly on different paths at the moment but I will always be there for him as I know he will always be there for me.”

(The admission that he and his brother, someone he has been very close to all of his life, is telling. Some siblings are less close as they become older owing to the obligations of their own immediate families, work and forging their own way in the world. However, it is evident in this instance that the reference to them being on different paths demonstrates a clear gap, a revealing space between Prince Harry and Prince William. Why has this gap emerged between two hitherto very close brothers? It is because both William and Kate recognise that there is something wrong with regard to the behaviour of Meghan Markle and that she is exhibiting undue influence on Prince Harry. It is doubtful that William and Kate recognise that Harry is in the grip of a narcissist but what has happened is as a consequence of

a. The fact William and Kate are in effect imposing a form of no contact. They have found Meghan´s behaviour problematic (see the previous A Very Royal Narcissist articles) , and

b. Harry is being isolated from them, as Meghan´s narcissism will have identified Kate and William as a threat to her control over Harry. Therefore she will encourage him to spend less time with his brother and sister-in-law (a trio who were often photographed together and clearly close). Yes, Harry has less time to be part of the trio owing to having a wife and son, but this goes beyond simple congestion in his life through increased obligations and responsibilities. He is in the grip of a narcissist and it is clear that Kate and William recognise that something is wrong. They may well have expressed their concerns to Harry or sought to spend more time with him. Meghan´s narcissism will instinctively recognise the threat posed by the couple (our narcissism operates in this way to ensure that control is assert at all times) and therefore she will position Harry further away from Kate and William.

This ITV interview was lauded as both interesting and revealing with regard to the lives of the Sussexes and it certainly was, but not for reasons widely recognised. It was revealing as it continues to demonstrate the narcissistic behaviour of Meghan Markle and the fact that Harry, now in devaluation, remain very much in the grip of a Very Royal Narcissist.

 

 

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