Questioning Me
Do feel free to ask me anything you like. I am here for you to dip into my mind and for you to benefit from learning how I view the world. No question is off limits and if you want to establish a dialogue with me, then so much the better. You will be helping me so I can show the treatment team that I am interacting with people in this setting. You can ask me why I do certain things, what am I thinking, what my favourite food is, whatever you like. This is your chance to extract as much knowledge and information from me as you possibly can. If you want to just make a statement, go ahead. Fill your boots. I don’t know you so I won’t fly into a rage (this does happen when people I know question me but that is because they have an agenda – you don’t because we don’t know one another). I look forward to hearing from you.
13,032 thoughts on “Questioning Me”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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HG, do any of your doctors categorize narcissists or empaths the way you do?
No.
Dear HG, I was wondering: do you make a distinction between Celebrity Narcissism and uhm non-celebrity narcissism? Whereby the first is a narcissism that develops later in life due to the circumstances of an inhumane life, as a semi-god-celebrity. Or is this distinction not real, in your opinion?
Narcissism does not develop in later life.
Thank you for your reply.
Oh and one other question: why does the narcissist that I know choose the nastiest, sluttiest, dirtiest chicks to hook up with? I’m fairly certain that he’s an upper mid-range or possibly lower upper. And not only does he pick those types but then denies it even though he has been caught red-handed he still will deny it and I’ve told him if you’re embarrassed about who you hook up with and maybe you need to upgrade. I mean I don’t know why he denies it when it’s so obvious and everybody else says it’s obvious too. He hits on everybody. He’s also been accused of rape by several different people and it makes me wonder although none of these women have ever filed charges on him. They’re also liars themselves and thieves and just shady people to begin with so it’s hard to know who to believe.
Do you mean that he has long term relationships with these individuals or he just has intermittent sexual liaisons with them?
I just asked this question on another page but thought that this might be a more appropriate area to ask it so I’m asking it again. What does the narcissist mean when they say that they’re depressed if they can’t feel sadness?
It’s a pity play to make you feel sympathy for them, however it should be noted that narcissists can suffer depression
That was quick HG. LOL. I never considered a pity play and I don’t know what he wants with his pity play but I’m obviously not giving it to him. Oops.
It looks like my previous comment didn’t load for some reason but I said that was a quick response HG. LOL. I don’t know what he’s trying to make me feel sorry for him for but obviously I’m not doing a very good job of what he wants. Oops. Thank you.
HG, that’s interesting! Are saying that narcissists CAN be depressed but that, IF they SAY so to an empath, it’s also a pity play? (Which brings up more questions in my terminally curious mind …
~ Do you consider telling someone one is feeling depressed ALWAYS a pity play regardless of where they are on the narc -> empath spectrum?
~ Could it not be a ‘cry for help,’ even from a narcissist?
~ Do you believe all people should hide their depression from others?
~ IF you do believe mentioning feeling depressed to a trusted friend, regardless of where they fall on the narc > empath spectrum is a ‘pity play,’ is a ‘pity play’ always a ‘bad’ thing/manipulative in your opinion?
1. No.
2. Yes, but from a narcissist it is a form of manipulation.
3. No.
4. See 1.
Is HG a vaccinated narc?
If yes, with what covid-19 vax?
Upper Mid-Range “False Angel” somatic woman
Is it possible?
Similar to the tipycal MMR A False Angel but
more evil
more skilled in manipulation
more skilled in personalized grooming
I recommend you to listen to the Jada Pinkett Smith series.
Thank You!
many videos 🙂
Can you give the precise title please?
I’m sorry BP, it was some time ago so I can not remember the exact video.
HG, Given the amount of work you do that benefits many others, albeit for you own purpose, do you consider yourself primarily a pro-social narcissistic psychopath? Given that you approach is more evidenced-based than that of many social scientists (and many medical medical scientists these days), do you consider yourself a social scientist?
Yes. Until you get in my way.
I do not consider myself a social scientist although I understand how that term can apply.
HG what advice would you give to women who are broke and trying to meet single men of a higher tax bracket (for marriage)? Where should they go? (Preferably in London)
Please let me know if I need to send this in an email instead
Get a job and stop sponging.
Witch “HG what advice would you give to women who are broke and trying to meet single men of a higher tax bracket (for marriage)? Where should they go? (Preferably in London)
Please let me know if I need to send this in an email instead”
HG “Get a job and stop sponging.”
As always excellent advice from HG.
I have always been financially independent. Forbid being controlled by someone financially…..My father taught me well! Bless him!
Please HG discuss machiavellianism and the dark triad.
This blog has covered narcissism and psychopathy. Of course empaths too, but the 3rd machiavellianism.
I love the quote from “The sensual world” by Kate Bush.
“Do I look for those millionaires like a Machiavellian girl would
When I could wear a sunset, mmh, yes”
Oh another question.
Dearest HG, do you have any Machiavellian traits at all or is it beneath you?
Re: If HG could ‘change a traumatic event in his life, which in turn lessens his psychological trauma and he doesn’t develop narcissism. He doesn’t become H.G.,therefore his unrivaled body of work ceases to exist, and thousands of people suffer from not having it.’
Big
Fat
Hairy
Balled
NOPE
to this.
To clarify, I’m in no way saying it’s a good thing that HG suffered abuse, or that I don’t wish it hadn’t happened.
Just musing that HG has molded his experience into a pretty darn good reality, and the present isn’t the worst possible outcome that could have transpired from his childhood.
It’s a testament to his character that HG decided to focus his prime aims into the area he has.
‘To clarify, I’m in no way saying it’s a good thing that HG suffered abuse, or that I don’t wish it hadn’t happened.
Just musing that HG has molded his experience into a pretty darn good reality, and the present isn’t the worst possible outcome that could have transpired from his childhood.’
I recognise you are not condoning the abuse or trauma that was experienced.
But I’m still uncomfortable with the essential premise.
I’m going to try to make an analogy but I want to forewarn contagions or empaths who don’t like reading descriptions of violence that my story will have some, so please don’t read if you are concerned it may affect you.
I live in Australia. In 2014, an 11 year old boy named Luke Batty was murdered by his father, inside the cricket nets at a suburban sports field. His father first hit his son on the head with a cricket bat then proceeded to stab him. There were other parents and children present nearby but they were too far away to intervene quickly enough.
The following year Luke’s mother, Rosie, became Australian of the year. After Luke’s death she had thrown herself into campaigning for better awareness and more effective interventions in cases of family violence. She found that this helped her with her grief, and she found solace in feeling she was helping to prevent others from experiencing the trauma she’d suffered, losing her son to a violent and dangerous parent.
Her Wikipedia page suggests ‘Batty is considered to have had a significant influence on national public attitudes, philanthropy, government initiatives and funding, support services and police and legal procedures related to domestic violence in Australia’
She was recognised in the 2019 Queens Birthday honours for ‘distinguished service to the community as a campaigner and advocate for the prevention of family violence.’
It’s clear Rosie Barry’s work as a campaigner and advocate for change in how family violence is managed has helped many victims and will continue to do so.
It would be absolutely correct to state that if this event didn’t happen to Rosie’s son and to her, she would not have made a career switch into activism and would not have had a significant and positive bearing on the way family violence is handled in Australia and the people (mostly women and children) who were the beneficiaries of these changes would not have had those improved outcomes.
Would we say that had Rosie [chose to or been able to] undo the murder of her son, which in turn would’ve lessened her trauma, and she wouldn’t have felt the need to devote her life to campaigning for better interventions to family violence, ‘her work ceases to exist, and thousands of people suffer from not having it.’
I don’t think so. We wouldn’t. Because we recognise the trauma she experienced is so terrible we wouldn’t imagine putting it alongside ‘others who would not be helped.’ We’d not even say, I don’t think, when referencing the murder of an 11 year old by his father – but now we have the wonderful work of Rosie Batty which will help stop the suffering of others.
I don’t think people here are without compassion. And I recognise the desire to complement HG and acknowledge his work and efforts and skill.
But identifying ‘his help for those suffering after entanglements with narcissists’ as a positive outcome of the trauma and abuse he suffered which would be lost if his past were different I find a stretch too far.
The Rosie Batty story is a tragic and devastating one in terms of the efforts she made to keep herself and her son safe, in the end being unable to do so.
Keeping in mind she was put front and centre in the immediate aftermath of the tragedy, and no doubt in deep shock, there was one thing she said which deeply affected me which was her message regarding her ex-husband and her son. She stated that Luke’s father loved his son. As far as I know she has never backtracked on this statement, perhaps wanting to indicate mental health issues were the cause.
I wonder if she could go back to that moment would she reconsider or retract that statement, but I felt it did a disservice to all the suffering children out there who may somehow feel the need to comprehend how a loving father could do that. No father, or mother, who loved their child could murder them in such a callous way. From my perspective, it sent out the wrong message alongside the perfectly legitimate message with regard to family violence. Children may be led to believe an abusive parent loves them in spite of their actions.
Luke did not deserve to die that way, his mother did not deserve the tragedy of that outcome considering her valiant efforts to protect them both, and the reality is Luke’s father enacted revenge on his mother by killing him. He did not love his son. He abused him to the point of death.
I am very sorry for his mother and family in the circumstances. The father died by his own hand as a consequence of the same incident. Rosie Batty deserves mountains of praise for her ability to confront the worst circumstance any parent can imagine and follow that up with a trajectory that helped raise awareness around the incidence of domestic violence. I just cannot come at the need to create the belief of a loving parent in circumstances so extreme.
Maybe she was trying to protect the memory of both of them by approaching it the way she did. It may have been the only way she was able to retain her sanity. She had to insinuate love into a situation that was the complete opposite because to think it was hatred or revenge that killed her son would be too much. Especially when she may have held herself partly responsible.
You took my quote out of context, and in doing so changed the concept of my analogy.
Annaamel
I have taken your point and am thinking this through.
In the assumption that Rosie is not a narcissist (because that seems to generally be the belief), if she were to go back to the trauma of her son being killed, she was already an adult. If she goes back to change the event she is still an adult. If HG goes back to change the event he is a child. Though her trauma may have changed her trajectory as far as subsequent action resulting in positive benefit to others, might it be that we accept that to be less remarkable as an adult (given her assumed empathy) than one who experiences trauma in their formative years and becomes a person with no empathy and therefore no reason or inclination to help others? That we would expect it from her but not from a narcissist? That she is doing what we would expect a non-narcissist to do, but HG, although undeniably damaging to others, has also managed to find a way to have benefit come to others despite that not being his prime aim and that that is the remarkable difference? I am not defending, but rather asking if this might be a possible explanation to the attitude toward HG for some.
There are two completely different topics being discussed here.
The original topic was regarding the inherent risk of altering timelines because something **worse** could come to pass than the current reality, and even then only with the caveat that the individual is **happy** in their present life.
The examples I used in communicating my thoughts weren’t exemplary.
KitKat
Haha, I know the feeling. My comment about going back linked to revenge fell to the same fate.
NarcAngel, it is the ‘silver lining’ approach to abuse and trauma that I find problematic. Had praise of HG’s work and support been outside that context, it’d be fine. If someone said, randomly, ‘even though HG had a rocky start, he’s now doing great stuff to help others’ I’d not have any issue.
But the context was established here of ‘going back and changing the past’ and there was a long conversation about it given his initial answer and the subsequent questions about the trauma of that past and whether its acceptance was logical or useful. It was quite a few posts into that discussion when KitKat added her comment so it was embedded in that context.
My analogy was not about the psychological profile of the person who suffered the trauma or how surprising or unpredictable their decisions afterwards. The analogy was in regard to – would we ‘silver line’ the trauma she experienced. Would we even state – ‘we’d have lost her good works had she not suffered that trauma.’
I didn’t think we would say that. I picked Rosie’s story partly because not many here would be familiar with it, because people here have not directly or consciously benefited from her good works and her trauma was almost of unbearable level. A difference between her case and HG’s that I see as consequential is some readers here are not aware of the level of trauma HG experienced as a child (and I’d suspect most of us don’t know the full picture) which means we may not see or have to confront the magnitude of that trauma (unlike in Rosie’s case). Also, the people that are helped by HG’s works are the readers of this blog. The ones writing the posts. Many readers feel personally attached to this blog, to what HG has given them, to HG. The suffering his work prevents is their suffering. These are the important differences, as I see it.
My issue is not with complimenting HG’s work. It’s bringing up the benefits from his work within the context of him suffering abuse or trauma AND whether he’d opt to (or should) change the past.
——
KitKat- I didn’t use your whole post, no. The part I took out was the part I was focusing on. Anna quoted you a few posts on so I know your post resonated with other readers. You made the post I responded to but it could’ve come from others as well.
——-
HG’s work now does benefit people. It is even more impressive given his diagnosis which means ‘doing good’ would not be a natural priority. This is a fact and I acknowledge it.
But when that good work is at least partly dependent on trauma, it becomes problematic for me to suggest how much we’d lose if those works were not to be created (and if that trauma didn’t occur).
Annaamel, Narcangel
This phrase would sum it up on my end:
I hate the fact that HG’s fantastic work and accomplishments,
have been made possible by the ongoing horrible abuse against him, and dramatic events in his childhood.
The original topic of discussion was philosophical speculation regarding being content with one’s life, and having no desire for a redo.
Correct me if I am mistaken, but I believe the topic Annaamel is discussing is in regards to a bad event being considered fortunate due to the good that came of it, or at least finding a silver lining in it.
These are NOT the same topics, therefore any quotes of mine, in whole or part, are NOT applicable to this current debate.
If you would like my thoughts regarding this new topic, I am more than happy to supply them, but please STOP using my words in regards to a subject they weren’t intended for.
I apologize for sounding so stern, I feel bad.
I know that everything we discuss within this blog has the potential to be emotionally charged, and it is not my intention to be callous towards that. We are all caring people who experience a lot of emotions, and I absolutely love you all for it.
Obscure movie reference:
In Joe Vs. The Volcano, Joe’s boss has a lively one-sided debate as to what exactly is being argued. This reminds me of that scene.
“I’m not arguing that with you. I’m NOT arguing that with you. I’m not arguing THAT with you. I’m not ARGUING that with you!”
HG, you had said in the past that you decided not to have children. Did the fact that you cannot love them and don’t want them to have the kind of childhood that you had factor in your decision? Or is it only because because you want to spend your time differently and they would get in the way, and ignoring them would damage the facade?
They would get in the way.
I’m glad you thought of that in advance, unlike my NF, who TOLD me if he had it to do over again he never would have gotten married & CERTAINLY never would have had children. I wish he’d had as much foresight as you.
They would not be your little HG soldiers to the future? Don’t you find it interesting so many narcs want kids as carrying on their legacies? My ASD husband wanted as many boys as I would give him. He was so intent he wanted sex when we divorced. His attitude said was “ I don’t take care of them.” Meaning wives, cooks, Nannie’s….True to some extent. The law can step in.
It is my impression that by far most people want children because of their own ‘legacy’ needs. People use different words for it. It is a build-in biological drive, to continue it all, to see oneself reflected in the next generation. I do not believe it is a narcissism thing. It is a human thing. For me, when my sister got pregnant I could not understand it because we just escaped this hell from growing up and now she was going to repeat the nightmare. Maybe this suppresses the bio drive in me. But I do love her children very much. I did not choose their existence, but once they are here, I want to give them everything I can, forever.
Victims of Narc abuse must accept this fact: I had been emotionally raped. I’m a victim.
Sometimes terrible things happen to good people. In many cases there is no justice…
Ah, but we are not obligated to to define ourselves by that “raping”. We can, and here many strive to, change that into victory, we’ve suffered, lived through it and now are overcomers! That is very empowering!
Hi AV,
I agree with you, we are not defined by our abuse! I am not a victim, it will not keep me down, I will move over it and not let it dictate my life, for the rest of my life! We are healing, we are survivors, we are whole! Xx
What happen if you deride the narc when he/she try an hoover after many years?
Not an Ultra… but a Middle Mid-Range for example
It is challenge fuel and remains a threat to control and therefore they will need to assert control through one of the three assertions of control.
Is it possible inflict pain to him/her?
I mean, for example:
-narc: Hi John, how long! How are you?
-ex victim response: ahahahah 🙂 or LOL
-Whatsapp: John had blocked you.
Since I cannot reply, I will leave this here: The comparison of HG is to Dexter. Obviously. No contest. He uses his gift to identify the evil that goes unnoticed by others or slips through the failing system. Empowers victims. Has humor. Shares his inner thoughts with us. Makes us able to emphatise with him. Hannibal is a joke.
Who many married woman did you seduced destroying their family ?
I did not destroy their family, they did.
To a similar question, N2 once answered me with a yawn: “500”. I felt stupid, I realized the senselessness of such a question and I was never interested it again 🙂
HG’s answer:
Indeed, they did.
I always have much higher demands and expectations of women than of men. Perhaps it’s an error.
When N2 stopped seeing his child, I suffered. But what hurt the most was, that his sisters and mom treated their niece and granddaughter the same way. WOMEN??? How could women do this??? This contradicts the principles of psychology, physics, biochemistry and the whole world order!!! 🙂
Joa, holding women to higher standards than men is somewhat unfair although I understand you may do it more instinctively than by choice. There are good, responsible men and there are men who are neither of those things. And it’s the same for women. I’m inclined to think it’s not the gender that affects responsibility and attachment as much as the internal drivers of behaviour, personality, psychology.
Annamel, such is my over forty years of life experience. Like every woman in my family. Like most women I know…
And I will add, that most of the women I know are in a permanent relationship with a man. Yet their view is identical.
I agree it’s unfair. But it is from women that I expect life wisdom, responsibility, patience, taking care of the “home hearth”, caring for the development and well-being of children.
It’s really hard for me to put any man from my surroundings in this place… There are none 🙂
Just 10 years ago, I would have said I knew two men like that. I said about them, that they defend the honor of men in my eyes, that they represent their gender to me. Unfortunately, they too failed. It is not an ignominious defeat – but this result is due only to the understanding and wisdom of their wives.
———-
God, send me the man Annamel writes about! And then I will gladly spit out my words 🙂
It is clear that you both did it.
The person in the marriage has made a commitment to their spouse. A commitment of loyalty, fidelity. An external party has not made such a commitment. It’s the person in the marriage’s responsibility to resist temptations regardless of their appeal and if they don’t they must accept the consequences, including the dissolution of the marriage.
Exactly
Unless the marriage is with a cerebral narcissist.
No sex asexual who pushes their partner into an affair to asert moral superiority.
Interesting perspective of responsibility only on one person.
This might be semantics but:
Do you believe that it is sensible for a person to choose Not to try to steal someone else’s husband/wife?
Depends who that person is and the circumstances applicable at the time.
Do you think that bloggers “emoji/icon thingies” that are automatically generated when creating their blogger accounts are, in some way or other, a pictorial assimilation or depiction of the name that the blogger allocates to the account when they create it? Or is it a purely random event? Love me, Clearly Bored, of course!
thoushaltnotbeignored,
“Do you think that bloggers “emoji/icon thingies” that are automatically generated when creating their blogger accounts are, in some way or other, a pictorial assimilation or depiction of the name that the blogger allocates to the account when they create it?”
No, because it changes dependent on what device is used to post a comment.
Interesting. Mine’s the same whether on my Android phone or Macbook Air.
How many couples (with children) did you ruin?
Did you mentally tortures their kids?
HG. Another question about your hybrid Narcissism/Psychopathy.
I read recently an article about a female psychopath who says she does not experience fear psychologically, but notices physical symptoms as her body goes into the fight and flight response despite her not really feeling it. For example, shaking or feeling nauseous.
I presume you do not experience fear (I may of course be wrong). If you don’t, do you like her,get sometimes a physical reaction to fear but as you are not emotionally able to recognise it, you may for example think it is food poisoning for example if you feel nauseous.
Hi,
I am new to the site, trying to navigate it via WordPress and direct. I am getting through the articles, interesting stuff. Lots of activity on this one so thought to join in. Sorry if I am asking questions that others have already asked.
My questions are –
-What is the one question you really wanted to be asked, and the answer to it?
-Reflecting on all of your written work, what is your favourite piece, which one are you most proud of ?
-If you could have/ own any object you wanted when you wake tomorrow morning, what would you choose?
– If you could have more wealth or more time – which one would you choose?
Thank you in advance, if you have a moment to answer these questions.
Evelyn
Hi EveBea,
Hope you enjoy getting your answers here and I have to say, great questions! I’m looking forward to reading HG’s answers! Xx
My ex, a lesser narcissist has started love bombing his new victim. He always went for younger women (like me) but she’s 10 years older, not as attractive as me and similar in age to him. I find this confusing. It’s very early days. He didn’t show his true colours until we moved in after a long time but this won’t happen as she lives far away and has kids so they’re unlikely to move in together. I want to know how long it will be before she is dismantled by the narcissist. She’s a separated mum of two teens and both her parents are no longer alive. I imagine she was probably easy pickings. How long does the idealization/love bombing golden period last for usually? Is there any chance they will have a happy normal healthy relationship? Please say no!
What happen if you meet a psycopathic women HG?
I ensure they know how to spell.
Hilarious. HG, your wit is brilliant. You could be a professional stand up comedian!
You have got something right at last.
Yes, I do tend to prefer the left.
Although I do actually prefer the left..Right is not always the way to be. I prefer to sleep on the left as well.
I believe the left part of the brain controls the right hand side of the body and vice versa?
So if we are right, we are left, and left is actually right.
English is not my mother language…
Yes, but dictionaries don’t know that! Nor does spell check.
NOTE: If I were on any other site I’d not have responded so caustically. It’s kind of fun to get into the spirit HG establishes. Could well be that this is more the Real me. I could buy that! I stand by me reply. My point is valid.
Hi Sunnygirl,
“ If I were on any other site I’d not have responded so caustically. It’s kind of fun to get into the spirit HG establishes.”
What spirit do you think HG establishes on the blog? Just curious.
HG is a self confessed narcissist who is unable to feel empathy.
Play nice, HG 🙂
Dear HG, I was wondering: as a psychopath, is the narcissism a hindrance for you or rather beneficial, with regard to achieving your goals? Or is it a nonsensical question, I am not sure.
I have been told by a psychologist that my narcissism has the potential to get in the way.
Narcissists are vulnerable to flattery and the promise of fuel which is why you can certainly honey trap them. As they see you as inferior to them it means that they risk underestimating you.
I’m sure if I wanted to, I could contact an ex narc and arrange for him to meet me some place and have him jumped.
Witch…
Such true words. Some even break eye contact and go red in the face from the flattery and fuel provision. Honey trapped to the wiles of a Machiavellian…
It happened to my Dad who was robbed in the Philippines by a woman… 🤣 the power of the pussoir
Witch,
Same. I wouldn’t of course. But good point. Probably any of them.
Witch “It happened to my Dad who was robbed in the Philippines by a woman… 🤣 the power of the pussoir”
Ouch. That’s nasty. Sorry to hear that. My Uncle had a similar experience.
I myself have and always will be financially independant.
@Anna
You don’t need to be sorry, my dad is a narcissist and deserved it. I laughed when he told me. In fact he shouldn’t have even told me, considering he was trying to get laid. But my dad never spoke to me like he made me, he always spoke to me like I’m his best friend from old school. We are no longer in contact
Hi Witch,
I understand what you’re saying here and you’re right, LMRSOMATIC was very sure of himself with me and didn’t think I’d fight back like I did and he wasn’t able to get what he was after, he underestimated me and my trust issues. His inflated ego couldn’t see him not winning the prime aim. He didn’t count on my friends getting involved and throwing his plans to hell.
You also mentioned the desire to get your narc ex jumped by playing up to his/her (?) ego and desire for more fuel from you. I have to admit, I’ve fantasized about doing something similar to LMRSOMATIC, but decided he’s not worth the guilt I would feel afterwards and I don’t think I could stand there and watch, and do nothing to stop it. My conscience and feelings would hinder me from getting revenge on him, in that way. Sometimes having feelings really sucks. Thanks for your comments, Witch, they were a nice fantasy. Xx
I have actually done that, the consequences where not worth it.
@sunshine
You have to do it in a way where not even he knows you had anything to do with it… set it up as a random mugging and give a statement to the police like you were an innocent witness
Hi Sunshine81,
May I ask, what happened?? Why you feel it wasn’t worth it??
@Witch, your comment made me spit out my coffee! Hysterical!
Hi Witch,
Would you charge by the hour for this service and do I pay before or after it’s done? 😂 Jk 😂 xx
In your capacity as H.g. it already has. You already know that though
HG,
Does your ASPD ever become a benefit to you , in contrast to your NPD having the potential to hinder you?
Both benefit me.
HG,
Sorry, I worded the question wrong. What I meant to say was, Does your ASPD make getting the prime aims easier than your NPD does? Thanks for your earlier reply,sorry for the confusion. Xx
The Prime Aims are pursued by narcissists, my ASPD certainly assists in catering to that requirement.
Isn’t it true that ASD have no conscience while a narc can feel shame?
Do you think you could be a good father if by chance shield maiden got pregnant? Or another? And if yes, how so?
They best not turn up pregnant or they got some splainin to do….
Ya darn tooting!
Haha!
“Ya darn tootin’”
Haha! 😉
HG,
Thank you again for your reply and your ASPD helps with the prime aims, it makes you a much more efficient narcissist, sorta like a Terminator with an updated chip and chaise. 😉
I think I figured out why you like Super and Magnet Empaths more, you get more of a fight from them and they have the desirable traits so many people are attracted to, so mirroring them makes you more attractive to others too. Xx
HG,
OMG! I could imagine the sharp glare in your eyes, if SM ended up pregnant…that would be a sure fire way of knowing something is up with her. I think I’d just jump the cliff myself, if I were her, than face your fury! Scary as hell! Xx
You guys are underestimating the ability of H.G.’s swimmers to circumvent obstacles. The Ultra is a superior being, therefore his biological functions are superior as well, especially those made to perpetuate his DNA. While ours flail about like mindless tadpoles, his are an army of microscopic Michael Phelps. A break in the line will hardly slow an onslaught of that magnitude.
Thank you. Perhaps you should release more often then
“No question is off limits”?
Okay, here goes. Is the violet hair tonic Matilda’s father uses an actual thing? If so, what’s it called? (Got a thing for violets.)
Prompted by recent censorship of Roald Dahl and your response to it. Good lord, even the actor who played Augustus Gloop in the ’70s version of Chocolate Factory recently said he thinks the changes are utterly wrong.
While we’re on questions about Dahl’s stories, what the heck is a ‘tinker man’? Is it a British thing? In the 70’s movie version, Charlie says that the weird old guy lurking around the chocolate factory with a cart full of Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a tinker man.
Tinkers used to travel around and fix metal things like pots and pans. That’s the only meaning I know.
Oh ok, so perhaps he was repairing butcher knives that day 😂
OMG when I saw this I immediately thought “these are empaths in HG’s comment section as he’s painting us black and white with every comment we make” 🤣
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYSnUAq9/
Hello HG,
I have a friend who is diagnosed as bipolar. However, sometimes i wonder if she not a misdiagnosed narc because the attention seeking and manipulations are always present in some form. In mania as well as in times of depression. I heard that narcs are sometimes misdiagnosed as bipolar.
Are there certain behaviours that would exclude or confirm bipolar or narcissism?
Could you maybe do a video on bipolar one day?
Yes.
Yes.
Yes please do a video on bipolar/narcissism. Ty in advance
HG,
I’m looking forward to hearing the video on bipolar and narcissism because my mother, my mother in law, my brother in law, stepdaughter and aunt were all diagnosed bipolar.
Is your friend bipolar I or II? What you describe sounds more like borderline, cluster B. HG has a video about borderliners who are really narcissist.
My experience with the friend in question is that in mania she can be very grandiose, even going as far as saying it. When depressed it feels like pitty play, also expressing regret and awareness that her behavior is a problem. I don’t think she is aware however. When not in an episode she is actually very fun to be around an seems pretty “normal”.
She is diagnosed as bipolar I.
And yes, i saw mr Tudor’s work on borderlines. It was very informative and clarifying. That’s why i am curious to know his insights on bipolar and gain some understanding in what drives her. A mood disorder, a fuel regulating problem…..or something completely different. Whatever the case, it won’t change my behavior towards her. It’s just a label.
HG Tudor, thank you for your great service, once again! Would you be so kind to answer:
1.If you were ruler of your own country what would be the first law you would introduce?
2. What song would you say best sums you up?
3. What’s the most interesting thing you can see out of your office or kitchen window?
4. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
5. What is one thing you will never do again? 6.If you could go back in time to change one thing, what would it be?
7. Is my observation correct: although you allowed your audience to ask you any question about you, in most of the comments people focused on talking about themselves?
Thank you
1. A method of assessment of the worth of an individual to society and if it falls below a certain standard we disincentivise that individual.
2. Unstoppable Force
3. My reflection.
4. What is this, an interview for some shitty job?
5. Never say never.
6. Nothing, what is done is done.
7. In which comments? Comments as a whole or comments to this post?
I was initially a bit surprised at the response to number 6 (“Nothing, what is done is done”) as relates to the Knowing HG series, but then recognized I was projecting an emotional empathic response/wish for a different result. One we assume HG would want given the details of certain events in that series. It still takes practice, but when I removed emotion and inserted logic it made more sense, although it raised a different question centred around the necessity for revenge if that (done is done) is truly the case. The need for control surely outranking that seeming acceptance? It is the genius way in which things are written that allows our emotions to be manipulated. KHG followers may understand what I mean.
Revenge is a future event because one cannot change the past, NA.
Nothing to do with chronological order, but rather a question of the necessity of revenge given the seeming acceptance of “what is done is done” and that you would not change anything. The statement does not ring true in that sense.
There is nothing to be gained by seeking to change the past, it cannot be changed, but one can do much about the future and that is what revenge does.
Revenge is generally sought out for past transgressions and wrongs.
I sense that you do not appreciate the questioning and are asserting control through your answers, so I am content to accept your response as was given, put it down to my lack of understanding, and to move on. Thank you.
NA,
I think the different perspectives come into play here.
We assume there is a single event in the past that HG would want to change.
I think HG’s response is just the logical answer of a psychopathic mind.
“ I can’t go back and change the past because that isn’t possible, so there is no point thinking about it.”
This doesn’t necessarily mean there is acceptance of the past either.
Revenge would indicate that there is no forgiveness for past transgressions (true for a psychopathic mind) and given that the future is not set, there is the possibility to change the future. The attention would be focussed towards what can be done rather than lamenting what can’t.
That was the way I read it at least!
Xx
Essentially correct.
I would think that thinking about certain past events would threaten Mr. Tudor’s control so he uses the third assertion of control. Withdrawal. What’s done is done.
Whereas the future is still up for grabs. By seeking and planning out his revenge, he can assert control and gain thought fuel. I know when I think about my revenge plan to tell my husband he is nothing while he’s on his death bed, tickles me.
The difference between Mr. Tudor and myself is that I’ll chicken out and won’t enact the plan but Mr. Tudor will enact his plans.
I could be wrong here but seeking revenge in the future may aid in asserting control over some of the past events as well.
Just my thoughts. I could be way off.
This was a very interesting conversation though and I just wanted to give my two cents.
HG, do narcissists revisit the past, wishing they could change it? Do some mid range, many or all Greater or Ultra narcissists plot revenge? Thank you if you answer this. And if you don’t, still thank you for narcsite blog!
Not in isolation but they will state as such to somebody else as part of asserting control and drawing fuel.
The past cannot be altered, therefore admitting to a desire for a different outcome would mean acknowledging that the way things are now is not ideal, thus threatening control.
Not sure if that’s correct, just speculating.
There is force in that observation.
Wow. KitKat you are right.
I would hate that. If I could go back I would change so much.
I feel for you HG. Your narcissism really does hinder you in this way.
You have my deepest sympathy.
I would hate to be so constricted.
I have no desire to control others. I prefer chaos and the unexpected.
In the end you are controlled HG by your very need to control
Ouroboros….
I do not require your patronising response.
HG
“There is nothing to be gained by seeking to change the past, it cannot be changed, but one can do much about the future and that is what revenge does.”
This is true, but it is better to live in the present. The here and now. What we can actually experience. At this moment I type this message, I dream of later lying on the coach in front of the television with a Lillet and wild berry whilst enjoying my favourite program. In a few months a trip once again to the South of France… ohhh lala
Revenge? Waste of time and energy? Who cares? Live for the moment! Seize the day! Do not waste time and energy on those who care not for you. It is simply not worth it. We live such a short time. Death is long.
The response of the ineffective.
Building on Anna’s thoughts about the decision not to change a past event:
Regardless of narcissistic status, there is merit in choosing the devil you know over the devil you don’t. The new reality created may be less desirable than the current one.
To illustrate:
Say H.G. chooses to change a traumatic event in his life, which in turn lessens his psychological trauma and he doesn’t develop narcissism.
He doesn’t become H.G.,therefore his unrivaled body of work ceases to exist, and thousands of people suffer from not having it.
One could argue that he would achieve greatness in a different area, but he never gets the chance since now ‘lil Empath H.G. dies at age 11 while attempting to rescue a colony of ants from a burning building.
Given the possibility for infinite amounts of alternative outcomes, the decision to alter the past is statistically risky.
KitKat
True, but one could also argue that if one could go back (the hypothetical question initially posed) to change the course, then revenge would not be necessary. That the past event unchanged works better as the perceived reason to perpetuate violence now or in the future under the guise of revenge, which might not actually be the case.
KitKat
“Building on Anna’s thoughts about the decision not to change a past event:
Regardless of narcissistic status, there is merit in choosing the devil you know over the devil you don’t. The new reality created may be less desirable than the current one.
To illustrate:
Say H.G. chooses to change a traumatic event in his life, which in turn lessens his psychological trauma and he doesn’t develop narcissism.
He doesn’t become H.G.,therefore his unrivaled body of work ceases to exist, and thousands of people suffer from not having it.
One could argue that he would achieve greatness in a different area, but he never gets the chance since now ‘lil Empath H.G. dies at age 11 while attempting to rescue a colony of ants from a burning building.
Given the possibility for infinite amounts of alternative outcomes, the decision to alter the past is statistically risky.”
Absolutely like the butterfly effect. Without what happened, we would not be here on HG’s website with his vast knowledge of information.
HG “The response of the ineffective.”
My dear HG, maybe so. I am a Hedonist, I also am higher on machiavellianism. So I prefer to enjoy, relax and do not waste time on petty things like revenge.
You regard it as petty because you are unable to deliver it, therefore logical decision for you but not an approach that is universal. There are those of us who have the ability to deliver it and it is logical to do so.
Hello HG and NA,
I hope all is well with you both. NA, so good to see you commenting again. I think I see both sides to your discussion here.
The question was posed “*If* you could go back in time…”. HG states the obvious (as he does with most useless exercises that will not change reality, because it is not possible), what is done is done and lives in the past.
Like you NA, I had naturally assumed there would be one event HG would change specifically. But there is no point in considering that which is not possible.
I believe HG holds certain people responsible for that tragic event (in addition to holding the same people accountable for their unjustified blame and shame placed upon him that he did not deserve).
The only thing he can affect in reality is exacting a consequence for their treachery. Hence his plans for future revenge. HG, while I understand, it seems a small satisfaction given the enormity of the loss. I am not much for revenge, but I hope it brings you a measure of peace, though I am guessing satisfaction would be a more accurate result.
Please do let me know if I missed the mark.
Best regards to you both.
Hi FYC
Thank you.
Not where I was headed TS, but that’s on me. I understood what he wrote. Thanks.
NA,
I did think I might be missing something there! No worries.
Xx
TS, let’s not exaggerate this psychopathic mind 🙂
The past cannot be changed – this is a fact, that everyone, even the simplest mind, understands 🙂
———–
Delving into the past is simply a moment of escape from the present – which hurts too much sometimes.
Some people escape to a vision of a great future, others to the memory of a warm past, still others to sex here and now, others to games, or movies, or series, or various Facebook groups, or music, or this blog, or cooking with passion, or dedicated to helping the poor or animals, or in persistent service animayour master (male), or in 150 tattoo, or in 40 plastic surgery, or in buying 250 pair of shoes, or in gym every day, or in books, or in ecstatic composing songs, or in writing over and over…
Escape.
Stepping stone.
Redirection of thought or action.
Call it what you want.
A moment of change.
From my life.
From myself.
I think, it’s a perfectly natural thing.
If it helps you – do it 🙂
Just don’t fly too far 🙂
Otherwise… we could only wait to die.
———-
Revenge is the domain of the present. You are taking revenge for the feelings you have NOW. Though the events were past.
You can put it off for later – play with your mind, wait for an opportunity, plan or mplement procedures. But you are doing it NOW.
And when that moment comes, you will do it NOW.
The future is ONLY dreams.
Hey Joa,
I possibly wasn’t clear in my comment about a psychopathic mind.
My understanding is that a psychopath will not dwell on the past. They won’t escape into it as we do or even lament it. They can of course recall it, particularly if prompted to recall, but the past is done, thinking about it would be seen as a waste of time. To my knowledge, the thinking is far more action based. Action can be taken in the present and in the future to achieve a desired outcome.
Similarly, the psychopath won’t worry about what might or might not happen in the future. This likely ties in with lack of an emotional response to fear. Again it would be viewed as waste of time. Why worry about something that might not happen anyway? There is only factual information, decisions taken without emotion and action decided upon as and when the facts dictate.
Revenge does suggest an emotional reaction (fury) or in the case of a narcissist, a response to a threat to control. If past events threaten control then action will be taken either in the now or in the future. Given HG is a hybrid, to me at least, it would appear that the narcissism rather than the psychopathy is the driver for the revenge. As the Ultra, HG also has the capacity to plan, no emotional or knee jerk reactions.
I don’t believe that HG sits and revisits events in his childhood as we might do. I believe he takes action to rectify those events, to redress the balance I suppose. I don’t believe there is an emotional reaction to certain key dates and events that came to light in the KHG series. I believe that we would like to believe that is the case. The visits taken in the snow, the running of the fountain on key dates (KHG) I believe are actions taken to fuel the fire of revenge, to keep it present and on the radar. I see those actions as a reminder that action is still to be taken rather than being a sentimental reminder of people or past events.
This is what I meant. Yes, we all know that we can’t go back in time and change past events, but the difference is we often wish that we could, or, we think back and chastise ourselves for things we did or didn’t do, it wouldn’t play like that with a psychopath.
Xx
“A method of assessment of the worth of an individual to society and if it falls below a certain standard we disincentivise that individual.”
And what exactly is it that you would be deterring them from doing?
Existing, obviously.
“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realise half of them are stupider than that.”
George Carlin.
I thought that was pretty funny to be fair.
Here’s hoping I scrape into the upper quartile before the commencement of Tudor law.
Quite an upsetting answer. Ceasing to exist is an extremely severe consequence for someone whose only transgression is being deemed subpar. Surely they can be of *some* use, even if just as entertainment. I’m disappointed in your nonchalance at wasting such valuable commodities.
They are not valuable if I deem them surplus to requirement.
KitKat, I took this statement from HG very positively. There are individuals, that I would eliminate from society immediately, without batting an eyelid.
I consider their continued existence very harmful. Individuals, who went a step too far, crossing (only in their mind) the line between human and “god”, and began to decide about the life and death of other people.
So, they should experience their own “genius”. Death for death.
Of course, I don’t know what criteria HG uses and what scale he had in mind.
Well at least let them battle it out, a la Colosseum. Battle Royal, The Running Man. The popcorn sales alone would be worth it.
@HG, how would the existence of people whom you deem surplus to requirement (such as disabled people) be disincentivised? Legalized euthanasia or some other form of extermination? I have no worth to society with a degenerative disease that probably won’t mercifully kill me for 20 more years, but even THINKING about suicide in the U.S. will get you arrested and held prisoner/tortured in a hospital psychiatric “emergency” room. When the ‘psychtriaist’ finally shows up to see you, you’re ready to lie and say you don’t want to die anymore and they release you with a whole NEW case of PTSD until you stop talking about it and just DO it. The problem is getting the MEANS if you’ve ever expressed the desire to relieve the world of worthless people, putting, ahem, ‘them’ in a double bind. Forced existence is cruelty, IMHO.
I did not state that disabled people are surplus to requirement, my method of evaluation of somebody’s usefulness/lack of usefulness to society takes into account many factors and a disabled person may well rank well above some degenerate able bodied scum bag.
It is a paradox. A society is a collection of people. No one adds worth to a society. So everyone is out. We now no longer have a society. Therefore, everyone can come back. But now we have a society again. So everyone goes out. Ad infinitum.
All I’m saying is that a few extra palm leaf fanners or grape-peelers is nothing to sneeze at.
I apologize Dorette, my precious response wasn’t toward your specific comment but the thread’s. The way this blog is setup makes long conversations difficult to follow.
Comments to this post actually. Thank you.
The answer of the first question is highly appreciated. Thanks again for your service.
HG’s first answer lightened my heart. Very convergent. Although we probably use a slightly different assessment of value for society.
The next ones made me smile softly 🙂
The last answer is annoying, question after question. My daughter loves this method, when she wants to annoy me 🙂 I learned to answer her back then the same. Although I’m not as fast as her… But sometimes something cool will come out and we can laugh 🙂
—————
I wish people would talk about themselves, about what they feel and how they see the world 🙂
“Mirosveta says:
2. What song would you say best sums you up?
HG Tudor says:
2. Unstoppable Force”
HG, you mean Agent Steel’s Unstoppable Force?
Ha ha ha, thanks for a huge dose of humor 😀
This song is so different from HG from my imagination, that I got a shock 😀
Damn, 4 in the morning, I took the phone because I just wanted (no sense) to check how much time was left until dawn, I don’t know how I got here, but it made me laugh so much, that I won’t fall asleep now 🙂
Hi JOA,
I was thinking the same as you, this song is nothing like I imagine HG. 😂
JOA,
Maybe there’s another artist, who made another song, titled the same?? Xx
Joa,
Sleep is important, so it sucks that my post lead to you not getting enough sleep, even if it was for an uplifting reason. :\ :*
Yes, I was surprised by this song choice as well. 🙂 That is why I was moved to ask if that really is the right one.
HG, I’m taking your silence on this one as a confirmation.
You may do that if you wish but it does not mean that it is confirmation.
I don’t think HG had a specific song in mind. It was just an appropriate title.
Maybe The Doubleclicks version? The lyrics are apt (in part).
https://youtu.be/QgNyYRQlILM
– I’m moving too fast to remember to worry
– there are things that I do, you think should be addressed
and you say the word proud when you should say impressed
– I don’t want your tips, I don’t care that they’re free
you’ve been around, but you’ve never been me
– if you were creative, productive, or smart
if you demonstrated you knew how to art
I would listen, but you barely leave your own station
You’ve only got mass, I have acceleration
– I’m an unstoppable force
and you’re an immovable object
🤘
JOA,
Double click’s song, does sound like HG, I think it’s the one HG was referring to. The Agent Steel song was positively dreadful and didnt bring HG to mind, when i heard it. The beat was good, music was good, but the singer…not so much…my opinion, nothing more….xx
JOA,
After listening to Doubleclick’s song, I’m laughing at myself. I read the lyrics without listening to it first and it sounds like a kid’s song. 😄 How funny is that? 😂 xx
HG,
I do not wish to assume things about you. That is why I asked in the first place.
I recognize that whether you respond to our questions or not it is solely for you to decide.
I appreciate your answers when they come and accept that they may never come.
I noticed, that your silence is often read by people on the forum as confirmation, based on the assumption that you would correct them if they were wrong.
I wanted to know if that was applicable to my question about the song. Now I understand it was not.
This makes me cautious about any other assumptions that might have been made based on reading your silence as confirmation, and the misunderstandings coming from that.
You were vague with your first answer by only providing the song title, then you were silent when I asked a follow up question, and now you are vague with your answer to my prodding.
On my end the result is that I don’t understand what song you were referring to, if there even is a song you were referring to, and what point were you making there. I get that getting a reaction is fuel for you, so this is fuel.
I thought I was asking a simple question, now frankly I regret doing so. It was just a fun, not important question. That is how I interpret it, anyway, but maybe it was a different kind of question from your perspective. Maybe the way I asked was annoying to you.
I don’t understand what is the point of this exercise if you provide non answers when you yourself wrote here “No question is off limits and if you want to establish a dialogue with me, then so much the better.” If you did not answer in the first place then that would be that. But what is the purpose of a vague answer other then to provoke. If so, you got me.
Maybe the point is to understand that my caring enough to ask is the problem. Because I shouldn’t have, as you wrote elsewhere. I know that you don’t care one way or another and I am not entitled to getting a response or an answer from you.
Peace out.
Read the rules.
HG,
I wrote this because I wanted to understand. Now I see I was out of line. I read the rules. Rule 17 is absolute. I respect that.
Thank you for all your replies and your work.
I love your work because it allowed me to see with clarity a lot of what I sensed before but did not understand. Looks like I still have a lot to learn.
I will now turn to my default silent observer mode.
Thank you HG.
Re-examined the rules and saw that the protocols in place describe this *exact* situation, which means it has happened so many times that it required its own rule.
No wonder you get bored with people.
Indeed.
HG,
When you told me to read the rules I understood that I was out of line, but I did not understand why.
I was confused because I did not understand what happened in our exchange.
From my side it looked like I kept asking for clarity and you kept being unclear on purpose. I read your lack of clarity as you being aggressive. This made me question the point of asking you questions.
To that you responded by pointing to the rules, but without explanation.
I read the rules but could not see which rule you were referring to.
I assumed you meant rule 17 which in this context I understood as: I don’t have to explain anything to you. I accepted it, because that is true. I respect that this is your house and your rules.
But that did not explain the issue I was referring to. It made me think that you were in effect silencing me. That left me feeling confused and unwelcome here.
After KitKat’s response, which pointed to the fact that it was obvious which rule you were referring to, I read the rules again and thought about it.
I looked at rule 16. I dismissed it before because I was not haranguing for my comment to be answered, I specifically said this two times that I know and accept that you are in no way obliged to answer. I was however speaking for clarity in the face of your evasive tactics being used aggressively on the forum. That is what I thought. But maybe I was being passive aggressive.
I reflected on this and now I see that I was being aggressive and acting entitled. I did not realise this. I am generally not stupid, but sometimes I can be very stupid and blind.
I was gaslighted throughout my childhood. My narcissist mother LMRNV was using rage attacks and passive aggression. My father, who is a normal, always took her side. I was the scapegoat.
I always had a strong need to understand what was going on, because I often felt confused and unsafe. I could sense that something was off, I could point out inconsistencies, but I could not understand the reasons behind them. When I spoke up, I was invalidated and silenced.
The way my mind works is that I sometimes see beyond what others see, I look for the big picture, but I at times do not see things that for others are obvious.
This combined means that I ask questions or express myself in a manner that can be too intense, direct and confrontational. In my mind I do this not to be aggressive but because I want clarity. I want to understand. Because to me understanding the situation, equals to being safe.
I can come across as aggressive and passive aggressive, when that is not my intention. When people react to me with aggression or passive aggression themselves, I feel attacked and upset that I have upset them. I withdraw from the interaction, which again can be read as me being passive aggressive. At this point I just don’t understand what happened and so I step back to protect myself, to stop the hurt and to figure it out. I don’t like conflict. I can feel it, when somebody is upset. I also feel hurt, when I hurt somebody, so I try not to do that on purpose unless I really have to. But besides this, it is likely that I do have issues with being passive aggressive. Expressing anger openly at my childhood home was something that only my mother was allowed to do.
This case is different. I was triggered by the song question fallout specifically, but also by the occasional lack of clarity in communication on the forum in general. I was projecting when I saw your lack of clarity as aggressive. It was often used in this way against me. I overreacted and lashed out in what I perceived to be self protection.
I think I felt as if you owed me clarity here, especially since you are the person who explained so many crucial things to me. The person, who helped me make sense of my life.
I know that is wrong, you don’t owe me anything. No one owes anything to me. I know that. I know better than to think that.
I did not realise that I was in fact acting entitled. Now I do.
I see that I was passive aggressive in my comments. This is not the way I want to act going forward. I am sorry.
Please, if you see me acting in a way that is problematic, tell me directly like I am stupid, because I sometimes am.
Thank you HG and KitKat for pointing this out to me.
Does this explanation make sense to you, or is there something else that I am failing to see here?
Dear crowcatmk, I have to virtually scold you and hug you.
You worry too much.
You back off too quickly.
You’ve been explaining too long.
Both the song, you posted, and the text about confirmation for silence – I received it with a smile. Thank you for giving me that smile – I appreciate every little one.
I don’t think such trifles would offend HG or anyone other than… bottom-level Narcissists.
Distance to yourself and the ability to laugh at yourself are very important and helpful in life.
Humans are stronger than you think. You won’t knock them down with a funny comparison or even a bad word spoken in a moment of fatigue or anger.
Hurt others – it happens even to the best.
If you feel the need, write. Don’t lock yourself in a dark drawer. Courage!
Dear Joa,
I always overthink, this might just be my personality. Backing off is a temporary survival strategy.
I may have over explained that is true, but back then I wanted my position to be clear.
I am glad you found a reason to smile. I agree that it is a very good thing.
I don’t know what HG thinks, he didn’t say.
I agree that distance to self and ability to laugh at yourself is helpful in dealing with life.
In my experience humans in general are fragile psychologically, that is what makes them dangerous to others. If people were strong they would not need a scapegoat, both collectively and individually, and they would protect others from being treated like that.
Like if I was acting from strength before I would not have lashed out. I would have the ability to view it with detachment and remain stable. But I realised what I still have to work on and heal, so at least that is good. It is always a work in progress.
Thank you for your encouragement. This means a lot to me. Hugs.
Regarding 2: thank God you are not my neighbour…
This reply is for CCMK.
I am going to step over a bit of a line here and ask whether you’ve been diagnosed with any form of neurodivergence, CC. Specifically ASD but not necessarily.
I’m just curious.
Hey Annaamel,
I was never assessed for ASD. I was diagnosed with Dyslexia. It is mild.
I know that diagnosing ASD is often difficult, especially in adults who are masking. I can relate to some symptoms, but I don’t think I’m on the spectrum. It’s mostly CPTSD and the INFJ curse in my case.
HG, I recall people a conversation a while ago suggesting (including me?) in you telling your partner about you as an individual. RE: this comment https://narcsite.com/2019/01/19/ice-cold-with-alex-3/#comment-240472 I understand why you did not because it could have been similar to my initial ‘reaction’ when I read “narcissistic psychopath” 2.5 years ago, it was like a ‘oh, fk’ moment. That was based on my lack of knowledge about you, and I am so glad I did not deviate (ie not subscribe) just because I saw those words, the “label”. Basically what you have done, is allowed Shieldmaiden to get to know the “increased awareness” person that you were at the time you started the formal relationship with her and since then, you have gained more awareness about yourself. I also understand why you are not using your relationship with Shieldmaiden as “proof” that a relationship with ie an unaware narcissist can work (part of your comment “In summary therefore, it can work for me. It is impossible for most narcissists and unlikely for Greaters”). Hence the separate “school”, the Ultra. I have just finished reading 3 separate threads which were extremely insightful and explained a lot, they also ‘backed’ up my approach of ‘seeing’ beyond your “labels”. It’s about forward thinking, applying analytical and lateral open-mindedness. Again, kudos to you, for your all you have achieved to date, and, thank you 🙂 xxx
https://narcsite.com/2019/01/19/ice-cold-with-alex-3/#comment-241112
This is not what most would say makes a normal, healthy relationship. But then, who is anyone to say what actually does.
HG, was I incorrect in stating previously that your increased awareness would only make you a more effective narcissist, not a more empathic or more “normal” person? If so, I owe a few people an apology.
No.
Thank you for the reply HG.
HG, just a quick question. While reading over this thread a thought popped into my mind. Have you ever met an Empath and I’m thinking it would be a super, that on first meeting you, she appeared distant and aloof and wanting to get away from you (as they felt and sensed what you are)? Or, as I imagine, you have charmed your way past their heavily guarded fortress to the inner sanctum? I am thinking it is the latter but I could be wrong.
Best,
DB
No, I have not had somebody who on first meeting wanted to get away from me. Later on, well that is a different story.
HG,
With reference to DB’s comment about the SE and aloof.
Do you generally find the SE to be more aloof, more guarded during the first few meetings?
No.
Ok, thank you HG.
What if it were a weaponized graduate of Tudor U? Is there any way we can ever hope to ‘pass’ for a Normal? (Or a Greater Narcissist?)
Is there anyone at all who isn’t charmed by you at first?
As for the later on part, does it turn into a horror movie? Oh wow, I just thought how cool it would be if you wrote a screenplay for a movie about how that scenario goes! Although it seems to me I’ve seen that movie theme several times already. But if YOU wrote it, it would be even more exceptional.
Then again, ‘Silence of the Lambs’ did win a Best Picture Oscar. Oo, ARE you an author or screen writer??? Did YOU write Silence of the Lambs? If not, do you think it was written by a narcissist? Although you can never win too many awards. And we can never have too many great psychological thrillers–and be glad we’re not IN them! Especially with a character like Hannibal Lector because … isn’t he a psychiatrist? He definitely knows how to mess with people’s minds. So I’d suspect it would take a narcissist with that kind of knowledge to be able to create such a convincing character as he. It’s a good thing you don’t like people. (With some fava beans and a nice chianti!)
1. No and why would you, being a weaponised empath is what will keep you safe.
2. Yes, if I decide not to charm them.
Hi HG and Susan,
I’m responding to the comment from Susan about the Hannibal Lector character she mentions….It’s funny that you think of Hannibal Lector ‘s character in comparison to HG, because I thought to compare the two also. Like you, Susan, I found a lot of similarities between them and like you, I hope the cannibal thing isn’t a mutual enjoyment , between the two of them, though HG does mention having roasted empath for dinner….Let’s hope HG isn’t actually eating them. 😂 *As I laugh nervously* That idea just opens all kinds of horror doors for me, I think I’ll go get my teddy and blanket now….xx
This is to Susan and Rebecca talking about HG in relation to Hannibal Lecter
First of all guys it is Lecter, with e not o.
And I admit I may be a bit crazy about this, so I apologize in advance but it just kills me inside when I see people spell it wrong.
In the books by Thomas Harris and the films with Anthony Hopkins and the series with Mads Mikkelsen, it is always Hannibal Lecter.
There is one exception, in the 1986 film Manhunter with Brian Cox his surname is different, but it is spelled Lektor, with k and o.
So there is no version where this characters surname is actually Lector save for misspellings. He is not a character known for reading aloud from the Bible during the church service.
Now to HG being like Lecter.
No.
It is a common association because of the brilliant, self aware, psychopath advising people part. It was my own first association too, except I thought about the Mikkelsen version, which is much more refined compared to the books or to Hopkins’s or Cox’s versions which are quite hammy to be honest.
Anyway I think this is a bad comparison either way. Hannibal Lecter is a fictional character that does not correspond to how an actual person with APD would act. Also I don’t think Lecter is a narcissist, certainly he is narcissistic, but he does not pursue prime aims. His reasons for manipulating people stem from his boredom and curiosity about what will happen, what he can make people do if he plays them just right.
HG tells us openly about his own diagnosis and gives us knowledge that we can then use to help ourselves. While he definitely is potentially dangerous in real life and enjoys playing with people, I think it would defeat the purpose if he gave us wrong information here in relation to his HG Tudor work. Lecter would deceive. So I think comparing them is somewhat unfair and confusing. Personality wise, even though HG is a shapeshifter, they are also very different.
And since this subject came up here. The Hannibal tv series is a remixed fan fiction version of the story, where a lot of focus is on the character of Will Graham, who is an empath, a contagion I think. The relationship dynamic between Lecter and Graham is very interesting. So it is my viewing recommendation for anyone interested. It is violent and heavy but also very poetic and beautiful.
Crowcat,
Fully agree with you on the tv series Hannibal. It’s excellent. I agree with you, will Graham has Contagion as one of his schools if not his lead school.
Still my top tv series of all time!
Xx
Anthony Hopkins is simply an EXCELLENT actor. I have nothing more to say about it. Dot.
Rebecca, sometimes I get carried away by my imagination too – and how much! Uuuuuulala, ha ha ha 🙂
Hi HG and crowcatmk,
My comparison to Hannibal, the Anthony Hopkins’ character version, and HG is nothing more than a comparison of similarities and my imagination. I have a very active imagination and I’m aware the character, Hannibal, isn’t a real person and so, misses all the complexity of a real human being . HG and Hannibal have similarities, they’re not an exact match and no exact match perfection was intended. I know Hannibal wasn’t a narcissist, more like narcissistic because he had an attachment to his younger sister, which narcissist don’t have.
The hammy bit , you mentioned about the Hannibal character, Is yet another similarity with HG, HG has an excellent sense of humour and its dark at times.
I meant the comparison between Hannibal and HG to be a compliment and a little tease about my imagination with HG. It’s not a scientific match, just a lighthearted comparison, as you can tell with my comment about needing my teddy and blanket….I don’t really need my teddy and blanket, when I think of HG…it’s a joke.
Comparing Hannibal and HG isn’t a “bad” comparison, as you called it. They do have similarities, so it’s not a bad comparison. A bad comparison would be comparing a donkey to a washing machine. They have no similarities, so that’s a bad comparison.
Sorry for misspelling ‘Lecter’/’Lektor.’ I actually did see the movie ‘Manhunter’ before ‘Silence of the Lambs’ came out, but I do remember the award-winning Silence of the Lambs better. Brian Cox is a good actor, as is Anthony Hopkins. Sir Anthony is also autistic–like me. Which makes me wonder whether a normal or empathetic actor would really be capable of playing a psychopath–that nebulous, undefined term that has so many different meanings, but it seems to me one of them, besides ASPD, would be the lack of a conscience … or do ASPD or NPD already imply the lack of a conscience if one doesn’t feel guilt or remorse or emotional empathy? It seems to me that in order to do the things Hannibal did even in the first book, he would have to have no conscience.
Oops, I’m tying my brain in knots now (overthinking again, which is one of the things autistic people do!) wondering if autism might give a person an advantage in the field of acting, which has always been one of my ‘special interests.’ Especially those of us who typically go undiagnosed till well into adulthood because we’re too good at ‘masking’ (acting) to try to fit in. But we don’t end up fitting in anyway but seen as being a bit weird, or quirky, or shy, or as one of my ex-sister’s friends who had been my work colleague so tactfully put it, ‘a free spirit.’ Aw, shucks. [Insert ‘laughing eyeroll emoji here.’] BUT … once we figure out what the ‘rules’ are, we’re really good at following them. So, I imagine, give us a script (i.e., the instruction manual), let us throw a bit of our natural creativity into it, and we could improve on the original. That’s exactly what author George R.R. Martin said about Paddy Considine’s interpretation of his character in ‘House of the Dragon,’ and I’ve heard him give a number of interviews revealing exactly how he decided to play the character.
Paddy is also autistic, and if he doesn’t get at least an Emmy nomination for that role, I might … I don’t know, give Twitter more pieces of my mind if it’s still in business and I’m still there? or spontaneously combust??? He had me in tears for about an HOUR at the end of his last episode, which I did NOT expect because the ending was very predictable … apart from his ad lib at the end that they kept in and that’s what got the waterworks flowing–and it turned out I had read his motivation throughout the season correctly! Then again, if you’ve ever seen him in ‘Dead Man’s Shoes,’ which he co-wrote, you know he can also play a highly affecting character with no conscience, without having attended any formal acting school. His real personality seems very empathetic to me. Like I want to meet him and be autistic together talking for hours about acting! But NOT mention boxing to him because that’s his other really serious ‘special interest’ that would put me to sleep. He doesn’t actually box in RL; he’s just a fan who can go on and on talking about every boxer who ever lived and all their statistics, and … zzz. Oops, sorry! (Now let’s wait till I start Season 3 of ‘Peaky Blinders,’ which I’m finally just up to, before I decide how I feel about him since his performance in that is exceptionally memorable from what I hear due to its odiousness!)
MOST of my favorite actors, by contrast, are probably NOT autistic and graduated from the SAME acting school, RADA, which, to my surprise, I recently found out David Warner HATED. And I admit I don’t know that much about Anthony Hopkins, but Rada graduates (or the ones I like) ALL have the same thing in common: They all play really GREAT villains–the kind you love to hate … or hate to love. And, if you read some of the Timothy Spall interviews I have (easiest interview subject EVER; he can talk forever with the slightest prompting and still be fascinating!), he’s come out and said that if you have to play a villain, there’s always some good in them, and your job as an actor is to bring that out in the character or try to express why they’re like that. And all my favorite actors do that: They’re evil, but you still kind of feel sorry for them at the same time. Like the time we were in a chatroom decades ago discussing which David Warner character we’d most want to be killed by, and hands-down it was … Jack the Ripper! And one person came up with the perfect explanation: ‘Because you know David Warner would never really hurt you.’ Which is absolutely TRUE! He HATED playing villains, even moreso being TYPECAST as them, but he just saw acting as a job for him, a way to pay the bills, and he once said the ONLY role he ever turned down was Hitler! (Because he was 6’2″ and too tall to play Hitler. Yeah, uh-huh. He had other reasons not to want to play Hitler than that; directors & cinematographers have ways of making short people look tall & vice versa; I know cuz I’ve met my heroes, and you’d be surprised how small some actors are whose official height is listed as 5’8″ yet they were like the same height as me & totally unassuming & kind, leaving me wondering how they managed to get this RL ‘teddy bear’ to convincingly beat up someone who was probably at LEAST three inches taller than him! He DID play Reinhardt Heydrich TWICE even though he absolutely hated THAT role and it became his first Emmy nomination!)
Sorry I just seem to be rambling, but I think the thing that makes us love villains in movies and the actors who play them (e.g., Tom Hiddleston, another Rada grad I’m pretty sure, as Loki) is that they actually ARE nice, if not downright EMPATHIC people whose real personality comes through if you see enough of their work. Or, with Tom, enough interviews where he’ll do any ridiculous thing the interviewer asks him to do. Speak French, get up and dance even though he doesn’t WANT to, pillow fight, sing alternate lyrics to a song with them, do impressions of other actors …. even run back into a crowd when he has somewhere else to be to give an autograph to the one person he missed.
But, as HG has told us, many of the best-loved villains and love stories were written by narcissists!
Ironically, Ralph Fiennes didn’t get into Rada … but his brother Joseph did. Anybody see him give Voldemort any redeeming qualities? Cuz I didn’t! (I stopped liking him after I read about his cheating and a ‘Mile High Club’ incident at HIS instigation that got a stewardess fired.
BTW, if anybody’s curious what we talked with Geoffrey Rush about for like FOUR SOLID HOURS shortly after he won his Tony, it was mostly … ACTING. (He just MAY be autistic. AND an empath! Honestly one of the nicest human beings I’ve ever met, and it’s not fake at all! I want to be killed by Barbossa! Wait, did Barbossa ever actually kill anyone onscreen???)
Anyway, back to Hannibal, yes, this was the EXACT comparison I was making with HG: ‘It is a common association because of the brilliant, self aware, psychopath advising people part.’ PLUS he’s advising people on how to catch others of his kind (sight unseen) who are inferior to him! (I was joking about the nice chanti and some fava beans. Uh, as long as HG was joking about his favorite meal being ‘roast empath,’ that is.
HG, I won’t ask if you were joking because you probably won’t answer, but I am curious what wine goes best with roast empath. (As a near-teetotaler who genuinely can’t stand the taste of alcohol, and definitely not a wine conoiseur–although I know people who are, albeit not cannibals–I mean, my favorite is whatever tastes the most like grape juice, like, say, a discounted Rosé out of a box–just in case someone who doesn’t have an qualms about personally removing otherwise useless people from society, allows me some last words so I can pass on your wisdom and at least contribute by making a nice, very tender meal for somebody more useful than myself.)
BTW, it was very nice of you to call me a weaponized empath, but I’m not sure I’m quite there just yet. So are you saying once an empath, always an empath? An empath can never aspire just to be normal? Or do we have incurable Empathic Personality Disorder requiring psychological weapons in order to play the ROLE of a normal person?
Oh! Here’s another QUESTION for when you get around to the next video on narcissism versus autism: Do you think autistic people are born with natural empathic tendencies because we’re just too trusting? I know it’s very easy to take advantage of & bully us, especially when we’re undiagnosed all our lives and don’t know what’s ‘wrong’ with us why we can’t just ‘act like a normal person.’ I’m also interested in Harry Thompson’s question to you about whether you can be BOTH autistic AND a narcissist since you said yes. What would that be like? (I suspect my father might be both! That gene had to have come from somewhere, and I doubt it was my outgoing mother, who CHOSE to spend her time in the nursing home as close to all the noise and activity as possible, whereas my father used to get up and yell at me for putting away my clothes in my bedroom closet at 9 or 10 p.m. on laundry night after he’d gone to bed no matter HOW quiet I tried to be, thinking I’d done good by getting all my laundry done–AND ironing his shirts! Everything had to be done just so for him!)
Hi Susan,
Seeing as you like a good villain. I wonder if you saw the depiction of Moriarty in the Sherlock series?
I thought Andrew Scott was brilliant. He played ‘unhinged’ extremely well. If he was portraying a psychopath I’d have to say he was inconsistent, but I think in the scene below he was closer.
https://youtu.be/YN7DYPJLXkc
Thought you might like it if you haven’t seen it before.
Xx
Okay, thank you HG. The last part of your answer, I’m trying not to imagine. Thank you.
Best,
DB
Do tell…?
HG, do you know your Myers-Briggs type? If yes, could you share? (https://www.16personalities.com/personality-types)
Never mind I searched “Myers Briggs” and got my answer 🙃
This test ’16 personalities’ is not reliable, because it focuses on surface behaviours, on what a type is most likely to appear as. It is OK if you are just doing it for fun, but if you are seriously considering it as a tool for understanding your personality then I recommend reading about all the cognitive functions stacks of the types.
I think there is some value to MBTI, but only if you dig into the methodology. Otherwise it is fun but can be misleading. I for the longest time was convinced I was a different type. Knowing which one you are can help you to understand your own blind spots and the differences between communication styles of the types. It is not a science of course (actually only the super general big 5 test is viewed as reliable), but it can make you appreciate how differently people perceive the world.
And as far as I know, HG said somewhere on the blog that he never took this test, and somewhere else he said that he is an ESTJ.
I took the original MBTI at work back in 1993 (supposedly a ‘team-building exercise’) before I had any idea what it was. It was administered by someone who was officially authorized to give the copyrighted test, and it doesn’t focus only on SURFACE behaviors. I’ve taken it NUMEROUS times since then in various forms on the web and get the SAME type every time. The percentages vary over time, but I’ve gotten the SAME result on at least 6 differerent variations of the test online. So the ’16 Personalities’ version seems accurate to me. (My husband of almost 10 years took it, and it describes him to a T too.) I’ve got a couple of books on what the types mean and how they interact, so there is some benefit to it. Also, I’ve become fairly good at guessing other people’s types, and if I had to guess HG’s type, it would be ESTJ. (Incidentally the EXACT opposite to mine, the second-rarest type–and probably the most attractive to narcissists! Run away, run away!!! *sigh* Why do I never take my own advice?).
Oo, okay, serious QUESTION for HG: Which MBTI type do you think is the most attractive (lowest-hanging fruit) for narcissists? (ALL the types are described in detail on the “16 Personalities” website for anyone to read.)
Hi Susan (and hi crewcut!) I asked this question on a whim because I saw HG’s answer to a Harry Potter quiz on here. I don’t take Myers Briggs too seriously, but I don’t dismiss it either.
I’ve taken the test with two separate narcissists during our golden period, and both of them got the exact same result as me–imagine that!
I’ve always found that to be funny since I learned about the construct and mirroring.
I agree it is not reliable. I apparently am an ENTJ. I was shocked as I did a DNA test which said my genetics say that I am supposed to be an introvert.
I guess though that is the nature vs nurture debate.
I would also love to know what HG has though. ESTJ sounds interesting. Apparently the supervisor.
Supposedly I am a commander. Hilarious. I can believe it. For a woman I am incredibly disagreeble.
So basically
Please HG divulge to us your results of this test. We are all dying to know.
Dear HG,
Has your favorite type of empath changed for you, or have you liked the same type ?? Xx
Another question is, why is that type of empath, your favorite?? Xx Thanks
Oo, did he SAY what his favorite type of empath is??? Yes, please answer this one, HG–and what type is it? (Hmm, is your FAVORITE type the same as the lowest-hanging-fruit type, or do you prefer a bit of a challenge?) How FAST should I run? Oh, and, while I’m running, what’s your LEAST favorite travel destination?
Hello Susan–
HG has said that his favorite empath (for an IPPS) is a magnet super; “100 K interview number eight.” He’s also said somewhere (don’t remember where) that all empaths are better as secondary sources than tertiary. Better fuel provision, I think was the stated reason.
If you want to know more about magnet cadre and super school, you can search YouTube on “Knowing the Narcissist Magnet empath” and “Knowing the Narcissist super empath” (Knowing the Narcissist is HG’s former channel.)
There are also a few other videos about the super empath on HG’s main channel, “HG Tudor super empath” in the search should work.
LEAST favorite travel destination for him…I don’t recall that question being asked before. But his favorite vacation location, I believe, was “Scotland.”
HG, if this is not to impertinent of me to ask, but what class of Empath is Shieldmaiden? You have been with Shieldmaiden for quite some time now and I am delighted for you that things are going so well. Sheildmaiden’s empathy is quite clearly the potent fuel that you require and (please do excuse me asking this next part, but I have often wondered), are you playing ball in the relationship or have you been playing up? What I am essentially trying to ask is, what is it about Shieldmaiden that differs from all your other girlfriends. What qualities does Shieldmaiden have that you admire the most? (HG, I am not trying to be nosy, please don’t think that, I am just fascinated about your relationship with Shieldmaiden and delighted that you are very happy with her). As I said previously to you, I think Shieldmaiden brings out a certain cuddly side to you, there was a difference in your approach to the blog after you got with her, and that is a great thing and I am just curious, based on some of the previous answers in this thread that you have given specifically regarding the difference with your personality (the narcissism and psychopathy), the narcissism, you require the prime aims, but specifically referring to the psychopathy, what qualities does Shieldmaiden bring to the relationship that fuels and satisfies you from that respect.
Best,
DB
Super magnet as I have explained before.
I do not do happy, as I have stated before. Pay attention.
I do not have a cuddly side, it is ridiculous to state that.
@Dani,
Interesting! I read the Super Empath and Magnet empath blogs (couldn’t find the videos) and BOTH of those describe my mother! Probably the only reason she stayed married for 63 years to my narc-father … and he didn’t decide to break her till four years before she died at 81. It seems to me that in every long-term narc-empath pairing I’ve known, the empath dies young. Then again, if she hadn’t married him, she probably would’ve married some other narcissist! EVERYBODY loved my mother. Even my father claimed he did, much to my surprise, although I think he’s a Middle to Upper Mid-Ranger–as in he doesn’t know he’s a narcissist and that, therefore, what he calls ‘love’ is NOT real love. (I think my mother was just born to be a mother and take care of everyone; it’s what she LIVED for–until someone, other than my father, whom she started dating when she was 15 & felt sorry for, so she was very forgiving–the empath’s Achilles Heel–crossed the line with her, and she’d either recognize the person as a ‘blowhard,’ as she called one of my ex BFs, or, if they didn’t get the message by her politely avoiding them, I heard her give one–my late aunt’s narc BF at her funeral–a serious piece of her mind to ensure he knew he was persona-non-grata!
(I think he was probably a Lesser, possibly upper, although he couldn’t hold down a job; he was a loudmouth drunk & kind of fits the description of an ‘affable a-hole’ to me. But my mother partially blamed him for her younger sister’s long, drawn-out death at age 66, and I agree. Her kids couldn’t stand him either. I just wouldn’t have had the nerve to say what my mother said to him at the funeral home–after everyone else had left & I was the only one within earshot since she never would have made a scene in front of everyone–she always told me ‘you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar,’ not that I ever learned to DO it the way she did; she had that Irish talent for telling a person to go to hell and making them look forward to the trip–but HE made the mistake of approaching HER at the WRONG time, & since that was the last time we ever had to see him, I was pretty shocked by the way she pulled no punches.)
The problem between her & my father was that I think he got jealous when I was born & he was no longer her #1 priority and had to SHARE her attention with me.
Meanwhile … I still have to check out 100K Interview #8. Sounds interesting! Thanks!
@Susan
I’m so sorry that I just saw your reply to me earlier today. I’m glad you found the articles, and if you’re still interested in watching the videos, I put together a few playlists.
Here are a few playlists, containing HG’s excellent videos (Please hit the thumbs up and leave him a comment. He deserves it.):
Here’s a playlist with just the videos about the Super Empath:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9eQXqiPz4no&list=PLLXKI8kUNpBBgMlRa_yEUQpBrowczX3OQ
HG has talked about super empaths more in various interviews/lives and such, but the videos on the above list are all exclusively about the super empath. I included the video “Corden vs. Patrick Stewart.” HG says that Sir Patrick Stewart is a super empath, so I thought seeing a video analysis of a super empath vs a narcissist might be of interest to you as well. HG loathes Corden (whispers…a***hole) with the fiery passion of ten thousand suns, or more…
Here is a playlist with the cadres that HG has made videos for: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CeDQzP4bD1U&list=PLLXKI8kUNpBBLq2qNXfxMzBPgzMuhZFMv
Let me know if either list doesn’t work. I may have erred how I made them. Also, happy to make more playlists of HG’s videos. There are some on the old channel that aren’t on “The Ultra” channel and they’re absolutely wonderful. It’s also been fascinating to watch HG change his presentation style.
HG what’s your Hogwarts house percentage break down?
https://www.buzzfeed.com/eleanorbate/accurate-af-sorting-quiz
“Your Slytherin ambition combined with a typically Ravenclaw-esque thirst for wisdom means you are destined to go far in life. People often consider you to be aloof and unapproachable – and they may actually be right – as your passion for knowledge and success far outweighs your need for close relationships. For you, true friendships are rare, but you are smart enough to hold onto those you deem worthy of your affection.
Your slight compatibility with Gryffindor house hints at an underlying desire for adventure that may manifest itself in a love of travel or trying new things.”
Hahaha!
The ending was the same for me.
But, just the ending 🙂
You answered! YAY!!!! 😃
I wanted the percentages as well, but I won’t push it
Hi Witch,
Fun quiz! I got the Gryffindor House. 35% Gryffindor, 28% Ravenclaw, 19% Hufflepuff and 18% Slytherin. I got compared to Hermoine. 😂
@ Rebecca
Nice! My wife is Gryffindor
If I choose to be considered for ravenclaw it’s
38% Ravenclaw, 25% Slytherin, 21% Gryffindor, and 16% Hufflepuff!
If I choose to be considered for Slytherin it’s:
30% Ravenclaw, 28% Slytherin, 25% Gryffindor, and 17% Hufflepuff!
I’m learning more towards being considered for Slytherin
Because I believe you have to answer a riddle every time you want to enter the ravenclaw dorms. I’d be homeless … I can’t be bothered with all of that. I’m not that enthusiastic about life. I’d be late for half my classes anyway
Hi Witch,
This result from this quiz was like the results of the Empath Detector for me, I was a mix in that too. 😂
Hi Witch, what a great fun quiz. Thanks for sharing. So glad HG answered too.
I got the following:-
“You Are 35% Gryffindor, 29% Slytherin, 21% Ravenclaw, and 15% Hufflepuff!
“Like Harry Potter himself, your allegiances definitely lie with Gryffindor, but Slytherin may be a better fit for you than you’d originally think. Your passion for adventure, excitement, and new experiences means that Gryffindor is the perfect place for you. You are fiercely loyal to your closest friends – sometimes even to a fault – and the recklessness and optimism that comes with being a Gryffindor combined with the ambition of Slytherin will ensure that you go far in life.
Your slight compatibility with Ravenclaw house hints at an appreciation for knowledge and wisdom, though they are not priorities for you.”
There’s a little bit of Hufflepuff quirkiness in there too I’m sure. All the best people do.
As usual, I was a mix of everything 🙂
Three houses almost equally + a large advantage of Hufflepuff 🙂
—————
Witch, the question was for HG, but thank you for a moment of fun and distraction from problems! 🙂
@Joa, It sorted me into the right house (same as yours), but I was surprised I got the same Gryffindor ending too! And said I’m almost equal parts Ravenclaw and Slytherin??? Which corrupted empathic trait gave me Slytherin???!!!
Then again, it’s not QUITE “accurate-af,” saying, “While you enjoy any kind of learning, working as part of a team is where you truly thrive.” No way, I’m totally the opposite. I’m autistic; I HATED getting stuck working in teams in college!!!
In fact, it said, to my surprise, I’m a bit Gryffindor-ish, like HG, in that, “For you, true friendships are rare, but you are smart enough to hold onto those you deem worthy of your affection.”
@HG, how accurate did you find your result? And are there really people you deem worth of your … ‘affection’? Is affection different from love (and infatuation)? Can narcissists feel AFFECTION??? If so, what does that mean? Your favorite appliances to take off the shelf perhaps? Lieutenants, members of the coterie? Do you have true friendships? Are friendships possible without empathy?
Oops, correction, my percentages were almost equal parts Ravenclaw & GRYFFINDOR–in that order. Only a lucky 13% Slytherin. (Now I wonder how Snape would score on the test … if it were accurate. 😉 Oh, in case you couldn’t guess, I only got into/even HEARD of Harry Potter because I’ve been an Alan Rickman fan since he single-handedly turned “Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves” into a watchable comedy! I always suspected he got the script and saw how awful it was and decided to have some fun with it … but then it was recently confirmed that that’s EXACTLY what he did! I think he turned the role down TWICE before accepting it! I also read way back then that a lot of his scenes were cut because test audiences reacted too favorably to the Sheriff … which caused a huge rift between kevins Costner and Reynolds, who were friends, since Costner was so horribly miscast. It also got terrible reviews at the time, so I’m sure the only reason most people still watch it is for Rickman’s hilarious “villain.” I wonder if those alleged cut scenes even still exist. If not, well … just call off Christmas! And don’t use a spoon!)
I’m a Slytherin/Hufflepuff hybrid, which basically means I show up at Slytherin events wearing funky witch hats and embarrass the poly juice out of them.
Da Quiz is preciso! Gracias Bruja!!
It advised me to: „acknowledge that there are more important things in life, and therefore aim to use your intelligence and determination to fight for what you believe to be right. Your slight compatibility with Slytherin house suggests a determination to succeed, though not at the expense of traits from your more dominant houses.“
Hmmm, fight for what I believe? I believe you can be saved!😍You brought that on yourself, Mister!
(Thank 🦉Bruja and 👑Rowling!)
No hufflepuff! No surprise lol my test came back equally all of them…
I wonder what the sorting hat would do with me if equally all? Combust? Or would I be ejected from Hogwarts for not fitting into one class? What’s weird is my high school experience was THE SAME! I was a cheerleader and nominated for homecoming queen ( second place as later Miss Pennsylvania won), but I was in classes with the “ geeks” as I won the scholarship for the State to Washington DC called Presidential Classroom, and was honor role, and yet I was an actress who lead school plays and at lunchtime I preferred hanging with the stoners with long hair who smoked ( permissible then lol) as I found them soulful and interesting. I never was in a click. Same with college. Law school was a bit different. They be honest I liked them all so I never wanted to be a part of just one group. And I hated exclusion. When I was in college I was in a popular sorority that was blond. I hated rush. Oddly my little sisters were an African American and later an Asian girl. I never thought about diversity. I liked them as great people who I am friends with today. I heard later the chapter was awarded awards on diversity in part of my choices. Weird. My empath result is all over the place too in small minorities… super, geyser, matyr, codependent. I don’t think magnet but I might forget as most were like 1% compared to contagian. But majority standard and contagian. Are there others out there that just don’t fit any group? I find it odd. Where would the sorting hat place me if all things were equal or too overlapped to declare one?
I would add that I see us all as humans walking this Earth if we are to believe recent news there may be two living species out of the 7 originally of @ humans.” . All of us are here trying to find meaning and happiness. The way we go about it differs but I have never been star struck even at events although I admire talent greatly in any field. Perhaps this core belief is it. I am a 100% believer in God. So I see a hierarchy in existence but not based in anything but spiritual hierarchy. This does not help with my innate desire to fix and heal and restore balance. I am a horrible candidate for anyone who wants to control me but a great one who wants my help.
Great quiz, and fun – and surprisingly accurate!
“Just like Hermione Granger, you were ultimately placed in Gryffindor, but the Sorting Hat seriously considered putting you in Ravenclaw. You are a natural born leader, often taking control of the reins from others whose recklessness or dedication to facts and knowledge clouds their judgment. You are intelligent, but acknowledge that there are more important things in life, and therefore aim to use your intelligence and determination to fight for what you believe to be right.
Your slight compatibility with Hufflepuff house suggests a deep love and appreciation for those close to you, which you may keep hidden for fear of being hurt.”
Isabelle,
I got the same result. Obviously! Haha!
Although, being likened to Hermione Granger is definitely not my best look!
Xx
Hey Isabelle! That’s what I got for majority also! I had slight compatibility with Slytherin though at the end. But I was also impressed with the accuracy!
Ditto! It’s like we’re all peas in a pod 🙂
That is so cool!
Hey Victor! There is a new video game out that’s hot so I had the conversation with my son. He asked which I felt I belonged. I said Ravenclaw but my test came back equally all of them. Odd result BUT my Tudor test was standard contagious then martyr, geyser, super and a tiny bit codependent so I guess I house all the empaths too except magnet ( I don’t think that was in there) to some degree. Interesting. I wonder what JK is? What would your guess be? Ravenclaw for sure. Empath?
Hi Contagious,
I couldn’t even take a guess on JK, I watched a couple of the Harry Potter movies with my son but feel asleep both times, they are not my preferred genre at all. And I have not thought about her, know much of anything about her, really to make such a guess. What do you think? Empath?
Heh, right now my daughter is sitting with flushed cheeks starting the Hogwarts Legacy game, that… never-seen “father” bought her.
Today, nothing but this game matters to her 🙂 Even the piano she plays every day (and it is also from him). Let shes have some joy in life 🙂
The emotional costs on my part cease to matter at such times. ATM. As bitter as that word sounds in my mind…
@joa
I hope she enjoys the game, it looks cool.
My wife made me watch the movies as I only saw the first one when it was released at the cinema and never paid much attention to the rest. I’m glad I did. Now I have to read the books too
@Witch, read the books!!! They’re WAY better than the movies (and they have a lot more Snape … um, whatever that means to you … but I’m sure J.K, Rowling was THINKING about Alan Rickman when she created the character seeing as he was her first choice to play Snape; she just didn’t tell the producers right away because she was sure he’d turn it down!).
(I’ve been sorted dozens of times, including officially by the late official Pottermore site, and get the same house every time. Bet no one can guess what it is, but it’s the one type that didn’t come up in HG’s profile. 😉 )
@susan
HufflePuff!
The official site sorted me into Slytherin. This quiz I’m ravenclaw with second majority slytherin
Snape is my favourite character
@Witch Ha, how did you guess? 😉 And Snape is my favorite character too.
SPOILER ALERT for anyone who hasn’t read the books and/or seen the movies …
TURN BACK NOW or it will be ruined for you!!!
Well, I always knew Alan Rickman had too much range to play the flat character flat Harry labelled him as from Day 1 & couldn’t see what was right in front of his (green) eyes for 7 whole years. I pegged him as a red herring by the end of the first movie, before I read the books. If you read the books, if you focus on his character (and not the boring kids 😉 ), a VERY complex character emerges, even more than what was allowed to be included in the movies. I could see how he was trying to help Harry throughout the series (& how Harry couldn’t appreciate it until it was too late). I wish JKR would rewrite the story from his POV; it would be called ‘The Tragedy of Severus Snape.’ I always knew what he really was, but I actually had to close the book and have a long cry after reading the last chapter about him … and then kept crying every time I thought about it afterwards. And not even a portrait in the Headmaster’s office??? If I ever play the online game, I’m going to make sure there is one there!!!
How’s that for a Hufflepuff take on Snape? (And don’t get me started on James. Harry made totally wrong assumptions about him too! He & Sirius were BULLIES. And Lily didn’t deserve Snape!) It’s only Harry’s POV that makes the reader think Snape is always up to something nefarious. If you read the books objectively, he really is trying to TEACH Harry a whole lot of things that he never picks up on! And never physically harms a child–even the ONLY time he ever lost his temper with Harry & smashed a jar of dead cockroached against the doorframe as Harry ran out; I’m sure, given his wand skills, if he’d really wanted to hit Harry, he’d have succeeded! My theory is that he wished Harry had been HIS son, but he couldn’t stop seeing his own tormentor whenever he looked at him, except at his eyes. Personally, I think Snape was more Ravenclaw, even Gryffindor, as the bravest man Harry ever knew, past tense (and maybe even a touch Hufflepuff) than Slytherin. But remember that the Sorting Hat takes your preference into consideration, and young Sev was all into the Dark Arts … till he saw what the Death Eaters were really about! In fact, IMO, Peter Pettigrew was the flip side of Snape, or what Snape would have become if he hadn’t seen through Voldemort. And Dumbledore wasn’t all Harry made him out to be either, obviously. Where is the house for stupid kids? 😉
Oh, and then I went through the crying fits all over again when Alan Rickman died! And then narcissist (according to HG!) David Bowie had to go and upstage him by dying like two days later, and all of a sudden, I was the only one mourning Alan (definitely NOT a narcissist!) Rickman. ALTHOUGH … when we went to see his last on-screen performance in ‘Eye in the Sky’ shortly afterwards as soon as it came out, the whole audience in the theatre seemed to be moved by his final scene and applauded at the end of the film. And I started crying AGAIN! :'( I’m such a sap, I don’t belong in Hogwarts at all, do I?
Hi Susan,
Snape was my favorite character too and I didn’t think he was all bad either. I also thought James was a bully, as I recall Snape’s memories of James tormenting him. I felt bad for Snapes, he did love Lily so much and was powerless to stop her from falling for James. My heart went out to that character and like you, I cried when he died and I cried again, when Allan Rickman died….hopefully I got the spelling right…You’re not a sap, you’re sensitive like me, probably have some Geyser in you, like I do. Xx
Witch: “The game is good.” – assessed my daughter – “Must be, if I chose it.” 😀
We both like such genre, so we watched the movies on two or three times – although it’s rare for me to go back to the same thing. Only my daughter read books.
Like you, I don’t have time for games. Although I like.
Hi Joa! I was just saying the same. My marine son age 22 and lives boxing and video games was discussing Harry Potter with me. This is a kid who never got into the books or movies but loves the game. It’s hot now. As is the test. People posting results lol. In discussion… it seemed to me all houses had narcs and empaths. None were pure anything like life. Am I right HG? I guessed my son as Gryffindor as they seem like the athletes and possible soldiers but Slytherin too as they seem like the generals or calculators. I was right. I found my results odd. I was equally all and I think I just don’t fit one house. Too many overlaps. But I felt a Ravenclaw the most. Did you discuss the results with your daughter? I am a Harry Potter fan:) x
Hey Contagious, my daughter is only/already 17 and so far she’s… a nobody in the social sense 🙂 She’s in a rebellious phase and is currently ostentatiously boycotting school so I’m worried she’ll be nobody, ha ha ha 🙂
My only consolation is that at her age I was much (oh, how!) worse, and yet I received a solid education, albeit with a slight delay.
My daughter, watched the movies, read the books, so the game was an inevitable sequel 🙂
She was sorted into Hufflepuff. My sister’s daughter is also in Hufflepuff. I’m not surprised – such daughters as mothers, ha ha ha 🙂
Although at the same time I don’t know other women as fierce and stubborn as we are…
I’m not a fan of ANYTHING, but yes, I also really like Harry Potter.
All the best to you and your son – enjoy the game! 🙂
Funny my son asked me the same today. My reply was Ravenclaw. I said it is the house of intelligence but also those who think outside the box. Luna love good. Garrick the wand maker ( what would be their lives without wands?) There is a popular video game out now. I said Grrfonder for him as they are the adventururers, so gooders, knights in shining armors and to me the military. ( not all) but Harry and Hermione who was almost Ravenclaw. My son is military BUT I said Slytherin because although the elite, they have generals in every category. The strategists. I didn’t see huffapuffs the carers. Be fun to see what empaths fit what groups etc… wish I had the time to play games…
But the test found me 25% of them all
@contagious
Harry was almost in Slytherin because when Voldemort tried to kill him he accidentally transferred some of his powers to him, which is why Harry can speak to snakes. Harry asked to be placed in gryffindor so the sorting hat went with what he wanted. He also fit into Gryffindor because his courage.
Hermione could have been in ravenclaw.
Hahaha then my son is Harry!
HG, I have gone through this thread a couple of times and reading the latest endeavour with the good doctors gives another deeper insight into the person that you are. I don’t think, no matter how much we pry, we will ever get to see the real version of you, and from previous articles I know you do not like to show or reveal yourself, as the creature is something you don’t like to dwell on. When you say ‘Questioning Me’, there are so many questions that I want to ask, very deep questions, and yet I know the kind of questions I want to ask you, you will most definitely not want to answer. Your knowledge is phenomenal. I have never met anyone else with such a finely tuned understanding the way you know. I find you the most fascinating, interesting and complex man and I know no matter how hard we try to pry information from you, there is a level that even you are not willing to go to, and you are a very deep man. I’m drawn to you. While you captivate and fascinate me, I know you are the fine line not to cross, and yet I can’t get enough of you which makes it all the harder to know that in meeting the ‘silver tongued ‘devil” I would be on high alert and my insides would be screaming to move away. (But I also know, there is a little part of me that would be willing and daring to see what would happen.) Go Figure.
Best,
DB
Hello HG, I hope all is tickety boo with you and yours. Very generous of you to entertain our questions. I have many, but I will just ask one: How is your progress coming along with the KHG series? Will we see a new edition soon?
Not in the immediate future.
HG, thank you for your reply. I have noted that some of the questions posed here are answered in the Knowing HG series and I am certain all readers would find it very worthwhile reading.
If I were to ask a question it would be = what is your new years resolutions if you you have? and your fav christmas present you got – if you celebrate? 🙂
I do not indulge in New Year´s resolutions, there are irrelevant.
Do you mean favourite Christmas received ever or received during Christmas 2022?
Hello Mr Tudor,
So nice to be in touch after all these years.
How are things going with “the good” doctors?
Fans often like guessing your occupation, I like to suggest you work in a legal/ law enforcement set environment?
Pardon the non technical terminology but do you prefer your IPPS to be financially wealthy over pure looks. Or is it through their occupation they have access to certain things that benefit you and your agenda?
Talk soon,
Your Pal
P. Bateman
Intermittently.
I have some legal knowledge borne out of what I do.
I do not want a pauper but wealth of itself is not the most important attribute of an IPPS to me.
HAH! A pauper. That’s rich.
So much for my ‘Fifty Shades of Grey‘ fantasy.
Thank you HG, looking forward to seeing you at Dorsia
Nobody goes there anymore.
That’s because it doesn’t exist. Dorsia is a fantasy
From my experience males have a huge problem if their IPPS earns more than they do. Depending on what level of narcissism they have.
HG. Hello. There’s a powerful love/hate, hate/love dynamic when it comes to you. I’ve listened to, and read, hundreds of your articles. The facts are, to me, sometimes you sound so beautifully “sweet” (an anathema to you I’m sure) in some your analysis that I feel such an incredible warmth towards you it’s disarming. At other times I feel overwhelming disdain and only want you to suffer. I’ve questioned why I remain interested. I have a theory why this is so – wondering if you could tell me yours – for comparison.
Clarify what it is that you are interested in.
Why I remain interested in you …
TBS,
I think there’s a certain boyishness about HG at times, this might well be the endearing part you allude to. It’s a difficult element to reconcile with the rest because it appears unintentional.
Hi TS, and TBS,
For me it’s the straight up sex appeal and part of that is the take charge demeanor he has. I feel like he’s always in control of a situation and that is so sexy to me. He gives the cold hard logic in such a sensitive yet straightforward manner, it makes me melt!
Who is your favorite actor to play James Bond, and which movie would you recommend beginning with for someone who has never seen a single Bond film?
Henry Cavill.
Casino Royale – the one with Daniel Craig.
Casino Royale……..hmmm, yes. That chair…..
Yum.
HG, is Mr. Superman-Cavill an Empath? I have heard him speak at some interviews and he was extremely sweet and funny. Of course he could also be a sneaky Greater showing off his charismatic façade…
You need to use Know the Narcissist or Show Me the Empath.
Mmm. Show me the Empath, baby! Haha. Thank you, HG!
Sweetest I don’t know true or not but a lot of controversy of his treatment of women in the Witcher set. It’s said he was almost fired. I don’t know I live in LA. True? Not true? But the same was rumored about Harvey and others. I don’t know.
Contagion, thanks for the update. I know nothing about him; I was recently just showing his picture to a woman I know who was saying she couldn’t find anything attractive in British men, ha! as if she had dated the whole British Isles! I hate xenophobic generalizations. And soon after I saw HG’s comment and it made me giggle. If Cavill is seriously like that around women, though, he is indeed perfect for the James Bond part.
SP,
Have a look at his past girlfriends.
Jasmin, what do you mean? Anyway he’s just a beautiful man, period. I thought he sounded like a nice guy, now he’s probably another somatic narc. Nothing new under the Hollywood sun.
SP,
The number of girlfriends and their apparent ‘status’.
SP, I’ll take your yum and raise you!
He’d have to stay in character as the Witcher though. ALL the time.
Xx
For me Casino Royal is the greatest because Mads Mikkelsen as Le Chiffre is the most believable villain the Bond films ever had + it has Eva Green.
I see there is big online support for Henry Cavill to be the next Bond, so he might actually get the part.
I don’t like him, don’t know why, but there is something fake about him.
HG wrote somewhere that Bond is beyond doubt a narcissist, so I think it is quite likely that Cavill as according to HG the right candidate for the part is a narcissist as well.
Excellent choice HG. Henry Cavill is an amazing actor. I loved him in “The Witcher” His performance in superman was also amazing.
Casino Royale. I loved this book by Ian Fleming. I think it is the Bond as Bond really would have been. We also learn in this film why Bond loves his Martini, shaken not stirred.
I haven’t gotten around to watching the Witcher and know nothing about Henry Cavill, but I don’t find him attractive. On the other hand, contrary to what Sweetest Perfection’s friend says, I’ve always thought that a British (or Aussie) accent automatically adds at least 10 points to any man’s attractiveness. (Voices are important to me.)
As for Bond being a narcissist, maybe that’s why I’ve never had ANY interest in James Bond (he must be a Lesser because it’s so obvious ;)), EXCEPT when Timothy Dalton played him. @HG, I wonder if the reason he’s apparently the least popular Bond other than George Lazenby could be because Timothy Dalton is NOT a narcissist? (Somehow, in real life I’ve dated more than my fair share of narcissists, but I seem to have really GREAT taste in actors and musicians–who are usually on the obscure side, which makes them easy to meet and get nice replies to fan mail from, and I’ve never regretted meeting ANY of my heroes. More the opposite! On the other hand, my favorite celebrities didn’t get to choose ME as a fan, and I’m pretty slow to elevate them to favorite-celebrity status; real-life personality is important too … and the more performances by the same person I see, the more their RL personalities seem to show through.)
Dear Mr Tudor,
To me, Prince Phillip most resembles Dusko Popov
However, I agree, Henry Cavill very much has as a James Bond appeal
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
I always picture you to look like a Daniel Craig type but younger. Not a pretty boy type. men that are so pretty that you can put a wig and lipstick on and they look like a girl not attractive to me. Must be my insecurities, don’t want a man who is prettier than me. So I guess that means I think you must be handsome. ( Again my super powers can read your mind as you’re thinking… naturally…of I’m handsome…you would be correct.) Come on admit it I can read your mind. Not expecting you to admit it a Narc can’t do that. You will choose assertion of control through withdrawal. Challenge fuel? 🙂
It is not easy to live without a face in mind. I’ve given HG at least 10 different faces but none of them seem to fit. Currently trying to deal with the unknown. It’s the mind that I’m after anyways
Describe an instance when you have changed a deep-seated, core opinion or belief of yours upon discovery of new evidence or information. What were the circumstances that led you to re-examine?
Dear HG,
what is your education and have you ever worked in some profession?
Postgraduate.
Yes.
Are you Paul Weller?
I love how we all just randomly guess any man who is British and even remotely possesses a quality of HG’s. But HG, if you are Paul Weller you HAVE to tell us.
It’s like asking a cop if they’re a cop—you are legally bound to disclose yourself upon detection.
I am not bound to tell you anything, you ought to know that by now, KitKat, I suggest you take a break.
Paul Weller is from Southern England.
HG’s accent sounds neutral but sometimes the way he pronounces words it sounds more like he comes from the North.
Absolutely lovely accent HG. Like a Thespian from Shakespeare!
Everyone here uses a pseudonym! HG is HG Tudor of course.
Silence is a verb. He is Paul Wellet! Lol
Contagion, I don’t think Paul Weller is a narcissist.
Neither is the guy who looks like him, Jeremy Irons. They both show empathy in their behaviours.
/my last two
Many would disagree about Paul Weller. Ask Rick but I was joking the family dynamics don’t fit. Paul’s father was a huge fan and used to introduce the Jam.
I will say this. I was joking about Paul Weller BUT HG has too much artistic talent to be a boring hedge fund member like Bill Gross who I met who is the owner of PIMCO and lives near me or a banker or broker. HG is clearly not a doctor or lawyer or in psychology in any form. HG is not a professional athlete although no doubt ripped from discipline. I don’t see him as a manufacturer but I could see him dabbling. He knows diversifying assets well. Very educated. so it is obvious to me that he inherited wealth and diversifies his interests ( not a charity guy) but a man with stock and land and he watches football not an owner but what does he do…was he a professor, my gut says no. he loves Roald Dahl… he is in entertainment. Not sure what capacity but his finger is dipped there. He might have had issues legally with one sector of his interests… some entrepreneur adventure that got him in trouble but his career path has to be entertainment which is a serious business. HG is too charming, well written, good at marketing and an excellent presenter whether in writing or orally to be in any other field. Can you imagine the movies or streaming this man could make? It would be amazing! And I don’t see politics as my gut says that would bore him. HG would be Orson Wells if alive and not gay. That’s my analogy. His goal is in the entertainment field. To master his view worldwide. HG? Close? Too close to publish? You have a director personality. Everyone is controlled around you to project your vision. And you are in your infancy at your true aim in your mind despite success and wealth. All of this is great and deserved and right but nowhere near where you are going. And my gut is you are right. Every psychology course throughout the world will cite your work as the expert in your his field one day and …. Between you and me, the rest is coming!
Actually HG looks really young (20-30) There is a picture of him on Insta from a year or two ago. The bike picture!!(*.*💪🚵♀️) You can see his face almost😚
As to HG’s profession, based on the HG-Quiz my guess is he studied philosophy, politics and economics? Something in politics, military field maybe?…oh a spy of course☺️
Or ..assassin ..cleaner (The Professional).. agent/detective/undercover/profiler.. Ministry of defence.. Embassy.. Adviser.. Travels around the world.. Scotland.. Negotiator..
Fantastic.
Masters or Phd? Or both?
What line of work are you in? For example- Medicine, Transport. Media, etc
I have a variety of “interests”.
Yes, it is always good to keep the brain stimulated. Variety the spice of life. Learning a new language is also good. Keeps the brain active!
No doubt of both benign and nefarious varieties… I would inquire about the latter, but you are correct: I have been around long enough to know that you’re more likely to break off a piece of me than divulge such provocative particulars.
I do enjoy a KitKat, but I always need a fifth finger.
What a coincidence! So do I.
What is your favorite Roald Dahl book or short story?
Flying Solo.
Need to appear respectable but you’re bald as a peach?
Look no further than ‘U.N. Savory’s Wig Emporium’, where every rug comes with a ruse!
Because the key to deception lies within the details…
*Free box of Epsom salt with every purchase
Just my silly way of saying I have begun to read it. Thank you for the recommendation.
Question time. I love it. ❤️
What is your favourite alcoholic beverage?
What is your favourite meal?
Do you prefer red or white wine?
What is your favourite holiday destination?
Your favourite music?
Does it annoy you to be around people?
Do you ever need time out to relax and just be by yourself?
Did you ever do a personality test to find out if you are an ENFP, ENFJ etc?
If so which one are you?
Do you personally feel that people with mental illness get a raw deal and are chastised?
When did you realise that you were different from other people?
None, I am not drinking at the moment.
Roast empath.
It varies.
Scotland.
Screams of victims.
Sometimes.
No.
No.
No.
When I was a boy.
Anna says, “What is your favourite meal?”
Mr. Tudor says, “Roast empath”
LOL! That tickled me.
Glad to see we’re off the shelf, Mr. Tudor. Even if its only for a minute.
Off the shelf and into the oven to roast…
Hahahaha, that’s hilarious!!
Happy New Year HG and everyone. Only came across this thread now. Don’t know how I missed this before. Lol great answers. direct and to the point. Love it.
Best,
DB
My top ten:
1. Do you dream? As I recall “ no.”
2. Why?
3. Do you think psychopathy overtakes narcissism?
4. Do you think cluster B should be eliminated in the DSM?
5. Do you believe in God? No. Why?
6. How does shieldmaiden stay with you? Why? How is your relationship any different than any narc- empath relationship?
6. Is the world run by narcs and psychopaths like Putin. We know how they get there. Any benefit?
7. Do you see any benefit of empaths in the world outside of fuel for narcs?
8. Are you in entertainment?
9. Why do you think empaths are learned behavior when so much is unknown on dna, genes, the brain?
10. Why does are brain work more when sleeping then awake? Do you think that it’s possible there are other dissensions? Ok that was 2. Lol and unlikely you know but hey!
Thanks btw you are brilliant
HG mentioned being familiar with Old Hag Syndrome which is a form of sleep paralysis. This indicates that he IS dreaming. Sleep paralysis is a transitional stage (you’re not sleeping anymore yet remain in the dreaming awareness) which can be used to return to dreaming (advanced stages also) or just wait out and wake up fully.
People describing having hallucinations, the otherworldly presence that may occur in that state of sleep paralysis, are rather a form of perception of what is usually excluded from the perception of the daily life — new strands of what could be perceived so to speak. The mind would try to interpret the new stimulus and assemble it in a familiar form, giving it bizarre features plus the fear (of the unknown, new stimulus) will kick in and do the rest, thus the nightmare effect; horror genre interpretation as it is indoctrinated in our system to encounter everything that is new or unusual in a frightful manner. That state is but an indication of you having a good predilection for dreaming as you transition from dreaming stages where you perceived other strands of reality (usually).
Oh and I forgot to mention the most important thing; I loooove listening to The Horla!!! And The Ride of the Magi!!! And The Haunted Chamber!!! It catapulted many eye opening dreams for me✨T💙Y✨
I have experienced sleep paralysis. I used to sleepwalk as a child. It then stopped and occasionally I will experience sleep paralysis. It occurs mainly during an afternoon nap.
Jordyguin thank you for the detailed explanation. Could you also be so kind as to point me in the direction where HG said he also was familiar with it? or if HG could? I would much like to read that. Thanks.
HG old Hag. I think nought. Lol
Hi Anna:)
Here it is. It’s just a short mentioning.
https://narcsite.com/2016/09/09/shifting-the-sands/#comment-34251
Jordyguin
Jordyguin.
First sorry, double post as I pressed enter too quickly, silly me!
Thank you for the link. I will check it out!
Boo boo. No reply.
1- Why are you not drinking at the moment?
2- In your opinion, do you believe that empathy is dying out like the dodo and because of our society, it’s norms that narcissism is on the rise?
3- Red or white depending on the dish that it served? For example red for dark meats such as lamb, beef. White for chicken, and fish? or the occasion?
4- Why Scotland? Does it have memories for you? The beauty? Food? What makes it special?
5-Screams of delight and joy? or pain or fear? or both?
6-So narcissists like to be around people? I guess being a hybrid people do not bother you? So is it more antisocial people like sociopaths and or psychopaths in your opinion that do not like being around others?
7-Why not do a personality test just for fun?
8-So you think that those with mental illness and treated the same as everyone else? If so why?
9- When you were a boy. What happened that made you realise? Was it when you pushed the boy into the stinging nettles? or was it something else? Please share.
Did you ever do a personality test to find out if you are an ENFP, ENFJ etc?
My empathic son and narc ex are both INTJ – so not sure if is relevent to establish most likely type. The one thing I do remember was doing it with my ex and needing to remind him to be honest on nearly every other question! No idea what it would have come out as if I had not prompted this… rolls eyes…
Hello Enthralled,
Yes I did, and I was shocked by my results. Apparently I am an ENTJ.
I actually did a genetic test too and you can see what “traits” you have in your DNA. According to my DNA results I am supposed to be an introvert. My assumption is that the environment can sometimes trump genetics. I was pushed by my parents to become extroverted as a child. “Don’t be so shy” etc…. I find it fascinating.
I was just interested in what personality HG has out of curiosity. Much as the same as the favourite holiday destination. Not because of narcissism.
If I were to take a guess at HG’s MBTI I’d be confident on T instead of F, fairly confident on J over P, I’d lean towards N over S and I’m not too sure about E/I as I see potential for both but I’d probably stump for E. Which would make him ENTJ.
annaamel, very interesting indeed.
I can imagine HG may also be ENTJ. It is also known as the “commander”
I am still shocked that I myself am an ENTJ…
However, it has nothing to do with narcissism as it is a personality test. What is even more fascinating is the dark triad test. There is a light triad test as well.
Of course, we can only speculate about HG. We only know what he divulges to us.
Intuitive over realistic? Hmm🤔.
I agree with you on the other letters however.
We will only know if HG does the test and is willing to share the result. I don’t know if do so would serve the prime aims?!
My ex’s came out identical to mine. Go figure.
AV,
I took a personality test last night, the Jungian one, I think it was called. I got the results of the INNOCENT CHILD and the OLD MAN. 😆🤣 That’s me on every test, polar opposites in one person….White Wolf/Dark Wolf again. I’m both the Lion and the Lamb. I guess most people have two sides to themselves. Just found the results gave me a giggle.
Rebecca, that is interesting. I am opposites also in my makeup on certain tests. I have recently learned that this comes often as a result of trauma, go figure. I relate a lot to your results, will look that one up. Thanks for the comment!! Nice to see you!
Hi Rebecca, I found this comment again! I did take the test, and came out as a Joker, of all things, in both my inner and outer but then also got the Wise Old Man as how I present to others, so…that was a little confusing. I thought the outer was how I presented and it seemed as if I got both for that. Anyway, the Joker was a surprise but I think actually fits pretty well. It was fun, thank you for the suggestion!
Largest provider of character traits.
Or mirroring? Maybe both..
If they were to do the test accompanied with a friend, wonder if they would get the friends result or the IPPS’s?
Great question Jasmin. I thought it was so odd at the time. Now it makes perfect sense.
Hi AV,
I didn’t know that, figured it’d be from trauma, seems like trauma is the root of everything…If you take the test, please let me know your results, if you wouldn’t mind?? Thanks and nice to see you too. Xx
A duo diagnosis of narcissism and psychopathy sets you apart from the vast majority of narcissists. In your work you often use examples of situations and scenarios that are a part of your own experience.
When educating about narcissism, how do you remain objective as to which behaviors are due to narcissism and which behaviors are due to your own psychopathy?
I am taking about my experience therefore they are subjective, however, since I consider carefully what I write and talk about and do so on an evidence-based approach, which is how I approach my decision making as a whole, my experiences which I share with you come from a position of relative objectivity.
Thank you for your reply, and for this thread.
I appreciate the opportunity to ask in-depth questions which explore the breadth of your expertise.
Answer worthy of a Master 🙂
I’ve been wondering more or less the same thing. I know you have narcissistic traits as well as psychopathic ones. But I don’t always know how to tell them apart in your writings.
Savoy Truffel
Very interesting. Please do tell. Did you do a dark triad test?
I myself score highly on Machiavellianism.
HG….
Have you tried/done the dark triad personality test?
Narcissism
Psychopathy
Machiavellism
If so, what percentage did you get in each? just curious to know!
Oh do tell!
You excel at explaining narcs! But I don’t see the psychopathy. Imagine that. I am eager to see your work on definitely no the two. As an ex wife of a an antisocial not a narc, I see a difference. I also see a lot of similarities. For example not all narcs are criminals but a majority if not most st are anti socials. Narcs and anti socials have different beliefs regarding societal laws, true? And antisociala don’t cleave to you unless there is an aim unlike narcs who need supply. Antisocials are happy to walk away if nothing in it for them. Right?
You need to keep reading then.
I thank you. You are the master of narcs. But psychopathy is different. Both have awareness if societal norms and you must write on cognitive awareness to help empaths and others. But there are deep differences…look forward to your next series …
Gosh, the insufferable monotone facebook poster! Gah.
HG,
this is a pet peeve of mine, with a capital PET, because it really isn’t that horrible and in the longterm quite easy to avoid, at least online (I have unfriended them). But I bet this specimen would make a great video of yours, if you did!
Is this the good old Middle Midrange Type A Narcissist?
There is one woman who takes stunning photos of very ordinary things. No problem per se, but they all look very similar, and often reposted. She reminds me of one of your youtube commenters “Thank you for teaching me more about me.” repeated with those exact words under many of your videos.
She posts:
“Grateful for living yet another spectacularly amazing day”
“The sunrise was so beautiful I was late for work.”
Again, positive per se, but when posted a thousand times exactly verbatim?
And there was a male friend the carrying very same personality.
“Radio1 Music quiz solved!”
“Good morning, World!”
Those short posts launched every single Sunday and every day.
Is it a Midranger Narc darling to gain control through acting extremely boring/monotone?
I would need to examine more behaviour to make a determination but you’ve identified an indicator for certain.
Thank you,
I have actually also noticed similar behaviour from a few friends who otherwise seem like typical emapths, introverted/shy maybe. Though there, it is not at all as aggressive as with the ones who seem to be narcissists (by behaviour and other indicators).
One guy uses facebook for posting what gym exercises he will attend during the week (seems to be for friends who usually want to along). Short schedule onliners. And one other thing only: He posts old nostalgic professional ballet and opera photos he made back when he was a newspaper photograper. But it’s not screamish. No exclamation marks. Different photos of different celebrities every time.
*oneliners
AnotherCat, “Short schedule onliners” sounds about right 😉
HG
Have you noticed empathy or manipulative personalities in other species. Idk, elephants e g, seem to exhibit empathic behaviours at times?
It is not something that I have focused on, AC, but do feel free to elaborate on your own observations.
Thank you, HG, for giving the opportunity for such a discussion on your blog.
Two examples I saw in newspaper articles were:
An old female chimpanzee died. The other individuals at the zoo/flock grieved her a lot. She was apparently very popular because of her affectionate ways. They moved very slowly for weeks. At the funeral some went to her dead body to check and stroke.
The other article I remember was about elephants. When one of them dies, in some cases some of the others try to awaken it for days, before giving up. Another thing which makes me suspect they have empathy, is that, like humans, they seem to spend years taking care of their offspring.
But manipulative individuals I haven’t heard of nor read about, when it comes to other species.
https://youtu.be/rLn9GwHoUy0
Other apes have a lot of similarities to us, especially chimpanzees because they are mainly patriarchal.
They separate into tribes, they go to war, compete for land and resources, they have hierarchies.. all of this requires narcissistic traits
Yes, but I was wondering about manipulative traits, specifically. (discussions below in the thread)
@Another Cat
Yes there are other species who manipulate to get what they want
https://youtu.be/3431b8twU-U
Do not know enough about the body/ behaviour of other animals – would need to study them. Dogs however display both empathic traits and manipulative.
Just for ease = some traits of my dogs;
If I am in pain/upset = gives lots of love.
Have a fall = gets upset, stays next to me.
Cannot reach something = gets it for me.
If another dog hurts me/ his friends = tells them off.
Wants to please me.
vs
Will not go toilet in garden and makes me take him around the block – even in early hours of morning in pouring rain.
Plays up till I feed him/ walk him.
Stands before telly to get attention/ steals socks
begs – big eyes
Whines/ crys softly = knows I cannot ignore lol
In what context? You asked me. When you meet them either in person, or online conversations, how long does it usually take for you to analyze them? Narcissist, empath, normal empathic or narcissistic?
10 minutes or so in conversation.
Wow, that’s fast! Thanks for your reply xx
HG, I suspected someone within 10 minutes through their behaviours and more through what they said and did because I got a sense of deja vu, it was uncanny. It was easier for me to observe that person because I was in a safe environment as well as being aware of what to look out for.
HG, I have another question for you. Xx All the narcissists in my life have been long term, except for the LMRSOMATIC, the rest have been around for years. Only a couple of them separated from me because of their passing. My question is, what is it about me that they find worth holding on to?
The Prime Aims.
HG, you amaze me.
Understandable.
HG, when you’re in conversation with people for 10 minutes & determine whether they’re narcissists, is it just in the course of an ordinary conversation, or do you direct the conversation or use body language (the other person’s and/or your own, e.g., entering their physical space), etc., with the INTENTION of determining whether they’re narcs or not?
Also, how long does it take you to recognize whether someone’s an empath, normal, or narcissistic person, and, assuming you’re not seeking out a new primary or secondary fuel source, do you automatically evaluate EVERYONE you meet as to where they fall on the empath-to-narc spectrum? Or do you find it entertaining to do so?
Thank you in advance.
(Yes, I know, I need to go back to filling out my Empath Detector, sorry. Today was my first day since my fall/concussion a month ago that I haven’t had a blinding headache! Hope my 2023 doesn’t end the way it started … although a consultation with the Ultra, may improve things!)
1. I determine it mainly from the interaction, although I may do or so say certain things if the subject is not providing the usual level of evidence I would rely on.
2. Similar amount of time. Yes, I evaluate everybody where I am having or will have a meaningful interaction.
Dear HG,
How long does it take you to figure out what type of empath someone is, in conversation, in person, over the phone, and online?? Xx Thanks
HG how much do you take in consideration the person’s physical appearance when doing the 10 minute assessment. For example I was at a coffee shop in a self serve line when filling my cup a lady at the end of the line went out of her way to hand me a cardboard ring to put on my cup to not brun my hand. I thank her, then she extended another kindness (can’t remember what it was). I thought to myself she must be an empath. later I saw her laughing and smiling giving attention to a baby in the booth behind her. She was alone. She also was unusually unattractive. In sure you heard the concept that very pretty girls do not have to work on their personalities because people are nice to then just because they are pretty. How much does someones physical appearance figure in to the 10 minute assessment.
It is a factor but not a critical one.
Since I could not respond under the comment I’m trying to respond to, this will do. From HG: “2. Similar amount of time. Yes, I evaluate everybody where I am having or will have a meaningful interaction.” Reading this I was struck with the thought, like lightening seriously, that I should be doing this also. I’m going to have to tape it onto my forehead or something, this is not natural for me to do but I see the value of it entirely. The Early Warning Detector needs to be refreshed in my mind and pulled out with each new interaction.
AnotherCat, interesting and valid question. I would suggest that there are a number of animals who do appear to have similarities in empathy / manipulative ‘behaviours’. Yet, one may consider those to be ‘natural’ responses ie the basic instincts within animals.
Consider the cuckoo bird, the female lays her egg in another bird breed’s nest, what happens when the cuckoo egg hatches?
There are meerkats that act quite harshly / loving too.
It is about survival, competition / rights to live etc. Typing in “narcissistic animals” can provide more insight into your query. I think you’d be surprised 🙂
Interesting, Asp Emp
I used to think that the Narc was the cuckoo chick among the siblings. The others not quite noticing that the cuckoo step brother is taking all the resources.
Actually, eventually the cuckoo chick will eat the “siblings.”
Violetta, Asp Emp & Another Cat,
https://youtu.be/G8Xf1T3r-qw
1:44 to 4:00 mark, to save some time.
But the whole thing is good.
WhoCares, thank you for sharing that video. That is basically the evolution of nature, despite it coming across as “unnatural” for some humans to understand (or to witness). Some may view it as narcissistic yet some people can understand by looking at both sides of the coin, so to speak.
Asp Emp,
“That is basically the evolution of nature, despite it coming across as “unnatural” for some humans”
Yeah – some think cuckoos are simply jerks.
As for being narcissistic, and indeed, “both sides of the coin”… similar to how we can choose to apply our perspective to the mother bear’s behaviour – or attempt to look at it more objectively – what if, just for kicks, we applied the narcissist’s perspective to the cuckoo’s behaviour?
See any narcissistic indicators? Self- absorbtion, sense of superiority, lack of empathy – sense of self-preservation at all costs.
And the cuckoo chick can truly claim no accountability cause…well, his momma just dumped him there.
WhoCares, (LOL) to cuckoos being jerks – yes, I’d agree, on the human ‘version’ 😉 Yes, I agree on your point, I can envisage a teacher in school asking the kids to list ’empathic’ and ‘narcissistic’ animals – that would be an interesting ‘observation’ and a ‘measurement’ of their understanding on ‘behaviours’. There are quite a number that would be a ‘combination’ of N and E. I would be inclined to add ‘greed’ to your list of narcissistic indicators RE: cuckoos.
RE: mother ‘dumped’ him there – deniability of existence (of the egg); blame-shifting (not their responsibility); entitlement (expectations on another bird to take responsibility) etc.
Yeah, for Room 101 purposes, the cuckoo is ‘narcissistic’. 🙂
(thanks, HG for moderating this discussion)
Asp Emp,
“RE: mother ‘dumped’ him there – deniability of existence (of the egg); blame-shifting (not their responsibility); entitlement (expectations on another bird to take responsibility) etc.”
There are also stalking/targeting behaviours in these birds – or related species – they will watch a nest and a potential victim from a distance, before deciding if and when to deposit their eggs in the nest. Real planning – or instinctive planning?
WhoCares, real planning, me thinks – good question though. Real planning, led by instincts through evolution of the species? All animals, birds, insects and people have the ‘hunting’ instinct as part of survival?
Asp Emp,
I was using those terms to draw a comparison with lower echelon narcissists. Because, as HG has established, they do not actively, consciously plan. It just looks that way to us, ( even though it’s instinctive) or we fill in the gaps with our own perspective to make it look…well, plan-ish.
Haha, Asp Emp, I am not even making sense to myself right now.
WhoCare, that amused me “well, plan-ish”. I know exactly what you mean, maybe we can ‘classify’ the cuckoo bird as a LL? 😉 LOL at my thinking that a person filming wildlife in the future saying “the lead female meerkat is asserting her control, using her narcissistic trait of….and her sister is submitting by applying pity-plays….”. It is interesting to think about animals, how they behave and discussing narcissism /empathy among them. Your last sentence amused me too 🙂
Asp Emp,
Re: the cuckoo as an LL – haha!
It is interesting.
More than once now, HG has referred to himself as the ‘David Attenborough’ of narcissism.
WhoCares: thanks for vid link. I didn’t know cuckoos push the other eggs out. There’s some species of parasite where the interloper will actually eat the other eggs whenever the parent steps away. This little punk didn’t even wait til the parent stepped away: astonishing how she didn’t notice her eggs being shoved out from under her.
One comment said they’ll occasionally get dumped in a nest where the timing is off and the other birds do hatch, but the cuckoo will keep demanding food long after the siblings have piped down. Watching that tiny unwitting foster mother still trying to put food in that ginormous creature’s gaping maw even after he left the nest was quite something.
Violetta,
No problem.
“the cuckoo will keep demanding food long after the siblings have piped down. Watching that tiny unwitting foster mother still trying to put food in that ginormous creature’s gaping maw even after he left the nest was quite something.”
Squeaky wheel gets the grease.
Violetta,
The starling bird does the same to its babies, puts them in other nest,but the baby will just push the other chicks right out of the nest. I’ve seen it happen on nature shows.
A male lion,when it takes over another pride,will kill the cubs that aren’t his from the previous lion. It’s awful,but it’s nature.
AnotherCat, thank you for your response. The baby common cuckoo also pushes all the other non-siblings (eggs) out of the nest. What is really fascinating about this is that the cuckoo is not trained to do this. It is instinctive by inheriting the “traits” from it’s ancestors. So the cuckoo is the only baby getting fed.
Asp Emp, Another Cat – I wrote up something on cuckoos in KHG. It’s brief, I am not finished and I didn’t provide sources – but I plan to add to it. If I can ever post there again.
WhoCares, wow, that sounds intriguing, RE: cuckoos on KHG. I need to obtain the magic key from HG to access the KHG forum 🙂
HG,
How long does it usually take you to tell if someone is an empath, narcissist, normal, narcissistic, or empathic? Thanks xx
In what context?
AC,
“Have you noticed empathy or manipulative personalities in other species…”
Ooh, great question. I have been collecting some data in this area.(various studies and articles.)
In the isolated community, where I was trapped with my ex, I had seen a mother black bear with three cubs – one time the cubs all tumbled out on to the road while one parked his butt on the median and started scratching after mosquitoes or something…they all finally lumbered off following after their mother who continued crossing the road and disappeared into the greenery. I even got video of it.
I learned from the locals that she, the mother bear had adopted two of the cubs who they knew had suffered the death of their own mother and we’re orphans. These bears had been observed frequently near the local dump. If the mother bear was only guided by her biological need to reproduce (and then protect her own young) and continue her genetic line – what motivates her to extend her “care”, and therefore her resources, to the two orphaned cubs?
Yes exactly. They are sometimes adopting a motherless cub/chick. Helping an individual from outside. Sounds empathic.
AC,
It does indeed sound empathic. But are we projecting our worldview on to the situation?
Biologically speaking, numbers (in offspring) can be advantageous, if one or more dies, chances are there may still be some left in the litter to carry on the genetic line. Even if there are three bear cubs – two being of a different genetic line – and that mother bear’s family is targeted by a hunter or a male bear, the likelihood of that mother bear’s cub being killed decreases because one of the adopted cubs may be the unfortunate victim.
So, is the mother bear’s behaviour empathic – or self-serving?
WhoCares, “So, is the mother bear’s behaviour empathic – or self-serving? “ – good point. Sounds like an in-built survival ‘mechanism’, evolution, if you will. It prompts a consideration, should the mother bear find herself in a position where the cubs are at risk, would she “automatically” protect her own off-spring first?
Asp Emp & AC,
On empathy/manipulation in other species, you may find this very short video of interest, if HG allows – plus it’s timely!
https://youtu.be/wyxOilnKnq0
Asp Emp,
“Sounds like an in-built survival ‘mechanism’, evolution, if you will.”
I agree with you.
“It prompts a consideration, should the mother bear find herself in a position where the cubs are at risk, would she “automatically” protect her own off-spring first?”
It is a very interesting question Asp Emp. That would require observations in the field and under particular circumstances.
Did you know that ostriches put all their eggs together and communally look after them? How do they defend their own genetic line? I don’t think they can in that arrangement.
WhoCares, thank you for your response. RE: my consideration on the mother bear / her own cub being put first – I wonder how many animals would.
RE: ostriches, that is interesting. It is similar to what humans would do – protect children / other humans in such circumstances ie in absolute need.
Thank you for sharing the video clip. That was interesting. It amused me “when the silk was washed, females lost interest”. It amused even more at “these chemicals may be a love potion manipulating the females feelings” – I really don’t know what to say! Do spiders have emotions?! I appreciate you sending that link, thank you 🙂
Asp Emp,
I’m glad you enjoyed the link. 🙂
Just thought this was interesting and related to this past discussion:
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2023/02/230208124422.htm
If orca mums went through the Empath Detector – would some score for “Martyr”?
I’m getting the impression that most so-called personality disorders, and other behavioral oddities, are really rooted in survival mechanisms. Primates and other animals practice lying and cheating. Googling “primate deception” could keep you busy for hours.
Ooh… thank-you Savoy Truffle! I will totally be googling that some time…when I can squeeze it in…*sigh*..I so need more time.
Savoy, thank you.
Yes, wherever there is a lot of hard work, focusing and planning in order to raise kids – like for some songbird, insects etc, and primates – there will be a market for parasites and manipulators.
OxyContin is a hormone in species shown to demonstrate empathy.
Btw, a website on bug remedies (I brought back bedbugs after a visit to NYC in the 2010s, & have been over-zealous
with regular applications of diatomaceous earth and chrysanthemum tea ever since) contained th4 following passage:
While some commonly available pesticides and green products do have an effect on bed bugs, they only act as an irritant that bothers them (Celine Dion may be annoying, but her music won’t kill you). These irritants, also known as dispersants, don’t kill bed bugs.
When visiting my daughter and her husband in HI a few years ago, I was surprised at the piles of furniture that would be left out for the dump, due to bedbugs. The exterminators would chase the bugs out of one apartment, only to have them enter the next and it was a continuous vicious cycle.
Mr. Tudor, can you point me to an article, book or logic bulletin that explains why some narcissists can’t disappoint people? For instance, when ending it with a partner, instead of telling them, they opt to just disappear. Then they will use the excuse that they didn’t want to hurt them. Meanwhile, its really that they are cowards and can’t face them. (At least that’s my opinion) Is this facade maintenance? If you could point me to one of your works that may explain this, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you in advance.
It has nothing to do with not wanting to disappoint people (although the narcissist may believe that is the case to excuse the behaviour). The narcissist just vanishes because either you have been placed on the shelf and the narcissist is focussed elsewhere or it is disengagement and the narcissist having a sense of entitlement and no sense of accountability asserts control through withdrawal. The narcissism sees nothing to be gained in a direct interaction and therefore it does not occur.
Why do you particularly detest Celine Dion? I don’t like her either, but she doesn’t stand out to me among all the other phony, over-emotive vocalists.
Her face and her singing annoys me.
Again, why? They’re all a bunch of phonies, substituting fancy “runs” for creating an actual character.
Idk, I just got a weak impression the first time I heard her on the radio.
‘Somebody with a thinner voice covering a Whitney Houston song. Ok, so. Sounds a little empty.’
So I understand HG.
I guess Cecile and that vibrato sounds better when singing in French.
*Celine
AC,
“I guess Cecile and that vibrato sounds better when singing in French.”
I just gotta say that I live in a French Canadian community and this nearly made me splitter my coffee all over…
Celine’s singing is absolutely rammed choc full ywith fake warbles intended to communicate supposed emotion. For one who is adept at recognising and bringing forth real emotion I would expect that the fake version would indeed be annoying.
I won’t comment on Celine’s face, because I am nice. 😇
But they’re ALL like that, lately! I’m not even sure she’s the worst, though she’d definitely make the bottom 10.
Haha,
I tell you what really gets my back up Violetta, is when they sing, do the loads of notes in one word warble thing, but, they emphasise it by closing their eyes, tilting there head and raising their arm with pointing finger up. That annoys me to death.
My dad calls it ‘over singing’. Haha. It’s a pretty accurate description. I agree, loads do it. I don’t like Adele either. I don’t like obviously romantic songs full stop though, they get on my nerves.
*their*
Truthseeker6157:
Been thinking about this phenomenon more, especially since Adele cancelled her Las Vegas dates, and there are various explanations: short-staffed due to Covid, disputes with set designer while Adele wanted everything perfect, blah blah. A number of comments pointed out that Adele wasn’t doing a glitz show like Katy Perry or Madonna, where multiple costume changes and effects were expected; all she should need is a working mic. Some said that kind of show, just her coming out to sing, wouldn’t work for the casinos.
Here’s the thing: years ago, my dad took me to see Petula Clark at a NJ casino. No special.sets or effects, but when she sang “Don’t Sleep in the Subway,” she really sounded like she was trying to coax back a sullen boyfriend; when she sang “Downtown” & “I Know a Place,” you wanted to go clubbing with her all night! Miles ahead of the meaningless warbling on singing competitions. My dad agreed: he hated the singing shows, but had never verbalized why. It was the fact that no one ever acted the goddam song; it was all showing off their pretty voice.
In retrospect, I suppose there were phony singers in previous eras too, but they don’t get played even on oldies stations. It’s like the ’40s: there are Big Band classics that survive (the school-aged kid I’m working with recognized Frank Sinatra’s voice on the radio), and there are horrible songs/singers that are popular for a while, then mostly (thank God) disappear.
I don’t know if there are more phony singers now, because the competitions encourage them, or we just know about them because they’re on TV, whereas not all of them ever make it to radio playlists.
Violetta, Joa,
You’re going to laugh at me now, and that’s fine if you do haha!
I think I can spot an empath song writer through the lyrics. Obviously singers will often sing a song written by someone else. So I can’t associate song with singer, it’s song with writer.
Speaking about old songs Violetta and starting with a couple of songs on my playlist.
Windmills of Your Mind – Non obvious lyrics. Also reference to time. Empath writers seem to have a strange relationship with time and the passing of time. “Like a clock whose hands are sweeping past the minutes of its face.” It isn’t obvious, you understand it, but you aren’t sure why you understand it. Empath writers don’t describe emotions in a clear way. They do it in a very abstract way. The listener is being asked to sift through images and find one they can relate to.
Ode to Billie Joe. Storytelling, detailed, emotional. Again, similar thing, lots of images, the listener being asked to infer the relationship between the girl and Billie Joe and what was thrown from the bridge. We aren’t told. (One of my dad’s favourite songs).
I researched Bobbie Gentry after choosing the song. I’d be surprised if Gentry was a narcissist. More likely an empath.
I then thought, “Come on TS, you most have a romantic song in there, that you can stomach.” I do.
The Way We Were. Time reference, ‘Has time re written every line?’use of vague metaphors, very visual. ‘What’s too painful to remember we simply choose to forget’, demonstration of insight.
Interestingly I later found the Alan and Marilyn Bergman wrote two of the songs above. I’ll eat my knickers if they were narcs.
You have a far greater understanding of music Violetta, you might find other empath trade marks, but it is interesting I think. There are definite similarities in writing style. Once you spot it, you spot it over and over and over a very extended time period.
Xx
Truthseeker6157:
Problem with that is John Lennon wrote fabulous songs with the Beatles, and I believe HG has identified him as a narc. Despite his brilliant mind, he had many Lesser characteristics, including domestic violence and a habit of shrugging off inconsistencies in his own previous statements when journalists would confront him with them.
He had both direct boy-meets-girl lyrics (in the Beatles’ “yeah yeah yeah” phase) and allusive, hallucinatory ones (both “Lucy in the Sky” and “I Am the Walrus” drew on the Alice books). And all of it comes across as more sincere and relatable than the “confessional” lyrics he wrote post-breakup, when he was trying to go the Bob Dylan/Carole King/James Taylor route. Lennon dismissed his early songs as Tin Pan Alley formulae with made-up stories about a cheating girlfriend, jealousy, finding someone new, etc., but just as with country-western music, if it isn’t the singer’s real story, it’s probably somebody’s. Just because Jimmie Rodgers probably didn’t even know a Thelma, let alone want to shoot her, doesn’t mean there weren’t plenty of people who could cry with relief when they heard “T is for Texas,” because it expressed their bitterness over a bad relationship.
I got into the Beatles years after they broke up, but I can imagine teen girls wishing “I Want to Hold Your Hand” was about them (as well as dancing to it–great beat), or teen guys hearing “You’re Going to Lose That Girl,” and applying it to some triangle they’re in with a rival they think is a jerk and doesn’t deserve the girl.
I leave it to HG to determine why Lennon’s tossed-off songs are classics, while his efforts to be sincere come across as so goddam phony.
TS, you put it into words very well.
I never liked Celine Dion and I don’t like Adel.
I always associated Celine with artificiality and pomposity. Adel, although it has an interesting timbre, gets on my nerves and I call it “howler” (oops, not nice). I immediately turn off the station when I hear it.
Wow, one year later … I only JUST discovered this topic. How could you leave out the ultimate Beatles classic ‘Run for Your Life’?!!! (My ex-husband is a total Beatles fanatic– I mean, ahem, ‘expert’ and told me you could tell which Beatle wrote a song–well, other than Ringo necessarily–based on who sings lead on it.) I hardly ever used to pay much attention to song lyrics except to sing along if I liked the tune, although some resonated with me. Now, however, HG has ruined a lot of songs for me that were obviously penned by narcissists now that I actually THINK about the lyrics! (The Rolling Stones lyrics are BOTH mysogynistic AND narcissistic. Thanks for ruining THEM for me too, although if I have to choose Beatles or Rolling Stones, I’m going to say Stones every time. I recently watched a movie about Brian Jones, specifically the events leading up to his infamous drowning in his own pool, called ‘Stoned,’ and that left no doubt in my mind that–whatever the true cause (i.e., whether the coroner’s report of death by ‘misadventure’–Bon Scott died of the same thing; a lot of that going around in England–although I don’t THINK he was a narc)–or murder, Brian Jones was a narcissist. Oh yeah, he always looked cool … because he kept OVER-spending other people’s money on clothes & just not paying his bills! I wonder about Mick Jagger and, if he’s one too, what THAT relationship was like in the band! Like, after I saw that movie that was based on THREE different bios AND a deathbed confession by Frank Thorogood, his assigned ‘handler’/babysitter who’s portrayed as Brian’s emotional punching bag in the film, I can’t think of anyone who DIDN’T have a motive to want Brian Jones dead! Although I mainly only like their music from that era. Oh, and from everything I’ve [not] heard about him, Charlie Watts was ‘the nice’ Rolling Stone. Of course, he’s barely in the movie, nor is Bill Wyman, because I guess they couldn’t find any lookalikes–even for Mick & Keith. I guess Rami Malek wasn’t available to wear the wig that made him look EXACTLY like Mick Jagger in ‘Bohemian Rhapsody.’ They must’ve blown the budget on giving the starring role to the most enormous teeth they could fit in his mouth so that they couldn’t afford BROWN contacts to cover his BLUE eyes! Sorry, after all the hype, including an Oscar nom for that awful excuse for a biopic, it irritated me no end how little resemblance Rami Malek bears to Freddie Mercury; it’s like they didn’t even TRY. His LIPS did all the acting in that movie! And, as someone with an overbite that’s almost certainly from the same medical condition Freddie had that I share & having seen him in interviews, he was not THAT self-conscious about his teeth! I’ve got old pictures of me as a kid before I even knew I HAD an overbite, much less had four molars removed & braces, with my lips doing just what his did, i.e., having a neutral facial expression. They only stuck out when I smiled. Soryy, ADHD is also highly comorbid with the condition!)
As for ‘oversinging,’ that’s the correct term, and there’s even a ‘subschool’ 😉 of it called ‘melisma.’ It’s the reason my online friend from Montreal, who taught HERSELF English when she was 11 (you couldn’t tell by her writing that English wasn’t her native language, and her vocabulary was way larger than mine!), told me she couldn’t stand Celine Dion. And the reason I go out of my way to AVOID singing shows. D:
https://www.notestem.com/blog/melisma/
And I suppose, HG, you don’t have the curse of perfect pitch, do you? Otherwise, you’d be complaining like my ex-sister does that you hate Whitney Houston too because she was always off-key/sharp! In my last permanent job, the mail lady used to torture me (on purpose, long story short) with a ‘soft rock’ (?) radio station whose playlist REQUIRED them to play Whitney’s version of ‘I Will Always Love You” AND/or ‘The Greatest Love of All’ AT LEAST three times a day, LOOOONG after they were hits!
Hmm, watching that video in the link above, I just realized why I hate opera singing too-oo-ooooo-ooooooooo-oo-OOOOOO! (Maybe I should put some on in order to get myself to finish the Empath Detector test. It’s REALLY difficult! Well, for me, that is, because some of the questions don’t apply to me because I’m disabled and never leave the house. So I HAVE to overthink them to try to IMAGINE what my answer would be NOW! Unless I should just skip the ones that don’t apply? Please help. BTW, did you know that when you have a concussion, you’re not supposed to read, look at screens, or do any complex THINKING? Who knew we had MUSCLES in our brain that can get overworked? But, as one of the ‘hard-of-understanding,’ I can attest that it actually HURTS to think with a concussion! You probably hated me less that way, or, considering that you hate everyone equally, you found me less annoying.)
P.S. Is it true that narcissists are pathological liars?
Okay, okay, I’ll book a flight to Scotland so you can have the pleasure of giving me another concussion yourself! And then torture me MORE by dropping me off at an NHS hospital with really big, noisy WARDS with bright lights & no privacy! (Been there, done that for REAL–in not one but TWO NHS hospitals! Nothing against the NHS, of course, because American hospitals have their OWN problems, one of which is NOT universal health care.)
So where should we meet? As in, what’s your favorite PART of Scotland? (I actually mean that second question, not that I’ll probably ever get to GO there. And am genuinely starting to miss not being able to overthink everything & have [almost] nothing to say!)
Sorry, one last bit of trivia since my ex-husband actually replied to my e-mail already. Turns out that John Lennon was inspired to write what I eventually realized was the O.J. Simpson theme song, ‘Run For Your Life,’ by Elvis Presley’s version of ‘Baby Let’s Play House,’ which contains the line, ‘I’d rather see you dead little girl than to be with another man.’ The music and the rest of the lyrics are completely different.
Anybody want to know anything ELSE about the Beatles? Cuz I guarantee he’ll know the answer off the top of his head. Except I don’t think he knew John was a narcissist till I replied to him just now. I hope he’s not crushed since John is his favorite Beatle.
(My ex is actually NOT a narcissist. He’s autistic like me. NOT the reasons we split up though, which was amicable but I won’t go into. Did I just hear a big sigh of relief??? In fact, the autism is probably what drew us together in the first place! That and he WASN’T abusive like the arch-narc just before him who ruined my life & then dumped me six months before I met my first husband! Six months was nowhere NEAR long enough for me to get my head back together & start dating again. Although FOREVER wouldn’t have been long enough if I hadn’t figured out my father was a narc–which HE helped me to confirm wasn’t in my imagination–20 years after our wedding/6 years after our divorce and then discovered HG’s work! And now I’m too old & decrepit & remarried to date!)
Hello Susan,
My dad used to go to the Cavern in Liverpool and watch the Beatles play. I think your ex husband might quite like that.
Too old to date? Nah! Haha!
Xx
I can’t disagree with either of those!
Is there a reason, aside from being more faithful to the original text, that you prefer the Johnny Depp Chocolate Factory to the Gene Wilder one?
The Oompa Loompa songs are superior.
Well now I’ll have to rewatch the Johnny Depp one, this is hard to believe…
AV,
“this is hard to believe…’
Pahaha..
Thanks for the laugh AV!!
You’re welcome WC!
I’ll let you know if I agree with HG’s assessment later…🤔😂
YES YES YES!
That’s part of being more faithful to the original text. I believe they stuck pretty closely to the lyrics in the book, which the Leslie Bricusse-Anthony Newley score did not.
I remember the Gene Wilder version more, saw it more times than the Johnny Depp version. I get the Oompa Loompa song stuck in my head. Lol The GW version song. Varooca Salt, that character was such a brat,it always made me laugh what happened to her. “I want an Oompa Loompa noooww!”
I used to use her song as an audition piece when I was still playing teens. One time 4 of us used the Bricusse/Newley to prank the casting people at one theatre company.
Violetta,
What is Bricusse/ Newley?
Rebecca:
Bricusse and Newley did the score for the Gene Wilder version.
I have so many questions for you.
Then do avail yourself of the consultation, that is what it is there for.
Understood
What if somebody was looking to work for you? What if somebody resonated with your body of work enough to percieve this whole suite of information as, potentially, leading to an extremely beneficial apprenticeship? Would you then consider them engaging with you to be a form of ulterior motive fulfillment?
This question rests on the assumption that any who would petition you for a job would be doing so with the full intent to maintain a state of deferential and subservient assistance, and thus they would not attempt to undermine you in any way or for any reason.
Ken:
You’re a braver man than I am, Gunga Din. I’d have been glad to have a boss like HG when I did office work: he’d have treated me well as long as I did my job efficiently and stayed loyal to him above other office narcs. Best of all, he’d never blame me for carrying out his stupid decision because he wouldn’t make stupid decisions. (I’ve worked for many inferior narcs, and will now accept nothing but the best.)
However, I wouldn’t dare consider myself a potential narc apprentice. If I am a Narcissist, I’m not a very effective one: I’m terrible at manipulating people. I can hardly get them to believe the documentable truth, let alone make things up. I don’t even want to think about the things HG hears in consults: you need a cool head to give advice, and I can’t keep a cool head when I’m thinking, “Your brother-in-law said what?!! Grab something solid and cave the sumbitch’s head in!”
HG, I didn’t know about this article/opportunity until today. Are you still open for questions here? Reading through the comments will likely answer some, maybe many, and prove interesting I’m sure also.
K: I’m just learning but I’d say mid-ranger, too.
That man smeared me to the day he died — and you’re right, no remorse ever. He gave me a concussion when I was 15. About 20 years later we were having Christmas dinner at my house and the subject came up. His response was, I did It then and I’d do it again.
SARAH
That’s awful! Sorry you experienced that; did your mother know he did that to you??? I couldn’t imagine anyone hurting my children like that, ever!
Oh, yeah. She was there. Not once in all my childhood did she stick up for me (or my brother.) He golden-child-ed my other brother. And the three of them had some weird enmeshment thing going. Honestly their marriage is something I have never been able figure out. Can 2 narcs have some weird power thing together?
SARAH
Triangulation. Yes, two narcs can work together as long as it suits their purposes. Your father is violent so he may be a LMRN or possibly even a ULN. You may find this video helpful.
Hi, K! Thank you for the video. Do you have the Part one of this video? I seem to have some difficulty navigating this site in finding things and the knowledge vault isn’t working for me…I don’t know why but it won’t let me search or load.
It was really interesting to listen to that. My father woz fairly intelligent he waz an executive for many decades before he started his own business. Appearances were extremely important to him and when he had guests over they were always served the highest and best wines, cognacs, you name it whatever would impress them. I personally enjoyed that because I got to eat all the leftover hors d’oeuvres they were quite tasty. I developed a champagne taste comment lol!
You could count on him always buying the best of whatever you ask for for Christmas.But everything came with a price am I learned that pretty quickly. I got to the point I refuse his help.
I knew he wanted a competition between me and my brothers and I refused to play the game. It was an instinctual thing when I was a little girl and teenager. I just sort of knew. And I knew who he was from a very very young age. It’s weird it’s like I could just see right through him and I refuse to let him control me which is why I got popped so often. Set my brother. One of my earliest memories was of him beating my brother who is perhaps 5 or 6 at the time, he threw against the wall finally and let him lie there and walked out of the Room. As he walked past me, I was sobbing, He looked at me snidely instead why you crying I didn’t hurt you. That brother just died recently from acute alcohol ism.
I thought for sure the way he spent money that he would have had a few million. However his state was only worth about $300k. Certainly not a small amount of money but not what I expected.
Ask for my mother she was pretty cold. When I was being bullied by somebody in junior high The girl was finally able to push me or something, she picked me up from school I was crying. I told her what happened response was, well you must have done something to provoke it.
When I was in high school I was about 20 pounds overweight and both of them made it quite clear that they were embarrassed to be seen with me. Yes, we are definitely an extension of him and I absolutely refused to participate.
My mother would also try to get me to join her in belittling my father in various ways. Mostly though she was just really cold and aloof.
My brother, full blown narcissistic sociopath, Was the golden child. He’s Dumb as a post, And now that my father is not here to support him, I have no idea what hes doing financially.
I want GOSO Decades ago with the entire family. Both my father and mother have passed, but when my father was alive he would still Drive past my house when he was in town, try to send gifts to my children which I always intercepted, Or other ways tried to assert control.
I don’t know maybe I should do a consulte with HG?
My pleasure Sarah!
Here’s part one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzZl4q3FJz4
You may have already noticed the search bar on the right, located above: Recent Comments and “home” is located on the upper left under the red bar. FAQs, Acronyms and The Rules are located under Formal info and I am not sure why you are having trouble with The Knowledge Vault, what device are you using?
Your dad was very violent and I am very, very sorry for what you and your brothers went through. Your childhood was horrific and your brother dying from acute alcoholism is so sad. He deserved better; you all did. Get together a list of questions or concerns and book a consult with HG. I think you need it, it will set things straight for you and give you direction.
K: thx so much! I did get the knowledge vault to work on my computer comment and downloaded quite a bit of things this morning! I particularly interested in hearing how America has been conned, since it has to do with George Floyd and I lived a mile from that when it happened. Should be interesting.
I have learned so much in just a short week I’ve been on this site and I had written down a number of things that indicate clearly that my father was a narc. I think you’re suspend is right upper middle or lower upper.
It’s interesting, I just listen to HG”s Interview where he really explains the Narc doesn’t really know what their doing they actually really believe their lies.
Does that mean that we forgive them? And by forgive I don’t mean undue no contact, I mean recognised truly that it isn’t us. I guess that’s what I’m getting most from this understanding that this mean can’t love anybody couldn’t love anybody, And that gives me me a real sense of freedom, oddly.
Could you think consultation might be good. So wish we could talk in person!
Hi Sarah,
I know your conversation is with K so please forgive if my comment is unwelcome. I just want to welcome you and say I am so sad for you to have experienced these things. You are in a place that can help. <3
AV
A Victor: Thx ever so much! That’s very kind of you and means a lot.
You are very welcome Sarah!
Excellent, you can navigate the KV and your proximity to the George Floyd killing will lend more import to the article America : You Are Being Conned.
You can do a Narc Detector (ND) for a definitive answer regarding your father’s School and Cadre; it would be interesting to know exactly what he is.
I really enjoyed A Raw Report Special and, if you want to understand more about lies (compartmentalization), you can search it on The Ultra; it goes into greater depth in that video.
This is what HG says about forgiveness:
HG Tudor says:
February 1, 2020 at 11:39
The last phase is Zero Impact.
Forgiving is a form of engaging and breaches the first golden rule of no contact.
You may find this video very helpful; the Big Reveal occurs at about 4:18. I do think a consult would be helpful and I, too, wish we could talk in person.
K: oh, this is brilliant! Thank you!
I always knew that my parents didn’t love me. (I remember finding my baby book and it had a button in it with a dad leaping for joy and saying, Its a girl! And even as a very young child I knew it was bollucks!) But I also always wondered why, and laboured under the delusion that somehow I could make them love me if I just did the right thing, found the magic key, so to speak.
Eventually, I realized intellectually that I could not, but emotionally I know I still tried. I was slowly distancing over the years, but after I was beaten badly by brother and father in my 30s, and my father lied to the police, that was IT. I was done. And I thank God to this day for that!
Interestingly, in my 20s, I was so embarrassed to be connected to him that I changed my last name.
Question for you and any other ACONS: Did you find yourself using narc manipulations? I know I did because he taught me “this is how you deal with people.” As children, we believe our parents know best. Fortunately, I got some good counseling when I was a young adult and that ameliorated over the years.
I saw the interview. So good!! Love his comments about Hollywood and how love/relationships are portrayed in movies. Spot on! I remember watching, My Best Friend’s Wedding and thinking, This is sick — and also explaining that to my daughter afterwards.
Hi Sarah,
I did use what I thought were narc manipulations but I wasn’t very good at them. And then I found out that empath’s do them sometimes when we’re stressed, mostly because we’re human.
Thanks for bringing this thread to my attention, I look forward to reading through the comments at some point.
AV
Forgiveness is a funny thing really. When I was younger I used to be very forgiving. I used to believe that everyone had some good in them and that either their bad behaviour was down to a ‘bad day’ or a ‘bad life’ lol. Now I realise forgiveness is nothing more than making excuses for bad behaviour and/or abuse it doesn’t make me a better or worse person if I ‘forgive’ someone. I don’t feel the need to forgive any N at all ever. Armed with LT, i just see the behaviour for what it is and it has no need to reflect on me in any way shape or form. I have not invited abuse, they are abusers and I feel completely indifferent to them.
You are welcome SARAH!
It is brilliant; HG has an article for everything. My parents didn’t love me either, when you have the time, check out this video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4TEpgfD1oA&t=536s
As an ACON, I manipulated throughout my entire childhood; it just came naturally and most of it was directed towards my abusive family and authority figures (like the nuns and priests at catholic school).
@Alexissmith,
Hi, I found your comment interesting. I don’t recall ever viewing people as inherently good, this has been part of my problem seeing Savior for myself. I generally feel they’re a bit more bad and I must accept them as they are, maybe this comes from my upbringing. Thank you for the food for thought regarding this and forgiveness.
Hello Sarah, and welcome here. After reading about the horrors you have been through, I am really glad that you have found this place.
You say you have already understood lots in just a week of reading here – yes, this is how brilliant HG’s work is!
You wrote: “Does that mean that we forgive them? And by forgive (…) I mean recognised truly that it isn’t us.” I think it is fundamental to realise that if we were not loved, it wasn’t because we were unlovable, but because narcissists cannot love. As you rightly say, it is so liberating! I don’t know about “forgiving”, that seems secondary to me. No longer being miserable after understanding what it was all about is the crucial part.
Alexis Smith: i think when I say forgiveness, I mean more like “let it go.” I don’t want to hang on to it for MY sake — not theirs.
Fidderless: yes, its very freeing, after so many years of trying to find a way to make them live me, earn their love, winder what I had done wrong, to finally know I did nothing AND nothing I could have done would have changed it.
On another note — on the way home I saw a license plate that read, 2MEAN4U
Yikes! Perfect example of a narc giving fair warning!