Questioning Me
Do feel free to ask me anything you like. I am here for you to dip into my mind and for you to benefit from learning how I view the world. No question is off limits and if you want to establish a dialogue with me, then so much the better. You will be helping me so I can show the treatment team that I am interacting with people in this setting. You can ask me why I do certain things, what am I thinking, what my favourite food is, whatever you like. This is your chance to extract as much knowledge and information from me as you possibly can. If you want to just make a statement, go ahead. Fill your boots. I don’t know you so I won’t fly into a rage (this does happen when people I know question me but that is because they have an agenda – you don’t because we don’t know one another). I look forward to hearing from you.
3,015 thoughts on “Questioning Me”
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Dear HG,
1- Is your narcissism stronger than your psychopathy?
2- Do androids dream of electric sheep?
3- Have you met your baseline?
4- Would you say your talents are those of a savant?
1. No.
2. No.
3. Irrelevant.
4. I have been told that this is correct.
HG, I’d agree RE: you being a savant 🙂
Thanks for the reply HG
We are all looking forward to your new work on psychopathy and sociopathy.
It is very exciting 💕
ad. 4 It still depends who said it 🙂
Dear HG.
Will you create a line of apparel with Tudorite on it?
HG
1- Are you really human? Made of flesh and blood?
2- Are you you a form of Artificial intelligence?
I ask because your intellect is clearly remarkable and superior to that of a human being.
You know that of course, but sometimes I wonder is it true good to be true that you are made of flesh and blood.
And that’s how legends are made… 🙂
Well, as HG is fictive ( a pseudonym). It will indeed be a legend.
Much like Robin Hood is.
Are Gemma and Cristopher still togheter?
Does they have children?
My narcissist ex gf reached out to me to go to a parade together. Me and her ex gf spent the day in parade together and there are pictures of us all over social media since it’s a church we all attend. If my narcissist also female, ( who dumped me 4 months ago) sees a post of us together ( both her ex appliances) do I risk her rage and retaliation against me. I’m afraid of her negative retaliation and probing the hornets wrath.
What will her reaction be to seeing us together?
HG, do you have videos specifically for adults dealing with elderly parental narcissists? I belong to Working Daughter group, for women who deal with eldercare and other responsibilities, and it is heartbreaking how many women choose to take elderly parental narcissists into their home, after having escaped decades ago. Often there are other siblings who do nothing, and based on the consistent behavior described, are likely narcissists as well. I wish I could post a link to one of your videos that would start these women on the right track.
There is not a video which is specifically about adults dealing with elderly parental narcissists. There is material about parental narcissists generally and the assistance package “How to Handle a Parental Narcissist”.
Do you think you might make such a video? (I have the assistance package already.)
I do not have any immediate plans to do so.
ISMW, You have described my exact situation here. I didn’t know I was dealing with narcissists, moved in with my parents to help as my dad was ill and dying. No sibling help. I think it would not have happened had I known what my parents were/are. The assistance package that HG suggested has been enormously helpful to me. I have been practicing ANC successfully for a couple years and it is effective at helping me maintain my equilibrium. I recommend it to anyone in this situation.
As an aside, I have realized that, in my case, I and my sister, maybe also my brother, came out of our toxic upbringings very unprepared to deal with life, in many ways. I have learned some skills since being here, had to learn many on the job so to speak prior to arriving here. It has not been easy but it is doable. I am sharing this because it may be that many people, maybe women in particular, who are ACONs have this experience and so do as you have stated, move back in. Before arriving here, I wondered about a lot of things, now I have answers even if not all the solutions yet.
HI ISMW,
You may find this video helpful. I found it very helpful in understanding the impact my parents had on me.
https://narcsite.com/2021/03/04/the-impact-of-the-parental-narcissist/
The assistance package that Mr. Tudor suggests is incredibly helpful as well. I’ve listened to it several times. As it suggests, it gives you the tools on “How to Handle a Parental Narcissist.”
Dear HG, I’m jumping to this thread to ask you a random question. The New York Times has surprised me this morning with the extremely accurate cover of one of its weekend supplements that resembles a work board with thousands of sticky notes of things to do, such as: “review next week,” “review comps today,” “I would LOVE to see the final edits before we break for holiday,” or “team lunch Tuesday.” The title of the supplement is When Even Is a Workday Anymore?
I have been complaining lately that, after lockdown, it seems like the amount of useless meetings at work has escalated to ridiculous proportions, that we are meeting to discuss forthcoming meetings, that they expect us all to be answering emails regardless of the time of day or day of the week (I know in most countries in Europe this is illegal but not in the US). Recently, a toxic trend is being adopted in my institution, by which the Administration refers to your google calendar to check your schedule -to create more meetings-. A couple of persons have brought out to my attention that they can’t see my google calendar because I don’t have it public -DUH!-. I am sure this sort of pressure is the product of narcissists and their obsession with control, but I would like to dig deeper. Why do you think it has started to be so toxic right after we got out of the pandemic? Many of us -call us delusional and optimistic- believed we would learn to find a better work-health balance and it’s exactly the opposite.
I would appreciate any input you could have on this. And I would also like to invite anyone to this discussion as I know this is probably affecting many empaths.
This has always been a tool of control, it just stands out so much more with the retreat from working from home, people noticed it less pre-pandemic.
Yes you’re right. That and the fact that I didn’t know much about this some years ago, things have changed now that I see it from a different angle thanks to your work. There’s a time BT and AT!!!
Thank you, HG.
You are welcome.
SP, regarding the narcissists at work using organisational network calendars etc, and not always reminding staff to add new people, or check whether staff have access to the calendar is the same old method of control that has been in force since before the pandemic started. I suppose the home-working ‘system’ gave some people insight, and, possibly, some clarity into the various methods of control that narcissists at work used prior to home-working being used? Pity that there is no law regarding the timing of emails / contacting people outside contracted work hours. Sorry to read that you currently are not protected in that way (or even, at least, getting a break).
Thanks Asp Emp. I’m protected by tenure, which this person has not, so I can afford to ignore her ass. But it’s invasive anyway.
I suspected this person was a narcissist and I observed her pattern closely, following HG’s recommendation, because as an Empath I did have my intuition, but you need to see the repetition of a pattern. She is a MRN and I have already seen her bad side when I have refused to do as she wanted, but like I said, tenure gives me the opportunity to say ABCDE F…. I saw how in a question of two seconds she went from talking sweetly in an angelic voice to showing fury in her eyes and raising her voice to me because I refused to do what she wanted. It was pretty disturbing.
SP, thank you for sharing that you are protected by your contract. It pleased me to read that the MRN is not given the same protection as you 🙂 Yes, I had a line manager who ‘flicked’ that quickly, ‘The Cold Dead Stare’ springs to my mind 🙂
Yes Asp Emp, only that she’s not a psychopath she’s just a clingy vacuous narc. She shows fury in her otherwise sanctimonious eyes. The fact she is striving for tenure makes me relish because, guess who is in charge of granting tenure in my institution…
SP, oooh! That must be a massive (and continuous) threat to her control!! Brilliant! 🙂
SP, Narcissists do not care about what is legal, moral, they do not care about the personal culture and free time of the employee.
It will be like this until you rebel… and learn to lie well looking straight in the eye, although you are a truthful person 🙂
And sometimes you just have to say: “NO” and do your job – as best you can.
Today I respect my free time. I don’t get carried away even in emergency situations, if I think it’s a small scale or intentional act.
I used to have a big problem with this. I was at the beck and call of my boss and in addition I was wagging my tail with excitement.
True to that Joe. I’ve never really been like that, I value my time and the opportunity to study, to investigate, to think. Anyone that poses an obstacle to that is an invader to me. The main reason why I keep hooked on HG’s work is my intellectual growth. He makes me smarter. And my interaction with commenters also contributes to my improvement as a human being, my discovery of things unknown. I value people that add to my life, that enhance my understanding of life. On the other hand, I don’t want to waste my time with mediocre people that pose distractions to my intellectual pursuits through pathetic demonstrations of “control.” She’s just an annoying fruit fly.
Can the Blast from the Past hoover be a “fake” “joke”?
I mean… just a text made to see if the victim is still avaible without any serious intent to organize a meet etc. In order to extract easy and immediate fuel.
Yes.
When you engage in the Stepford devaluation, is it planned that way from the start of the golden period with that person, or based on how you feel when you switch to devaluing?
Is a narcissist who previously engaged in a Stepford devaluation more likely to engage in it again vs more common devaluation?
When you write “you”, do you mean me or narcissists generally?
You, for the first question. Sorry about the confusion
At the point of devaluation.
HG .. the first soundtrack at the start of your “Inside the Mind of a Narcissistic Psychopath” video is truly mesmerising.
It is in now a part of my being.
I have it on replay in my car’s sound system now for whenever I want to hear it. 🎼
Can a person become IPSS DLS just because the narcissist have rapidly understanded that he had never had a girlfriend (and sexual experiences) before and he desire this very much? So he is less valid as trophy etc.
They would be more likely to become the IPPS.
Not my case. Maybe a problem of residual benefits and character traits…
Probably I was just a great container of Fuel.
Can the “Blast From The Past hoover” be Malign?
If yes, is this rare or common?
It can be, but it is more likely to be benign.
Thank You!
Since you told us about Blast from the past-hoovers, HG, I have, quite frankly been a bit hesitant to continue my usual habit of contacting childhood friends sometimes even asked old exes how they are doing. People are polite but I’m not always sure how this is received.
I have been contacted by a nonnarc once, old schoolfriend, so that was no hoover, but she has told me she has ptsd, I think she is an empathic borderline, and she is very edgy. Easily suspicious. She has blocked and unfriended lots of ppl close to her.
Tl;dr: So far, it has not turned out well when ppl from my past contacted me. Whether narc or not.
AC
You are wise to exercise caution. There is a reason we have allowed some people to fade far back into the past. We just don’t always remember the reason.
AC, I have had the same thinking since learning of blasts from the past! I don’t want to do this to anyone!
Thank you, NA
I think part of today’s problems, what clouds our judgement, is our huge Facebook Friends lists. Sometimes we look at the list and we find someone we haven’t heard from for 8 years, and we somehow “feel obligated” to contact that old friend again.
Just because they are on our long list of colourful profile photos…
I have no such need.
It’s always nice to see a picture of someone from the past. And when, on the basis of information, it turns out that our current interests coincide – exchange views.
Electronic contact is enough for me.
Several people urged me to meet at the beginning of Facebook. I refused everyone. I also don’t go to class reunions, etc.
As my sister once said: “I have no time for people, who no longer add anything to my life.” I remember it because I think the same way.
HG, Do you still see the good doctors? You mentioned that you are taking your IPPS to one of the concerts. Do you still have the same IPPS, the one who travels a lot?
Hello, In So Many Words,
HG has said in some of his interviews/lives of the last year (I believe they were within that time frame) that he is not able to see the good doctors owing to his current work situation. There isn’t a way for distance communication with them to be secure enough for his needs.
Just after 6 minutes into the April 10 live, HG said he was taking an intimate partner to the concert in Berlin (and meeting up with some friends of his there). He didn’t say this intimate partner was his primary source. She might be another type of intimate partner.
Yes, you are right. I was curious about whether HG has the same girlfriend that he previously described, as he has been with her for a long time. He is choosing not to share that information, and I will respect that. I speculate that he is, and that he does not want us to know, because it is an exception to his rule that devaluation always follows within a certain period. But then, HG is exceptional and unlike other narcissists. And I may be completely wrong. It may be a new girlfriend.
In so many words,
He could also be devaluing the same IPPS that he has had for a long time and not wish to share that. 🙁
That could be, but somehow I think he would be less reluctant to share that, because it is expected. And for everyone who would stop reading because of it, more would be riveted. But it could well be that he is in a process of replacing her.
.. call me old-fashioned, but I struggle to see what would be so riveting about being privy to the details of an unfortunate IPPS being taken down in a death roll by their narcissist. 🐊
“Crocodilians, including the alligator (Alligator mississippiensis), perform a spinning maneuver to subdue and dismember prey.”
TBS, I agree, not riveting at all, I’ve already lived it with my ex up close and personal, no desire to see that again, even from the outside.
In so many words, it could be. I try not to think about it mostly.
A Victor, if it is not her, it will be someone else in her place. As long as she is treated well most of the time, she may be most equipped to handle it.
In so many words,
I agree, this is the conundrum, as I have said before. My question has been, should anyone have to handle it? Clearly so, since the narc will not stop what is best for them. But, it will never be me again. And my heart goes out to all those who are in that position currently.
A Victor, what if HG’s ability to provide the information that he does in a prolific manner in which he does depends on him having a steady supply of fuel from a primary source? She (or her replacement) is paying the price for our freedom. But if she is still treated well, she may be content.
In so many words,
This is a very different question that you pose as opposed to the first one, regarding which I would root for. But here goes.
I agree, she may be content, as content as any IPPS can be. That said, knowing the extent of content that an IPPS can achieve, I do not believe any human should be exposed to abuse, call me an empath, haha, but it is not in my DNA to root for that regardless the good outcome possible for the masses as a result.
I am quite certain that HG needs a steady supply of fuel from a primary source, whether there is prolific output for us or not, and whichever IPPS it is. His need from the IPPS is lower than that of a mid-range or lesser, who both have smaller fuel matrixes, but there is still some need. He does get bored, she will undoubtedly be the recipient of some of his need to address that. She may be very well able to handle abuse, she may be doing us all a favor, that may be true, but for me to say that I approve of her abuse, even so that I can benefit, no, I cannot do so.
Here are a few of the ways that I feel abuse is possible and how she may react:
No children, she may wish to have them, has he been honest about this with her? She may swallow hard and accept at some point that this will not happen for her if she is with him. It would be a big pill to swallow if it is something she has wanted, I can only hope it is not.
Being an appliance, one in a series of appliances, that he does not view as a person. This one point, if people understood it, would be enough to get some, maybe many, to resist from the start with these people.
Secrets, even if she doesn’t know there are any, the fact that there are any is a theft from her as his most intimate person, thinking she knows him in such a way. It is more likely that she knows there are secrets, that he even allows it for his reasons, and that she either denies or justifies them in her mind, to keep the relationship intact.
Never realizing that she has a part, an addiction, to him, to his narcissism. The very thing that he teaches us, denied to her to keep control over her. She will likely accept that she is to blame for shortcomings in the relationship, but will not understand the reality of it.
The Golden Period, all promises for a perfect future together, which were to be his version of perfect, not hers, once it’s all said and done. Unless his version happens to provide her with her version as a by-product. The thought from him will never be to provide her with her version just because he loves her and wants to make her happy. She was mislead from the beginning.
Not being loved. She thinks she is. She is not. He cannot. But, he likely tells her he does, and…there’s a lie. I am never going to be okay with lies, especially of this magnitude, especially being told between two people who claim to care about each other, or from one of them to the other. It is just wrong, from my perspective. Not from his perspective, of course. I believe she would see it more from mine, maybe that is incorrect. But the lie here is but one facet of the wrongness of this part of this situation.
Anyway, there are more things I could say, but, I will stop there. I hope she is happy, truly happy. I actually hope even more that she understands what it means to be truly happy, I did not when I was ensnared, and that she is making the choice from a conscious place. If that were the case, sure, she can be content, if she truly understands what he is giving her and what she can expect and that it is enough for her.
All that when we don’t even know if SM is still the IPPS. But, whoever the IPPS is, all of the above still stands in my way of thinking. Thank you for the conversation, In so many words, you have refreshed in my mind some of the basics, I appreciate that.
Creating a long suffering relationship? 😉
I wouldn’t want to know the details, but then I avoid horror movies, which many find riveting. I can understand why many would. I think the alligator death grip analogy does not quite work, as the narcissist wants to leave the IPPS alive and functioning. And I don’t know what I am rooting for. For HG to devalue and release her, or for him to relate to her more like IPSS by treating her mostly well. I think it depends on whether she wants to have children. If she does not, I think I would root for the latter. Which would you root for?
I still observe that it seems to be of high status (social media, celebrities, or friends of mine) to not wander around after the age of 40, to maintain a relationship. Middle greaters, Upper greaters, Upper midrange, usually don’t disengage, once they found those great prime aims.
So why would HG? I believe he will most likely never disengage from the shieldmaiden.
Death roll analogy is a victim’s perspective .. not a narc’s.
In so many words,
Oh boy, that is such a difficult question.
I think I would root for him to have a relationship of total honesty from the start with the other person so they can then choose if they want to continue it or not. No, not even, since this is not possible and the IPPS will only be hurt.
It is so horrible to think of a person going through life with no one loving them. But in the case if narcissists, it is one or the other who is truly loved, the IPPS loves them without it returned, or the IPPS finds someone who is not a narc that can love them and the narc is left unloved.
Since the IPPS has the capacity to love and be loved in return, and the narc cannot love and doesn’t care about being loved, but rather only cares about having their prime aims met, I’m going with the preference of the IPPS finding a person who can love them back.
It is sad to me for the narc, very sad, but the best for others. Thank you for asking, this was interesting to think through. It really makes me sad though.
Another Cat,
I hope you find this.
Your comment about HG never disengaging from SM is interesting, thank you for sharing that. Do you think it will be good for her, as in what she as an empathic person wants, expects or hopes for from a relationship? I’m so hoping it can be good for her. But I also know, hope is a four letter word.
A Victor, Honesty is not an option of course; HG needs to be in control and being honest would serve no useful purpose for him. As she is a magnet empath, it is highly unlikely that she has a life where no one loves her. She is getting quite a bit out of the relationship: entertaining and intelligent conversations with someone who is knowledgeable about art, music, literature, current events and many other subjects. Fun activities in and out of bed. She is with someone who sees her as an appliance, but she doesn’t know that. She thinks she loved. But if HG is not pursuing a potential new IPPS, he has more time for other pursuits. But it is likely that HG will get bored if he has not already.
In so many words,
No, he cannot give up control.
She may have many people who love her but not in the way a woman wants to be loved by a man. I would not wish that on anyone, I have experienced the longing for that love, within a marriage, what narcs offer does not fulfill it no matter what else she’s getting. We are able to believe it is, at least for a while, maybe until our hope dies, but at some point, it is not enough.
I agree about the boredom, we may never know. They are not always together, which he has said helps.
AV
Thank you
Well I think since greaters and the Ultra don’t need so much of their fuel from the IPPS, burt mostly from work, fame, sports, friends, I think she is having a quite nice life with HG Tudor.
As does Macron’s wife Brigitte,
George and Amal Clooney,
Camilla and King Charles,
Polly’s husband David Gilmour,
as did David Bowie’s wife Iman.
They live together for life.
There are sustained devaluations, which I don’t wish for any person at all in this world.
But these many IPPSs don’t get dumped (so why would the Shieldmaiden?)
and have an easier life than, say, nervous Prince Harry.
AC, thank you for expanding on your thinking here. I believe you may be correct and I hope so also, as far as SM having a nice life with HG, not being abused as some of his previous IPPS’s were. I don’t know if I can go so far as to hope she is with him long term, since I believe it is only a limited life regardless of the niceties, but if she is, I hope it is enough for her. Also, if it is not her, it would be someone else, so there is always that.
Isabelle, with regard to a “collapsed narcissist”, maybe that is similar (or, is) like when a narcissist experiences a fuel crisis?
https://narcsite.com/2015/09/29/questioning-me/comment-page-7/#comment-441660
Hello Asp Emp,
Yes, this would make sense, thank you. A continued and definitive lack of fuel, maybe.
Hello Isabelle, thank you. How timely, ‘A Fading Star’ has been re-posted, this article was what I had in my mind when I read your reply 🙂
Thank you AspEmp, I’ll go back to reading the “Fading Star” !
Hey HG,
Do you still offer early Narc Detectors with a traffic light outcomes?
Thanks.
I do.
HG,
What’s a narc detector with a traffic light outcome?? Xx
One that is used at an early stage of the relationship when there may not be sufficient information to form a view that the person is a narcissist, but there is sufficient information to generate concern.
HG,
Thank you, this is the first I heard about that one. Good to know, for future reference. Thanks for the info! Xx
I heard you say on a Youtube video that you are actually a descendant in the Tudor line. Which Tudor in particular? If you’ve covered it in the Knowledge Vault, please let me know the name of the file, and I will purchase.
Thanks!
Is PRECIOUS (Dark Cupid) about a stolen virginity?
🙂
You will have to listen and find out.
HG,
I haven’t read any of the Dark Cupid series yet, I’m too chicken 😂 xx
😉
HG,
Stolen virginity, sounds an awful lot like rape. If it is, I’ll definitely pass on that one.
Just don’t listen to Precious on your way to work…
When it’s your first Dark Cupid and you don’t know what the series entails…
Because it’s a looong 8 hours until you can finally go home and change trousers and relax out the tension after a day of looking at Ted from accounting in a way that you don’t want to be looking at Ted from accounting…
That would be terrible
Ok thank you!
I listened PAWN.
Precious would be my second dark cupid.
🙂
“Ted from accounting” sounds like a great episode from “The Office.” 😂👍
Yessss! Meredith gets all hot and bothered from listening to a podcast on the way to work, and to her chagrin finds herself eyeing Michael out of desperation.
Me:Innocently driving to work, do dee do, oh I know, I’ll listen to the new series from HG.
10 minutes later: Gripping the steering wheel, sweet pouring from my brow.
DC should come with a warning label; ‘Do not listen when the lone person you will encounter for the next 8 hours is Ted from accounting.’
I know you usually analyze real celebrities but wondered if you ever dissect fictional people …. Specifically I’m curious about your take on the characters in HBO’s “Succession.” There are multiple scenes between the billionaire and his kids that I’m now connecting to what I read in your blogs. Would you ever consider doing a Knowledge Vault series on this show? Episode 2 of 4th season has really intense scenes that seem to illustrate Greater Narc interactions.
Possibly, but you have to remember that television and film portrayals are not always accurate as they are to entertain and thus follow odd character arcs at times.
Thanks, Mr. Tudor,
I can see where that would be tricky and maybe not an accurate portrayal of narcissism in action if written for dramatic purposes. The show gets a lot of buzz here in the States, and I’d love to hear your take on it but understand if it’s not an accurate representation. Much better to nail it accurately.
The most interesting video I’ve seen from you regarding dissection of a real-life narcissist was the one between James Corden and Patrick Stewart. So fascinating! Never have I seen a bully get in the face of an old man like that. It was chilling.
Mr. Tudor,
1. Is there any particular character that stands out for being a more accurate representation of a narcissist or narcissistic psychopath than others across media?
2. What type of narcissist is that character?
3. What traits about the narcissist were portrayed well that the character stand out in your mind for the accuracy?
Thank you so much for your time. I appreciate it.
I think YOU series is one. It is obvious narcissists and psychopaths are featured but in this series almost every character is one. This is far fetched. But it is entertaining. It’s a mystery thriller too. Have you seen it HG?
No, I know of it.
I thought President Snow in Hunger Games trilogy followed a classic arc of a narcissistic psychopath. Unfortunately, the prequel that was more recently written proved impossible for me to read because it created a LOCE as part of Coriolanus Snow’s background that appeared to make him a sympathetic character. After learning what I have learned here, it was impossible for me to believe he had at one point been an empathic teen, so I stopped reading after the first few pages. Otherwise, I would have been led to believe that someone empathic could in the end become a narcissistic psychopath.
Ooh I would so enjoy a nice roasting of Kendall Roy in particular
HG do you regard anything as being “cute?” And what’s your understanding of the emotional response to cuteness?
No.
Nauseating.
Can the hiatus (Blast from the past Hoover) be caused by the fact that during the last hoover the victim resisted to invitations and tried to counter-manipulate the narcissist?
ex IPSS – 5 y
HG, what English online news sites do you recommend/read?
If these are politicized sites, can you name your favorite sites, e.g. two opposing political options?
I take my news from (in no particular order) BBC, The Times, The Telegraph, The Guardian, The Washington Post, France 24, Reuters, New York Times, Politico, Forbes, Financial Times, Africa News, Gulf News, Arab News, Jerusalem Post and supplemented by various publications such as The Economist, The Spectator, The Week, The Newstatesman.
Why not Apple News or anything from the west coast HG?
Why not the Falmouth Anchor, Western Morning News, the Llanelli Star or the Hexham Courant?
HG, that is a lot of news feeds. 📰
So .. why not the “Sunday Territorian”? 🃏
I have the appropriate information extracted and provided to me to save time.
Hello HG,
Talking of news sources, what do you think of Private Eye?
Thank you.
A very good read.
Hmmm, a lot 🙂
I could have narrowed down the question a bit more, ha ha ha 🙂
I meant, of course, those websites, that are Your forefront – activated every day as the first.
Ok, I read three of them sometimes. The rest – I will review and make my own selection/narrow down.
I like to corroborate domestic information with foreign sources. Thank you HG.
HG, do you find that Forbes counterbalances your other sources of US news that have a liberal slant? I read many of the same US sources, but I am liberal, and I know they confirm my biases (and by liberal, I mean an old school liberal who staunchly defends freedom of speech). But I am looking to balance my sources with a well written conservative perspective. Wall Street Journal is the only one I found, but it is limited. I would trust you more than anyone for an objective recommendation.
I do not regard it in terms of a counterbalance, that is not to say that it could not act as such, it is just not how I regard it.
HG,
In Chained when you reference your sister and state that you were concerned she would recognize what had gone on between you guys, are you referring to the narcissist & codependent dynamic or something more… specific?
The dynamic.
HG, what English online news sites do you recommend/read?
(If these sites are politicized, can you name your favorite sites of opposing political persuasions?)
If the UMR somatic woman says to the IPSS (hybrid between classic and DLS)
“If you do this I will give you a prize”
or
“I know she is your best friend, but she doesn’t give you what I give you…”
Is the devaluation started?
Heaving Glans.
Amusing.
Hmmm.
Best,
DB
Does the narcissist women become more “evil” with the ages?
I mean.. If she is cruel when she is 20, will she become more “evil” for example at 40?
See The Ageing Narcissist
Hi Black Phoenix,
Just one experience here, but as my narcissist mother declined cognitively, my son and I found that she dropped her mask more frequently with people outside of the family. I had to constantly run interference at her assisted living facilities. In one case, they almost evicted her because of her abusive attacks on another resident.
When she was younger, she was a master at mask wearing. Most people still think of her as “saintly.” She died about 6 months ago, and people still ask me how I am coping. (I am doing so well, but I just thank them for asking.)
The people who saw the mask drop in her life were her scapegoats. My son and I were 2 of them.
Any questions about dealing with a narcissist parent, let me know! I learned to care for her but not let her cross my boundaries.
Hello Heidi, and Black Phoenix,
My feeling exactly, about doing so well since my “mother” died two years ago.
In her case, she was almost 80 when she died and never declined in her cognitive functions, so she managed to keep up the mask till the end with people who were not close to her.
Some who were her scapegoats and had to suffer her cruelty, along with some who witnessed it towards the scapegoats and had emotional empathy, all distanced themselves from her years before her death – altogether, this included my brother, his wife, my son and myself.
She retained the same level of cruelty all along. Even beyond the grave, so to speak: she was sick and knew she was dying, so she had made sure to leave notes with horrible messages for my brother and me to find hidden among her stuff; she knew we would have to empty her flat, and she had told one in her coterie to “make sure [we] went through everything” as he told us after the cremation.
Black Phoenix, I don’t know if female narcissists are worse than male narcissists. May I ask why your question was about women narcissists in particular?
Isabelle, I am so sorry for what you went through because of her abuse. I am relieved to read, that you and your brother had eachother in this whole business of hers.
Hello Another Cat !
Thank you for your kind words. I described my mother’s attitude as an illustration, just one example of what a (female) narcissist can be like, getting neither worse nor better with age. But it is all in the past now for me. I am still quite close to my brother who is still struggling with those past events. I try to help when he asks me to.
Hope you are well, Another Cat !
Hello Isabelle,
I was asking about women simply because I had been abused as IPSS by UMR woman somatic.
I had been abused by a narcissistic mum MMR T A but she is now a collapsed narcissist.
I saw other narcissist, especially the male Lessers (my uncle) become crazy more and more…
Hello Black Phoenix,
I’m not sure what is meant by “collapsed narcissist”. From what I read in your other post, you had it rough with your parents.
Have you accessed HG’s “How to Handle a Parental Narcissist”? I Listened to it after my parents’ death and it was still extremely useful to me. I would recommend that you get this package.
All the best to you.
Hi Isabelle, I am sorry you went through this with your mother, it is horrible.
When I was young, I used to wonder at the difference of my “at home mother” vs my “public mother”, the difference in what I saw in each place. Reading the comments here has helped me realize it is typical for narcissists and, I am glad to say, not typical for Empaths. My children saw much more consistency, as their children do now. I am glad to have realized this, it is actually upsetting to me to think back on the discrepancy with my mother, which still continues, but calming to think it did not continue with my children. Patterns have been changed, it is good. Thank you for your comment which brought this to my attention.
Hello Heidi.
Thank you!
My mother is a Middle Mid-Range Type A.
The female narcissist who seduced me (IPSS) was an UMR Somatic.
My mother is very abusive but she is a collapsed narcissist.
I’m her unique source of supply…. She costantly try to kiss me etc.
My father is psycollogically destroyed after 30 years of marriage.
But my Dad is crazy to because when I was a teen he was speaking to me about their sexual intercourse.
In my case, about my mum: she was crazy when I was a baby and now she is a little worse.
Black Phoenix and Isabelle,
Both of your stories are horrific. So sorry to hear of all of this, but I can relate.
Now that my mother is gone and I have had therapy and also educated myself via Mr. Tudor’s blogs and videos, things are making more sense.
I come from an entire family (on my mom’s side) of narcissists. I believe my maternal grandfather was one, and besides my mother, I believe 2 of her sisters are also narcissists.
It is hard to deal with as they age. I was advised after my mother’s death to seek out therapists who were experts in “complicated grief.” Apparently that is code for people who have had narcissistic parents. This tip helped a lot with matching to someone who completely understood it.
I wish both of you healing!
Hello Heidi,
Thank you for your message.
I had never heard of experts in complicated grief, this is interesting. I am not sure they exist in my country, I’ll have a look as I think this could help my brother.
Having many narcissists in your family must have been hell, so I am glad to hear that you found adequate help. I think my mother’s father was a narcissist too, and the rest of the family played the role of my mother’s coterie perfectly. I may come round to doing a narc detector on my father one day, who showed many red flags but I am still unsure what he was.
Like you, I have found the best help through HG’s work, and not only as regards my parents (“romantic” partners too). It is thanks to HG’s help, really, that I could say to Another Cat in my previous post that as far as my parents are concerned, it is now all in the past for me.
My brother is not on narcsite, he needs to speak to someone in person – it is already a wonder that he can actually seek psychological help at last. I will definitely check to see if we have those experts.
Keep well.
Black Phoenix,
It is interesting that your significant other was also a narcissist. The case was the same with me, although I am only guessing at his school and cadre. But he was actually diagnosed by a clinician as having ND.
It took me a full 18 months of “de-brainwashing” to heal after my 10-year marriage to him. Through that process, I connected the dots that the abuse in my life started with my mother.
None of this is easy, but this web site and the YouTube video site has been excellent for me.
Hi again, Isabelle,
The way it works with locating “complicated grief” therapists is that they usually do not post it on their web sites. You sort of have to look at their credentials and then call and ask if they or any of their team specializes in “complicated grief.” This might be just an American thing. But they are careful about not posting that they specialize in helping people with narcissists, probably to protect their clients. It is an understood phrase among therapists but not widely known. The only reason I found out about this “code phrase” was that I have a friend who is a therapist (not my own therapist — she just does this for a living). She advised me after my mom’s death last fall to do this when hunting for someone. Voila, it worked. I was surprised that it was understood immediately when I said it on the phone.
I hope you can locate someone!
Good luck. 👍
HG, I agree with what you have said before about love stories and movies playing a part in the ‘love devotee’ quality. Especially if those stories were a way for you to escape from traumatic living situations. Reading, being a healthy escape from reality at the time, may have given ‘someone’ a skewed view of the “real world”. Also, do you think religion could take part in the love devotee? Growing up in a religion that tells you that everyone is redeemable and can be saved. Going around as a young child doing “missionary work” trying to “save” all the kids in the neighborhood. Which now, learning about boundaries, that was a huge boundary violation. Not to mention, if there were sexual predators in the church. That adds another layer of “fuckery”, excuse my language. I know that religion is a sensitive topic. Have you read anything about “Adult children of Alcoholics and dysfunctional families”? There is an entire program on that alone and it maps out characteristics of the traits that adults growing up in homes like that have in common.
Extreme religions being in that category of dysfunctional family. Imagine having all kinds of dysfunction going on in one family. Makes for a very confused child.
I realize now that showing love to a sociopath is something they see as a weapon to be used against you. And the smile on their face is not admiration or love, but of excitement. Like how a hunter would spot their prey and feel excited for what they can extract from them.
I know for psychologists, psychiatrists and outsiders looking in, it’s easy to judge someone who seems to have a “narrow view” or to them, appears to be “dense” or stupid and just not getting it. But imagine having to re-wire your brain and change your distorted view on life. While still living your life and not realizing you have been living all wrong. But still having to function in the day to day while the economy is getting worse and worse. And the generation before you tells you that your generation is lazy. Even though they could be a house a 1/8th of a cost that you can do now. It’s disheartening.
It’s easy for someone to say “not everyone has your best interest in mind”
Okay..but discernment takes practice. Retraining your brain doesn’t happen overnight. I have seen where compassion decreases when physicians go through medical school. Which then trickles down to the patients. And eventually poisons the whole group. I know that some people don’t want to get better, and that is what it is. But imagine even what feigned or learned compassion could do for your patients. IF the medical field wasn’t a money making scheme. Where they just want to make money off of people’s misery not pointing out that society as a whole needs to change. And that won’t happen if we are all pointing fingers at each-other. Sorry.. I got off topic. I just see people getting into feuds to prove that they are right and nobody stops to think of real solutions. Compassion can go such a long way. Even compassion and understanding for people who were born with a disease of their brain that isn’t curable. I feel like the world has gotten so into making money they don’t realize they are running all the “little people” into the ground. These are societal problems!!!!! But let’s blame all the parents and shame everyone for how they grew up. Instead of taking a look in and wondering what your kind word could do for someone. Because it doesn’t seem like a lot but that might just help someone hold onto their sanity a little bit longer.
Wow sorry… I got into a YouTube vortex of psychiatrists that triggered my anger for some reason. Yikes!
Hi Trish,
I grew up in a religious, abusive and dysfunctional home and I used books, Choir, Track and my own imagination to escape the abuse in my childhood and teen years. As an adult, I married an abusive man, left and divorced him and then shortly after married an alcoholic narcissist. Now I’m an ACON and a spouse of a recovering alcoholic, who happens to be a Middle Lesser Narcissist….the hits keep coming…happy, happy, joy, joy…I’m not giving up and what I’ve learned is life isn’t easy on anyone and you have to keep fighting and learn as you go, because giving up isn’t in me. I’m way too ornery for that. 😂 You’ll find the blog here very supportive and you’ll also find those who are a lot like you, are the most helpful and encouraging than anyone else you’ve met before. Xx
HG, Can a sociopath love someone? At least what they perceive to be love?
What I feel is that they love you as long as you are doing what they want. And as soon as you steer away or disagree with them they paint you black. Until they decide you might be useful. I feel like my answers are coming to me as I ask them.
I see why you have the infatuation section now. So, they may be infatuated with you which might confuse you into feeling like they love you. Especially if the person was your first romantic experience. But they love what your body can do for them? The residual benefit of having a warm body to pleasure yourself with.
This makes me a little sick but I’m trying to understand. It takes my brain a little longer to catch up and fully comprehend things when feelings and memories are attached to what I’m trying to fully comprehend.
can they not love because they don’t trust people enough to do so? Is their love just ‘smoke and mirrors’ to fulfill their ‘prime aims’? So some wish they could love or do they just not care? Do sociopaths have an attachment style? If so, what attachment style do they have?
Thank you.
A sociopath has no emotional empathy and therefore is incapable of loving someone.
Trish
You eyes will be opened wide in reading HG’s book Sex and the Narcissist.
Trish,
This should help with what you are trying to get to grips with. Xx
https://youtu.be/tfv9SY09suQ
Thank y’all!! ♥️♥️♥️
HG.
Does it annoy you that you have to hide behind a pseudonym due to personal reasons? Especially as others with psychopathy can come forward and talk as they lead “normal” lives.
Do you find it disrespectful that people constantly poke and prod to find out your real identity?
Can you tell if someone is a sociopath or psychopath when you first meet them?
How long does it take for you to determine this?
Can you also tell from their posts and emails?
1. No.
2. No.
3. Yes.
4. Varies.
5. Indicators not determinative.
HG, RE: the question and your answer to no. 3, totally understandable, I would have described it as ‘disrespectful’. I would not like it happening to me, it’s about recognising boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not. I learned & understood more about narcissistic abuse through your work than anyone else. I could never understand why some people were / are so persistently nosey, now I do.
Asp Emp,
“Do you find it disrespectful that people constantly poke and prod to find out your real identity?”
I believe that was question #2 – so, apparently, HG does not find such inquiry disrespectful.
(I would hazard a guess that the age questions get tedious though?)
WhoCares, thank you for correcting me on that 🙂 Yes, maybe HG does find some things tedious 🙂
No problem Asp Emp – that’s how I understood that exchange anyway.
There was a character on Quora who claimed HG was her ex-boyfriend. I forgot all about it until someone in one of the “Laugh at the Sugars” recordings quoted it word-for-word.
Viol., After the first YouTube video of HG’s, I googled him because of natural curiosity and came across that lady. She says she is the college girlfriend who first told him about the class she took. Some of the things she said sounded convincing but then she said that he’s American, not British. No f’ing WAY. There’s no WAY he’s not British. After that, I felt sad for that lady because it almost seems like she believes herself. But I suppose there are worse delusions to have than an imaginary relationship with HG.
That individual does not know me and knows nothing about me.
While it’s easy to use your autobiographical material to feign a relationship, this person goes off on wholly unbelievable tangents that go against all your fundamental characteristics. Easy to see they’re a fraud.
It wasn’t just the British thing, that was a bit of humor on my part.
Has a cat, possibly.
Not British?! Never!!!
@KitKat
“Has a cat, possibly” — Only if he needed to for the purposes of the prime aims…i.e. to secure an empath who loves animals and volunteers at her local animal shelter to hug and love the homeless cuddly fuzzy darlings.
I don’t see it being necessary…I think he could say, “I love animals, but I travel often for work. Leaving a pet alone often wouldn’t be good for them. My pet would be sad.” He could then make a donation to the shelter to “prove” that he loves animals.
There are probably plenty of other workarounds that needn’t involve allowing animals into one of his homes.
Other facts that support him having no pets: (may have messed up wording a little…but I have the gist, I think)
1. HG has said (in a live) that he’s not an animal person in response to a query about, “cats or dogs.”
2. Animals (non-humans) are lower life forms.
3. I have no interest in them, torturing them or caring for them.
4. Several times, he’s mentioned being a fastidious person (with people who come and clean for him). Litterboxes are smelly and dirty. Cats can be destructive, scratch up furniture, expel bodily waste in places other than the litterbox, etc.
5. He travels often. Animals aren’t conducive to a lifestyle of frequent work travel. (Particularly when his ‘high-octane’ job has the potential of landing him in the hospital, and he says it has.)
Dani! Dani! Daniiiii! We need you in the Knowing HG Forum! Your focus and information gathering skills! Come, come to us🤲🍎 Help us solve the mysteries!
Dani, Precisely. Anyone who has listened to HG for longer than 5 seconds knows he would never (unless for the manipulative reasons you pointed out) own a cat.
How do I explain this?
I was trying to be funny by using that particular lie as an example of the shear ridiculousness of her claims. but comparatively not being British was the last straw.
Like: HG can fly, possibly. But NOT BRITISH?? Never!
Read in a light, sarcastic manner. Like, Oh the horror! Ugh.
My humor has difficulty translating in person; via text it’s completely hopeless.
I feel bad that I made you spend time crafting your well-thought out answer, but I guess it wasn’t for naught because Jordyguin has discovered your investigative skills.
@Jordyguin,
I searched for “Knowing HG” but I don’t think I found where you’re at. Where do I need to come?
@KitKat
You didn’t make me do anything.
No need to feel bad about me missing humor (sweat-drop). I don’t always pick up on it and take things too literally (autism).
That quora person (or perhaps people) should stop spreading lies about HG. There are others who’ve done similar things…and HG is so classy…using the third assertion of control, ignoring them…though I know, from an accidental encounter with one person’s content…that there were HG defenders commenting/responding…telling that individual that “HG really helped me.” and “HG saved my life.”
It is far more effective and really gets to these clowns when people ignore their idiocy and instead they focus on the efficacy of my work in their own situation, as you highlighted and I appreciate it when readers/viewers/clients do so.
@KitKat 🤣😂😘😘😘
@ Dani, when you have time and mice you gotta purchase The Knowing HG Series (9 Parts) and you will be given access to the password protected forum where an ongoing investigation about the material in the KHG-Series is going on, also would need to purchase The Three That Got Away and Alastor for additional understanding/clues. It is a load of material in the forum and is a detective work for Tudorites who want to understand more about HG and the Legacy. The clues are spread around the blog, in articles, comments, the videos, everywhere!!! I predict that you would enjoy to make the connections and combine the puzzle, with your focus and interest-given-nature in HG’s work and character.
The Tudorites of the first wave already uncovered so many things! but there is still more! So whenever you are ready, Sherlock🐹💕
@Dani, Oh my gosh, no, not your fault that you didn’t pick up on my humor, regardless of personal interpretation.
It’s convoluted at best, and everyone has trouble telling if I’m joking or not, even my friends who have known me for years.
Common denominator is me, not y’all 😹
P.S. This conversation has given me a fabulous idea for a silly photo edit!! I occasionally do one for HG, and this time I think he should be crawling with kittens, don’t you? Thank you for the muse ❤️
HG, Yes, I ignore those people like a good little Tudorite should. Do not feed the trolls.
It was back when I first saw your content, and I was incredulous that in this day and age anyone’s identity could go unknown.
But you aren’t just anyone, now are you…..
@Jordyguin
If you can say without spoilers, is “Knowing HG” a darker series? I know I would enjoy clue hunting, but I’ve only got a very vague idea of what content might be in there. I’m incredibly interested in HG, how he thinks and operates, but there are some bits that I stay away from because of my experiences. It sounds like some of “Knowing HG” might get there. I don’t think some dark pieces would be good for me to examine closely at this time.
But more about how HG thinks, how he saves the world…if he caused Corden (ar**hole) to have a hissy-fit (I vaguely remember him saying he’s met Corden (ar**hole))…meetings he’s had with other narcs or narcisisstic psychopaths…I would ADORE and be completely captivated by a series like, ‘When HG met a GN or GN/Psychopath”…and learning how he navigated those interactions…has he ever helped an empath escape a GN…or stolen an empath from a GN…more about the life or death situations he’s been in and how he thought his way through them (because his brain works so differently). Does he view his psychopathy as having given him an advantage in those situations? So many questions…
@KitKat–
Do share HG silly photo edits!
I love the idea of the world’s CUTEST kittens climbing his trousers…rolling in his lap…draping his shoulders…one on his head like a hat…Siamese kittens, Manx kittens, Maine Coones, so many types of kitten to choose from…maybe even a spicy Sphynx…and Scottish folds, Turkish angoras…all with large, sweet eyes…
We can play this game so long as you accept the consequences for the kittens.
@Mr. Tudor,
What are the consequences for the kittens?
*prepares for Operation Kitten Rescue/Operation Not Letting Kittens Harangue the Universe’s Best Narcissist*
Expiration
Dani and Rebecca, There’s a scene in the second Adam’s Family movie where Wednesday is forced to endure The Harmony Hut, and it’s basically like Clockwork Orange but cute things. Posters of kittens and puppies, ‘Annie’ playing on a loop.
For HG, an extra bonus would be every hour someone comes in and gives him a biiiig faaaaat anaconda vise-like HUG while cooing “HG, sweetums, you’re just a big ol’ cuddly coo aren’t you, yes you are, I’ll take good care of you, Mr. Grumpy-Wumpy puddin’ pie”
Hugging with broken arms is a problem.
*Swiftly collects kittens and puts them in a carrier. Removes them from Tudor Towers post-haste*
Sensible.
Dani, in part it is dark and at certain points a Tudorite(s) was emotionally affected by what was discovered and had to take a short break but returned, balanced herself out because it is what it is; it’s life and sometimes it’s a very challenging one, but the point is to succeed in it the best way we can and in this context HG shares how he – the Ultra, succeeded; and how it all folds together with his needs and aims; and also how it correlates with the world of narcissists in total (bigger picture and connections). There are different aspects, not just the dark ones, but the dark ones are not experienced by HG as we might view them. A sensitive individual might of course put heavy emotions into readings/findings and be affected by it, more than it should be the case perhaps.
But of course I can’t determine for others as to what should or shouldn’t be the case or the pace in moving through our sometimes very dark or light reality. I think we are all connected somehow in what we are going through and learning from each other, so I view it as an assisting element in order to arrive at a sober interaction with the world, learning to take responsibility for my own emotional states and what results out of them. Thus to encounter the „dark“ if it becomes part of my experience – HG’s story and the whole topic on narcissism/psychopathy- in order to face the given facets, to hone my own navigation and purpose.
The KHG material is created in a way of giving the participating Tudurites the opportunity to train their skills in -not to jump to conclusions- and collect and examine evidence of psychological and real life events. Finding clues which HG placed from the beginning of the blog throughout the blog and in the series itself. To gain a better understanding of HG and a closer look into his personal story, including the clues for his profession(s). A glimpse into his past, present, future. The Legacy is more than what one gets from the „outside material“, there is also another element to it. Many of your questions will be answered, but new may also arise. Answered via the series itself and as a result of reading through the private-forum, since the answers established during the clue-hunt and the Q&A sessions and the group effort of the Clue-hunters.
Hi Jordy–
Thank you so much for sharing. I appreciate knowing that. I need to think about it. I have no doubt that there’s much there to learn from in the Knowing HG series. It’s about the enigma known as HG. It’s bound to be fascinating. I just know enough about me at this point to proceed with caution for my sake.
Jordyguin,
only speaking for myself, I remember many nights of crying after learning the story of Mr Tudor and getting to know the full story. And I know others did as well.
Yes it is a fantastic adventure to get to know Mr Tudor, but yes, as you guessed it, for many it is a hard story to stomach.
Z, Very true. Just ‘The Three That Got Away’ is heartbreaking. It disturbed me for days.
Wait a second. There’s a forum dedicated to deciphering clues HG has left in his material and discussing his personal life?
You guys just need Swifties in there!
You are very welcome Dani. And good to read that you are paying attention to the findings about yourself and taking care of yourself.
Z – zwartbolleke,
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with the Knowing HG series. It gives me another perspective to consider. I really appreciate it.
Rebecca,
Fear not for the fuzzy wittle kitties. Mr. Tudor demonstrated his capacity for benevolent manipulation by allowing my rapid removal of ALL kittens to safety outside the walls of Tudor Towers. I was ‘sensible’ in taking such swift action, he said so.
Victorious, I guess we may need everything😁 good focus, attention to details, information gathering, examination.. The process is interesting and you learn new things about HG and yourself – how you perceived HG before and after the Series.
Z, but you also managed those emotions and became one of the most dedicated investigators of the KHG-Series!👏
As for me, after reading the Series, The Three That Got Away and Who Is Alastor, I thought; should have purchased it right away from the beginning. As to how much sense than everything made and is seen in a different light.
Expiration after a long life of providing you with cuddles and purrs and slow-blinks
They die quickly. I know this.
“He was a cruel man…but fair!”
HG , Dani and KitKat,
Even before HG responded with “expiration” I was screaming in my head, Get the kittens! The images in my head would have me snatching them up quickly and shoving them in my shirt and running for the nearest exit! Not the fuzzy wittle kittens! 😱☠️😫🙀😿👻
@KitKat,
You had me laughing picturing HG in the torture hut listening to Annie and then you coming in with the bear 🤗 😂…..Oh, I’m glad I’m over here and can’t be reached 😂 😛🤪🤣 OH, shit! I suddenly remember an important trip I need to make….xx 😂
Haha Rebecca, HG has his form of torture, and I have mine.
“Now, get on your knees and play with this kitten!!!”
@KitKat,
Me playing with kittens, wouldn’t be torture to me 😂…..maybe for the kittens because I’d be like overly affectionate and cooing at them wittle fuzzy wuzzy furballs… 😂….having too much fun being sticky sweet and making HG nauseated 🤢 xx….No swords around the kittens HG 😂
Dani, and if HG says you’re sensible, then you are muthafking SENSIBLE
F***ing love you, HG!! .. confession .. I’ve had a couple glasses of vino.
(Not that it makes any difference to the actual feeling, but maybe to the ability to express such feeling).
And why do I love you, HG?? .. because you are honest (at least with us).
THAT IS WHY.
Love is such a HUGE word. I have confessed love to very few people in my life. But if I love, then I LOVE. If I like, I LIKE it. And you will feel it and you will be informed about it – you and “the whole world” 🙂
Alcohol is a damn cheater. Of feelings – love, hate – makes an exaggerated caricature. It causes so much misery… That’s why I drink alcohol very rarely – once or twice a year – a little bit. Drinking alcohol is a waste of time.
To love a strange man, who wrote that he is honest – that’s madness! 🙂
But… writing about yourself and your life on a public blog, hoping that the language barrier will be a sufficient barrier between the real world, is also madness. Yet here I am 🙂
@TBS Red or white? I myself prefer red. I find it is also an aphrodiasiac. It does make you feel love.
🍷🍷🍷
I find white wine goes well with chicken and fish.
Red goes well with beef, lamb or game.
I did try a Lillet with a dash of wild berry. Wonderful stuff.
@ HG
Yes everything expires or has it’s expiry date. Cats? Fluffy cats?
Pussy too as well.
Could not resist. I myself like TBS have had a glass of vino 🍷 in my case red wine, with a luscious medium rare beef steak, chips and a delightful tossed tomato salad. I do toss very well. Pardon the pun! It is the alcohol speaking!
hihihihi Anna is drunk……..Ann come heeeaaaa……how many fingers Ann🤘🤏🤌…….sing us a song Ann…….
……Good morning Anna! ….what is this tattoo on your forehead saying?? ….💘HG APPROVES⚓️Anana🥀 … Who is Anana??
Anna, hi there .. Reds, alas and alack, do not agree with me (not even so much as a blushing sparkling!) 🙄 So annoying.
These days, my go to is either a Chablis, Gris or Grigio .. or if an aperitif, a dirty Martini.🍸
I definitely need to eat more when drinking!
Hahaha, Jordyguin you made me laugh 🤩
Say the alphabet backward skipping every other letter🤯
Thanks HG for your answers.
Reading the comments below. I cannot believe that there really are people who discredit HG’s work. My guess is alot of it stems from jealousy.
HG’s work has helped me tremendously. It held me together whilst I was falling apart from the seams due to a horrible incident involving severe narcissistic abuse and gaslighting. Thank you HG.
@Jordyguin
There is a knowing HG forum? Yes Dani would be excellent. I concur. I will look for it using the search function. I would like to see it as well.
Anna! Yes come on board🔎🐹 ⬆️See my answers to Dani⬆️ regarding KHG-Series.
Thank you. I shall look into it. Is it the Knowing HG 4? in the knowledge vault? There is quite alot of them and I would like to know the one to get on board 💕💕
Anna Banana💕😘😁 of course you’d need all 9 parts and not just part 4. Imagine watching or reading Harry Potter part 4 only, you’d be a lil lost. If I’m correct, back than it was; you had to purchase parts 1-4 in order to get access to the forum. At that time only 4 parts came out.
Hello Anna,
What I encountered was shortly after my discovering HG…but I’d already seen the video, “The Narcissist Who Would be King.” I thought about recommending it to this envious person…because it seemed potentially applicable in that case…then I thought…why would I give that person fuel? I would do better to just get back to enjoying and learning from HG’s content, thus boosting his view time and the algorithm in his favor…
Also, frankly, I found the people speaking well of HG to be an excellent endorsement. I didn’t see any ad hominem attacks or other bad online behavior from them. They spoke for their experience and what HG did for them which convinced me of the decency of HG’s clients (whose comments I read).
@Dani. Yes HG’s information is excellent. I am so glad we found it.
@Jordyguin. Fantastic reply. Made me smile 😁😄
Anna Banana? Did you watch American Horror Story Asylum?
Lana Banana? Just thought about it when you wrote that.☺️☺️☺️
No, I haven’t but I thought you just must be some sweet and funny Anna Banana (‘ ⌣ ‘)>🧋
@Jordyguin
Aww bless. You are the sweet one.
I am more like one of those chewy sweets with the sour liquid inside.
@KitKat and Dani,
In regard to your comment about picturing HG with kittens all around him and on him 😂 That is a funny image, the expression on his face, I imagine, is one of annoyance and disgust 😂 I think puppies would be better, only because of their wet tongues and enthusiasm would just add to the annoyance and disgust.😂
And then I think on his words of accepting the consequences and then I think on his article about one of his IPPS’ dog, I think the article was called, Hounded by Love, or something along those lines…and I think, no, no puppies, or kittens…pull them back and away…and I imagine HG’s smile at my fevered attempts to pull them away…amusement clear on his face…my imagination at work here..🙃 HG, Did your former IPPS ever find her dog?? I get the impression it was a beagle?? I hope the dog is well. Xx
Truthseeker–
Santa, a mid-ranger? Hmmm…Does any of your evidence come from the definitive history of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, the Rankin/Bass TV special? You know you need a variety of sources…and there are many songs…that talk about a man who lacks boundary awareness (He sees you when you’re sleeping…) and a little threatening (…so be good for goodness sake…) and a musical rumor about the dangers posed by unemployed reindeer to elderly women…terrible benefits for the elves…his cookie addiction…
*Dark humor alert*
(And if you thought Bob had a terrible day or two on a spit and gagged with an apple…well, I’m not allowed…to discuss Rudolph’s stay in the dungeon of Tudor Towers…so you really mustn’t ask…about the reindeer sized roasting pan, a large wood-burning oven, the copious amount of…red wine and dried herbs…the roaring flames, the dark chocolaty, velvety chuckle, the SNICK of a knife being sharpened, the snap of a plastic pan liner being opened…I know NOTHING about HG’s favorite food…DON’T ASK!…roasted empath…I can’t talk about it…)
Besides yourself, who amongst your family has/had the best sense of humor? Second to you, of course.
My brother.
Aw, bless him and you 🙂
Younger brother or older brother?
I only have one brother.
Hg
I thought you had one older brother (from a different father)
and one younger brother?
The elder is my half brother, not my brother. I have one brother who is younger than me and one half brother who is older than me as previously and repeatedly stated.
So you have 2 brothers… god damn 🙄
No, I have one brother and one half brother.
Thank you, Mr. Tudor!
That’s long to me you have 3 siblings, 2 brothers one sister, if people want to know details then one is from a different dad. A half brother is still a brother.
If someone asks which brother, you know what they mean
A half pint is not a pint and is a disappointment.
Perhaps there are no blood ties between HG and the older half-brother?
I was adopted by my stepfather (father). I have an older half-sister and an older half-brother from his previous marriages. There are no blood ties between us, although we used to meet, we had the same last name and we have the same father on the birth certificate.
Legally, they are my siblings. In a kinship and mental sense – no.
Maybe one of HG’s parents had previously adopted a child from a previous partner?
—
What the hell am I doing here again?! Easter kitchen work,
@HG
So if someone said “oh your brother just called”
You’ll be like “excuse me, that’s my HALF brother, not my brother”…
Petty and badmind.
Is he narc, is that the problem?
You meant to write “that’s accuracy,yes”.
HG, I respect if you don’t respond to this but
you have a better relationship with your brother with whom you share both parents?
I get that impression.
What do you mean by a “better relationship”?
@Witch,
I say the same thing, in regards to my stepkids. I don’t call them daughter or sons, but stepdaughter and stepsons…as I didn’t have them from my own body and their (I believe she’s a narc) mother told me on several occasions, when they were little, that they are “her kids” and I’m not to call them “my kids” No problem, my stepdaughter is a confirmed narc from HG and her behaviors are 100% her mother’s behaviors and I wouldn’t claim any part of her upbringing if my life depended upon it. Her mother created that monster, the apple acts just like the tree she came from…I want no part of blame for the apple or the tree. Stepkids are what they are and that is how they’re mentioned in conversation from me. I’m not be cruel or uppidity, I’m just stating fact. They’re not blood to me, I was made to feel they’re not blood to me. They’re apart from me. I don’t feel the same about my stepdaughter’s kid. We’re attached, I love her and she loves me. Outside the blog, I call her by her name. She’s my little bean, my heart and I feel very protective towards her. She’s family to me and not even her mother or grandmother tells me different. Xx
HG,
I think my husband’s half brother is a sociopath. He’s his younger half brother, son of his stepdads with his mother. He has a long criminal record of driving without a license or insurance, repeatily…he has a felony assault charge on his record. He beat a man with a crowbar for knocking his mother on her ass, but yet he’ll steal from anyone, including his mother. He’s never had a payroll job, he’s never moved out of his parents’ basement and doesn’t have any real friends, just people he does petty crimes with. He still calls me “psycho girl” for standing up to him and walking right by him and getting my purse anyway! He thinks I must be crazy to push him out of the way. He’s 6’4″ about 180lbs, but not solid, he’s not as tough as he thinks he is. I just don’t think much of him. He dropped out of 9th grade.
@Witch,
I believe HG has said that his older half-brother is a normal, and that they weren’t raised together, owing to their age difference (I think). That (and biological accuracy of sharing only one parent) may be why HG is insisting on the half-brother distinction.
Correct, Dani.
@Rebecca
What I’m getting at is, if you have to correct someone every time they say brother instead of half brother, is it really only about accuracy or is it about bitterness? Which is why I asked if the older brother is a narc because that would explain it. The younger siblings have been confirmed to be empaths so are easier to control
Hi Witch,
I see what you’re saying and bitterness may play a part in how some people respond to that, but for my situation, it’s not as much bitterness, as just accuracy. I can’t speak for anyone else, in their situation. I know it being shoved down my throat that they werent my kids bothered me some, but now i look as it as a blessing that theyre not my kids. Any bitterness i might have felt, has turned to relief and amusement. Amusement for them thinking it bothers me now 😂 xx
An offspring of the Matrinarc is a normal? Were they not raised by her?
@Dani
What does this mean then? “A half pint is not a pint and is a disappointment.”
If it’s only about biological accuracy, why is a half sibling “a disappointment” ?
Witch,
I had a toy clown as a kid with a heart on its chest bearing the name Half Pint.
A half pint can mean someone weedy or weak. It can also be a term of endearment. In this context I think perhaps HG refers to his half brother as a disappointment due to viewing the brother as weak.
@Witch,
I believe what HG means by “a half pint, is still not a pint and a disappointment” is his half brother is a disappointment, not because he’s his half brother, but because of the man he is….he could have been more…the Knowing HG Series explains it.
And @ KitKat, your answers are also found in the Knowing HG Series. HG said earlier that his half brother wasn’t raised with him. Xx
@Witch–
It’s not just biological accuracy. HG confirmed that in his response to me, they weren’t raised together and that there is an age gap. You can take narc knowledge HG has generously shared and the few facts you know about his half-brother to possibly extrapolate a little more behind HG’s insistence about the “half” being present.
And there are reasons for HG to have typed “is a disappointment” beyond his view of his relationship with his half-brother at the time he typed it…
Rebecca, They weren’t raised together, but did he say if his older half brother was raised full-time by his mother? Like, during his brother’s young formative years. Or was he raised away from his mom, perhaps with the dad? Interesting that her first born son turned out to be a normal.
@Dani
I have the knowing the HG series but I must have missed where he explains why his older brother is a disappointment…
Is he a cashier for Lidl or something? 🤣
Witch,
“…I have the knowing the HG series but I must have missed where he explains why his older brother is a disappointment…”
I must have missed that too – but it just occurred to me: could HG’s older half brother be a “disappointment” because, as a normal, he is less amenable to control?
I just lost that whole comment….auuugh…I’ll write again.. annoying piece of.. auuughhh
@KitKat,
Siblings can be raised together or apart and still end up differently. My brother is a psychopath, confirmed by HG and I’m an emotional empathy.
And as HG would tell you, the answers about his siblings are found in Knowing HG series. Xx
Witch
You know by now that narcissists don’t do anything by halves haha.
Witch,
To be fair….in the end, isn’t everyone a disappointment to a narcissist?
@whocares
I thought that too
The empath siblings will be like “if you need anyone to talk to I’m here for you”
The normal can’t be fucked to entertain anyone’s bacchanal… maybe they don’t even talk
@NA
True!
@kitkat
Definitely!
HG,
‘better relationship’, getting along is what I meant,
well you two might have just that, since he has a better sense of humour than your other family members? At least for me that quality counts.
Noted, thank you for clarifying.
Yes Another Cat, my Kitter From A Different Litter, Sense of humor is everything. It makes or breaks you. When you can have fun at a tax convention, you’ve got it made.
KitKat
Haha, I bet humour is the only language of communication between narcissists and nonnarcs.
/a muggler
Another Cat, Yes!
Humor transcends all barriers.
Just like music, art, the horizontal mambo, math, and so forth.
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
I bet he is such a sweet person, I’m glad you have him in your life and family. A life ring amongst the circling sharks.
If you impose the no contact and the Blast from the past hoover fails… Does this inflict some kind of indignation in the narc?
It wounds the narcissist and the narcissist may feel indignant about that.
HG, is the need and level of control even higher in Psychopaths than in Narcissists?
No.
Psychopaths thrive on chaos. They find it amusing. They have no need to control because they simply do not care. In fact, they often play with narcissists and find their need for control amusing. Even prodding and poking to see the rage or blind fury just for fun if they get bored.
Hot Gams.
HG, sorry if you’ve answered these questions. Do narcissistic psychopaths get songs stuck in their heads, or do you have 100% control over your mind and it’s just plotting 24/7/365? Have you said that you don’t dream in your sleep? Have you tried lucid dreaming?
1. No.
2. No.
3. No.
Do you think AI will become psychopaths? ChatGPT4 says no only if designers are programmed to do acts
HG.
I can imagine something like Humphrey Tarquin Henry Marmaduke Goddard (Tudor)
Sitting in a leather seat in front of a beautiful fireplace in a manor house. In one of those red velvet morning robes. He turns and says
“My name is HG Tudor”
My image is someone in a bespoke Turnbull & Asser (is that redundant?) suit, complete with pake blue cashmere socks and black lace-up shoes (NEVER brown–btw, my current supervisor has been known to wear brown shoes with black trousers, which aspiring “artist” Hitler also did–urgh), gently swirling his caffeine of choice (Taylor’s Yorkshire? Coffee?).
Of course, something more casual when on holiday…the successors to the tangerine board shorts, perhaps.
Violetta,
HG likes full control of his wardrobe as I recall.
He probably bought two pairs of the tangerinas. Tangerine is hard to come by.
Hey TS!
I had a dream about those tangerine board shorts many moons ago!
How are you?
x
Hey Viol!
Just popping on to say, a very big thank you for what you did the other day on YT. It meant a lot.
How are you? Hope you are well?
And waves a big hello to everyone! Been a long time. I have been lurking a tad. I’ve really enjoyed reading all of your comments and thoughts. Especially on this thread, the ‘Questioning Me’ thread and the massive ‘Contagion’ one.
x
My son was given 2 middle names, and my daughter the one. My daughter, the first born, recently became aware of this unbelievable travesty and injustice (they are both adults now). After being somewhat aghast, she did however good-humouredly still express feeling somewhat shortchanged. 😬 Don’t you just love it!
Can you give us some suggestion for the creation of a profile for dating…? designed in order to not attract narcissists.
Example:
“talk of yourself” etc.
Yes, don’t do online dating.
In your book ‘Fuel’ you describe an interview wherein you were posed this question, and asked to defend your reasoning:
“A person is shot. It is a survivable injury if they have a blood transfusion. Due to personal beliefs, they don’t get the transfusion and die as a result of it.
Should the shooter be charged with murder, since the victim essentially chose death?”
I’ve always been so curious, which point of view did you argue?
Thank you!
I asked whether I was the advocate for the prosecution or the defence because one can argue it either way.
Good answer, HG. You would have been an extremely excellent lawyer 🙂
Thank you.
@kit Kat
It could be argued that the decision to not accept a blood transfusion was made under duress due to the risk of community ostracisation and excommunication. But overall I would argue for manslaughter as the person did have the option to live.
Hi HG,
Growing up, I hero worshipped famous narcissists, for example Lineker, Gascoigne and Aerosmiths Steven Tyler. Is that connected to the addiction I have to people I know in real life, or was I drawn to them just like people who didnt have the adduction, people who just admired them?
It plays a part in the attraction but is not the sole reason because you do not actually know those people in real life.
Have you seen “The Tinder Swindler” on Netflix, and if so, would you agree that the victims are probably in the Savior cadre?
I have and I have analysed the victims, see my YouTube channel and the Knowledge Vault.
Thank you, I will!
Just went through your playlist and picked up the Tertiary membership. These videos are so helpful in that I can draw connections to how I have dealt with narcissists in my life. The comparisons are very empowering and for the first time I have not felt badly about my empathic qualities. I now embrace them and see them as strengths.
I know that as a narcissist, this is not your chief aim of producing these videos and that helping others is just a byproduct of them for you.
Even so, I am grateful.
You are welcome
HG,
what is going on on this planet Earth or with life as we know it?
For instance, I am tending towards we are in the grip of an alien entity or AI, not unlike your kind, which is harvesting us for energetic food.
What is your estimation?
Did you ever bring a married woman to a swinger party as your IP?
Only your mum.
My mom is very conservative so yes, she could be an excellent target for you.
Lol
Black Phoenix says “Did you ever bring a married woman to a swinger party as your IP?”
HG Tudor answers “Only your mum.”
This blog is great, not only informative but it is like comedy central
🤣🤣😂😂
You could also be a stand up comedian HG.
Oh yes, take a guess why I asked for the number of HG’s REAL middle names, NOT the fake ones. It was a preemptive move. He can flip anything we ask for!
HG, I’ve been wondering .. did you take your annual pilgrimage to the edge of that beautiful frozen lake? Love, me.
Yes.
HG,
I find your pseudonym interesting and have spent some time trying to work out how you came up with it. The Tudor part seems pretty obvious, but H. G.? The only thing that I can think of is H. G. Wells but I don’t see the connection there.
Thanks
I have explained this previously. It means Huge Gonads.
😂😂🤣🤣
LMFAO
I always assumed it stood for higher greater.
Lol I guess that works.
😂 😂 😂 😂 Well, that’s better than Hugh Grant or Holy Grail! 😂 😂 Or, better yet, Pink Pancakes! 😂 😂 At least you don’t have Pink Pancakes! 😂 xx
Rebecca, I don’t know, I don’t know… I’d prefer the Hugh Grant option! 🙂
He is captivating.
While, the explanation presented above by HG does not seem very appetizing to me 🙂
Hi Joa,
Hugh Grant doesn’t appeal to me at all. There’s nothing about him I like. I’ll be honest, forgive me, for my opinion of Hugh Grant. He gives me the impression of a whiny mommy’s boy weakling, no backbone, little underhanded weasel, thinks his shit doesn’t stink snob. I’ve seen stronger and better looking legs on a tree frog. His voice grates on my nerves….Im sorry, I think Elizabeth Hurley was too good for him. He’s not my cup of tea. If he was, I’d throw him out. Excuse my opinion, I know not everyone will agree with me, but it is just an opinion. Xx
I’m sorry Joa, I don’t like Hugh Grant, I’d prefer the Pink Pancakes….Wait a minute…Do I have to choose?? 😂 xx
Joa,
Are any gonads appetising though? This is the question. SG? HG? All the same to me!
Xx
Rebecca, there’s nothing to forgive here. It’s everyone’s individual taste and preference. At least less competition, ha ha ha 🙂
I only know him as an actor and I like him a lot. I don’t know anything about his private life.
For me – this is a kind of eternal boy. A beautiful smile and he has that sparkle in his eyes, that attracts me so much. I suspect, that I would faint from the impression of a closer meeting and lose all my reason 🙂
Ohhh, I hate it when my mind goes completely crazy around a man! 🙂
I feel like I’m losing ground. But… this state also has its charm 🙂
TS, I meant rather that the very statement about Huge Gonads is unappetizing 🙂
Can gonads be appetizing? Foreign never, because… are foreign. The ones that I used to love (along with their owners) – yes. Were.
I find men’s genitals much more attractive than women’s 🙂
Joa,
“I find men’s genitals much more attractive than womens.”
I laughed so hard, I spit out my coffee. Me too, Joa. Me too!
I love Hugh Grant… I would completely faint if I ever met him in real life. I watched a Bears game at a sports pub about 5 feet away from Bill Murray and I was too chicken to say “hi” to him. I got my son go up to him 🤣
Hugh Grant’s character in Bridget Jones’ diary would be a Greater narcissist, yes? I have only seen that movie about 7,000 times. Hugh Grant is one of those people who will only get better with age.
Hey Joa,
Mmm have to disagree with you there. I think women’s bodies are a lot prettier.
Speedos are a perfect example. Why? Just why would you? Haha!
I’m not attracted to women sexually but from an aesthetics point of view male genitalia just isn’t pretty to me. It’s attractive in terms of how it can make me feel, what’s coming next, but otherwise, women are cuter I think.
I will say as we age, as a general rule, nature is kinder to men. A guy in nice underwear is a turn on, spread eagled and out of it, not so much.
Genitals aside though, tall, broad chested, lightly muscled shoulders, knowing eyes and a bright smile would do it for me far more than a nice set of gonads.😂
Xx
@TS,
I know in one foreign country, forget where now, they eat bull balls. I wouldn’t recommend them, seems to me they’d be a bit gritty. 🤢😱🤣
Rebecca,
You actually made me heave there haha! “Gritty.” I need a little piece of chocolate egg to take my mind off it ….
@TS,
😂 Yeah, bull balls won’t be on my bucket list of foods to try! 😂 🤢🤣
TS, if I see a perfectly beautiful man and a perfectly beautiful woman, they catch my eye equally. It is very, very rare to meet such people.
Both the body of a woman and a man can be exceptionally beautifully sculpted by nature.
However, when it comes to the sexual context – only the male body attracts me. If I love a man, I will also love his penis – and adore it 🙂
Having to advertise that fact tells me otherwise.
Best,
DB
Yawn. My comment was clearly a joke and you continue to have to needle, once again demonstrating my point.
And a very funny joke to boot xx 😂 😂
Jeez you guys, get a room already…..
….is what I would say if I were 100% sure my cheek would be well-received.
“(GOH-nad) The part of the reproductive system that produces and releases eggs (ovary) or sperm (testicle/testis).”
Fascinating .. endless scouring years ago of my original copy of, “Our bodies, Ourselves” (now falling to bits).
Women Unite! .. “You could have huge OVARIES!” 😂
On this basis, might it have been HB Tudor instead?? 😉
Doesn’t have quite the same ring to it ..
@dgonano
I remember HG saying HG is his real initials but I’m not sure if it’s his first and middle name or first and last name
Or two of his middle names.
@another cat
People who give their kids two middle names are doing too much 🤣
Hi Witch,
I often wondered how they filled out any official document…they usually only have a place for one middle name or one middle initial. What do they do?? Xx
HG
How many middle names du you have? (Real ones, not fake)
Three
Is it a Rumpelstiltskin situation where if we guess correctly you give us gold but let us keep our first-born sons?
If so, I’d like to submit my guess that your name is Tikki Tikki Tembo-no Sa Rembo-chari Bari Ruchi-pip Peri Pembo
Damn, rumbled.
THREE!!!!
oh gward
I bet it’s coming like lord Humphrey george alfred Titus Dodwell
Negative.
HG, it suits you.
Translated it means ‘The Most Wonderful Thing in the Whole Wide World”
Witch, 😂😂
Thing?!
Maybe it’s, Haney Gillespie Rufus Theodore Murray 😂 xx
@HG
You’ll always seem like a Hamilton to me
But I also see an Alexander, Thomas, Gabriel, Nathaniel or Tobias
Interesting.
@KitKat
oops…and there starts devaluation!
Z Honestly, it’s long overdue 😬
But that’s neither here nor there, because his REAL name is
Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nürnburger-bratwustle-gerspurten-mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut-gumeraber-shönendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm
I also suspected Hamilton. It ain’t Harry, mind.
@Rebecca
I can picture a “Theo”
Meaning gods gift
😆
Rebecca
I’m all for that Rufus suggestion!
Isn’t Rufus the name of the actor who plays ‘Aurelio Zen’?
Guys, you ought to know by now that H can stand only for one thing: Hugs❣️Grenade. The only other option I can think of would be: Hammering Gently 👑
@KitKat
Hahahahahahahahahaha,
and then at the end
“of Ulm”, so close!!!
I think auf Schleswig-Holstein and then you nailed it!!
Hahahahahhaha
Witch,
Wouldn’t it be funnier, if one of HG’s middle names is Othello?? 😂 xx
Witch,
I’ve guessed Gabriel, George, Gregory, Gareth and Hans, Hamilton, Henry, Heathcliff would be an ironic one… 😂 several others…
@rebecca
There’s definitely something biblical in there as his parents where Christian and he said he went to a church school
Othello?..hmmmmm nope! Hamlet would be cooler😘
“There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy”
Z,
Schleswig Holstein always makes me think of Der Schimmelreiter. I loved that story. Xx
Z, I would be a pansy if I took credit. ‘Tis but a Flying Circus’ bit.
….although if I’ve done my homework correctly, there’s a clue hidden within it.
Witch,
Same here, Christian parents,except my brother got the Catholic school for bad behavior, while I went to normal Middle school, but I still went to church 3 times a week, during childhood and teens. It’s why I picked Gabriel as my first choice for HG. The archangel is somehow fitting for HG, sword in hand and fierce expression and those mighty wings…quite the mental picture actually….all strength and fierce determination is how I picture HG. Xx
Why a somatic (MMR or UMR) should talk about swinging with the IPSS DLS (unconscious of the existence of an IPPS) for tasting the waters if she don’t want bring him to this?
I do not understand your question, you need to rephrase it.
The female somatic narcissist brings the IPSS to a car park for having sex and says ” One of my male friends brings here his girls”. “maybe he will arrive… I’d like to see you with another girl…”
Why she says this to an IPSS (very probably a DLS)?
The IPSS DLS will never meet her friends and she will never truly bring he to club…
Already answered.
Like shag the dance?
No.
Wow, that always surprised me.
Of the thousands of opportunities to find beautiful places to make love, people choose parking.
If you want to pull a bird drive a Jag, ‘cos there’s room in the back for a shag.
Well, scented Christmas trees in the car can make the atmosphere…
Joa,
“Well scented Christmas trees in the car can make the atmosphere.”
Think it’s a Jag not a white Ford Transit van. Although, they do say that the fastest vehicle on the road is in fact the Ford Transit so…
TS, it won’t impress me at all. At this point, I publicly admit that I am an automotive imbecile.
In front of the building, where I work, there is an above-ground parking lot for several dozen cars. This is one of the observation points – who arrived in what car, at what time, what he held in his hands and how he was dressed.
When asked, I’ve failed so many times they’ve stopped asking me. I don’t know which car belongs to whom. I don’t remember registration numbers. I don’t recognize car brands (oops!). All I can say is that the car was… red I guess 🙂
I get very bored, when people talk about cars.
Unless… they are constructive instructions – how to change a tire, how to clean the air conditioning, how to replace the battery or connect the clamps – etc. I like mechanisms, fiddling with them and repairing them. And two, such knowledge may come in handy.
—
After writing this above, unfortunately I remembered that once in my life I did it in a car parked in a parking lot at night. The car suffered numerous damages. It was my car.
An unpleasant memory. And the game was not worth the candle. One of the dumbest things I’ve done. I’m pretending this event never happened! 🙂 That was not me! Hahaha 🙂
Joa,
I haven’t shagged in a car either, didn’t see the appeal, you got the gear shift in the way and then there’s the steering wheel, not to mention all the serial killers that just wait for the opportunity to ruin your good time. 😂 😂 And what do you do, if you’re with a serial killer?? 😱🤪🤣 Only kidding….you know you can’t have two in one car 😂 😂 xx
Joa,
When you mentioned Christmas tree scents in a car, I thought of Gwen’s vags scented candles…ewwww, on a hot day…🤢🤮😵
Joa,
I’m the opposite, ill notice what car people drive at work and so I can look at the parking lot and know who’s all here by their cars. My dad taught me how to pay attention to my surroundings, it’s why LMRSOMATIC couldn’t scare me by sneaking up on me….I would turn around and smile at him, every time he tried to sneak up. There are a few friends at work who still try to scare me that way. 😂 It’s all in fun with them, with LMRSOMATIC, he was just going for a reaction from me, one of fear and a loud scream. Ha ha! Didn’t get it 😂
Joa,
I wouldn’t describe myself as materialistic particularly, but I do like cars. I’m going to deftly blameshift here and say that it’s down to an ex boyfriend who was older than me. I was driving performance cars age 20, far too young really. It’s not the car that’s sexy it’s the way the person drives the car that’s the turn on for me. Haha! Terrible!
Never had sex in a car funnily enough. Too confined in my humble opinion. I’m not going to ask what you did to cause such damage 😂
Xx
If a UMR-MMR somatic woman jokes repeatedly with the IPSS DLS about have sex with a friend in front of him without trying to make it happen truly, what does it means?
It is triangulation which is being done to control the IPSS DLS in that moment and to extract fuel by way of the IPSS DLS´response.
So, it’s just like when LMRSOMATIC told me about his stepdaughter taking him to a tattoo shop to get her nipples pierced, in front of him…he told me that story three times and I thought, he was just trying to get a reaction out of me. He did, an expression that told him, I thought he was a perv and confused, because I was wondering why an 18 yr old would want her 50 something step-dad to watch that, unless they were shagging….and that made me sick to think about…He thought my reaction was funny, I just frowned at him and wanted to puke.
Rebecca and Leigh
Sorry lost your comment so replying here. Yes, I think the anticipation and people reading aspect makes perfect sense given the backgrounds of many empaths. What surprised me, was that there would be a difference in the brain structure that correlated with abuse. Perhaps it shouldn’t but it really did surprise me. So it got me to hypothesising in line with behaviours that many of us report here.
I think in years to come, neuroscience will become so accurate that a neuroscientist could estimate what the life of an individual has been like based solely on the brain changes. I find it fascinating.
Rebecca, I have done similar in consultation. I’ve reacted instinctively then laughed to myself afterwards at what I came out with. HG often knows the schools and cadres of empaths he’s dealing with. I used to try to filter myself so as not to give challenge fuel or threaten control ( just out of courtesy). Now I think, bollocks to that, this is the Ultra, he’ll get his control regardless. Haha! I’m polite and at ease, genuinely enjoying the conversation, but I no longer filter, I’m far more myself.
Xx
Hi Truthseeker and Leigh,
I think it’s great what we can see even now with technology and test. I’m looking forward to more discoveries and findings. I definitely believe the brain changes a lot from abuse, I wanted to have, I think it’s a MRI, done, just to have a look. Unfortunately, they won’t schedule one for curiosity sake. I’m still very interested in seeing what the results would be. Being that I’m a big portion Standard, I have a good amount of empathy and I wonder what that looks like on a MRI….preferably not on a spike. 😂 😂 A little joke HG will get…
Anyway, TS, that was the first time I noticed my own instinctive reaction to pitch change, and when the pitch changed again, I reacted again…it was like a dance of action and reaction and I couldn’t help,but be stunned. I was so stunned, that I had a delayed reaction to something else. I was kinda laughing at myself and wondering if HG noticed. I’m sure HG did, he doesn’t miss anything. 😂
I am myself too, TS, like I said to HG, I couldn’t hide anything from him anyway, so why even try it. 😂 It would be like trying to stop a storm, complete waste of time.
I’m glad I can count on HG to be accurate with his observations, so I don’t have any self doubts of being an empath and I see my husband’s narc behaviors a lot now. Xx
Hey Rebecca,
I bet most replay the conversation in their mind afterwards. I definitely do. I don’t record but I remember conversations well. There’s a delay with me though, the conversation seems to settle into my memory a day or so afterwards, I seem to need time to mull things over before I record them in memory. That could be my non auditory learning style.
Definitely, I like the straight talk too. You don’t think you could hide something if you wanted to? Mmmm not sure there, empaths can be wiley too you know!!
Xx
TS,
My mind will replay the conversation and then I’ll see comments he made that I didn’t catch the meaning, until after I’ve calmed down and can think straight again. He has that affect on me. I’m either giddy, nervous, pensive or any number of emotions with him. I just noticed this most recent time how responsive I am to his manipulations aka voice tone changes and vibes from him. He’s very good at playing with my strings and I find it fascinating that he can do that so easily. It’s funny, I give myself 10 minutes of collect myself time, before I talk with HG and I still get giddy and nervous. I’m giddy because I’m very happy to talk with him, his advice comforts me too. The nerves are from my own self doubt and low self confidence.
I’m too transparent TS, I’m an open book, my face gives away my feelings, I couldn’t make a blank expression, if I tried. I also think HG would see if something was bothering me , it would be all over my face and I know he’d get the answer out of me. He’s that good at playing my strings. 😂 xx
Do you Skype then Rebecca? I go old school telephone. Makes me more mysterious. Hahaha!
If I did video call I’d be wearing dark sunglasses and a big blonde wig. The wig would make my head itch, I wouldn’t be able to read my own questions, (unless I had my readers behind the sunglasses) and HG would keep getting a chest shot when I turned the page because I call from the car. He might like my pink fluffy dice though, so there’s that….
Xx
TS,
They have sunglass readers now! I love my Prive Revaux sunglass readers! Cute and practical!
Yes, I use Skype. I’m in the US, so phones aren’t an option.
Oh, I don’t have fuzzy, pink dice for HG to look at. 😂 I have crystals hanging from my rear view mirror, no dice. 😂 Though I think I might do it in the car next time….the consultation, of course.. 😂
Leigh,
I just can’t do it. I can’t actually admit that I need readers so when I’m out of the house I next to never have them with me haha! I can make out what’s on a menu, just, if I concentrate! I wouldn’t be able to read my own notes though, my writing is too small. So I sit in the car, facing a field, guiltily reading my notes with my readers on, acting normal, talking to a psychopath.
I tried contact lenses once, the disposable ones. I tried them in the shop, couldn’t get the damn things out. They had to put me in the chair because they couldn’t find one of them either. That filled me with confidence. That was the end of the contacts haha!
Xx
Ha ha, TS! I’m picturing you looking from side to side and over your shoulder, crouched down in your seat. Does anybody see me? LOL!
I hear ya! I struggled with accepting it for years too, I had always had 20/20 vision. It started with the computer screen and gradually it got worse and worse. I can’t read anything without them, especially the phone so I had to cave.
Then when I found sunglass readers, it was like I hit the jackpot, lol. No more going back and forth between readers and sunglasses. When I was outside, I would have one on my head and one on my face. Talk about dorky, lol. That was quite the site, I’m sure, lol.
Rebecca,
Ah of course, forgot you were in the US 🙂 Crystals sound pretty actually. They might chill me out and slow me down a bit too. I’m an ‘enthusiastic driver’.
Yes, the car is a good spot for consultation, no distractions 🙂
Xx
@TS,
😂 I’m a bit of a speeder myself, I have a family inherited defect, I have their lead foot. 😂 I’m a cautious driver otherwise, I just have to be mindful of my speed, it gets away from me often. 😂 I’m also very animated with the other drivers, who cut me off, drive too slow in the left lane and drive like they’re going to a funeral on a Friday. I’m like my dad, in that regard, his temperament behind the wheel. He did teach me how to drive a manual truck ,with no power steering, It definitely gave my arms a workout that summer. 😂 it’s how I learned to take turns without slowing down too much, turning without power steering was a bitch. My dad liked his trucks, like the military had them for years…no power this or that, basic. If he could have made me use my feet to move the truck, like they did on the Flintstones, he would have, or maybe not that extreme. 😂 xx
Rebecca,
You cracked me up with your Flintstone car. I got the picture straight away 😂
Me too. My mum is a fast driver. She lives close by me and one day I drove past her at a junction. I slowed down so she could catch me a little, then I drove just fast enough so she couldn’t overtake (annoying). I got to the next lights and burned her off up the hill. Left her for dead. She had a go but there was no way she was catching me.
She never said a word next time I saw her. Hahaha! Little things.
Honestly, I leave my empathy outside the car. I’m calm, I don’t swear, don’t gesticulate but if someone cuts me up then I’m having them! I’ll hang back, hang back then go. Then I wave in my mirror. I’m full narc in the car. Terrible!
I’d be even faster with contacts I reckon…..,
Leigh,
Haha to the sporting the two pairs together. See this is why you leave them at home!!
I think I’m rebelling against the fact I’m not in my 20’s anymore. I think that has a lot to do with it. I did sit in the park one sunny day and chatted to HG from my picnic blanket. I had the readers on then, but I was right in the middle of the field, out of the way of everyone haha!
Can’t wait for summer. That consultation sticks in my mind because of the day. It was warm and sunny, I was chatting to HG, asking my questions, but he was good company too, so it was a really pleasant al fresco lunch 🙂
Xx
TS,
After I turned 50 I decided to embrace it. I even stopped dying my hair. Now my hair has face-framing highlights naturally. LOL! They call the face framing highlight the money piece. LOL! I got the money piece for free, lol.
I can’t wait for the summer either. The warm sun on my face & back always feels good.
Where I’m from, al fresco means no panties, so there’s a scene I can’t un-see.
NA,
“There’s a scene I can’t un-see.”
And another reason why I don’t Skype.🤩
Truth S,
I wonder if HG would give you a discount…
Kit Kat,
“ I wonder if HG would give you a discount.”
Discount?! Should be pay per view!
TS,
I have to rewrite my whole comment….lost it somehow………anyway, starting again…
I am my dad’s daughter, I learned all my cuss words by watching him drive. 😂 He learned all I knew, when I drove. 😂 I’m a little speed demon behind the wheel, everyone who have seen me drive around here, including LMRSOMATIC and MLSOMATIC, think I’m a hellraiser. They don’t understand its a family thing. 😂 My husband, MLSOMATIC, calls me aggressive, but I think he drives like a little old lady, no offense to old ladies….I had to tell my aunt, when we were home last year visiting my family, that she has to take it easy on the gas because the nonlead foot driver, pointed to my husband, doesn’t drive like us. 😂 She lost him twice. 😂 I drove with her and we giggled about losing him twice. 😂 I’m sure my speed demon family trait is a narcissistic one. I’m a cautious driver otherwise. My dad taught me everything I know, including my cuss words 😂 xx
Pffff, oh Rebecca, I laughed 🙂
It’s impossible not to like you 🙂
I love fast roundabouts and turns – and this feeling of fusion with the car 🙂
Don’t worry, I’ve been called aggressive too – years ago it hurt me, now I’d just smile. After all, I am an oasis of gentleness, ha ha ha 🙂
PS Overly anemic people are a bit annoying, right? 🙂
@Joa,
😂 I’m glad you like my goofiness! 😂 Oh, you feel part of your car too. I thought that was just me. 😂 I sync with my car, is the best way I can describe it, like the characters off Avatar did with those flying lizard like creature they rode on the back of….except the car isn’t alive…obviously…I can get a feel of the tire pressure, how the car is operating and if there’s an issue just by the feel through the pedals ,seat and steering wheel…it becomes part of me, why I can make fast turns like nobody’s business 😂 Joa, I’m sure you get what I’m saying…my husband thinks I take turns too fast, but I ask him, Did we hit anything? DID YOU DIE? NO, then shut up….nothing worse than a backseat driver, up front….We got into a verbal argument just the other day. He was criticizing my driving and pissing me off. I asked him, If he wanted to walk home? Yeah, he’s an annoying passenger and he drives too slow, makes me want to pull my hair out….I’d like to get there some year, could ya hit the gas before I get out and walk faster….drives me nuts….I get too excited and want to get there already 😂 He just laughs at me and tells me I’m a strange one. 😂 Oh well….xx
The blog is cracking me up this morning, but this especially:
“my husband thinks I take turns too fast, but I ask him, Did we hit anything? DID YOU DIE? NO, then shut up….nothing worse than a backseat driver, up front…”
Thanks for the laugh Rebecca. Glad you are one with your car.
TS,
Also I thought, there are times when I replay the consultation in my mind and I cringe at what I said…OMG, I’m such an idiot for saying that! 😂 😂 xx
Rebecca,
Ah yes, the “ I carried a watermelon” moment. Just talk on Rebecca, that’s your best bet haha!
Xx
@TS,
I’ve never heard that saying before, “I carried a watermelon moment” ?? 😂 That’s new to me 😂😂
Rebecca,
“I carried a watermelon?!”
It’s a line out of the film Dirty Dancing where Jennifer Gray meets heartthrob Patrick Swayze for the first time. He’s the hot dancer, she’s the naive smart girl. She isn’t supposed to be at the staff party, has accompanied a staff member and so blurts out “I carried a watermelon” as an excuse for being there. Swayze nods, sashays off and she then chastises herself for what she blurted out as her first line, “I carried a watermelon?!”
A was a big Dirty Dancing fan haha! Xx
@TS,
😂 OK, now I get it! Yes, I saw that movie too. I thought, the watermelon comment was a British saying! 😂 I’m laughing at myself for being lost as to the reference to the comment. 😂 I was actually asking a few Britsh coworkers, as to what it means. 😂 😂 Sometimes I think I hit my head one too many times 😂 xx
Haha! In fairness Rebecca, I do expect people to be wallowing around my comedic level most of the time ! 😂xx
Hi Rebecca, this conversation is interesting. I’ve never not been myself with anyone, I don’t think I could do it. With HG it is very easy to be myself, it is one of three things that appeals to me I think. But I am fully aware that it is him controlling and manipulating even as he disseminates information and even as I’m enjoying the conversation. He’s very good at cognitive empathy.
I know he’s tired his eyes a few times too. 😂
One of the* things that appeals, not one of three…
Great to hear you walk away when you see red flags AV!!
I definitely adjust my behaviours when interacting directly with an N or in groups where I don’t know people very well. I walk away when necessary, sometimes we have to stay.
Really interesting AV, that you’re yourself with everyone. I used to be. Since I found out about narcs around 9 years ago, I find myself behaving differently with different people.
Hi Alexissmith,
Now that I am aware of narcissism I work at being different around different people, more protective if trust hasn’t been built yet or I’m seeing red flags. Pretty much red flags will cause me to walk away though I’m getting a little more willing to take a longer look and see if there’s a pattern or not.
Because I am this way, not able to hide anything, I realized a long time ago that it would be better for me to learn to spot them, spot behaviors, than try to adjust how I am. If I spot them, I’m in control even if they think they are. And I can then walk away.
AV,
I am being me with HG, I’m just responding to him emotionally. 😂 I get really giddy at times, really nervous and other emotions, during any consultation. That’s just me with HG Xx
HG what do you think of the advances in AI … any concerns?
There is a video addressing this.
Good question, Contagious.
HG, I’d love to get a link to that clip.
TS,
I agree, I find it fascinating too. The brain is so complex and the fact that it can change based on our life experiences is remarkable.
Thank you for sharing this info.
You’re welcome Leigh. Yes it really is complex, different parts can play a role in just a single behaviour. Neuroscience is moving at pace now though, I think we’ll understand far more about why we are the way we are within the next 5-10 yrs. Might take the magic out of things a bit though. I’ve only just stopped believing in fairies haha!
Xx
Fairies are real…are you going to suggest that Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer doesn’t lead Santa’s sleigh next? Mr. Tudor captured that red-nosed reindeer and put him on trial last December…then returned him to Santa, to continue in his good deeds as an empath and maintain his position as “the most famous reindeer of them all.”
Dani,
Oh dear me no. Rudolph is real, alive and kicking. (Vixen has the bruised knees to prove it) I think HG probably captured Rudolph’s body double. (Bob) They’re like that the Christmas characters, big on the body doubles. No way Santa is in Macys, Dillards and Target at the same time. I might be gullible, but I’m not THAT gullible!
Xx
TS,
That is true…about the body doubles…
However, if HG said he captured Rudolph…it must’ve been Rudolph…HG would not be fooled by a body double. If HG did catch Bob, he intended to. Then to get the more heavily guarded celebrity reindeer, he sent super empath, savior cadre Rudolph a ransom note and a photograph of Bob, tied to a spit with an apple in his mouth…Then Rudolph surrendered himself to HG…so Bob wouldn’t become roasted reindeer.
I hope you’re not suggesting that HG would exaggerate about his famous reindeer capturing abilities and claim to have Rudolph when he knew perfectly well it was Bob…(HG would only do that…if the prime aims made him toy with the hearts of his audience at the holidays.)
Dani,
I’ve only just seen this. Bob on a spit with an apple in his mouth! Hahaha! You have some dark humour going on there Dani! Loved it ! Even better I could see HG doing it too!
Poor Bob, the perils of being a body double. I think you’re right, in the event that HG caught Bob, checked the nose and realised, sent the picture of Bob looking suitably uncomfortable on a spit and gagged with the apple, yes I think you’re right. Rudolph is a Saviour and the Saviour gotta save. He would do the honourable thing. Poor Rudolph, caught between two narcs but still with his integrity intact. I notice Santa never stepped up to the plate! Probably Mid Range.
Xx
TS,
LOL! I still believe in fairies!
🧚♂️
Hmmm?
Very wise, Truthseeker, I hadn’t thought much of who I am when communicating with HG, but of course, why not just be ourselves around here, he knows us anyway, actually better than we know ourselves, in many respects.
Though when communicating with other narcissists (as a tertiary source, careful to not be primary or secondary source) , I act very differently these days, with all the knowledge.
Another Cat,
Hello 🙂 Its interesting when I think about conversations with HG, I do analyse the interaction afterwards.
My natural state is ‘guarded’. That’s me, that’s part of who I am, it takes a very long time for the guard to lower but it will only ever lower, it won’t fall away completely. So my experience with romantic narcs hasn’t created that, it was there to begin with. I did lower my guard with the online narc, and that experience really just served to enforce the value of my natural guarded way of being. I’m interested in other people, I already know me and my stuff so I don’t see guarding my own personal information as a negative, at least not for the most part. It allows more time for me to get to know other people and that’s very much what I’m about. People are the point for me.
So when it comes to HG, I’m guarded as that is my standard operating position. I did also filter to start with. I was conscious of choosing my words more carefully, toning down my sarcasm, things like that. It’s that part that has changed, the standard guarded approach is still the same as always, I’m just more me in that I’ll tease a bit more, joke a bit more, I don’t monitor myself as strictly in terms of what I want to say or ask. I can ask, HG can refuse to answer if he chooses, that works. So I’m more relaxed in terms of showing my personality and I’m less anticipatory in terms of the direction of the conversation. I see your point about HG knowing us anyway. I agree, he does already know a lot.
I’ve read that people in general will tend to open up with psychopaths. When I say psychopath I mean pure psychopaths here not narcissists. They have a knack, likely their observation of people has had to be so intense, so precise, that they see the tells and ask the correct questions. So people are naturally predisposed to spill the beans. I have pondered why that would be the case. Why such an intense desire to tell all? Yes, the psychopath might make the right noises and ask the right questions, yes there is a high level of cognitive empathy but there is no bond, no genuine emotional connection so what is in play? Many people do feel overlooked and they want to be listened to. It’s still not quite enough for me though. Why are people so driven to unload the most intimate details of themselves and their problems to the psychopath?
The conclusion I drew is that it’s the very fact that the psychopath doesn’t care and doesn’t bond. That’s the draw. They are interested in terms of the information, the problem that might be confided. The focus is the problem not the person with the problem. It facilitates the solving of the problem, which itself will appear like ‘interest’ but more importantly, I think there is something quite freeing about offloading your pent up thoughts to someone who actually couldn’t care less about what you think or what you have done. Someone who isn’t interested enough to judge and who doesn’t even think about the conversation afterwards. The conversation ends, and it’s done. The psychopath’s view of you will remain as it was at the end of the conversation. It won’t change in the meantime. I think that strangely, the lack of a bond, the lack of personal interest provides a subconscious cue to just tell it like it is. I think that’s part of the reason people find themselves giving so much away to the psychopath, aside from any manipulation that’s in play.
I am assuming that we don’t have an addiction to psychopaths. I think there is likely an element of addiction there, we will still likely be drawn to certain presented aspects of the psychopath but I doubt it is as pronounced as with narcissists.
Wandered off topic a bit there! How are you AC?
Xx
Truthseeker I’m cool these days, think I found an empathic gentleman, we’ll have to see though. Also applying for cool engineering work, but afraid the competition is at least 150 ppl.
I hate to say this but I usually only think about narcissism, on manipulation, and I am afraid I act a bit as though there were much fewer psychopaths in this world than the actual number.
I’m glad to refresh and read your comments on these matters every now and then.
Some of us anxious leaning people are often drawn to this: avoidant personalities.
The avoidance is what attracts us, even if it’s an empathic individual.
Due to having had at least one avoidant parent when growing up.
How you doin’ Truthseeker? 🙂
Another Cat,
“How you doin'”, lol. That reminded me of Joey from Friends.
An empathic gentleman & cool engineering work – that’s exciting! I hope they both work out for you.
Another Cat,
I never really considered myself to be avoidant or drawn to avoidant personalities but there is likely an element of that. I think I don’t want people to know me. Nothing to do with low self esteem though. Just that I don’t want them to know me, ask questions about me etc until I decide that I’m willing to give of myself in that way. I think I like to feel in control of things, not a fan of being pushed to give information, very private.
Exciting that you have found a romantic interest who might be an empath. How lovely! I hope it all goes well for you. Nice to hear some good news 🙂
I’m up to my neck in revision cards. Exam time for my son and I am his revision team mate. 11 weeks until it’s all over. I’m planning on being mostly drunk through the entirety of the summer. A sun bed with cocktail service, all I need really. Oh, a pool and inflatable unicorn. I’ve always wanted an inflatable unicorn. This is going to be my summer!
Go for it, knock ‘em dead, someone has to get the cool job, why not you ? 😉
Xx
@Truthseeker @Leigh
I was actually thinking of Joey like you suggest, was going to put it How YOU doin Truthseeker, but stopped myself from total cringeworthiness! 😉
Truthseeker, alas the distance between the guy and me is 50 min, and we’ve only met a couple of times, but who knows, might turn out fine. I like our phone convos too.
Thanks for cheering. Working overtime with these applications, layout, photo and all. Making phone calls, and the bag of chips too.
You and your son seem to be a good team about his exams, lucky him!
In another comment to someone else you wrote about having a narcissistic emotionally strong partner with an empathic friend, and I wish for the best anyway. Narcissistic is not the same as NPD, I understand.
” A sun bed with cocktail service, all I need really. Oh, a pool and inflatable unicorn.”
Do that!
Hah! I love it when empathic ppl use the word unicorn! Here, outside of the commonwealth, only narcissists use it. In memes. On Facebook. Along with the word Soulmate, also popped in there.
Another Cat,
Fifty minutes is perfect! You get to keep your own space until you’re sure. No unplanned doorstep arrivals ! Seriously, 50 minutes is easily doable but regulates things so you take it slower. Empaths are rare, the narcs always push in front, Don’t let him get awaaay !!!! Haha!
There you go, a fabulous job application with a stand out photo, just what’s required 🙂 easy there on the chips 😂
Thank you, that’s sweet of you to say about my son and his revising. We finally have a routine, he’s finally knuckling down, so it might yet come good in the end. It’s tough but I keep thinking to myself, in a few years, when he’s moved on to whatever he’s going to do, I’ll yearn for these days. Him and me battling through it together. So whilst keeping him on track frustrates me half to death most days, I realise that this time is precious, and one day, I’ll miss his bag in the hallway and the paper explosion all over my bed!
Gawd, I sound all empathy there, I need to narc up!
Do narcs talk about unicorns? Do they really? Might get the hot pink flamingo instead then. I think it’s probably classier.
Xx
Truthseeker
“Seriously, 50 minutes is easily doable but regulates things so you take it slower. Empaths are rare, the narcs always push in front, Don’t let him get awaaay !!!! Haha! ”
Oh but my problem is the opposite, I people-please, try to impress etc. Forgetting that the dating stage is a vetting stage too.
Even asking him nicely to phone instead of text took a heck of guts.
Talking about my relationship needs is a bit new territory for me.
Another Cat,
I think talking about relationship needs does feel clunky after relationships with narcs where the focus tends to be meeting their needs to keep things on an even keel.
We see voicing our own needs as being awkward, but actually with non narc partners they see it as a positive thing I think. Most people want things to go well in a relationship and part of that is having to figure out likes and dislikes, needs and wants. If you state the like or dislike, it removes the guesswork of “ would she like to go here or there? Is she expecting me to do this or that?” So from a normal or empathic person’s perspective, communication of needs and likes is positive not negative.
Good for you requesting call rather than text. 🙂 For all you know he might have wanted to call but lots of people prefer to text early on, so he didn’t know. Now he does. Removes the guesswork, you gave your preference.
It can feel clunky actually voicing things though I think. Sometimes I throw something into conversation ahead of time, in a roundabout way rather than being too direct.
“ I’m a nightmare when I get home from work, it takes me an hour or so to stop thinking about the stuff I need to do when I go in the following day.”
(Hint. Don’t come round as soon as I’m in from work. Leave it an hour or so.)
I do that quite a lot. I won’t ask directly but I’ll tell you indirectly. Then if I do have to be more direct, I’ve already set my stall out so my need isn’t voiced out of nowhere and left hanging in the air.
It’s manipulative in a way, I’m thinking ahead in the conversation and moving it one way or another but it works for me and it feels less awkward.
Voicing needs doesn’t come naturally for me either but it’s important that balance is maintained in the relationship. Most people want balance I think, particularly empathic people.
Xx
It is as you write TS.
That’s why I’ve been saying for many years, that I can’t be in a relationship with a “normal” man, because he wouldn’t be able to handle it (with me), and secondly, I wouldn’t want to destroy/deregulate him.
In a romantic relationship, I have to give myself to the end and there is no other option. I’m not interested in half measures, herself-containment. In love – all or nothing. THAT, or I’ll be alone.
I don’t like to tell everything (to the end of my gut) to people who are emotionally attached to me (other than romantic relationships). I know, that it temporarily “kills” them, that they take over my feelings, my pain, my anxiety, my anger. It’s unnecessary.
Everyone has a greater or lesser limit of other people’s emotions that they can take upon themselves.
I like to give them my positive emotions and I like them to spread further – like a match being lit from a match. I’m good at infecting people with energy – and even intoxicating them with happiness 🙂
When it comes to Narcissists/Psychopaths – there’s something damn reassuring about a person who won’t take my emotions on themselves. Hes attitude makes me stop worrying about my own emotions so much.
I feel relieved then. I’m cleansing myself. This benefit outweighs the awareness that I am not important to that person and the negative behavior towards me – which I turn a blind eye to (much longer than other people).
In addition, the things we have touched on many times here – addiction, charm, expression – also attract me.
—–
All the feelings you and Rebecca describe about HG are familiar to me. I felt the same way (and sometimes still do) with N2. I’ve already started write two threads on this topic and I haven’t finished both. Perhaps I will combine both and post later – if I allow myself to return to these emotions, because it will again greatly raise my level for some time 🙂
“– and even intoxicating them with happiness 🙂”
Haha, Joa! 🙂
Joa, know the feeling. By the way, you are very sweet. When you get the balance right between ET and LT, happiness will be continuous.
Best,
DB
Hey Joa,
Yes, I can identify with giving everything you have to something. There’s something comforting about thinking “What will be will be, but I can honestly say, I couldn’t have tried any harder.” I’m in a similar situation currently and am doing precisely that.
I think when it comes to romantic relationships though, we shouldn’t have to try or fight so damn hard all the time. Normal relationships have their ups and downs in line with the stresses that come with life. Kids are a major one, a major worry but I think the relationship itself, the two people, should still stand shoulder to shoulder. They might not always agree with each other, but they shouldn’t be scoring points. It isn’t a game, there should be no winner or loser, there should just be the united pair, standing together.
I do get what you mean in terms of emotional content. Empaths get it. Normals don’t get it. That’s not my ET talking, that’s just what I’ve experienced. It’s very surface level with normals in my view. Scratch the surface and there’s just more surface. Narcs get the emotional content, they have to, they live off it, but the huge downside, whether you rate cognitive empathy or you don’t, is the fact that they use our emotion against us. It’s a stick to beat us with, and that just isn’t right. Manipulation is abuse. Different narcs, different manipulations, same abuse.
Pure psychopaths are a different proposition and one I don’t really know enough about. Even with a fully pro social, non aggressive, high functioning psychopath, a character like James Fallon for example, I think I’d struggle. They genuinely don’t need people at all, I genuinely would not be needed. They could supply a hug if a hug was required but the thought that they were doing it for me, without wanting to do it for them, I’d struggle with that. In some ways a pure psychopath choosing to be in a relationship because they are ‘invested’ in that person, takes more effort, more consideration, more acceptance and more accommodation than any relationship I can think of. It really is an investment of time and energy, with more thought than I think we could ever fully understand, but for me, do it because you want to, not because I need you to.
Honestly, I’ve said it before on here and I speak only for myself given my own specific quirks. Narcissistic works best for me. Go getters, magnetic, fun, confident, masculine, a force to be reckoned with in many ways. There is emotional empathy, but it’s not extensive. There are things a narcissistic person just won’t pick up on and emotional support is extremely limited. But, there is no abuse, there is no problem with empathic output in that it doesn’t drain or worry them. What there is, is loyalty and a lot of it. What they lack and know they lack in emotional support, they make up for in their actions. They plan and they protect, they look after their tight inner circle and that very small inner circle is their everything. So forget about unloading your emotion, you can, but you won’t get any meaningful response. What you’ll get more often is an action, they can do that. So all of a sudden that paperwork you hate doing, that’ll be done for when you come home from work, or the bath will be run and the dog walked while you soak after a rubbish day. They’ll do, but they can’t reciprocate our level of emotion, and they don’t know what to say when you’re sad. Sad will send them scuttling into their shell, worried isn’t much better, but be happy and you’ll have a wild old time!
Narcissistic works best for me. I don’t confide anyway, not to any great extent. Sometimes an emotional person can find relief in a non emotional partner. Your world might be falling apart, but they’re still swearing at the bad driver in front.
Sometimes normality is what’s needed, it is for me anyway. I need to see someone in control on those occasions where I feel that I’m floundering. I want to have a strong lead until I’m ready to take my turn with the reigns again. Narcissistic partner with an empath friend, that’s probably the ideal scenario for me.
I don’t think relationships have to be perfect, I don’t expect to have all my needs met all of the time but I think they need to be honest. That’s the one thing the narc can never be.
Xx
TS,
Even though you would prefer a narcissistic partner, I’m going to secretly hope for an empathic partner for you. Just so you know, I’m not a love devotee. But I want you to have a true partner, that’s a friend and a lover. I know that’s my narrative and not yours. I just think it would be wonderful to experience that.
Another Cat, exactly. When I’m in a good mood or very bad mood or there are dark clouds over someone, I do it instinctively.
I can walk into a store and when I leave, customers and staff are laughing. I can come to work and turn quiet corridors into a lively social gathering place.
I like doing this. I like giving people energy.
I also get it many times. We do it together. Thank you.
Hey Leigh,
You made me smile there. I am definitely more attracted to the stereotypical Alpha. That said, I might change my tune one day, never say never!
Xx
I agree about the non judgmental aspect… and maybe sometimes in the world we live in now… narcissists or psychopaths who have appear to have good cognitive empathy appear to “care” more than your typical person these days. At one point I felt like the world was so uncaring that I didn’t care if my ex narc psycho whatever the f…. Even if he had fake cognitive empathy… I just needed someone to at least pretend to care. Someone who I felt knew me. Pathetic..
I understand why you feel like that Milkweed. We all experience these feelings of wanting someone to understand us and as part of the trauma bonding prompts us to turn to our abusers for support. It’s madness when you think about it, turning to the very person who has hurt us for support.
I recall doing this with my sister and friends when I was younger all the time. But they will only be ‘getting off’ on it and using it against us.
Here is a great place to turn to for support. You don’t need him or his shitty fake cognitive empathy either.
Huge hugs from me xx
Milkweed,
I don’t think it’s pathetic. I think you’re right, the world does seem like an uncaring place at the moment. I think empaths are susceptible to getting dragged down by it all, because we actually take it in, think about it and with 24/7 news it’s easy for us to get disillusioned by what we see.
So I think it’s understandable to want to take comfort in the familiar, to need an anchor of some kind. It’s not your fault you chose the wrong anchor. That was then. This is now. The trick is to learn, then the next person you choose to involve in your life isn’t someone that will take from you and drain you down but is someone that will genuinely support you as you navigate your way through the outside world.
I get it. We’ve all done it Milkweed. Don’t waste time beating yourself up. Spend it instead on building your defences. Then when you do move forward, you do it safely.
Lovely to meet you 🙂 xx
TS,
I remember when I got back the narc detector on my daughter. One of the things that stood out to me was that I felt no judgement from Mr. Tudor. It was just matter of fact. It actually made easier to hear.
This comment was interesting to read. Thank you for sharing.
Alexissmith & TS, very true, sound and great advice to Milkweed.
Best,
DB
Hey Leigh,
Yes I felt the same. It’s a useful approach.
Xx
About Dark Cupid series…
Is there some “episode” where you speak about forcing the IPPS or IPSS to lifestyle-cuckolding
You will have to obtain them and find out won’t you BP?
Don’t go into this alley. It does not make sense.
Unless you like feeling bad about yourself.
Don’t give the dick the satisfaction! Ha ha ha 🙂
What you mean?
Black Phoenix, sorry, I don’t know if you’re male or female. I am unable to follow all the threads here.
I saw some of your questions and assumed that you are the woman, who is being urged by your husband/partner to “control cheating” – in this case, that he is cheating because you wrote somewhere about IPPS – or alternatively that you are to cheat.
I figured you were considering this possibility, hence my reply.
However, if you are a man, or perhaps a man, who is planning to propose something like this to your partner, it turned out very funny, ha ha ha 🙂
Female narcs may engage in this too.
Jasmine, anyone can. But, needs to remember that when new pawns come into play, the game may change or move to other squares.
What is your Blast from the Past hoover years record?
There are legends about hoovers after 20 years 🙂
12 years.
HG, about hoover after 12 years:
After time, did more hoovers follow towards that person?
Was it one of the three that got away?
(Who read, knows which one).
Yes.
No.
Hmmm, this got me very interested. Of course, for the sake of the coincidence of hoovering me after 13 years.
Ok, thanks for the answer HG.
Joa,
does the hooverer who contacted you after 13 years look like Daniel Craig? In that case it was HG, when we asked about his looks, he said they could be twins. 😀
Another Cat, absolutely not! N2 is a completely different type of man, ha ha ha 🙂
I don’t physically like Daniel Craig. Reminds me a bit of my stepfather… as far as I can imagine my stepfather wearing makeup, ha ha ha 🙂
But the truth is, looks don’t matter to me. If SOMETHING attracts me to a man – his type of beauty will become my favorite, desirable and most alluring. With all the defects.
————-
Wait a minute, I can’t remember – there’s a Daniel Craig fan here on the blog 🙂
1. What triggered this hoover?
2. What types of manipulations did you use on the person you hoovered after 12 years?
3. What is the longest time after disengagement or shelving that you’ve given a malign hoover?
4. Which arenas of interaction were involved?
5. If they were totally sucked back into your orbit, how much time did it take?
6. Where did this person end up in your fuel matrix? (reinstated as IPPS, IPSS, etc.)
7. If the sixth arena was involved, them just randomly popping into your mind, what other factors were at play helped you determine that you should hoover instead of just banishing them from your thoughts?
8. How did you contact them? (phone, text, in person, etc?)
9. Had you recently disengaged from your IPPS?
10. Was this part of the devaluation of your IPPS at that time?
11. Have you had thoughts of hoovering others from further back in time and decided not to hoover?
12. If yes to 11, what was going on you decided not to hoover that person?
Thank you so much for your time, Sir.
HG,
How did the lady in question respond to the hoover after 12 years? Did she respond favourably?
Yes.
Thanks HG!
Was she an ex IPPS or IPSS?
Was who an ex IPPS or IPSS?
Hoovered after 40 years, he never gives up.
40 years?
Absolutely crazy!
This confirm what HG says… there is a little risk for life. Maybe a very little risk. But it is still possible.
As ex IPSS I am in no contact for 5 years.
HG, if a powerful narcissist asked you not to publish a “Letter to the Narcissist” written by their ex-partner or to delete it (if already published) and threatened you with legal trouble for your blog if you don’t do as they want, what would you do? Would you follow this narcissist’s wishes just to avoid trouble (even if you think there’s nothing wrong with that letter)? I don’t think so, but I’d like if you could explain how you would deal with this. Thank you in advance
I would relish taking apart their badly-constructed threat and wait to see if they would be so idiotic as to bring legal action which has no prospect of success.
Oh, I wish I could see that awful dude I was thinking about in your hands for just an hour, HG (metaphorically speaking of course)!!!
Hi Foreigner74,
I think some of us, including me, would love a few people, to be in HG’s hands…metaphorically speaking….a little feeding of the dragon…I’m sure HG would roast them first😂
Reminded me of the, HG MAULS YOUR NARCISSIST.
HG, I very much enjoyed your mauling of LMRSOMATIC 😂 Whenever I need a good laugh and a pick me up, I play it….works like a charm! Thank you!! Xx
Rebecca, no way! And then I’d have to “hug” them and put them back on their feet. I’d just have more work to do! 🙂
I’m fed up with my stuff in my life.
I like it, when everyone around me is doing well – including “my” (formerly) Narcissists – then I feel good.
@Joa,
My Anger and Justice traits working together give me fantasies of Revenge, at last, no dump truck has run over LMRSOMATIC. …I’m only half serious, I’d most likely feel bad, like I gave him bad manifestation…bad wishes…I just kick him out of my mind now and imagine him falling on his ass.
Oh no! I never throw ANYTHING out of my mind.
EVERYTHING that is there is what I need.
—
Revenge – I know it well. But I take revenge in a completely different way, than the vast majority of people. If you know what it’s like to take revenge with good or just being yourself…
I don’t know, if you can call it revenge. It’s “self-preservation”. It gives me great satisfaction, and in them a kind of pain/rage/irritation/desire to counterattack.
It’s a powerful feeling… more powerful than the specter of death…
—
My friend says, that I get revenge basically by doing NOTHING specific against someone. For example, I recently wrote here, that I had refused a promotion at work. Among other things, for this reason (but not only!) “my” Narcissists cut my financial allowances and applied a number of repressions. After 3 months, the promotion was offered again (it was obvious to me all the time). I agreed, after half an hour of feigned hesitation, because: the circumstances had changed significantly, the conditions had changed, my starting position was different (previously, gratitude was expected for throwing a scrap, that I didn’t care for – now I was asked by they and I reluctantly agreed, ha ha ha), I had to make up for my cut finances (with a slight surplus). However, the sweetest reason was “a little revenge”. Someone, who seemed to she will take my place among women – sizzles at the moment like a piece of bacon in a frying pan, ha ha ha 🙂 She lost much more from this situation and her failed machinations – the respect and faith the people.
It’s sad to see how sweet it is now crawling… But I treat her normally, like any other person. Although, I never liked this person and she could not become “my” Narcissist. She can’t even pretend to respect people. She can’t even do that.
Hi Rebecca, Hi Joa,
as far as I’m concerned it’s more a matter of justice than revenge. This horrible individual has never interacted with me. He tried to contact me with a fake profile as part of the persecution against my friend but I blocked him. It’s so unfair that this law school graduate politician keeps stalking dozens of women in this cowardly way (through fake profiles on fb, twitter etc) and then you see him on TV with an angel smile talking about culture. Disgusting.
HG as a rich narc do grapple with the other narcs or psychopaths or both over corporate wealth, political control, land ownership or do you join alliances?
Have any narcs confronted you due to empaths getting info from you? If so, what do you do?
Yes. Laugh at their pathetic denials.