Questioning Me
Do feel free to ask me anything you like. I am here for you to dip into my mind and for you to benefit from learning how I view the world. No question is off limits and if you want to establish a dialogue with me, then so much the better. You will be helping me so I can show the treatment team that I am interacting with people in this setting. You can ask me why I do certain things, what am I thinking, what my favourite food is, whatever you like. This is your chance to extract as much knowledge and information from me as you possibly can. If you want to just make a statement, go ahead. Fill your boots. I don’t know you so I won’t fly into a rage (this does happen when people I know question me but that is because they have an agenda – you don’t because we don’t know one another). I look forward to hearing from you.
13,015 thoughts on “Questioning Me”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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Mr. Tudor–
1. Do you find poetry to be a useful tool when controlling people (in forums other than YouTube)? (It’s always a treat to hear you recite well known verses. I’d love to hear you read something by Edgar Allen Poe or famous lines of a Shakespearean play or sonnet. I recall the few lines from Macbeth. I also think if there was a play or audiobook version of “The Scarlet Letter” you would be amazing portraying Roger Chillingworth.)
2. Have you read a wide variety in poetry?
3. Are the poems you select random (related to the topic, but they only sporadically come to mind as you’re making your videos) or do you more generally include a poem at the beginning of a video when that title is a poem that you’ve recently read?
4. Have you written poems for an IPPS?
5. If you could portray any Shakespearean character on stage, whom would you play?
Thank you so much for your time. My deepest appreciation for it.
1. For some appliances, but it is a niche manipulation.
2. I would not describe it as wide, but neither is it narrow.
3. I will use a poem where I deem it appropriate to do so.
4. Yes.
5. Iago.
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciation.
Dani,
Go to HG’s Treasure Trove, he reads poetry and some famous books in there. Xx
I’ve been. It’s so good!
Dani,
My favorite poem is in there! 😁xx
HG, this is my honest list, and I think you might agree.
1. I Feel You
What an absolute awe of refrains with the singing and backing vocals. Geez, and it gets better for every verse. I’m almost overwhelmed.
2. Never Let Me Down Again
Those first two seconds are the best intro I ever heard of a song. And that mighty piano sound. What a song, I just can’t get enough of it.
3. Personal Jesus
Fantastic, sounds like guitar tuning in the very beginning. The band not famous for guitar music hits this beautiful country blues guitar like no other artist! I usually listen to voices, instruments and sounds, don’t care much for lyrics, but this one captures the whole televangelist business right where it should.
Do you use AI to help with your blogs?
No.
All writing on the blog is created by me.
All comments are moderated by me.
All response in the comments come from me.
All posting of the articles is by me.
AI does not have any role in the above.
He speaks the truth about the said above
🙂
HG, sometimes I feel the world was created for narcissists and narcissists are rewarded for being who they are. Do you think this is accurate?
The world was not created for us, we have made the world ours.
Strangely motivational.
Bouncing off your answer here.. if narcissists have made the world theirs, do we as empaths have to become more narcissistic in order to thrive?
You need to be more logical.
Hi HG,
Which is your normal under attire?
1. Boxers
2. Briefs
3. None
Boxers.
Do you wear any panties? If so, are they
1. Bridget Jones style granny pants
2. A skimpy thong , or
3. Split crotch?
All and boxers too 🙌
Thanks for the comment. Seems like I offended some people. It was a bit of fun is all. 😊
Have a seat near me.
🙌The (Victoria’s Secret) Tudorite’s Secret – bench!🙌
What KTN has joined together, man should not separate!🥰
Sonya, Allison, your first assignment:
💋Red Flag💋 the new collection✧
Thank you for that response. Some comments from the women here make me feel like I stumbled onto a porn site. Imagine the reaction if a man went and posted statements like this about a woman (without provocation). In any case it proves that narcissists are not the only ones who can display objectifying behaviour.
We see London
We see France
We want to see HG
In his underpants!
There was a poster called K
Who wore a dress that was split on the sides
When the wind blowed in the day
All the boys could see her thighs
She also had another dress
Which had a split right down the front
She didn’t wear that one.
He will make you pay for that like you wouldn’t believe 😀
And in the end you will not be sure if it is really him!
HG: This is as close as I’ll get to receiving a love poem from you, and I will absolutely take it ❤️
Grace, Oh my goodness don’t even say that! HG’s seemingly omnipresence already creeps me out as it is 😂
“He will make you pay for that like you wouldn’t believe 😀
And in the end you will not be sure if it is really him!”
I find all these dynamics to be fascinating learning opportunities.
Come on Anna, this one is not porn, this is having fun 😀
Hey Anna: you make me laugh! Priceless! I will enjoy a good chuckle wherever I can get it! But my guess is HG goes without lol X
😂😂😂
Anna Plyance, you are so right- I find it vile too when women post on their social media sites about going to strip shows etc… wtf…
Like they are proud to show off their debauchery.
Moral decay
Feminism failed
It did not provide equal pay for traditional female roles and encoraged women to behave like the worst kind of men.
Oh no.
I respect what you said in your comment.
I assure you I do not go to strip joints, and I don’t judge those who do. I do not post inappropriate pictures of myself or anyone else on social media.
I disagree that feminism has completely failed.
Toxic feminism is growing and more women are blaming men for all of their unhappiness.
And HG’s response was the perfect smack down!
That, I think we agree on.
Sonya
It was not a comment about your post. I am very sorry if I offended you. It was just an observation I made about society as a whole and not directed towards anyone.
I agree with you about toxic stereotypes. Toxic feminity and masculinity. I like the term toxic stereotypes as it effects people equally.
Yes I agree with what you said about HG’s great response.
@anna
I think there’s also a difference between harmless flirtation and actually being predatory.
At an old job some of the guys I had to call fancied me and would regularly flirt and make cheeky and suggestive comments that made me laugh and I didn’t take it seriously although when the narc I was with at the time overheard he would become enraged!
“Do they know you have a boyfriend!?”
Kmt like bitch they don’t give a fuck about you!
And then I worked on a suicide prevention helpline and some men would call for a free wank and one even threatened to rape me. It was a very different experience
Witch,
that is very true. Then there are the situations where one side thinks it is harmless flirtation and the other sees it as creepy or predatory. I do not envy men in today’s workplace culture. What was a harmless comment a few years ago (or even now, if the woman likes it or agrees that it is harmless), can get you into hot water very quickly today, with a trip to HR, if you’re lucky, and serious consequences for your career in the worst case. Some of it is clearly justified, but my impression is that women get away with more flirtatious behaviour. If you look at sex predators, it seems to me that women are not held to the same standard as men. Take the case of a teacher having sex with a minor pupil. If the teacher is a man, we can expect a massive outcry. If it is a woman “seducing” a boy, at least the public’s reaction seems to be much more tame, starting with the word choice, and my perception is that they are also treated more leniently in the judicial system, though I might be wrong. A behaviour that is called rape, when a man does it, will easily be seen as some sort of badge of honour or rite of passage for a boy who is abused by a grown woman.
Thank you for your work on the suicide prevention helpline, that must have taken a lot of strength.
Hey Witch! Good point. For me, as a young female worker who has always had male bosses and in the field in construction where I have represented or contended with some of the biggest construction companies in the world… there are only 6 ( ok you can’t count China who can “ will” Chinese and forced into labor North Koreans into practice) who can take on 1 billion dollar projects like bridges LA and SF… all men. My clients are rich manly men and I would not have succeeded ever if I was easily offended. When a rookie at the DAs office this group of cops whistled at me, I was 22 and said “ do you need me to get your chief in here and teach you how to be a witness? Shut them up. I have had so many men call me honey, babe, darling in the professional context, I lost count. Many male clients have wanted to date me or bed me. I always say I am not giving up my license for you. To me, I don’t care as long as I can do my job. Get out of the way. And my clients like money or a job well done or money before sex or sexism. Now I had an awful boss when I was 40 who actually was such an out of date wanker that he had HR, a woman, tell me not to wear such high heels to dress more like a man. I was the only female attorney in the firm. . She spoke to his assistant too and said “ you aren’t so young anymore to dress like that” which was Newport Beach fashion not inappropriate. She cried. Anyway I wrote an email saying who do you think I am? Annie Hall? This isn’t the 70s. I was also threatening to sue and report him to the woman’s bar association and would say the name Gloria Allred in my office loud as if on the phone ( we shared an office wall) . To be honest, I would have welcomed being fired. Screw him ! He shut up. I made him money. That’s what really mattered ! And the women in the office subjected to his sexism for decades applauded me ( silent to Bill but when we were alone). No one had stood up to that man. I looked at him as part of my business , a pawn, a knight, a king… but a piece in the chess board of business. But don’t get in the way of me doing my job. I have never been raped. I have been touched in an attempt to date/ bed me. But while I don’t subscribe to “men will be men,” I also am not overly sensitive to it. And to those who are men or other: same applies. We don’t get respect in this world but we earn it. We make it. Nose to the grindstone. Do your job and don’t let anyone frustrate it, I say:)
@anna.P
What is the sex of the people that view it as a rite of passage though? And who laughs at it when it happens? I’m not talking about the exceptions, I’m talking about the majority.
Men and women are different. I used to think it was only due to socialisation but not any more – they are just different especially when it comes to sexuality; it’s never going to be 100% equal and certain behaviours are not going to translate the same way with the same impact.
I used to be an extremist feminist and didn’t want to accept that and thought males and females could just be raised the same and would be the same. There’s a reason men and women have been different throughout history and universally, not just in one culture. There’s a reason why when there was less female power and influence, it was normal for men to marry children. We are different! It is what it is
Witch,
men and women are different, no doubt, the biology of childbearing alone will always cause women to have a different outlook to men, but the differences in our brains are far smaller than we are often led to believe. Until males and females are truly raised the same, which has not happened yet in the “modern” age – with the possible exception of Scandinavia, we will never know how different we actually are. Currently we are sliding backwards in that regard, at least in my country.
@Anna.P
I agree that there are more similarities but the small differences especially when presented on the extreme ends of the scale demonstrate a stark contrast.
You can even see the difference with gay men and lesbians.
There’s no lesbian dogging sites, there’s no lesbian saunas or gym changing rooms that are known as the meet up spot for lesbians to engage in sexually activity with other women whom they do not know from Adam and don’t even know their name. But gay men have those things… it seems like when you take women out of the picture and leave men to be sexual with each other the bacchanal is tenfold.
It’s almost like the existence of women helps to rein men in. If women didn’t exist it would WILD!
Anna P,
I’ve come to believe that, like narcissists, other groups have somatic or cerebral leanings. I’d consider many of the readers here quite somatic in their preferences – not against or unmoved by cerebral elements but particularly vulnerable to somatic lures. That is just their leaning. Just like it’s some narcissists’ leaning while other narcissists lean cerebral and a further group have a foot in each camp and both elements are very active.
While I don’t know much about you, it seems to me you have a strong cerebral lean – you’re a thinker and an analyser – and I suspect that it’s the cerebral element on the blog and from HG which you connect to the most.
It could seem like the conversations (questions, responses, reactions) on somatic topics would seem trivial or inappropriate but as H.G has indicated he has a somatic lean as well as a cerebral one, I don’t think he would not find these discussions as onerous as a cerebral narcissist might. He participates or he doesn’t, but these kinds of conversations are regular occurrences on this blog. HG has suggested he leverages the somatic elements of his make up to engage others, and it would not be a stretch for him to do it, as it’s part of him. He gains as well.
There are differences between readers here. They might seem like silly Cyndis to you but they are just different to you, and like and respond to different things. A cerebral narcissist will disarm victims with ideas, theories, information, astuteness. It’s still ensnarement and is no more noble than ensnarement via somatic lures.
annaamel,
I think you have some good points there, including your observations about the somatic or cerebral leanings in some of us. Mostly it bugs me when we are applying a double standard in judging the conduct of different groups of people, say men and women, which is not to say that I do not do the same thing myself.
On a different topic, I liked your comment from August (https://narcsite.com/2015/09/29/questioning-me/comment-page-11/#comment-447939). I only found it recently and decided not to add my two cents there, but I had noticed some of the same things you did.
AP and Sonya,
“… (without provocation)…”
Hmm … I respectfully question that.
How many people working in their workplace do you see flagrantly flaunting their tanned legs in tangerine shorts in the direction of their readership in every interaction?
HG’s workplace dress code is designed to provoke if you ask me.
Also, the chocolatey, velvety voice with its masculine timbre suggestively insinuating into the readership’s ears?
Provocation, blame-shifting and deflection are the basic tools in a narcissist’s toolkit.
Sonya walked right into a trap and now feels like she overstepped a boundary.
Sonya,
Welcome to Narcville.
“HG’s workplace dress code is designed to provoke if you ask me.”
If you ask me; the theme of the icon photo is Lifeguard who pulls you out of the emotional sea.
Perfect packaging, perfect content. HG doesn’t even need a suit to deliver accuracy. The casual icon represents him (his somatic part) and is a delight to look at.
“Also, the chocolatey, velvety voice with its masculine timbre suggestively insinuating into the readership’s ears?”
HG’s voice is a weapon, he said it many times. If you want a “turn off” there are plenty of other voices, but too bad their information is not as accurate.
HG is set apart from what we all knew before, take it or leave it, i guess. Or learn to deal with it and appreciate the unusual opportunity.
“Provocation, blame-shifting and deflection are the basic tools in a narcissist’s toolkit. Sonya walked right into a trap and now feels like she overstepped a boundary. Sonya, Welcome to Narcville.”
This is misplaced.
HG is in control of his space and the Tudorites, the way he chooses to in accordance with his Prime Aims.
Throughout the blog’s existence people asked about HG’s underwear and HG even shared the brand once, so… Welcome to fair Narcona, where we lay our scene…🌹🩸
Well stated.
Relax Jordy.
My comment was meant to be tongue-in-cheek and whimsical.
I was addressing AP and Sonya. If you feel the need to defend HG, I think you have misinterpreted my comment and taken it out of context.
Hello WiserNow,
just to be on the safe side, what I meant by “without provocation” is without the respective woman having started it, i.e. if a man were to make suggestive or outright sexual comments out of the blue, if you will. Otherwise I should be the last person to take others to task for being provoking!
WN, not much context to be taken out of, is it. Sonya asked a question, HG responded, the girls had a debate about panties and the serious stuff and you creeped in with your accusations of „it’s all HG’s fault!“ deflecting it as tongue-in-cheek, as usual.
Hi WiserNow and Jordyquin,
I appreciate you welcoming me to Narcville and Narcona!
I’m sure I will spend a great deal of time flipping between those two places before I get my footing.
🌻
Thank you for explaining what you meant, AP. I understood your comment to be as you have explained.
Firstly, please know that I have not taken this conversation all that seriously, in general.
With regard to your comment in which you say “(without provocation)”, you reminded me of experiences I had at work when I was starting out. I was naive, easily flustered, and had no awareness about narcissism.
I worked in an office where people wore office or corporate attire. In keeping with the fashion, many of the women would wear skirts slightly above the knee with heels. It was in keeping with the standard workplace dress code.
There were numerous times while sitting in meetings or while working in groups, the men in the meeting or group would openly joke and comment in a flippant or provoking way. They’d say things like:
– “if women believe in feminism, why do they wear mini-skirts?”; or
– pointing at someone’s heels, they’d say, “how do you walk in those heels all day? Do your feet hurt?” etc, etc.
They said things like that to get a rise or to have a laugh amongst themselves as they put the woman in question on the spot or waited for her to reply.
The women were just wearing their clothes and working, not doing anything to ‘provoke’. They still faced such comments and either laughed and joked along; or responded flirtatiously or with a smart comment; or they tried to minimise and ignore it and press on with the work being done.
AP,
Your comment in which you said ‘(without provocation)’ reminded me of those experiences. There can be ‘provocation’ without there being actual or deliberate provocation and it can come from either men or women. It’s about how each party in the interaction responds or reacts.
Or then again,
“if women believe in feminism, why do they wear mini-skirts?”; – might be genuine puzzlement at an apparent contradiction , or
– ” pointing at someone’s heels, they’d say, “how do you walk in those heels all day? Do your feet hurt?” might be an expression of concern for the person wearing such shoes.
After all, its not just your perspective.
Jordy,
Your comment made me smile.
Did I creep in and say “it’s all HG’s fault”… ?
Not from my perspective.
Hi Sonya,
Thank you for your reply. You interpreted it in the way it was intended. I hope you arrive at your footing as quickly and smoothly as possible.
[On a side note:
Hallelujah! Oh my god! Thank you sweet Lord above, thank you sweet Jesus! Finally! 😇]
Sonya,
Please ignore this small side-note of gratitude to God. Let’s just say that it’s a long story and you had to be there… 🙂😉😘😘
WN, of course not from your perspective, that’s impossible.
Now do you mind saying „squirrel“ ?
There is a cover to be blown.
Sonya, Narcville is where WN resides. She welcomed you to her place, if you’re still missing it.
That’s true, HG, their comments could have been intended differently.
Although, if you were in the room and you knew them, I think it would be clear what they meant.
Jordy,
Ah, you haf vays of making me tok, eh?
Hokay den …….. skvirrelle.
The men’s curiosity about the feelings of female feet in high heels would be entirely understandable. Men are seldom stupid enough to slavishly follow fashion dictats that would severely restrict their freedom of movement in the way women do. Apart from the fact that many contemporary female fashion trends originate in the porn industry, with very few exceptions every trend in the last several hundred years has the effect of restricting a woman’s freedom of movement. High heels, tight skirts, long nails, crinolines, skinny jeans, the list goes on. That is not an accident.
Strange then how so few have revolved around keeping the mouth closed!
Now look at these holy tendrils of GOODNESS !on a side note! But SHE HAD TO mention🤡 to wrap those tendrils around you and then asked you to ignore it💩 She was so overwhelmed by your, Sonya’s, absolutely plain and neutral response that she couldn’t hold back from the Almighty. Can you see the exaggeration and the pretense, and the whipped holiness in all of it?! (The effect of fuel/challenge fuel, of getting attention)
” [On a side note: Hallelujah! Oh my god! Thank you sweet Lord above, thank you sweet Jesus! Finally! 😇] Sonya, Please ignore this small side-note of gratitude to God. Let’s just say that it’s a long story and you had to be there… 🙂😉😘😘”
Hi WN,
I don’t disagree that there is a sexual undercurrent on this blog. I also agree HG contributes to it in various ways.
However using words like ‘flagrantly flaunting’ and ‘insinuating’ to describe what’s happening makes your comment sound condemnatory. These terms are negatively connoted and automatically
imply criticism rather than mere observation. They are disparaging.
Their use means your comment did not come across as whimsical or tongue in cheek.
Hi everyone:
I once had a boss complain about my high heels. I told him it’s not the 70s and I am not Annie Hall among other things.
I also said I dress for success! Women who dress in high fashion are respected. Who wants a woman dressed dowdy and old fashioned if paying her a lot of money for a win. Believe or not, I once had a DA suggest I wear a short skirt to play head games with a serial rapist and murderer on a Death Penalty case. Needless to say my reply ended the conversation and the idea.
Also you can look but not touch. The days of saying “ she asked for it” are long gone. Save it for when you meet that man who finds you asked for it in prison. ( I hear Sublime rape date song playing) In America, no doubt.
And men’s attire is less trendy save for those old blue polyester suits lol or how about those porkchop sideburns from the 70s!
It’s like dieting. So many men like a woman who has a few extra pounds but we diet really for us. We dress for us. We should not wear miniskirts if our profession dictates a certain look that wants us to be professionals but nothing wrong with high heels and nice legs. In fact heels give you calves lol.
Moreover… dress to make yourself happy. Feeling confident. If you are making money, especially making them money, they won’t care.
I find the whole attire thing boring, it is business. It is professionalism. And respect should be mandated wherever you work and whoever you work with 😉
Oh, it is not strange at all that so few have revolved around keeping the mouth closed. The reason is it would be entirely futile. We have a saying that when certain people die you have to beat their mouth to death separately in order to make it stop running (although that is not reserved for women). In addition, keeping the mouth closed would hinder access to certain parts of the male anatomy and therefore defeat the object!
HG and everyone,
Where is your sense of humour?
I am sorry if my comments have caused anyone to feel disrespected or treated badly. I really am.
As I said more than once, I have not taken this thread seriously and I thought my messages reflected that.
After this comment, I will exit the thread as it appears there is no way to be involved without being misinterpreted.
Please do carry on, and again, apologies for any ill feelings.
We are so fortunate to be granted your permission to continue.
Jordy,
Are you intimating that WN is not an empath?
You’ve written of her having ‘tendrils,’ said ‘There is a cover to be blown,’ used the phrase ‘The effect of fuel/challenge fuel, of getting attention’ and stated ‘Narcville is where WN resides.’
I hope I’m wrong but I can’t help but see the building of that implication.
„Although, if you were in the room and you knew them, I think it would be clear what they meant.“
It’s absolutely the same thing as before. Now adding that if HG were in the room and knew them, his perspective would be as yours, because your perspective must remain the only one which is correct.
Also pay attention to the last wording.
„Sonya, Please ignore this small side-note of gratitude to God. Let’s just say that it’s a long story and you had to be there.“
„you had to be there“ ― because you’re a tool which happened to be there to serve the holy moly for the triangulation with the Almighty and ’a long story’ – where I bet she is the main good character. Mentioning it all to underline what a good person of faith she is and that there is never a bad thing crossing her mind when she provokes and does her passive aggressive moves, either on HG or on other readers, whilst simultaneously weaving a safenet with benign comments.
Hi Annamel,
Some different thoughts sprang to mind about “flagrantly flaunting.” If the legs were matchstick legs would the legs be viewed in the same way in terms of flaunting? I don’t think so.
So is it the case then that only those perceived as being attractive “flaunt”? If so, that hints at jealousy on the part of the onlooker and is not necessarily the fault of the aforementioned flaunter.
Also, it’s unlikely those legs are God given. It’s more likely that a lot of hard work went in to those legs. I’m thinking gym time, running, boxing, caber tossing. HG is part Somatic and his body is a tool to get to the Prime Aims, does that automatically negate the work that went in? If work goes in shouldn’t everyone be able to show off the result if they choose to?
Somatic narcissists work out for a reason, to look good. Non narcissists work out for a reason, to look good. Both involve the narcissistic trait of vanity but the non narcissist keeps that vanity within normal healthy parameters and also isn’t working out to control others (at least not specifically) or draw fuel. ( again not specifically) I suppose it boils down to motivation. The end result though looks the same, as does the work that goes in. So in general terms, I do question the motivation behind negative comments surrounding someone who looks good.
If someone works hard, narcissist or not, I don’t have a problem recognising the work that went in. For me the focus is the work and the deserved result of the work, not the category of person.
Sun’s out …!
Xx
That’s because of all the benefits men get when they’re open
I suspect most would suggest the scolding outweighs the sucking.
Annaamel, WN was not intending her comment as tongue in cheek or whimsical, let’s stick with the obvious, it’s her repeated tactic, to criticise/provoke and then sell it as funtime.
„I don’t disagree that there is a sexual undercurrent on this blog.“
Thankfully there is. Sex is discussed in many topics. Serious and playful. It comes with the territory of the Ultra – the number one in his field. Thus standing out on various different levels. HG’s space never was, never will be like the other blogs. Criticism/provocation of sorts of WN’s is misplaced and fruitless.
@AP,
I agree that it is not a coincidence as to how fashion has gone, I believe it has been much longer than the last hundred years also. Through the course of that time, there have been periods when men also have stupidly and slavishly adhered to less than healthy options in order to be at the cutting edge of style. Think “mad as a hatter” as one example.
I enjoy wearing the current “entrapments”, if you will, as a woman of this era. You are welcome to consider me stupid and slavish as a result but to say it as you have is recognized as quite passive aggressive. It actually made me wonder if you have something against women.
I will say that I have had discussions about speaking in a passive aggressive manner and have learned that it is not always a negative thing to do. We do well to consider if, when and how we do it, and if it is the main way we interact with others, sometimes there are underlying reasons which we may do well to address. HG helped me immensely in this, I recommend a consult with him if you determine for yourself that it would be beneficial to address the topic within yourself.
Some of the above is passive aggressive, I’m okay with that.
Dear WN and Jordy,
For some reason I cannot reply to any of the posts except this one.
I am not familiar with all of the dynamics in this blog and I did not realize there was a dispute, I kind of understand Narcville vs Narcona.
I see both happening in this blog. I appreciate people sticking up for me as well as HG.
I have opinions on feminism and other thing people have said so it might be best I can’t reply to them, lol
WN, your comments are not what you suggest them to be, for whatever reason.
HG has earned the gratitude, respect and admiration from his readers and clients over the years. This space here is not Narcville i.e. Dogville as you drove the comparison. Every protagonist in Dogville, except Kidman’s character, is a narcissist who abused her. At what parallel were you even driving at with your odd shrunken ball comparison? If you have the need to label this platform Dogville then I don’t understand why you’re still here? Your strange attempt (March 9, 2024 at 10:18) to drag this platform and its owner through the dirt (in fact in a Dogville style!) didn’t go unnoticed as you might have assumed it would.
WN, you think you can enter a room, shite in its center and hahahaha – relax y’all, ain’t I funny.
Sonya asked a question. HG responded. (HG is welcoming of any kind of questions and he decides how to deal with them as he has an overview and substantial experience.) The girls had a debate about panties and the serious stuff. You creeped in and accused and provoked. Nor was it humorous, nor was it accurate.
HG is the hand which feeds you knowledge, despite whatever it is which prevents you from acknowledging his advantage over you. You repeatedly try to bite him, but end up biting your own tail instead, twisting and turning on the same spot with the same tactics. There is no change in your behaviour and it’s an indicator of a narcissist.
If you’re not, congratulations on making yourself look like one.
I wonder what went on through your head when you typed your smear of HG (https://narcsite.com/2015/09/29/questioning-me/comment-page-16/#comment-454036) and made HG moderate this smear of himself. Do you think he did this because you’re wise, WiserNow?
And when met with opposition to your smear, you told me to back off and to relax because your smear campaign was meant to suck in Sonya and AnnaP.(https://narcsite.com/2015/09/29/questioning-me/comment-page-16/#comment-454152)
What an interesting empath you are, WN.
A Victor,
would you mind explaining to me how exactly what I wrote is passive-aggressive and by what authority it is recognised as such? I have no psychological training, and from what I read about passive-aggressiveness I have not been able to match the definitions I found (“Passive aggression is a style of communication in which you indirectly convey negative emotions like anger or frustration instead of addressing the situation openly and honestly”) to anything in my comment. Just because you do not like that I consider women stupid for voluntarily wearing clothing (outside of a mating situation where sexual attractiveness is prioritised) that is unfit for purpose or puts them at an even greater physical disadvantage than before? If you feel that I was talking about you, I would have thought calling someone stupid to their face would not be all that passive. Now first saying you are okay with being considered stupid and then giving supposedly well-meaning hints that someone should seek help for expressing an opinion that does not fit your own, on the other hand…..
AP,
You don’t think suggesting that you’ve stumbled onto a porn site is passive aggressive? Are you comparing the bloggers to porn stars? That’s the passive part. Suggesting we’re porn stars is the aggressive part.
You don’t think suggesting that we’ve taken on the fashion trends of the porn industry is passive aggressive? Again, are you suggesting we’re like porn stars?
You said, “Hello Sonya, Grace et al., it is perfectly fine to be offensive”. Since you said et al, you’re addressing me as well. Do you think I need you to tell me its ok to be offensive? You don’t think that’s passive aggressive? You’re trying to come off as understanding by telling me its perfectly fine to be offensive but it actually comes across like you’re giving me permission. I don’t need or want your permission and neither does anyone else.
I know you addressed AV but I couldn’t hold my tongue any longer.
WN,
I don’t want to live in Narcville anymore.
WiserNow: I do hope you stay on. I enjoy your posts! The problem with messaging and blog writing is you don’t see a face so comments come off one way or another. I often write late at night as it is my Orson Wells radio time where I sit at the fire and enjoy HD and you and others. I often think, oh I should not have written that… it’s personal or it’s provoking or it’s boring etc… I have had people point things out, disagree or corrected/educated. I don’t agree with each and every opinion. I have had disagreements. But all have been respectful. I am not as funny as many but I love to laugh! Anyway hugs and come on back! You can’t please everyone all of the time but you can please some some of the time. Your voice is a good one! Hugs!
Contagious, I highly recommend for you to watch the film Dogville and then explain how on earth could an empathic individual call this blog here Dogville (Narcville)?!! It cannot happen by mistake, okay. It was an aimed stab and the denial of it afterwards showcased a repeated behavior. Examine the evidence first!
You exhibit wearing not only rose colored glasses but also rose colored lenses behind them as well. And also not paying attention to what’s going on on a wider scale of the blog’s interaction over time. Your empathic need to gloss over problematic indicators and behaviors show the holes in your logic defenses.
„The problem with messaging and blog writing is you don’t see a face so comments come off one way or another.“ ― No it’s not, though maybe for some people it is the case. You, for instance, never come across as not empathic no matter how off the topic you sometimes comment.
AP,
“Men are seldom stupid enough to slavishly follow fashion dictats” is a passive aggressive remark in that it insinuates, by the word men, that often, seen in the use of seldom, women are stupid and slavish because they follow fashion dictates. Had you been straightforward it would’ve been sometime more like “…women are stupid and slavish in their following of fashion dictats”. It is somewhat understandable that you said it as you did, since your comment was regarding men’s curiosity. But it was still passive aggressive.
Regarding your comment, I first corrected that it’s not only women, and second stated that the passive aggressiveness in the comment is obvious.
That’s all, I did not take it personal except as I am a woman who chooses to follow the current fashion of the day. I am aware it wasn’t directed at any one woman, including me. It was directed at a whole group of women and by stating it the way you did, your apparent distain for those women was evident.
There is no authority needed to recognize a passive aggressive comment. But I did learn what they were, from HG, since I’ve been here.
My entire life people had used them, often directed at me when it was the narcs in my life. It would leave me feeling badly but I couldn’t figure out why. And I couldn’t respond well either. But, I did pick up the ability to do it and used that ability make many times when I was afraid to say something directly to someone, still, I didn’t know the name for what I was doing.
For me it was a matter of learning what it is, that to respond when others do it means to go to the logic, and overcoming my fear of doing so through practice.
When I also learned that I do it, I was thrown into a bit of a panic, it was a good opportunity to practice my going to the logic. I discovered I’d been doing it because it kept me safe. I’m not saying that about you or anyone else, it’s just what I learned about myself. And also that it is actually okay to be passive aggressive in certain situations, as such, I now get to choose when I do it. And I have become good at spotting it also. Normally I let it go, but your comment I opted not to.
A Victor,
thank you for letting me know your thoughts. I still do not agree that it was passive-aggressive, because my sentence ended by very clearly stating “in the way women do”.
Looking at men’s fashion, my impression is that they wore restricting or uncomfortable dress predominantly in those times when fashion was basically courtly fashion and it was a means to demonstrate that you belonged to a class of people who do not need to abase themselves to do any kind of physical labour and instead have scores of servants to cater to your every need. The working classes had to make do with wearing whatever they could afford.
Naturally you should wear whatever you want. But I think it would be a good idea to be aware that things like five-inch heels are not exactly made for women by women, or if they are created by a woman, I would wager that woman is not looking to make us more free, comfortable or elegant, because when fit young women need help to walk down a few steps from a stage like a frail old person, as we often see in the entertainment business, I see no elegance in that.
You did not address the part of your reply that seemed pretty passive-aggressive to me, but that’s okay.
Jordy,
It’s common in English and French to tack ‘ville’ onto the ends of words to create place names. There’s Louisville, Jacksonville, Nashville. Made up places also often get named something-ville. Like Farmville. Narcville just means a place with Narcs in it, perhaps with Narcs running it. The reference isn’t to the von Trier film.
As I’m commenting, I’ll say that while I was a bit annoyed by your comment to me in this thread, I was actually taken aback at your comment to Contagious which seemed very unnecessary.
The irony is that you’re doing some of the things in this conversation that you identified others doing to you last year in the Key to Entry thread. In that thread you were the target of subtle as well as less subtle accusations. Here you are the accuser. In that thread you identified several tactics that were being used against you. In this thread you are using those same tactics.
I hope you take a step back and reconsider further responses in this discussion. You’ve said a lot already, so I think you’ve made your point.
AP,
I addressed my passive aggressiveness with “Some of the above is passive aggressive, I’m okay with that.”
Thank you for reading my response. We can agree to disagree, that’s fine. I appreciate the practice, as I said, most of these things I allow to go on by. Yours was one that hit a place in me that made me want to address it.
Oh hey Annaamel, (re your comment March 22, 2024 at 08:57) Re ‚ville’: Yes, I’m familiar with that ending and no, it doesn’t change the intent of the word and in what combination it was used, either referencing Trier’s film or not. Black is not white, Annaamel. A crime – it is not. A challenge to prove the evidence – yes.
Re Triangulation with Contagious. Attempt noted.
Re Triangulation with The Key to Entry. Attempt noted. Though it’s a challenge to my mind to pick your statement apart and show you the difference, yet both cases are closed and the necessity to reopen them is zero. I stood by my derogatory word-choices back then and defended them and expanded on my word-choices as to why I saw my descriptions as apt. Here a person (not for the first time) deflected an original statement as something else, after. Therein lies the difference, and there are others besides.
Stepping back indeed proved very useful and “the enough rope” took care of the indicator palette.
As one leader of your country once said, Annaamel; „It is not the critic who counts…The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood…“ In that regard, the flapping gums will flap no matter what, whilst the actual man will be doing all the work, no matter what.
HG,
What are you wearing?
(I’m curious to see if you give the same response as I did when I got a creep on a sales call.)
I refuse to answer on the basis that you are drawing comparisons between me and a creep on a sales call.
HG,
Im not drawing comparisons between you and the creep.
Im asking what your response to that question would have been if you had been in my position, on a sales call, and a creep on the other end of the phone says,
“Tell me, what are you wearing?”
I know what I said, I’m curious to know what you would have said.
Hang on a second.
Did you just call me a creep?! Hahaha
Do you mean how would I respond to you asking “what are you wearing?” or how would I respond if I was on a sales call (Am I selling or being sold to?) and asked “What are you wearing?”
But wait, TS is comparing HERSELF to the creep, and you to the victim/target.
HG,
The second one, how would you respond on a sales call if asked “Tell me, what are you wearing?” It was said in a creepy, invasive, sexual kind of way.
You are selling, and you are one sale away from bonus.
My apologies if I was unclear in my first comment.
HG and TS,
TS, Did you mean, when a creep asked you over the phone, “What are you wearing?” You want to know, what HG would have said to him, if the creep asked HG, “What are you wearing?” Correct? Xx
Oh my! TS, terrible situation!
My reaction in your situation:
I would ask him to repeat the question – in an unpleasant, rough and dominant voice. The vast majority of men, after this sample of my tone, withdraw and either mumble something like an apology, lie that they had something else in mind, or simply return to the main topic – in a balanced and professional style.
If he were an exceptional imbecile, who couldn’t reason and continued, I would probably hang up the phone – without saying goodbye. Don’t waste your time on nonsense.
Brrrr, I hate it when someone, I’ve only been talking to for 5 minutes, asks inappropriate and crude questions just because I’m having a nice conversation with them. It’s as if smile in my voice authorized such a guy to jump many steps at once.
NO.
—–
TS, I am also curious about HG’s reaction to this type of question asked in a situation similar to yours 🙂
But in this theoretical, analogous situation, is the questioner a man or vice versa – a woman?
“on the basis of”…
Wait a minute, HG is taking the p on us. 🙂
Hi Rebecca,
Yes, that’s what I meant. Xx
Joa, the person on the phone was male. I was at uni at the time, working my summer job in telesales. Xx
Do you mean how would I respond to you asking “what are you wearing?” or how would I respond if I was on a sales call (Am I selling or being sold to?) and asked “What are you wearing?”
The second bit HG. How would you respond if you were on a sales call (you are selling) and you were asked “What are you wearing?
(I responded to you on Sunday but was away and I don’t think my comment got through.)
I would ascertain whether I regarded it worthwhile playing along in order to maintain a rapport to secure a sale or if I determined the conversation was going nowhere, I would either ignore the comment or provide a harsh response.
Thank you HG.
That makes sense, your thinking (not surprisingly) is purely logical and geared to prioritising what you want from the interaction.
TS, I guessed it was a man.
I wanted to elaborate on your question, addressed to HG. In this theoretical situation, the gender of the questioner could influence HG answer.
Anyway, HG has already replied.
—–
I wonder, what the hell we’re writing about here 🙂
Joa,
I honestly didn’t mean for that question to be an overly involved one. The fact that I was unclear complicated things.
I was prompted to remember that day by the underwear question and was curious to see how HG would have handled it, had he been in my position.
Xx
TS
Mel Gibson once asked a Wallace clan member what he wore under the kilt.
The reply: Your wife’s lipstick
See that’s exactly what I’m short of NA, some killer one liners!
TS,
I wondered also, if the guy on the phone, was referring to the State Farm commercial….where the woman customer thought her husband was cheating over the phone, takes the phone from her husband and asked the State Farm guy, “Jake, from State Farm, what are you wearing?” Xx It just popped into my mind….
Gosh Rebecca, that’s an old commercial! Now that you described it, I remember seeing it when I was over there. A good few years ago now !
Xx
This made me chuckle! “She sounds hideous.” LOL!
Hi Leigh,
😆 That was a funny commerical, the jealousy that wife showed…and her assuming he was cheating….I wonder if she’s trying to control him, or if he cheated before? After HG’s work, I wonder about characters in movies, tv and people around me. Could she be a controling narc, an abused empath who is now insecure? Xx
Hi Rebecca,
I pick apart the characters on TV and in the movies too.
In one of Mr. Tudor‘s interviews with Eric Hunley, he said that Sheldon Cooper wasn’t a narc. I had suspected he wasn’t a narc because it didn’t seem like he behaved that way in order to get fuel. I was so happy about that. He’s one of my favorite characters.
Hi Leigh,
I enjoy trying to figure out characters from movies, tv and books, it’s entertaining and fun for me. I like the challenge and I wish I could get HG’s feedback on so many characters, to see if I’m right, or need to stay after class. 😄xx
TS,
😄 That was an old commercial! The things I remember, like old phone numbers, long memory is a blessing and a curse! Xx 😄
Rebecca,
It could be worse. You might remember the number plates of all of the cars your mother ever had. 😉
Xx
Hi TS,
I would put the memory of car tags right up there with locker combo from high school. 😆 xx
About the locker combo, yeah actually, I would too! Haha!
Xx
I let my husband choose.
Guess he wears the panties in your house.
Oh dear.
Hmm 🤔
No, but he tries to wear his shoes in the house.
Dirty boy.
I believe whatever HG likes is the right answer. 🤭
Who the f@ck calls them panties?
I just did.
I am surprised you didn’t refer to them as “knickers”
Personally I can imagine HG going commando….
Little girls wear knickers.
@anna
“ Personally I can imagine HG going commando….”
What happened to Anna plyance being “so right!?” 🤣
Thank you HG. There is so much I can learn from you! 😀
I love your humor.
Pants or knickers HG . TOW would no doubt wear ‘panties’ occasionally, and refer to them as such.
Oh my.
Allison,
Your two word replies are cracking my up 😂
Oh no.
Oh my.
Oh dear.
Were you eating popcorn??
In Australia, the word often used is ‘undies’ which comes from underpants or underwear.
The word ‘undies’ applies to everyone, regardless of gender or age. That is, undies are worn by men, women, boys, girls, grandmothers, grandfathers, strippers, yacht girls, nuns and priests – literally all people who wear underpants of some kind. The word undies is very inclusive. It also refers to all kinds of underpants, be they the Bridget Jones kind or the more nefarious variety.
Knickers is also used and it applies to women only. The word knickers was once more of a slang word but is now used as a ‘normal’ kind of word. In the past, the words ‘briefs’ or ‘underwear’ would be considered more appropriate in polite conversation.
I remember shopping in the city many years ago when the large department stores employed women to stand inside and operate the elevators. These ‘lift ladies’ would say which departments were on each floor as the lift stopped on that particular floor. They would also assist with providing shoppers with directions. The description they used for knickers and bras was ‘Lingerie and Undergarments’. Those lift ladies had class.
It looks like she is wearing Harry’s briefs a lot of the time. Whatever her under attire is I’m sure they are expensive and don’t fit her.
They probably have Kermit the frog on them, or a tomato.
What do little boys wear H.G.?
Undies though what this has to do with narcissism is anybody’s guess.
I don’t know why, but I’m surprised by this answer, Mr. Tudor. I would’ve expected you’d wear boxer briefs.
Well, we shall colour you surprised henceforth.
I myself used to wear panties, but now prefer French or female boxers lol
We are all still waiting for the Tudorite T-shirt
Will HG be introducing a lingerie series?
A new line of apparel?
Hello Sonya, Grace et al.,
it is perfectly fine to be offensive, although it will take more to offend me. I am not a proponent of so-called safe spaces, commonly used to mean safe from any diverging opinion or challenging of arguments, in effect they serve no purpose other than excluding or discriminating against people with a different opinion and creating a bubble for groupthink, so offend away.
While these topics can undoubtedly be fun, when it is one-sided, they are not very funny for the object. Compare it to a workplace situation (and for HG this is partly a workplace environment) where on your first day a male colleague tells you “You have great tits, I’d do you.” Is it acceptable for him to say “It was just a bit of fun/It’s just banter”? This is the classic excuse for demeaning objectifying behaviour towards women, and if it does not fly for men, it should not fly for us. Porn is mostly fun for the viewers, not so much for the people in front of the camera, and it is one of the major societal drivers of objectification. Young people who watch a lot of porn have no idea how to have a healthy relationship, they take on the image of women that is shown to them in porn, namely that women are objects and it is right to treat them like things. Sound familiar?
I notice that Sonya found an answer that does not actually answer the question. I also wonder if it is okay for her husband to ask other women about their underwear.
If you find HG’s underwear interesting enough to ask him about it, ask away, he knows how to deal with anything that comes his way and does not need a guard dog, but it is apt to make it look like you care more about the packaging than the content. I do not like to be seen as a piece of meat, and I do not like for HG to be treated like one either.
And it is a bit ironic to me to read that some people are so keen on his sexual details, when he personally teaches us what sex actually means for a narcissist.
Then there is the possible effect on new readers. Imagine you have an abusive husband who controls what you are allowed to wear. Your desperate search finally leads you here, you have urgent questions, and one of the first things you see is a rather intrusive comment (lack of boundary recognition, anyone?) about underwear. Is it more or less likely to lead you to assume you have found a place where you will be taken seriously and receive professional help?
Anna,
I validate everything you said. It was lack of boundary recognition and lack of empathy. Regarding my husband I showed him my questions to HG and asked if it would upset him. He said it would not. If he directly asked a woman what type of underwear she was wearing in person or on the phone I wouldn’t like it at all. If he was intentionally flirting on line I wouldn’t like it.
‘I notice that Sonya found an answer that does not actually answer the question. I also wonder if it is okay for her husband to ask other women about their underwear.’
I re-read the posts you wrote and I’m really sorry but I can’t find the question you asked that I didn’t answer. I will answer it if you don’t mind writing it again ❤️
Sonya,
the question in question was the original one between you and HG about underwear. I thought your reply that your husband gets to choose it was a clever way of responding without explicitly telling us the type. If HG is interested in a detailed answer on that topic, he can jump in and ask you, I do not actually need to know!
All the best for you and your husband, you seem to have good taste.
AP,
Now I understand. Had HG answered my question and then asked me the questions he did I might have been completely speechless or chosen the Bridget Jones option to embarrass myself for asking him an embarrassing question in first place.
My first two husbands were Narcs. My now husband and I were married, got divorced and remarried after 4 years apart. I was his first wife and was very ill from my previous Narc husbands as well as the horrible abuse from my narc father, and the narcs I worked for and with.
I was subjected to many inappropriate sexual “jokes”and touched inappropriately at work. I finally filed a formal complaint against my boss and 4 other men and resigned.
My husband is an empath. I feel safe with him. Funny story, when he took our dog to the vet he met with a very chatty woman and he could tell she liked him. She left the vet office before him and when he returned to his car her name and phone number were on a piece of paper. When he got home he told me what happened and handed me the piece of paper. I experienced a deep jealousy and felt like it was his fault. I somehow switched my thinking and was happy someone had showed him attention because he struggles with low self-confidence. We aren’t perfect. We both have similar narcissistic traits so when we have an argument it can get nasty.
He has been through the wringer with me constantly reacting to triggers. I still get triggered, a tone of voice he may use. I sense his bad moods and I can get frightened and over react.
I found HG and this blog to better understand the mind of NPD and the long term suffering of victims.I want to learn how to get through my conversations with my 83 yr old narc father.
And I am so incredibly sorry if I triggered you and others with my questions.They were very inappropriate.
I hope you will forgive me so we can start over.
❤️❤️❤️
Sonya,
you have absolutely nothing to apologise for. You were just in the unlucky position of posing the one question that finally caused me to react to a long line of comments that give me a certain impression about the writers, their attitude and approach to relationships in general and the one with HG in particular. This certainly does not apply to you, but I picked your comment where it would have been better for me to choose a different one, so I should apologise to you. You have not triggered me at all, I do not think that there is anything that could do that, so please do not think that you should censor yourself in any way.
Now I am in no position to give you advice on your marriage, but I will tell you about an incident that has stayed with me: I once heard someone found it very helpful to make it a rule to do something completely incongruous when they would experience a recurring difficult situation. I think in this example it might have been a woman who was told to do jumping jacks and tell her husband in a loud voice “I love you” every time they were starting to fight over a certain trivial topic that would normally lead to a lengthy back-and-forth. This proved so ridiculous that not only would the fight be instantly forgotten, but their mood changed completely as well. It will not work with a narcissist, but you were smart and found a better husband.
@sonya
Socially men and women have very different experiences-not always but typically men are not fearful of women sexually- they are more fearful of a false allegation than an actual assault so it comes off differently when a man says something to a woman as opposed to a woman saying the same thing to a man and it also depends how long you have been interacting with that person-I believe I first messaged H.G in 2016
Now if I was speaking to a man for that long and he made a joke about what underwear I’m wearing I would probably laugh having interacted with him for sometime and grown to know him as harmless
Hi Witch,
I so agree with you on the social and now work environments between men and women. He is supportive of womans rights but also recognized men could be falsely accused. I very much believe me have not reported sexual misconduct in the work place, and I wish they would feel comfortable in doing so.
I don’t think my husband would ever ask about a woman about her under attire, but he might if she herself brought it up.
I asked HG the question, not to be flirtatious, but jokingly for some light banter.
He does say,
‘No question is off limits and if you want to establish a dialogue with me, then so much the better’
I knew it was a question no one had asked but didn’t stop to think of the impact it would have on others.
One of my worst character defects is not think before I speak and obviously not thinking when I type 😂
@sonya
My wife said something along the lines of: she kind of likes it when other people flirt with me and they fancy me because she knows I’m coming home with her. A tad bit of jealousy can help to keep things spicy 🙌
It reminds you of when you first met your partner and you were attracted to them because they didn’t belong to you, they were their own person and you desired what you didn’t yet have
Witch,
It is a compliment when someone else finds your spouse attractive.
I will admit that I can find it annoying after a while, especially if she is glancing at me while flirting with him. A big eye roll at her usually does the trick 😂
It sounds like you and your wife have a good relationship, I’m happy you found a nice woman, it’s hard to find someone who isn’t a Narc or an asshole!
Witch, beautiful, wonderful words about flirting and returning home together. I liked it very much! It is exactly as you write.
—–
Although in the context of this specific situation, I consider the question about the type of panties worn (panties mean any type of underwear worn on the pelvic area) as a form of rebellious joke rather than flirtation. In flirtation, to be effective, pleasant and intriguing, there must be something ambiguous, not entirely clear, thought-provoking, or something very original, or something relating to a detailed, personal trait of disposition/appearance, that has been noticed.
Oh, I love flirting on a veiled level! One where I can feel the strong waves hitting my boundary rocks and when I release my “insidious” waves 🙂
@joa
I agree! I saw it as tongue in cheek low brow humour used to get some attention from HG. I understand and don’t think it was deserving of any kind of moral outrage. I’m sure H.G feels ssssooo hard done by being surrounded by female empaths wanting him to reply to their comments… 😅
´Tis such a burden, but I bear it.
Ha ha ha, thank you HG 🙂
Although I suspect, that one day there will be a big inscription on the website:
YOU ARE ALL NARCISSISTS
And then the page will disappear. And there will be no trace of her left.
Anna, you make a firm point.
I would just like to say that I, for one, would never judge a man by his package.
K@,
well done! For me, the only one who gets judged by his package is the postman.
*Insert unimaginative, generic joke about how “the poor postman has no control over the package he gets, but he can decide to deliver it with the utmost care and precision” here*
Mr. Tudor–
1. When you do the variations of “Watch the Narcissist in Action” series, do you have to take notes as you are watching of what manipulations/narcissistic indicators are going on, or can you just remember it all? Are you able to do those off the top of your head, as you are able to do the “This One’s Wife” videos?
2. Do you generally watch them twice? (once to see if they are good examples, and the second to make the recording)
3. When doing the Tudor-Scope analyses, do you find it easier with the evidence to reach a conclusion about a lesser or midrange narcissist because they make more mistakes and they either don’t have a facade or they have a poorer one in general?
4. Do you find you get more fuel from lesser/midrange narcissists than you do from greaters (when you’ve had a chance to interact with them in person)?
5. Have you ever gotten a heated fury response from a greater in person?
Thank you so much for your time and all the wonderful videos that you make. Much appreciation.
1. I make notes or I use a transcript which has been provided to me.
2. Yes.
3. No.
4. Yes.
5. Yes.
Dani and HG,
HG, to your response to Dani’s number 5 question, What happened when the Greater showed fury to you?? Xx
Thanks for the great questions Dani xx
Thanks for your replies and time spent here, much appreciated! HG xx
I agree, Rebecca. I want to hear a story about “When a Greater met HG” and HG wins.
HG and Dani,
Thanks Dani! Xx
If I’m right in thinking this, HG is talking about his Uncle from the ‘FURY’ book??
Or, maybe I’m wrong? Xx
Hi Rebecca,
I haven’t been able to read “Fury” yet. But I suspect that HG knows/has met Boris Johnson as well. He’s made comments on his YouTube about things he knows about Boris…that would lead a person to that conclusion…however, he may have had a client tell him or simply be well connected enough to know someone else with that knowledge…though why the info he shared with YouTube would have needed to be passed on by someone else to HG or why HG would choose to share it…well, it’s HG, so I’m sure it needed to be said. So it might be the former prime minister too. I think he has probably met other greaters, too.
Do you love stories that star HG, too? I really want to hear more of those. There’s so much to be learned for hearing what’s happening inside his head during certain interactions and how he prepares for them. Or sometimes likes to test himself.
Rebecca, the uncle in “Fury” is a Lower Mid-Range. But I believe the other uncle (not in the book) is/was(?) a Greater? I don’t know.
Hi Dani,
Yes, 100% I love stories that include HG and how HG reacts to different situations and people! Xx Why I loved the ‘Knowing HG’ Series so much and the ‘When HW met HG’ series, both were captivating to me, I couldn’t get enough. I even asked HG, if he was going to do more of both. 😃xx
Hi Rebecca!
I hope that there will be more videos with stories about HG, too.
Thank you, sir! Much appreciation!
And it would be wonderful, if at some point, you could share a story about you getting a heated fury reaction from a greater.
1. Do you feel more powerful when you get a heated fury/a larger response from a greater than you would from a lesser? (A lesser being more prone to heated fury responses and having a lower threshold on the response.)
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciated.
Read Fuel.
Thank you!
Thank you HG, for continuing your series on TOW meeting you. Xx
Dani,
We wait for more stories of HG, with antiscipation in our eyes and warmth in our hearts….maybe some wiggling feet…😄xx
Jordyguin,
I thought Wonka was higher than a LMR, from the book, ‘FURY’ ? I know he doesn’t like anyone not liking his chocolates. 😄 It does make sense, Wonka showing his temper like being more of a LMR, than a Greater. Greaters do have more control, why it would give HG such a sense of power to make a Greater lose his sh** 😄xx
Hi HG
Have you ever acted in the theater, film or tv?
Ever trained as one?
Yes.
No.
Mr. fTudor–
Whom did you portray in film, TV, or theatre?
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciated.
I am not answering that.
Mr. Tudor–
Dani: Whom did you portray in film, TV, or theatre?
HG: I am not answering that.
My Empath Wiles availed me not!
Have you had instruction in how to disguise yourself?
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciation.
Yes.
Different languages! Congratulations, sir!
And so it begins…!!!🌎
That sweet, prehensile-tongued devil.
I had to google prehensile-tongue. It showed me a giraffe!!💘🌎🦒💘
Do you like the film Kind Hearts and Coronets?
who would Louis choose, Sibella or Edith?
I’ve not watched it although I know of it.
Mr. Tudor–
I saw this article today…https://neurosciencenews.com/female-psychopathy-psychology-25669/
Do you have any observations that you might, in time, share with us about the differences between male and female psychopaths?
Thank you so much for your time, sir. Much appreciated.
Dani,
I am very intrigued by this article and curious as to HG’s perspective.
Thank you for asking this question!
Dear Mr Tudor,
From your professional perspective, I just need to know, (under our ongoing circumstances), do you think we have we done the right thing by not accepting our son’s wedding invite?
Kind thanks
The circumstances of the wedding invitation do not immediately present themselves to me, perhaps you could offer some context for me or if it is a detailed matter, then it would be better addresses through consultation.
Dearest Bubbles,
I’ve been reading your comments about your son’s upcoming marriage and I don’t envy your position at all. I have an empath daughter who is dating a narc too.
The only thought that comes to mind is that we often don’t regret the things we did, we regret the things we didn’t do.
I’m sending hugs and I’m sorry you and Mr. Bubbles are going through such a tough time right now.
Dearest Leigh,
Thank you for your very caring comment lovely. I truly appreciate it.
It hasn’t been easy and this wedding invite has placed enormous pressure on our family.
Our son has chosen to wear blinkers and not acknowledge the devastation and disrespect the narc bestowed upon all of us collectively.
We have gone above and beyond (and some), bent over backwards, been used and abused, to help our son and narc in the past (and still helping btw) to have the narc then turn his putrid hate and disrespect toward us.
This narc is a 100% taker and is out for all he can get for nothing and has turned our son against his family.
As a mother, I’m devastated not to be going to one of my children’s weddings and it’s been really heartbreaking for me…..still is.
“The only thought that comes to mind is that we often don’t regret the things we did, we regret the things we didn’t do “.
I fully understand this Leigh and it has played a major wrestle in my mind. Our family has had many sit down talks about it.
We have all been horrendously ‘black listed’ to the narc’s dysfunctional family and their friends and the amount of private, personal, financial and confidential information that has been exchanged with them all is truly unbelievable. Of course it’s made them be out to be the poor down trodden victims and we are the nasty vile horrible uncaring family.
For us to attend, would be extremely embarrassing, knowing what they have all been told about us. We literally don’t know a soul who’s going. I believe the narc has done this to finally excommunicate our son from us, knowing we wouldn’t attend…. tactic game playing.
It would also place extreme duress on Mr Bubble’s health right now.
Thank you again for your kind caring Leigh 💕
Bubbles, maybe try video calling your son on the wedding day, before the ceremony? Be tender and moved – your son will appreciate it now or later, or never; it’s up to him how he rephrases it. In passing, you could say one polite and stoic sentence – addressed to his “other half”.
Otherwise, remorse and regret will consume you. I understand that perfectly.
You keep your distance, and you will ease the situation a bit. For yourself and for your son – for the future, if he wanted to turn back.
However, there is no need to worry about the stories and opinions of the other “family”. They’re strangers, let them say whatever they want.
Dear Joa,
I’m really not very savvy when it comes to my phone etc
Your video call is a great suggestion, however, knowing me, he will no doubt make me cry, so perhaps a text message instead…..the day before.
This is what narcs do, they destroy us to everyone and we empaths have to try harder and not let it get to us. It’s not easy. I thought I was done with narcs after my mother, it appears the powers that be had other plans for me.
Our son has since communicated (only thru sheer necessity) He’s as cold as ice.
I really appreciate your help and comforting words Joa, so thank you kindly.💕
Dearest Bubbles,
I’d like to clarify my original comment. When you asked Mr. Tudor if you had made the right decision, I thought you were reconsidering going to the wedding and that’s why I mentioned regret. I can see that you’re in an impossible situation and given the circumstances, I would do the same as you. I hope I didn’t offend you and if I did, I apologize.
Dearest Leigh,
Yes lovely, I had reconsidered and contemplated going by myself, which then put an enormous strain on the family. I really just wanted Mr Tudor to say ‘yay’ or ‘nay’ overall, seeing as his mandate is and has always been ‘no contact’.
Our son is already riddled with huge emotional and mental challenges and it would only add more confusion to his already confused state by us sending all the wrong signals. He would interpret it as a green light for the narc and then want to play happy families again. We have maintained a ‘no contact’ with the narc for over 5 years. Our son has been the one who’s literally tried to push him on us, without any success, obviously.
I saw a reel prank yesterday, whereby this mother and girlfriend conspired against the son over an inappropriate near nude instagram pic of the girlfriend, resulting in the girlfriend calling his mother a ‘bitch’ for interfering. The son was mortified and asked his girlfriend to apologise to which she said no and he said if she didn’t she was showing such disrespect to him and his family and that he would have to break up with her as his family comes first.
Pranks always backfire, I’m not a fan.
Our situation was on a much higher scale.
You certainly didn’t offend me Leigh, I appreciate any thoughts good, bad or indifferent. No apology is required, it was a lovely kind gesture from a lovely kind person ……so thank you ☺️
Dearest Bubbles,
It’s an impossible situation, for sure. Sending hugs.
Dear Leigh,
Thank you so much lovely ☺️💕
Hello HG, are there any posts about how the different schools of narcissists develop? Specifically, what causes a person to become a lesser vs. a midrange vs. a greater?
No.
Is a lot of it socioeconomic roots? I would think class or economic background would have an influence. What background their parents or parent’s parents were…money not being determinative as a rapper can from the hood but transcend to riches for example but education seems to be a factor…
How do I stop idealizing someone?
Talk to me.
Oh my God, these are the most beautiful words I have ever heard from a man to a woman!
Seriously, I felt chills and then emotion.
—–
Gp, you need to start separating the idealized person from the giant idealized person balloon, that you are blowing up yourself. It’s difficult and many times it blends, obscures and mixes, but the more you practice, the better it gets.
And yes, talk, talk, pour out all this excess…
I got it in the solar plexus from the direct simplicity as well. He’s ruined me for other narcissists.
May you benefit from your consultation, gp. I know you will.
Okay
“…it is often the case that people who were emotionally or sexually abused especially when young, and developed a trauma, keep finding themselves in abusive relationships later in life”
Thank you for your observation, Isabelle. I’ve found this very true in my case and it’s helped lift a lot of the shame.
Hi Allison and Isabelle,
I agree with both of you, I was abused emotionally, physically and sexually, when I was a kid and I’ve been married to two narcs, so I can see your observations are true and accurate, Isabelle. Xx
Hey Rebecca: you are my hero. To go through all of that and to be here rising above it and seeking a better life! Bravo! Keep going! Hugs!
Thanks Contagious! 😄xx I’m doing my best, not without trips and falls, and then I get up again…reminds me of that song, …”I get knocked down, but I get up again…” by Chumba Wumba…not sure of the spelling, but it’s a great uplifting song and has a great beat for making me happy and encouraged, much like your comment to me, Contagious, thank you! Xx 🥰
You’re officially awesome, Rebecca.
Good for you! Vince Lombardi “ It’s not if you are knocked down that matters, it’s whether you get up.”
Btw the dream you described as changing the outcome while in a dream is called lucid dreaming. Most people have them in a lifetime. But if regular then you are a lucid dreamer and if weekly in 1% of all dreamers. At least that’s what I read from scientific research. So much not known…
Contagious, All of you are my heroes!
Sorry to post this under your comment but I still can’t reply to 1/2 the comments on this blog!
There have been so many comments that have mentioned my name that I can’t respond to, I’m really frustrated. I have a WordPress account.
Now I can’t even get to the vent your spleen are.
My anger is pretty high, so bad in fact that H.G. might get a lot of fuel from it, lol.
Seriously though I’m about to lose my shit.
Contagion, could you copy and paste this somewhere, I don’t want you to have to be a lone in helping me.
I would greatly appreciate it!
Sonya: I don’t know how! Sorry!
Hi Contagious and Allison,
I thought lucid dreams were just dreams a petson had and could recall clearly and with much detail. I didn’t know me changing my dreams was lucid dreaming….learned something new. 😄 Thank you, Contagious! 🥰 xx
Allison,
Thank you, you’re awesome too! Xx 😄
Rebecca, I am so sorry to hear that you went through all that abuse as a child. And so glad that you have found your way to this blog. You are incredibly brave, you will pull through this! HG will definitely help you through it.
All the best to you Rebecca Xx
Dear Isabelle,
No worries, I believe more people have had it worse than me, on all accounts of abuse I went through, some have even been raped. I was molested and my brother attempted to rape me. I fought back and lucky for me, men have a very sensitive spot down there and it worked for me, in getting my brother off me. So, I don’t feel like I’ve had it that rough, compared to most. I appreciate what you’re saying and thank you for your understanding. Xx
I do feel very lucky of finding HG’s work, the blog, the narcsite, YT channel, all of you and HG. Xx All help me through this process of self discovery and understanding narcissium, what happened in my life, why all this happened, why it continues to happen…just all of it. I’m very grateful to be here. Thank you! Xx 🥰
Hi Rebecca,
I’m responding here because I’m busy at work today and I don’t have time to sift through the messages in WordPress. I had some things happen that all happened within a couple of days of each other so I felt a little overloaded. Ironically, none of them involved the narcissist. One was joyful and happy though. I celebrated a milestone birthday with my empath daughter. That was fun!
Leigh,
I’m happy to hear you had a good milestone celebration, Happy Birthday to your daughter! Xx
I’ve been getting out more with friends, instead of isolating myself so much… didn’t even realize I was isolating myself. Time to stop that, so making more plans with friends, without MLSN tagging along. Xx
MLSN even said, he noticed he wasn’t invited along yesterday, when I went out with a friend. He said, he noticed I’m being more independent and he sulked about it. Oh well, a lot more than that he’s going to have to get used to. Xx
Hi Rebecca,
I’ve been isolating too. I’m choosing very carefully who I give my time to.
I don’t have to worry about the narc tagging along. He barely leaves the house. He didn’t even join in the festivities for our daughter. Which is normal behavior for him so it didn’t shock us and nor did we care.
I’ve been trying to spend more time in nature. It soothes me.
I’m glad to hear you’re becoming more independent away from the narc. Yes, when the day comes, our narcs will be in for a surprise. I’d like to be a fjy on the wall when that happens.
Rebecca
You have lived though a great deal of heavy traumatic experiences. You are very strong. <3 <3
Thank you Another Cat xx
I’m still fighting my battles….I haven’t won, but I’m not giving up. Xx
I was dealing with an issue, my best friend had a crisis today and I was helping her. I couldn’t spend time responding today on the blog and couldn’t join the livechats today on YT.
I can’t say more, except I think she is starting to understand more now, the behaviors etc. I told her, someone who loves you, doesn’t dismiss you, doesn’t hurt you, doesn’t abuse you. They don’t turn cold.
She gets it, she gets it. Xx
Hello Allison,
Thank you for your reply, I am so glad that what I wrote helped lift the shame you felt.
Please do not feel ashamed. I understand that you were abused as a child, so you have absolutely no shame to feel – and even as an adult, if you are abused, there is no reason to feel shame. Feeling ashamed of being abused is another way of legitimising the abuse perpetrated by the abuser, even if he or she was not fully aware of what they were doing. It is letting yourself down, beating yourself up for something that is NOT your fault.
I can tell you it took me time to really believe this, it took hearing HG say so several times.
Really glad you have found your way here. And I like reading your posts, they make me think 😉
All the best to you Allison
Thank you, Isabelle.
On the topic of marriage proposals, “many women expect the man to do the asking” (https://narcsite.com/2015/09/29/questioning-me/comment-page-15/#comment-453184). It would be interesting to see if there is any difference in the durability of marriages depending on who has proposed. Does anyone know if there are studies on that aspect? I only know that in my country women file for divorce more often than men. Maybe you have a stronger incentive to stay in the marriage when you were the one to propose, in that you place more value on something you have had to work for?
@Anna
In my opinion men and women are just different on average. I have no idea why more men have issues with commitment and why they take so long to propose when it’s not culturally expected of them to get married. It’s like they need pressures in place. But they also say they want to be the ones to propose.. well? Hurry up then! Now I’m seeing more men propose after 15 years and 2-3 kids. At that point I probably wouldn’t even bother.
I really don’t understand men.
I would love to have a heterosexual male friend break things down for me. But men don’t want to be my friend, unless they are gay.
I had to ask my sisters boyfriend if men ask each other questions about the person they are dating like women do and he said “no, men don’t give a shit about each other.” I was flabbergasted. If I wasn’t bisexual I don’t know what I’d do
Hi Witch,
‘I really don’t understand men.
I would love to have a heterosexual male friend break things down for me. But men don’t want to be my friend, unless they are gay’
I have had a lot of heterosexual male friendships but they eventually cross the line into wanting an intimate relationship. It sucked because I ended up losing a friend I enjoyed.
I have always wanted a gay male friendship in order to eliminate that issue.
‘ I had to ask my sisters boyfriend if men ask each other questions about the person they are dating like women do and he said “no, men don’t give a shit about each other’
My husband has a number of close male friends, and they care a lot about each other.
If I heard a man say what your sister’s boyfriend said I would be flabbergasted as well!
I wonder if he was being sarcastic?? 😂
@sonya
I don’t think he meant it literally 😂 I think they show care differently, more in a practical sense.
Like if a friend went on a date we would ask all kinds of questions about what that person is like and what happened
A man: “that’s great dude” full stop!
And that’s why I think it would hard to be friends with straight men. They would fall in love 🤣🤣🤣🤣 and me too if they were good looking and an empath
Ha! “That’s great dude” is a perfect example! I know they do that 😂😂
I did end up falling in love with and marrying on of male friends who happens to be an empath!
Guess I contradicted myself with that statement!
I am sure you are very easy to fall in love with
@sonya
Congratulations on your empath union
I think you have some interesting points, Sonya.
Something I enjoy about socializing with straight men over straight women (nothing at all against straight women–just a communication preference of mine) is that there is almost zero chance of us processing our feelings. I do that on my own and with therapists. Sometimes it’s just nice to go out with a group of guys and know that they’re a bunch of swingin’ dicks who don’t have two fucks to give about anything but a good time. Or machining metal bolts. Or the pint in front of them. When I’m with straight men who accept me into the group (I’m a bit of a tomboy) it’s glorious action and little talk. I enjoy that reprieve from my emotionalism. But, you’re right. It can get complicated.
I tend to become sexually attracted to my friends–gay, bi, asexual, straight, men, women, whatever. If we’re friends, I’m willing to take a look at that CV. It’s a nagging issue. I hear you when you describe how you try to navigate the potential for entanglement by looking for a gay male to be friends with. I really try to keep my passionate nature locked down when with friends unless there’s a possibility of reciprocation, and that has been less of an issue with gay men. But, alas, it wasn’t a perfect solution–it seems sometimes that friction is friction.
The only answer as I can see it is for me to make friends with people who utterly repulse me, provide me with no intellectual stimulation at all, ignore personal hygiene, and are completely boring to spend time with.
Allison,
I spit water out of my mouth and choked on your last statement 😂😂
Honestly, I was speaking more about my past, now that I’m married I don’t feel a lot of need to be friends with men.
Hmm, that’s not completely true,I still would like a gay male friend. I’ve always been a bit of a tomboy too. I like talking about cars and football, horse, cattle…
I’m not great a friendships with women, in listening to H.G. I have realized most of my female friends have been narcissistic. All they do is talk about themselves and are downright boring when they do, lol
I like to talk to people about alternative universes, the moon, brain function and psychology and my tomboy topics!
Things that most women find odd.
I’ll just stick with my blog friends 🥰
@Allison
I agree, it’s good to have friends you can actually do stuff with rather than just talk all the time, although the drama of female conversations is the best. I saw a tiktok video of a man saying the same thing, he said male conversations are boring, and female conversations are more entertaining… he said he learnt when the wine comes out they are going to start talking about their ex’s 🤣
I hope you’ve recovered, Sonya. I wouldn’t want to be responsible for you choking. I myself avoid liquids until I’m done reading the blog for the day.
You mentioned “tomboy topics”. What sorts of those topics do you like? I like talking sports injuries, metal processing, a bit of MMA, bridges, and certain weapons. I also like to operate old machines, like metal lathes from the 1920s, but also new ones like CNC machines. I really want to get into blacksmithing.
I also love to watch structural demolitions. I really wanted to work on an implosion crew when I was a kid and bring buildings down, but those businesses tend to be all based on family connections here. I also love working out with free weights, and I really need to get my lazy ass back in there and pump some iron. I’d love to know if you like any of those things, related things, or whatever it is you enjoy of the tomboy type.
Hi Allison!
I love all of those things but I prefer boxing over MMA, lol
Unfortunately I have a chronic health condition with severe pain that prevents me from doing the things I love.
I was around farming and ranching all of my life so I love driving the big tractor and combines, bailing hay hay. I’m talking about using the old equipment. The new farm equipment is too easy to use. I love cattle drives.
Branding cattle, ear tagging and castrating the steers (making the best Rocky Mountain Oysters). Doctoring sick cows, helping a mamma cow who is struggling with birth-that is so cool!!
I’ve always wanted to design and blacksmith my own brand.
I have always wanted to try blacksmithing horse shoes, I can’t be a Ferrier because of my back.
I love talking about all of the things you mentioned, but I prefer boxing over the WME. I used to help pave driveways so I love cement. I like watching buildings blow up or implode. I love guns but am pretty fearful of them since I havent
used one in a while. I loved skeet shooting!
I don’t do free weights, my favorite types of exercise are horseback riding and swimming. I am unable to do anything but walk right now I am hoping to be on a horse if I can get my back and legs fixed.
Just writing this stuff is firing my endorphins!!
Witch: what’s scary is the younger generation is not getting married or having children at alarming rates. A couple years back this correspondent for Times magazine was promoting her book on millennials at my library and she said her generation was the first to be less wealthy than the last generation before and the cost of education, housing, inflation etc… was why such a drop in marriage and children in US. It wasn’t because of the divorce rate rising. I asked her a question …that in the 70s people shared a car, didn’t travel as much , belong to gyms, have their hair and nails done, indulge in plastic surgery or have luxuries the way the youth do today. Was social media and a different attitude to part of it? She felt that was a good question but felt economics was the reason. The times have changed and the world has become a two income society in many countries. The USA is the worst ever with time and money for pregnancy and daycare. I think that affects us too. Elon Musk says the decline of births in many countries is the biggest threat to the world. Whatever you think of Elon… he is highly intelligent. I think the reality of this world and the times effect both men and women equally. Their are countries and cultures that buck the changes but it’s there.
Hi Contagious,
I have read that in fact, the trend towards having fewer children is affecting all the countries in the world, and all the women that have some say over whether they want to have children, and how many of them. The way the world is going is indeed frightening. It seems senseless and insensitive to put children through what we have every reason to fear is going to be hellish in the short- to medium-term, with AI on the one hand and economic neo-liberalism showing the ugliest face of capitalism on the other. You’ve got to have some reasons to believe the future is going to be at least acceptable, in order to make the decision to bear children into the world.
As for “Elon Musk says the decline of births in many countries is the biggest threat to the world” – yeah, well, Elon himself and his hubris (as I see it), are part of the threats to the world; and what he most probably means is that the decline of births in many countries is the biggest threat to his *profits*.
‘what he most probably means is that the decline of births in many countries is the biggest threat to his *profits*. ‘
Agree, isabelle. He cares about dwindling populations because people are resources to build capital.
Isabelle:
Well put. My son once said to me “ our generation is f$&ked!” I don’t know if I am permitted to write the world. But they march on and my hope is everything you wrote about gets turned around. History demonstrates that Rome wasn’t built in a day but it fell in one. Marie Antoinette didn’t see it coming. She literally “ lost her head” over it. Death is certain and oppression whether it’s dictatorships, capitalist pigs ( meaning those who control the vast majority of wealth and land like feudal lords, hoard money and buy politicians like milk at the grocery store) etc… causes the pendulum of history to swing. I just hope with the environment, humans are around to change things. I tell my children “ you are the great hope”to this mess. And they are different… do you think those college kids who lived with student loans once a generational majority won’t vote to change it? It’s sickening. Dehabilitating to society…
Look at Elon. He sought to correct the problem of population decline personally and is now being sued by Grimes for LOTS of child support. Keep going Elon… the pendulum swings back hard. lol
As to AI, for now we create it and plug it in…people used to be afraid of typewriters, tv, etc… any technical innovation caused panic…- and innate imagination, community, faith, nature, and love… nothing artificial about love …are OURS not theirs.
“He sought to correct the problem of population decline personally”
You saved my weekend, Contagious, I can’t help laughing at your expression. Priceless.
“I have no idea why more men have issues with commitment…”
Maybe it’s from an evolutionary strategy? Casting seed far and wide and whatnot. Getting those genes out there into the pool in as many areas as possible. Increased chances of reproductive success. Sunrise, sunset…
@allison
As much as that gives me the ick… it makes a lot of sense
I suppose we all have those competing biological instincts… the instinct to throw it about for genetic diversity and the instinct to commit for support and security.
Maybe men struggle with those competing instincts more than women do because they are more conscious of it… whilst women tend to think it will never effect them until one day they are pregnant and they don’t know if their husband is the father or the milkman…
But where are all the men to discuss this? I need answers
“But where are all the men to discuss this? I need answers”
Haha, @Witch.
It would be interesting to study the relationship between human male and female promiscuity and the brain. Maybe there’s something there with the higher prevalence of NPD in males (and narcissistic traits generally) and novelty-seeking as an evolutionary strategy?
And I also thought the forbidden thought, @Witch, I am not proud of it, but choosing a narcissist as the father of one’s children, can genetically be a bit egotistic, although I know we primarily did this because of trauma/addiction, abuse in childhood.
Getting sons who inherit those genes from their dad, and who are cheating, not nice to women, sleeping around huge ampunts, will give us many grandchildren, statistically.
It’s not something I’m proud of, but with knowledge gained I take steps to teach my children to show empathy towards others and not be the biggest players of the neighbourhood …
@ Anothercat
I’m assuming very few narcissists remain child free so it makes sense (I mean very few people remain child few in general) but narcs use reproduction to “trap” people so the vast majority would have children and commonly with more than one person. Matrinarc has 3 baby daddies and was aiming for 4 but that failed. Patrinarc has 2 baby mums that we know of- so the genetic diversity was certainly diversifying!
I inherited the infidelity trait (I did the trait detector) but being an empath I handle it by having a fictional husband. The actor who plays him followed me back on instagram so in my delusional mind, he’s in love with me 🤣
@Witch I’m so bl curious now, who is your fictional husband? Of course I don’t wanna know, but still. Ok, so I don’t ask I just assume it’s the guy who plays Oppenheimer.
Allison,
Evolutionary strategy. You bet! It’s all about the size of the testes.
Male gorillas have much smaller testes (30g/gonad)…so not as much sperm is produced. Gorillas are mongamous. Male chimpanzees have larger gonads (120 g/gonad)…so more sperm produced. Chimps are promiscuous. Humans fall between those sizes (40g-50g/gonad), and humans do a bit of both.
A male who produces more when females mate with multiple partners has an increased likelihood of impregnating her. When a female mates with only one male, the need for more volume isn’t as high.
Why does Dani know this? *shrugs and skips off innocently*
Guess that’s why we engage in monkey business.
HG, you’re cleverer than a cartload of monkeys…but you won’t make a monkey out of me…because chimps and gorillas are apes…not monkeys.
Interestingly…other aspects of male reproductive anatomy also change in average size related to different mating strategies the relevant species uses…
Our primate ancestry certainly explains the shit throwing and public masturbation.
Does the everyday male narc stud fall on the larger end of those gonad measurements? Is that where we get all the sayings about big balls? Maybe there’s some kind of test empathic women could devise to avoid narcissists, something with calipers and a digital scale. I feel an Excel spreadsheet in my future.
Dani,
You are such a joy 🙂
Hahha please do share your spreadsheet. I’m intrigued in the biology of course.
Hi Alison:
I also think men feel the responsibility to provide and take care of another. My son has friends who are young fathers and boy do they struggle. I think if there are economic issues like having college debt, not being able to buy a house, feeling like I can barely provide for myself how can I provide for others… they don’t want to commit to a family. Then there are the players….players only love you when they are losing;)
My daughter and her cousin do not want to have children for the same reasons that my sister and I did not want to have children (though I failed at being childless, and consequently – my sister quadruple failed).
The reason, that guides probably all the women in my family is:
The world is evil. Bringing a child to life is selfish and cruel.
Just yesterday I heard from my daughter again: “I will never forgive you for giving birth to me.” Then I answer: “I know. I’m sorry.” We conduct these types of dialogues half jokingly, half seriously. We both laugh and we both know, what lies behind our laughter – pain, fear, uncertainty.
We often talk about it in our several-person, two-generation, family, women’s circle.
I still need to clarify my statement, because it was too flat.
I believe, that the world is full of good people and life can be beautiful. Of all the women in my family, I’m probably the most optimistic. Or maybe I’m just exaggerating and putting a lot of emphasis on microscopic events and actions. Very small gestures can restore my faith in people and cause an explosion – I can pour out a torrent of words filled with throat-choking emotion and strong euphoria towards a stranger on the street.
—–
By the phrase “the world is evil,” the women in my family mean two things:
1. We feel pain because of the cruelty, indifference and ignorance shown by some people. We are hurt by events in the world, events in the country, local events, events of friends and acquaintances, personal events. Thousands of events – happening now, now and now, every second. Black, dark gray and light gray shadows permeate everything. It’s hard to escape – you have to either lie to yourself or “forget”, so that your heart and brain don’t explode from pain. Try to ignore, as other people do so effortlessly – this option does not work automatically for us.
It’s like thousands of swirling thoughts, drilling deep inside. You will stop it or you will give up and allow yourself to be absorbed by the sweet amnesia of madness, focusing only on your inner world, to escape the pain that comes from the outside (known cases of mental “switching off from life” by some women in my family – e.g. after the death of a child in drastic war realities).
2. And this is more important. There are people, who live “mindlessly” (and are happier), day by day, with pleasures and fun. Sometimes they manage to live like this until old age, sometimes until they are 30, 40, 50 years old. Before they feel the cold breeze, the dark depths and the inevitability of death. Before they feel a frosty hug on their neck, that they will never forget.
This is not given to the women in my family (men hold on longer). I estimate, that our carefree life ends around the age of 6-7-8. The childhood of each of us passed at the moment, when the curtain of illusion about life fell. The moment you feel the abyss of death, from which you cannot escape, your childhood ends (even though you are still a child), you start observing and trying to understand the world. On the sense of life – does not make sense to wonder 🙂
So many things, that are important to most people, are completely unimportant to us. Yes, we are definitely weird 🙂
The world is bad, because someone stupidly, even cruelly, constructed it. Or maybe there needs to be friction to produce movement. Or maybe, as a mortal, I can’t see everything. Although, what I see is enough to make the joy of life available, to me, only in the form of a delicate and dissipating fog.
Hello HG! I was just browsing your instagram and I found articles about Bolsonaro, “A very fiery narcissist” and “Your Highness Qiao Biluo”…I had no idea they were there, as I hadn’t seen videos about them.
Are there any other hidden gem tudorscopes buried on narcsite.com?!
Yes.
H.G.: I raised this in your video but I want to ask you. Do some narcs self sabotage their lives to such a degree that you are “ forced.” To respond. I may seek a consult or will. My ex and I have been separated for 5 years. I don’t go fully no contact but I live very well not changing all my phone numbers and emails for especially professional circumstances. But he falls into dire straits. I won’t spend a lot of money or time but I have recently called social services to try to explain his background and to encourage protection and help. I have done this 3 times? In 10 years? But the doctors and psychiatrists listen as they are often clueless as he does not help himself by being honest. He does not appreciate my very few interventions as he sees it as betrayal. But he is homeless now and under mental watch. He called my son today screaming and my son said he was incoherent and could not understand an English accent but said he was angry and threatening and sounded like a typical psycho lunatic and if he broke in our home, he would shoot him. As I said no chance he can’t afford a bus ticket let alone a plane ticket. I have no idea why this highly educated, formerly well employed, driver internationally has sunk to such low depths. But it’s almost as low as you can get without killing yourself which he threatens to do. Years ago you said he was a middle lesser. But, while I continue my life, and refuse to do anything but call mental health, I wonder… is it a narc with no fuel? Decomposing in mortification? How can that be when in the care of the UK mental health system or… do some narcs through themselves down a well figuring someone will save them? It’s also possibly co- morbidity and I Al mot trained enough to know what that is. I have a friend from childhood who was a “ mess” her whole life. Got married lost her children as she was not fit. Her parents lived with her and cared for her .. her entire life. When young she had a coccaine problem. She never leaves the house. She sees a psychiatrist once a week for 20 years? I asked her once what her diagnosis was, she said generalized anxiety. She’s not a schizophrenic nor is my ex or what you think of as psychosis. So I don’t get it… do some narcs choose devastation as a means of abdicating responsibility for their lives even if it means poverty, institutionalism or homelessness? You said before there are fake crisis, and the real crisis is not doing what they should for themselves. Is this a conscious choice or should I seek a consult as complicated. His few friends ( 2) have called me today worried. One is an Anglican minister who thinks it’s demonic possession that needs to be broken on the mothers side. The other is just angry and confused. The few ties to the world are being smashed. It’s as if he can’t destroy himself enough outside death. I don’t get the greatest fall… now.
Nobody is forced to respond, you have a choice and the logical choice is to not be involved.
H.G. : I booked a consult;) I am not responding but I don’t get it. Bugs me. Do I am blessed to have the ability to consult.
HG
Maybe you already addressed suicide threats, but I’d like to ask if only narcissists make those threats, or if also ppl with cptsd do that?
Ppl like princess Diana, or Matthew Perry, and I also believe Elvis had cptsd. Is that personality also capable to threaten to take their own life, I mean as in trauma dumping, huge amounts, or is this really a narcissist thing?
PS. To clarify I don’t mean the quiet calm occassional rare sad statement of not wanting to live, I mean the frequent stating in a loud tone.
Suicide threats are made by both narcissists and non-narcissists, the driving behaviour behind doing so naturally varies.
Thank you!
Dear HG,
Could you do a video on suicide and the narcissist/empath? Thank you for your time and replies xx
Already done.
Sorry HG,
I meant the differences in their behaviors around suicide threats/ thoughts, what it looks like, so we can notice the difference…? Sorry I didn’t clarify my question more. Xx
Hi Rebecca,
I was often suicidal until my second ex left, from the time I was a young woman. I even tried a couple of times, when I was drinking a lot. I believe it was from the weight of being an ACON and not knowing what had happened in my life, why life was so hard. The messages in my head were ones of such low self worth, while at the same time I was quite strong minded about how I wanted to do certain things, like raise my children. And my ex’s both contributed to these messages.
I didn’t actually want to die, it was related to hormones also but instead of helping me, my second ex would sit and watch me in my misery, I’m sure he got fuel from it at this point, he knew that he was the cause of a lot of it. But once he was gone and my time spent with narcs was greatly reduced, I was able to start healing and have rarely felt this way since.
I think when narcs threaten or “attempt” it, it is a manipulation to control and acquire fuel. Possibly even get character traits and residual benefits. As you know, this is why they do everything they do.
I think one way to know the difference is to determine if you’re dealing with a narcissist or a non-narcissist. That would also speak to how a person would want to address it. For me at this point, if a narc, I’d probably call the cops and walk away, let the authorities deal with it. Pre-narc knowledge I would’ve likely bought it hook, line and sinker, and tried to “save” them. Thankfully none of my narcs ever threatened it.
You probably already know this but narcs don’t typically actually want to commit suicide.
Rebecca–
Narcissists can commit suicide. Brian Laundrie–HG analyzed this in an excellent series…which ended in murder/suicide.
A suicide threat should always be taken seriously, even if it is being said by someone who has repeatedly issued the threat absent taking action. You don’t know when words will become action. You don’t know if a narcissist will attempt to take someone out before them in the ultimate assertion of control. Calling the authorities is appropriate in any circumstance where someone is threatening suicide.
I had a friend (whom I strongly believe to be a mid-range narc) who would threaten suicide (I strongly believe for attention, given her behaviour). She repeatedly told me that if she “really wanted to commit suicide” that she had “read anatomical text books” and she “would be successful.” It doesn’t explain why every time she wanted to kill herself she would end up in the mental hospital, taken by her mother. My friend was never treated for life-threatening injuries or injuries when she felt suicidal. She never had medical procedures like having her stomach pumped when she felt suicidal (overdose, common way to attempt suicide for women). I would interpret the lack of any need for medical treatment beyond admittance/being committed to the mental health ward as meaning she wasn’t really serious about suicide. She wasn’t stupid. She had access to knives and pills. I don’t know that she wouldn’t have taken those next steps if her mother hadn’t taken her to the hospital. She might be dead if her mother had tried to ascertain whether she was “serious” about wanting to commit suicide.
Other thoughts she expressed to me about suicide: She condemned others close to her as “attention seekers” to me and would rant about their confessing suicidal feelings to her because she has “toxic empathy.”* They “don’t understand how hard it is for her.” One of her friends slashed their wrists. (That’s a very serious suicidal action.) She ranted about how “my friend would take herself away from me. It’s just so selfish. Why couldn’t they think of me instead of doing that?” I didn’t and don’t now know the person who slashed their wrists well enough to say for sure if they were a narcissist. On the whole, the very little I know of this person (military service in a warzone) would lead me to guess PTSD as equally probable.)
*”Toxic empathy” is her term for what HG calls the contagion empath. Important note: She would reverse the assertion of “toxic empathy” depending on the prevailing sentiment being expressed by the group she’s with. She repeated them (across far more fields than her level of emotional empathy). So…she lied either to me or to the group.
The list of her behaviours goes on (in terms of suicide threats and more). I was close friends with her for more than a decade. I experienced a great deal when I was more important to her, and I was only a close NISS.
I believe in what HG labels contagion empaths and contagion empathy (and not only because it seems illogical to me to argue about the classification system that HG derived and uses to help people). I believe that there are people, like EMC2gion, Sonya, and Contagious, who genuinely feel the emotions of those around them to a very high degree. I’ve heard others express to varying degrees what they interpret contagion empathy to be when they aren’t majority contagions, too.
I feel highly suspicious that my former friend is what HG would term a contagion empath. I doubt there is any emotional empathy in her at all. Suicide threats (absent suicidal actions) are one piece of all the behaviours she exhibited.
HG repeatedly says that a great deal of evidence is needed to determine if someone is a narcissist. I don’t think that suicide threats and/or attempts alone would provides anywhere near the level of evidence needed for HG to make that determination.
Trying to tell the difference in real time and from only one behaviour seems dangerous to me, for the person being subjected to those threats and the person who may make good on them.
Hi AV,
Thank you for sharing your troubled thoughts of suicide xx I’m glad you didn’t go through with it and you worked through that emotional tough time for you. Xx You’re definitely a worth while person and I’m glad I’ve gotten to know you, though it’s limited on the blog, I enjoy your correspondence with me. I can tell you’re a kind person and I’m so grateful you’re free from your ex. Xx
Thank you for letting me know I’m not the only one who feels these dark thoughts. I’m not proud of that, but I do have them living with MLSN. I told him once, just how hopeless I feel sometimes and he threatened to have me committed, that was before I knew him to be a narc. I don’t tell him of the dark thoughts I have, afraid he’d use them against me. So, I zip it and keep it to myself. I briefly mentioned it to HG, but I mainly keep it to myself now.
When I start to think that way, I leave and go for laps around the neighborhood, clears my mind, or I go to the riverbank and walk around it, enjoy nature, get away for a while. I’m looking forward to being free, it’s what holds me up, the hope my plan won’t fail this time. Xx
AV,
The new thing that MLSN said to me is, that he wants to take anti depression and anti anxiety pills for his mood swings, his words…he thinks he’s depressed and anxious now. He said, if he can control how he feels, he can do better to make me happy. I don’t believe him. I think he’s mirroring my depression and trying to get pity from me. I don’t think he’s sad, I don’t feel sadness from him and usually I can pick up emotions from people. I feel no depression from him, just anger at times, disgust and annoyance…that’s what he directs at me, nothing else. He rarely laughs and most of the time he watches tv and ignores me. I go in my room and read, mostly when I’m home and he’s here. I just read, if I’m not out, or cleaning. Why it’s not that bad, but that’s just my ET conning me to stay longer…I see that now. It’s bearable, my ET tells me. He’s not hitting you, what are you complaining about, you have a roof over your head, clothes on your back and food to eat, why you complaining? Others have it much worse….then I feel bad, like I’m spoiled and should be more grateful…makes me think, am I the bad one afterall? Leaves me doubting myself again, because most of the time, he’s not even bothering me much, so I’m blaming me. Xx
Thanks Dani,
I did the NDC on both my husband, best friend and ex husband. Both men came back narcs, both threatened suicide, both are still alive, most of the time narcs use suicide threats for pity plays, but you’re right they can go through with it, like normals and empaths. HG assured me, MLSN is using it as a pity play. My best friend admitted to me that she felt suicidal when her husband died, she told me she no longer feels that way, but it still concerned me, so I’m keeping my guard up for warning signs from her. She’s seeing a counselor, I tried to get her in for a consultation with HG, but so far, she’s backed out of it. I still worry about her because she’s having issues with her narc boyfriend. I’m trying to save her from what she went through before, but she seems to want to keep walking forward with it….sorta like me, stubborn as hell. She came back normal from the NDC. I think she keeps seeing him because of the sex, she’s using him as much as he’s using her, at least that’s what it looks like to me. She said, “I’m happy with seeing him on the weekends, getting some sex and doing my own thing during the week. I like being independent and doing me time. ”
What she said. Xx
Oh wow Rebecca, I’m so sorry, I had not realized that you were struggling with these thoughts. Everything you said to me, “You’re definitely a worth while person and I’m glad I’ve gotten to know you, though it’s limited on the blog, I enjoy your correspondence with me.
I can tell you’re a kind person” is how I feel about you also. I know that when I was in that place, words like these would not have made a difference, had someone said them to me. But they are true, for both of us.
I was similar to you in that I told no one except my then husband. My children still don’t know of this struggle I had. I did tell him though because, as Isabelle wrote elsewhere this morning, I thought he could help when in fact, he was a lot of the problem. Instead of taking it seriously, as we should when anyone states they are struggling with these thoughts, he just watched. I could never figure it out.
I hope that you have talked to someone who can help you, it was terrifying for me to do so, thinking that I would just be locked up. Finally, when I went into an almost catatonic state, non-functional to take care of things my ex needed me to do, he did take me to a doctor. I was put on an anti depressant. I was surprised how much it helped, the doctor did not lock me up, I didn’t tell her I was suicidal, I didn’t talk to her at all, that day. I was on the meds for 9 months, so it wasn’t even an on-going thing for me, some take it longer, whatever is needed. I’m saying all this to encourage you to reach out to a professional if you haven’t already. You are worth while Rebecca, you deserve not to have these thoughts. 💕
Also Rebecca, I so remember the “he’s not hitting me so it’s not that bad” thinking. Sometimes the emotional pain can be just as difficult though, and we do deserve to be treated well, with no pain in any area, physical, emotional or mental. You deserve this. I’m so glad you have a plan for escape coming along.
Rebecca
What you describe in your comment Feb 22 @ 20:05 is merely existence. You are being conned into thinking that because others have it worse off than you, that you must be satisfied with only being of service to others.
ET does not want us thinking about those that have it better, or to hear Logic when it says that we deserve better also, so it instills fear. ET distracts us by having us focus on others and trying to figure them out when there is no need to do so, other than it keeps us from focusing on ourselves and what WE want. It keeps directing us back to fear. A fear we create ourselves.
Fuck ET. Why would we listen to a clown that wants nothing more for us than to be a penis cozy and sandwich maker?
Logic says we get one shot at life. Our life. We’re on the clock and running out of time. It asks: what do YOU want
We place the chains and we also have the key. No judgement on the choice, but there IS choice.
Hi AV and NA,
AV,
Thank you for your kind words of support and I hide the pain he causes well, but holding that in makes me struggle with other feelings and controlling them. It’s sorta like holding a box and trying to pick up another box with your hands full. My other emotions get the better of me, like frustrarion, anger etc…I just pop off easier when I’m dealing with hurting on top of it.
I went to a doctor last week, she wanted ro give me pills for depression. I’m currently trying an herbal. I want to try it first, she respected my feelings about drugs and side effects.
I’m hoping the 2 plans I have now, one of them will work….
I’m going to have tp bite a bullet and get a lawyer. MLSN comes home early some days now, to check if I’m home and not running away, or moving out. He looks at me and I swear I feel him calculating if I’m leaving or not. Ever since the divorce papers he got, he’s been checking on me, calling me at work…where you at, what are you doing? It’s nerve racking. Xx
NA,
I agree with you, my ET is a big pain in my ass and I wish I could kick it right down the stairs. Thanks for your support and I hope this time it works! Xx
Hi Rebecca & AV,
I’ve been busy with a personal matter the past a couple of weeks but I wanted to make sure I came back to this conversation. The two of you are definitely worthwhile human beings! You’re both kind & understanding and are wonderful examples of genuine empathy in action.
AV, I know you’ve worked through it but I wanted to say it anyway.
Rebecca, I’m glad you’re getting the help you need.
This, all so true Rebecca. There is life, so much life, beyond the narcissist and our ET. I know this from experience now.
Narcangel: Hahaha “penis cozy” and “ sandwich maker.” I can see what you mean when addressing an interpersonal relationship BUT what if it’s about a cause, a need to serve a higher purpose, a drive to right a wrong, cure an injustice or create a change, restore balance like the scales of justice. What if that is what you want. For example an investigative journalist with high ET risks danger because the need to know and show the truth burns inside of him or her. Or a person chooses a political stand that risks assassination because the passion over racial inequality drives him like MLK or simply she won’t give up her bus seat like Ross Sarks in a highly charged ET moment or must risk her life to save slaves like Harriett Tubman or gives a kidney to a loved one out of love and self sacrifice or jumps into a ravine to save an animal or runs towards danger as that’s his job in war or runs into a battlefield as “ no man should be left behind.” Or keeps her baby knowing she might die. Or takes a stand at an office knowing a job might be lost or protecting a victim from a bully despite him being bigger than you or the risk of school punishments… Etc… Etc…losing your life for another is not logical. Losing a job, being punished, etc… is not cold hard logic. Yet there are famous and unsung heroes who do it everyday. Maybe you made a decision based on the heart, or an ideal that was illogical as most would not stick their neck on the line for another. What do you think? I think ET can create great societal change and history supports it. I think empathy can be an unparalleled strength. And why psychopaths who lack it in their goal seeking actions can often end up in jail. It’s a dual sword in my opionion. And the road that is the highest as the clearest view. Too often people here self flagellate having ET that lead them wrong. I think you can learn from HG to make better choices but never ever give up your ideals. Maybe pick a better mate to warm up the penis or cook a meal for but ET can create a better world.
@ Contagious,
Regarding your comment from 2/24, 5:36, for me the lowered ET has given me a clearer head to live out my ideals in a more conscious and intentional way. The world is a better place with empaths who are using our empathy in a healthy manner, living by our ideals. For me it is when my ET is elevated that I am more likely not to live according to my own ideals, allowing instead for myself to be pushed this way and that by the one or ones I am allowing to run the show.
Contagious, your comment touched me very much. My thoughts are arranged in the same way.
I have no power without ET. Life is so barren. ET is devilish determination and strength. It’s the sparkle in the eyes. It is life in every cell of the body.
I love ideals. I am now looking for an idea, to which I will devote myself again and sometimes lose myself.
Recently, I lost 3 main goals, that fueled me. One ended naturally, two I stopped believing in.
Life is going well, but… it’s not enough. I treat this time as an ET rest period. Rest is important.
—–
At the same time, I am so burdened with current duties, that there is no way I would have time for anything else until the end of June. I devote myself to these small, immediate things; small satisfactions, small achievements, small progress and small pleasures, but these are not enough to live fully.
Plus, I was unexpectedly burdened with the responsibility of managing the property I live in, because the other 21 families don’t give a damn. My God, all the men who live here, have fled and I am left alone “on the battlefield” with accounting, construction, court and other matters that I am just learning. As usual in a social act. I keep threatening them into my thoughts, that I will give it all up like other people, that I will force them to take matters into their own hands, but I can’t give up.
“Why should they do it, if they know you will do it for free and without expecting a ‘thank you”?” – my daughter told me. I know she’s right. Sometimes I feel like the last sucker in a hopeless equation:
Do more = have less
The prose of life. I can’t stand it. But maybe that’s what saves me from flying too high. Okay.
Hi Leigh,
Sorry, NA I couldn’t find another reply portal xx
Leigh,
Thanks for your kind words and I hope your personal matter is a positive and things worked out for you. Xx Hope your situation is changing, regarding your narc husband. Xx
You’re a good, kind person too and I’m glad we correspond on here too. Xx
Dear Dani–
I see what you are doing! I see! I should have known it would be you who would attempt to expose my poor rendering of common law. I had thought I could slip it by, in my flustered state. I recall that you have a penchant for accuracy, and I accept your correction. But you have publicly exposed me, a poor widow, and I shall bear the scarlet letter ‘S’ as testament to my shame. Right here. On my heaving bosom. As it rises and falls owing to the suffering of my hysterical condition. First slowly and gently, then quickly and roughly as the full import of my degradation inflames my mind.
Oh! I am brought low! How you have ravaged me, Dani! Will I ever restore my honor, especially with such thighs as mine which quiver so…legalistically?
Allison–
Hester Prynne wore it well. I have full confidence that you’ll manage just as admirably. You needn’t flog yourself so.
And you only recorded half the conversation…I will have to step in to clear the record and my good name.
Allison: “But you have publicly exposed me, a poor widow, and I shall bear the scarlet letter ‘S’ as testament to my shame.”
Dani: “That letter is horrible!”
*spoken simultaneously*
Allison: “Right here. On my heaving bosom. As it rises and falls owing to the suffering of my hysterical condition.”
Dani: “You can’t be seen in it! I won’t allow it…Two days ago maybe. I will design a new letter: “M” for Melodramatic.”
Allison: “First slowly and gently, then quickly and roughly as the full import of my degradation inflames my mind.”
Dani: “Fine! I will fix the hobo letter. But no capes!”
Dear Dani,
It is true I am given to self flagellation. It is a curse. And my arms are very tired.
But, my, you do appear energetic.
Would you mind?
Dear Allison–
I am abnormally energetic, and I am unable to help you in this way.
Dear Dani,
Oh, well. Thank you for your honesty. Thought I’d give it a spin. A girl never knows where a good sadist might be hiding.
Hey, Rebecca–
“I’m thinking a TRex with longer and bigger arms, the better to catch his prey with.”
No doubt T. Ultra would be larger than T. Rex in all respects. Ever so much larger. Ah. Hmm. That’s just science. Yup. Science.
Dear Brenda–
“Or perhaps somebody mentally ill who loves sadism on themselves?”
Speaking as a masochist who enjoys the application of consensual sadistic behavior to myself, I don’t think that makes one mentally ill. My intense fear of tumbleweeds is maybe a sign of a problem, yes. And my homicidal rage at people who make duckface in selfies, perhaps.
However, the fact that I enjoy power exchange and the skilled administration of nipple torture now and again doesn’t make me mentally ill. On the contrary, I think I’d go crazy if I never got to play.
I never said that anyone who loves sadism is mentally ill.
You read it and put it in a wrong context. Took it way too personal.
Please read again and take it literally.
‘A curly person with a dog’ does not mean that every curly person has a dog.
“Or perhaps somebody mentally ill who loves sadism on themselves?”
I read it as you saying masochists are examples of the mentally ill because they enjoy sadism on themselves. Is that not what you intended? I think my reading was reasonable. And I’m not sure what a curly person is.
I do like to correct misinformation about BDSM desires or practices being in themselves mental illness or signs/results of such, using myself as an example because I know myself best.
Allison,
English is not Brenda’s FL. She means curly haired person. When she says a curly haired person with a dog, she’s not suggesting all curly haired people have a dog. Thus, she’s not suggesting everyone who practices BDSM is mentally unwell even though she is implying that some (like in the general population) might be.
However… I know there is a tendency in society more generally to conflate less vanilla sexual leanings with mental instability and this must be an ongoing and unfair-seeming frustration. You’d notice it much more because you’re part of the community. I notice unpleasant correlations made with communities I have personal experience with more than others whose experiences are not in this community as well.
I don’t think Brenda meant harm but I can see how you saw some harm in that it associated BDSM with something not great. I thought your first response was very measured even if it may have surprised Brenda who didn’t see that she’d made such a link.
Dear Allison,
I have come to realise that whatever you say (anywhere on social media) others grant themselves the power of judge and Jury, councellor or critic, without gaining the full knowledge or history of the person behind the comments.
What is right for one person may not necessarily be right for the next, while there are certain laws in place there is no right or wrong way for anyone to live, let them live their life in their own way and support them should it go wrong, after all, throughout our lives we learn from our mistakes, don’t we ?
I too read Brenda’s comment in the way that you did, however I allowed it to wash over me, because as I said previously, Brenda doesn’t know me.
This is not a dig at Brenda, but to remind everyone that comments can be misinterpreted and should be carefully considered before posting, when you see people in the street do you know who is suffering with cancer ? (Unless of course you can physically see through their treatment), I would suggest that you do not, so be kind, we don’t need to fight the world, there is enough of that already.
You do you, Allison, I am sure that you are a beautiful person with intelligence… stay safe 🥰
Good comment, Carole, thank you for writing it x
Thank you, Carole. Safety has been a bedrock principle in the scene for the past few decades. Most acknowledge that nothing is 100% safe, but you go in being aware of the risks. I don’t play with people who don’t follow the rules, and I carefully vet new spaces.
I love kinky sex, and I think it’s great that you are empowered enough to mention it here!
Good for you!
Good for you, Sonya! I also find it’s good for the cardiovascular system and for stress relief. I also really enjoy scening with people when sex is not a direct part of it, where it’s just erotic or for leisure or beauty.
I agree, erotic or for leisure is for some reason it seems like bonding, and it is indeed beautiful.
Allison: Alls fair in love and war!” lol I have always felt people’s desires in bed are fine and acceptable. We like what we like, why deny it? Sex is one of the best parts of life and it’s “ free”:) To me it is healthy unless hurting a child or nonconsensual.. Why do I hear the Cure in my head now? lol My best always!
Thank you, Contagious. I enjoy it for non-sexual purposes as well. But, of course, it is really sexy!
I think you may be Banksy.
HG, you’ve confirmed you don’t have a sweet tooth.
1. Do you have a funky tooth? Won’t you take me to- funky tooooooooooooown?
2. If so, what’s your favorite funky cheese (blue, brie that’s expired and evokes a litter box)?
3. What’s your favorite sandwich?
4. Do you understand written languages other than English?
5. Do you understand spoken languages other than English?
6. Have you had an autistic person as an IPSS and/or IPPS?
7. Do you experience sexual fluidity, a la “I could get some fuel from that man-italia”?
8. Have you consumed Key and Peele content?
9. Would you be hired as a sex ed teacher by an adult who wanted “assistance”?
10. As a cluster B, what do you think of your cluster C cousins?
11. Re q 10, Is cluster A more entertaining?
12. Have you seen the Battlestar Galactica tv show made in the early 2000s?
13. If you exit the cluster B closet, will you reduce the duration and/or opacity of your facades for any IPPS and IPSS, a la “you knew what you signed up for, bee-yotch”?
14. Do you create situations where women don’t know whether to thank you or report you, like you abduct and spank them w/o consent, but they have a secret desire for it from you?
15. Will you be on the old side of fifty this september? If so, any lessons for us young’uns?
Merci HG, mon petit poulet (HG is pronounced in french, so it rhymes)
Greetings, Sir.
In pondering your categorization of people into the four groups (Empath, Normal, Narcissistic, Narcissist), there is always something that I am confused about. When you define empaths, there seems to be a correlation between strong empathic traits and addiction; yet, I have seen and known many people who are very strong in empathic traits but lack the addiction to narcissists. This has spawned two thoughts:
1. The reason the link between the two factors exists is because strong empathic traits will often compel the bearer to want to help and to restore people; and this is where the addiction is so often displayed; to save, to help, to give (for diverse reasons embedded in upbringing and personality). Is this your line of reasoning?
2. Many of my associates are in the context of Christianity, where growth in empathy should be the natural result wherever you started from in that regard. Obviously, there are people without high empathy levels in the church, which is to be expected (We come as we are, and we must grow; some people are also not there to grow.); and, as you mentioned, many narcissists love to come to church, as well (and I have definitely met them there). The major difference that I can see here is that the Bible teaches that God alone can save people; we cannot save ourselves, much less anyone else; therefore, the addiction to being the one who will fix/save people is nullified, if we allow that to change us. Therefore, we are free to bestow loving care upon people, but without the vulnerability to those who would predate upon those with highly empathic traits. This is what I have witnessed. However, I have met those with whom that particular addiction is rooted deep; it often takes time to recognize and respond appropriately to it, just as with everyone else and our own issues. (Also, sometimes knowing what you should do and actually doing it are two different things, even in the context of interacting with narcissists.)
So, is the highly empathic individual without the addiction to narcissists an empath in your system? Or, would they be a normal with strong empathic traits? Or, do you have contrary thoughts in response to my own? I would love to know either way. 🙂
*Regarding my 2nd thought, this is my own personal experience/context for the ending questions. I am not implying that only in church are highly empathic people without addiction to narcissists (if that is even regarded as such by Mr Tudor’s system, which is what I am seeking clarification on). I am seeking to deepen my understand of what is happening and the mechanisms behind it.
Um… I sent a different comment before, but I typed my email incorrectly when I submitted it. I hope that did not cause any problems for you. If so, sorry about that; and, as I said in that comment, I very much appreciate you sharing your thoughts with all of us. 🌷
See The Addiction Triple Package, it is all explained there.
Thank you kindly.
Hi HG and Leigh,
This comment is in regards to my best friend and her behaviors of late….and to respond to Leigh’s comment earlier today about my bestie’s toxicity.
I agree with you, Leigh and with HG’s guidance, I have decided to back off and give her space. She’s dealing with a narc boyfriend, whether she wants to see it or not and possibly a narc kid, so she has her hands full and she’s not allowing me to help her… so I need to step away and take a mental break. For her and me. Xx
She’s not at her best when stressed out, so breathing room is what I’m giving her. Xx
Hi Rebecca,
I’m happy to hear that you’ve decided to back off and take a mental break. I think it will help you in the long run.
1. HG have you ever cried past age 9?
2. Why in your Valentines Day venom videos do you look at crying as a weakness ( ok originally taught to be by your mother) but now as opposed to an embracement of humanity?
I don’t see Jesus as weak. Jesus is said to have cried in the Bible. Being vulnerable yet strong is harder than just being strong don’t you agree?
3. Can you be vulnerable as a narc? Open up? Trust? Or is that “never.” Not to anyone. I know narcs don’t love per your education but trust? A trusty lieutenant like Alaster?
1. No. I squeezed out a tear to con the good doctors once, but I would not describe that as crying.
2. Because it is weak. If you are vulnerable, you are not strong.
3. A narcissist can feign vulnerability for the purposes of manipulation. A narcissist may feel vulnerable owing to substantial wounding. There are degrees of trust as I have explained before.
Interesting! Well, any degree of trust falls into trust so while you might not fully trust someone you trust some people to do what you ask for example….
Mr. Tudor–
Contagious: Why in your Valentines Day venom videos do you look at crying as a weakness ( ok originally taught to be by your mother) but now as opposed to an embracement of humanity?
HG: Because it is weak. If you are vulnerable, you are not strong.
1. Can a psychopath feel vulnerable?
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciated.
Only during a prostate examination.
Thank you, sir. I suppose that the female psychopath must never feel vulnerable as they have no need for a prostate exam.
Only during a prostate examination…
I found your reply extremely amusing HG. Your humour is always appreciated and guaranteed to bring a smile to my face, even on the toughest of days, thank you ❤️
Lifting a glass to the continued health and vitality of your fig, HG.
HG have you done a dna exam? You are tall, fit, light haired (recess a bit?) bright bright blue stunning eyes I think from my reading and my intuition. My guess is English ( Scottish) but with Nordic roots too like Denmark, Scandinavian, Norway often the tribe. You might even have a L1 hapolop group. Obviously Rb1. Do you know?
I have. I do know, yes.
Contagious, very interesting!
I started reading and became fascinated by the topic of haplogroups and haplotypes. Poles are mostly Slavs, but I didn’t know the genetic groups. R1a and R1b predominate here – I found very interesting materials about population (and gene) migrations.
Recently I watched an excellent, very detailed animation showing the movements of tribes and wars in my country over the centuries. Someone did an excellent job.
But you included the genetic aspect, which is equally interesting.
The ability to do home tests shocked me. I wonder, how reliable they are? A great option, although it would be a waste of money – I have to buy a new, large carpet, because the new dog from the shelter had problems with physiological self-control, and the smell of urine is not my favorite in the house, eh 🙂 ).
This is an interesting topic, I will definitely dig into it further.
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HG’s answer – that’s great.
Interesting, which haplogroup is the most narcissistic and which is the most empathetic 🙂
Sparrow: I agree. But it’s like my diatribes on Matrys that never get published. This comment might not either. The religious component gets taken out. The need to serve God or the higher purpose. Martin Luther King Jr was a matyr and many others who literally would die for their beliefs. Not weak doormats but those willing to sacrifice for Faith. And you can make those type of decisions in everyday life where you take extraordinary acts or make extraordinary self sacrificing decisions not as grandiose as Martins but because of a deep seated conviction usually Faith or Justice or LOVE. Like giving a kidney to a family member or staying up night after night for a sick child or suffering a financial hardship because you won’t do anything that’s not principled . I think HG avoids getting into Faith based doctrines or discussions that go that way. HG doesn’t want a blog on religious debates. I get that but I agree many empaths (not all) are Faith driven. It’s a core value. And for me it’s a knowledge that life is short and eternity is long. We strive to please God ( or whatever religion) to follow his footsteps … so take for example a Christian belief to love thy enemies, to forgive, to turn the other cheek. A narc does not do that or a psychopath and I could see that as being seen as weak by them. But it’s one of the hardest things to do. To me, it’s a strength and I struggle with it. I have been wronged by someone and struggled not to live with hate or anger. To release it. To let God be the judge not me. HG says religion was a part of his formative years. Church of England as I recall so he knows on a cognitive level Faith and why we serve or try too anyway but that LOVE that flows through us to do, act and pursue the higher goals to please God … that divine emotion. HG does not feel. Ever cry at church out of the pure beauty of it? Of the joy? Narcs don’t feel love or joy so how could they understand Gods love if they cannot feel love at all and the powerful compulsion it brings to serve? It’s a purpose like HGs legacy that I am sure HG understands as extremely intelligent but it’s based on Faith and Love. Of the greatest motives is love.
Hi, Contagious–
I enjoy talking religion. But I’m one of those empaths without religious faith. I used to have buckets of it. However, since I put it down I find much more wonder and even beauty in facing the cosmos as it is. I don’t hope for Heaven or fear Hell.
When I see horror in the world, I’m better able to cope as I no longer believe that anything else is out there waiting to fix it. That means, to me, that if there is to be any justice, joy, or progress we must produce it ourselves.
Hi Allison: I totally respect that;)
Coolness.
Contagious: I cannot speak for Mr. Tudor; but, I can say that without belief in God (And what is the nature of this God?), the religious component is irrelevant. I find my faith to be logical; but, had God not intervened in my life, I would have found the dark path to be more sensible (if I were even alive still).
Self-sacrifice can be the outflow of love; it can also be the outflow of pride, or misplaced zeal, or other less than virtuous things. As Paul wrote, Though I give all of my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but I do not have love, it profits me nothing. People sacrifice themselves in little decisions everyday for the sake of addiction as well (which he is well acquainted with); they may dress it up and call it love. People can even sacrifice themselves to protect themselves from other perceived dangers. It is crazy, yet we have all done it. Self-sacrifice alone means nothing, especially if it is incongruous with the profession of one’s stated beliefs in the rest of their life. I know that you reference that self-sacrifice from love, but I am trying to lay out how this might look (and how it can be mistaken, since our hearts are deceptive).
I would say that faith is a core attribute of every human being. Logic alone cannot give all of the answers, due to our own constraints (though some have tried, and, in so doing, have become illogical); some things are unknown to us and we use our paradigms to navigate these dark waters, wherever the weight of evidence seems to lie. (Or, we just drift through life in survival mode.)
It would be good to be careful not to make emotion an evidence of religious experience. The love of the Biblical God is not an emotion; it is an intelligent, living principle woven into the whole person’s being as they continuously surrender selfishness to God. Emotions may accompany love; they also might not. Feelings are changeable and an unreliable foundation to build upon, both in our relationships with people and with God. The just shall live by faith, not by feelings. This could have been a mere semantics issue; but I thought it worth bringing up.
I definitely agree that the greatest, but also the only logical motive, is love. I can also understand why that may sound absolutely insane and self-destructive to someone with an opposing worldview.
Sparrow,
Beautifully written! I couldn’t agree more.
Sonya,
I am happy that it resonated with you. ^_^
Sparrow that was brilliant! It gave me lots to ponder about and and I see a different perspective too! Thank you! What do you think of historical martyrs?
Faith? Emotion? Both? Doormats?
A martyr is a person who sacrifices their life or undergoes extreme suffering as a result of their beliefs, principles, or advocacy for a cause. Martyrdom is often associated with religious or ideological convictions, but it can also be connected to social or political activism. Here are some examples of individuals, including Martin Luther King Jr., who are often regarded as martyrs for their dedication to a cause:
1. **Martin Luther King Jr.:** A prominent leader of the American civil rights movement, Martin Luther King Jr. was dedicated to nonviolent activism and the fight against racial segregation and discrimination. He was assassinated in 1968, and his legacy continues to inspire social justice movements worldwide.
2. **Mahatma Gandhi:** Known for his role in India’s struggle for independence, Gandhi advocated for nonviolent civil disobedience and was committed to promoting peace and equality. He was assassinated in 1948.
3. **Joan of Arc:** A French heroine, Joan of Arc played a significant role in the Hundred Years’ War and was later executed for heresy and rebellion. She is remembered for her bravery and unwavering faith.
4. **Harvey Milk:** A pioneering gay rights activist and politician, Harvey Milk was the first openly gay elected official in California. He was tragically assassinated in 1978 and is remembered for his advocacy for LGBTQ+ rights.
5. **Sophie Scholl:** A member of the anti-Nazi resistance group White Rose, Sophie Scholl and her fellow activists distributed leaflets speaking out against the Nazi regime. She was executed by the Nazis.
I couldn’t touch their hem but they are my heroes and so listens favorite matyrs on my EDC. Jesus is number one but I find their dedication and conviction and self sacrifice and magnificent change in the world astounding. I love Harriet Tubman, Mother Theresa etc… how would these people fit in with your position so eloquently written about? Of course there are the beautiful unsung heroes too that exist daily without fame Thank you again!
Historical martyrs were definitely not doormats, in that external pressures were not able to bend them (One could argue that in not bending to one, you are submitting to another; but, not right now.). Were they commendable in doing so? Were they inspirational? That depends on where your faith lies.
Think about a terrorist who blows himself and everyone around him up. He may have found it to be an inspirational course of action, noble, and worthwhile; but many people are disgusted and abhorred at his faith which has cruelly snatched away the lives of their loved ones and has made lives more difficult. Even if he only blew himself up, others may also find his faith which prompted the action to be utterly foolish and misguided. Other people may look to him as a hero, though, if their faith aligns more closely to his.
It is the same with the rest of the martyrs. Even if they do not physically destroy other people, their influence claims the lives of individuals, to the delight or dismay of others (Tertullian’s “The blood of the martyrs is seed” quote, for example). How you regard their sacrifice is determined by where your faith lies, what your worldview is. They will not be universally recognized and appreciated because everyone has different ideas about reality, about gain and loss.
As for emotion as a driver, that will only take you so far. Taking Jesus for an example, He never would have made it past Gethsemane if He was depending upon emotion to carry Him through His self-sacrifice. He was enabled to press through the suffering by His faith in His Father (and His word), even when He felt forsaken. You could say that His faith enabled His love to manifest to those around Him, even under intense pressure (which is really where love is put to the test).
At any rate, the uneducated Martyr Empath, as I understand their course outlined in Mr Tudor’s video, is coming from a place of dysfunction. Self-sacrifice that hurts both you and the person you are with is counterproductive, regardless of intentions; it is illogical, and felt emotions do not make it any more credible. I do not think that religious conviction would make their self-sacrifice reasonable at all, unless, perhaps, they were literal prisoners of the narcissist and unable to escape or get help (the prison is externally imposed, not internally).
(As a Christian, I do believe in the joy set before us, as well; our greatest joy is relational and harmonious, with God and fellow wo/man, and all of His creation. I just wanted to throw that out there, because it might sound like I am hating on emotions. I am not; I just have never found them to be reliable decision makers without logic. 🙂)
Hello Sparrow! You post very interesting views. Historical martyrs and „terrorist who blows himself and everyone around him up“ – what type, what school/cadre would you see them belong to?
Jordyguin,
Historical martyrs and terrorists can come from all kinds of people, from empath, to normal, to narcissistic; and, I would say narcissist as well, under the right conditions; but, I have to chew on that one a bit more.
If that is not accurate, would you set this right, HG? If they were already suicidal, rare as that is, might they possibly be one to choose to go out in a blaze of glory to be remembered? Would there be anticipatory fuel to be gained in doing so, knowing that they would have the admiration of generations to come?
I think that martyrdom is the ultimate sacrifice for what you serve. This would not be limited to empaths, then.
Hello again, Sparrow! I asked about martyrs in my first reply, but now I read your previous comments. I see the positive essence in them, yet combined with the biblical theme is where it doesn’t match and I’d like to pick up on the ideas which I see as the foundation of flawed logic.
I should mention that I hope you will continue to explore Mr. Tudor’s work and find out more and more. Some readers and clients of Mr. Tudor are religious and it doesn’t get in the way of learning here… My approach is straightforward but I hope it finds you well.
(ง •̀ v •́)ง⁂✧♡)
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1. „…the Bible teaches that God alone can save people; we cannot save ourselves…“
Apparently Biblical God created us weaker on purpose and he doesn’t want us to be our own reliable independent source.
It makes him a parental narcissist.
2. „The love of the Biblical God is not an emotion; it is an intelligent, living principle woven into the whole person’s being as they continuously surrender selfishness to God.“
The Biblical God was created by various authors, men, and this God makes pretty emotional demands and doesn’t shy away from manipulative tactics.
The Bible has irrational acts and ideas in it but the irrationality is swept under the rug by true believers who must surrender their sanity – true believers are not allowed to apply critical thinking of the Biblical God.
The love you refer to can’t be an intelligent living principle founded on Biblical God. Not in a billion years.
3. „Feelings are changeable and an unreliable foundation to build upon, both in our relationships with people and with God.“
Feelings – unreliable? ? ?
Feelings are sensory perceptions and mental experiences. They are pretty much stable, reliable.
Emotions are action-programs. Trained and conditioned until they became repetitive patterns and reflexes. These patterns and reflexes override direct perception (feelings) and get in the way of critical thinking, swapping it for conditioned thinking, which causes problems. And this circles back and impacts our mental experiences, putting a veil knitted out of triggers in between direct perception+cool hard logic and emotions.
We react in the same way, based on the same triggers, over and over again. We are reliably predictable in all instances.
5. „The just shall live by faith, not by feelings.“
Where is the logic? ? ?
Obviously none of us was created to just have faith, otherwise why did the Creator created us with a set of feelings?!
To create me with feelings and then demand of me not take them into account – this is a high level gaslighting.
Whoever attempts to remove feelings, or logic, or emotions from our being – our system of experiences – is an agent of manipulation.
Hello Jordyguin! Sorry, it takes me a bit sometimes to reply, as I think over (and edit, and edit) my comments (and, of course, issues crop up in our personal lives, too). I had not finished responding to your original comment yet; but, I will address this reply now. The straightforward approach is my favorite, so I thank you kindly for addressing me thusly. ^_^ <333
Firstly, I should mention that this comment was made in the context of replying to Contagious, who has faith in God; therefore, I assume that we share a more similar worldview. If I were going to strike up a conversation with you directly (knowing some of your position), I would not address you the same way, since it would have made little to no sense in your worldview (translation, not changing the substance; though, that would not eliminate all of the friction).
As an additional note, I use the words “feelings” and “emotions” interchangeably, as it is all that I have known, and the dictionary still defines them with each other; but your use of the terms led me to realize that there is a distinction between them in professional spheres. I was not aware of this. Thank you for informing me. Nevertheless, for the sake of timeliness, I am not prepared to edit my comment to reflect the professional side (mostly because I want to understand it better before applying it to my usage). I am sorry! I hope that will not be too cringe-inducing for you.
1. There is a whole lot to unpack in this statement, from both you and myself, I am sure. I would like to address this, though, it seems like too large of a topic for this comment section, as I do not wish to hijack HG’s platform to host a debate on the character of the Biblical God. Especially as I digest information about narcissism, and considering the Biblical worldview, I have thought about writing my thoughts out (more for my own sake). The idea that people consider God to be a narcissist, and the reasons why, interests me. If I opened a WordPress account and posted my thoughts about these things, would you be interested in reading them? I would not want to make my writings public if nobody were going to read them. It would be an exercise in brushing up on my writing too, as I do not want to make HG’s eyes bleed as he moderates my poorly written comments; or yours as you all read them. 🙂
2. See Point 1.
I will not argue that the Bible was written by various men; the Bible says that much about itself; but, it is, according to my understanding, inspired by God, through the writers. That also likely sounds crazy from your perspective, since you do not believe in the veracity of the Bible, or in its God.
As for emotional demands, do you mean, to love God and your neighbor as yourself? You are making a lot of claims in this point, and there is no explanation for them; again, there are better venues for this type of discussion. (It has been had many, many times over; my opinion may vary a bit, though; especially getting into the topic of hell, upon which, I am guessing I would agree with your perspective over the horrifying nonsense that many Christians propagate about this. I would guess that some of these “manipulative tactics” that you reference fall into place here; and, yes, I would find that to be absolutely appalling if the Bible actually taught what many people believe about it. I would definitely reject God, and thus, the Bible, if that were so.)
3a. Yes; in the context of maintaining relationships, feelings are an unreliable foundation to build upon. You (not you) may start a relationship because of the good feelings that you have toward someone. What do you do when the feelings die? Do you both use each other, or genuinely care for one another? (I mean, the whole point of wedding vows is to commit to loving when the feelings are unpleasant.) Do you just use people until they do not make you feel good anymore? (There are people who attempt to use each other; and people who attempt to use God, as if He were some cosmic vending machine into which they just have to add the right input to get the things that they want; and then they sing about how they love Him.)
Loving relationships cannot work if they are wholly dependent upon emotion; you need a stronger foundation of principle to build upon.
I am not saying that you should just get with anybody regardless of your feelings; if you cannot tolerate the individual, then you should probably not pursue a committed relationship with them, for both your sakes. Also, if a relationship becomes unsafe, yes, leave.
3b. Feelings are generally subject to our held beliefs about events and circumstances. They are changeable in relation to the triggers. This is the basis of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy. Most of us hold onto beliefs that make us feel miserable unnecessarily, and then we think that must be the reality of the matter. Hence, an innocent action on your part may trigger a hostile reaction from someone with misbeliefs attached to that trigger (“When someone does this, it means that they are going to attack me; therefore, I must defend myself.”); meanwhile, your intentions were entirely safe. This belief was probably valid where it was formed originally (thus helping them to survive), but it is not a universal truth. They misinterpreted reality through their feelings, which was based upon their deeply held misbelief. If you just rely on your feelings to tell you what is and is not, never examining the roots beneath them, you are operating upon an unreliable foundation. Ideally, our feelings and reality would always match up; as is, we are all crazy in some way, shape, or form, and liable to err.
4. I can see how this sounds strange without the context. This statement does not say that feelings are bad, or that you should not have feelings. You are correct. We are created with feelings. To have feelings is not considered sinful or foolish by God (or me). As I said, our decisions are based upon our faith system, our worldview, our personal ideas of gain and loss; what this is saying is that our feelings do not dictate reality; they are a response to our perception of reality.
In the context of Christianity, for example, since God told me that He loves me, I do not have to believe that He does not because my feelings are not as exciting or tender that day in relation to Him as they were another day (plunging me into a depression because I have them not). “My great feelings in relation to God are my evidence of His love and favor.” This is an error which seriously hurts Christians. We believe that God loves us because He said that He does, and we live in the joy of that love. (Of course, the system for God’s reliability has already been laid in the Christian’s mind, else that would not make sense.) This is what it means to live by faith, and not by feelings.
Hello Sparrow! Thank you for your reply and no problem, take your time please. I shall practice patience, meanwhile. And yes, it’s best of course if you read HG’s materials first so the exchange can form within the classifications and the gained knowledge on narcissism and psychopathy as HG explains it. HG also did The Seduction of the Cult on YT, you’d find it interesting to listen to.💕
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1. Yes, I’d like to read your thoughts, as you mentioned.
2. What I mean by manipulative tactics in the Bible, perhaps best explained by this example.
As a child I developed an obsession with Jesus when I was given a children’s Bible. I wanted to know everything about his Father he referred so much to, and I was allowed to watch the religious tv channel where the Old Testament was animated for children… As I watched, I began to suspect that the Father of my Jesus was a bit of a Joker. When He asked Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac (in the animation Isaac was my age and I identified with him) but then – „Duh! Sacrifice the ram instead!“ And I was basically done with religion and I didn’t know why, at that time, but later found out that children (pure and innocent) in that young age identify themselves with animals ! and the ram (sweetly animated) would be amongst children’s identification as well. I was also the ram and not just Isaac as I watched that series, so basically my little self-concept was murdered on that day by „my father“ and by God when He decided to play his games of ’prove your love to me’.
The little Issac and the sweet ram – didn’t do anything wrong, but deserved to die. Twice. One death was a joke and the second – real.
I didn’t know how to put it in words, but something was off.
. . .
The 10 commandments:
You shall not murder… You shall not steal… etc.
You SHALL NOT – is messing with our right and left brain. Right brain pictures and it can’t picture the NOT-state. It pictures the IS-state and the NOT is erased. „You shall not“ transform into „You shell“ and „You will“. It creates a split. You never stole or murdered, but simply by putting yourself into the state of – You are capable of it – makes you adopt the SINNER-position, without having sinned.
The Old Testament likes the Guilt-trap in all its forms. The hidden and the obvious.
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3a) Yes, I understand your perspective on feelings as you described.
„What do you do when the feelings die?“
The question of all times! That’s why we’re here…
. . .
Who taught me about love?
Was it God who taught me about love? The Biblical God who asked „my father“ to murder “me”, in order to prove his love to God?
Who taught me that it’s okay to sacrifice myself for love..? Whose love?
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4. „As I said, our decisions are based upon our faith system, our worldview, our personal ideas of gain and loss; what this is saying is that our feelings do not dictate reality; they are a response to our perception of reality.“
And given the examples above…
The faith aspect – when it’s founded upon a faith system which is hijacked by narcissistic ideas of love (sacrifice), will distort our perception of reality.
And in some way or another those ideas became almost part of our DNA.
The Old Testament in particular makes sure the Guilt-trap finds its way into the psyche of humans from an early age.
Jordyguin,
I will listen to The Seduction of the Cult, and I am sure that I will find it to be interesting; but, I think that you might be operating on a false assumption of why and/or how I came to be a Christian. As I mentioned, God Himself is the one who intervened in my life, and who continues to do so; it was not people or empty words which led me to Him. I will explain on my WordPress site.
I will address your points there, since they seem to spring from the same core. Please bear with me as I figure out what I am doing on the blog-making front. When I have posted my first entry, I will notify you.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. I like hearing the ideas of people with differing perspectives, and hope that we can all keep learning together.
Dear Sparrow, please keep in mind that I will not discuss ’narcissism in religion’ outside of this blog. I understand that what you want to share on your personal platform is of a more expanded nature and you simply want to respect this place and not overshare here of your personal experience. I also understand that becoming Christian is based on your empathic nature and understanding. I have dear friends who are Christians and they focus on the positive experience of it all, so I understand, yes, and I don’t see it as negative. However, they don’t examine the nasty parts and choose to think that The Good is wholly in there (in the Bible), but it’s not. The Bible was so brutal at its foundation („eye for an eye“) it had to be readjusted and the empathic nature taken into account until people would enter the institutions more freely and „turn the other cheek“. For whom, what teaching was intended, is not clear in the final edit. Not to mention how many versions of the Bible circulated into different lineages, beyond its origin Hebrew tribe and land. Words were changed, words were added and translations did the rest, the Zeitgeist and the historical circumstances left out of sight, yet it became a manual for a global mindset of organised religion and its crimes, no matter on what side “you” were.
There are very empathic individuals inside any religion and they do good as much as they can and they pick out the gems and operate on the basis of their heart. I recognise it.
Any spiritual teaching, in any culture, in any religion is a very psychological and interesting topic! It might have empathic, narcissistic, psychopathic elements in it. As far as I’m aware, any spiritual teaching is a mediator between Gods and humans. But „you“ wouldn’t need to attach yourself to any of these mediator mixed up contents as a source for your empathic feelings as they connect to the world around you, also by using logic, as you examine them. The Bible’s purpose was/is of various nature. In my opinion, if one understands what HG explains about his kind and his kind’s influence on how humanity and its path formed, it makes a lot of sense why.
Contagious:
I am thankful for your response to me, and for your thoughts. I do agree with what you say in that the strength of loving self-sacrifice is often not recognized. Also, I acknowledge that the beauty of God often stirs the soul as nothing else can. I wanted to offer a different perspective; but rereading my initial reply to you, I thought it may have come off a bit cold. I apologize for this. This was not my intention.
Naturally, I am not inclined to being emotionally vulnerable or even aware of my own emotions (things God is working on with me); somehow that seems to make people laugh in person and it can still be an enriching experience; also, there is intonation and body language in person; but in writing, I just seem to come off very cold. There are people in my life with whom such an exchange of ideas and facts is very invigorating, and none of it is offensive; but, I know that for many the emotional component is extremely important.
I am emotionally awkward; but I do care about people. If I offend, please let me know, and I will continue to learn to be a noble and gentle human being in ways that everyone can recognize and appreciate. 💐🤖
Sparrow as said before your reply made me grateful both for your time and response. It made me think and see different perspectives! Nothing cold about that… invigorating! X
And may I add that even when people disagree it’s refreshing the respect that’s shown. You volleyed back ideas but with respect. Grateful;) Although I tend to agree but I cry at church sometimes as I feel such a love, joy and grateful. I don’t feel embarrassed by it as He understands…. Just me. But I agree with you and liked the Paul quote. It’s a good lesson learned.
HG
Do you feel proud of your achievement with this blog?
Does it make you feel very satisfied and provide excellent fuel?
Does it make you feel great you have empowered people?
Or do negative reactions from people still provide the greatest fuel as you stated in your book “fuel”?
I myself feel safe here in the House of Tudor
This information provided here has empowered me.
Thank you!
1. So far, yes.
2. No and no and you should know the answer to the second part of that question.
3. It is a recognition of my excellence.
4. Negative fuel is more potent than positive fuel.
I am pleased to note that you feel safe here, you are right to do so.
Dear HG,
I’m so grateful to you and your work, it helps me to stay focused, when I find myself off the path and into the woods. I appreciate the time you spend here, on YT, consultations and corresponding through emails. I don’t take it for granted and your advice and knowledge is so helpful for me and others. Thank you for all that you do. Xx
Hi HG and thank you for awning so many questions the past weeks. Dani have asked some really great questions! I’ve been reading your answers with curiosity. I want to ask you:
1. a) If the genie in the lamp granted you 3 wishes, what would you wish for? (wishing for more wishes is the only wish that is not allowed).
b) What would the Lesser Narcissist wish for?
c) What would the Mid Range Narcissist wish for?
2. May this question prove helpful when it comes to ‘out the narc’ or not?
–‐—‐————-‐——————-‐—————————-
Exposed part 1, 5 tips to out the narcissist:
https://youtu.be/SLia8nXEgj4?si=7bX7brtuftiY1ayP
Exposed part 2, 5 tips to out the narc:
https://youtu.be/ps93LvPC-j0?si=mhkfqZBflrmQtFd_
1. The implementation of my work on a world wide scale as the sole source of information about narcissism and psychopathy thus eradicating myths and misinformation along with the clowns that propagate them.
2. The power of flight.
3. The immediate demise of James Corden.
4. Lesser would depend on sub school, but it will be inward looking.
5. Mid Range would depend on sub school and would include more facade management outcomes.
6. Not especially.
Mr. Tudor—
What did James Corden (a***hole) do when he met you? I remember you saying that you had met him.
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciated.
You will have to wait and find out.
Looking forward to hearing/reading a tale of HG triumphing over a less evolved narcissist (Corden, a***hole). *Fetches tea and crumpets for HG and takes seat on stool to wait with eager expression*
Thank you, sir!
Thank you for taking the time to awnser.
Given your response I have a follow-up question: Do you prefer to die and live on through your legacy than actually being immortal?
No, I would prefer to be immortal.
HG, I made you a Sim. Would you like to see?
No.
Ha ha ha, that made me laugh!
Do me too, do me too! 🙂
—
Recently I had to see the house and garden, that my daughter had created and arranged for me (her house was next door). I didn’t like the carpet in the bedroom. Ultimately, we changed almost the entire decor, from the ground floor to the first floor. I’m terrible 🙂 The garden was great, so just replacing the sun lounger.
I spent an hour with my daughter doing nonsense – but it was an important hour, she was happy wasting time together 🙂
As for HG Sim. If every reader created him, there would probably be as many different HG Sims as there are possibilities in the game. The man of a thousand faces 🙂
Hi Joa,
Sounds like a beautiful time for you and your daughter. Xx I love gardening too, it’s very theraputic for me and it’s satisfying to see all the hard work producing beautiful flowers and greenery that brings such joy and peace to the world. Xx So rewarding and such a great feeling to share with a loved one, so happy for you and your daughter. Xx
I wish it was Spring already, love my roses, miss them so much Xx
Rebecca, since I was a small child, I marked out my little gardens with stones and planted flowers, herbs and vegetables in them.
I am also looking forward to spring. The first snowdrops, crocuses and my favorite, sweet grape hyacinths. And then the overwhelming green, white and pink of blooming trees and the yellow of forsythia 🙂
The only drawback is that after spring there will be summer and heat, which I honestly can’t stand. The optimal temperature for me is up to 22 degrees.
I prefer frost than heat. I feel like the frost preserves me and the heat accelerates decomposition, ha ha ha 🙂
PS My mother loves roses. It must be admitted, that her rose hedges are gigantic and impressive. I like to smell individual species, each of them smells different.
My favorites are fragrant large-flowered tea roses. I immerse my face in their velvety petals and drown in pleasure – unless a bug gets into my nose or eye 🙂
Joa,
I love my garden too, especially the roses. My favorite is the Mardi Gras rose bush I have, the flowers are huge, fragrant and yellow and peach colored….just beautiful…I have differnt colors that I have added to my garden, a bright pink one called a Queen Rose bush, she smells really sweet …the peonies, the magnolias, irises, and the sweet Jasmines, all have been added
…… nothing like Spring in my garden, where work is rewarding , fragrant and peaceful. Xx
Reminds me of HG’s story of his garden….one of the first I read here. I was so drawn in by HG’s description of his garden, that I wanted to read more about it, look inside the gates….Will there ever be a Part 2 to your gaden story, HG?? Xx
Hello Rebecca.
I hope this is not too strange, since I am very new here and all; but I keep seeing the roses in your icon, and I just wanted to let you know that I feel warmed and happy whenever I see them. When I saw your comment, it seemed like the perfect opportunity to let you know. ^_^ Thank you for sharing them. I too am looking forward to my flowers this Spring (but especially my Itoh peonies).
Thank you Sparrow, and I love the name….my favorite bird…I love them in my yard, looking so cute, with the little finches, blue jays and cardinals….a few doves too…..Spring, how I miss it…I’m glad you enjoyed the rose pic, can’t wait for them to fill the air with their fragrance! Xx
Candied Pansy,
You’re funny, I enjoy your sense of humour. Xx *warm hug*
Hello, Mr Tudor.
Thank you for sharing your understanding of narcissism and psychopathy. I appreciate it as my personal interactions with narcissism and psychopathy directly have been limited; yet they have undeniably and increasingly had a huge impact upon this world, and certainly indirectly upon my life.
Have you noticed that many people seem to confuse narcissistic traits with leadership capability? It seems like I see that everywhere, whether in evaluating prospective political candidates, or even in animal training/handling, for examples.
Or, do you believe that narcissistic traits lend themselves to leadership?
Thank you for your time.
Narcissistic traits can be useful with regard to leadership, however in certain instances they may also get in the way of effective leadership. It depends on the extent of the traits and their interface with other factors also.
I ask this because in my interactions with people, taking the first example, I will see people looking between two political candidates. I am not thinking of specific individuals, just collective observations over the years. Anyway, one seems relatively stable and straightforward, addressing the concerns and issues intelligently; and the other is engaged in smearing without addressing their own issues, is a known cheater, caught in lying, and puts on a loud, aggressive bravado. I have seen more and more people look at the latter type and say, I want that one. When asked why, they say that the other does not seem strong enough to lead.
I believe exactly the opposite, though. To me, it should be obvious that this person, once in power, is going to not only direct their appalling behavior towards “the bad guys” (whoever they are); they are going to use and abuse their own supporters (and everyone else), and blame it on someone else. That is their character.
It is like more and more people are turning into a teenage girl who wants the bad boy, thinking that, He abuses other people, but he will never abuse me.
This is what I am seeing: it seems like people confuse abusive and manipulative behavior with strength and leadership potential (and not always in so obvious an example).
Are uneducated (in the sense of narcissism) empaths more likely to be drawn to narcissistic political figures?
I have never seen a list of what you consider to be narcissistic traits; but, from the ones I have heard, they seem to lie on the side of selfishness. (Please correct me if I am wrong here.) We all have inherent selfishness… and I can see how someone might choose to channel that in a mutually beneficial way (or not); but, if a leader cherishes such traits, they will support the growth of them in their supporters, who will then sow more seeds of selfishness throughout the rest of the populace. I do not see how this is a desirable thing for building up (unless your strategy is to tear down to build something else). The leader may have short-term gains, but they are sabotaging their charge in the long run.
(Or… we might not agree on what selfishness is?)
On the other hand, I think that it would be easier to do the harder things that leaders must do if you cherish these traits.
Where would you consider them to be useful?
I hope that I am not boring you to death with my questions; I do enjoy hearing your thoughts. Does answering questions on this blog do anything to abate the boredom?
“Are uneducated (in the sense of narcissism) empaths more likely to be drawn to narcissistic political figures?”
More likely than what?
HG,
Are the uneducated (in the sense of narcissism) empaths more likely to be attracted to narcissistic political figures than non-narcissistic political figures?
That may be too much of a simplification, though.
Or rather, I should ask, are uneducated (in the sense of narcissism) empaths more likely to be drawn to political figures who are narcissists than to those political figures who are not narcissists?
I did not mean narcissistic in the sense the categorization of people who have empathy, but are higher in narcissistic traits.
Yes.
1. What is your honest opinion regarding Law of Attraction?
2. What are the two animated shows or movies you were referring to which you enjoy as an adult? I reckon you like South Park.
1. Sitting around expecting things to happen just because you think they will is not an effective use of one’s time.
2. Fantastic Mr Fox and Final Fantasy : Spirits Within
Okey, pushing the fainting couch back in !!! coolest duo re 2.
Hg
Your nr 1 answer I learnt the hard way. For me, action, studying and rethinking has helped immensely. In itself, praying and waiting has not.
Although I do know many ppl have turned onto a positive path by becoming religious. It has made them quit drinking, smoking or gambling.
But for me, interestingly, the opposite happened. Hoping, trying to manifest, Hail Marys, have all been about me not having the competence and skills to act in a wise way. It turns out I needed to work a lot to find solutions to my problems.
Hi Another Cat,
I read your post with interest and thought about it and what it means to me.
I’m an Atheist, so zero religion, but I have other ‘things’ I hold on to when in stormy weather.
Being religious and waiting around, doing nothing with it, will do nothing. I think the people who change their lives ‘using’ religion, use it differently. They really change, but do the work in themselves, using religion as a standard for what they want to become.
For me, this is sport.
When I’m at my worst, I smoke, drink (1 or 2 glasses of wine a day, nothing too bad), sleep too little, become lazy…. And then, one moment a switch turns on and then I’m sick of it. I grab my shoes and go running again. This always builds up to my sporty spice mode and then I’m myself again after a few months training.
Your last sentence says it all: “It turns out I needed to work a lot to find solutions to my problems.”
Some people ‘work’ with religion, I work with sport, some people use careers.
So religion can work, but it all depends on how you use it. <3
Funny fact I found out about myself in this context: I always thought I hated sport. But reality is, life was hard and I couldn't handle the struggle with myself. Now I'm older and have had more struggles in life itself, I learned how I am built, how my mind works. I know I need to lay low when things are overwhelming and when the end of the tunnel gets in sight, I know I need to pick up the momentum and fling myself in action. This way I don't 'fight myself' and actually enjoy my sports! Who knew!
Hi HG, I am wondering if you have read the book The Sea Wolf by Jack London. Have you? If you did, can you tell me what do you think about the character of Wolf Larsen and am I wrong to have a strong suspicion that he is written as a psychopath? And if I am right, is he written well? Thank you.
Hello Monika, no, I have not read that book.
“My tongue is able to reach certain places rather well, but that’s another story.”
*Allison faints on the settee, skirts and petticoats swirling.*
*fans Allison with palm leaf, sprays with cold water* me too girl
*safety warning for certain HG comments* “Warning. This comment can only be read safely in bed at night. Reading in any other setting may result in a delicate victorian constitution and lack of consciousness. Do not attempt away from a fainting couch.
Ah. Candies Pansy, that is a brilliant comment ! The reference to the Victorian “ailments” and the supposed “therapies” of such “understanding” of the human psyche, at that time.
Girls, your imagination is leading you astray!
When writing “My tongue is able to reach certain places rather well”, HG had in mind his blessed divinity – His WORD reaches every corner of the world. This is obvious and this is the correct interpretation. It’s strange, that you didn’t understand that.
Be ashamed. Perverts!
Ha ha ha 🙂
Precisely, too much time spent with sinful thoughts in their minds, purge the sinners!
Discipline me, discount daniel craig daddy!
Certainly. Remember, you wanted this.
Oh no, Candied Pansy! RUN! Xx
Nooo, on this blog there is some, incomprehensible for me, obsession with Daniel Craig – right after HG, of course! 🙂
I think the most intriguing British actor is Tobias Menzies. Unique appearance, delicate smile, specific facial expressions, tempting voice.
Yes, I like him very much. Oh shit, I felt like a teenager for a few seconds! 🙂
Dear HG,
Just read your article, ‘To Control is to Cope…’ and I had a question. Do both narcissist and empaths cut themselves to relieve pain, or is it just narcissist? The reason I ask is because my ex cut himself across the arm, deep, and then showed me like it was a badge of honor for him, but I’ve also known friends who would cut themselves lightly across their legs and arms…I was just wondering which behavior is this? Thank you for your time and replies xx
A narcissist would cut themselves for the purpose of pity play or triangulating an observer with the act.
Dear HG,
To add to my recent comment on cutting, please could you do a video on narcissist /empath and cutting? Please and thank you for your time and replies xx
Sorry HG, you mentioned your tongue and my brain stopped working, lose wifi signal and just stopped from all the images that flooded my dirty mind. Xx 😁😆
“Certainly. Remember, you wanted this.”
*Allison kneels at the keyhole, peeking in, moistening in anticipation.*
Dear HG,
I can see cutting himself ,for my ex, was a pity play attempt, to make me come back, but it backfired on him. Seeing the damage he did to himself made me realize he was dangerous to himself and me. I decided right then and there, I wasn’t going back to him. I got up and left the restaurant, being a public place, he couldn’t stop me. Got in my car and moved on. I felt it was the right thing for him because I couldn’t fix him anymore. I couldn’t help him. Xx
I sometimes worry about him, but I don’t have an urge to reach out to him. I closed that door, like I closed the door to LMRSN. I did that twice. I can do it again. Is that the Saviour part of me showing up? Defeating the CoD side of me? The two halves fighting in me. Xx
Dear HG,
An empath would cut themselves to relieve pain, am I right, HG? How can you tell if it’s from pain or a pity play? I hope you do a video on this, HG xx Thank you for your time and replies xx
Hi HG and Joa,
You both made me laugh! Xx It reminds me of a post I saw before, the simple run together words, WHOREMEMBERS, and how a person reads it. Yeah, I got Who remembers… no, I didn’t xx 😆😆
*pulling away the fainting couch😈 victorian booty needs a reality check🕳
Jordyguin,
Now we’ll just hit the floor, hopefully there’s some soft carpet! 😆😆xx
Soft carpet? No. Something much softer! 😚xx
Now see here, all of you! I am a lady! And I will not stand for this besmirching of my honor and good name! I will lie down for it, but I will not stand…*ahem*
Pistols at dawn. All of you! I will take you on all at once, in groups of 3 (or 7), or one by one if you buy me dinner first. You are not going to hurl such insults at me! Sinner? Pfft!
*Removes leather glove and strikes your slanderous but delicious cheeks in turn. Dark eyes glinting. *
I demand satisfaction!!!!!
*Stomps off, allowing a flash of black silk stockings to peek out as she lifts her crinoline just a little too high .*
Allison—
Their myriad statements are in writing…Slander is spoken…in print, it’s libel…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcM1kTZm-nM — Thank you, Mr. Jameson…teaching important lessons to impertinent superheroes!
*picks up the leather glove*
*bright eyes glinting with delight*
Dawn.
Sacré-Cœur Basilica.
Rapier.
Satisfaction?
Your wish may be fulfilled!
*tips hat at the lift of the crinoline*
Jordyguin–
Ready your sword.
“Satisfaction?
Your wish may be fulfilled!”
As you wish, Jordyguin. I understand a rapier is a thrusting instrument. This pleases me immensely. And you want me on my hardwood floors it seems. A worthy goal. I do find your manner, shall we say, intriguing. But I do possess formidable skills, and you may find yourself on your back should you bring a sword to a gunfight with my little pistol.
!!!!!😂🤣😂😚🥰
Hello there sir. Hope you are well.
I’ve noticed in cults and in the army they try to break you first before programming you. Why is this done?
By breaking you down you feel exposed and vulnerable and will automatically look to find safety. The organisation portrays itself as that safety and this exposed and vulnerable you leap at what’s offered, failing to realise what’s really going on.
It’s a little bit like being caught in a terrible storm, becoming lost, cold, exhausted, hungry and frightened you suddenly see the lights of a house ahead. Ah, sanctuary and salvation.
Except the house belongs to me.
….and the sculpture just inside the foyer foreshadows your fate upon entry
An exceptional comment,
even for being you, HG.
Out of the storm, onto the slowly turning roasting spit.
HG: “It’s a little bit like being caught in a terrible storm, becoming lost, cold, exhausted, hungry and frightened you suddenly see the lights of a house ahead. Ah, sanctuary and salvation.
“Except the house belongs to me.”
Reminds me of this: https://narcsite.com/2023/04/15/knowing-the-narcisisst-let-me-take-you-on-a-trip/
Beautiful explanation HG.
It turns out, that at my work, it’s like in a cult, ha ha ha 🙂
“You can get in here, but you can’t get out” – someone once said me about working in our company of several hundred people. Indeed, in 22 years of my work, only one person resigned and left, against whom humiliating violations.
What is wrong with it being your house? Unless you have the whole place booby-trapped, it would be a great refuge. Around Christmas one might even catch a glimpse of the legendary space tree!
“By breaking you down you feel exposed and vulnerable and will automatically look to find safety”
Why do we seek safety in the person or organisation that broke us down in the first place? Do we accept this false security as a consequence of emotional thinking or are normals also susceptible to such techniques?
You do so because you believe that individual has the antidote to the problem, having created the problem in the first place.
One last thing: my son once said to me, “ I feel uncomfortable when people thank me for my service. I haven’t done anything.” This was after he returned from Iraq where he was bombed and attacked weekly. I responded, “ Son, if you did not exist. If you and others did not join the military and get trained, we would all be China or Putnim’s bitch. They know you exist, it keeps us “ safe.” But see? His training does break down a person, or make him learn how to go to war. But he doesn’t feel “ safe” and he doesn’t look at the military as some “ guru or guru of safety”, it’s a job. If he felt it was some cult, he would espouse the accolades and scream ooh rah as a follower but he follows to do his job, his duty, to serve the nation and to him it’s no big deal. I think the vast majority feel this way. And I don’t think it’s brainwashing like a cult, I think it’s a soldier.
Hello HG,
Your comment: “You do so because you believe that individual has the antidote to the problem, having created the problem in the first place” , is a real eye-opener for me. It is brilliant, thank you. It helps to understand even better how people can remain in abusive relationships, and to understand the addiction to the very person(s) we should run away from.
Your comment reminded me of something I learnt a while back, I can see a link smehow: it is often the case that people who were emotionally or sexually abused especially when young, and developed a trauma, keep finding themselves in abusive relationships later in life; Not at all because they enjoy it, or because they are weak or stupid, but because the trauma gives the brain a once life-threatening issue to solve; it believes that by reliving a similar situation, it will manage to find the way through the trauma by being the victor in the ‘new’ situation, to overcome the status of victim when the original traumatic event took place. And if this time the ‘enemy’ can be thwarted and defeated, only then will the person be ‘cured’ and able to get on with life.
The problem, of course, is that it does not work this way.
A valid observation Isabelle.
Hi HG: I can see a cult like this but with the military isn’t it also training for war? Learn how to sleep in the cold and rain and eat meal packs, how to be tired but ready. Take command so there is order when needed to engage. And the simulation’s of war, where they create a conflict with bombs and guns and scare the troops so when they face the real thing they are ready. My son said when deployed to Iraq, the plane was silent when deployed to Austrailia everyone was joking. When bombed and attacked weekly in Iraq, he said he had training and experience so he felt ok” He was at a place where there was a huge bomb attack that were antidefense missiles used that diffused most of the bombs but some reached. It was on the news and I couldn’t stop crying. He called me to say he was ok. I said “ weren’t you scared?” He said “ my adrenaline was up but we are trained to run towards danger not away.” This isn’t running to safety. I am not sure they were broken down to feel safe like a cult but trained to deal with war so they could handle it. Maybe the feeling of safety comes from numbers or knowing you are trained and ready. That still does not explain the willingness to act despite the fear. I think that’s called courage. Somehow these young men get courage. Now I am sure you can tell I am a proud mom of a marine…. Lol cults, it makes sense but I see a distinction. And HG you once took a consult with me as I worried about my son becoming a killer and explained the military is very different. It doesn’t create narcs or psychopaths just because they are taught to kill. Thank you for your wisdom and time!
HG,
What is the name of your book that contains:
‘The viewpoints of my mind so you can gain insight into the mindset of Lesser, Mid-Range and Greater Narcissists.’
All of my books enable you to understand various aspects of the different schools of narcissist.
Indeed they do. My questions have been answered.
Thank you
Hi HG,
Ik posted some things and when I came back, I didn’t see them online. Is there something with the spamfilter or perhaps you find something wrong with my posts? If so, what is it?
Thank you!
See the rules re moderation.
I’m really not sure HG, I read them. I asked about something Vaknin stated, I asked about the doctors and your treatment, I think I’m polite…
I’d appreciate it if I knew what I did wrong, that’s all.
As I have mentioned, as per the rules, your comment may well still be in moderation.
I understood in the meantime, thank you!
Hi Brenda,
You probably didn’t do anything wrong. Sometimes Mr. Tudor will hold a question if it requires a substantial response. Then every once in awhile, he’ll answer all of the questions he was holding on to. The longer you’re on the blog you’ll begin to see how the blog operates.
I love it when HG answers all the questions. *dances in circle* It makes me so happy.
Thank you Leigh, I understand fully now 🙂
I’m quite new here and was a bit insecure. I respect this place and don’t want to break any rules. I understand now, thank you all <3
HG,
After having rewatched almost all of your videos in the last two months or so I’ve been binge watching Sam Vaknin’s videos and I’m curious what your thoughts are on his stance on empaths not being a valid label . Basically, according to him you’re either borderline, codependent or a narcissist if you end up in this kind of dynamic. I just want to know what it is in me that makes me so susceptible to narcissists when no other disorder applies to me. I have done all the tests and your empath detectors are really the only one’s that we’re able to hone in on my exact traits & vulnerabilities.
He is wrong.
Sir, I think Professor Vaknin is reading here. To just timely pick up on Candied’s – Daniel Craig discount; Daddy! And I think he called „us“ psycho-fans in one of his videos (😏Hello, Professor Vaknin🤗). Or is this a coincidence and I’m imagining things? Speaking of things – is Riddick, James Bond but in space? Lower Greater, check, check, check, except the inconsistency of being for too long on his own without any fuel, captured or exiled on different planets.
Wouldn’t be the first time that he has used my material.
Sir!!! Can we duel him, can we duel him?!!! Allison has a little pistol, I have a rapier, Pansy is a lil false flagger and Dani has ahmm… plenty of Dani?!!
I always thought that guy was an asshole. Now I’m convinced he’s a bellend.
Jordy says: “Sir!!! Can we duel him, can we duel him?!!! Allison has a little pistol, I have a rapier, Pansy is a lil false flagger and Dani has ahmm… plenty of Dani?!!”
Jordy, my head has now conjured the image of HG, dressed as Napoleon (it’s the hat…) in a tank directing his empaths against the vile forces of the YouTube Plagiarizer Squad.
I feel the job in our noble Tudorite Company best suited to me…is General Tudor’s…tea/Deutz Champagne girl…it mostly involves bringing him beverages and skipping about merrily because he needs positive fuel, too, you know. If I get really good at this most necessary task, helping ensure the lubrication of the magnificent vocal chords…someday I might be promoted to…*stars form in Dani’s eyes*…fetching the horn of ridicule. *humming “I got a dream” from “Tangled”*
Napoleon? The Duke of Wellington surely?
Okey Deutz-girl, the job is yours☝️But remember, The Duke of Wellington is riding Indominus Rex, you know. You’d need more than barber dreams to clink glasses on top of that beast with a Royal Army Tactical officer background.
Duke of Wellington…I have adjusted accordingly…You definitely should have the fancier hat with the gold braid and plume, sir. (https://www.theoldie.co.uk/article/hats-off-to-napoleon-and-wellington-justin-davies)
If you cosplayed as the head of a military force for an historical re-enactment, whom would you portray?
Thank you, sir!
Darth Vader.
Thank you, sir!
Dani: If you cosplayed as the head of a military force for an historical re-enactment, whom would you portray?
HG: Darth Vader
Well, Star Wars does take place “a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…”
Precisely.
Jordyguin,
He had the dog on the one planet, animals can give fuel too, and on the Red planet, there were other prisoners. I think Riddick wasn’t a full narc, more like narcissistic psychopath, so he could have periods of limited fuel and get by ok, much like HG does. Xx I liked those movies, I found the character interesting and I found his abilities admirable, so it’s safe to say he wasn’t normal, if I find him attractive. 😄xx
On the other planet there was nada! Narcopath back or forth, it took too long without fuel🔫 I offered you to fall on soft things, Rebecaaaaa😂 On what did you fall? What does Lower Greater mean? Repeat after me: any Greater IS a narcissistic psychopath.
I tried to like Sam, but I found him to be a waste of time. In my opinion his discussions about NPD could be found in any average psychology class or in other books, and most of the information contradicts itself.
I’m not surprised people use HG’s work. And I’m really not surprised how envious they are of HG and his fans. We are not psycho fans we are Tudorites!
😂😂😂
Hi Sonya–
Yes! Let’s fill the earth with Tudorites! My birthday’s coming up. I’ll treat myself to some swag to flash around. And I love introducing people to his work. Not in that knocking-on-doors-weird evangelistic way, but any time I hear them bring up one of these pretenders I drop a mention. Then I let The Voice take over…
Hi Sonya: I occasionally see a SV blog and watch it. I learn technical terms lol. BUT I find he has a hang up with HG! He insults empaths and HG without naming names. Sam says empaths don’t exist, they are self aggrandizing people who are covert narcs! Now he knows HGs work and that he has 100,000s of followers who are called empaths ( empathetic people) so he insults us! ChatGPT recognizes empaths as does many scientific and psychological studies. It’s one thing to say the term is wrong but to insult people you don’t know and call them names! Sam also warns “to beware of the cons with no psychology degrees who call people empaths. “ HG work is the best and to me more significant and Sam should be reading his works and citing HG as an expert. I really believe HG work should be in all psychology studies everywhere. The only interesting YouTube I saw of Sam’s was about his realization he was a narcissist. He said it was at age 4 and he felt “ kidnapped” and “trapped “ and “forever saw the world like an outsider looking through a glass. “ HG describes the formation as gradual. Anyway, Sam lost me at calling me self aggrandizing and a narc because I have lots of empathy that HG calls an empath. Sam is obviously jealous of HG. HG doesn’t mention him. I think during only one interview HG said Sam was knowledgeable but he questioned his abilities since there was some business partner who sued him or something like that. Anyway we all know any HG and Sam interview would be entertaining and who would get the upper hand in the end! Lol
One always knows you have them rattled when they have to hide behind qualifications rather than the efficacy of the work.
Your car is not working. Do you want the services of the individual who has never actually repaired a vehicle but has studied how to do it and is fresh from mechanics´school or do you want the services of someone who has no formal education or training concerning car repair but has spent 30 years successfully repairing them?
Labelling empaths as self aggrandising people who are covert narcs is intellectually lazy and wrong. Yes, as I have maintained repeatedly there are some unaware Mid Range Narcissists who think they are empaths and they bandy around their supposed empath status like a badge of honour, but there are many people who are empaths who are clearly not narcissists and nor are they self aggrandising, in fact they are invariably the opposite. Then again, you really do need to question what is going when someone gets stiffed by Richard Grannon not once, but twice and fails to see what he is.
Thank you for your loyalty and observations about my work. I have no need to have a discussion about other providers, save where a client might ask for my input as part of their consideration of the efficacy of that work. I much prefer to allow my work to speak for itself and the millions of people who have accessed it, applied it and achieved freedom and understanding tells you everything you need to know about the effectiveness of my work.
I find SV nothing more than a talking head. He’s like reading the DSM minus the colour and clarification it provides (none). I literally fell asleep many times while he droned on (and on and on).
The interest in further pursuing answers all but abandoned, I then stumbled upon Knowing the Narcissist. The very first blog article I read had me literally sit straight up and take notice. It was accurate to my experiences, engaging, and easy to understand without loads of the medical jargon SV depended on.
The subject came to life in high definition with HG Tudor as opposed to SV’s analog.
Add in the participation that was allowed between the commenters (a narcissist that allows people to discuss things that were not specifically about him or when they did not agree with him?!!!).
I have popped into SV’s space since to gauge if there has been improvement, and I have checked out other supposed “experts”, but none holds a candle to the information and atmosphere provided here.
I endorse HG’s work because I believe he provides the best format to understanding the empath/narcissist dynamic, and it is my wish that targets become empowered and that anyone who needs this information finds their way to it. To empower the empath first and always over any residual benefit HG may acquire and which I consider to be a small price for our considerable gain.
THIS is the only way you CAN win with a narcissist.
Thank you NA.
Contagious, I think that the HG – Sam Vaknin interview series could be very interesting and great!
Of course, we should reject some stupid competition, proving to ourselves and our “fans” who is better and who will win.
If these were conversations on specific topics around narcissism, the world, exchange of views, modern life – between two intelligent men, with a sense of humor (I consider them both to be such), I would watch it with bated breath. I like discussions on a more or less equal level.
Narcissists are great at working together if they have a common goal.
Or a series of videos, where a third party submits specific questions and both answers are posted.
HG and SV are the only people I respect – when it comes to narcissism.
NA, I agree that HG’s beautiful, literary form of expression resonates better with most people. The use of metaphors is very close to me, it touches deeper and stimulates ET very strongly (it allows you to practice the ejection and decline of ET).
A platform for free expression, contact and exchange of experiences is very important! Thank you HG.
However, when it comes to empowering empaths – I received it in both places. Here, I could wallow in the narcissistic mud at high ET and confess (all so close), there I achieved peace and solace – the position of an observer. Both forms are important to me and both are very interesting.
Oh, this morning, while walking the dogs, my imagination flowed. I have to write this before HG blows me out like a candle.
This could be a big event in the world of narcissistic portals and would further strengthen the already high position of both men in the context of other platforms aspiring to the position of experts on the subject.
Actually, the interlocutors here came up with an excellent idea. It could be a meeting of two self-aware Narcissists who would switch roles for a moment and become a research group of two. The topic would concern their personal reflections on the development of Narcissism. The questions would be asked by bloggers, youtubers and they would be the same to both, carefully selected, accepted by both men.
Wow, we could learn about the origins and the differences in their ways of filtering the world.
Well, one can dream 🙂
I think with time it will become difficult for SV to beat HG in this field and I understand SV’s dilemma. HG’s categorisations are a threat to control of SV’s work and I had an impression that SV wanted to try and reinvent the wheel, probably because of that. The video which I found interesting however is where SV speaks how he experiences his false self, where he speaks about himself. But when he starts speaking about narcissism and psychopathy there are no distinctions to schools and this is irritating as to how to recognise what type of N you’re dealing with, and what to expect; facade, no facade, longevity of facade, cracks of facade, dealing with threats to control and other fine specifics. But what irritated me the most is the narcissist-borderline dynamic which he described as being the favorite dynamic of a N? What is this? I found it to be a narc on narc dynamic, what he described. And the statement that N’s have no ego, because they couldn’t develop one… Reinventing the wheel.
Jordyguin, I quite often have the impression that both platforms are somehow correlated.
I even wondered if Sam Vaknin was one of the good doctors that HG works with/has worked with. For example, the HG blog could be a kind of control group – hence the free form of expression.
Sonya, Sam Vaknin a waste of time? In my opinion, certainly not. He speaks in an interesting way, I really like referring to the works and quoting philosophers, thinkers and scientists. He speaks in an accessible and sympathetic way. It raises interesting issues and stimulates further thinking and searching.
Is he really a professor? I don’t know. Information about his education is scarce. Too little data from different sites to be sure. It doesn’t matter. I think he does a good job.
—–
Abstract aside my thoughts about platform correlation and Sam Vaknin. HG wrote, that he is a project for doctors. Very interesting.
HG, is this blog also part of this project?
(I mean the statements of the “Tudorites” as case studies, not the impact of our interactions on you – I assume that this process has already been completed.)
No, he is not one of the good doctors.
Joa Tudorite☝️ now listen heeaaa! You don’t hang at his cerebral lip there ! Let me shake you back into consciousness! Bwwwrrrrrllll ! Your last name would be Vaknina 😦
I should have clarified. I found him to be a waste of MY time. He definitely has a following so obviously there are many who find him useful.
I tried watching him before I knew H.G. existed and I see no similarities in their work.
Thank you HG, although I didn’t ask about it.
Regardless of whether Sam Vaknin would be a good doctor or not – your answer would be the same.
Therefore, it made no sense to ask such a question.
Anyway, thank you for your answer. As I know myself, it will not block the way to my thoughts. And there are many paths and combinations, they are constantly shuffling 🙂
—
Do good doctors visit the blog? Have they ever used bloggers as a control group? Or maybe they’re fed up with live “material”?
Twisted Heart, it’s just a matter of nomenclature, onomastics.
A certain group of human behaviors can be described as narcissistic and empathetic.
And we can define a group of people, who are characterized by these behaviors – narcissist and empath.
I believe, that the most important thing is to consistently stick to the chosen nomenclature.
It’s quite strange to me, that Sam Vaknin (whom I also appreciate!) uses the phrase “narcissist” but does not allow the word “empath” and only mentions empathic traits.
Parity is not maintained 🙂
—–
The distinction between narcissists and empaths, used by HG, also seems to be easier for people to understand.
The only danger – and here I agree with Sam Vaknin – is the grandiose perception of narcissists and empaths as something extraordinary.
No, it’s the same term as blond or brunette. Indicating certain characteristics (physical here, personality there).
We are not super, extraordinary beings. Ordinary people. Often with minor or major dysfunctions.
Vaknin is a scientist & visiting prof in psychology. He uses language accordingly. I don’t think many practising therapists believe in empaths either. I also have reservations about the term (despite being an empathetic person myself).
That said, I do see the value in using the term, since there definitely exists a category of individuals with levels of empathy higher than average. Some of us got this way as a result of developing hyper-vigilance as a survival mechanism during an abusive childhood. Some people calling themselves empaths appear to be unaware narcissists with highly developed cognitive empathy (some, I believe, operating as coaches in the field of N-abuse recovery).
So the term isn’t in the DSM (AFAIK), and it can be used in varying ways. Yet if I were developing a classification system to describe and compare members of a population that I observed, analysed and discussed a lot, I think I’d most likely also land on the term “empath” to describe one of my key subgroups.
Thank you, very interesting statement.
In my opinion, the term “empath” is not a matter of faith, but only of nomenclature.
In the same way as “narcissist” or “psychopath”.
Consistency is very important.
If you decide to talk about traits (narcissistic, psychopathic, empathetic), talk about traits.
If you decide to highlight these features, specify them, accentuate them, distinguish them, give them a name (narcissist, empath, psychopath), use names. Even more so if you notice, that both parties take an active part in this mental dance.
I consider the HG distinction to be adequate and precise.
Twisted heart: it’s worse he calls us self aggrandizing covert narcs! I was offended. This professor who knows the DSM so well…. Please. Sam feels competition so he stoops to pop shots!
I started my quest to understand narcissists started about two months ago.
First I listened to Richard Grannon, he has a lot of interesting information and I liked that he didn’t come across as arrogant, he mentioned SV so
I listened to him and I just didn’t like him. I don’t know why, but I got bad vibes from him.
It don’t believe he could detect his narcissism at age 4. The way he described it is the same way I felt at age 5 because of my sexual abuse.
He is obviously intelligent and definitely well educated, I just couldn’t get past the vibe I felt. Then, I started hearing this crap about him not believing in empaths, that flat out pissed me off, lol. I took some psych classes in the 80’s and they used empathy in discussions. Empathy IS a psychological term:
The English term “empathy,” in fact, was coined only in 1908. English-speaking psychologists needed translations of the German scientific terms appearing in the new discipline of experimental psychology. By around 1913, “empathy” became the term of choice for the German Einfühlung, which literally means “in-feeling.” Empathy captured the ability to project one’s own inner strivings, movements, and feelings into the shapes of objects. In the early twentieth century, then, empathy was quintessentially an aesthetic impulse.
-I found this online and believe it is from Yale University.
Empathy is also used repeatedly in many spiritual teachings.
And for him to say you are a
self aggrandizing covert narc explains my bad vibe! I trust my gut feelings and knew he wasn’t right for me.
I finally came across HG and found what I was looking for. I needed to learn traits, and the way HG explains them made sense to me so I began to dive further into his work. I like his teaching methods and the depth of his knowledge and his sense of humor.
I don’t really care what the other Narc experts say, and I don’t judge people who listen to them.
l know I am right where I am supposed to be, and I plan on sticking around awhile!
And I’m getting attached to some of my fellow bloggers, you being one of them. 🧚
Sonya: I agree with everything you wrote which was excellent. Sam is intelligent and educated. I found it weird his revelation of his switch to narcissist. It was interesting as I can’t imagine it. True? I don’t know. I must clarify that he calls all empaths self aggrandizing covert narcs not just me. In fact I don’t think I ever wrote to him. I am a rare follower. I think he takes that position to undermine HGs works and as Joa said it’s just a name or a term to label a group with empathy being higher. I have read scientific reports on the differences in the brain and mirroring etc… I don’t think the term is far fetched or bad or self aggrandizing. In fact many on the blog find it troubling. I have found myself at times wishing I had not been hurt by someone and wished I was immune. It’s natural… btw I feel attached to you and others here. It’s a great group! I love the exchange of experiences and perspectives. So many here like you are intelligent and write like professors! Some are so funny! X
Interesting observations are included here.
I began to wonder, why some people find Sam Vaknin’s theses about empaths irritating, outrageous, and for some (I am in this group) not at all. I can think about it, accept it or not. And as I wrote, I believe that HG terminology is more precise, more graphic (icon system), perfectly systematized, classified (schools and cadres), easier and faster to understand. And that’s what it’s all about, understanding and thinking, right?
Back to Sam Vaknin’s claims. Personally, I am not attached to the term empath. This term may describe my characteristics (as well as schools and cadres), but it does not constitute me. However, I certainly have a tendency to exalt myself and I often have to push myself down from this high stool. That’s the truth.
—–
Why – exactly – do you feel offended, angry or annoyed, that someone denies you the privilege or label of being an empath? What is the reason for the desire to offend Sam Vaknin in return, and even somewhat defiant attitude for him?
Who can you control according to HG science? Will you be offended by something, that doesn’t concern you?
I believe there is some truth in Sam Vaknin’s claim. And I understand the danger associated with this. Simply belonging to a similarly identifying group is empowering, but it can also lead you astray. If you don’t kick this stool out from under yourself from time to time and despite the many differences between people, you won’t put an equal sign between them. The gradation is only contractual.
I also believe that in order to maintain relative objectivity and balance, more than one plane should be analyzed.
—–
Sonya, I didn’t write that HG and SV work is similar. They are two different styles. However, I very often notice that both platforms are somehow correlated – in terms of the detailed topics covered. Perhaps this is due to the narrow scope of the issue and the issues it raises, or perhaps – as HG writes – from observing the blog.
Mr. Tudor,
After reading the conversation between Dani and WhoCares regarding your blog world and social media, it spurred a thought. As a collective whole, would the bloggers and followers be considered a dirty little secret?
No as that suggests intimacy. I understand what you’re driving at though and as a collective whole that world would be a large off white secret!
Ah, I see! That makes sense. Thank you for that clarification, Mr. Tudor.
off white = industrial beige
are we HG’s sugars? I want to be coconut sugar
HA!
Mr. Tudor–
1. Did/do you have any animated shows/movies you enjoyed as a child or enjoy now as an adult?
2. If you had to own and operate a theme/amusement park, what kind would it be?
3. If riding a dinosaur was the only method of land transportation available and you had to ride at dawn (no air or sea transportation is available), what dinosaur would carry you on your travels?
Thank you, sir. Much appreciation!
1. There were ones I watched as a child. There’s two I have enjoyed as an adult.
2. A profitable one.
3. Why no sea or air transportation? Dinosaurs flew and went through the water.
Thank you, sir!
1. Which animated shows have you enjoyed as an adult, and is there one that sticks out that you enjoyed more than others as a child?
HG: Why no sea or air transportation (dinosaurs)?
I was asking about dinosaurs based on scientific classification. No fliers or swimmers (except for the still being debated Spinosaurus). I really want to know what dinosaur you would ride…please, sir…please.
2. Which dinosaur would carry you to victory?
For air/sea transport:
3. If only mesozoic era reptiles were available for transportation, which would you ride if you had to depart at dawn?
Please and thank you, sir! Much appreciation as always.
1. Answered elsewhere. Re child – I do not recall.
2. Tudorsaurus Ultra.
Thank you, sir!
Tudorsaurus ultra…sounds like one of those genetically engineered dinosaurs created in Jurassic World…I will imagine…a dragon…a cross between Smaug (intelligence) and Drogon (size and power)…
Dear HG,
I wonder what Tudorsaurus Ultra looked like.?..I’m thinking a TRex with longer and bigger arms, the better to catch his prey with. 😁xx
Rebecca,
Good job you said longer arms. This would not be a good look for the Ultra. It is however very much my sense of humour, when I’m not being sarcastic that is.
https://youtu.be/93B072j-E3I?si=Ik_ypracmqcWhGuR
TS,
😄😆😆😆 Loved the video….little arms.. had me dying….what a cute TRex 😆 Thank you, TS your sense of humour is similiar to mine and I enjoyed the laugh, thank you xx
Definitely not a Maiasaurus lol They were my favorite mommies… once dominated the Earth!
Rebecca, Truthseeker–
Yes, longer arms…but no laser targeting system attached to a gun…it just seems rather pointless…to point a gun at someone, have a laser target set, and then signal a trained animal (something intelligent and extremely dangerous) to attack that person…it’s bound to go poorly eventually and likely quite quickly…and all when the handler could have “handled” the situation…much more efficiently…I’m just sayin’
Rebecca,
It was the little arm wave that got me too. I’m glad it made you laugh. Xx
Tudorsaurus Ultra would have to be like a chameleon. The natural color of rough skin – tangerine (some researchers say red). Ability to quickly blend into any background.
Oblong muzzle, compact jaw, dark eyes almost invisible in a dark frame. Strong claws. Fast runner.
Wings – no, that would be too much, he has no wings… although he could sleep upside down wrapped in his own wings…
In any case, the Tudorsaurus Ultra certainly breathes fire and has the ability to swim in lonely, dark depths.
I’m loving your dinosaur question, Dani.
Thank you, Another Cat. What dinosaur (scientific definition of dinosaur) would you ride? What dinosaur do you imagine HG riding? 🦖 🦕
Thanks for asking, well I don’t know. I only know music. I would ride a TRex because I like Marc Bolan.
(yes, yes, he was a textbook narc)
For HG’s dinosaur I’ll go with Indominus Rex as it has the special power of camouflage to be able to blend into the surroundings.
Plus: “Though it appeared as a dinosaur, the Indominus Rex was more of a monster as it was a genetic hodgepodge of everything from a T-Rex and Velociraptor to a cuttlefish and so much more. But it also featured a strange attribute that made a huge evolutionary difference to the character. These additions led fans to speculate about the possibility that the Indominus Rex may have been formed with some human DNA.
With the DNA of a Velociraptor in the mix, it also had a heightened intelligence bolstered by the modern predators that made it up. As a result, it used its skill to outsmart any that hunted it and even turn a pack of raptors against their alpha. Though it had the size of a T-Rex, its longer arms also gave it an evolutionary advantage as it could grab and claw with ease, making it the perfect killing machine.”
Jordy, there was definitely some Navy sonar technician or Royal Army Tactical officer in that “dinosaur.”
This “dinosaur” understands thermal tracking technology, how to hide from it, and that it should hide from it as a ruse to escape its enclosure…also it knows that there is a tracker inside it…and that it should remove the tracker…Indominus rex is basically magical.
Also, regarding the raptors turning on the alpha…it was established at the beginning that it rarely ended well for the pig they were “hunting.” So how in control of the raptors was their “alpha” at the start of the mission to hunt down Indominus?
Well, they were all narc raptors, so they all were in control. All used different assertions of control. 🤓
My narcissist always leaves subtle clues that she is with someone else. We have broken up but like making her Venmo public while tipping her “bikini”waxer, so I know when she’s intimate with someone. Which is often ! Leaving clues in pics etc. while maintaining a holier than the virgin facade she still leaves me clues to torture me almost saying “ haha look at me having all this sex” but all while mantaining that she was pure and she left me bc i was just so jealous and making things up. I know im not crazy, I know she was very promiscuous and had sex with anyone that looked her way, men or women. The question is, does she purposely send out those clues to hurt me? She’s definitely an interesting case of a somatic probably lesser midrange who uses drug, probably a sex worker, and yet insists on a facade of a spiritual caring person. By the way she’s so low class, brash and promiscuous id say she’s a lesser but the facade of a holy angel who cares so much and is so spiritual throws me off a bit for a lesser. She’s so obsessed with maintaining that spiritual facade, the angel who is always there for everyone, she has even volunteered in church lol
I’ve been reading a book recently called ‘The Passions.’ In one section it describes different emotions.
Hope is described by the author as a ‘passive anticipation of a positive fortune, beyond one’s control but always possible.’ It goes on to characterise it as requiring no responsibility on one’s own part, to ‘get what one desires without necessarily doing anything.’ It calls it ‘compensation for lack of power’ but generously adds that it’s a strategy for keeping afloat in uncertain times.’
HG, you are critical of hope. Is this partly because it’s a passive stance that gives up agency? It relies on things just happening with no contribution from us. We just wait for something good to happen without taking any real steps to make it happen?
In situations truly beyond our control it would be a strategy that could keep us psychologically afloat, but in any situation where our actions could make a difference focusing on hope is simply creating an illusion that we are participating and doing something when we are not doing so at all.
Your observations are accurate. Action is superior to hope.
Sir, I just finished reading „Manipulated“ (it is fantastic!!!) and the closing chapter on hope. I found the last paragraph extremely powerful! And it as well connected the dots for me on one particular instance from my childhood, where I relied on hope instead of action and it almost cost me my life in a unfathomable way. Even though it was a situation beyond my control, and still fear and hope worked in unison and paralyzed the necessary minimal action in those crucial moments I still could and should have taken. Something outside of my control protected me back then whilst fear and hope would have driven me in the wrong direction completely.
Action is definitely superior to hope from minor to major decisions.
Hello HG:
Will you be doing a series on what creates an empath and why? If I missed it, please direct me. I would be happy to purchase. My gratitude always.
Yes.
Contagious: “Will you be doing a series on what creates an empath and why?”
HG: “Yes.”
I think that’s going to be a fascinating series, sir. I will eagerly await it…
HG,
Looking forward to the new series, thank you. Xx
Super! I’m really glad. I will also be waiting for this series.
Contagious: Will you be doing a series on what creates an empath and why? If I missed it, please direct me.
HG: Yes.
I have so many questions about this, sir.
1. Are there general circumstances regarding which cadres come about for the empath?
2. If yes to 1, would you discuss what brings about a majority for each of the five cadres: Carrier, Geyser, Magnet, Martyr, and Saviour?
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciated as always!
You will have to wait for the material.
I hope that the series about the creation of the empath is coming soon. It’s got me all a flutter. My brain is percolating questions.
I hope that you’ll discuss empaths who come from normals, from empaths, and from narc/narcissistic families. (as per your excellent classifications), which are the most common scenarios for each majority school, what role do genetics play, can someone be almost an empath and something happens that turns them to a normal, you’ve mentioned the emotional empathy for an empath can be permanently damaged…would the empath detector still return the empath result if the empath did suffer permanent damage to their emotional empathy…need more data…
I will stop now…if I get on a roll…you know how I get, sir.
Thank you, sir. Much appreciation. Looking forward to it. Will be so interesting.
“Hope without action is like a bird without wings, inspiring but unable to soar; action without hope is like a rudderless ship, moving but without direction.”
Contagious,
Yes, you have to be hopeful of the outcome, othwrwise you’re too scared to move wrong and make mistakes. I’m holding onto hope, without it, I’m too afraid to move forward. Xx
Rebecca: Hardships can be paralyzing but you are never as strong as when you have to be! Reach deep my friend and keep hoping! X
And FAITH. If not in a higher power, in yourself. You were once a happy woman without this BS and you will be again! Swords up Empath!
Dear Rebecca:
Also we both married a middle lesser and HG did a great lesson on “ fake crisis”. For me, my ex is not doing the things he should. It’s a genuine crisis. I told him that “no one should do for others what they should do for themselves.” “ God helps those who help themselves.” “ You are the master of your own ship.” “ Get mental health support, it’s available to you” ( it is as he is in a homeless shelter) and “get a job. Most people work to live, not live to work. You need money so you need to work.” As he is fed and sheltered, I won’t help. All my comments annoy him so we don’t talk a lot. We are “ friends” and I can enjoy many things about him but I can take or leave it. I will not let him control me or change my life. I like my life. If I never hear from him again, so be it. I always believe that it’s Gods plan, let God handle it. My own belief… and that if he leaves forever, and I never hear from him again then so be it as he is not worthy of my friendship then. Never was. What amazes me is his ability to live in crisis. It’s astounding.! This inability to change no matter what the circumstance to stubbornly hold on to antiquated beliefs or past perceptions versus “Go forward and do what’s needed to change your life!” I mean what is rock bottom to him? Really? He called me after a blow up with his mad mum. He was kicked out of the house and subjected to a mental evaluation. He passed. He is not a threat to anyone and although he mentions suicide on occasion, it’s been long enough since we split (6/13/19) that I don’t believe it. Plus to me, it’s the worse manipulation and we are powerless to stop it. I don’t think it’s in my ex but no one can ever know. He is “sober” 8 years giving up alcohol for pot. Pot is better in some ways. But nothing should be abused. I bet you “ get it”. Why live in a state of misery when you can change it?! And don’t give in… don’t let him pull you into his self created misery, it’s not your fault or problem to fix. If necessary, seek a consult with HG before he sucks you in. Sometimes the best we can do is love ourselves and love another away from them. Love doesn’t end because you removed yourself from abuse. If like me, you can keep a very safe distance and just pray for them. HG says no contact, not gray rock as it’s still a waste of time….a risk…. but for me, if dealing with a narc, I am civil and kind while keeping a safe distance including geography ( mine is in the UK, I am in London) but even with neighbors, I take the high road… I will be civil but disengaged from anything more. With work, as long as they don’t get in my way from succeeding, I don’t give a shit. It’s business. And I am good at standing up for myself and dealing with others. I am a warrior when I must be for the right cause. With a certain family member ( I don’t know if a narc or not but I don’t like what he did) , I will send presents to their kids and I will send short texts but I avoid conversation otherwise. I feel I am a purist. Once I know, I give it up to God. Again my personal preference… but I keep my actions brief and kind. It makes me feel better about myself. HG may disagree. Probably does lol. HG may have different advice and I respectfully leave it to you and I respect any decision made as it’s your life but I wanted to share just in case anything I said helps! Xxx
Thank you Contagious xx I appreciate your kind words of hope and faith. Xx I’m hoping I can make this plan work, this time. Just this once! Xx
Good day Mr Tudor et al,
It does appear that you do have a handle on narcissists, psychopaths, empaths, etc. How does one know if one is am empath or narcissist? At times I think I may be an empathy. At other times I think I may be a narcissist. I am aware that you offer testing. Which test would be appropriate for me? Thank you.
Utilise the empath detector which you will find in the detector section of the menu bar.
1- Why did Taylor Swift snub Celine Dion and kept idolizing Lana del Rey? Triangulation? But why was Celine painted black ?
2-Why did she not mention her beau on her thank you speech? Intentional to provoke him?
3-Why did she announce her new album date release? many thought it was tacky
4- why did she act so childish towards her producer when they won album of the year?
1. Why was Celine Dion painted black? Have you heard her music?!
2. Provocation.
3. Residual benefit.
4. Facade management.
Mr. Tudor,
In order to further my understanding of narcissism, I have a question regarding the “gums flapping” conversation.
Rebecca was upset by that comment. You told her to get a grip.
Was the twin lines of defense used here? Denial – You didn’t hurt her Deflection – Its her fault for misunderstanding your observation.
Thank you for your time.
Her upset was not a threat to my control. My comment telling her to get a grip maintained my control.
Thank you for clarifying, Mr. Tudor.
Asking again here because I’m not sure if you didn’t answer because I put these questions in the wrong thread.
1. Has the Matrinarc remarried, or taken any ipps’s since your father passed? (I know, nauseating to think about, my apologies )
2. Did she have any affairs during her marriage to your father?
3. How does she treat her grandchildren? Are they shiny golden children, or drab disappointments?
4. If there is more than one grandchild, are they viewed the same way?
5. Does she use your childless status as a way to express disapproval of you?
Thanks HG!
1. No. No.
2. Yes.
3. Both.
4. See above.
5. Yes, it does not work.
Ugh, the Matrinarc is the worst! Thank you for your reply.
I always feel as though I’m impolitely prying when I ask questions about your family, and I try to refrain from bombarding you, but my curiosity when it comes to this topic is absolutely insatiable!
K@, great questions and great that HG responded.
Yes, I also feel this unhealthy interest in HG family 🙂 Family says a lot about a person. By getting to know the family, you begin to understand the causes, not just observe the effects.
Human is a product of his family – physically, mentally, emotionally. In a very wide range.
If I hadn’t been married to a narcissist for 15 years I would accuse you of liking Doug from dazed but not confused. I would say you really are his friend and are lying about not being attached to anyone. But I was married to a possibly lower mid-ranger.
She never formed proper friendships and wasn’t attached to me at all. if you’re of her ilk but even more extreme,where you’re saying you’re also a psychopath then yes, I believe Doug isn’t really your friend and you have no genuine emotions for him.
When being interviewed by a stranger you are able to have that Smaug voice. But when talking to Doug you sound more human, affable etc. so it’s really close to a genuine friendship 🙂
That is the Imitation Game.
but weren’t you relatively fond of Doug, in a “what a good appliance” way? like “this one has my approval more than others” or at least a lack of contempt
Mr. Tudor–
I greatly appreciate all you provide to us here. It is a great benefit and education to all those who utilize the multiple avenues of learning you created. Readers can enjoy your articles, all of which are excellent and provide room for stimulating conversation with you and other commenters. They can ask questions. They can read conversations from years past and learn from them. Even the occasional bad player is an educational moment that you use to benefit the Tudorites. People can watch how it plays out in real time.
What I find invaluable is the opportunity to look back and reflect upon words and actions, particularly after taking into account that vast quantity of HG knowledge provides gratis. A person can ask, if they approach with an open mind and absent emotional thinking, ‘what was I thinking when I wrote that?’ ‘where did that come from?’ ‘Did I cause unnecessary emotional pain through my choice of words?’ ‘Did I have a goal?’ ‘Was my goal accomplished?’ ‘Were the consequences helpful or detrimental to my intended point?’ Others’ responses can be read to answer some of those questions, depending on the nature of the conversation. A fresh outlook is within our grasp moving forward.
If a person still agrees with what they wrote and thinks that what they said was helpful, that’s that. If someone concludes that their words/behaviours were counterproductive to their goals in that interaction, hopefully, the next time they’re in a similar situation, they will consider a different approach. Subsequent visits give a person the chance to read each word again, with calmness and, with a little more HG knowledge in mind, logic.
The advice for how to deal with a narcissist is very much front and center, and this is the work of your legacy. The gold that is equally priceless and precious (to me) and more than worth “panning” through your YouTube channel for is the advice for how to deal with people who are thinking emotionally as opposed to logically. Your firm stance on people scheduling consultations to get answers on such matters, so you get all the relevant details you need to give them the best help available demonstrates the import of understanding the facts and feelings involved is something I have found quite comforting in its own way.
Thank you for all that you do, and thank you for the chance to “flap my gums,” sir. Much appreciated.
You are welcome.
Dear A Victor, Anna, Dani, Sonya and anyone who I may have missed,
Thank you all for your comments, good or not so good I appreciate them all.
I do understand that most people come from a place of care and concern and for that I am truly grateful.
I do read all of your comments but unfortunately I too have an issue with being unable to reply to certain ones.
I also cannot reply while I am at work due to the nature of my job, so I would ask that you bear with me please.
Thank you all 🤍
Thank you HG ❤️❤️❤️
Carole,
I apologize if I sounded judgmental I absolutely do not judge you or anyone else who has been trampled by a narcissist. I can understand why you love HG, he is intriguing and very kind toward us. I just didn’t understand why you would want to marry him because of who he is. I know he didn’t ask to be a narcissist psychopath, I also know he is incurable and is not able to return one ounce of the love you deserve. I am more concerned about you being in the clutches of another narcissist due to your love of HG.
I believe that those of us that made comments were out of concern for you even those who sounded harsh.
Dear Sonya,
Thank you for your kind words, I appreciate it. It was not any of your comments that I was referring to.
I understand that for most my desire to be with HG is incomprehensible, however the point I was trying to make was that no one knows me personally, what I have been through in life, what I have seen in my career, what my needs and wants are.
I understand that life would certainly have its challenges with HG but they are ones that I am prepared to take, I know what HG is and to a certain degree, I know what to expect. HG’s work is educational and I now see the narcissist, I do not want to be entangled in a romantic relationship with another one, I would rather remain alone, that said, HG has been honest about his diagnosis and therefore I feel that I could accept his behaviours and what would be metered out to me, I hear some of you screaming… why would you ? my reply, because I am me and that is how I feel.
I do accept and appreciate that you all, or certainly most of you come from a good place, caring and concerned about my life, health etc. and I thank you for that but HG makes me happy, I know that this happiness will come to an end at some point, after all it is not as though my dreams will ever come true, HG repeatedly says that he keeps his private life and blog world separate.
Thank you Sonya for taking the time to chat and enquire about the way I feel 🤍
Thank you HG ❤️❤️❤️
Of I care about how you feel 😊
@carole
HG has said he doesn’t tell his IPPS what he really is because it’s a threat to his control. If he were to marry you, you wouldn’t even know he was a narcissist so by the time he decided to switch up on you and start hating your guts, and start cheating on you with your sister or your father, your brother in law or your granny, and then tell you the sex with them is better than with you, you would be totally unprepared.
Narcissists wear many masks and blog HG is not the same as relationship HG. To think, you in anyway know what you’re in for or know how you would be able to handle it if it happened is wishful thinking and not based in reality. In your mind you have complete control over the fantasy, in reality you would have no control. We don’t need to know you personally, to know that.
@witch
HG would have a problem with my sister and father, both are ashes, but thank you for your concern.
@Witch So what if that’s true?
IHave you seen this world?
We all get one life, and who says everyone must spend it by staying a prisoner of whatever stark reality they are experiencing.
Allow people to live in whatever state of mind makes them happy.
As long as it’s not hurting anyone else, there’s nothing to be gained by slapping someone across the face with facts that they are already aware of.
“We’re here to discuss the reality of narcissistic dynamics, I just want to save her from potential abuse” yadda yadda yadda.
This situation is different, and you know it.
It’s the equivalent of pushing a “self-destruct” button, to put it in the harshest possible terms, and even then some people will knowingly be drawn to do so for multiple unknown reasons, including trauma. In this case, ignorance is not the reason, though I doubt once you have been put through your paces, Carole, you would find the experience as fulfilling as you imagine right now. A fantasy far removed from reality, and I hope you find the wherewithal to learn to love yourself back to a positive reality. To wish ourselves into a narcissistic relationship is to desire a very negative reality with no light at the end of the tunnel.
@Witch I completely agree. You gave words to my thoughts.
For one to say, I can handle the abuse, this is an illusion. It’s not like ‘I’ll wait out the bad mood, I know what it is, this will end’
Because then you’re not giving the Fuel! So, the abuse shall intensify until you break and are hurt so bad and so genuine, that the Fuel starts coming. And for that you can not brace yourself. Perhaps another narcissist of psychopath can, because they don’t feel like we do.
Or perhaps somebody mentally ill who loves sadism on themselves?
Interesting hypothesis though.
HG, can you tell us if we are on track or totally wrong?
@muggy juggy
“ We all get one life, and who says everyone must spend it by staying a prisoner of whatever stark reality they are experiencing.”
That wasn’t what I was suggesting.. the comments that were made suggested a lack of discernment between fantasy and reality.
You can have a fantasy and know it would never work in reality and that’s fine.
In my fantasy Prince Nuada is my husband but I know he doesn’t actually exist.
So whatever you think I’m suppose to know or should know was not what was actually stated. I can read
Re: „HG would have a problem with my sister and father, both are ashes.“
One can be triangulated with a fossil should the fuel-needs or alleviation of boredom demand it. Death is no barrier to triangulation and manipulation… But it’s not even a consideration in my mind that you, or any other client, fan, or supporter would ever be subjected to this by the Ultra.
A client of Mr. Tudor is either a tertiary source or NISS who serves a purpose of the extension of the legacy related to education on N/P.
The spheres are distinct. Otherwise this section of the legacy wouldn’t turn out successful.
Mr. Tudor wins if you win.
Your win is your sobriety.
The build of defense mechanisms against manipulations and staying away from narcissists.
This is the contrary: Yay! I feel that I could accept his behaviour and what would be metered out to me. I am prepared to take on the challenges, I know what HG is and to a certain degree, I know what to expect. I do not want to be entangled in a romantic relationship with another one, except HG…
This⤵️
Savoy Truffle says: December 15, 2023 at 02:12
3) Most (probably all) of your clients have been victims of narcissists. Which means they are basically prey to someone like yourself. Are you ever tempted to prey upon any of your clients? I don’t think you would act upon it, mind you. But you are still a predator. I wonder if you ever find yourself thinking “Mmmm, empath! ” in the middle of a consultation.
HG Tudor says: December 15, 2023 at 15:23
3. No because that’s what a stupid narcissist would do and I am not stupid.
‘I understand that life would certainly have its challenges with HG’
Had to laugh at that sentence because of the understatement that it is.
Considering his blog is about what a bad boyfriend he is. LOL
I could never be with a narcissist woman and would only consider dating lovely empaths.
Although I do see that empaths are obviously what every man wants and women can be drawn to toxicity a lot more than men are. But still.wow.
‘Although I do see that empaths are obviously what every man wants’
From what I’ve seen both men and women can be very drawn to narcissists and find themselves uninspired by empaths. They don’t want the mistreatment but they want the benefits.
‘and women can be drawn to toxicity a lot more than men are.’
I think the draw (for both women and men) is excitement. Toxicity, once it becomes apparent, is tolerated. Financial constraints can make someone more tolerant of toxicity (and this can apply more to women) as can co-dependence, which likely affects both genders.
‘Considering his blog is about what a bad boyfriend he is. LOL‘
This made me chuckle.
@annaamel
Luckily I find empaths to be very attractive, inspiring and influential. I wish that more saw that in themselves instead of needing to hear it from narcissist.
I view my addiction to narcissists as a disorder, a psychological disturbance that is dangerous to me and those around me. Narcissists mimic us and that is part of what makes them attractive. If you strip them down to the bones, you’ll find that they are predictable and even…pathetic. But they will never know that because they are delusional.
Now when it comes to psychopaths, I will admit that they are far from pathetic. I believe that the psychopathy is what allows HG to have more control over his narcissism but then it also means the psychological abuse is potentially worse.
I believe that my stronger trait of pride is what allows me to be attracted to empaths. If empaths are unattractive and uninspiring then so am I and I can’t have that.
You all win !
I’ll walk away.
Goodbye Mr Tudor.
We still can see you, cheeky empath! Lurking around the corner, blowing kisses to Mr. Tudor. Sticking your tongue out at us and pointing to the sky where Leela’s new/old profile picture is displayed across the firmament.
How fogged do you think we are?! You only leave when it’s „either you die or we die“.😘
“(…) what a bad boyfriend he is”. Of course HG is a bad boyfriend! One, he is very much not a boy, and two, he is not aiming to be a friend to the relevant IPPS. If he was, it would be impossible to find a better (boy)friend. As to the “lovely empaths”, other opinions are available.
Dear Carole:
I get it. HG on this blog is an intelligent father figure and as entertaining as Orson Wells. Have you listened to how he treats women? HG is very honest. Why do you think that you would be any different than a woman he married or dated for years? Do you think you would be spared because he is professional, educational, helpful, reliable and even appears kind in his professional capacity? You say no one knows you personally but you don’t know HG personally. We all have fantasies. The men we think of before our head hits the pillow but I will say it again fantasy can be better than reality. With that said, you are a grown woman who has the right to think, say and do what you want. You are the master of your own ship. I don’t worry about you as we all have the right to our own decisions and I wish you luck! If HG ever reciprocated your intentions, I would add you will need it. But hey, my best to you always! I wish you well!
Contagious,
I had decided not to respond to any further posts, however I do want to thank you for your kind words.
I do understand what you and most others are saying and I do appreciate your support 🤍
@Jordyguin
If your comment about ‘lurking around the corner, blowing kisses to Mr Tudor’ was to me, then I will leave if and when I am ready to, not when you or anyone else determines that I should.
I have walked away from one narcissist and I can and will do it again if I have to, but when I decide.
I understand what HG says about a narcissist owns you until either you or they die, and while that may be true in their heads, it certainly isn’t the case for me, it can be done and HG’s great work is testament to that.
I will continue to gain knowledge from HG unless he requires me to leave, then and only then, I will do so.
As for sticking my tongue out at you all… absolutely not, firstly I am not that childish and secondly, it would be a waste of time.
This whole thing blew up way out of proportion, it was time for it to stop, that’s all.
You call narcissism a coping mechanism. Was this coping mechanism genetically determined or environmentally selected?
See “What Makes a Narcissist”.
Cool! One tiny issue I have with the claim of there being a genetic predisposition. Most of these studies are based on twin studies, which are sketchy, and extremely fallible. Working off the assumption that the twins environments are the same when in the same household, is well, a huge leap of faith to make a claim that any kind of human behavior has a genetic predisposition. Did they (government scientists) find the narcissism gene when they mapped the Human Genome?
Human behavior is a product of our environment but is also defined by our history. If you control an animals food, water, shelter, or material luxuries, and make it to where they have to play by a certain set of rules to attain those things. All you have to do is change the rules and the behavior adapts to the new rules, rather quickly too. It’s actually really interesting to see just how quickly that works. 😉
In the future if you could recommend reading material over videos that would be great! I prefer decoding written words not images. It feels a little like we are going backwards with language. Decoding images already happened to form written words. It makes no sense to go backwards unless you enjoy endulging the intellectually lazy. I assume I can find a vault of all your works in writing on the site? I’ll check there. Thanks.
If someone claims that HG’s videos require decoding images and are indulging the intellectually lazy, it seems to me they must have been too lazy to actually watch any.
Hi dillonspangler4:
This blog is best for written work;) lots here! Best wishes!
Hello HG,
Do you have any insights on Histrionic Personality Disorder? Specifically, do you think a need for fuel drives their attention seeking behavior, or is the need for fuel limited to NPD?
HPD is just a different flavour of NPD.
I just finished a very interesting seminar from Vaknin on YouTube and he states also that cluster B is probably all the same thing but with different flavors. I’m inclined to support that.
I have a bit of a problem that he also states that you can become a narcissist later in life after for example trauma, and that is called ‘secondary narcissism’. I think that would be by your lexicon that someones narcissistic traits would become (very) strong and empathy erodes because of the hurt that one was going through.
That last part, I can imagine to be true. After my break up I became more selfish (except for my children and best friends) and after the dust settled I decided: That is no way to go through life so I made the choice not to stay that way. People deserve trust, empathy, only I need to be more careful who I allow in.
So interesting to learn through your video’a and the ones from Vaknin. Not only about narcissm but also about yourself and how this affects you, and vice versa.
Thank you for that!
Thank you HG! Half the confusion around cluster b is the ambiguous, overlapping definitions. Either you have emotional empathy or you don’t. And either you need fuel or you don’t. These are the only delineators, is that correct HG?
In essence that would be correct.
Anne,
Thank you for bringing this up. I have Bi-Polar disorder and the ED results showed I am an empath. I have always been an empath, sometimes when my moods are cycling my narcissistic traits are heightened. Now that I understand how empathy can become eroded by a narcissist I think the same applies to my mood cycles.
There may not be scientific proof, but this is my experience with cluster b and being an empath.
Hi Sonya, thank you for sharing your experience. Finding HG and the people on this forum has been so enlightening in so many respects.
Just clarifying, the meaning is that this is your experience of being around a person with a Cluster B disorder, and being an empath.
Intermittently I am unable to reply to individuals I am conversing with. I am able to see what they are asking me but cannot reply back.
What am I doing wrong?
Sonya, if you are writing directly on the website https://narcsite.com/ and the “Reply” icon is missing, you should move from the post, you want to reply to, along the vertical (invisible) line up – to the first available “Reply” icon.
The answers work on a chart/tree basis. Something like an organizational chart.
There is a set level as to how many planes in the WordPress dialogue allow a direct reply. Here on KTN the first four levels (I think) have the reply option. When you pose a new question (as you did here), we see a new box on the page, where the text is all the way on the left. When someone answers, their text is then placed one step to the right (or one press of the tab key), that is the second level or branch, if you like. When you reply to that, you get to the third branch and the text moves another step to the right. When the back-and-forth reaches the fifth branch and beyond, there is no direct reply option anymore. Nothing to do with you doing anything wrong, it’s just the technical setup.
Anna, then you reply in the first “Reply” icon at the top and it will appear in the right place, even if it was the fiftieth message in the thread.
HI Sonya,
When replying directly on narcsite.com it stops allowing responses to comments within a certain thread. That’s why there won’t be a reply button underneath. I’ve found its easier to respond to those specific comments in WordPress. Have you created a wordpress account yet? WordPress can be tricky but there’s always a reply button under every comment. Hope that helps.
The main disadvantage of WordPress is the lack of translations. Not useful for non-English speaking (linguistically lazy*) people like me.
However, you can easily reply from the website – replying to the primary post at the top and skipping the “tails”.
—–
* Although today – ATTENTION – I wrote a few simple messages to my daughter on Messenger in English (she thinks and uses English better than her native language – shameful!) and… she replied ironically: “Unbelievable! I understood you!”
Ha ha ha 🙂
So, whether you like it or not, you learn something by writing here, also in this regar 🙂
Hi JOA,
I enjoy your post and I understand them, you write beautifully, better than I could do in another language. Xx
Rebecca, the difference between me and my daughter is that, in addition to knowing English, she actually thinks in the language. So much so that sometimes, when she talks to me, especially emotionally, she inserts English words, because she can’t find the right words in our native language. This deficiency used to worry me, but I got used to it, this tendency is visible among young people. Her vocabulary is still greater than that of an average teenager – thanks to her mother, who guessed her thoughts and gave her the right words 🙂
I can only think in my native language. Once, also in Russian, but unpolished – it died.
When it comes to English, I remember words involuntarily. I write in my native language and use Google Translator (Polish-English). But since many words, in both languages, have double or even triple meanings, and many words are used in various contexts, that fit in one language but not in the other – I am forced to paste each text in English through a dictionary (English-Polish) again and check the resulting structure. Sometimes, come out completely stupid things and I feel irritated, because it doesn’t reflect my thoughts. So I open subsequent dictionaries and check poorly selected or suspicious words in English contexts – intuitively selecting those that will fit best and, of course, checking the connections. It happens that I get stuck on one sentence for 15 minutes, ha ha ha 🙂 For example, yesterday I was commenting on one of HG’s videos on YouTube and I got stuck on a tin of beans – choosing between “a can of beans” and “a tin of beans”. I had to check contexts, uses, meanings, distinctions. It took about 3 minutes, just because it’s a simple two-word structure. But yes, today I remember the words “tin”, “can” and “beans” 🙂
It’s great that today we have the opportunity to write in any language we need – thanks to imperfect but invaluable electronic translators (and AI).
I must admit, that I also started using the skills, I acquired here on the blog, at work. I thought it would be good to publish some messages also in Ukrainian. I used similar methods to those used here and I managed to reach the people I wanted to reach with information, even though I don’t know the Ukrainian language – apparently I managed it flawlessly 🙂 Besides, there are also many other things, that I learned here and use at work, in private life – and they do not concern narcissism.
As for the messages to my daughter, I constructed them without using a dictionary, hence her reaction 🙂 Sometimes it happens, that she reads something aloud in English and I translate it into Polish. I understand only some phrases and words, and I make up the rest – so that it turns out completely different, stupid and funny. I love it, when she bursts into laughter and shouts out the correct meaning of sentences to me, in between bursts of laughter. I am happy to give her a sense of pride and superiority – which she undoubtedly has over me in this respect. Everyone needs a little satisfaction in life 🙂
This is another thing, I received from this blog – our linguistic tussles became an additional thread, that allowed me to reach and influence my teenage daughter at a time, when she really needed it. At a time, when we moved away from each other and it was difficult for us to “touch” each other. Millions of threads, that connected us before, have been broken, torn out, burned, trampled. We only had a few threads left and I was so fucking depressed, somewhere between thinking, that I had failed as a mother and that I was selfish or a hopeless person. The harder I tried, the faster the threads broke.
Oh, how good it is now. How gently. How pleasant. How thick is the thread of understanding. The mesh of threads is no longer as tight as it was when she was a child. But it is quite stable and the flow has changed; used to be only “up → down”, now is “left right”. This is an amazing evolution in mother-child and child-mother relationships.
My god, my thoughts were flowing again, even though I wanted to reply with three sentences to also touch on another topic.
Rebecca, two days ago I wrote a very long message to you (and even translated it, ha ha), but in the end I decided not to publish it here and disposed of it. This happens to me quite often, when just writing makes me exhaust and extinguish the topic that excites me – or, as in this case, I decide that I have no right to interfere with someone’s life. The response was very personal, on an emotional level. Now, from a distance, I will just briefly write that when someone blackmails (your husband) or burdens (your friend) another person with their thoughts about suicide, in addition to the fear and concern that appear at the first moment, the dominant feelings, circulating within me, are rage and contempt. I know, how I would react in this situation and my reaction could be shocking to some people or considered cruel. But in my opinion, the only right path in the case of people “on the edge” – and I write this as a person, who has experienced four suicides in the family (over 2 generations). Rebecca, don’t take responsibility. Express your opinion briefly, help in any way you can help – and step aside. Don’t turn your back, but stand firm in your position and repeat it as firmly as a mantra (you have already offered financial help). Don’t drown in it emotionally, don’t run to someone’s call, don’t save someone. If someone wants to kill themselves, they will do it anyway. And if you interrupt, he will try again and again. Mostly, however, it is just idle talk or a momentary crisis and a momentary need for self-pity.
That’s all I can write – from my perspective. But, even though you write openly about yourself, I am not in the middle of this cyclone. And most importantly – I don’t know how much you still have feelings for your husband and how ready you are to overcome your fear of facing life’s obstacles on your own. Everyone knows for themselves when they are ready, when the “for” and “against” balance weighs so much, that it determines us to enter a situation that scares us. Sometimes it happens slowly, sometimes it’s an instant spark, and sometimes we come to the conclusion that staying in an unfavorable environment will be more beneficial for us – at this moment. Every choice has consequences, that we must bear – no path is easy.
I wrote too much again, even though I would rather do something different. If it were possible, I would emanate a short, warm, firm embrace towards you and say:
– “Hang in there, Rebecca. Breathe evenly, keep your distance, look calmly at what life brings you. Whatever it is, it’s only temporary.”
– “You don’t have to struggle and pass the (life) test with the highest grade. Average ratings are also good. But you can also survive bad assessments (of yourself) and move on. Maybe a high note will happen again soon. Sometimes it’s better, sometimes it’s worse, and that’s okay. Calmly, carefully, Rebecca – as much as possible in this whirl.”
Hi Joa,
It always astonished me how accurately you conveyed your thoughts even though English isn’t your first language. You put a lot of work into it. Thank you! I often find your words comforting.
Leigh, I never learned English, I didn’t need it for anything. It was only here, on the blog, that I started to learn it on my own. It’s probably not even entry level.
This is the magic of digitalization 🙂
I am glad, if my writing brings some benefit to someone. I am also learning here – in many many aspects.
I’ve tried, I don’t understand WordPress either. For now I am able to reply so I shall enjoy it until it acts up again. Lol
Thank you very much for your help!
Hi Leigh,
I finally made a WordPress account, and find it to be the most annoying and difficult method of site management I have ever utilized.
Thank you for your help, it took a lot of my irritation away but I’m still mad at the situation, lol
Hi Sonya,
Yes, WordPress has its own quirks too. I often don’t get the notifications that someone has responded. I have to be my own detective, unfortunately. I do find it a bit easier to respond in WordPress though instead of directly on the blog.
Sonya
Re: Replies
You did nothing wrong, it’s just that when there is a lot of gum flapping, we run out of reply buttons. I find it best to address the person as I did you to ensure your reply is allocated correctly.
NarcAngel–
You make me laugh!
Laughing is good. Healthy even.
Okay, lol 😂
Hello cant remember,
I was unable to apply directly to your reply. The meaning of what I said is my based on MY experience of MY experience as a sufferer bi-polar disorder and an empath, confirmed by the ED. I cannot make assertion of other people’s empathy and bi-polar connections.
It is important to clarify what I meant.
Hi HG!
I’m not sure where to put this question and because I think more people might be interested, I’ll put it here 🙂
I do have some trouble with the YouTube algorithm but I try my best.
I really enjoyed the interviews with Doug and I also found one with Andrew Gold I really liked. He is a smart and witty interviewer, and that combined with you, well, so much fun to listen to and it goes further than the most video’s.
Did you do one interview with Andrew and are the shorter video’s all bits from that video?
If so, please do more 🙂
Did you do other interviews who went similarly good?
I did listen to some video’s, and some are funny because the interviewer is kind of speechless, but I really enjoy the depth you get with some of the interviewers. Where we here more than the basics.
Thank you! Brenda
Hello Brenda, there are three interviews with Andrew Gold and one further video is an excerpt from an interview. You can find them by going to the Ultra Interview Playlist.
HG
Do you have your cake and eat it?
Being a narcissistic psychopath is this a possibility for you with your wicked wiley manipulative ways?
I think he’d rather have bread and butter pudding. I swear he said so once. He was roasting someone who was angry at him and he was like, “Oh could I have bread and butter pudding please? I rather do like that.” Painfully British. It was likely a sugars video. HG is welcome to confirm or deny, of course, and I confirm that I’m hungry now. Mm, sugary carbs.
HG is this flirting with a baking discussion?
No, it’s about me and therefore acceptable.
You narcissist!
I don’t see you having much of a sweet tooth. More proof you’re part cat.
I don’t, it’s my tongue that’s sweet.
HG, you tease… I can imagine that your tongue is extremely sweet 😉
Sending you love ❤️❤️❤️❤️
*Allison fanning herself* Mr. Tudor! Why, I do declare…
HG- Your tongue is sweet?
I can imagine a long snake like tongue… hissing with sharp fangs.
Deadly, long and poisonous!
I’ve never seen a tongue that is fanged. Fangs next to a tongue but never on a tongue.
My tongue is able to reach certain places rather well, but that’s another story.
Hg Tudor “I’ve never seen a tongue that is fanged. Fangs next to a tongue but never on a tongue.
My tongue is able to reach certain places rather well, but that’s another story. ”
Ahhh a first time for everything. A fanged tongue! Such an imagination!
Unique only to the owner!
Not only able to inflict pleasure but also pain….
There is a fish with a fanged tongue. It is known as “The deep sea dragon fish” It lurks in the waters of Australia…….
Sweetest tongue has sharpest tooth. It’s a very true story haha fuck sake
@ HG
“certain places” are surely the interiors of peanut butter jars and your elbows. I too am excited to bring you on as my new dishwasher! 😜
HG: I saw your fake crisis video and it was so accurate. Big question: Do some narcissists choose a miserable existence? Why? Mine has genuine crisis. He is now in a homeless shelter. He smokes pot and plays guitar and does his art. But overall to me it is the bottom. I won’t save him. He says he can’t get a job and has been trying for a year. He was fighting with his drinker narc mum and she was “ starving him.” He got really skinny. I don’t believe he applies for work and he is amazingly content at poverty. I don’t get it. Why would someone choose this existence. He isn’t happy. He is angry. I told him no one should do for another what someone should do for himself but I did send food before he relocated. In short, why won’t some people work? Is that a narc trait? I know very well that he can, he is educated, an international driver, attractive, intelligent, well spoken… I just don’t get it. It’s not my problem and we don’t speak because every time we do I say it could all be resolved if he would work. He has a million excuses and not my problem but here’s the question:
Why do some narcs refuse to work and accept poverty.
I would work 10 jobs then live like him do anything. I don’t get it. Be much grateful if you responded. I know women who live with the long unemployed man but it’s so unhealthy. Get a new skill, take any job until a better one comes along… where is that narcissist pride? Why don’t they care? You sat useless. Agreed. 100%. But it’s a choice. I don’t get it. Nothing seems to matter, not poverty, not a relationship, not children for some, not self respect, not the attitude to others, anything to avoid WORK. And it’s not just men. I know a women who is a benefit liver and she said it’s “ freedom” Her family have degrees but none of the sisters work. She says we are old fashioned in Belfast and believe the man should work. I replied there is no freedom in poverty. It’s the ultimate oppression. I don’t get it. 99% to 100% of the people I know work hard in life. I can tell they are narcs. But it’s not one you mentioned, the man or woman who choose poverty over work. Yes there is usually a substance abuse issue…none I know are schitzo homeless who scream around the streets and genuinely can’t take care of themselves…
The poverty is not his fault, it is the world that is against him and has cast him into this role. His narcissism does not cause him to seek work as that would be regarded as too difficult and therefore it is easier to remain in poverty and use that for the purposes of victimhood and pity plays.
Candied Pansy, I myself am British too. Excellent reply there by the way….
Bread and butter pudding? Interesting… Are you sure?
I can actually imagine HG being a huge fan of spotted dick with lashings of custard.
Spotted dick is an amazing British pudding. Yes it really is called that. It is absolutely scrumptious.
You are right. I cannot imagine him being a fan of tons of icing on a cake. Let alone cream….
However, can he have his pudding and eat it?…….
Can you HG?
Anna, I’m American but HG is a Brit or a brilliant fraud. Glad you liked the reply. I endured a few rounds of the horn of ridicule, to land on Let’s All Laugh At The Sugars Part 21 (go to the evidence, as HG says). It’s after “just desserts” at 5:50. However, HG isn’t above telling us porky pies. We don’t know he doesn’t eat betty crocker frosting straight out of the tub.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPLTUg-S5rA&list=PLMQVuOn9DvThQZeqOTkH5kSHSRUizELNR&index=26
Y’all and your puddings and funny names! Googles spotted dick pudding- yum! *resists joke about HG having freckles everywhere and enjoying lashings of my custard…*
Between bread pudding and dirty martinis, American icing would send him into a diabetic coma. If anyone could have a fanged tongue, it would be HG. C’est la vie quand le diable est ton médecin.
It is patently clear that I do not eat Betty Crocker frosting straight out of the tub.
Candied Pansy,
I think HG prefers the sweet called, “glazed empath” with a side of some butter pudding. Xx 😄
Candied Pansy,
I did try some butter bread pudding earlier this week, just for fun and why not try it? Anyway, it was yummy, but I prefer something more creamy… like ice cream…on occassion…I haven’t tried spotted dick yet, I couldn’t order it without laughing and I’d feel like too much attention would be drawn to me ordering such a thing….can you imagine the waiter or waitress asking, “How was the spotted dick?” I’d choke laughing about it, not to mention the stare I’d get eating it…I’d definitely choke on it. 😆😆xx Thanks for making me laugh, imagining the whole scene playing out..xx
“…I do not eat Betty Crocker frosting straight out of the tub.”
You’re right! It’s like I don’t even know you!
duncan hines, obvi, apologies to Ms. Crocker
great now I tempted myself to try the dolly parton baking mixes
HG, is Dolly Parton a narcissist? That would be upsetting.
Rebecca, you’re right! We really are consumables to him.
Rebecca, I see we work similarly 🙂
Bread and butter pudding has been added to my list of dishes to prepare and taste – although I didn’t have time for it this week. It would probably be better and more tender using lower quality small grain bread. But I will try to make it with ordinary medium-quality bread and sweet challah.
The toasted bread tastes like paper and is unpalatable to me. Moreover, it is becoming more and more difficult to buy it in my country, there are not many consumers.
The bread and butter pudding doesn’t look very impressive in the photos, but something whispers to me, that it will taste like a wheat roll with butter dipped in hot milk with sugar. My grandmother almost always ate it for breakfast. The “exclusive” version had cinnamon 🙂 I have a fondness for this strange milk soup 🙂 Yes, the baked flavored version of this dish may be even better.
And something new again. Thank you.
That’s enough about bread and butter pudding and toasted bread. Further comments of this nature will be deleted.
OK.
And if I add, that while eating I will think about you HG, is it better now?
Quick joke 🙂
Re the video about transgender narcissists:
I didn’t watch the video. I was a bit scared in case it might caused me to feel upset. I looked at some of the comments, expecting some to be fairly critical and condemnatory, and there were some but they were not, thankfully, as bad as they could have been.
I am the parent of a young person who I’d consider to be within this community. The signs became apparent from about 2 years of age – probably as soon as it was possible to express an opinion or preference. My child, contrary to the stereotype of demanding, pronoun enforcers, is extremely subtle and unassuming. The goal is merely to be the true self, honestly and unapologetically, but with absolutely no fanfare.
In my work I also have encountered many young people who are also in this community in some way. They may feel like one gender or the other or not especially like either. They have all been very subtle as well, wanting no more than to live as they feel comfortable and not to cause a fuss. They sometimes make requests or ask for support, and they accept support they’re given but do not make demands.
The community seems to have been smeared recently and i accept this has been exacerbated by individuals who are especially pushy or demanding or attention seeking and I can imagine that narcissism would be responsible for a lot of that type of behaviour.
I wish it were not the case, but there are narcissists stating their positions on any and all issues, wanting the world to conform to their demands, wanting to control others, wanting to bring others down to allow themselves to feel more on top.
That is much more of a problem than unassuming human beings going about their business trying to feel as comfortable in their lives as they can.
annaamel,
” My child, contrary to the stereotype of demanding, pronoun enforcers, is extremely subtle and unassuming. The goal is merely to be the true self, honestly and unapologetically, but with absolutely no fanfare.”
In similar fashion, actual empaths just go about their lives, not declaring how empathic they are or drawing attention to the wonderful caring things they do – conversely, the ones who go about broadcasting their empathic nature and pointing to supposed empathic acts, generally aren’t empathic at all – but have hijacked the label for themselves.
I think you would appreciate the video, if you listen to it.
annaamel–
Take whatever time you need to be ready to watch any video. There’s plenty of content about myriad topics related to narcissism and psychopathy on HG’s channel. I agree with Who Cares in that I think you would appreciate it. HG stresses from the beginning of that video (and throughout it) that not everyone who is transgender behaves like a narcissist, that there are many who go their lives quietly, just like the child in your life. He also presented a scientific study. There are many trans people who go about their lives quietly and don’t have a social media witch fit if there are honest mistakes. I think he makes the point that the trans community are being harmed by those who want a bandwagon. I’ve seen trans people on YouTube who absolutely report that there are activists within their community who are harming it, and they aren’t happy about it. They’re frustrated that their lives are being disrupted, that there are prominent individuals (millions of followers) making them look villainous.
I felt anxious to the point of avoiding a few videos of HG’s in the past. When I heard he was making one on what many people consider the crossover between autism and narcissism, I was nervous and upset. (I’m autistic, and I have worked with children and adults from across the autistic spectrum.) I’ve seen autism activists behave in similar ways; they know better than autistic people what autism is like…just let them make their inspiration p**n. Shut up! Listen and like what I made for you people after consulting with a group that is appropriately criticized for what they do/say. (I’m going to stop there, with giving the basic flavour.) I almost sent a pleading email to him to ask that he include someone with autism in the video, saying our part. I knew that that would resonate with autistic people more, if someone autistic was included. I had to take some time, looking through HG’s videos to decide what to do. (I followed his advice and went to the evidence.) I felt better after considering how measured all HG’s content is on serious matters. And there are similar behaviors, no doubt, but as HG stressed repeatedly, the driver is completely different.
HG was ahead of me, as always, in the sense of having the differences between the two disorders be a conversation. The autism conversation with Harry and HG was lovely. Harry explained from a male autistic perspective very well and HG explained the narcissist perspective. (I emphasize male here because autism presentation is quite different between males and females. And psychology is beginning the work to understand it now. The ratio is still 4 males to 1 female. I think that’s inaccurate in the real world. Researchers are moving forward, it seems to me, with the idea of getting to more accurate data on the prevalence of ASD in women.)
I think it is vital that autistic people from the lower needs (High Functioning) side access HG’s information when they begin relationships. From what I’ve seen and heard from other autistic women, the urge to do as told and conform is something that they have felt from an early age, more so than what I hear from autistic men. The women knew they were different. What I interpret from that is that there is another level of conditioning going on for autistic women, something that is frequently bullied into them by neurotypical female peers, particularly once puberty begins. Someone who wants to conform and obey and please those around them if only to escape the bullying…sounds like a great victim for a narcissist to me.
HG is so blunt in the best way possible. He provides superlative examples through the videos of the behaviors as well as just describing them. How HG communicates, breaks things down, just makes it easier to understand for all sorts of people. Part of being the Ultra, I would say.
There have been a few other videos where I was nervous of what I would hear, so I avoided them for a little bit, too. So far I have yet to find any video of HG’s that was not a measured presentation of facts. I think that is one of HG’s gifts.
I hope everything is going well for you. I wanted to share, because I’ve had the same experience in the past, and found that it “turned out all right in the end.” (Couldn’t resist quoting Mrs. Potts. Love her!) Do what’s right for you. If you’re not ready, wait until you are. If you never are, that’s okay, too.
Hello Dani–
Thank you for sharing the information on your ASD diagnosis. I got a very late diagnosis and I’m glad you pointed out there are differences in presentation between males and females.
I also appreciated your explaining why women with autism might make perfect targets. I think for me it also has to do with issues with communication, i.e. I tend to take statements pretty literally ( I didn’t know that’s what I was doing until my diagnostic features were explained by a clinician). I have to make deep deliberations about whether other meanings are present, if I even think to do that at all, so if someone is trying to manipulate me it can be very easy. By the time I’ve run those subroutines I’m already behind in the conversation, and you know how that goes.
Getting my diagnosis helped me understand my befuddlement during my youth at all the girls at our table suddenly needing to go to the bathroom en masse and insisting I join. I found that Big Hair needed maintenance! That fog of late 1980s Aquanet surely killed some of my brain cells. What a mind bender that was!
Nice to know you’re out there.
Allison: “I think for me it also has to do with issues with communication, i.e. I tend to take statements pretty literally ( I didn’t know that’s what I was doing until my diagnostic features were explained by a clinician). I have to make deep deliberations about whether other meanings are present, if I even think to do that at all, so if someone is trying to manipulate me it can be very easy. By the time I’ve run those subroutines I’m already behind in the conversation, and you know how that goes.”
YES!! I mistake rhetorical questions as literal in many situations…especially if there is very little intonation change…It’s a guessing game for me. Or getting stuck on the same subject and obsessing over it…
Reading “Manipulated,” made many things much clearer to me. I know that I still miss things, particularly in real time. However, it’s much easier, now, looking back and reflecting on what is happening. I can acknowledge the poor behavior without blaming myself. I don’t feel as inclined as I was before to make excuses. And trying to make a change going forward. I feel certain that I’m in the right place to learn some things that I didn’t learn before finding HG. I’ve yet to read or listen to any of HG’s material that I didn’t take something away from. There’s so much to gain from all the information and the environment that HG has created. It’s such a gift, all he does for free…especially answering 500-600 of my questions at this point. It makes me so happy when I get answers. HG is very good (benignly manipulative) towards me. I’m very grateful.
Dani I recently watched the US version of Love on the Spectrum. I liked it enormously (as I did the Australian episodes). Have you seen it?
Hello annaamel–
I haven’t seen “Love on the Spectrum.”
It follows a number of people on the autism spectrum (with varying support needs – some higher and some lower) as they navigate the dating world and try to find relationships that suit them and their preferences. They are advised as they go by family, friends and coaches who help them with all the tricky stuff (which is much of it). It’s on Netflix if you’re curious to see an episode.
Annaamel, the video is raising awareness on how the narcs are hijacking this orientation, who are not transgender but are using this for their own (also criminal) purposes. Mr. Tudor is fair and accepting towards unassuming people, their choices and how they want to live their life. The video will not cause you to feel upset. Your comment is reflective of the video.