Questioning Me

Do feel free to ask me anything you like. I am here for you to dip into my mind and for you to benefit from learning how I view the world. No question is off limits and if you want to establish a dialogue with me, then so much the better. You will be helping me so I can show the treatment team that I am interacting with people in this setting. You can ask me why I do certain things, what am I thinking, what my favourite food is, whatever you like. This is your chance to extract as much knowledge and information from me as you possibly can. If you want to just make a statement, go ahead. Fill your boots. I don’t know you so I won’t fly into a rage (this does happen when people I know question me but that is because they have an agenda – you don’t because we don’t know one another). I look forward to hearing from you.

3,015 thoughts on “Questioning Me

  1. Black Phoenix says:

    Is it common for an UMR somatic woman have more IPSS at the same time?
    For example 2 Classic IPSS + 1 DLS

    1. HG Tudor says:

      During devaluation this is a distinct possibility.

    2. Jasmin (SOTF) says:

      Hi BP,
      I recommend this:

  2. Allison C. says:

    Dear HG–is sexual fluidity (in terms of choice of partners) uncommon in female empaths? If fluidity is present, is it related to the narcissistic traits of the empathic woman, or is it a manifestation of other causes in personality formation? Thank you.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is uncommon.

      In non-narcissists it is not a product of the factors which are present when a narcissist exhibits sexual fluidity as this is driven by the narcissism’s need for the Prime Aims. Empaths do not seek the Prime Aims.

      1. Allison C. says:

        That makes a lot of sense. Things are much clearer. Thank you.

  3. Asp Emp says:

    “— What would you have done if other employees came to you telling you that he was playing such games with them?

    In my HR role, I would’ve investigated the situation first and if I found he was guilty of harassment, he would’ve been let go.”

    The narcissist could raise a grievance and may hold evidence of having an affair with someone in HR department = conflicts of interest and therefore, HR may not have been appropriate to investigate, no matter how many others were affected by him. HR are already ‘implicated’. HR’s bosses / line manager may have handled it differently. The narcissist may contract a lawyer outside of work and claim for loss of employment / unfair treatment. Either the employer supports HR, or feed them to the wolves especially if lawyers from outside the company got involved. These kind of things can end up in the press. The husband finds out………

  4. In so many words says:

    Dear HG,

    I am sometime asked for advice by newcomers in my legal field, where we serve individuals, often disadvantaged individuals (although in my sub-specialty, I have the more privileged individuals as clients). The field tends to attract empaths. The advice I most frequently give is to pay attention to inappropriate or entitled behavior from potential clients (asking for an appointment the same day, insisting on their own deadlines, sending the same email to 2 attorneys at the firm without disclosing that this is being done). And to then not take on these individuals as clients no matter how much the newcomers need the business. And I qualify this advice by saying that the person may only exhibit the behavior this once, but it is not worth the risk finding out, as ending representation is not easy because of the ethics rules.

    Would you consider doing a video or writing an article on red flags in a business setting, both when engaging a client and when engaging a professional — doctor, lawyer, accountant? Or does the book Red Flags cover this? I am not dating, so have not read that book.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Your observations are sensible ones with regard to those behaviours.

      Yes, I would consider doing a Business Red Flags (Red Flag is aimed at romantic relationships).

      1. Dani says:

        That would be a fascinating read or series to listen to!

  5. Anna says:

    Dear HG,

    Should I use the narc detector or the empath detector?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Depends on what you are trying to find out.

      1. Anna says:

        HG. I am trying to find out about myself
        What would be best
        Narc detector or Empath detector?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Empath detector, the Narc Detector is used on others

          1. Anna says:

            Thanks for your reply HG

  6. Allison C. says:

    HG, do empaths tend to worry about whether they are actually narcissists? I also expend lots of mental energy monitoring myself for whether or not I’ve been completely honest (i.e. replaying conversations, analyzing my word choices, etc.). Often I’ve made the mistake of revealing things which ultimately put me in danger in an effort to be completely truthful. Even as I write this I’m interrogating myself (i.e. am I being phony in worrying about being phony?). Is this an empath thing? If so, can it be ameliorated? Thank you.

    1. HG Tudor says:


      1. Allison C. says:

        Thank you, sir.

        1. Joa says:

          Allison, notoriously! 🙂
          Quite often there are short-term moments, when I am even sure of it, despite the confirmation received from HG 🙂

          Except, I don’t care if I was sincere for other people or not (only for myself!). It’s not important to me. I said/wrote/did what I WANTED and to get what I WANTED – and that’s important to me.

          However, I analyze myself and the environment a lot. What was driving me (truly, primitive and deeply)? What was my real intention? What did I want to get? Were my words and actions perceived the way I wanted them to be perceived? Did I assess the situation fairly, without mixing up my own experiences? Did I hurt an innocent person? Have I managed to suppress my own malice, self-importance, conceit, mockery? Did I “pick up” the interlocutor, or did I “kill” him?

          Several times in my life I heard, that I am without ambition. “With your education, you should…”, “In this position, you should…”, “Take a chance and…”, “You could…”, “You’re too honest, and this world…”, “You’re too modest, and you have to…” (implicitly – stupid). “You’re too much of an idealist”.

          NO. I am not without ambition. I am hugely ambitious. But my ambition is not money or power. Ever since I can remember, as a child, I wanted, desired and dreamed of being “GOOD”.

          So, my ambition is to be a good person. Even if I was to destroy myself, scourge myself, make fun of myself, publicly expose myself to the ridicule of other people, devalue myself, or – as a last resort – if I couldn’t control myself – lead to a fall.

          And then, I think I’m an idiot, and then I think I’m a fucking lying Narc 🙂

          More or less that’s how it goes 🙂

    2. Alexissmith2016 says:

      I can only recommend doing the ED Alison. I put it off for ages, I have some very strong N traits, which I have to say have become far stronger post knowledge. I felt physically sick at Brahe thought of being an N. I thought I would literally just hate myself in confining I was, and I truly felt like I was at times, then I’d think I couldn’t possibly be, then convinced how could I do bad things if I wasn’t. It was torturous. The sooner you do, the sooner you will feel better about yourself. I embrace all my traits now in full, and realise that all of us (except Ns) have some good abs some bad in us and that’s okay. I have most definitely become far more selfish than I ever have been in my life (but my N traits were always pretty strong to begin with, so were my E traits). But I’m learning to enjoy them and don’t feel the need to intentionally hurt others. I have probably embraced them too much though. I hope you find some peace x

      1. A Victor says:

        Absolutely agree with you Alexissmith! It was the most beneficial thing I’ve done here, done before anything else in my case, and has helped tremendously with everything following.

        Also, my N traits are not high, moderate-low actually, but here, knowing that, I have been able to work at pumping them up a bit. Haha, sadly only a bit…but better than before!!

      2. Allison C. says:

        Thank you, Alexis. I’ve done the ED–like you it took me forever. I know what I am now, but I tend towards angst as my default mode anyway. However, believe it or not, this is actually me feeling better! Despite having HG’s analysis I still second guess everything. I’m having some success now channelling this tendency into my studies–it results in me making fewer mistakes and gaining a reputation for conscientiousness (useful when handling artifacts). Also, I’m on the spectrum, so there’s that. Unless there’s actually a hell, I expect true peace only when I’m dead. Or something.

      3. Joa says:

        Oh, now I’ve read more replies, Alex, AV, Allison – I agree 10000%, if only I could 🙂 Your wrote is a great relief for me.
        Thank you… for yours being honest 🙂

  7. Leigh says:

    Mr. Tudor,
    Your tribute to Tina Turner was very well done. She was simply the best.

    Will you be sharing her school and cadre with us? I hope so. If you’ve put it somewhere else, please point me in the right direction.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

      Yes, it will be discussed in a forthcoming video.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Excellent, HG. Thank you 🙂

      2. Leigh says:

        Fantastic news! Thank you!

      3. Rebecca says:


        I’m looking forward to finding out her School and Cadre. She’s a very admirable person, strong woman and very talented.
        How much material did you go through to get your analysis of her, just curious how much info it takes for all your research. Thank you for all your hard work, you’re very appreciated xx

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It is detailed.

          1. A Victor says:

            Can we guess? Okay, here goes…Super w some CoD and Magnet primarily… Ugh, I always get these wrong, hope this one is closer…

          2. Alexissmith2016 says:

            I think you’re right about Tina AV. I can’t wait to find out.

          3. Joa says:

            In my opinion, mainly CoD. Yes, it must also have a Super element.

            Savior, Carrier, Magnet, Geyser – everything except the Martyr 🙂

      4. Joa says:

        How awesome! I was curious too 🙂

        And of course I agree with Leigh – the Tina Turner series was great.

    2. Contagious says:

      Thank you! I love Tina! Also your show with Dr. Friedman was simply the best!

      1. HG Tudor says:

        I see what you did there.

        1. Rebecca says:


          Better than all the rest? 😆 xx

  8. Dani says:

    Mr. Tudor–
    1. If you were the arch-nemesis of any fictional hero, which hero would you choose?
    2. If you could take on any fictional villain, whom would you defeat?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. Sherlock Holmes.
      2. Thanos.

      1. Dani says:

        Sherlock Holmes…A battle of minds. Love it! Would you go for a villainous cabal with Moriarty and Adler?
        The Avengers have so much to learn from how you would defeat Thanos…and their subsequent subjugation IF you decided the infinity gauntlet was an appropriate accessory…

        Thank you!

      2. Truthseeker6157 says:

        James Moriarty fits quite well really.

        Other than the fact that he’s short.

        1. Dani says:

          Hi Truthseeker–
          I assumed that HG would still be HG…but it would be moves and countermoves as the Ultra waged war against literature’s greatest detective and played Moriarty like a fiddle… >:D

          Imagine HG leading a group of villains as a grand puppeteer…what would happen to the world?

          1. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Hey Dani 🙂

            Moriarty is quite an unhinged character, at least the recent interpretation with Cumberbatch suggests that. Unhinged is unpredictable, not an ideal target for manipulation. I think HG would find Moriarty’s showmanship irritating and would give him a wide berth.

            It’s likely there are elements of Moriarty in HG, just without the unhinged, erratic, showy aspects. Moriarty is a caricature of a ‘bad guy’. I think HG is only as ‘bad’ as is required to achieve his objectives.

            I don’t see HG as leading a group of villains. I see him more as a lone wolf, keeping well under the radar and serving his own interests through subtle manipulation and application of pressure.

            It’s interesting how we perceive “good old HG.”


          2. Dani says:

            Hi Truthseeker–

            I don’t like the Cumberbatch modern version of Holmes, and I don’t like the Moriarty in that show at all. (Though I wholly agree that Moriarty is portrayed as over-the-top unhinged in that version, if not an outright cartoon villain.) The one exception is “The Hound of the Baskervilles,” but that’s my favorite Holmes story.

            Generally, I prefer Holmes to be set in its proper time period. And I prefer Moriarty to be brilliant, the Napoleon of crime–if you will, and wobble back and forth between the right and wrong sides of the law. But Holmes, that nuisance keeps ruining all his wonderful plans…Moriarty doesn’t get a moment to rest…*dabs eyes and sniffles* But if Moriarty set about ruining H.G.’s play-date with Sherlock, Mr. Tudor might have to dis-incentivize the professor…

            A lone wolf…but remember he needs fuel…so he must have people to tend to his needs…to laugh at the little people with him…and congratulate him on his schemes coming to fruition…

          3. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Hey Danni,

            Yes, I can appreciate that if you enjoy the Sherlock Holmes stories then you prefer them depicted in their proper time period. Agree I don’t like Cumberbatch as Holmes either, but then I struggle to watch Cumberbatch in anything. I think he is overrated and his otter face distracts me. All I see is a talking otter!

            I’m not a Sherlock Holmes fan to be honest. I managed to fight my way through Hound of the Baskervilles but it was a battle. Just not my style. I liked the modern Moriarty because he was so unhinged! Full on bat shit crazy, although there is a scene where he goes to see Holmes and I thought he played dark very well there. Calmer, darker and he nailed the dead eyes. So for me, yes to Moriarty and no to Sherlock on the basis of Cumberbatch!


      3. Heidi says:

        Love this answer, because I keep envisioning Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock when I listen to the YouTube videos … except Mr. Tudor actually envisions himself as a “Moriarty.”So interesting.
        And excellent choice of Thanos — that is classic. Have always thought of Iron Man as a narcissist, so that tracks.

        1. Joa says:

          Ha ha ha, I laughed at myself 🙂

          I don’t know Iron Man. As a child, I loved comics, but with a different theme.

          So I was frowning all the time, trying to figure out what this conversation was about, because I confused Thanos with Thanatos 🙂

          And HG’s answer seemed to me bizarre and exaggerated – well, how can a man face death, in addition in a divine form?

          Thanks for clearing my mind Heidi 🙂

          1. Hi Joa,
            Having raised a boy who was all about super heroes, I know enough to be scary. He grew up with all of those Marvel films — we can chart his childhood by when each film came out.
            If you read comics but not Marvel, you might enjoy going into the rabbit hole … Thanos is diabolical, and the “End Game” film is fantastic.

      4. Another Cat says:

        HG, I have seen you describing Sherlock as an Upper Greater narcissist.

        1. Dani says:

          AC, please tell where…So curious!!

  9. annaamel says:

    HG, would I be correct in thinking

    1) you easily discern inauthenticity in others
    2) you don’t like it

    1. HG Tudor says:


  10. Luci says:

    Hi HG, can you explain the dynamic of Taylor Swift’s shorter relationships, the ones that only lasted couple months. What is dynamic there? Are they secondary or primary? Why would narcissist disengage so soon? Why go through all the trouble of seduction sex bombing and not enjoy a lengthy devaluation?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Either they are secondary sources who do not measure up to becoming primary and therefore do not survive the dating stage OR they result in swift disengagement as one of the five triggers is activated. More likely it is the former.

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        Apparently she’s moving Matt Healy into her digs!

        Moving with the speed of lightning on this one, what’s the rush?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          The Prime Aims, especially control.

          1. A Victor says:

            This is so interesting. I wonder what made him different from the ones who didn’t make it past the dating stage. A challenge, some fun for her? A sense of satisfaction at success in controlling him? Going to need to put him on a know the empath list possibly, though I don’t even know who he is. Knowing what she is, I expect he is high in Super and has significant Magnet at least.

      2. Luci says:

        What are some traits the victim have that might disqualify them from becoming primary ?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Deficiencies with regard to the prime aims.

      3. Luci says:

        How does a narcissist react when a secondary intimate appliance goes no contact after being shelved? Does it wound the narcissist?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          1. The narcissist may not notice the no contact, therefore no effect.
          2. If the narcissist hoovers and meets with no contact, it will wound.

  11. Leolita says:

    In my experience, it seems that a common trait in psychopaths (ASPD) is to take pleasure in seeing how much they can get away with. Is this correct, HG? Or is that a narc trait?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      That is correct.

      1. Rebecca says:

        Was my brother just testing me then, when I was 12 and 15?

      2. Leolita says:

        Thank you. I have heard several claim they «can get away with anything». And enjoying playing cat and mouse with the police.

  12. Black Phoenix says:

    What do you think of the most famous somatic Lesser Al Goldstein?

  13. Anne-Lise says:

    Dear HG,
    Is there a link between the IQ level of a narcissist and his type? Like lesser narcissist have lower IQ than greater?
    My second question is about the relation between narcissist and empath. Is it possible that the mutual addiction exist because they are the 2 face of a coin? Considering that narcissist tend to reproduce with Empath to ensnare them, the children have both genetic material to become one or another?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      IQ is a factor but not a determining one. Nearly all Lessers would have a lower IQ than a Greater, you could though have an Upper Lesser with a High IQ, one that is higher than a Greater´s.
      I have explained the reason for the nature of the attraction between narcissist and empath in existing work.

  14. Black Phoenix says:

    I think my uncle is a Middle Lesser somatic… verbal violence (I’ll kill all of you) and physical violence during a fuel crisis.
    However he generally have some kind of facade with people.

    Or he must be an ULesser B?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Use the Narc Detector, that is what it is there for.

  15. Leigh says:

    Mr. Tudor,
    I recently listened to your video, The Deluded Narcissist and in order to further my understanding of narcissism, I have a follow up question.

    While I understand that she is a narcissist and deluded, could there be any truth to what she was saying about her boss? Please allow me to explain my thought process. I remember reading that you sent a paper clip to one of your intimate partners. That seems innocuous. But obviously you did it for a reason. But since it was innocuous, it gave you plausible deniability and an opportunity to gaslight her & make her thinks she’s crazy. Could this woman’s boss being doing the same thing to her? I don’t deny that she’s a narcissist & deluded. But I wonder if there was a grain of truth in it. Was his actions innocuous enough to give him plausible deniability & an opportunity to gaslight her?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      In this particular case, no.

      1. Leigh says:

        Understood. Thank you, Mr. Tudor.

        1. Rebecca says:

          Hi Leigh,
          I got the ND back on my mother. She was a LMRVICTIM narcissist. I recall you saying your husband was a Victim Narcissist, but I’m not sure if he was Midrange or not…anyway, I’m hanging in there, hope you’re well too. Xx My new picture is of roses from my garden. Xx

          1. Leigh says:

            Hi Rebecca,
            Ugh! I’m so sorry Rebecca. My husband is a LMR Victim narcissist too. So is my mother. They’re both incredibly draining. I’m in ANC with my mother. I only speak with her once a month or so & its never more than 5 minutes. She unnerves me sometimes. In my last conversation with her, she said to me, “I figure you’re getting a divorce.” I had sent her flowers for mother’s day. I do that because I’m grateful she gave me life. But I didn’t sign my husband’s name. I never sign his name though because she’s not his mother. But anyway, it freaked me out because I can’t stand that she can pick up on these things. I haven’t seen her in over 3 years and our conversations are so brief so how the heck does she pick up on it??? I ignored the comment because I wasn’t going to give her fuel but I’m sure she got some thought fuel from it.

            Your roses are lovely!

          2. WhoCares says:


            “I got back my mother’s ND result and she’s a LMRVICTIM Narcissist and it’s a relief to get that confirmation. I feel like it validates the abuse and explains why I have the addiction and the imprinting, the conditioning behaviors and the codependent triggers.”

            I totally understand the sense of everything falling into place once HG confirms a narc in your life or past – especially the main one: your mother.

            Personally, it helped me finally understand how much my mother had overshadowed my childhood and how much she had twisted the truth to portray herself as the victim in the relationship with my father. (Although I never fully accepted her version of events – you don’t have much say/control/insight as a child being fed a certain perspective.)

            It’s not fun having your mother confirmed as a narcissist, but it certainly is freeing.

            Take care, Rebecca 💗

      2. annaamel says:

        Leigh, it seemed to me that she might have been projecting. She may have felt sexually attracted to him, and her narcissism (if that’s what it was) reversed it in her mind so she actually believed that he felt attracted to her. She interpreted everything he did through that lens.

        1. Leigh says:

          Hi Annaamel,
          I wasn’t questioning if she was a narcissist or not. I know she’s a narcissist. Besides the fact that Mr. Tudor has stated it, I also don’t believe an empath would take their boss to court over these trivial things. I agree with your statement that she was attracted to him and I can definitely see how she projected that onto her boss.

          My question was specific to the bosses actions. Just because she’s a narcissist doesn’t mean the boss isn’t a narcissist too. Narc on narc action happens all the time. It really was just for clarification for me. I can see a narcissist using this tactic to gaslight & since these things are so trivial, it creates plausible deniability. I was wondering if that was what was happening here.

          1. annaamel says:

            I see, Leigh. I looked up the story after seeing the video and I got no sense from anything I read that the boss was a narcissist or even narcissistic. Just in the wrong place (that company) at the wrong time (when she worked there).

          2. Leigh says:

            Thank you for that info, Annaamel.

            That’s a good way of putting it, wrong place, wrong time. Thats my life in a nutshell.

      3. Dani says:

        Mr. Tudor,

        What evidence would you expect to see if the man from “The Deluded Narcissist” was a narcissist who had the narc craft to be playing the games with her that she claimed?

        Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciated.

        1. Leigh says:

          HI Dani,
          I was wondering that myself. I know Mr. Tudor is the expert and can tell the difference. But how do we tell the difference? Is there some indicator or piece of evidence that would tip us off? I think Mr. Tudor would tell us that we have to look at patterns of behavior over time.

          1. Dani says:

            Hi Leigh,
            Mr. Tudor would absolutely say that. He frequently reiterates it. I know he’s right, too. I want to know, in a similar case…

            1. Could a narc walk away without issue if they were targeting just one person?
            2. What would their likely classification be if they were that good with their facade (UMR, Greater)?
            3. What if it’s the first time someone is speaking up so there is no previous record? What do you look for then?
            4. What if the narc intimidated other victims who might speak up into silence?
            5. If the victim in that similar case was suffering from emotional thinking, what would tip Mr. Tudor (and those not blessed with his narc-radar) to that being the case? Consistency of story, yes. (In the case of “The Deluded Narcissist” the court said that the story by the lady was inconsistent in a way that could not be excused by a faulty memory as Mr. Tudor told us.) But what else?
            6. What would a similar case look like if it was say MMRA v. MMRB? What if it was someone Lower Greater v. Upper Greater? (No need to ponder what would happen if the Ultra was involved. He would win (then change some facts and details to protect his identity and tell us about it while he indulges in his favorite champagne. I do so enjoy Ultra Story Time.))
            7. What empathic traits being corrupted would make a person continue fighting after a losing the first battle? Truthseeker and Justice, but what else? What narcissistic traits would be corrupted?
            8. Assuming that it is narc. v empath, is there a certain type of empath school/cadre majority that would be more likely to keep going?
            9. Mr. Tudor has said that victims, owing to their reduced emotional empathy, can begin behaving like narcissists. If that is happening, and the empath is intent on destroying the narc, what is the best way to tell that is the case?

          2. Leigh says:

            Hi Dani,
            These are just my opinions based off my knowledge of narcissism. I’m not the expert though.

            1. Yes, s narc could walk away if it seved their purposes to do so. Maybe a better prospect came along.

            2. Some MMR A & Bs have a solid facade management as well, especially if they have an empath as a lieutenant. I’ve unknowingly played the role as top lieutenant because of my conditioning.

            3. For me, that’s a tough one. I go by my gut a lot. Sometimes I’m suspicious, sometimes not.

            4. Absolutely that could happen or maybe the victim was suffering from ET and made excuses for the behavior.

            5. In this case, I knew she was a nac because if she was an empath suffering from ET, she would’ve made excuses for his behavior, not sued him.

            6. Thats what I was wondering, was it a higher echelon narc against a lower echelon narc.

            7. In this particular case, I don’t think an empath would go to the extreme of suing.

            8. Same answer as 7.

            9. It’s takes a lot to wear an empath down. Something this trivial would not wear down empathic traits. If anything it will raise ET and cause us to make excuses for the behavior.

            Here’s a piece of my story and how I came to my conclusions. I was a DLS at one time. He was a coworker. I could see him using these tactics on me to mess with my head. Then because of plausible deniability, he would be able to say, I’m crazy for even thinking it. One other thing is I’m in Human Resources and shouldn’t have even gotten involved with an employee. Never once, did I consider going after him even after he pushed me off the cliff.

            I know some empaths seek revenge but I don’t think they would over something this innocuous.

            The woman in tbis scenario, has narc written all over her. I wasn’t sure about the boss though. I’m glad Mr. Tudor cleared that up for me.

          3. Rebecca says:

            Hi HG, Leigh, AV, AspEmp, JOA, WhoCares, WiserNow, Witch, NarcAngel, JB, and KitKat,

            Hopefully I didn’t forget anyone…I got back my mother’s ND result and she’s a LMRVICTIM Narcissist and it’s a relief to get that confirmation. I feel like it validates the abuse and explains why I have the addiction and the imprinting, the conditioning behaviors and the codependent triggers. It explains a lot and it just clicks. How she treated me, why she acted like she did, one minute she seemed to care and love me and the next, she looks right through me. Thanks again HG for giving me this knowledge and confirmation of the one person in my life, before you, that made the most impact on me. Xx

          4. A Victor says:

            Rebecca! That’s exactly what my mom is also!!! Wow! You know what it’s like! It’s so awful! I am glad you know and now recovery is hopefully easier. It was all them ‘just’ being a narc. But, it was only them, just being narcs. It’s not us!! So happy for you to know!

          5. Leigh says:

            Yes, Mr. Tudor gives a huge piece of the puzzle! Everything clicks! Everything begins to make sense. Now with this info you can work on recognizing the conditioning and stopping it.

          6. lovemrthornton says:

            Hi Leigh,
            I agree with Rebecca — the best way to tell the difference is to invest in his Narc Detector service. I have done the Empath Detector and am considering the Narc Detector.
            The Empath Detector was great for me, because it nailed down my Achilles’ heels and gave me a lot of clarity. The Narc Detector is the flip side of that.
            Having done the Empath Detector, I can tell you it was highly accurate for me, and I was very happy that I made that investment in myself. About 12 years ago after my escape, I did 18 months of “de-brainwashing therapy,” but there have always been nagging questions to which I could not pinpoint the answer. I was shocked at how accurate the detector was, and the puzzles just sort of solved themselves.
            Both are expensive for someone like me, so I’m planning on doing the Narc Detector when able.
            Hope this helps!

          7. Leigh says:

            Hi Heidi,
            Thank you for your advice. I’m aware of the value of the detectors. I’ve been on the blog for over 4 years. I’m a majority standard, strong minority super empath. If you haven’t done the traits detector yet, I highly recommend it. It’s incredibly useful as well.

            As for my situation with narcs, I’m a double ACON, which means both my parents are narcs. I’m also married to a narc. I have two adult children, one an emapth and one a narc.

            My question was specific to Mr. Tudor’s video, The Deluded Narcissist.

            I’ve been reading your story about your mom, your ex husband and your son. You’re in the best place to get the knowledge you need. Mr. Tudor has a wealth of information here. I would also suggest taking a peek at the Knowledge Vault. There’s oodles and oodles of goodies in there. May I make some suggestions to read: Fuel, Fury, Sitting Target, Manipulated, Red Flag & Piipelines. That’s a good starting point.

          8. Rebecca says:

            I’m sorry didn’t mean to forget about you! Xx

          9. Heidi says:

            Hi again, Leigh!
            So sorry I misread your reply earlier and took it out of context to the original post! I am at the end of the school year and probably commented on a night when I was half asleep. I should be more careful in the future.
            Your life with all of those narcs must be so intense. I only discovered this community a couple of months ago by accident when I was listening to another YouTube channel and the YouTuber had an interview with Mr. T.
            I will spend more time on that Knowledge Vault now that school has finally wrapped up for the summer.
            Thanks for your reply!

          10. Leigh says:

            Hi Heidi,
            No need to apologize. I figured you misunderstood my original comment. I thought it would be a good idea to give you a synopsis of me as well.

            I found Mr. Tudor in a similar way. I was on another site and there was a link to one of Mr. Tudor’s articles. It was House of Discards.

            My father has passed away and my mom is in a nursing home. I’m working on escaping my husband. My husband is a victim narc so it’s more draining than intense.

            Enjoy your reading and listening!

          11. Joa says:

            I’m happy for you, Rebecca. You know where you stand.

          12. Dani says:

            Hi Leigh,

            2. I have a feeling that I have served in that capacity for MMRA and MMRB as well, and there may have been a UMR or two.

            5. I think empaths can be pushed to take legal action…
            In the Crowder analysis…Crowder’s wife, status unknown: likely emapth (considering he’s a narc), initiated the divorce. (According to Crowder). I think it takes quite a lot to do so. But if the one video of him telling her “I don’t love you…Get an uber…wear gloves…it’s unreasonable for me to help you when you’re eight-months pregnant…you need discipline…” is indicative of common behavior from him directed at her…it’s no wonder. (Shades of MMR there…from what I understand of the MMR…)

            6. It would be interesting for Mr. Tudor to discuss a greater narc vs a MMR court case if he becomes aware of it. We would just have to hope for sufficient interest to make it worth his time. I thought the Depp v. Heard was interesting because it was narcissist vs. narcissistic person. Hearing some of the texts Depp sent, the drug abuse, frequently being late to work, etc…I did not get empath vibes from Depp…

            “Never once, did I consider going after him even after he pushed me off the cliff.” — What would you have done if other employees came to you telling you that he was playing such games with them? What does it take to push you to take action on your account?

            I think when it comes to taking action, it matters what type of empath is involved and what type of narc too. I think their traits matter and where they are at with their emotional thinking. Mr. Tudor says that often those who are interested in ‘revenge’ at the beginning have the interest in revenge fade as the emotional thinking drops lower. That they don’t recognize the person who wanted the revenge once ET drops low enough.

          13. Leigh says:

            HI Dani,
            You ask very thought provoking questions.

            — What would you have done if other employees came to you telling you that he was playing such games with them?

            In my HR role, I would’ve investigated the situation first and if I found he was guilty of harassment, he would’ve been let go.

            If I wasn’t in HR and this was happening to a coworker, I would have jumped in to protect them. My savior automatically would’ve kicked in. I often come to the defense of people. It just happens naturally.

            — What does it take to push you to take action on your account?
            This is a tough question. I often don’t take action for myself. It has happened, but its few and far between. I don’t have a lot of empathy for myself. I’m working on that though.

            I agree that when taking action it does depend on the type of empath that’s involved.
            I don’t know about the Crowder case so I can’t form an opinion. I’ll have to listen to the videos. I believe that in the case of the Deluded narcissist, the employee was not an empath and that’s why she took action so quickly.

            As for revenge in general, I’m not one who seeks revenge. Once it over, I want it to be over. However, there is one thing I think about saying to my narc husband but I’ll probably never follow through with it.

          14. Dani says:

            HI Leigh,
            “You ask very thought provoking questions.” — Thank you!

            — What does it take to push you to take action on your account?
            “This is a tough question. I often don’t take action for myself. It has happened, but its few and far between.” — Does it strongly vary based on who it is? Is it easier to stand up for yourself with a stranger or with someone you know?

            “I don’t have a lot of empathy for myself. I’m working on that though.” — I’m glad to hear that. I think it can be difficult for all sorts of reasons…

            “I don’t know about the Crowder case so I can’t form an opinion. I’ll have to listen to the videos.” — It was a fascinating analysis (as all the analyses Mr. Tudor does for us are). It’s the first time I ever heard Mr. Tudor say, “Boo-hoo-hoo.” in regard to a narc going for a pity play…

            “As for revenge in general, I’m not one who seeks revenge. Once it over, I want it to be over.” — I can understand that. I don’t know that I’ve ever wanted revenge…I have wanted people to understand and take responsibility for their behavior. I have wanted space to heal. I’ve wanted the abuse to end…but revenge…it would be interesting to hear something from the prospective of an empath who did want revenge…and sought it with Mr. Tudor’s help…if they were comfortable sharing their experience with it…

            What do you think about saying to your narc husband? (if you don’t mind sharing)

          15. Leigh says:

            Hi Dani,
            I think I gave you a little bit of false impression of myself. I do stand up for myself.
            However, standing up for others just comes more naturally to me. I know it sounds odd but I’m the dominant one in the dynamic with my narc husband and narc mother I know that’s because is serves their purposes to have me take care of them, so their narcissism is allowing me to think I’m in charge. This is something that I’ve come to realize since learning about narcissism. I’ve been so used to being in charge from a very early age because I had to take care of my mother. Normally, if I feel someone is trying to assert dominance over me, that’s the biggest motivator for me to stand up for myself. Many times I’ll let things slide but I do have a breaking point. At some point, if someone continues to try to assert dominance over me, it doesn’t usually go well. Eventually though, I’ll just stop interacting with that person altogether.

            I’m not going to share what I would say to my narc husband. But I like your chutzpah, lol! I will tell you this though, I’d like it to be on his deathbed and I want to whisper it in his ear and then laugh. I guess that is revengeful. But I’ll probably chicken out anyway. I’m working on my escape plan. That’s going to be my real revenge.

  16. Anna says:

    HG, a few questions.

    1- Do you prefer colder climates for a holiday break?
    2-Have you ever seen the northern lights
    3- Can you tell on your blog if the regular posters are empaths or narcissists
    4- Have you made a decision on what I am yet?
    5- Does this decision influence the way in which you respond to those on your blog?
    6- What is your favourite sunny warm holiday destination?
    7- Have you ever dated someone with BPD?
    8-Do you prefer coffee or tea?
    9- Cooked or continental breakfast?
    10- Would you ever go camping?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. No.
      2. Yes.
      3. Yes.
      4. Yes.
      5. No.
      6. Tenerife.
      7. Yes, albeit they were really a narcissist.
      8. Answered before.
      9. Cooked, if those are the choices.
      10. I have done so many times.

      1. Anna says:

        Thanks for the reply!

      2. Anna says:


        4- Have you made a decision on what I am yet?


        4. Yes.

        So what’s the verdict? Please spill the beans. Heinz if possible. I am dying to hear your opinion on what you think.

        1. annaamel says:

          I opted to forego a lovely dark green corduroy skirt I’d had my eye on to purchase a detector, Anna. What will you give up?

          1. Anna says:

            Dear annaamel, Good for you!

            Well, seeing as I would have to purchase the narc and empath detector, both of which are a whopping 100 dollars each….and my decision of whether I would….well… I answered my own question really…

            I know what I am, I just wondered if Mr HG Tudor “Sir” had come to the same conclusion….as what I already know 😉😉😉

            Basically the beans were sadly not Heinz, but instead sitting before me is an unopened bottle of Worcestershire sauce. Absolutely scrumptious on baked beans may I add.

          2. Rebecca says:


            Try the Empath Detector first and you’ll get your answer and won’t need the Narc detector to get the yes or no answer. Xx

          3. Joa says:

            Annaamel, I was perfidious. I decided to invest entire monthly payment N2 for our child + pay extra tax from my money.

            I paid HG with N2 money for something, that was supposed to be for me and only me.

            I did it with genuine pleasure and satisfaction. I have entertained this thought many times.

            I have no remorse. Considering, that for 13 years N2 didn’t pay a single penny for our daughter and for 13 years he “forgot about her” – I could spend this one payment on what I wanted, when my daughter’s claims were satisfied by me.


            Yeah… that’s pathetic… It’s gotten to the point, where he has to pay to contact me.

            But it is good. My child benefits from it.


          4. annaamel says:

            I agree – it’s no small outlay. It’s even higher in Australian dollars. At least you’ve found out that you only need the ED. I think it’s courageous of you to be considering taking it, because I know you’re a bit wary of how the test (and by extension HG) might classify you. But ultimately all knowledge is power.

      3. Rebecca says:


        I had another question pop up for you. One of Anna’s questions made me recall my wonderings on this one, in regards to my Empath Detector. I’ve tried asking before, but got distracted and forgot. Anyway, do you see my Schools and Cadres in my behaviors as the ED showed, or do I act differently than my Schools and Cadres?? Xx That one was a long time in coming 😆 xx

        1. annaamel says:

          Rebecca, I think if HG were going to reply to this he already would have. I’m quite sure he’d say yes, he can see them. I can see them in your posts. Your co-dependence in particular is very apparent.

          1. Rebecca says:

            Hi Annamel,
            Thanks for your observations and sharing them with me. Xx I also relate more to the codependent side of me.

        2. annaamel says:

          I came across this older thread recently, Rebecca. It has some great comments about various schools that I found really interesting and beneficial.

          1. Rebecca says:

            Thanks Annamel, I’ll look at it, after work. Xx

        3. A Victor says:

          Hi Rebecca, do you remember a while back I said something about your Geyser showing? And then I was concerned to have offended you by saying it? I don’t see it as much these days but it still shows up sometimes, here, on the blog.

          I think on the blog it is easy to see an aspect of a person, how they present whether it’s their public persona, their writing style, based on the topic at hand, whatever might affect it at that moment, without seeing the whole, as we might see more of we were in person. Like with Isabelle, I never saw Geyser, was really surprised by that, but it was in my own limited understanding of what Geyser would look like that I based that. So there are glimpses of who were are, and I think usually accurate as to a piece of us, but certainly not the whole. And I think some, myself even, may hide (or think we hide) certain things, so as to not be so vulnerable.

          I find your question interesting, very interesting, since seeking to understand my own sense of self better these last couple of years.

          Fuel incoming HG: I once asked HG what he saw, I did not get a reply to that question, it made me sad, very sad actually, I was really really sad about this. It had taken a lot of courage for me to ask and when no answer came, I thought, he sees nothing…Over time, it became more clear though. And with the conversations, I did learn who I am. I am eternally grateful for that!! And also I learned how to know, at least a little, how I’m presenting to other people. And I’ve learned to see in others when they do not realize how they are presenting. My Savior wants to help them see it, ugh.

          When I saw you write at some point that you’d asked him similar, and he’d answered, I was simultaneously happy for you, confused why you had gotten an answer and I had not, and a little jealous! Mostly happy for you though.

          Anyway, thank you for asking this question, so brave of you.

          1. Rebecca says:

            Hi AV,

            Yes, I remember you saying, you could see my geyser showing and also remember you say, that I was so much like your daughter, in my behaviors and strong emotions showing. You didn’t offend me, no worries xx I like getting feedback on what people see in my behaviors, especially HG. It helps me compare what I see in myself versus what others see with me. Like you, I’m very much discovering pieces of myself that I didn’t look at before. Most of my life, I was busy looking at my environment, people around me, studying their behaviors, in the sense.. is this person safe or violent…the ever present self defense mechanism of reading people working overtime with me. Now, I’m looking in and contemplating my own behaviors and sometimes worrying.. narc?…and then I do what HG taught me, look at the evidence…no, not narc, stop being such an empath and going over the same shit…note to self..stop being a worrywart… Anyway, I like your observations and I hope HG answers you and I. Xx
            Oh, almost forgot, I think my geyser is less showy now because my previous anger with LMRSomatic is mostly gone….he’s practically dead to me. I just refer to him by dumbass, shithead , LMRSomatic and the rare occasion of his name. I prefer shithead 😆 xx

          2. A Victor says:

            Thank you for your reply Rebecca! Yes, you came across like my daughter to me! Her Geyser is less apparent now too, a bit, but when it’s majority, as hers is, it’s still going to be pretty strong. She asked me today if I had to choose one of my 4 kids to live with which one would I choose, haha! They’re always so competitive! She pushed really hard, she wanted me to say her! But I didn’t, I held firm, and my biggest take away was that they even think about this and actually would want me! I never felt that way about my mom!!

            I like getting feedback also, when I have developed a relationship with someone and feel I can trust them, as with you and HG. Otherwise I dismiss their opinion, especially when I have not asked for it. For those that I care about hearing from, it is as you said, helps me compare what I think I project to what is actually seen. Isn’t it great to have a safe place to find these pieces of ourselves? I love the way you laid out why you missed knowing who you were. I had not looked at it from that perspective before but that makes a lot of sense. Not only was there negative input, or neutral, from my parents, I was far too busy worrying about getting through the day safely to consider anything about myself. And continued that pace well into my adulthood.

            Anyway, thanks for writing, I’m glad to be on this journey with you!! 💕

          3. annaamel says:

            I’m so sorry to hear that you felt hurt when HG didn’t reply, AV. I realise you’ve moved on from those feelings now but at the time they were raw and strong. It’s the lingering esteem damage from growing up in an unsupportive home and creates these interpretations of other peoples’ responses or non responses.

            It’s tricky because HG is strong in cognitive empathy and it can look like he’s tuning in to people and their emotional needs – but he really cannot do that. He may sometimes not answer because he’s controlling the discussion, sometimes he’d be pressed for time, but there’d be times he really didn’t recognise an emotional need for a response or wasn’t sure how to respond suitably. I’ve seen him bypass topics that most people would instinctively respond to. I feel sure I recall a poster noting a new cancer diagnosis in a discussion somewhere and HG not responding at all. It seemed so strange but really, it’s not strange at all.

            I suspect he would’ve just not realised that question came from a vulnerable place and it took courage to ask it. I’m sure he values you as a loyal and kind and supportive reader and had he understood you needed an answer he would have given it to you.

            I can see your schools and cadres. It makes sense. When we answer the questions they are asking us how we think and act and so if we answer truthfully, those traits are going to be based on how we think and act. When we participate here we are thinking and acting and unless we are trying hard to create a facade and are very good at keeping it up for a long time we are inevitably going to show those thoughts and behaviours here. It is who we are.

            Our role, I guess, is to embrace the strengths of those schools and cadres and be mindful of the weaknesses inherent in some of them too. Self acceptance, self awareness, self control…

            Anyway, I think *you* were brave to confess how you had felt at that time and all those complex emotions. That is self acceptance as well.

            Emoji time.

  17. Black Phoenix says:

    If you could have sex with a famous female narcissist, who you would choose?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Charlize Theron.

      1. Anna says:

        Good choice HG. She is super hot.
        I loved her in the film “Atomic Blonde”
        She also gave a spectacular performance as the serial killer “Aileen Wuornos” in the film “Monster”.
        Her role in the “Devils Advocate” was also great.

        1. Her role in “Devil’s Advocate” was great. All the actors played their parts superbly, especially Al Pacino.

          Sadly, I see Charlize has lost a lot of weight and has come out with some bizarre commentary lately which doesn’t reflect the poise I’d normally expect from her. I sense an oncoming crisis of some kind, but it’s possible my expectations of some of these actors are way too high.

          She was also in a movie called “The Astronaut’s wife” with Johnny Depp. That was another fascinating film with eerie overtones that involved a bizarre pregnancy.

          She has a very sad personal backstory which she has overcome successfully. I was very surprised when I heard about it for the first time. You have to wonder how much personal experience some actors draw from when making certain films, and I think “Monster” was one of those for Theron. She claimed a well deserved Best Actress Oscar for playing the part of Aileen Wuornos in that film.

      2. Jordyguin says:

        Ahhh she is cool and moves so elegantly due to her dance education!…I watched the Vanity Fair Lie Detector Test, she took. When asked about her fav possessions she said „people“ and than realised it and added something to overplay. That was funny.
        What is your favorite performance of hers?
        I like all she does, but fav is Meredith Vickers in Prometheus. I hope her character returns somehow. And also Wild Christmas!

        1. Anna says:


          Yes her performance as Meredith was amazing.
          My favourite perfomance from Charlize is Monster.

          I actually studied forensics partly in my undergraduate degree and found Aileen Wuornos incredibly interesting and also very sad. I watched her last interview before she was executed. Very sad past indeed.


          I read about Charlize past as well. Yes a strong lady indeed. She is one of my favourite actresses. Although my ultimate favourite actress is Uma Thurmann. I loved her in Kill Bill. Amazing. 💘💘

          1. Jordyguin says:

            Uma is fantastic, a sweet, lovely empath, surely. I love her film list and personality!.. But yes, Charlize is strong. Icier than Uranus💙 and can’t do comedy very well and there is zero warmth in her eyes and smile, when she must squeeze the love, but I like her performances for the strength and power she is delivering, because it’s hers. And she also portrays narcs a lot, „Young Adult“, a typical lesser or lesser midrange, I’d guess. Ravenna in Snow White – obviously she played a version of herself… C. also date narcs. Can imagine she’d fall for HG instantly. Two stars orbiting each other, I believe was the phrasing, for the two Greaters. Though we would have an Ultra and a Greater. A star orbiting… a black hole.. dark matter.. the dark force? idk. help me out

          2. annaamel says:

            Your favourite actresses, of all the actresses in the world, are Charlize Theron and Uma Thurman?

          3. Anna says:

            @ annaamel
            “Your favourite actresses, of all the actresses in the world, are Charlize Theron and Uma Thurman?”

            Yes, that is correct. Seconded by Ruth Connell and Linda Hamilton.

            My favourite actors are Tom Hardy and Cillian Murphy. Seconded only by Mark Sheppard and Jenson Ackles.

            Who do you like the most?

          4. Anna says:


            Oh yes. Charlize is indeed an ice queen. She was amazing as the witch in snow white and the huntsman. You are 100% right. She played herself in that movie. It was amazing!

      3. TBS says:

        That would be a battle of the sexes if ever there was one!

        1. A Victor says:

          Haha, I thought, wow, that’d be some hot sex!!

          1. Joa says:

            We don’t know that. It’s just your imagination AV 🙂

      4. Dani says:

        Isn’t she also a narcissistic psychopath (self-aware)? I feel like I recall you saying that in one of your lives.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          She is.

          1. Rebecca says:

            That explains why I felt she was letting the cat out of the bag, when she would act out some of her characters, like in Monster and Snow White.

          2. lickemtomorrow says:

            Would you rate her cognitive empathy above yours due to her acting ability? She certainly is convincing. Interestingly, she had a spat with Tom Hardy on the latest installment of the Mad Max franchise due to his lack of organisation (turning up late) and from her POV perhaps lack of professionalism, likely seen also as a lack of respect. If I remember rightly, she organised to have an intermediary on the set with her as his antics left her feeling ‘unsafe’. It was all very strange, and I’m not sure what the narcissistic psychopaths game would be in respect of that situation, if it’s narc on narc action, or if it’s just a matter of asserting control. I would think given your assessment, Tom Hardy should have been more afraid of her. I wonder which parent may have carried that gene? Also, would you just like to test your wits against hers in any likely coupling?

          3. HG Tudor says:

            No, I would not rate her CE above mine.

          4. Anna says:

            That probably explains why I love her so very very much 💘💘💘

          5. Contagious says:

            And I think her relationship with Sean Penn was narc on narc!

    2. Anna says:


      1-If you could have sex with a male narcissist, who would you choose?
      2- Would you be the giver or the receiever?
      3- Or would you be both?
      4- Would you participate in a massive narcissistic after party orgy?

      1. Joa says:

        No, please… I beg… I don’t want to know HG’s answers to these questions! 🙂

        1. Anna says:


          That made me laugh. Thanks 😀

  18. Curious says:

    Do you watch the show Succession? What do you make of it? Do you think they’re providing an accurate portrayal of a Narcissist family system?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I found it interesting, although I have yet to watch it all.
      There are various aspects which are accurate.

      1. Curious says:

        Thank you

  19. Black Phoenix says:

    If the Manchester City will win the Champions Leaugue….
    Special Discount? 🙂

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Treble, yes.

  20. Black Phoenix says:

    Why a Female Middle Mid-Range Somatic refuse genital sexual intercourse with her IPSS DLS?
    Limiting herself to oral sex (no more cum eating) and mutual masturbation.
    Is an indicator of hard devaluation?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Corrective devaluation.

      1. Black Phoenix says:

        Thank you!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You’re welcome

  21. Viol. says:

    HG, what is going on with the person popping up on your yt vids posting under various names (with the same prose style and emotion patterns), quoting the Bible while doing what she’s reprimanded in others, pretending to interact with herself (? Uses “Mrs ___” in several web handles), praising her (?) own comments, trashing other viewers, and claiming that she mutes the sound on your vids anyway?

    Obviously, a narc trying to assert vontrol over you on your own channel, but I’m wondering if it’s only another laughable Sugar. Some have accused her [?] of actually being Harry’s Wife, and to my knowledge, she’s [?] never rushed to defend Trump, Chrissie Teegan-Taygen-Tiegen, oh my!–or James Corden (@r$3#013).

    Any possibility that, rather than being a “Baroness of Bethnal Green”-Bought Bot, this is a grudge-holding exile from Narcsite? (Not Pamela, I think; doesn’t ring of her prose style.)

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I do not see the individual as an exile from narcsite because :-

      1. Nobody is ever exiled and the narcissists that appear here, either lurk or periodically reappear to comment (or send me emails)
      2. The style does not match any of the narcissists that occasionally turn up here.

      1. Truthseeker6157 says:

        I think this is quite interesting. The unaware narcissists that periodically reappear seem ridiculous on the face of it. Months can go by and then all of a sudden they show up again. From our perspective we would say “Why bother?” They know the response they are going to get, and still they return. Obviously, it’s fuel to them, but it’s written word, unknown tertiary sources, so it’s low grade.

        I think what it proves is the absolute accuracy of your work on hoover triggers. I assume that these flyby narcs are still subscribed here or on YouTube, so you keep appearing on the radar. You pop up, are not under control so they decide to remain in position of withdrawal or they comment and attempt a direct assertion of control albeit via written word.

        To me, it just sounds nuts but it does prove that automatic response that narcissists have. We pop up on a narcs radar and we are at risk of a hoover, it’s really that simple. No grand design, no thought behind it, just we pop up on the radar and that results in one of the three assertions of control (assuming hoover criteria are met.) It’s incredibly formulaic.

        It shouldn’t surprise me by now, but it still kind of surprises me!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are correct TS.

          Your reaction demonstrates how you have your default setting view “This is crazy. Why return when you’ll be ignored by HG or put in your place by him and commenters”? and then you apply the logic as you’ve explained in your post.

          Since these individuals subscribe they get repeated hoover triggers by way of notification and their compartmentalisation causes a reset and they attempt a Hoover. I had one by email a couple of days ago from one which was prolific on the blog 5 years ago, gave herself away in December 2018 to blog members and thereafter has lurked, not commented and has hoovered me by email every 6 months or so.

          1. Heidi says:

            Hi Mr. Tudor,
            How long does it take you to work out that one of the commenters is a narcissist? Is it immediate, or does it require them to be on site for a while?
            Curious, because I can easily work out who is an empath based on what they are saying, but I have yet to see a comment and go, “That guy is a narcissist!”
            Thank you.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            It depends on the behaviour.

          3. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Thank you for your response HG. Interesting also that you don’t block, no need to I suppose, free fuel with zero energy required. Oh how I would love to see that inbox haha!

          4. KitKat says:

            Fascinating to hear you explain the hoovering process from the opposite perspective.

      2. Viol. says:

        Thank you. It was the pattern of emojis (previous post autocorrected to emotions) that was so blatant, one had to wonder if she seriously thought we’d believe these were separate people. TS has caught herself wondering how anyone could act so “crazy”; I have caught myself wondering how anybody could act so stupid. It’s hard to process the kind of narcissism whereby someone who tells discredited lies is outraged when they are indeed discredited. I’m not shocked by the dishonesty so much as by the clumsy and obvious nature of it. Do they not consider us worthy of more effort, or can they really do no better than this?

      3. Dani says:

        Mr. Tudor,

        What is the approximate number of narcs that try to hoover you here on narcsite?

        Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciated.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Do you mean at any one time or over time?

          1. Dani says:

            Over time, please.

            Do you notice that certain ones appear at regular time intervals or after so many articles are posted?

            Thank you so much for your time! It’s much appreciated.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            There is no regularity with regard to the pattern of appearance, save that they always do appear.

          3. Susan says:

            Narcs ‘hoovering’ The Ultra, as if he’s ever been ensnared on this blog??? That sounds like a rhetorical question in response from HG! ‘At any one time.’ So many he’s lost count & needs to check his ledger?😆

            Yes, I’m slow on the uptake when it comes to rhetorical questions. I only found out I’m autistic two years ago … when I was 58!

            (Alas, I need to unsubscribe from this topic for the time being so I don’t miss ANOTHER direct e-mail labeled ‘HG Tudor’ since I’ve been TRYING to schedule a consultation with him & keep missing his ACTUAL e-mails!🤦‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️ I hope to be back though; I love this topic!)

          4. Dani says:

            Hi Susan!
            I’m also autistic and fail to spot rhetorical questions…and I tend to answer them only to find out later that an answer wasn’t wanted.

            Mr. Tudor says that most people on his blog are empaths looking for help. He also says that there are a small number of narcs. I’m interested in other data regarding people Mr. Tudor assesses as narcs who frequent narc site. I think there is a great deal to be learned from being able to observe the behavior at one point in my learning and returning to it later and see what I notice (similar to relistening to Mr. Tudor’s videos). I often find myself noticing different things when I listen to videos the second and third times.

          5. Dani says:

            Fascinating. Thank you, sir.

      4. k mac says:

        There is more than one of us doing that? 🤣 We can’t help it. We are trying to stay away but the addiction is real! I hate the word Lurk. It sounds so creepy.

  22. Heidi says:

    Hi Mr. Tudor,
    1) I was searching for the follow up on your encounters with Harry’s wife. Are they on site yet? I do not want to miss them.
    2) What was your take on the balcony shot? It seemed to me like a perfect narcissist move, putting the other family members on other balconies so that Charles could be front and center. The media was saying it was to symbolize the “slimmed-down monarchy,” but I think that was a clever line that Charles has developed. 🤔

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. No.
      2. Addressed in videos uploaded.

    2. Curious says:

      1. Is this a real-life encounter with H’s wife?
      2. Do you think Charles is in the club?

  23. Summer says:

    I greatly appreciate your work.
    I’d like to ask what happens when a narcissist marries a normal?
    Thank you very much

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Same dynamic, golden period, devaluation and then either escape, disengagement or neither. However, it is far more likely that a normal will escape and at an earlier stage compared to an empath.

  24. In so many words says:

    HG, the more I learn about narcissism and psychopathy, the more I think it is behind nearly every newspaper headline, whether it is about violation of human rights, election or financial fraud.
    1. Do you think greater awareness of narcissists and how they operate is a big part of solving the world’s problems?
    2. Is that a result that you would want?
    3. If yes, is it because it would greatly contribute to your legacy and your wins or because you are rooting for empaths and normals in the next century? Or both?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. Yes.
      2. Yes, for my legacy.

      1. Anna says:

        It would be great if HGs work led to Narcissists and psychopaths being exposed.
        Leading to a world which was more caring and run by empaths.

        Heaven comes to mind.

        This is of course just a dream/fantasy.

        1. Allison C. says:

          I like the idea of knowing where the devils are, but I’m not so sure I’d want to live in a world full of angels.

  25. KitKat says:

    Have you ever:
    1. Experienced totality of a solar eclipse
    2. Seen the northern lights
    3. Been scuba diving
    4. Gone rock climbing
    5. Given someone a poison apple
    6. Given someone a poison anything
    7. Been in an area during 24 hours of daylight, and if so, where
    8. Gone whale watching
    9. Studied knots, and if so, do you have a favorite knot (Curious for non-perverted reasons, promise)
    10. Flown your own plane/helicopter, and if so, do you have a license
    Bonus question:
    11. Made plans to see Duran Duran’s 2023 tour

    Thank you!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. Yes.
      2. Yes.
      3. Yes.
      4. Yes.
      5. No.
      6. Yes.
      7. Longyearbyen.
      8. Yes.
      9. Yes. No.
      10. Yes.
      11. No.

      1. KitKat says:

        Longyearbyen, I think that’s where the seed vault is!! So cool.

      2. KitKat says:

        I don’t even care about the circumstances under which you poisoned someone, I want to hear about the northern lights and if you saw any polar bears 😹

      3. Rebecca says:

        Hi KitKat,

        Very interesting questions….thanks for asking them. Xx

        I’m curious on your answer to number 6, what was the poison thing, if you can answer?? Xx
        I was wondering, which do you prefer to fly?? Helicopter or plane?? Xx One of my favorite shows, as a kid was AirWolf. I thought that helicopter was awesome and wanted to try flying it. It’s one of my goals in life, to have a pilot’s license. Xx

        1. KitKat says:

          Thanks Rebecca, glad you like them. He has done so many interesting things.
          The poison bit was thrown in for comical effect. Didn’t expect the affirmative answer, but I should know by now to expect the unexpected from HG!

          1. Rebecca says:

            Hi KitKat,
            I definitely will not tell HG of my allergy , after reading the poison affirmation 😂, I’ll keep it to myself 😂 Yes, HG is an interesting guy, keeps us on our toes…then again, that could be the rope 😂 xx
            A pilot’s license is on my to do list. My dad was an aviation engineer in the Navy, so I grew up being exposed to all the aircrafts he worked on. I still remember the first time my dad gave me a tour of a P3. I was excited and awed at the interior of the plane. I’ve been inside a helicopter too. I wanted to go up in it, but wasn’t allowed to be off the ground with me in it. 😂 I’ve been on commercial flights, no problem, but I’ve wanted to fly in a helicopter and a private plane, just to know what it feels like…Almost forgot, I’ve seen the Blue Angels perform live from the Navy Base and I love watching them do daring feats. I wanted to be up there so bad! Xx

          2. Rebecca says:


            Lucky for me I can smell the almond scent from arsenic 😆 🤣 xx

          3. Rebecca says:

            I enjoy getting the unexpected from HG, it’s usually informative and entertaining. He keeps us on our toes 😆 xx

        2. KitKat says:

          P.S. Rebecca, you should totally go for your pilot’s license!

        3. KitKat says:

          @Rebecca, You’ve tested your arsenic-detecting skills in real life?? In a chemistry class or something?
          There’s a way around that: In case your target has the same ability, all you have to do is serve them almond cookies. Voila! Almond smell explained away.

          Or so I’m told.

          1. Rebecca says:


            Yes, in high school in Science lab, we had samples of varies chemicals and it was one of them that the teacher said, was usually hard detect because some people can’t smell it. I was one of the few, in class, who could smell the almond scent arsenic gives off to me.
            😆 I have no one in mind to poison and ill keep the almond cookie idea in mind, when I go out for dinner at someone’s house….you never know who might be trying to poison you. 😆 The almond cookies will be a good red flag and I’ll be sure to check the bread for mold 😆 🤣 xx I have a strong feeling arsenic was the answer to number 6. 😉 😆 xx HG will never tell and if he did, he’d have to silence us….forever *villainous laugh*

          2. Dani says:

            @Kitkat and Rebecca,
            Arsenic isn’t the poison that has the almond association. Cyanide is. And my understanding is that not everyone has the olfactory or tastebuds to detect it…

          3. Allison C. says:

            I’ll see myself out…

          4. KitKat says:

            Dani, I was just testing to see if anyone noticed the mistake about arsenic and almonds…
            No, I’m totally joking, I can’t believe I made such a rookie mistake!! Ugh, I’m horrified. HORRIFIED! What kind of a true crime junkie am I? A shite one, obvs.

            Some people can’t detect it? Yikes, you never know if you’re one of them until it’s too late haha.

            Rebecca, The word ‘poison’ can also mean ‘tainted’, or tampered with. Going by HG’s vast knowledge of vocabulary, he may have been answering my question in that manner.
            Although it’s possible that HG slipped a mickey into someone’s drink in his youth, I took it to mean something like spitting in someone’s food.

          5. Rebecca says:

            Hi Dani,
            I was told its arsenic, oh well, my mistake, no biggie…it was Science class, not the War Dept. 😁 xx Nobel 808 smells like almonds too. 😉😆 In any case, I can smell the almond scent.

          6. Rebecca says:

            Hi KitKat,
            😆 I got the two poisons confused, arsenic, cyanide…I watch crime dramas, crime documentaries and the like…I screwed up too. 😆 Oops! I’m just happy I’m not mixing chemicals myself. Just for the record, it wasn’t me who caught the Science lab on fire and caused a minor explosion, though it was funny that it was someone from my graduate class. 😆 No one was hurt, but the teacher made a point of not leaving for a bathroom break ,during chemical experiments. The bomb threat was another crazy day.

          7. Joa says:

            Rebecca, immediately so hard, with arsenic 🙂 It wasn’t necessarily a fatal poisoning.

            Maybe HG gave someone, for example, a tablet for diarrhea? 🙂

          8. NarcAngel says:

            One can administer a poison pill in business, some poisons are used as medicines….many possibilities.

          9. Rebecca says:

            😆🤣Your comment reminded me of a scene in a movie, where one character gave another character, unbeknownst by him, some “colon blow” and the bathroom was never the same. 🥵😫🤢😵 You might have something there, HG could very well just make the person wish they died, being so sick….been there myself from a stomach bug. 🤢 I just automatically think poisoning and death, most be the crime documentaries and killer investigations I watch. 🔎 🤔xx My mind likes a good murder mystery to solve.

  26. Black Phoenix says:

    Was the person hoovered by you after 12 years an IPPS or IPSS?
    What kind of method did you used?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Former IPPS.
      The telephone.

      1. Rebecca says:

        I bet she remembered you, probably still has your letters you gave her xx

  27. Dolores Haze says:

    Dear HG, how often do you see in your blog work and consultations that the victim believing herself/himself to be the IPPS of the narcissist is in fact an IPSS? When that is the case, is it a manipulation technique by the narcissist, or the effect of the emotional thinking of the victim, or a mix of both?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It happens but it is not common. It is usually the effect of emotional thinking with some manipulation.

      1. Rebecca says:


        My best friend, the other day commented, that she thinks I have ADHD, like her daughter. She thinks this because I don’t like to be bored and I like to keep busy. I told her that I had three psychiatrist tell me I don’t have ADHD or ADD and then I listed my behaviors that I’ve noticed, that don’t fit ADHD or ADD, like my tendency to overfocus and I’ll work on something until I’m done, pushing myself to complete the project no matter what…You’re so great at seeing behaviors in people, what is your opinion? Does my friend’s opinion ring true, or are the doctors correct? 🤔 I felt hurt and insulted by her words , and I pleaded my case, by listing points against her idea that I have ADHD. Just because I like to keep busy, doesn’t make me ADHD…I did tell her how I felt. Sorry, I’m still feeling a bit hurt by her words and going on about it…xx

        1. Leigh says:

          Hi Rebecca,
          Is this the friend tnst you wanted to do the narc detector on? Did you ever do it?

          You’ve had 3 psychiatrists tell you that you don’t have ADHD or ADD but yet she thinks you do have it? When you tried to defend yourself, what was her reaction?

          I apologize if I’m over stepping but thats something my narc husband will do. He’ll act like he knows better than the doctors. It feels like a red flag to me.

          1. Rebecca says:

            Hi Leigh,
            No worries, you’re not overstepping with me. Xx

            Yes, she’s my best friend and I had the ND done on her. She came back normal, but HG did say, she’s a bit snippy. She can be outspoken at times and we verbally battle at times because of her words and me defending myself or her daughter. She showed some narc traits in that regard, but not enough to be narcissistic or a narcissist. When I told her that I’ve been tested three times and listed my points as to why I’m not ADHD or ADD, she backed off, but will bring it up again later. I just repeat my points and she backs off again. I tend to get worked up, when I feel insulted and I don’t see myself acting like I have ants in my pants, like her daughter does….maybe when I’m nervous, I act like that. When I’m in Consultation with HG I’m nervous, until I can calm myself again….but, it’s not an all day occurrence and not a daily thing, like it would be if I had ADHD. And, there’s nothing short about my attention span, I overfocus on things, it’s a trait of OCD that I have, I can see that. I can obsess on things until I pick it apart and solve the puzzle. I don’t drop it, until I get my answer. I’ve learned to accept it as part of who I am. I know my husband, MLSomatic, digs at me being a dog with a bone, but I just ignore his remarks.
            I find it funny that I know more about the behaviors of ADHD, than my best friend, who has a daughter with ADHD and an older daughter with ADD. Maybe when I’m nervous and show the anxious energy of pacing and restlessness, she thinks it makes me ADHD. She doesn’t understand disorders and the fact that they don’t come and go like that. I have an interest in psychology, she doesn’t, so she doesn’t have the desire to know about behaviors and the human mind. I think, if her daughter were mine, I’d be studying ADHD, just to understand her better. She doesn’t take much interest in her ADHD, just gives her pills to control her, when and if she feels like medicating her. She said there’s a shortage on her meds now, so she has to pick and choose days to give her, her medicine. I know when she’s off her medication, her daughter is literally bouncing around and laughing. I can deal with it and laugh at her excitement, but sometimes she gets to be too much for me and her energies gets me feeling anxious. My best friend is right away annoyed with her bouncing and laughing. She’ll get mad and grab her arm to get her to stop. I don’t like it when she gets mad at her. I feel her anger and I go on the defense and feel on edge. I react to angry that way, I get quiet, still and watchful, waiting for any sign of violence from the person I’m focused on. I don’t like how she grabs her. To me it’s a red flag to violence. I’m still watchful with her, because as HG said, the ND is only based on the material I supply to HG, as he can’t observe her, himself, he can only go on what I tell him, and so if I don’t give enough examples of her behaviors, the outcome will be different. The advice I can give about the ND is, don’t worry about the word limit and just tell him everything, leave nothing out, explain all the times you saw this or saw that. It’s worth it to leave nothing out, even stuff you might think doesn’t matter. It might make the difference in outcome. I did that with my mother’s ND and was worried about going over the word limit and also thought I gave all the most significant examples, I didn’t. I had to add more examples and that was my own stupid worrying that caused the issue. I knew my mother was a narc, she had way too many indicators, red flags for me. She was a LMRVICTIM narc, explains her pity parties and the times she got violent with me. Sorry, I’m writing a book here. Xx HG confirmed to me what I thought she was, HG came to the same outcome as me. Definitely a Victim Narcissist and Lower Midrange, she exhibited some violence, facade of being weak and sickly and had major pity plays . I imagine, Leigh, that your husband is all about the pity plays too. I hated her pity plays, because I knew they were bs. She’s why I don’t like it when some people show pity to me, why I don’t speak about my abuse outside the blog, except with HG , close friends and at times in therapy. I don’t like people giving me pity, pity is for someone who can’t help themselves, like a child is, I’m not a child and I’m definitely not searching for pity, like my mother did. Xx

          2. Leigh says:

            Hi Rebecca,
            What I’ve learned is that everyone has some toxicity, even empaths. I’ve also learned that not everyone is going to get along, even two empaths. For me, it doesn’t matter if someone is an empath, normal or narcissist. If I don’t like someone’s behavior, its my right to say, I won’t engage. Its ok if you say you choose not to engage with your best friend anymore. Just because she’s a normal doesn’t mean you have to accept her toxic behaviors.

            If I wrote this about one of my friends, what advice would you give me? That answer should tell you what you really should do about your friend.

            Yes, pity plays are the worst but they used to suck me right in. I’m a caretaker and I had to take care of my mother from a very early age. As I’ve learned about narcissism my tolerance for them has diminished. Pity plays don’t work on me quite the same anymore. Now they actually irritate me.

            I don’t like when people pity me either. Fuck that noise! I’m kick ass, lol!

          3. Dani says:

            You said, “Pity plays don’t work on me quite the same anymore. Now they actually irritate me.” — Do you have a way that you know when it is someone in particular who needs help or is overwhelmed and not going for a pity play? Do you base it on volume of times that they have behaved in this way toward you?

          4. Leigh says:

            Hi Dani,
            I base it on a couple of things, like how often they behave that way, how long we’ve known each other, the nature of their needs, is there something else going on and they’re making it about then. I also have a spidey sense. Sometimes I can tell when someone is bullshitting me. That’s how my Contagion works.

            But the truth is, in general, I’ve gotten to a point where I have very little tolerance and don’t help quite as much as I used to.

          5. Rebecca says:

            I’ll have to rewrite my whole reply to you, it just got erased somehow and I’m too flustered now to rewrite it. I have to get ready for work….how the hell did I lose my whole comment?? Only me! 🙄🫣🤪😔🙄🫣

          6. Leigh says:

            Ugh! WordPress is a pain in the booty sometimes!

          7. A Victor says:

            This is a reply to Dani regarding how to know a pity play is serious or not. Hopefully you see it Dani, I can’t scroll through this thread again.

            My mom is a victim narc. Pretty much everything that comes out of her mouth at this point, she’s 83, is a pity play. I am in ANC with her, for some time now, but every time there is contact I have to assess what she tells me by watching, listening, weeding through the pity party to try to accurately assess any real concerns. I was an EMT and have training as a Medical Assistant also, so I know what to watch and listen for. I am very quick to act on anything that I assess as real. Aside from that I give her a little fuel with, “Well, try an aspirin maybe.” Or some such. And I get out of there. My kids also tell me they’re concerns, I have one trained medically and my son lives with us so sometimes can see things when they interact. It is tricky because no one likes being around her because all she does is complain and sifting through the complaints is a challenge. She wasn’t always this bad, when she was a lot younger, but she’s been this way for at least 20 years. In all honesty, if I wasn’t legally attached at the moment, I wouldn’t pay much attention. And then something would likely happen at some point that was real, and no one would be around to help her. I look forward to that attachment ending.

            I avoid victim narcs like the plague, they are the worst!

          8. Rebecca says:

            I lost my comment again….so annoyed…third time is the charm I guess…what a pain in the ….Anyway, my best friend just broke up with a narc. I shared HG’s work with her on several occasions and I just sent the video about narcissist and alcohol, and the one about the narcissist versus the alcoholic and the difference. Her ex was a recovering alcoholic, like my narc husband. I didn’t like her ex, not on the first day of meeting him and not on the last day I saw him. He didn’t talk much around me, probably afraid a bone would fly out of his mouth….I saw him, saw him, his behaviors and I couldn’t help, but feel his vibe. I’d watch him, ask him questions and getting his vague answers. I tried to tell my best friend to watch out, but she wouldn’t listen. I saw too much bs from him. Their relationship was moving too fast, he was hoarding all her free time as much as possible. He pouted when she wanted to spend time with other people. In fact, it’s what caused their fight, that broke them up. She wanted to spend time with me and others last weekend and he got mad. They fought and broke up. Now she wants answers from him and only him. I told her, HG can give you those answers, you won’t get them from your ex. She thinks she can. Waiting on her to figure it out. Xx

  28. Candied Pansy says:

    HG, have you seen the show Killing Eve or read the books? Villanelle reminds me of you.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I watched three episodes and then stopped, Sandra Oh´s acting was so poor I could not continue.

      1. Alexissmith says:

        Oh goodness! You’re the first person who said that HG! I couldn’t watch either because of her acting. Really ruined it. Everyone kept telling me to try again but I know it’s just not for me.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          We have an accord.

          1. Rebecca says:

            HG and Alexissmith,

            I only watched episodes here and there, my best friend liked it, that’s why I saw some of the episodes, catching it at her place. ..The actress, who played Eve, I found her facial expressions just off, I agree her acting sucked…the story was funny at times and it had an amusing storyline, it got more crazy as it went on…”Villianelle” made that series, she was great! She could act and the character was delightfully funny and scary. I enjoyed her….too bad she kept Eve around…a real bummer. Xx

          2. Alexissmith2016 says:


            I thought we were soulmates though?

            But I did genuinely despise her acting!

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Only when I say so, as you well know.

          4. Rebecca says:


            1) What was your favorite show, during your childhood?
            2) What’s your favorite show now?
            3) Do you experience nostalgia? My brother would claim to feel nostalgia from old songs from childhood.
            4) Was he telling me how he really felt, or was it a manipulation?
            Thanks for your time and knowledge. Xx❤️❤️

          5. HG Tudor says:

            1. One of my favourites was Robin of Sherwood.
            2. Rake.
            3. No.
            4. Manipulation.

          6. Rebecca says:

            Thank you for your replies. Xx I’m curious, because you arrange your time so efficiently for your goal oriented projects and I’m sure your “play” time is also efficiently timed. What’s the ratio of time between projects, work and personal? Projects meaning the blog, writing books etc. I’m curious because it’s seems you work 24/7 most of the time. Xx I like to keep busy myself, hate being bored, being bored is the worse for me because my mind dwells on things I’d rather not think about. I’m plagued with an overthinking mind.

          7. HG Tudor says:

            It varies.

          8. NarcAngel says:

            Rake was a rare treat for me. Now that I’m reminded, I may watch it again, which is something I rarely do. Thank you for the reminder.

          9. HG Tudor says:

            You are welcome.

          10. Rebecca says:

            Rake? I think I’ve seen an episode. Is the main character blond and a gigolo? I think it’s the right one? Xx

          11. HG Tudor says:


          12. Rebecca says:

            Thank you HG, for your reply and confirmation xx I’ll have to watch Rake again, maybe a few more times. 😁xx

          13. Rebecca says:

            Thank you HG xx I try to balance my time, I’m not always successful about it. Xx I tend to overfocus sometimes and neglect another project.

      2. Candied Pansy says:

        I still watch, but Eve annoys me and is my least liked character, four seasons in. Never thought we were all getting scarred by Sandra! Is she always like this?

      3. Contagious says:

        I agree. I stopped too. But what about the series YOU? Last series was set in London. My issue with the series is that there are ZERO normals or empaths in it making it crazy.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I have not watched that series.

          1. Contagious says:

            HG it is an excellent show on psychopaths and narcissists with twists and turns and power plays including a lock room. Also narc on narc or maybe psycho on psycho. I thought of your work throughout it. It is acted well by the lead. Gwen is in it and a perfect Narc. The only odd thing about it is the lack or sparcity of norms or empaths. It does tailor to the greatest and wealthy…Netflix. There is a writers strike. Head of Netflix and Disney don’t want to give writers royalties etc… head of Netflix did get a 40 million bonus. Guess Netflix will have to get more Brit and subtitled content now. Late shows and talk shows are closed down.

          2. Anna says:

            YOU on Netflix is very good. I can highly recommend it.

            Persevere everyone. Season 4 is well worth watching. A real sucker punch at the end for sure. Didn’t see that one coming.

          3. Joa says:

            I have to admit, that I am watching this conversation with surprise. I’ve seen threads, like this, before. It seems to me amazing and unbelievable, that so many people from here watch… the same series.


            It’s surprising and strange to me. Rarely does one of my friends watch the same series. Rather, we recommend what someone else has not seen – if it made a big impression.

            Hundreds of series/movies are produced in the world (now), of which I am able to watch one – in a given time period (the series must end, I hate waiting for the next season – the “contagion” becomes blunt and may not happen again – and I like to be strongly identified with what I watch – literally “to be” in this movie world).

            I like watching various world productions – you can get to know the culture, customs, music and temperament of a given community/country. I also like to listen to the native language of the actors, so I prefer movies with subtitles. I even hate dubbing – as if it destroys the essence, what is most important.


            My guess is that this “series community” is “thanks” to Netflix. Ah, how dangerous is such a monopolist – who imposes his content and creates the “world”…

          4. Anna says:


            Not really
            It is an AI algorithm.
            Sometimes however it does make mistakes.
            It predicts what we like and programs a pattern

            My guess is most people on this blog are indeed similar and the algorithm is excellent at predicting what we like to watch.

            I spent many hours with Chat GPT. It is an amazing creation

        2. Rebecca says:


          I only watched the first season of YOU, in general it was a good series, some of it I thought was a bit unrealistic, but it was entertaining. I watched a few of the episodes of Season 2, but found myself getting angry with the main character and couldn’t watch it .

          1. A Victor says:

            Hi Rebecca, I agree with your assessment except that I found season 2 boring so only watched a bit of it. I did hear season 3 picked up again but haven’t had time or desire to try it again. Season one was pretty good, if a little far-fetched at times. And then I wondered if it was far-fetched, given what I’ve learned about narcissism.

          2. TBS says:

            It is meant to be far fetched .. the term is, “suspension of disbelief” ..

            I say, season 1 of “You” was extremely well done and really entertaining. 📚

          3. A Victor says:

            Because someone sees something differently than I do, does not mean it’s an insult to me personally, unless I choose to take it as such.

            Thank you for schooling me on the correct terminology, Heaven knows I’d fucking hate to get that wrong.

          4. Rebecca says:


            If I’m remembering correctly, I didn’t know HG’s work, before I watched Season 1 of YOU. I found HG’s work in Fall of 2021. I haven’t had interest in looking at the new seasons, or trying to watch the previous season 2. I couldn’t watch it for the same reason I can’t watch movies like HOSTEL, I get angry watching it and it’s not enjoyable for me to get that angry and worked up. I didn’t like the cage the character used in Season 1, reminded me too much of my mother locking me in the closet. I just didn’t like the main character much. I can say one thing about the series, it wasn’t a cookie cutter series, it was different and entertaining, eventhough it was a bit unrealistic at times. Xx
            I’d be interested in knowing what HG thinks of it, but so far he hasn’t seen it. (HG??)xx

          5. A Victor says:

            Hi Rebecca, I completely understand the show being difficult for you to watch. It hits close to home. I did know HG’s with before I watched it, that was the reason I watched it actually as it is not a genre I care for typically. But others here had talked about it so I watched for the learning. It didn’t bother me with regard to narcs from my life but I’ve been away from my ex for a very long time and others have only played minor or short term roles since. I think it is wise of you to be careful and know your limits.

            I would wonder what HG thought also but I wouldn’t ask him to watch it as I’m afraid it would be subjecting him to only a step over Sandra Oh if he did so. I did not find the acting outstanding in other words, but the story line the first season was okay, if predictable.

            Thanks for the chat Rebecca, always a delight.

          6. Rebecca says:

            @ AV,

            I’m sorry, I didn’t get notice of your reply, I just happened upon it. Xx Thanks for replying, I enjoy chats with you too. Xx
            Yes, I’m very careful what I watch, as I have triggers and it’s not enjoyable for me to relive some memories. It’s kinda a pain in the ass in fact, for me to have triggers. I’ll be watching something like, Netflix’s Tudors Series with Jonathan R Meyers? MYERS? His name escapes me…anyway, excuse me, my brain wifi went out and it’s stalling currently 😂 Anyway, there are some scenes I can’t watch and it’s annoying to me.

            I do enjoy psychological thrillers and shows based on real life killers, autopsies and the like, the morbid stuff to some, but I find it interesting and I enjoy learning about strange things. 😂 I even enjoy walking through cemeteries and taking pics of the monuments with the trees and animals surrounding them. My Facebook has one of those pics , i took myself, as my cover photo. I think you mentioned once, you enjoyed cemeteries too. Sorry, I remember things people tell me, MLSOMATIC husband calls me the walking voice recorder because I have a very good ability of conversation recall….providing I’m not dealing with a head cold. 😂

          7. A Victor says:

            Haha Rebecca, that was funny, your brain wifi went out!

            It did sound like tigers would be a pain. I can’t think of any I have but there are some things I won’t watch, years ago there was a horror show that even the ads for it were too much. That was probably my wrist response to anything. Most stuff is just a show.

            I enjoy psychological thrillers and shows based on real life killers, autopsies etc too! I also like action flicks, probably even more. Yes, that whole cemetery conversation! You do have a good memory, you and Joa have both surprised me with stuff you remember! Don’t apologize for that, it’s great to have such good recall!! I’m envious! Hope all is going well. I may not respond her anymore as it is such a pain to get to it. If elsewhere, hopefully you will find it. Take care Rebecca! 💕

          8. A Victor says:

            Oops, triggers** would be a pain, not tigers!! And my worst* response…

  29. Anna says:

    Dear HG

    1- Why are you so obsessed with Meghan Markel?

    Your work is excellent and I love your work. Especially the audio videos.

    Yet I see a vast majority is about her.

    To be fair everyone seems obsessed. Why?

    I understand not, why is there this obsession?

    1. Alexissmith2016 says:

      He is not obsessed with her at all Anna, and in fact find her rather dull, as do I. But many people are fascinated and it helps them gain an understanding of all things N, which I Accept, although wish it was different. Oddly, whilst I’m not in to politics per se, I find the videos about politicians the most interesting.

      Have you watched ‘Tetras’? Absolutely Fascinating! Provides much insight into greater narcs, although the protagonist is painted as some sort of superhero, when he’s most definitely an N.

      HG, I would love to learn more about this with your insight.

      1. Another Cat says:

        Very reluctantly, kicking and screaming, although I find Harry wife as odious as HG does,

        I admit that there are some HG videos about her which I have learnt from as well. About narcissists in general, about empaths, and also about celebrities around HW.

        1. A Victor says:

          Haha, same! I don’t listen to many of the HW’s ones but I have learned from some also. Kicking and screaming….

          1. WhoCares says:

            Apart from the learning
            and hilarity built into the HW content – and any obsession associated with it – I often wonder if HG’s content on Harry has drew more male viewers/consumers of his work? Do male victims of narcissistic abuse identify with Harry’s experience? Does it cause them to email HG and book a consultation due to any identification with what Harry is enduring? (Or do they want to go hide under a rock or look away in denial because of so many pointing fingers at Harry saying that he brought it all in himself and has allowed himself to be fully emasculated by HW?)

          2. HG Tudor says:

            It does draw more male viewers, you are correct.

          3. WhoCares says:

            I am really glad to hear that.

          4. Allison C. says:

            I really enjoy the beige bot maulings. Though hilarious they’re not fluff, and I glean lots of good logic in between laughs. They were my gateway drug, but then I found no one else produces such a great and varied channel. Sometimes I get quite raw from HG’s other material–my emotional thinking gets a good thrashing. So, it’s a treat to have a serving of chopped HW with a side of Pink Pancakes, then back to HG clawing at my soul. Nice balance. Pleasure and pain.

      2. Anna says:

        I find the whole set of videos on Meghan really dull. The only good thing to listen to is HG’s voice. Boring. I might give it a go if I get a bad case of insomnia…

    2. Joa says:

      Obsession – belongs to the recipients.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Good call.

      2. Anna says:

        Yes indeed. HG is just providing a service to what is popular at the moment.

    3. annaamel says:


      There is an audience who cannot get enough critical content about MM. HG caters to this voracious appetite by curating his material to give them lots of what they want. They are as loyal and devoted a readership as the one here – and they certainly access more of his videos overall than empaths or readers who are only interested in narcissism. On a monetised channel, remuneration is based on views.

      Why is there an audience obsessed with her? I think there are a few reasons. But the obsession is definitely maintained and heightened by the focus on her by segments of the media. She’s very profitable for a large contingent of media creators and maintaining a portion of the population’s dislike of her is important to secure ongoing engagement.

      I don’t believe HG is obsessed with her. He might think about her like someone working in advertising thinks about products they are trying to promote. They’re connected to those products because they are required to invest time and energy and consideration into preparing campaigns. Not only is that beneficial for their clients but that is their professional remit. But it’s ultimately a job. Past that investment, they’re probably not very connected.

      He may find making that content gives him opportunities for creativity or humour or venting small frustrations that other avenues don’t provide.

      But I’d say he puts his pants on of a morning and tackles the jobs to be done.

      1. Anna says:

        Indeed. There is a demand for it. Who can blame HG for that?
        I find it tedious myself, but that is just my opinion.

        1. annaamel says:

          I said he’s not obsessed. I didn’t say he’s blameless. He can be judged by his decisions, like anyone.

      2. Witch says:

        I think people are interested her because
        a) she’s a female narcissist and male narcissists tend to be more obvious. It’s easier for female narcs to leverage their femininity and present themselves as helpless and in need of saving

        B) she could have started a whole race war here in the UK with her allegations especially in the current climate which brings me to the next point

        C) she tries to exploit the current issues around being “woke” concerning racism, sexism etc from her ivory tower, which rubs people the wrong way

        d) she presents herself as holier than thou while behaving as any other narcissistic celebrity, such as buying a mansion with 16 bathrooms and demanding that we the British people pay for her security when she’s in the UK, when she has chosen to forfeit that right and live as an American celebrity. Everyone is focusing on the kings coronation during the cost of living crisis but her sympathisers have over looked that she wants our hard earned coins too during a cost of living crisis while not serving us

        E) a lot of people are frustrated that her sympathisers can not see that there is something wrong with her even when she lies. She straight up LIED and said the British media called her children the N word and yet the rest of us are “nasty” “vicious” people for pointing that out.

        F) she reminds people of a female midrange narc they have dealt with. She actually reminds me of this woman at work. First time she met me, she gave me an evil death stare and then started trying to pin the blame on me for things that happened that wasn’t anything to do with me and was out of my control. I complained about her and she was spoken to and didn’t come for me like that again. But she’s similar to Meghan she pretends to care about people but it’s really about her trying to control their decisions.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Well stated, Witch.

        2. Anna says:

          Oh how the guilty blame the victim…

          Nothing like a bit of gaslighting right?


          I just see brainwashing. See how the herder herds the sheep?

          1. Witch says:

            @ anna
            Who’s the guilty and who’s the victim?

          2. Anna says:


            That depends on the perception of the observer.

            Truth is sometimes relative

            Narcissists are great manipulators, they can make themselves out to be the victim, and the victim out to be the guilty one. Frightening indeed.

            Thanks to HG’s work my eyes have opened and I am able to see the cold hard truth about some things in my life.

            Looking forward to his new work on psychopathy/sociopathy.

        3. Curious says:

          She lied about a number of things. We Brits understand more about how the RF works so know she’s lying or, more generously, is mistaken. But it’s quite shocking to me how many Americans in the N groups believe she’s been scapegoated and is doing a good thing by highlighting the racism & dysfunction in that institution. What’s all that about?

    4. Bubbles says:

      Dear Anna,
      They caused quite a stir in the beginning, however, they managed to turn themselves into a rather ridiculous sitcom com aided by the extensive help of media coverage !
      Mr Tudor covers their narcissism to perfection in his teaching and what we’ve gained in learning is enormous and extremely beneficial. His humour alone is worth the listen hehe
      I’m literally sick to death of H and his wife and find them both a huge embarrassment, but there’s still this morbid fascination to stay tuned to witness their downfall at some stage. Gosh I sure hope it’s soon haha
      Unfortunately “narcs are the gift that just keep giving” and in this instance it just happens to be this pathetically painful plotting pair !

      1. Anna says:

        How the sheep to follow
        How the lemmings jump
        How the weak cannot think for themselves but require someone strong to think for them

        Sad really

        Think outside the box

  30. TBS says:

    Less than 5 minutes into “Villain” and I just fuckin’ want to hear more Eastenders fuckin’ Big Willy Stylie -v- fuckin’ Harry of the Pink Pancakes. What do you fuckin’ reckon, HG? 🤔

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Everybody loves some of that.

    2. Duchessbea says:

      Wow, someone needs to wash their mouth out with soap and water.

      1. TBS says:

        .. What? I’m a fuckin” angel .. 🙄

  31. Anna says:

    Dear HG

    1- Have you ever worn high heels?
    2- Have you ever worn women’s clothes?
    3- Have you ever worn women’s underwear?
    4- If you have not, have you ever been tempted to try it out?
    5- Ever tried a butt plug?

    1. Joa says:

      I persevered, with raised eyebrows, to question 4. At question 5 I burst out laughing 🙂

      The meanders of human curiosity are amazing 🙂

      My curiosity runs deep, and sometimes very deep, into places where I know it will benefit me (in self-development). But… it happens that sometimes even with a “light” conversation you can discover something interesting 🙂

      1. Anna says:


        They certainly are…
        Whatever floats your boat and all that.
        I really hoped HG would answer, but can completly understand why he would not.
        Way too personal
        I think I had one too many glasses of red wine when I posted that

        1. Joa says:

          Anna, relax, laughter is good for health 🙂

          How many far-reaching or senseless questions have I asked in my life 🙂

          Simply, in this case, the answer “yes” or “no” does not have much cognitive meaning. In fact, I don’t really care if HG… no, no, I won’t repeat it point 5, because I’ll burst out laughing again, ha ha ha 🙂

          Maybe that’s why I reacted the way I did. But I really like to laugh – at myself too 🙂 Thank you 🙂


          At this point, I should quote a story from my childhood, related to gingerbread slices, which partly correlates with point 5, and which my sister brazenly reminds (with truly narcissistic zeal!) at family celebrations to this day and in front of our children, laughing at me – but in this group of people I am ashamed, ha ha ha 🙂

          1. Anna says:

            @Joa. Laughter is indeed great. I laugh alot. I can also laugh about myself as well.
            I am still interested and live in hope that HG may answer.

        2. Jordyguin says:

          Hahahah Banana, I knew something wasn’t right. I’ve never tried alcohol in my life (don’t like the smell of it even), so it never crosses my mind of the firewater having its influence in some interesting responses or questions. Another funny criteria to consider, when reading online…it just got to me frankly..I live on the moon..
          I found answers to that sort of questions you asked, to be in the Sex and the Narcissist book..quite personal stuff in there..
          btw, check the Let´s All Laugh At The Sugars videos – the obsessed question/answer is in there, in almost every video👻😘😘

          1. Anna says:


            I love how you call me Banana 💕
            Thanks for the video references, I will check them out.

      2. Contagious says:

        Welll it is said narcs change like chameleons to get the fuel lol I just don’t see a feminine side in HG. Soooo masculine. Then again… Jenner was once too.

        1. Duchessbea says:

          Ooooh Contagious, you are threading on dangerously thin ice with a comment like that. But, I do see where you are coming from, and I agree, although, not about the great man himself.

        2. Anna says:

          @Contagious ah I see. Sooo masculine. Yes I understand

          I myself am pansexual. I actually find it a huge turn on. Men, especially masculine ones in high heels and silky underwear. Ok I stop now. 😝

          1. TBS says:

            A modern rendition of Shakespeare’s, “The Taming of the Shrew”, with Rufus Sewell & Shirley Henderson is a very interesting adaptation, and very, VERY sexy. 👠 Can’t take my eyes off of anything “Rufus” since.

          2. Another Cat says:

            I have only seen Rufus as that detective Aurelio Zen, but he really is attractive!

          3. KitKat says:

            “It’s you!”
            “I’m afraid so Anna, but isn’t it NICE”
            Between David Bowie’s tights In Labyrinth, and Tim Curry’s everything in Rocky Horror, we didn’t stand a damn chance, did we Anna.
            Shiver with antici—pation.

            Both Brits, by the way HG 😉

          4. KitKat says:

            Now for the interesting intellectual stuff.

            It’s common for the men who enjoy it to be especially masculine, as well as heterosexual in their preference.
            Usually beginning in childhood (as most of our, eh-hem, ‘tastes’ do), many things can trigger it.
            An escape from the pressures that come with being expected to be ‘manly’ as a male child.
            Often they will notice their female siblings not being treated as harshly in an emotional and/or physical sense, and dressing up brings about relief, calm, and fantasies of being a different person.
            Then because they are attracted to females, wearing the garments co-mingles with arousal.
            It’s also thought to be linked to their mother being the first female they see in those garments, but I’ll leave that to Freud’s imagination.

            That’s just one way, there are a ton of other paths that can lead to this particular interest in masculine men.

            As for the women who are attracted to it, that’s easy: It’s less threatening, and yet the juxtaposition enhances the physical male aspects that we adore.

            Yes, I love psychology, and yes, I love researching all sorts of topics, and yes, I love opportunities to yap to audiences who have no choice but to listen 🤪

            That’s just what I’ve found during my research; I know it’s a controversial and sensitive topic.

          5. KitKat says:

            Sorry, just one more funny story:
            My interest was piqued because my friend was dating a guy who liked this, and she said it’s not fun because he stretches out all her underwear 😹
            (It was an actual friend, not a ‘friend’)

          6. Joa says:

            Once upon a time, before N1, I was on vacation in the mountains with my friends. One day we met great people from the other end of our country. I spotted HIM right away. We agreed to have a bonfire together in the evening. I knew, I had to pull him aside and he had to be “mine”. He followed at me, on any pretext. The voices of our friends faded away, only very soft music could be heard in the distance. Perfect scenery. The dark outlines of mountains and trees, the starry sky, the chirping of cicadas and the hoot of an owls. We were sitting on a fallen tree trunk. Yes, it was obvious, that we would kiss. I dragged this moment in time, minute by minute, so that the desire would slowly increase, the atmosphere thicken, emotions accumulated and I contemplated this, what would inevitably happen.

            This was the beginning of my first “serious” love, which lasted for 7 months (earlier ones could only be measured in terms of weeks or days… oops).

            At that time, I was a minor and sexually inexperienced (however, I had extensive theoretical knowledge and a very good knowledge of my own body). He was even more underage (always younger men… that’s my “curse”) and also sexually inexperienced (+ no theoretical knowledge).

            After 6 months of writing fervent love letters, commuting several hundred miles, stealth kisses and making out – the circumstances and the place were right, when he tried to “push” harder about sex. I “swim” in that direction for a while, though I wasn’t entirely convinced (he was pushing too hard and stressed too much). He undressed quickly (too quickly) and took out a condom. He tore open the package, took out the contents and… inflated it like a balloon.


            3 seconds of disbelief and my consternation. Then, I burst into crazy and uncontrollable laughter 🙂 Sex between us was no longer possible. Further relations were just a withering flower 🙂

            My god, what have I done to that boy… 🙁 I hope his sex life didn’t suffer because of my laughter, but the situation was ridiculously comical and laughter burst out of my lungs in a spontaneous cascade 🙂


            If any man, stood in front of me dressed in women’s clothes or with a plug in his butt, like a cork in a bottle, thinking that it might turn me on… I would not be able to keep a straight face 🙂 This embarrassing story would repeat itself 🙂


            He called 9 years later. When I was already 8 years in a relationship with N1. He called on Christmas Eve. I sensed a crisis and great loneliness. I was in a great mood and radiated confidence. And I was in a steady relationship (although it was already on the decline). So I turned him down a third time.

            Yes, third. I don’t like to think about, how I pushed him away the second time. That was the cruel of me. It’s insulting to a man’s pride.

            Yes, I have remorse. For laughing and for bluntly turning him down twice.

            I think he’s dead now…


            I still have his love letters to me. All in green envelopes. I still have a photo of him, when he was a 5-year-old sweet boy with a bulging belly, chubby cheeks, straight cut bangs and hair lovingly combed by his mom (she raised him and his brother alone). I still have pictures of him, from when we were together. Rebellious teenagers…. Black and white, large format. Photos taken by a professional photographer, who “spotted” him on the street and asked him to pose for him. One of the photos torn by me in anger, and then glued together from fragments. With a cigarette in his mouth like James Dean. And it the best picture – he exhales smoke from his mouth, a scar just above his mouth, he looks sideways, at an angle, a captivating, predatory-uncertain gaze.


            Many times I thought (even being in an 11-year relationship with N1), that one day I would be punished for how I treated him. And not just him, but everyone I’ve “seduced” and bluntly rejected (sudden, quick cut – I always do it that way).

            And that’s how it happened. The punishment came in the form of N2, who was faster than me 🙂
            So very similar. A scar over the mouth. Figure. Identical gaze…

            Although this is not the end of the story with N2… The third season will outline life.
            And maybe not? 🙂


            I grateful for everything life has brought me and I am grateful for everyone, who stood SO CLOSE to me 🙂

    2. Rebecca says:


      You got some huge pink pancakes. 😂 I wouldn’t think to ask those questions, I like to wake up in the mornings. 😂 😂

      1. Anna says:

        @ Rebecca. My personality disorder can cause me to be extremely direct and sometimes even brazen. I often have to bite my tongue.

        1. KitKat says:

          May I ask which personality disorder you are speaking of?
          Don’t answer if you aren’t comfortable.

          1. Anna says:

            I have been diagnosed with some disorders. One of which is a cluster B personality disorder, but not NPD.

        2. Rebecca says:

          I’m sorry Anna, I didn’t intend for my comment to be hurtful. Xx I meant no offense. I think your questions were brave and made me giggle to read them xx

          1. Anna says:

            Don’t worry Rebecca. Your comment was not hurtful at all in any way. I am the one who has the devil on their tongue! 😂😈😂 Was just explaining why my comments can sometimes be so brazen.

  32. Black Phoenix says:

    If after a hiatus of 6 from the failed hoover the UMR has (many clues) deleted an ex IPSS number from the phone, does it means the risk of a Blast from the past hoover is low/very low?

  33. Candied Pansy says:

    Hello HG, I have a few questions about Steven Crowder. Thank you for your time.

    (1) Have you covered him in a video or article? I can’t find him on your youtube or website.

    (2) Is he a narcissist? I just saw footage of him condescending to his pregnant then-wife, including telling her to “watch it” like she’s a disobedient dog he’s about to smack. Some people say it’s emotional abuse. Here’s a link to footage of it. IMO he’s seeing threats to control and asserting control over her. I’d like to know if I’m wrong. I’m biased against how he speaks to her. h

    (3) If you haven’t covered him, would you do so? (3.5) Could there be a point about “free speech for the narc but not for their IPPS”?

    Not exclusive to Crowder, but I’ve been watching your videos on conspiracies, free speech is harmful, the woke ones, and Fahrenheit 451. I know those don’t get as many views, but thank you for doing them anyway. This segues to question 4.

    (4) If words aren’t abuse, then is verbal abuse by narcissists not abuse, for example belittlement, insult, provocation, etc.? Of course I believe in free speech. People say things I find repugnant, but I still believe they should have the right to do so. However, if most of us over 30 years old agree that someone having an opinion you dislike and saying things you find mean isn’t abuse, how can we say we’re being abused when a narc berates us for hours on end, if it’s not physical?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. No.
      2. Use Know the Narcissist from the Knowledge Vault.
      3. See 2.
      4. Words are used to abuse.

  34. Susan says:

    I saw on here the other day that you were in NYC. *waving hello from upstate* Are you still there?

    If so, I’ve been seeing ads on CBS about James Corden’s big-farewell prime-time special (after eight years hosting the Late Late Show, even though Craig Ferguson was such a better interviewer & MUCH funnier & hosted for TEN years!) at 10 p.m. tonight (Thursday). Do you plan to watch it so you can make another video ‘celebrating’ his narcissism? (Pretty please?)

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I have no intention of watching his programme, but there is already a new video about the arsehole.

      1. Sweetest Perfection says:

        I watched his carpool karaoke with Bad Bunny and personally, I felt my contempt divided.

      2. Susan says:

        Newer than ‘Obnoxious’ from April 11?! I JUST watched it yesterday en route to looking for your conspiracy-theory playlist & saw several on the Cordenarsehole I can’t believe I had missed, so I got caught up in THAT playlist until it was time to watch Jeopardy on CBS and it was bad enough that Cordenarsehole had that 10 p.m. special farewell episode AND a regular episode–his LAST!–in it’s usual time slot, but as soon as my local CBS station went over to their national prime-time lineup, which I stayed tuned in for to watch ‘Ghosts’ at 8:30 p.m. … they actually had him take over introducing every show in the prime-time lineup and, of course, promoting BOTH his shows last night!!! Ack! I had to turn the TV OF at 9 when he ‘rematerialized’ to haunt CBS viewers ALL NIGHT!!!

        I can’t stop wondering why CBS gave HIM such a massive, bloated, heavily (ahem) advertised send-off celebration when they barely acknowledged the departure of Craig Ferguson, who hosted the Late Late Show two years longer than Cordenarsehole, wrote & sang the show’s catchy opening theme song, was MUCH funnier, ad-libbing his hilarious opening monologues every night (INCLUDING, as I recall, Fridays, which Corenarsehole never did, & did really fascinating interviews with guests he’d never met before without ever looking at the cards the staff provided him suggesting things he might ask each guest–he didn’t need to know anything in advance about ANYONE to engage someone in conversation–EXCEPT Harry’s Wife flirting with him vacuously, having nothing to say but a few lame attempts at humor while HIS questions & jokes went COMPLETELY over her head, &, if I remember right, she made it even WORSE by invading his personal space, leaning over to touch him on the leg, which he usually sat in his swivel chair facing them & because he’s pretty tall his desk & sat with his legs crossed so his knee would be visible above the top of his desk, and, when he said he liked her dress–a not uncommon icebreaker he used–to which she replied coyly that she wore the tight piece of fabric wrapped around her midsection that was ALMOST a dress ‘just for you’🤢, & he could hardly get her to tell him anything about ‘Suits,’ resulting in probably the shortest, most awkward interview attempt he ever did, & I RARELY missed an episode!). As well as HIS long-time predecessor, Craig Kilborn, AND, to my knowledge, long-time host Tom Snyder before THAT when THEY left the show. And all of them were MUCH more likable than Cordenarsehole!!!

        Sorry for the long comment, but I had to vent among people who also see Cordenarsehole for what he is–and find your videos about him funny & cathartic (as long as we don’t bust a gut watching your roast of him for the 2nd or 3rd time)!

        Thank you for answering, HG! I’m glad you didn’t torture yourself watching the inexplicable all-night coverage of Cordenarsehole’s neverending departure! I’m so relieved he’s finally gone! (Did Ricky Gervais actually watch the show, or did someone ELSE tip him off about the ‘gagpie’ stealing his joke word for word?)

        I can’t wait to get to the conspiracy-theory/wokeism playlist!

  35. Dani says:


    “…but for me to say that I approve of her abuse, even so that I can benefit, no, I cannot do so.”


    I’ve been considering that since I first found Mr. Tudor’s YouTube channel, how I get to find help here, but that the help comes/came at a cost to others. I try not to think about it, too.

    1. A Victor says:

      Hi Dani,
      It has helped me a tiny bit, with other narcs also, to remember that they became this way because of abuses done to them. But only a tiny bit since many who are abused do not go on to abuse others themselves.

      1. Dani says:

        I remind myself of that, too. And that many don’t know what they’re doing/think they’re doing/saying what’s right. Hearing Mr. Tudor say that was particularly comforting and validating to me.
        Hope all is well in your world.

        1. A Victor says:

          Hi Dani, I agree, comforting and validating. It also gives us an understanding about what’s happening that the narc doesn’t even understand. It has helped me tremendously with my mother. I used to tell myself “It’s just her being a narcissist.”. Not over stepped out up to preparing ahead that “She will be being a narcissist.” throughout every interaction. It helps a ton to not get stressed at the idea of interacting, seeing it happen in real time helps with my responses and thinking this way helps me let it go over the interaction is done. I love that I have secret knowledge about what’s really happening that she does not have. It gives me a sense of power when I have to interact with her. Being in ANC helps a lot too. Also, I am prepared for the day that I need to point and do a slow laugh…:)

          Things are great here, thanks! I hope in your world also! Thanks for all the great questions to HG lately, it’s been fun to read them and his responses.

          1. A Victor says:

            Good grief, that was supposed to say “Now I’ve stepped it up to preparing ahead…”. Autocorrect 😡

          2. Dani says:


            I’m glad you’ve been enjoying the questions, and Mr. Tudor’s answers. His answers are fascinating, and they always give me something to ponder over.

            You’ve been on Narcsite for a while…so I can see from the date stamp on some comments…and I have a question. I would love to read all other opinions on this as well.

            Are there ever any topics that I need to watch out for asking questions about because other frequent guests would get distressed by them? I’ve seen all kinds of comments with all kinds of content…but I don’t know if there is anything that ought to be avoided, owing to the variety that I’ve seen.

            Regarding the ANC…what helped you take that step most?


          3. A Victor says:

            Hi Dani,

            As far as I’m concerned, nothing is off limits, nothing would distress me personally, I’ve seen it all here already. And if something bothers me, I just avoid that discussion. There are some bloggers I seek out also, if I see they’ve commented, and others I do not, but that’s about it. I can’t speak for others of course, but your concern for the bloggers is nice.

            The Parental Narcissist helped me with ANC. I had not heard much about it prior to that and upon hearing it, it made so much sense, I began immediately. It has been amazing, I highly recommend that package for anyone who can’t go total NC for some reason.

        2. Isabelle says:

          Hello Dani,

          You asked: “Are there ever any topics that I need to watch out for asking questions about because other frequent guests would get distressed by them?”

          This is very thoughtful of you, but I don’t think you should stop yourself asking anything at all. We are most of us truth seekers here (and a unique one among us – hello Truthseeker, or ‘TS’!), and I would say that we are not of the ‘snowflake’ kind, haha. In fact, it seems to me that what you are asking is: “Do I need to walk on eggshells here?”
          Reminds you of anything? Been around narcissists lately? (Imagine me smiling warmly as I ask these questions.)

          On a personal note, even if a reader’s question contains something that could be distressing to me, depending on my mood then or because it would echo an experience I have not processed well yet, it will make me realise that I still need to work on that particular aspect and in the end it will in fact be beneficial to me. I’ll thank the person who posted that ‘distressing’ (for me) comment, at least in thoughts if not in deeds.

          I will give you an example, justt o illustrate: I heard a person in a group one day say that she didn’t give a sh*t about the psychological trauma of soldiers when they came back from wars, because they shouldn’t have fought in the first place/they should expect to be traumatised because that’s what fighting in wars does to most soldiers. This comment distressed me, first because of its lack of empathy, but also because my father had just died (which the girl didn’t know) and I had always seen him in a state of PTSD, and he drank. He had fought in a war when very young and it had destroyed him. He spoke about the horrors of that war every evening at the dinner table. It impacted us children a lot, we were simply not equipped to hear such distressing horrors, or to witness our father’s state of utter distress. So what that girl said was very distressing to me then. She saw that and she apologised, but I told her she simply couldn’t know. It made me realise what I myself did not suspect then, that I still hadn’t learnt to live with a trauma that didn’t belong to me, and I thank this girl in a way because she unwittingly gave me an opportunity to move forward.
          Which I am doing, at my own (slow) pace, haha.

          We can never ever know what impact what we say and what we write about will have on others, because we are not in their heads. The only way to avoid distressing anyone (potentially) would be to stop writing, sharing, and in real life to stop speaking to people. Not exactly in our makeup, is it? And that’s a good thing, because otherwise it would defeat the purpose of being human and bonding with others. I believe that it is up to the adult person who is distressed to deal with their feelings. The latter are their responsibility. Otherwise, censorship is at the end of the tunnel, with all the dictatorial potential this carries.
          Sorry if I got carried away there, but it is a topic that I feel strongly about.
          Great question, Dani, and please do ask what you want to ask in your questions!

          1. Dani says:

            Hello Isabelle

            “Reminds you of anything? Been around narcissists lately?”
            Well…now that you mention it…

            “I thank this girl in a way because she unwittingly gave me an opportunity to move forward.” — I’m glad to hear that you’re moving forward. And not everyone moves at the same pace, nor do they need to in regards to their experiences.

            “Otherwise, censorship is at the end of the tunnel, with all the dictatorial potential this carries. Sorry if I got carried away there, but it is a topic that I feel strongly about.”

            It’s an excellent topic to feel strongly about. Especially seeing the state of censorship going on in certain places. I’m really glad that Mr. Tudor is making such superlative content calling that out. It’s absolutely ridiculous. I feel the same as you about that topic from the sound of it.

            I will keep asking questions…even if I don’t always immediately know what to make of Mr. Tudor’s answers. I can take time to think about them. That’s the great thing about Mr. Tudor’s blog, there’s so much to read and learn. Mr. Tudor is so good to us.

    2. Joa says:

      That’s one of the reasons, I’m not interested in movies about Meghan Markle, whoever she is. She is a human, not a robot, not a monkey, not a pelican, not a doll – and other pictures typical of childhood age – on the principle of “draw someone a mustache in a school textbook”.

      Unfortunately, most people easily succumb to their inner narcissist and love the rhythm of the witch hunt. Thus, convincing himself, that he/she is someone better and more intelligent. And the more such a person seems to himself “good”, “better”, the more fierce he/she is in the witch-hunt and the more pleasure he/she finds in it. It’s such a simple manipulation, that it’s embarrassing to fall into it.

      In real life, I’ve fallen into in many times, but I leave quite quickly and say STOP.

      I also realize, how easy it is to manipulate public opinion. Today’s antihero may one day become a hero or a saint. And the same people, who flowed with venom, will arrange paeans.

      For the life of an individual – human opinion is irrelevant. You and others can control it freely. It is best to reject – as much as possible (we are not hermits).

      The most important thing is what you think about yourself. This will radiate outward from you and will be unquestionable.


      And of course – every Narcissus enjoys interest and attention 🙂 Want it? Keep giving it, to her.

      1. A Victor says:

        Hi Joa, I’m with you, what’s the big attraction to MM? None, for me. But she had been a useful teaching tool for a lot of people. And it makes me appreciate even more the videos HG does that are about other things.

        1. Joa says:

          Human as a tool – sounds terrible.

          But yes, she has become a tool here – to attract attention.

          Or teaching? I don’t know. I only watched 3 movies at the beginning of the series. Just to confirm my feelings.

          It threw me off by a mile. It’s outside my area.

          I can study very well without such a “tool”.

          1. A Victor says:

            That is a great point Joa, maybe that’s why I dislike them.

        2. Dani says:

          Mr. Tudor’s videos are the only content that should be accessed when it concerns HW, and there’s loads of content that isn’t about her on his channel. I found Mr. Tudor’s content through that series, and it’s clear from number of views that many people enjoy watching the train crash.

          @Joa — I agree. As long as the world keeps clicking on those articles and generating ad revenue for publications running stories about her fashion choices of years past (and all the other fatuous stories), she will remain.

          @AV — Definitely agree about appreciating the videos Mr. Tudor makes about other topics, the narcissism in general videos AND the other people he puts under the Tudor Scope. So many interesting things to choose from.

        3. Contagious says:

          Victor, I stopped being interested when she whined about her life as a rich princess. She is so out of touch with reality. Harry too.

      2. annaamel says:

        ‘Unfortunately, most people easily succumb to their inner narcissist and love the rhythm of the witch hunt. Thus, convincing himself, that he/she is someone better and more intelligent. And the more such a person seems to himself “good”, “better”, the more fierce he/she is in the witch-hunt and the more pleasure he/she finds in it.’

        Well said Joa.

  36. Rebecca says:

    Dear HG,
    1. Which is your favorite project you’re working on?
    2. Do you have a favorite book you have written?
    3. Do you have a favorite article you’ve written and which one had the most intriguing discussions in your opinion?
    Thank you xx

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. I am not at liberty to share that.
      2. Yes.
      3. Yes, but it is not one you know of.

      1. Rebecca says:

        1. Hmm, not at liberty to say? Now you got me more curious. 😂 You’re killing me 😂 xx
        2. Yes, Ok, which one? 😂
        3. Oh, another subject altogether….possibly another blog…possible?
        Thanks for your replies xx

        1. Another Cat says:

          Rebecca, he has a dayjob which is not at all about narcissism, we heard. Hence his anonymity.

          1. Rebecca says:


            Of course I know about the day job…I have all 9 of the Knowing HG Series and I’m on the forum there. 🤪😂

            What I meant by “project” is relating to the HG Tudor projects, not personal time projects, but I should have been more specific in my question, my fault for not clarifying it. Xx

        2. Dani says:


          Of course, Mr. Tudor is not at liberty to discuss working to stop a villain from firing a missile into Earth’s core, thus making every volcano erupt simultaneously. He’s Tudor, H.G. Tudor. He’ll have his Martini shaken, not stirred. He will accomplish this mission dressed in a Tuxedo. He will depend upon his talent at tangoing, seduction skills, and poker playing prowess…

          1. Rebecca says:


            I have my ideas of what HG Tudor does for his day job. I come from a military family and I have a different perspective of what his job is and its much cooler than anything Bond does. 😂 xx

  37. In so many words says:

    HG, I just finished your series on conspiracy theories. I think your videos on the interaction between narcissism and politics (including your videos on wokeism) are brilliant and novel. As are your videos on narcissist among doctors, policemen, clergy and other professions. I believe there is an audience for them outside of those who are trying to understand narcissism in personal relationships, but are interested in politics, history and the news. Would you consider a podcast, a channel or a playlist with that focus?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Do you mean moving those to a separate channel or creating a separate playlist on the existing channel or establishing a separate channel that deals with those matters and more.

      1. In so many words says:

        HG, I meant a separate platform, ideally, a voice only podcast, or a youtube channel, with both existing and new videos on these subjects (while they also remain on this channel). A separate playlist on this channel, or several playlists such as on censorship, on political narcissists, on narcissists’ influence on popular culture, would be great, but I don’t think it will reach those audiences. It would be for those of us already on this channel who look forward to these videos, and have limited interest in Harry’s wife (although your analysis is so fascinating, I sometimes listen to those).

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you for your reply. It is a possibility but not an immediate one.

          1. Susan says:

            Oo, yes, please, HG! That would be AWESOME!!! I very often find myself watching news shows & wondering, ‘What would HG think/have to say about this?’

            I didn’t even know about the series on conspiracy theories! (Hey, that rhymes.) YouTube is falling down on the job with their recommendations. I’ll go find those forthwith!!! Thanks!👍👍👍👍👍👍

        2. Victorious says:

          I really like this idea, I think even the content on narcissism (not involving Harry’s wife) on a playlist or different platform would be nice as well, for people new to HG’s work.

  38. Georgiana says:

    Hi HG! Few questions:
    1. What is the maximum age threshold for narcissism to form? (provided both conditions are met.)
    2. If a narcissist has a low threshold on ignited fury, is it a cadence when this ignited fury is more prone to come to force in the form of physical abuse? Example: every 2-3 months- with “respite” consisting of only verbal violence in between.
    3. If a narcissist uses physical abuse towards one IPPS, will he also do it towards the replacement IPPS or is there a “preferred” category of victims more susceptible to receive the physical abuse treatment?

    Thank you for all your valuable work!! You are the only one who provides a clear and demonstrated explanation for the disconcerting behaviors the victims dealt with for years.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. Nine years old.
      2. No.
      3. Not necessarily, the propensity towards physical violence is dependent on numerous factors although sub-school is a governing factor. Any narcissist can be physically violence, some may never be, some are frequently.

      You are welcome.

      1. Heidi says:

        Whoa, I want to make sure I am reading this correctly:
        So by age 9, at the very latest, a person can develop into a narcissist? Which means that through those very young and tender years, the circumstances form to make them into a narcissist.
        If that is what I am reading, then by the time they reach adolescence, when I would be dealing with them as a teacher, there is no hope for them to change.
        Am I reading that correctly?

        1. Georgiana says:

          This is what I understand as well and HG pointed out several times to the age of nine- I was not sure if that was the median age and therefore it may be a maximum as well (i.e 12 y.o).
          I can tell you from my experience with my 9 1/2 years old daughter, that around this age I can observe very well the narcissistic dynamic (thanks to HG) with some of my daughter’s friends: sense of entitlement and the death stare being the ones who stand out most, followed by the shelving, lies, grandiosity, deflection, denial. Even the overshadowing of events is present (in the capacity they can at this age). Considering infidelity in a future relationship as adult as something normal and not to be blamed for.
          Those things became more prominent around this age of 9 – 9+ few months (again exactly how HG says).
          I have the opportunity to spot these traits very close in the person who is my daughter’s best friend (that girl is now 11). They have known each other for years and yes, these behaviors were not noticeable until around 9 (or people tend to put them under the umbrella of children tantrums/ lies etc.). And the mother of this said girl, I suspect her as being a narcissist as well.

          1. Heidi says:

            Hi Georgiana,
            That is so interesting about your child’s friend. It makes sense, because I noticed that in regards to my child being bullied at school, it started in 3rd grade. This would track with kids who have reached that level of narcissistic behaviors.
            Pondering all of this … the ramifications for my students now enter a new light that I had previously not contemplated.

        2. A Victor says:

          Hi Heidi,
          You are reading it correctly and what’s almost as sad is that it cannot be definitely diagnosed until they’re adults. Which leaves a decade gap, or more, before any treatment could be started. I don’t know if treatments have been tried on very young narcissists or if there would be any more success at that point than later. But it seems to me that it would be the time to try if there was any hope for success. Before the behaviors and thought patterns are deeply entrenched. But, maybe it wouldn’t make any difference anyway.

          1. Heidi says:

            Thanks, A Victor,
            This is unsettling.
            I think in “educator terms,” this would probably bear the label of “Emotional Behavior Disorder” in special education (which is what I teach). The EBD students cover a wide range of mental health disorders, such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, etc.
            I imagine this would manifest as a playground bully, a student who rifles through a teacher’s desk if she steps away for a moment, a student who disrupts for attention. We don’t label this as “narcissism” but recognize the anomaly and then pull in mental health professionals to work alongside us.
            I will look for some peer-reviewed research papers on this and see what, if anything, has been confirmed with data.
            Now have a new mission to keep me busy this summer before the next school year.

        3. Asp Emp says:

          Heidi, for more information, see I found that it helped me to understand and look at aspects to how I was formed by “conditioning”, in my view, the article could be from the perspective of a narcissist, narcissistic, or empath ‘formation’.

          1. Heidi says:

            Fantastic, thank you, Asp Emp.

    2. Duchessbea says:

      Great question.

  39. Black Phoenix says:

    I’d like to buy FUEL in paperback but with the new cover…!
    Why is not possible?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I am waiting on updated covers form my graphic designer to upload them so you can then purchase the new cover in paperback.

  40. In so many words says:

    HG, welcome to New York City! Cherry blossoms are in full bloom in the Brooklyn Botanical Garden. Are you planning to see anything on Broadway? The Thanksgiving Play’s skewering of wokeness is second only to yours.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you. It’s work not social.

  41. Black Phoenix says:

    Do you like women’s feet?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      When they’re behind their head.

      1. Rebecca says:

        😂 😂 Good one HG! And I plead the 5th! 😂

      2. KitKat says:

        Like, when they’re hogtied?

      3. KitKat says:

        I thought for sure you would reply ‘That too’ 😜

        1. Rebecca says:

          Time for me to hide the rope 😂

          1. KitKat says:

            You know, I’m not even sure that would reduce the imperilment.
            I have a feeling HG is a master at improvisation.

        2. Rebecca says:

          Ok, let me hide the duct tape, chains, glue, plastic sheeting, the shovels, the machetes, garden shears, chainsews….better yet, let me just lock up the whole supply of possible weapons and tools used to dispose of bodies and 😂 evidence. …Good? I know I’m forgetting something… I know, me, I gotta hide me 😂 xx Good luck hiding…..hide and seek games are fun….usually 😂

  42. Leigh says:

    Mr. Tudor,
    I see from Facebook and Instagram your in my neck of the woods! Welcome to NY!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Leigh.

    2. Rebecca says:

      @HG and Leigh,

      Not too far from me either! 😂 Welcome HG! Xx

    3. Sweetest Perfection says:

      He’s not in NY. He’s in Brookly. 😛

      1. Leigh says:

        LOL, SP! I did see that.

        The “Tudor” city pic was a dead giveaway though.

    4. Rebecca says:

      Hopefully no one went missing 😂 xx

      1. Leigh says:

        LOL! I’d be ok with certain someone from Trump towers going missing.

        Ooopsy! Maybe I shouldn’t say that.

        1. Rebecca says:

          😂 I was thinking the same thing! The same person came to my mind 😂 😂

  43. Black Phoenix says:

    How can be executed the Blast from the Past Malign Hoover?
    Did you ever did it?

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