Questioning Me
Do feel free to ask me anything you like. I am here for you to dip into my mind and for you to benefit from learning how I view the world. No question is off limits and if you want to establish a dialogue with me, then so much the better. You will be helping me so I can show the treatment team that I am interacting with people in this setting. You can ask me why I do certain things, what am I thinking, what my favourite food is, whatever you like. This is your chance to extract as much knowledge and information from me as you possibly can. If you want to just make a statement, go ahead. Fill your boots. I don’t know you so I won’t fly into a rage (this does happen when people I know question me but that is because they have an agenda – you don’t because we don’t know one another). I look forward to hearing from you.
4,635 thoughts on “Questioning Me”
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Dear HG, is it the case that any victim of the narcissist would be viewed by him/her as extension of self, unless said victim is painted black? Or “extension of” is only applicable to children of the narcissist?
Any victim will be viewed as an extension of the narcissist.
Does that include us, HG? Do you view your followers as an extension of yourself?
Yes, where I deem it useful to do so.
Mr. Tudor,
1. What would cause you to deem it not useful?
Thank you for your time. Much appreciated.
Where there is nothing to be gained from doing so.
Thank you, sir.
Thanks HG!
Dear HG,
I was wondering about this. If you went out with your IPPS to dinner, excused yourself and then later came back and found someone flirting with your IPPS,. 1) What would be your reaction? 2) Would you blame her, him, or both? 3) Would her being painted black or white be a change in your reaction and who was blamed? What’s your reaction during devaluation/golden period??
Thank you for your time, I appreciate you xx
1. I would nullify the threat.
2. Golden period – him. Devaluation – remove him and then blame her.
3. Yes.
HG,
I also meant to ask the same questions, but your date isn’t your IPPS, but a IPSS, ANY differences??xx
Thank you HG for your replies and time. I’m getting how things work and how you respond and other narcs respond. Somethings I thought were just human behavior isn’t, it’s narc behavior. The more I learn, the easier it is to figure out. Thank you for confirming what I thought would be your answers. Thanks for helping me understand the whole dynamics between narc and empath. Xx I still find it so fascinating and I want to learn more. Xx
HG,
I’m assuming there wouldn’t be a difference between how you would react to a IPSS in the same situations, correct?? Thanks you. Xx
HG,
What about you, you being a hybrid, do you see your victims as extensions of yourself?? Do you get possessive like a narcissist, or not?? Xx
Victims are an extension of me, yes. I possess but I am not possessive, that is for weaklings.
Thank you HG, for your reply. I appreciate you xx ❤️❤️
Thank you. 1 is expected. 6 made me laugh. 7 clears you up. (1) Are you more like the Engineer, with the Handsome Squidward vibes?
Hi HG, I recently had an argument with my middle lesser boyfriend and I listed all of the things I do for him and asked him to name one thing he has done/does for me, he replied – be your boyfriend. He pretended it was the obly thibg he could think of but i beluve he was actually being truthful So my question is, does he belive I am so far beneath him that i should be greatful he is even with me as implied? Does he know he is using me? In your opinion. Thank you.
He believes that you should be kissing the ground he walks on because you are so fortunate to have such a god in your life. He does not see himself as using you.
Lol thank you
HG, do we sometimes see an uptick in narc action on the blog? Do narcs that come here ever use multiple names, but are the same person? Do you have any idea how many are here at any given time? How many are typically writing on here at any point? Do they sometimes claim to have been pronounced an empath according to your EDC? You would not correct that as it would violate the agreement, right? Thank you!
Yes.
Yes.
I do.
It varies but the number is low.
Yes.
Correct.
HG, thank you for the reply.
Thank you for answering the valid (& good) questions that AV asked, HG.
Mr. Tudor–
1. If a narc on the blog hasn’t taken the EDC, do you say plainly that they are a narc if they claim to be an empath?
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciated.
I correct their assertion that they have taken the EDC.
Thank you, sir. Much appreciated.
Good questions, AV!
Very interesting answers!
AV, I love these questions! And Mr. Tudor is so good to share the answers.
Thank you Dani. Your follow up question is really great also.
Good questions, AV, and interesting answers.
Thank you Ellen, yes the answers were interesting.
Great questions AV!
Thank you Jasmin.
Listening your bulletin -Future Protection- on vacation is awesome. xD
Mr. Tudor–
Have you encountered/evaluated autistic people from all four of your classifications?
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciated.
No.
Thank you, Sir.
🥱
Because HG is oh so authentic! 😂
Are you a very rich man?
I would be considered so.
Dear HG,
Will you continue the series on parental alienation?
I already am.
Did you ever had an UL-A woman as IP?
Yes as an IPSS.
HG,
I was curious, you did the ND on my mother…Where was I in my mother’s fuel matrix, especially when my dad would go overseas on Naval duties, where was I in those times ,too? Thank you for your replies xx
Use Where Am I In The Narcissist´s Fuel Matrix.
Thanks for your reply HG xx
Please correct me, if I’m wrong. I was her NISS, when dad was home and so was my brother. When my dad was overseas on Naval duties, I changed for her, her fuel matrix changed. I became her NIPS, because she spent more time with me, than my brother. Probably because I gave more fuel. My brother wouldn’t have given her much fuel because of how low his emotions were compared to mine. I believe I’m correct. ?? Xx
I’m really looking forward to knowing more about Psychopaths, as my brother was one and I’m also just curious in general to know more. I also would like to understand more about you, in how you think etc. I already have a reference with my brother, but I know you two aren’t the same. What type of Psychopath was my brother??
Thanks for your replies to my many questions. I appreciate you and your knowledge xx
Dear HG,
Psychopaths don’t have a fuel matrix because they don’t need fuel, so do they have something like a fuel matrix because they still need victim stimuli…I guess I’d call it…a need to torment those around them, like my brother had that need….being a Psychopath…that’s the behavior I saw in him…he had a need to torment, relieve boredom. How do psychopaths see their victims, as toys? I’m thinking, am I right, or I’m I off the mark? Please and thank you for your replies xx ❤️❤️
Dear HG,
Did you analyze Marilyn Monroe?? Was she an empath, or a victim narcissist?? Her behaviors are hard to figure out. Please and thank you xx
See “Know the Narcissist ” in the Knowledge Vault.
Thank you HG xx
HG,
I’ve seen documentaries on Marilyn Monroe and I always felt sympathy for her life, the miscarriages, the divorces, the drug problem, she seemed to not get a break. I felt bad for her. She seemed such a tormented soul.
https://narcsite.com/2015/09/29/questioning-me/comment-page-8/#comment-444008
HG, I am not surprised to learn this.
After reading your blog entry on marriage, quick questions:
Did you leave your ex-wife, or was she a Super Empath who executed a supernova?
If the latter, how long did it take her to escape?
If answered in another blog entry, kindly direct me to that. Thank you.
There was no empathic supernova.
Interesting… if you could indulge me one more question:
Are Greater Narcs incapable of being caught out by supernovas? (In other words, so self aware and also so aware of the victim that they can anticipate a cliff fight back and prevent it?)
Thank you again.
Read the article about empathic supernovas.
Heidi, I believe HG has said he’s been on the receiving end of a supernova. So he can be met with them. It’s to be expected that at times he’d have formidable foes in his partners and might even choose them for that reason. Though the supernova may not be his idea of a great time, because it’s delivered with little fuel, and would also probably include wounding.
Hi Annamel,
That tracks, thanks!
My motive for asking was that I have been using his blogs to unravel what happened to me with my ex-husband 13 years ago. I think he was a Lower Midrange. I want to get the narc detector but am in process of closing on a house and want to keep expenses down until that is done. Then I will do one to solve this last mystery.
Having said that, I tested in empath detector as majority Super and think I did pull a supernova on him when I escaped. I have been trying to work out if he would have seen it coming.
All of these blogs are very helpful because I have been able to piece together so much of what happened through them.
H.G. has said that he has been on the receiving end of a supernovas. He said it lasted several minutes.
I thought the video said that Greaters may relish the challenge, no? And the Super was attractive as a good source of fuel?
You just don’t dream of someone dying and find out they are dead, or dream of a time of death to find out the LA coroner estimated the time or see books in your head that you write or see dead ones several in a place maybe you get answers to a case or … but what about the general archetypes the trickster, the darkness, the universe and space, places and people and things you have never seen but return. No reason. No fear no anxiety just a hello. If you are me, you want to know. Imagine it is just your own sub conscience. What if you not only control your dreams but talk to it? ?
Dear Contagious, maybe in addition to lucid dreaming you must research the topics of quantum mechanics, multiverse, fractal time or the topic of ’time’ and the topic of ’energy’. Many different rocks to turn to look under and exhaust different sources.
Your starting point in the analyses of yourself and your experiences might stem from a physical certainty of the idea that things can always be explained, but even Nasa made a very interesting observation in that regard:
„More is unknown than is known. We know how much dark energy there is because we know how it affects the universe’s expansion. Other than that, it is a complete mystery. But it is an important mystery. It turns out that roughly 68% of the universe is dark energy. Dark matter makes up about 27%. The rest – everything on Earth, everything we ever observed with all of our instruments, all normal matter – adds up to less than 5% of the universe. Come to think of it, maybe it shouldn’t be called „normal“ matter at all, since it is such a small fraction of the universe.“
You know, homo sapiens experience and create reason by making an agreement on the reason via language. It doesn’t ultimately explain things yet we live in the midst of it and think we know. This is how our mind must navigate. For instance people who ’loose their mind’ and end up in psychiatry – their mind ends the agreement on the reality others agreed upon and thus they act unpredictably to our reason and rules. The goal however is not to loose the mind or to end the agreement but to expand on this agreement and to see more different options of what is possible. Lucid dreaming is part of it but you can also look elsewhere, for it to click one day. Thus science is good. Abstract thinking is good. Creativity is good. Philosophy is good. Great thinkers come very close to explaining things, btw. Many sources will all assist you. You are probably already in to this things anyway, so you’re on the right track..Hugs!
Jordyguin! Thank you! I didn’t know about dark matter but I have read up on quantum physics and how it taps into parallel realities or multiple states of sun atomic particles. A different set of reality. They say that the brain may entangle neurons… twin theories are based on this. BUT it is theoretical physics … no answer. Crazy how little we know. HG says coincidence. But in my case that does not add up. Too many. Intuition? Perhaps but also I am a lawyer and an analytical analysis would destroy that line of thinking with the lack of hard facts available. I guess I am resigned to what my bioscience friend says “ some things we just don’t know.” Sucks. But it’s been fun meeting people like me mostly with a contagion categorization. And that in itself is interesting….
What is going on when a narcissist disengages from an ipps but doesn’t have another ipps until years later? Can a narcissist survive 2 years with secondary girlfriends only? And why some take so long to find a replacement ipps?
1. Read the Veiled IPPS.
2. Read Pipelines.
3. Read Understanding Changes to the Narcissist´s Fuel Matrix
Thank you!
I read everything and still don’t know where in the world is the new IPPS. Since her disengagement with former IPPS, she has been running around for 2 years with short term relationships, no more than 4 months each. Lives alone, and mother and sister lives in different town. Travels all over the world living large flashing photos all over social media with different people and still no signs of an IPPS. Where else am I missing to look?
Dear HG
is is possible there is a hybrid? Someone who has emotional empathy but is also a psychopath or narcissist? Thus using their emotional empathy to manipulate others? Or to hide their darkness using their emotional empathy? is this possible?
No.
Maybe you’re confused with cognitive empathy Anna. Some Ns, not all, can appear very natural.
Congratulations! You did it! I would have rooted for Inter, but I’m happy for you. See you on the other side of the party!
Explain to me how you can bet happy for me when you supported the opposition, that is hypocritical.
I didn’t really have any skin in that game, there’s just some good memories from the Inter of the 1990ies, so no problem there. It’s not my team or anything.
Come to think of it, I don’t think it would be all that hypocritical, even if I was a raging Inter fan. Say if I had placed a bet against Inter as a sort of hedge, I’d be sad that they lost, but at the same time happy that I’d won the bet. I like you more than I dislike City (which isn’t saying much), so on balance, you win.
Say, you didn’t pinch a couple of balls from the game last night, did you? Over on Youtube, they’re looking for a set of stolen balls.
That was a painful game to watch. I was willing the clock to run down at the end. The boychild was pacing in and out of the room intermittently barking at the TV and I was thinking, “Please City, don’t do a City.”
It is interesting. From an empathic perspective, this is absolutely not hypocrisy. I understand it perfectly. It’s about empathizing with another person, understanding what he or she may feel while enjoying the victory.
—–
Even when I’m competing with someone – especially if it’s a good competitor I respect or admire, who I learn from – I enjoy their victory, despite the bitter taste of my defeat. If I think someone deserved it, I’m glad they won and not someone who doesn’t deserve it. A win by a good opponent always removes the bitter taste in my mouth.
I also believe, that the sincere congratulations of an opponent are an expression of appreciation and a reason for satisfaction.
—–
By the way – I only looked at a few titles and leads about Manchester City and Inter. Sport has become such dirty politics, money and power. Pity.
But I understand the emotions and enthusiasm of the fans. And I admire the physical and mental fitness of footballers.
HG : I went to this psychic fair in California. I am forever exploring my lucid dreams and why. I believe most psychics are those who study psychology. There may be those who have had psychic experiences with people, ghosts or etc… for me I just don’t know how to explain my dreams. I look everywhere. This one woman who called herself reverend said I was not alone that many had regular lucid dreams and she could help to control them even speak to them as she had. I tried as lucid dreamers have control but when I did they evaporated and I awoke. I have called and emailed her. She called me a baby at my last nderstsnding of lucid dreams which is her “field.” . Her only response has been an invitation to a Wiccan community. I have no judgement but I am as disappointed as I have been in trying to reach out to those doing scientific studies on sleep and dreams. I hit door after door. I know my condition is not common but you meet contagians any help or thought? Any resource would be of help
Contagious,
The only thing I have heard about lucid dreaming is that it occurs during the time where you are not yet entirely asleep but neither are you fully awake. It is thought to be the time when the brain is at its most creative. Karl Jung had his assistant wake him back up just as he fell asleep and the assistant would record whatever Jung said as he awoke.
Presumably, “You utter clown, you’ve woken me just as Marilyn Monroe was serving me a Toblerone naked!”
Haha! I see your attention to detail there!
Ha! I knew MM would have preferred Carl over Freud!🌟
Hi HG and TS,
I had a lucid dream last night about LMRSOMATIC. In the dream I ran into him , in town, and he thought I was alone. He came up to me and started with his, you look hot, I want to make you scream bit and the person I was with, came up behind him and the fight began. I was in observer mode ,at that point and just enjoyed the entertainment. What started off as a bad dream, ended up being quite funny and enjoyable. I didn’t even have to step in, on this dream, it went very well. I’m not going to say more. 😆🤪xx ❤️
I tried ChatGPT. It is possible to control lucid dreams and talk to people or objects or subconscious. Cool
Truth seeker: thank you. Science does show high activation in the outer parts of the brain and even Chat GPT says it is possible to control and talk to people in objects in your dreams. I have not been able to yet…. HG next time Marilyn visits you, ask her how she died. Could clear up the mysteries;)
Since you’re giving me the time to reflect, you’ll have to put up with some more, and I’ll borrow your words for a moment. I can be happy for you – now – when I supported the opposition – while the game was going. Once the final whistle blows, my support no longer helps anyone and it’s no use to me to sulk around. If it was my very own team, there might be a bit of grumbling involved, but I still wouldn’t begrudge you your win. I’m not gonna let a football result define my day or my relationship with somebody else. You’re a person I like (as far as the parts you let me see allow me to judge), so you’re much closer to me than any old football club. Now if I had a closer relationship with one of the players, we’d be looking at a different situation. But even then I could be sad for one friend and simultaneously happy for another. They’re not mutually exclusive.
Are you going to get a shirt/hat/hoodie/other souvenir from the treble match, and if so, would you consider posting it for us on Insta? Thank you!
No, therefore your second question is redundant.
HG – I believe Diana appeared to have BPD and Charles has NPD or traits (which you have clarified). This would have deeply affected Harry’s early development. I don’t he fully self actualised away from Diana. I now think Harold has an Oedipus complex (good old Freud) which lays the foundation for his own dysfunctional psychological development (among many other things ofc).
It’s no surprise he has entered a shared fantasy w the narcissist and that he’s now in over his head. He losing touch more and more w reality, lost in the confusion, delusions and paranoia of narcissistic abuse. The Cluster B cycles continue…
Hi HG, can an unwanted narcissistic behaviour be reduced by removing fuel (ignoring it) removing control (behaving unbothered and unaffected by it) removing residual benefits (e.g. certain things like meals being cooked etc only happen when this behaviour isn’t shown although this isn’t overtly stated – like pavlonian reinforcement)? Or will the behaviours continue regardless of what we do because we are irrelevant?
It very much depends on the context of your involvement with the narcissist and what else is occurring in the fuel matrix of said narcissist. You are better served by applying GOSO than expecting a reduction in involvement to remove the narcissists behaviour from your life.
Hello HG,
I love your guitar video, so much that you have inspired me to learn- my lessons will start this fall. If you have any advice for a complete beginner like me, I’d love to have it.
I was really happy to hear in the recent Q&A that you are considering posting more guitar videos- eagerly looking forward to that!
This is one of my favorite Indian movie songs –
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FogCAc571sg – I was wondering; do you think this could be played on the guitar?
Thank you!!
Dear HG
In your view, am I a narcissist or an empath? or neither
Use the appropriate detector as previously explained.
Thanks for the reply. Will do!!
Anna, in one of the earlier replies, HG wrote you that you should use the Empath Detector because the Narc Detector is used for others. That was clue enough.
‘That was clue enough.’
Joa, do mean clue that Anna is an empath?
Hi Annaamel,
The Empath Detector will give one the results of whether one is, or is not an empath. If one doesn’t meet the Empath result, HG will inform that person that they’re not an empath. Hope that helps. Xx
Rebecca, you are indeed correct.
I do not think I am an empath. I do have empathy but I am not an empath. If I was I would be an incredibly dirty filthy one…
Anna,
You would not be alone in being an incredibly filthy empath, you might be surprised.
If you haven’t already, check out the Dark Cupid series and HG’s articles on the Dirty Empath.
@Anna,
You might be surprised by your results of the EDC. If you decide to do it…it was worth it to me. Xx
Anna has previously said she’s been diagnosed with a cluster B personality disorder. HG has suggested that those diagnosed with disorders in this cluster are often either undetected narcissists or, in some cases may be sufferers of PTSD. So Anna may be wary of taking the EDC and receiving results in ways that others of us are not.
Dear HG
Have you ever visited the south of France?
Yes
It feels like heaven on earth in the south of France
Anna, try Brittany, and you may well change your mind 😉
@Isabelle, thanks for the tip. I will check it out
Things is I like it hot. Like Spain and Italy… thus South of France provides my sun addiction
Duh ..
Mr. Tudor–
1. Is the school/cadre of narcissist that is most attracted to a specific type of empath generally the same school/cadre that the empath was exposed to as a child?
2. If a parent is majority co-dependent/super/contagion school, is there a greater likelihood of the child also being a majority Codependent/super/contagion?
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciated!
1. No.
2. Yes.
Thank you so much, sir. Much appreciated!
HG, I’ve not been a guest in your lovely virtual home for very long, about a month or so, which for a flesh-and-blood house guest is already more than long enough. So first of all I’d like to belatedly thank you for being so gracious as to open your doors to us and letting us poke around your private space.
I’ve enjoyed every minute of it, starting with but not limited to that masterpiece “The Rules of Knowing The Narcissist”. I think it’s fair to say that here we have a clear case of the creation revealing its creator. In other words, if you had wanted to try and pretend you were an intellectually average man, which thankfully you don’t, you would have failed spectacularly. This is what the rules for any forum of discussion should look like. This is how you create the right atmosphere. Everybody who reads this will keep that feeling and take it into the debate. I like to reread it and have forced people to listen to all of it, just because it’s so beautifully crafted. Who needs fiction when you can have this?
In the time I’ve been here, there have already been several questions addressed to you, asking more or less the same: “Do you/Why don’t you tell your (Candidate)IPPS that you’re a narcissistic psychopath?” You are to be commended for the patience and restraint you show in your answers. If it was me, I would be very much tempted to start off with a light slap on that person’s head and proceed with an answer along the lines of “Sure, and while we’re on the subject, let’s ask the Ukrainians why they don’t tell the Russians the sites of their ammo stores, supply lines, flight schedules and so forth.” That is not to say you would be hampered much if you laid all your cards on the table from the start, we both know you could work with that and still be successful, but it would be less efficient and just plain stupid. What is puzzling to me is the apparent double standard. Those same readers would surely deem it highly inappropriate if they were made to present all the skeletons lurking in their own closet on the first date. “Hi, my name is Cyndi, I don’t know how to spell my own name. I say that I’m 26 but really I’m 39 years old, my hobby is collecting sexually transmitted diseases and I like to spend all my money on booze, drink myself into a stupor every weekend, yowl so long and loudly that the neighbours call the RSPCA, and then projectile-vomit all over your new sofa and carpets.” That would go over well. And those types of behaviour are just as potentially damaging.
If it’s acceptable for us to “put our best foot forward” in order to impress a prospective partner, and as long as you’re not clubbing unsuspecting females over the head and dragging them off by the hair, then you should be accorded the same. I don’t think you should be held accountable if so many women still persist in believing in this fantasy of “He just hasn’t met the right woman. I can save/change him.” That is its own form of grandiosity, overstepping boundaries and magical thinking and doomed to failure, whether you’re dealing with a narcissistic psychopath, a drunk, a druggie or a plain old arsehole.
Anna–
Please let Cyndi know I still regard her fondly.
As soon as she’s sobered up enough to comprehend it!
I don’t see a problem with readers asking HG if he tells his partners that he’s a diagnosed narcissist psychopath. I don’t think it’s a strange or invalid question.
In many relationships it’s normal to tell your partner your past diagnoses or even what you might see as your weak spots. In fact, doing so can create a stronger relationship based on empathy and compassion and understanding. These are not things which are generally hidden in relationships.
Of course if a relationship is approached as a battle for dominance and control, not dissimilar to a war between two countries, then certainly not sharing personal secrets is wise and effective.
By the way, there are no Cyndis here. You, I, the others, we’re all the same.
– HG, would you be so kind and correct me where I’m wrong (if you can find the time)? Merci beaucoup. –
I find it a very strange question indeed, exactly because HG is a diagnosed narcissistic psychopath. But first, before asking any questions in general, I would wish that people read a bit of the wealth of material that is already here in order to avoid wasting his time even more than we are probably all guilty of. This question pops up so often, it’s like a broken record. It’s very hard to miss. The answer to this question is a prime candidate for its own shortcut key on HG’s keyboard, right next to the buttons with the answers to “Can a narcissist change?” and “Are you really _____ (insert name of extremely attractive and intelligent male celebrity here)?” If HG had five minutes added to his year for every time he answers these repeat questions, he might be looking at an extra month.
Now I’ll come to the point why I find it strange to ask HG to tell his IPPS about the label he has been assigned. Remember, you are asking HG. Not you, me or anybody else, but HG, the undisputed all-time Super-Heavyweight World Champion of narcissism. If you have listened to him or read some of his work, and it takes very little to get to this point, you will have heard him tell us that the narcissist ensnares his or her victim. The term “victim” should give us some clue that a narcissist has no ability to engage in a healthy relationship of equals. A battle is exactly how the narcissist perceives it. Therefore you are not asking an empath or a normal to reveal a weakness, you are asking a narcissist to voluntarily hand the victim, i.e. his opponent, the equivalent of a thermonuclear warhead. Why in the world would our darling Narcissist-In-Chief do such an asinine thing?
I will gladly leave the discussion about what makes a healthy relationship to you.
Well stated.
Great! That’s one inspection passed. What a shoddy new piece I would otherwise be – malfunctioning already long before the warranty was up.
HG,
Did you analyze James Cameron? Will you analyze him, if you havent?? Xx Thanks for your time and replies xx❤️❤️
I have not analysed him, no.
Thank you for your reply HG xx
James Cameron is my favorite director and movie story writer. His movies have a certain heart in the center of the story and I was curious to know if he’s an empath or not. Xx I know he had an affair with Linda Hamilton, but that’s just one indicator, but not a definite.
Hmmm….
Well. I understand completly why Mr HG Tudor does not tell his partner he is a narcissistic psychopath.
Discrimination against mental illness.
That’s it. Yes, discrimination. Most people would run a mile as soon as they heard the word psychopath.
@Anna
How is that discrimination? No one owes anyone a date
HG
Some midrange narcissists seem both Somatic (skiing, dancing) and Cerebral (chess tournaments, novel reading) but not Elite at all. Just “both”.
Is there a category for this typeof individual? “Too bland to be named Elite”.
No, I suspect you are conflating aspects of the school into the cadre when you make reference to being too bland.
I understand what you mean. One needn’t be a Greater to be an Elite.
Are you a professor?
No.
Are you in entertainment beyond this blog?
I entertain beyond this blog.
“I entertain beyond this blog.”
And the award for the understatement of the year goes to…
Our revered professor of entertainment is what you are, in addition to everything else. Thank you for all the smiles, weapon or no. Some weapons are better than any “cure”.
Seriously? What is this, the International week for the blind? That answer of yours deserves a much bigger reaction, HG. Such a lovely piece, deceptively simple, elegant. What a difference just a little trim makes. As the Swiss say, merci vielmal!
Its too bad you’re not a professor, Mr. Tudor. I think Professor Tudor would suit you.
HG, do you ever tell your primary partners that you are a narcissist so that they have a choice as to whether to continue in a relationship with you? If not – would you ever consider doing so?
No and no.
Ouch! I hope I don’t land on the scrap heap for this. I would be very much obliged to you if you could take the “h” out of the “whiles” in my previous answer to Zoe, written today approx.15.15, or exchange the whole thing for the following:
If I might butt in here, I think it’s fair to expect of a supposedly grown-up woman to exercise some discretion in her choice of partners. That brain sits in our head for a reason. Most of the time we make better decisions when it’s switched on. And in the same vein, if HG chooses to select only ladies that will be receptive to his wiles, that is his business, problem, prerogative, whatever you want to call it.
Again, duh ..
If I might butt in here, I think it’s fair to expect of a supposedly grown-up woman to exercise some discretion in her choice of partners. That brain sits in our head for a reason. Most of the time we make better decisions when it’s switched on. And in the same vein, if HG chooses to select only ladies that will be receptive to his whiles, that is his business, problem, prerogative, whatever you want to call it.
Thank you for the Schofield analysis! Since I only knew of him via some third-party snippets and had never seen him in action (and as a foreigner probably never will), I wasn’t expecting to find the analysis terribly engrossing. But you made it very interesting and entertaining, partly because of the long hours of research you obviously put in all your work. And then there was that gem about Eamonn Holmes supporting the wrong colours – well you certainly showed them. Now if only someone would wipe that grin off my face.
You are welcome.
HG, I would never change who I am, but I’ll be honest, I was angry for a time, awakening to who I am, awakening to who my sisters and brothers are in being of your kind, my exe’s being more of your kind, trying to be around them in social settings, at parties etc., it just annoyed me greatly. Then coming on here and wanting to vent, annoyed at you for what you are, and yet grateful to you for your work and patience. I went away for a while, treking up a mountain, camping in the wilderness trying to find the answer to what was gnawing at me. Sitting at the campfire one night, I realised what I was looking for, I grieved for what should be, but isn’t, and never will be, an acceptance of a reality that many of us find ourselves in, and some are still struggling to find out what that reality is. The hardest part is acceptance, that there is not and never will be a bond, and whatever bond I thought was there particularly with my twin and eldest two sisters, it never really was there. Sitting at family get together’s now, it is easier knowing and participating with everyone, instead of sitting there bewildered and scowling. I think I have worked through every stage, but the last stage was the hardest. I don’t know how to finish this off as I am not asking you a question, but in a way you are the best therapy everyone on here could ever ask for, or to speak with. You say it as it is, you cut through the bullshit and you speak the facts. I know I have thanked you a million times before, there have also been many times you could have excluded me from your site because of my venting and well let’s be honest rudeness (which, I would like to point out I am not like that), but you didn’t and I am grateful. You say you have no heart and are soulless, and to a certain extent I believe you, but anyone who has your work ethic and provides the first class assistance, and work, that you have provided to all of us, I think you have a glimmer of something resembling a heart, trying to shine brightly within you.
Best,
DB
Hi Mr. Tudor,
Would you consider creating a blog space for all of the empaths here to cross compare their schools and cadres and how they deal with different situations? I know the blog is primarily about you, so this may be something you would not want to do.
I was noticing that in this particular “Questioning Me” space that there are comments where people discuss their personal findings. If we had a space to do that and not clog up your questions, it might be useful.
Just a thought … I have immensely enjoyed reading all of the comments about people in different schools and cadres and comparing it to my own Empath Detector findings. It is also enjoyable to see your comments and interactions with the empaths, because it sheds light on how an Ultra engages with us.
Maybe you could call a page for the empaths, “Appliances.” 🙂
Just a thought … no worries if this doesn’t fit your intention for the blog!
No.
It was worth a shot to ask! Thank you for responding.
You are welcome.
Duh, no. 3. 😇
HG, I just sent two replies to comments to other bloggers at the top of this thread. Then realized this is a thread for asking you questions. I apologize. If those replies are not appropriate for this space and you don’t post them, I understand and will rewrite them on a different thread.
I would like to thank you for all the questions answered here, so many interesting things to read!
Not a problem AV and you are welcome.
HG,
Did you see the comment on your YT channel directed towards me? It was very rude and the worse word salad I’ve ever seen. Xx
I did as you emailed me twice about it bringing it to my attention. It appears to have gone.
Sorry HG,
I forgot to show you the whole message, it’s why I sent it twice. The first one only showed half the message. My blunder, sorry xx
HG,
It’s still visible to me, it’s under replies to me, it’s one of the 9. 😞 Sorry xx
HG,
Yeah, it’s gone on my end too now. Thank you xx
HG,
I’m sorry I have to say this about the comment. It upset me because the person accused me of making up stories about my stepdaughter and being a copying hack. The person accused me of using aliases, all are false accusations and I’m going to list why they’re bs. 1) Rebecca is my legal name, it’s on my birth certificate and on all legal documents retaining to me, so not an alias, it’s my legal name. I have a personal social account, separate from the blog, but it is also under my legal name. Alias bs cut down, strike 1. 2) My stepdaughter is a real person, HG has done her ND and she’s MLSOMATIC, like her dad. I can easily give HG her Facebook name and anyone looking at her Facebook would see all the red flags of a narc. Not made up and I wouldn’t make it up, don’t have a reason to make it up. Sorry, upset and pissed the hell off! 3) My shit childhood isn’t fake, I wouldn’t make it up! I’ve kept it held in throughout my childhood and I wasn’t believed when I did talk about it, with my first therapist, so this hurts! This person is a coward for hiding behind this “l” letter as a name, talk about having an alias….blame shifting much? And the word salad I still managed to make sense of…that person is so off the mark, telling me I’m due some payback….payback for what? What did I do to you? Sorry, this really upset me. This person doesn’t even know me, obviously, otherwise they’d know it’s all real, as Fked up as it is, it’s fking real. It’s going to take me a while to calm the fk down. This fkg hurts and pisses me off at the same time. Thanks for letting me rant here HG, again I’m sorry for my blunder earlier. Sorry everyone for my rant. Xx
Rebecca:
If it’s Mrs Dimples or whatever she’s calling herself these days, I hope you didn’t take it personally. She’s tried to start something with nearly every Tudorite, usually including a metric frack-ton of emojis (the snake is a favorite) and, following her own venomous accusations, a Bible quote…about Kindness.
Hi Viol,
Thank you, but I did take it personally, I usually do when someone is lying about me and posting bs about me. I have a strong truthseeker trait and this just triggers it big time….I realize this person doesn’t know me , eventhough I have a strong feeling who it is….they can’t reach me any other way and I guess that person didn’t think I’d screenshot their comment and send it to HG. Oopsey, someone didn’t think too much, before doing the deed. I’m due “cumuppence ” as the person wrote. Oh, Ok I’m married to a MLSOMATIC, raised by a LMRVICTIM, my brother was a Psychopath, a narcissistic person is the lease of my worries and fears. I’m at the point now, where I’m triggered and I get reckless when in this state of mind. This person is obviously a coward, otherwise that person wouldn’t hide behind another name. Yeah, I’m taking it personally, no emojis were used, no biblical quotes were used, this person isn’t Christian. I have a strong feeling who it is. A very strong feeling. I wait on their next move.
Rebecca:
I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been targeted. Mrs. Dimples is actually kind of funny once you know it’s a pile of horse-puckey and the troll tries it on everybody.
I haven’t read the thread you mentioned,
although I was going to watch the vid again on my laptop anyhow,, because I can’t sufficiently appreciate the Sugars’ Creative Orthography on my phone.
How did the person find out you were on HG’s channel?
Hi Viol,
Thank you and I wasn’t the only one targeted on the channel and I gave it to HG. I would like to know who it is,but otherwise I’m leaving it in HG’s capable hands xx
Dang Rebecca, what the hell….that’s really upsetting. Personal attacks hurt no matter what, whether you know the person or not.
Taking vulnerable information you have shared about your private life (which is very brave, btw, and doing so helps other people) and using it to bully you is all kinds of fucked up. Whoever this person is, they obviously take delight in upsetting people.
Someone attacked poor Carole similarly on YT not that long ago as well.
Please don’t let it bother you too much–those things aren’t true, and this person plays on your darkest fears.
HG’s content attracts a lot of good people, but it also attracts its share of disturbed weirdos.
❤️Big hugs❤️
Thanks KitKat,
I have a strong feeling who it is. Some people have nothing better to do with their hands I guess. They’re obviously unhappy with their life and want to take it out on others. I’m sorry to hear that Carole went through the same thing recently, maybe this person thinks they know us. HG will figure it out.
Rebecca:
If this troll thinks it can wrest control of HG’s channel away from HG, it’s going to have a very interesting educational experience.
Hi Viol,
I agree with you, it’s why I gave HG the info on the troll. 1) It’s HG’s channel, he has a right to know when a troll starts their shit. 2) If anyone can deal with a troll, it’s HG. 3) I knew he’d want to know and I knew he’d handle it. 100% confident in HG’s capabilities. Xx
Hi Rebecca,
My spidey sense is tingling. Many people use aliases on YouTube and on the internet, in general. Leigh is an alias. Its not my real name. I find it interesting that someone called you out on it. I also find it interesting that someone called you out on your step daughter. Is it possible that your narc husband found you? I don’t know, Rebecca. Something smells fishy.
Hi Leigh,
Thanks, but my husband wouldn’t bother to create a YT account and message me like that, he’s more one to be in my face about it. He is a Lesser, he’s more about confrontational fuel face to face. No, this is a work of a weak, pathetic, small peanut balls Midranger like the one I dealt with before at work, the LMRSomatic and let’s not forget dear old mother, LMRVICTIM. I can’t stand Midrangers, with their annoying pity plays, my whole childhood I dealt with that shit, pity me, pity me…from my mother…makes me want to explode! This is definitely a Midranger narcissist, or possibly a narcissistic coward…either way, I gave HG their info and I hope their paranoia kicks in overdrive….sorry, my anger is still flared up. I have a feeling who it is and yeah, fishy is a good thought on how they smell.
Hi Rebecca,
Oh yes, that makes sense about Lessers. They’re much more in your face. I agree. Mid Rangers are much more sneaky and pathetic, lol!
Do you think its someone you know in the real world or just in blog world? Do you think its LMRSomatic?
When I read your comment, it concerned me. The fact that someone reached out to you like that is a little nerve wracking. I really hope its just an internet troll and not someone you know. If tts an internet troll, you can either tell them to go eff themselves or ignore them. If its someone you know, its a little scarier.
Hi Leigh,
I have an idea of who it is and I already told HG, don’t want to say more than that. Xx
Hi Rebecca,
I saw your response above to JB. It makes sense that your husband and step daughter wouldn’t have the patience or interest to go through the articles or the comments here on the blog. I tend to be overly cautious.
Even though it’s online, when someone is aggressive with you, it can still be upsetting.
I’m glad you’re feeling better.
I saw your other comment on the Contagion thread. I responded but Mr. Tudor still has it in moderation.
Have you discussed with anyone (off blog) that you post here or on YT? That would be my only concern. Random internet trolls out to feed don’t know you and are not worth the upset. Use what you’ve learned here and don’t play their game. Starve them out by ignoring them. Good practice for for moving forward.
Hi NA,
Yeah, HG knows all about that…and I’m sure he has an idea of who it is, better than I do. I’m terrible, I have a hard time not talking back, my mouth, my temper, all work against me. It’s a weakness I need to work on. I got slapped for my mouth so often…the virtue of keeping my mouth shut, well I did managed not to reply on YT. 😄 that’s a start. Thanks for your advice NA and I just found out , on a live chat that there were a few of us targeted by this person….so I don’t feel so singled out. I still bad for everyone else that this person is so miserable that they have to upset others. Cowardly bully, nothing more.
Rebecca, it could be anyone. Whoever wrote whatever. When I am in the “cauldron of emotions” also take it personally (it happens very rarely – it can be trained – observer position).
You’re worrying unnecessarily, you’re smelling a conspiracy. Even if – what do you care?
As NA says – ignore it. Or shoot an accurate, short dart and ignore the next gibberish.
It’s a waste of time and your health to wrestle with some clown and… with your imagination.
A few calm, deep, veryyy deeep breaths, relax, chin up, back straight. Look at this anonymous in advance and… give him sweet, sweet indifference 🙂
Hi JOA,
You’re right, I often have issue with taking things personally and it upsets me when I feel attacked. Thank you JOA, I’m feeling better now. My emotions are calming. I do take deep breathes and I didn’t reply to that person, just alerted HG to the comment and HG will do what he wants with it. I still hope that person gets their eyebrows shaved off, but that’s just me. 😆 Thanks for your words of kindness , it gives me a warm glow in my heart. Xx Thank you for your concern. I feel safe now. Xx
Rebecca, you’re sweetest, funny revenger! Yes, they’re just hungry for your fuel… Shave their brows off and tattoo new on. I let your imagination proceed😂
Hi Jordyguin,
I wouldn’t tattoo new eyebrows. I’d tattoo the word, SHITHEAD on their forehead, so everyone knows who they are. I’d even tattoo it in a fancy script, so it looks pretty like their facade….all pretty on the surface, but when you look closer, surprise! It’s a shithead. 😆 🤣 xx
Thank you HG.
Me too. 🤗
Hi Dani,
So sorry, I saw a comment from you in my email notifications but was not successful finding it on this thread. Hopefully you see this.
My dad was UMR elite, my mom LMR victim, ex #2 MMRA somatic, summer narc (a brief romantic interest, remote only) ULA somatic, all sent through the NDC. Having this variety actually determined by HG was extremely beneficial in understanding the wife variations that they can have while still also seeing the similarities due to the narcissism in each one.
I believe ex #1 was a MMRB somatic and the firefighter…he remains a mystery but I try not to think about him so will likely never know. I try not to think about any of them, with varying levels of success.
I also have known some women who I believe have been narcissists. Typically I walk away from them but I actually ended a friendship this last year in which I was being hurt with some frequency and in various ways. No NDC, not important enough to know definitively, but I think another MMRA somatic. Those people have facades that are pretty unbelievable.
It is interesting to me to see how narcissists were drawn to me, looking back at the beginning of the relationships. How do they spot me?
How can I avoid being ensnared again? Sitting Target helped so much with that part.
Do you know what types you’ve had in your life?
Hi AV–
I see it, and thank you, Mr. Tudor for making it easy to find.
“…I try not to think about any of them, with varying levels of success.” — I think H.G. is right that not thinking about it is the best way. It’s not easy.
“Typically I walk away from them but I actually ended a friendship this last year in which I was being hurt with some frequency and in various ways.” — Did you say anything to the person about their behavior to see if they would change?
“No NDC, not important enough to know definitively, but I think another MMRA somatic. Those people have facades that are pretty unbelievable.” — Indeed, some do have quite excellent ones.
“Sitting Target helped so much with that part.” — Glad to hear it. “Manipulated” is one I’ve read that I found illuminating, and I’m hoping “Manipulated 2” will be ready soon.
“Do you know what types you’ve had in your life?” —
I don’t know for certain, meaning that I have not done the narc detector or had a consult with Mr. Tudor about any of it. I have a habit of perseverating in general…and I don’t want to take the chance of doing that to myself about this…I’ve done it enough in the past to know it’s bad. I’m curious and cautious about doing either one.
I would strongly suspect based on what I’ve learned from Mr. Tudor’s articles and videos…UMR, LMR, MMRA (Work related–most no longer present owing to my change of job or them being fired. I think one was a victim and the others were somatic or elite.), MMRA (my best guess for a long-term friendship). In terms of family, it’s hard to make a guess about the more immediate family members. I don’t know that the situation isn’t some sort of Muellerian mimic of the narcissistic relationship. Am I looking at a Viceroy and confusing it with a Monarch? (It’s possible my thinking is wishful in that regard.)
Hi Dani,
Hopefully this is not a double up, I was writing to you and had something come up and it went away…
I usually am less concerned at this point with knowing exact school and cadre, if someone is toxic, I just work at getting free from them. It is fun sometimes to consider it, exercise my detection skills but only when I have time.
Manipulation is good also, Manipulation 2, or any new writing from HG, would be amazing.
I did speak to my former friend on several occasions, both as I was seeing concerning things and once I decided and wanted confirmation. I got nowhere and things deteriorated. It was a good learning experience.
It is absolutely true what HG says, best not to even think of them. It is one of the spheres of interaction that we must avoid for NC. It is not always easy but practice helps.
Thanks for the reply!
Hi AV,
“Hopefully this is not a double up, I was writing to you and had something come up and it went away…” — That’s happened to me a few times, too.
“I usually am less concerned at this point with knowing exact school and cadre, if someone is toxic, I just work at getting free from them. It is fun sometimes to consider it, exercise my detection skills but only when I have time.” — Sounds like a good plan. I mostly agree, but I wonder, also, how helpful it would be to me to know. If it would help me understand more.
“Manipulation is good also, Manipulation 2, or any new writing from HG, would be amazing.” — I like listening to HG’s videos, too. He has one of the best voices that I’ve ever heard. I really like the new “When Harry’s Wife met H.G.” series because of how we get a look inside H.G’s head in an interaction. And in story format, it’s quite riveting to me. I hope that he’ll have time and there will be interest enough in listening to him talk about interactions with red flagged or black flagged people. I don’t want names or place details, but I want the look at how H.G. handles it.
“I did speak to my former friend on several occasions, both as I was seeing concerning things and once I decided and wanted confirmation. I got nowhere and things deteriorated. It was a good learning experience.” — “Things deteriorated.” That sounds quite familiar. How long had you been friends?
“It is absolutely true what HG says, best not to even think of them. It is one of the spheres of interaction that we must avoid for NC. It is not always easy but practice helps.” — I find it easier with some than it is with others. Do you also find that to be so?
Hi Dani,
I love that you often end your comments with a question! It is so encouraging to keeping the conversation going!
Regarding that specific end question, the hardest one may be my dad, because I loved him, he was the least hurtful of the narcs in my life and maybe because he’s gone now. I find sometimes with him I can be lulled, in my own mind, into a sense of comfort when thinking about him, if he pops into my mind for some reason. Like I don’t have the same urgency to push those thoughts out that I do with other narcs. But I know the danger is that I could experience elevated ET if I allow myself to dwell and that can lead to possible cross pollution or other negative effects. So I’ve really worked at training myself to refocus even when it’s him. The others are difficult if I think of something they did that makes me angry, but that refocusing is typically much easier, I don’t like to feel angry.
I had been friends with the woman for 2 years. She knew a lot about me and I suspect now smears me whenever possible. But if people listen, that is their choice, I can’t worry about it.
I totally agree!! I love the “When HG Met Harry’s Wife” series! Such a great look at things from his perspective!
I think knowing schools and cadres always helps us have more understanding. For me I have found there needs to be a balance between recognizing danger and dwelling too much, as we discussed above. For example, with my former friend, once I started to recognize issues, I stuck around longer than was necessary or healthy in an attempt to confirm and identify her school and cadre. I would have been better off leaving that friendship behind once I knew it was unhealthy. I ended up giving her more time to devalue me. I have enough information at this point to make an educated guess as to her school and cadre and that is enough. That said, I did do 4 NDC’s, all came back different and I learned a lot from that. I have also used all the lists HG offers and sent in several lists of my own, which have all been helpful in seeing how different schools can manifest.
Thank you for the conversation Dani, always a pleasure.
Rebecca,
I am always assessing people now also, trying to improve my skills at spotting narcs in particular but also normals and empaths. I kind of think, if they don’t stand out in some way, good or bad, they’re probably one of the latter. But of course some narcs won’t necessarily stand out either, until they want to, so even that isn’t fool proof. The red flags help a lot and watching over time, as HG says. It’s the best way.
I will of course be happy to share anything new I see Rebecca, please feel free to do the same for me, I would love that. I can share right now that I’ve noticed that you seem calmer and more thoughtful than when you first arrived. Like your comment about watching people for signs, you’re really thinking about all this new information, not only dealing with feelings.
I did not realize/remember that your Geyser is 25%, same as my Carrier, ugh, and about double my Geyser. I know for my Carrier it is pretty easy to spot things that will trigger it, now that I’m aware of it, and then I tell it to settle down, or decide to carry intentionally. Same with my Geyser, it shows much less also being only about 13%. But now I can decide when to let it out or not. Having that understanding of myself and the ability to control myself has been so helpful. It is the same with my Savior but it’s more difficult sometimes, because it is a majority, but even with that, is doable, to resist trying to save someone. I think that similar to empathy generally, I filter things through my savior element automatically so to separate from that does take a bit of thought.
Hi NA,
It was not on the blog.
Hi AV,
Thank you for your reply and thanks HG for making it easy to find and reply to it. Xx
My Carrier is 25% too. My Savior is 50%….going on memory here and Geyser is 25%. I believe that’s correct. Explains why I’ve rescued my dog three times from other, bigger dogs. Savior part is a big piece of me and my Standard is 55%, why I have such empathy even for strangers…I’m just a marshmallow in the center, don’t mind the thorns on the outside, that’s just my Geyser emotions making my Savior part on guard…I see how they all work together now, with me. It’s why when I first meet people, I’m guarded and quiet, testing the waters with my toes, my Contagion steps in with the feeling for bad vibes…it’s 18% but, very effective at warning me…usually my nerves will shake and I feel on edge….when I listen to the signs of dangers, sometimes I’m a dumbass and ignore the signs….after I get to know people and they’re friendly, I’ll open up and be my goofy Geyser self, when in a playful mood…when serious, my Savior comes to the front and stands ready. I’m usually in that mood now at work, Savior out, serious face, serious manner, getting projects done, no time for bs. It also keeps the narcs from bothering me. If they come around me, I just give them my best, “not today” face…Savior is like, Hello, fk off. I’m about accomplishing my goals at work, got plans and moving forward. It’s probably why you’ve noticed more seriousness about me AV, my Savior side is being used, my Dark Wolf, as I called it. My CoDependent side is my white wolf, as i called it. I try to push her down at work and only let her out around trusted people. She gets way too attached, too quickly and completely, she’s allowed out with people I feel affection for, love for them. They get in my protection circle. What I love, I protect very fiercely. That is how I see myself with my schools and cadres. Do you see that too? Except obviously not at work. 😆 xx I’m enjoying learning more and more, HG and AV. Xx Thank you xx
Hi Rebecca,
I had not realized, or recently at least, how similar our cadres are, or standard also. I can relate to much of what you wrote about how they manifest in you, though I stay guarded and quiet around almost everyone, except for my kids, they are the ones I am different with, more relaxed. And I’m not a marshmallow, it’s more like people have to earn my trust, then I’ll soften toward them. But at the same time I am soft and kind toward everyone. I just know my limits and if I allow myself to get stretched too thin, it is not good for anyone.
When I hear some things about Contagion, I am glad not to have it, it feels overwhelming to me just from the descriptions.
Yes, it could be your savior that I’m seeing. Mine is pretty serious also. I do like to laugh, but I’m not a jokester myself. Your names are very cool, I had not considered naming my schools and cadres.
Yes, I have a strong and fearless mama bear instinct, I am certain that my savior shows then. I am not strong or fearless about many things, most things I do not care about enough.
My job has helped grow my confidence also. I told them in a meeting last week that I’ve seen myself becoming less afraid of interacting with people as a result of my job, I’ve learned that I will be okay no matter what is thrown at me. This blog and HG have been very instrumental in that happening, I don’t think it would have without HG, the blog/bloggers, EDC and TDC.
Twice recently I have been approached by men in public, I learned I am still scared of that! More work to do.
Thanks for the chat Rebecca.
Rebecca,
I have just read your comment about somebody not being very nice to you online. That’s awful, I just don’t get why people can’t treat others the way they would like to be treated themselves! How much easier would life be then! I didn’t see the comment you are referring to, but whatever was said, please do your best to just ignore them (not easy, I know), as like you said, none of it is true, and tbh it just sounds like the rantings of a complete tosser! By the way, I think you are brave posting under your real first name on here. I don’t normally use aliases, but I do on here – my name has nothing to do with either J or B! Xx
Hi JB, I suspect those people that are nasty to others online are often narcissists, we know why they do it! Definitely a loser.
Your handle caught me off guard when I first arrived, it is a handle I have used in other places on occasion! 😃
Nice to see you, hope all is well.
Hi AV,
Sorry about the handle catching you off guard! To be honest, it simply stands for the rather unimaginative ‘Joe Bloggs’, as I couldn’t think of anything else at the time! 😂
I’m ok thanks, how are you doing? Xx
JB,
That made me chuckle, lol! Now ever time I see you, I’m going to think Joe Bloggs! LOL!
Haha, that made me giggle! Joe Bloggs…I looked it up and found in the UK it means “average man on the street”! I expect you are far from average, you’re an amazing empath!
I am doing well, thanks! Have been spending more time with my kids and grandkids lately, for a couple of years there they were kind of on hold while I was learning about narcissism! We certainly come out of it different than when we went in! Take care JB!
Hi AV,
Ah thanks for the compliment! Don’t quite know about me being amazing, but your kind words made my day, so thank you xx
Sorry to take so long to reply (sorry Rebecca as well!), been hectic here recently, lots going on..still try to read here when I can though. Glad you have been able to enjoy more family time. Grandkids sound lots of fun! xx
Hi JB,
Thank you for your kind words and advise. I’m calming down, but I’d still like to know who it was…I may never know..
Thanks, but I don’t think I’m brave, I just do some things without worry. I know I speak the truth of my childhood and any family member of my mother’s knew how she was, for the most part…exception is her one cousin…for she grew up with my mother like a sister and she was kind to her… I have no fear of the truth, for I lived it and she’s gone, passed away…she can’t tell me to shut up and she can’t slap me for talking. She has no power over me.
My husband? He wouldn’t have the patience to read the articles, understand them or the comments here. He won’t even read subtitles in a foreign film. He says, “If I wanted to read, I’d pick up a book!” Right before he picks another movie, so he can keep himself glued to the TV. Yeah, no worries there. My brother and dad are passed too. My stepdaughter? She’d have to stop complaining first to be able to read and then she’d not understand the articles and be blinded to the fact that she’s a narcissist, like her dad. I’m not brave, I just know who I’m dealing with, I see them clearly. Xx
Hi Rebecca,
I agree with JB. I find it incredibly brave that you use your real name too. Not just because of the risk of being found but also because you’re exposing your real self here. That would scare the heck out of me.
I operate with a wall up. But here my wall is lowered. I don’t allow people to see this side of me because that would make me vulnerable and I can’t do vulnerable. I’m perceived as cold and even mean sometimes and I’m ok with that. I actually prefer it. I don’t trust most people because often when I’ve let them in, they’ve thrown my choices and my life back in my face.
So if someone from my real life found me here, it would give them an opportunity to use my life against me and I can’t have that.
You’re open and honest and being true to yourself. I think its incredibly brave and admirable.
Hi Leigh,
Thank you, but I don’t see it as being brave. I am just me. I’m the same me on here, as I am in life off the blog. I’m a little more guarded with narcs at work, but even there I’m just being more serious because I got goals at work that I’m serious about, so I’m more serious with set goals. Here, this is my education time, my self exploring time, my growing time and of course interacting with all of you and HG xx I enjoy being here for a lot of reasons. In fact, MLSOMATIC husband has been giving me some shit lately for the time I spend on my phone with you all here. He doesn’t know who I chat with, the blog he hasn’t a clue what it is, where it is etc, eventhough we used to listen to HG together. He no longer has interest in HG’S work. He just knows my focus isn’t on him and it’s a threat to his control. I just go in my room, close the door and I use my earbuds. HG is in my ears and nothing else exist, during my free time. 🙃
It’s funny that you and JB call me brave, my dad used to call me brave too, because I would do things, even when afraid to do them. My desire to do, is stronger than my fear to do at times. It’s not bravery with me, it’s determination and stubbornness. It’s the way I see it. 😆 xx I want something bad enough, I’ll work for it and go after it. I want my freedom, I’m going to get it. Xx
Rebecca,
I agree. I’ve learned and grown so much since being here. Mr. Tudor has given me a tremendous gift. He’s given me knowledge and the missing puzzle piece. I enjoy interacting here as well. I suppose that’s one of the reasons I don’t want to share my real name. I don’t want anyone to take that away from me. This is mine and I don’t want any of the narcs to find me here. Its my hiding spot.
My narc husband has delusions of grandeur so I don’t think he even realizes that I’m not focused on him. I spend absolutely no time with him at all. I’m like you, when I’m home, I’m in my bedroom. What’s crazy is he really believes that our marriage is rock solid and that he’s the best thing since sliced bread.
In general, I don’t have that determination like you do. I wish I did. Sometimes if things get too tough, I back off. I am determined about my freedom though. I’m working towards that goal. I’m getting closer. One day Rebecca, we’ll both be free.
Rebecca,
You’re welcome xx
I’m not surprised you want to know (who it was), I would do too, in your situation. One of the hardest things for me is not engaging in explaining myself when somebody speaks inaccurately and/or unfairly about me – it’s the injustice, isn’t it? But being here has taught me that I need to accept that it’s fruitless trying to do this, and to just walk away from it. Admittedly I’m still learning with that one, but I’m slowly getting there!
I see your point about you just wanting to speak your truth, and that that includes your name. For me, though, I like the anonymity. I feel free to offload about my personal experience of narcissists in my life without the worry of any associated fallout xx
JB,
I did the Trait Detector and it showed the very high empathic traits I knew about me, like my truthseeker trait is high, it makes me get mad when someone tells lies about me, so I understand your need to explain yourself, I get that urge to clarify my intentions and my truth. I can’t stand to be misunderstood and judged on that misunderstanding. I must fix it. In fact, I had an issue with my stepdaughter spearing me a few times, the most recent time, she really pissed me off and I had a hard time not wanting to hurt her. If you knew her, you’d understand how hard it was for me to hold myself back. I’m not usually a violent person, but she could make anyone want to lose their shit. She likes to poke the bear…Anyway, I managed not to have to dig a hole for her. I can see how that truthseeker trait and honesty trait can be corrupted and turned against me. The narcissistic trait of Pride was another one that can be corrupted for me. I have pride in my family history and military history and that also can be used against me, poking the bear again and flaring up that anger trait. I see how my narc husband pushes my buttons. It doesn’t work so easy for him now, because I’m aware of what he’s doing and how he’s doing it , and I deflect back to him, his own bs. I know deflecting is still giving him fuel, but I have issue with keeping my mouth shut. I know, I know. I’m working on it. Xx
Hi Leigh,
That determination I have, that I mentioned, is just the fighter in me that doesn’t quit. It used to drive my mother nuts that she couldn’t completely control me. I laughed, when my aunts told me the stories she told them about me. Her smearing me..telling them I cussed at her for no reason and that I was so strong willed and stubborn, too much for her to control. She didn’t like that I had my own mind and opinions, and I wasn’t her little robot to mindless do everything she said. I fought her and so to her, I was defective and not operating to her liking. I see it now, why I drove her to hit me, attack me. It was all about control for her and I wouldn’t give it up to her.
It’s why my narc husband is manipulating me more now, than he did before. He’s trying to keep me here, though he doesn’t realize he’s manipulating me, or trying to, it’s not working for him either. He’s trying to make me dinner, I refuse to eat his meals he makes. Instead, I’ll make myself something to eat. He cuts the grass, while I’ll do laundry or clean inside. He’ll come in and say, “I cut the grass!” I ll reply, “I did the laundry” I think he expects me to just gush over him cutting the grass, but I did it for years, what’s the big deal. I know I probably sound like an asshole, but he’s just doing it to manipulate me. Look how nice I am, what a good husband I am, look how I do things, look I’m doing this too….OK, great. Glad you’re doing things, congratulations, you’re being a responsible adult, glad you decided to be an adult now, after 19 years of marriage. Manipulations , I see them for what they are. Am I being an ass?? Am I correct?? I feel like an ass. Part of me feels bad for being mad at him, but I am mad at him. He took me for granted for years, treated me like shit, was verbally abusive, emotionally abusive, shoved me once and made me afraid of him a few times. He’s not husband of the year by no means. I have to remind myself of that. He can turn on a dime. My dog shakes, whenever he raises his voice and I pay attention to that. I even asked him, did you hit …..? Why is he scared of you? He vehemently denies hitting him and this just makes me more determined. Xx
Hi Rebecca,
You don’t sound like an asshole. I agree with you 100% All of sudden they’re doing things and they want to be recognized for it. Where the fuck were they during the rest of marriage? Its definitely a manipulation. Maybe their paranoia is getting to them. Good!
I hope your husband hasn’t done anything to your sweet doggy. Hopefully your doggy just shakes because your husband is loud. I know my kitty cats scatter when I get too loud. Sometimes even when I’m just talking I get loud. I’ve been told in the past that I have a voice that goes right through people. Maybe your doggy is just sensitive to the sound, I hope.
Hi Leigh,
Thanks for the encouraging words that I’m not an asshole. I’m sure my husband would have moments he’d disagree with you.
I hope you’re right about my dog. He might just be afraid of his loud voice. I really hope he’s not hurting my dog. I haven’t noticed him limping or having any soreness. I would just explode if he hurt my dog. I don’t even want to think about that.
Rebecca,
“I’m working on it” – well, that’s a good start! You aren’t alone, I struggle to not fight my corner when I perceive an injustice or inaccuracy as well. It’ll take a while, but we will both get there eventually, don’t give up! Xx
Thanks JB,
I think we all are a work in progress, well most of us anyway, don’t want to speak for everyone 😆xx We will get there, I won’t give up, I don’t know how. Xx
Hi AV,
I can see the Carrier and Savior in you, especially in the beginning, when I first started coming to the blog. You were so helpful and kind. I felt genuine care and concern from you. In the beginning my emotions here were raw and freshly bleeding, so I was hyperactive with my emotions being so upset and above the surface like they get when I’m upset, angry or hurt, and when I’m very happy too. 😊
After coming here and being here learning so much, I’ve learned to control my feelings better and be more mindful of how much I let them show. I enjoy your feedback, it helps me get another’s perception of what they see.
Remember how I used to question myself about being a narc and I’d fret on it a lot? I don’t do that much anymore, mainly because I look at my behaviors, like HG said, and see the evidence of my empathy , my obligations to people and my deep feeling of accountability on myself, especially at work and with loved ones.
I’m still too hard on myself, as some people, who know me tell me. It’s the Codependent in me 27%, telling me to please, don’t disappoint and don’t make mistakes. I have huge guilt over mistakes and carry them around a lot. I haven’t learned to let things go. I’ll beat myself up for weeks, over a mistake and no one even knows how I feel because I hide it well. At least I think I do, but I’ve been told it shows up on my face. My face hides nothing of my emotions…and I think I do a good job hiding them. 😅 It’s almost laughable. I think I’m making a blank face, no emotion and I get asked, what’s wrong? Why aren’t you smiling and chipper? I usually tell them, Sorry I’m in my head today, which is true…I’m mulling things over and over…Sorry, I wrote too much again…xx
AV, We’re you surprised by the results of your Empath Traits, or the Empath detector? I was, I expected my Contagion to be higher, it’s 18%. The traits surprised me, especially Pride trait. I don’t see myself as a prideful person, or maybe he comes out in the way that I’m proud of where I come from and my military family, not so much about my own self.
Rebecca, isn’t it amazing how learning what’s happened to us, what’s going on currently also, helps us calm down and be more rational? I love it. It’s slowed the chaos in my mind and allowed me to put things away and focus on other, more current and valuable things, than just my past or my own sense of deficiency.
You are not a narcissist. No way. Just the fact that you have worried about it says no way and of course HG’s professional consult confirms it. You show empathy here also, you connect with people on an emotional level. I am glad that you no longer worry about that, it just wastes brain power. I have the occasional thought of it also, there was a time many years ago when it really worried me, but now I don’t allow those thoughts to stay and waste my time.
I have that same sense regarding mistakes, in fact that has been discussed here because of a mistake I made once which involved HG. The strength of emotion over that mistake surprised me but since working through that with him, I give myself a little more slack, I go to the evidence now. This also has helped calm my mind. I am human, mistakes happen, they are not the end of the world. I have no CoD, maybe for me it’s just an empath thing. And, I think we do have tells for our emotional state but are often also able to hide it behind a smile. Narcissists can read us like a book.
Please don’t apologize for writing “too much”, look back at how much I used to write, it will be a relief! Yours, I feel like, is nothing to how much I used to write. My entire life is chronicled on this blog!
I was only a little surprised by my EDC and TDC results, I had not a lot of expectation going into them because I had only been here a few days then. They were the first consults I did. I was mostly relieved not to be a narcissist! My pride surprised me a little but since it has become glaringly apparent, I have seen that when I’m thin skinned, it is often a result of pride. The good thing is that now that I recognize this, I can decide how to respond, not be ruled by my pride and just accept an injury. Vanity, which was also high, did not surprise me. Truthseeker was a little surprising but more because it is such a part of me that it was a “couldn’t see the trees for the forest” sort of thing, like my savior. I disagreed with savior for a while, until I was here for a bit and various bloggers explained how it manifests in them, that was very helpful. The very high super was a bit of a surprise but it’s also clear to me now. I feel like the consults were more accurate than I was in my own perception of myself actually and I’ve always been glad to have done them first thing.
The EDC also helped me identify at least one of my ex’s. I could not see narc for him at all, he was one of the last NDC’s that I did because I couldn’t see it, he was just so very “nice” (🤢)! But being here for a few months with my EDC info in the back of my mind, as I learned more I thought, okay, I’ll send him in, just to be sure (that he’s not). Well, he was the exact type HG had told me in my EDC that would be attracted to me! That blew me away! And all the consistent elements I’d been hearing over all those months were there, I knew HG was correct.
Anyway, this was a lengthy response, thank you for moderating HG. I hope I have answered your questions Rebecca. We are doing well, we are learning and growing, it’s all good! 💕
Hi AV and HG,
I’m rewriting my whole reply now, as it just got deleted before I could save it or send it. I click to backspace and it just disappears….I just want to scream and cuss…
Anyway, here we go again…fun…fun…
Thanks AV for responding to my comment and HG thanks for moderating. Learning what I went through and what I’m currently in the middle of, has helped me reduce my responses to my narc husband and helped me detach myself from him. What I’m having problems with is my obligations I feel towards the house and husband. HG told me, I just have to do it anyway, despite the guilt. I hate this guilt and I’m not going to let it beat me. Steel my spine and move forward, I tell myself.
Like you, I made a mistake ,which involved HG. I won’t go into detail, but I cried about it a lot and still feel bad about it. I wonder sometimes if I caused permanent damage to how HG views me. I worry too much, I’ve been told. My worrying is even annoying to me, but I can’t seem to control it. It’s like a merry-go-round I can’t stop. I think it’s my codependent part of me being triggered by my worrying thoughts of being a disappointment and letting him done. I do that whenever I make a mistake. I have a hard time forgiving myself and I never forget it. I just hope it’s still good. Xx I try to hide my pain, but it gets all over the carpet anyway. I’m no good at blanking my expression or holding my feelings for long, they come through and bubble up. I can hold my tongue, what I say, but not how I feel. That’s just me, I guess and it’s who I am.
I feel like my whole life is here on this blog, written by me for everyone to read. I feel I released some ghosts, my mother, my brother and dad, all passed away. Releasing some of the memories has helped me through some of the tougher feelings. I understand now my mother’s behaviors, why it seemed she hated me at times. Why I could never please her and she would never acknowledge she had feelings for me. She told me, she didn’t bond with me. Now I know why, she couldn’t. I still don’t hate her. I resent her, for how she treated me. I need to do more healing. I hope some day to not feel this pain she left in me. I hope to grow more here and to learn more here. Here is where I’m supported and where I belong. I’m very grateful to be here. Xx ❤️ ❤️ Thank you both xx
Rebecca,
I cried a lot about my mistake too! And then spoke with HG about it and it was fine! It was such an amazing lesson, set of lessons really, now I’m actually glad it happened. I learned that I don’t have to be so hard on myself, that going to the evidence is the best way to deal with a concern, that even if someone is upset (which he wasn’t really) I can handle discussing it honestly, and other things also. I would probably still cry if it happened again though, because I feel like I’ve let someone else down, that part is like the guilt you’re struggling with. I hope you are able to find a way around it, it is difficult but it is doable. I do not feel guilty about my ANC with my mom at all. I think for me it came when I realized that she really has no concern whatsoever for my well being or future, and never has, except as it affects her. The absolute selfishness of my own mother toward me. When that sank in, I released feeling concern for her. It just ended it for me.
You will grow and learn more if you stick around, things will become easier with time and as you make changes in your life. I think at about 2 years I started feeling a bit like I was gaining on it. A bit. A bit less scared of everything and more confident that I can spot signs before trouble. It is a really great place to be. And knowing that HG is there if I need his input is very reassuring. Hang in there Rebecca, things are looking up for both of us!
AV,
Forgot to mention…the LMRSomatic I dealt with at work, is the exact narcissist that HG told me in my EDC, is the main narcissist that is attracted to me the most,go figure….explains a lot of how quickly and vehemently he wrapped around me. A very painful experience and looking back from 2021, he’s not even attractive. Xx
Rebecca, those detectors are amazing, aren’t they?!!
Hi AV,
I think it’s more amazing that HG can see us so well! It’s why I asked him, if he sees anything else with me, besides my schools and cadres that were on my EDC? I was curious and wanting to know. Xx
Yes, Rebecca, I agree, that’s why I asked HG also. He is very perceptive!
If it wasn’t for a large expense from my budget (or my stinginess :P), I would gladly do Empathy Detector again. Now – when N2 doesn’t distract me anymore, when I managed to move away from Narcissists at work (as much as I can), when I re-arranged family relationships.
I am calmer. My answers might be a little different now.
And I remember that one of my answers was definitely wrong. Later, I remembered this fact from my life 🙂
—–
Has anyone checked the results again?
Rebecca, thank you for your kind words in this comment, I appreciate that. And your observations of my Carrier and Savior showing.
Today my son, unexpectedly, made a comment that it’s hard to know how others are perceiving us! I was so surprised! This is after I’ve shared with him what I see his entire life! Maybe some people, you, I, my son, for some reason just struggle with that? I’m a bit confused about it now.
Hi AV,
No worries, I still worry from time to time if I’m a bad person, so you’re not alone with overthinking about your character. Xx I understand how you feel. I’ve done the EDC twice and I still doubt my character at times. I’ll even ask HG every now and then, am I a narc? HG, thankfully, has been patient with me on that, I believe he understands where my worry comes from and why I worry…then, I could be wrong on what I think. I question myself and why I do things and react to things the way I do. How angry I get, I worry it’s fury, but HG said, no. I think it’s just my Geyser emotions. My most recent self observation is, how can I search for stimuli and at times be overstimulated?? I guess it depends on the stimuli?? I can’t tolerate anxious energy because it makes me feel anxious. I absorb that energy into my own body and it happens every time I get near anxious people, like my best friend’s daughter with ADHD. And HG, if that happens every time, why am I only 18% Contagion?? I get so confused with myself that I wonder if I’m just an oddball.
I also noticed that certain noises are irritating to me, like someone slurping soup or chewing loudly…makes me want to tape their mouth shut. What’s up with that? Am I being a snob for them having bad table manners? Or is it a sensory thing? I’m thinking sensory, because I am sensitive to my environment and noise is an environmental stimuli. I wish I knew the correct answers. HG? AV? Anyone? Xx
Rebecca, I believe I have some CPTSD, it will sometimes make me very sensitive to sounds, smells, touch. When it happens I have to get away from whatever’s causing it and spend some time alone to calm myself. I don’t know if that’s a possibility for you but it might be something to consider? Whatever’s causing your stress, I hope you are successful in figuring it out. It will surely improve once you are in NC with the narcs in your life. Do you think that could be the biggest issue?
Hi AV,
I have CPTSD too, been diagnosed a few times throughout my life. I don’t know, tell you the truth, I’ve lived with a narc mother and now narc husband, so I don’t know what life is like without them. I’ve always been on alert, my whole life, now I know why I’m hyper alert and ready, like a high strung horse. I know my husband calls me uptight, it’s a criticism of me. I’m used to it. He doesn’t even realize he’s being rude. He’s so unaware of his behaviors, I sometimes think, he can’t be that dimwitted, not to see how he’s acting. Well, apparently he can. Go figure my luck.
Hi Rebecca,
Your comment about taping their mouth shut when chewing loudly or slurping made me laugh. You’re not being a snob. They have poor table manners. No one wants to hear that. Its incredibly rude on their part.
Your question about seeking out stimuli and then feeling overstimulated was interesting to me. I don’t seek out stimuli but my daughter does and then she gets over stimulated as well. She can’t tolerate anxious energy either. She’ll get very anxious herself and sometimes will even explode. She can get angry as well. She’s high in Geyser and has 18% Contagion like you. No CoD though. She’s majority Standard. She sometimes finds it difficult to focus too if there’s too much going on around her. When there’s other conversations going on around her, she finds it distracting. That can bother me too. When she wants something, she has unyielding determination as well. She pushes through the fear. She works in the city because that’s where she can make the most money. She takes the train, then the subway and then walks a couple of blocks. No fear at all. She wants it and she does it.
I don’t know what the answer is but I thought I’d share so you’d know that others experiences are similar. Thank you for sharing a bit of your story. It helps me to understand my daughter better as well.
Rebecca, it will be different if you are narc free at some point, you won’t even believe how different. And I’m not 100% narc free quite yet even. But I’ve come down somewhat from they hyper-alert state, if I’m in my own space. That is so difficult to live with. I is super interesting, literally less than 60 seconds before I read your comment my daughter was asking me if he grandma honestly doesn’t see how she comes across. They really are deluded, the unaware ones.
Hi Leigh,
Your daughter does sound like me, I’m 50% Standard, 27%Codependent and 18% Contagion. I’m 55% Savior, 25% Carrier and 25% Geyser. Does your daughter have any Savior? With that determination and drive, she must have Savior in her. That’s the part in me that’s the fighter, the talk back, the daredevil and also what I call my Dark Wolf. My mother hated the Savior part in me, it was the part that rebelled against her control, the part she couldn’t bring to heel. It’s the same part my husband calls the stubborn ass. I fight with him too, verbal fights. He just said yesterday, “If I tell you to do something, that’s it, I know it’ll be a cold day in hell before you’ll do it. I might as well do it now.” He’s right. I won’t do it because he was being a bear, demanding I do something for him and now I won’t. He’s rude, so the answer is no. That’s my Savior acting as defense for me. It’s the way I see it. Am I wrong?
I’m glad your daughter is determined and charges forward, I know how she feels during those times, if she’s like minded, it’s her anger that’s the energy driving her forward, seeming to be fearless, when it’s just furious determination. It’s what keeps me going, on my hardest days, just the boiling Geyser anger. I explode when taunted too much, I also find loud conversations close to me distracting and irritating. My husband was slurping on a watermelon earlier and I told him, he sounded like a big dog chewing it’s ass. I know it was mean, but he was slurping so loud! He laughed, he thought I was funny. I felt like an ass and he’s laughing. See why I think I’m an ass?? I get so angry with him.
Rebecca,
A big dog licking his ass! That’s fantastic! You said the truth, lol!
You really are a lot like my daughter. You must have similar traits too. That story about your husband telling you to do something and you not doing it, is my daughter too. If someone makes demands on my daughter, she won’t do it either. Her father will make demands and she’ll dig her heels in. I wonder if that’s her pride and defiance? She’s high in both. Are you?
She has no CoD. She’s majority standard with Contagion and Super. In her cadres she’s majority Geyser with equal parts of Magnet, Carrier and Savior.
I still don’t think you’re an asshole. You’re an empath whose has enough and empathy for him is eroding. Good. He doesn’t deserve your empathy anymore.
Thank you Leigh for sharing with me about your daughter and how we’re similar in behavior. It comforts me knowing I’m not the only one who has opposite reactions to stimuli, too much, need more…is confusing to me, about myself. I get bored and look for stimuli…in ways of activities to do to occupy myself with…going for a run, walk in nature, bike ride whatever, get out and do, can’t be cooped up and bored, drives me nuts. Thanks again for sharing and thanks HG for moderating xx
Hi AV,
I spend time in my bedroom, when home, it’s my sanctuary. I plan on moving on from my narc husband. I’m not giving up my job, even if I have to transfer to another building, in another State, I will do that. I gotta have some sense of normalcy in my life and my job and friends are that for me. I need that comfort and support, otherwise I get too anxious. I’ll adapt, if I have to, but I much rather have some sense of routine and familiarity in my life. I’ve moved several times, being an ex Navy kid and I can adapt quickly….so whatever happens to work, I’ll do it. Xx
I’m feeling so confident at work now, it’s a great feeling and I have friends at work, who support me in my plans too.
I hope your mother isn’t making things hard for you. I know you mentioned before that she lives with you now. I feel for you, I can’t imagine living with my mother again. I’d have to build her a she shed in the back yard. I’d put in an AC and heat, and hopefully a bigger lock on my door. 😆 xx
My daughter, who was going through quite difficult moments and stress, caused by her earlier laziness and escapism from the problem – shouted to me recently: “And stop believing in me like that! I’m not like that at all!” 🙂
I know exactly what you are. Similar mechanisms…
Believing in someone – obliges, right? 🙂
Damn idealizing – how to get rid of it? 🙂
Or is it… a tactic?
Hi Joa, interesting comment, my son also claimed at times that I didn’t see him as he is, that I gave him to much credit. Now that he’s an adult I’ve not heard it for a while. I think it felt like pressure when I said that he could do something, I quit saying it, had to bite my tongue sometimes, but now he tells me as he figures out things he’s realized he can in fact do. It’s been exciting to see! And now I have to bite my tongue not to say I told him so! 😂
Hi JOA and AV,
I can relate to both of your kids here because my dad would tell me, you can do anything you put your mind to, you’re smart and capable. I would tell him, I’m not that smart dad, not as smart as you are. I wish I was as smart as you. He would tell me, that we each have our own talents and capabilities and one isn’t greater than the other. I thought he saw me wrong, saw me differently than I was.
He used to amaze me and I’d admire his abilities with mathematics. He could take a whole sheet of numbers and calculate the answer in his head so quickly. He was an engineer and had the mind geared for that. Whereas I have more artistic talents of painting, drawing, singing and literature…I enjoy writing, not an author, but i have more of the creative mind, where he was of an analytical mindset. I think he saw me, I just didnt see , what he saw in me. I learned recently that he was right, i am smart in my own way. Xx.
HG, today you’re crossing the 5000 video mark on Youtube. Do you know how many years of your life you’ve gifted to us ingrates? Where would we be without you? Thank you so much, and may all your plans come to fruition even better than you planned!
Dear Ultra,
is the seduction of a DLS typically without gifts?
Not necessarily.
HG are you worried about AI? Do feel it should be regulated? I would think so due to copy right issues? Or revealing privacy in the wrong hands unregulated. Do greaters fear AI? Tell us your opinions on AI!
What are the evident differences between a MMR A false angel and an UMR false angel?
UMR isn’t the Overwhelming Angel type, MMR A is.
Ok. Thank you Ultra.
I still have many doubts about this.
Unfortunately after 6 years I don’t have clear memories (+CPTSD) so I can’t use N detector.
Sometimes I think she was a MMR A Overwhelming Angel sometimes I think she was an UMR false Angel. Because she was a little “masculine” and grandiose… Somatic, this is quote sure. Very seductive, very stupid.
Hi Black Phoenix,
I don’t know how severe your CPTSD symptoms are, but I can assure you that you don’t need to recall all the smallest details of your past to answer the Narc Detector Questionnaire. I encourage you to try to do it. I think you stand a better chance of feeling better faster if HG tells you exactly what type of narcissist you dealt with and where you were in her fuel matrix.
This way you can figure out your situation and stop ruminating about this woman and your past with her (which is also a violation of the no contact regimen). Good luck
Are the MMR A more dangerous, skilled and evils than MMR B?
I would not say they are more dangerous, skilled or evil than MMR B, they may be harder to spot as they trade in supposed compassion, kindness and false empathy. You may regard that as more dangerous.
Thank You Ultra.
My narc father is visiting me for couple weeks and we will be staying in same roof for 3 weeks. If I tell him I have some kind of ailment and need to rest, will that signal to him I’m broken and cause him to go find fuel elsewhere?
No.
Got it, thanks. I got your parental package, almost done, great material! Thank you!
I guess I’ll create a trip to avoid so much time together.
Jolly good.
Dear Ultra,
who is the most “evil” mid-range during devaluation of a IPSS-DLS?
I mean… who is more cruel in obtaining fuel from the pain.
Of the Mid Rangers, it would be UMR.
HG, 10 days ago a young pregnant woman was killed by “her” narcissist near Milan, Italy… She had found out he was cheating on her. She made an appointment with him and his other woman at the bar where he worked because she wanted him to explain what was going on. He asked her not to meet there but she insisted so he left before the two women arrived. They (IPPS and IPSS) talked a lot and both got mad at him. The IPPS then texted him on WhatsApp, insulted him and told him to wait for her at home because they had to talk. Later at home during the argument he stabbed her to death and tried to burn her in the bathtub. Then he tried again in the garage and not being able to reduce her to ashes as he wanted, he hid her mangled corpse in a nearby wood. They are still trying to figure out what happened in detail. Either way, he confessed to the murder (he’d made too many mistakes and couldn’t lie for too long). I am absolutely sure she would still be alive if she had known narcissistic dynamics through your work. What can we do to spread your work faster in countries where English is not the native language, HG?
The translation of my works is the key to spreading work of my work where people do not speak English. This is something that will happen. I am in discussion with somebody to project manage a major translation project of my work into several languages, across the books and videos.
I hope this project will be realized very soon, HG. Thank you
Congratulations on winning the FA Cup! You called it, of course. Wasn’t that good of you to fan the flames for Gündogan? He’s only on fire when playing for City. Whenever he’s wearing the white shirt, he’s somehow disappointing, except for that 2014 semifinal against Brazil (in a red shirt, though). Maybe because we don’t have a President Erdogan in Germany… Have fun celebrating, just remember to wake up on time for the CL final.
Thank you.
How kind of you not to exploit that open goal I left there. After writing this, I thought, did Gündogan play in the 2014 game at all? Sure enough, he wasn’t in the squad. My team had a miserable week, so you will have to get all the lucky breaks on Saturday. No luck needed, of course, but sometimes the ball bounces just so….
Hello Mr. Tudor,
If we have a couple of ideas of famous people for you to analyze on Youtube, do you prefer that we post it on this forum or send you an email?
I thought of doing the latter but don’t want to bust any boundaries. I have a couple on this side of The Pond that you might be interested in doing, if you haven’t already.
Thanks!
Email – hgtudorvideo@gmail.com
Hi HG, Can someone be a part-time narcissist? Like a Jeckyll and Hyde or is the Jeckyll just a fake façade. If so, is the façade unconscious in a lower or middle range narcissist?
No.
Is it common for an UMR somatic woman have more IPSS at the same time?
For example 2 Classic IPSS + 1 DLS
During devaluation this is a distinct possibility.
Hi BP,
I recommend this:
https://youtu.be/p-h7Qv3XYdw
Thank you!
Dear HG–is sexual fluidity (in terms of choice of partners) uncommon in female empaths? If fluidity is present, is it related to the narcissistic traits of the empathic woman, or is it a manifestation of other causes in personality formation? Thank you.
It is uncommon.
In non-narcissists it is not a product of the factors which are present when a narcissist exhibits sexual fluidity as this is driven by the narcissism’s need for the Prime Aims. Empaths do not seek the Prime Aims.
That makes a lot of sense. Things are much clearer. Thank you.
HG.
Regarding the first five years of your life…
How much of that period (as a percentage) did you spend living in the same house as your half brother Robert?
I don’t know.
“— What would you have done if other employees came to you telling you that he was playing such games with them?
In my HR role, I would’ve investigated the situation first and if I found he was guilty of harassment, he would’ve been let go.”
The narcissist could raise a grievance and may hold evidence of having an affair with someone in HR department = conflicts of interest and therefore, HR may not have been appropriate to investigate, no matter how many others were affected by him. HR are already ‘implicated’. HR’s bosses / line manager may have handled it differently. The narcissist may contract a lawyer outside of work and claim for loss of employment / unfair treatment. Either the employer supports HR, or feed them to the wolves especially if lawyers from outside the company got involved. These kind of things can end up in the press. The husband finds out………
HG
I feel like women respond positively to narcissists. I have been unable to get involved with any women except narcissists or personality disordered up until now.
Do you have a guide on how someone might meet and seduce a lovely empath for themselves?
Other than what’s written here.
It seems mostly about faking shared interests. But I find if I have a shared interest with a woman it makes no difference.
Arrange a consultation with me.
How would an adult female narcissist respond to being sexually assaulted, a victim of a horrendous crime? How would her narcissism react differently than a regular woman being victimized that way? Would she experience trauma and PTSD like a normal person or would her narcissism respond differently to the trauma?
It would amount to being a threat to control. She would need to nullify the threat and would do so through one of the three assertions of control. She may well use the incident to pursue fuel, character traits and residual benefits also. She may believe she has experienced trauma as a consequence of the assault and use that again with regard to the prime aims.
Great question Luci! I have often wondered the same. I guess, the lack of control in such a situation would feel traumatising but more with regard to not feeling in control rather than as a non N would in experiencing true trauma.