Questioning Me

Do feel free to ask me anything you like. I am here for you to dip into my mind and for you to benefit from learning how I view the world. No question is off limits and if you want to establish a dialogue with me, then so much the better. You will be helping me so I can show the treatment team that I am interacting with people in this setting. You can ask me why I do certain things, what am I thinking, what my favourite food is, whatever you like. This is your chance to extract as much knowledge and information from me as you possibly can. If you want to just make a statement, go ahead. Fill your boots. I don’t know you so I won’t fly into a rage (this does happen when people I know question me but that is because they have an agenda – you don’t because we don’t know one another). I look forward to hearing from you.

4,799 thoughts on “Questioning Me

  1. In so many words says:

    HG, do you think a male narcissist is more likely than a non narcissist to donate sperm, particularly to become a prolific donor or do it outside the confines of a sperm bank?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Somebody who is prolific, does so using false names so they can increase the number of donations and does so outside of the confines of a sperm bank (isn’t that called doing a lot of shagging?) is more likely to be exhibiting narcissistic traits and is more likely to be a narcissist.

      1. In so many words says:

        Thank you, HG. I was thinking that in addition to other genetic risks, women are buying themselves a genetic predisposition to narcissism. “But if you strip it down to bare facts, you have a man who for whatever reason feels they need to impregnate over 500 women, you have women who are comfortable knowing their children have 500 half siblings, in another setting people would be appalled. They would ask questions, find it very disturbing.”

        1. Another Cat says:

          Just like in countries with big harems. Lots of halfsiblings meeting up without knowing that they are.

          1. WiserNow says:

            Another Cat,

            What sort of choice did the halfsiblings have if their collective father was a test tube full of jiz?

        2. Contagious says:

          Can’t it also be for money? Poor college students?

          1. In so many words says:

            Contagious, of course. I mean more likely, not exclusively. Sperm banks also have strict rules about how many children one man can father.

        3. Witch says:

          @ in so many words

          A lesbian narc told me she’s donated eggs several times for money.

          I think it’s a red flag when people know they have biological children out there and it doesn’t effect them

          1. In so many words says:

            Witch, overall, I think women are more likely to do it for the money and/or out of empathy, because 1) it is a difficult and painful process for women, 2) they get much more money, and 3) they can only do it through official channels. On the other hand, an egg donor most in demand in the US is an Ivy League college student, and the process of Ivy League admissions favors narcissists (they like to see an overwhelming achievement in a particular area, not excelling in regular high school pursuits).

          2. Witch says:

            @in so many words

            I’m not sure about women being more likely to do it out of empathy…typically people with empathy have a drive to want to be around their biological children and make sure they survive into adulthood. People without it typically don’t have much of an issue with putting it about and considering the welfare of that child to be someone else’s responsibility

          3. Another Cat says:

            If an egg donor is a narcissist, then I think what typically happens is that she will stick around for years and years controlling the family who received the egg and had the child, on a daily or weekly basis, “to make sure the child has a good life and upbringing”.

            I think I’ve read an article written by an egg donor whom I suspected was a narcissist.

          4. annaamel says:

            Hi Witch,

            As I see it, women will donate eggs out of empathy for those who cannot become parents without those donations. In some countries donors legally cannot be paid, and it is a challenging process for women to donate eggs. Empathy is likely to be the main driver for those donations.

        4. Alexissmith2016 says:

          They didn’t use to have rules re number of donations. Plus there are ways around this. I agree, much more likely to be an N plus for the prolific ones, they’re putting an extraordinaryy number of genes out there with a significant possibility of also becoming an N

          1. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Hi Alexis,

            Just finished episode one of The Sixth Commandment.

            Very good. I spotted the psychopath’s move. The one thing he said that would have sealed the deal with the old teacher.

            I do think the psychopath is quite different to the narcissist. It’s attention to detail, planning, presentation, it’s timing though too. They take a shot to test for the weak spot, to test for the ‘in’. I think this shot comes early. Get the question right and they appear insightful, they would appear to ‘see’ you, even ‘know’ you. Get it wrong and it’s so subtle that the target would barely notice. It’s a pressing around the edges to find the key entry point that is the hidden vulnerability, the target point for manipulation. It’s a very conscious move, whereas with the narcissist it’s subconscious, so I think it’s messier, less accurate. The victim offers up the information to the unaware narcissist, whereas I think the psychopath tests then takes it.

            So far, I think episode one was accurate in the way the psychopath was depicted.

            What did you think of it ?


  2. Black Phoenix says:

    Can a Narc (MMR) use the messages (first stage of interaction) as conditioning tactic via “hot and cold”?
    Alternating very quicky response with very slow response (from few minutes to 10 h) ?
    Keeping the conversation alive for many days in order to create an abitude in the other person?

    HG will not respond probably…
    But I hope in the community… and in MMR Narcs 🙂

    1. HG Tudor says:


  3. Anna says:

    Dear HG

    You are an expert on narcissism and many other things.
    Have you ever considered working as a profiler for catching serial killers?
    Surely your knowledge could prove very valuable.

    1. Rebecca says:


      Funny you ask that, I’ve often thought that HG is a profiler already. After purchasing the Knowing HG series, that was one of my questions to HG about his career choice. I won’t spoil the answer. 😁

      1. Anna says:

        Thanks Rebecca. I will check it out after I have finished reading “Fuel”

      2. In so many words says:

        I thought so too. Because of HG’s level of knowledge of internal politics in so many countries (the series on Conspiracy Theories), and travel, I thought a political profiler.

    2. Contagious says:

      HG would be the BEST! I only hope he does!

  4. Anna says:


    Did you mother give you a nickname?
    Do you refer to her with her name or mother?
    Do you family have nicknames for each other?
    Did you give your father a nickname?
    Did you call him dad or father?
    How did your father shape the person you became?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Her name.
      He stimulated my intellectual curiosity in the world.

  5. Anna says:

    Dear HG

    Do you read all the emails I send you?
    Do they provide fuel?
    If so positive or negative?
    Do you enjoy getting emails from the tudorites?
    Do you think tudorite is a good and fitting name for us your fans?
    Will you make a t shirt with tudorite on it?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is not a case of enjoyment. I find many of them interesting, I find some pointless, I find some repetitive and intrusive.

  6. Black Phoenix says:

    Can an asperger friend with very strong N traits contribute to the cross pollution?

    1. Another Cat says:

      Hi Black Phoenix🙂

      very often that is actually a cerebral narcissist I have discovered.

      Some are empathic Aspies,
      some are Cerebral narcs.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Good comment, Another Cat 🙂

        1. Another Cat says:

          Thanks Asp Emp!

      2. Black Phoenix says:

        He could be.
        However we are friends since we were at university.
        He made an asp test years ago. He consider himself an aspie.

        I agree with you. Generally speaking many times asperger and Cerebral Narc are very similar… But many asperger have simply strong Narc defences.
        Example: Sheldon Cooper. He is not a Narcissist. He is an aspeger (or HF autist) with very strong narc traits.

        Maybe there are “true” hybrids. I mean… Narcissist with aspeger syndrome. But I don’t think this is the case.

        … Or all this is due to my emotional thinking and he is a narcissist. lol

        1. Another Cat says:

          Yes, emotional thinking always gets me.

          “Example: Sheldon Cooper. He is not a Narcissist. He is an aspeger (or HF autist) with very strong narc traits.”

          Agree. At least Jim Parsons doesn’t seem narcy at all. Probably an empathic individual.

          Cerebral narcissists have very distinct bodylanguage, imo, that’s how I recognise them. Rowan Atkinson might be one.

          Empathic Aspies/autists don’t really have that. More like average bodymovements only much more shy.

          But I think only HG’s Narc Detector can really help, at the end of the day, regarding your friend.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Another Cat, “Cerebral narcissists have very distinct body language” I laughed at that. I agree, regarding empath aspies and their being more shy. I also agree RE: Rowan (his eyes can be an additional tell).

          2. A Victor says:

            Another Cat,
            What is the distinct body language that cerebral narcissists have? I am so curious about this! Do the Elites have a degree of it also, being partly cerebral?

          3. Another Cat says:

            @A Victor
            Well they seem more ‘rigid’, and don’t react the same way as aspies/auties do, in my, nonprofessional, experience. But I could be wrong.

          4. A Victor says:

            Thank you AC, that is so interesting. I have never been aware of being around a cerebral, this may help me spot one of I ever am. In answer to my own other question, my dad was not stuff in movements at all, as an elite. Thank you again!

          5. Another Cat says:

            @A Victor, regarding your dad, my ex is Elite Upper Midrange narcissist, and, as you say, no rigid/stiff moves. More, sort of, elegant but arrogant.

          6. A Victor says:

            Yes, AC, that was my dad also. A masculine elegance. And arrogant, absolutely.

    2. Heidi says:

      Forgive me if I am not staying in my lane … wanted to throw in a quick comment:
      I am parent of a son with Asperger’s/high functioning autism and also high school special ed teacher who works with teens with autism.
      I don’t think people with autism could be classified in any of the 3 categories of empath, normal, or narcissist. They have autism. Just as a psychopath’s brain is different from ours, a person with autism has their own unique “wiring.”
      Their actions and words stem from where they are on the autism spectrum. For example, my son has extreme difficulty with nonverbal communication and does not sense when others are off put by his words or actions. There is no malice or forethought to either — he is responding according to his autism, just like we respond according to our empathy.
      I am not a psychologist, so again, this may be outside my lane of expertise. But my experiences with my son and my students would qualitatively point to behaviors driven by antecedent circumstances.
      If anyone with more expertise or experience would like to counter, please do! I am a lifelong learner on this.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Hi Heidi, it was interesting to read your comment, thank you for sharing your perceptions. I would like to suggest (if you have not already), view HG’s video ‘Autism or Narcissism’.

        Your son may be still developing his personality / characteristics. From my understanding and my own personal life experiences, autism is one of the “labels” that have a slower, or, later developmental maturity ie a bit similar to HG’s explanation of empaths ‘completing’ their ‘developmental’ stages as an empath in early adulthood. No matter how highly intelligent the autistic’s mind, it is the emotional / social communication / social interaction understanding that comes later in life. In my case, I had no mentor to explain (teach, support etc) to me the differences in myself compared to someone who is not autistic. I was not officially diagnosed until later in life.

        I beg to differ when it comes to some autistics not having a placement on HG’s narcissism to empath spectrum. Co-morbidity exists in some individuals.

        Years before I came across HG’s work, I worked with people, including those with Learning Disabilities – I noticed and “identified” good aspies and bad aspies (long before I knew about narcissism).

        I believe more research is needed to establish further on the DNA patternings of autism / empath / normal / narcissism. Again, there needs to be evidence of inheriting the DNA from both parental sides of the family. In my case, there is no evidence of autism on maternal parent’s side.

        1. Heidi says:

          Fascinating, thank you!
          My son was diagnosed at age 8 and is now a young adult. I agree that emotionally, those on the autism spectrum are behind their peers developmentally. (My son is about 2 years behind his peers in emotional maturity, even though he has a very high IQ.)
          But he is also highly empathetic to the needs of others. Most people (erroneously) believe that those with autism lack empathy. I think where they get that is the lack of facial expressions or non verbals to someone else’s distress. For this reason, I have always thought they have been incorrectly labeled as uncaring.
          Since you also have autism, I defer to you on the opinion that there can be those with narcissism.
          A qualitative study on whether there has been a lack of control environment at home might be the key to that.
          You have given me something to ponder.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Thank you 🙂 My father was the autistic, highly intelligent with a very analytic mind. I think some with autism do not ‘react’ but ‘absorb’ (not always), the information they receive from their environment / other people. If they do not fully understand their own emotions, it can appear as lack of being in ‘touch’ with the world around them?

            I think the misunderstanding about autistics is that some of them appear to be ‘selective’ ie in the way a task is done (or viewed) and may go around doing the task differently yet obtain the same ‘aim’ of the task itself ie ‘changing’ the process in how the task is done – but, the autistic still does the task. This is just an example – is probably similar to a narcissist’s not doing the task because of their need to assert control (and be in control) and someone else ends up doing the task? (I’m just speaking out loud).

            Yes, there was a LOCE in my case. There has been many studies to understand better about those with autism over the decades. More people need to know about narcissism existing, using HG’s work to be able to understand the differences between autism & narcissism.

            Thank you for listening and conversing 🙂

          2. Allison says:

            Heidi–sorry if this is already asked and answered. How is your son doing with the transition to young adulthood? I apologize if that’s too personal.

      2. Dani says:

        Hello Heidi,
        Mr. Tudor has said he classifies all people into one of the four groups he has, Narcissist/Narcissistic/Normal/Empath. He has never said that any person is excluded based on any sort of condition that they have. In one of the interviews with Mr. Tudor and Harry (Naughtie Autie), Harry shared his results of an empath detector, and he was determined to be a super empath (if memory serves me well).

        When Elon Musk has been mentioned by Mr. Tudor, he’s strongly hinted at the man being a narcissist. Elon Musk has said, publicly on SNL, that he’s an Aspie. Assuming that to be a truthful statement, meaning that a qualified psychologist administered an autism evaluation and gave him that diagnosis…If Elon Musk is someone that HG would evaluate as a narcissist, that would indicate that people with autism can go in at least two of Mr. Tudor’s categories. Why not the other two? (That Elon Musk could be formally diagnosed with both Aspergers/ASD and NPD is less certain. I don’t know enough about it; it seems unlikely from what I understand of how the wording goes for diagnosing personality disorders at this time. I understand that there is talk of changing that up for the next DSM.)

        Mr. Tudor has said that whether someone is diagnosed with autism is a factor that needs to be taken into account when he does his assessments.

        You said, “…he is responding according to his autism, just like we respond according to our empathy.” Why do you think that autistic people cannot respond with empathy?

        I have ASD, what likely would have been diagnosed as Aspergers back in the day. I’m a woman, and autism differs between women/girls and men/boys. Autistic people and neurotypical people often express emotions differently and respond differently to social cues. What is socially appropriate is dictated by the majority, in this case neurotypical people. Let’s imagine a flipped scenario…say there is an island, mostly populatedIf you were in a room full of autistic people who all jump up and down and flap their hands to express their joy and excitement because everyone will have a puppy to play with that afternoon, and you, as the neurotypical person smile or cry tears of joy, they might think you were strange. They might even think because you’re crying that you’re sad. It doesn’t make your expression wrong or less joyful.

        Levels of empathy and expressions of empathy vary between autistic people (dependent on where they are on the spectrum). Some have a more flattened affect than others. I’ve seen that more among the autistic men that I know. I understand that autistic women, in general, express more emotional empathy or they express it in a way that neurotypical people appreciate/understand more…why that is is a matter of some debate and ongoing research.

        Those are my feelings as an autistic person and my understanding of what I’ve heard from Mr. Tudor.

        1. Heidi says:

          Hi Dani!
          I did go into detail about how empathy is present in people with autism … Perhaps my second comment was not published when you replied.
          I appreciate H.G.’s analyses of the 3 categories and am in accord that he is on target with it. However, when it comes to autism, it is tricky to apply these categories. Because autism is a spectrum, it is like comparing apples to oranges. But that is just my view as a parent and teacher.
          I do think all of it needs further study.
          Thank you so much for your views on this — it is a great topic, and healthy discussion means we can all learn. 👍

          1. Dani says:


            I saw your response to Asp Emp talking about your son’s empathetic behaviors this morning 7/16/23.
            I agree that the lack of verbal inflection and facial expressions on some autistic people plays a role in the mistaken determination some neurotypical people make that autistic people lack empathy.
            It’s possible that they’ve met some autistic people who would be assessed as narcissists by Mr. Tudor.
            What they’ve generally seen represented in media may have built up associations.
            Theoretical, but possible, a narcissist declares themself to be autistic, telling their victims, ‘my autism made me.’ So that victim, trying to get help, goes around telling people what they “know” about autism.
            There may be co-morbidity as Asp Emp said.
            There are numerous reasons why this perception of autistic people exists.

            Are you saying comparing individual autistic people is like comparing apples and oranges because autism is a spectrum…or that comparing HG’s spectrum of empath to narcissist and the autism spectrum is like comparing apples to oranges? I’m confused.

            HG has four categories: Narcissist, Narcissistic, Normal, and Empath.

            Agreed. It needs more study.

        2. Asp Emp says:

          Dani, reading what you have said about autism – interesting. I have to state here that there are unaware narcissists who may have ‘self-diagnosed’ themselves as to have autism (or may have been given a formal diagnosis) because they recognise that some people may have “noticed” their behaviours being different so they searched online !!

          I knew a couple – one was diagnosed with both Bipolar & autism, the other Bipolar. Looking back, I am more likely to consider the first was autistic & empath(ic) and the latter being narcissist(ic). It’s the actions as well as the words of both these people that I considered. I was able to ‘connect’ with the autistic and felt something was ‘off’ about the other (who would be clingy, staring, exaggerated arm gestures etc).

          The MRN I knew came out with being Bipolar too. I disagree. He never showed the manic highs & manic lows, nor the depression (which are a consistence within those with Bipolar if not managed).

          Consider this. Maybe a narcissist may have been given Borderline Personality Disorder as a diagnosis and may choose to tell people they have autism instead? For this reason, I am glad that HG produces videos to show examples of differences / explanation of behaviours (especially highlighting the narcissist).

          Elon. I think he knows exactly what he is. He’s not going to broadcast ‘that’, only about Aspergers. He may have a co-morbidy. I don’t know enough about him as an individual to suggest otherwise…….

          1. Heidi says:

            Hi, Ask Emp!
            Soooo … I did a little digging, and there is one documented famous case we could look at:
            The Sandy Hook school shooting.
            At the time, it was confirmed that the shooter had Asperger’s, which caused headaches for those of us who are parents of kids with the same diagnosis. Mine was about 9 at the time, and unfortunately, there were some neighbors who would not let their children play with him because of that school shooting and their ignorance.
            But back to the shooter … It was confirmed that Asperger’s had nothing to do with the shooting. However, I do not know if the shooter also had comorbid psychopathy or sociopathy.
            It does raise the added question of whether NPD was present.
            I have found one study on this case in a medical journal, but only the Abstract was available online.
            I may look into this some more, because as a teacher, this is now a burning mystery for me to solve.
            Perhaps also my “truth seeking” as an empath is now reading its head? 😛

          2. Asp Emp says:

            Heidi, thank you for sharing that story. I’d seen a similar news report (maybe the same one) where the guy was diagnosed with Aspergers and was 18 years old. When it was revealed he was involved in some ‘hate’ type “cult”, I said to myself, no, it’s not Aspergers (on it’s own in any case). When it comes to cases like this, the individual’s behaviours need further scientific forensics type of investigations than just looking at Aspergers. It is good that you are interested in learning to understand more about human behaviours, which would be good for your teaching role too 🙂

          3. Heidi says:

            *Typo in my last reply*
            “Raising its head,” not “reading its head.”
            Damn autocorrect.

          4. Dani says:

            Hello, Asp Emp, thank you for sharing.

            I agree. People can lie about their diagnoses. Diagnosticians can make mistakes. I don’t have the qualifications to argue with a mental health practitioner’s diagnosis, one provided by someone with the training, education, and who meets the professional criteria to determine the diagnosis fits.

            I see autistic people as a group of people like any other. They have a range of cognition, behaviors, emotions, needs, and abilities.
            Mr. Tudor has said that he classifies people into four groups. He hasn’t said that other mental health conditions/disorders exclude someone from one of his classifications. He has said that they are factors to take into account when performing an assessment. Autistic people are people. So to my thinking, an autistic person could fit into any of HG’s four groups.

            I’ve asked elsewhere in the “Questioning Me” article if he has assessed autistic people from each of his four groups. He said no.
            There are a number of points to consider around that answer.
            1. HG can only know that if the individual who filled out an ND/ED discloses it, if it was part of an Alastor approved briefing packet, or a person otherwise discloses it to him.
            2. The person filling out the ND or ED can only disclose that info if they know it. (It’s widely believed in psychology, from what I’ve read on the topic and heard from leaders in the field, that autism is under-diagnosed in women.)
            3. If filling out the ND, they may not have the word count.
            4. They may not think it’s relevant or know that HG considers it so.
            5. HG has said that most people on the blog/watching HG’s videos are empaths looking for help (ergo, he’s more likely to encounter autistic people who are empaths under his classification system).
            6. Normals/narcissistic people are less likely to be ensnared by narcissists. Autistic people in the normal and narcissistic categories are less likely to be here and less likely to know about HG’s excellent work.
            7. There are narcissists here. HG has said so multiple times. It’s possible there is someone here who’s an autistic narcissist. HG has said that he can assess someone who is autistic as being a narcissist.
            8. HG has referenced non-disclosure agreements. Revealing that information might violate that. (I don’t know how strictly things are worded.)
            9. I think the likelihood of someone considering narcissism as an explanation for their partner’s behavior if they know (or believe) that their partner has autism goes down. (HG has said that empaths like to make excuses for people.)
            10. HG has said that, in person, he can figure out where someone fits within his classification system within ten minutes. Chances are (unless he’s attending an autism convention) he won’t know that they have autism unless it appears in his briefing packet. HG is an expert in narcissism and psychopathy, not autism. HG is not a psychologist/psychiatrist.

            “The MRN I knew came out with being Bipolar too.” — If HG said he was a MRN, we must conclude that to be so.

            “I am glad that HG produces videos to show examples of differences / explanation of behaviours (especially highlighting the narcissist).” — Agreed. Also important to remember: One incident is not enough. It has to be many narcissistic behaviors over a sustained period of time. Anyone can hit someone, but the drive behind why they’re hitting them changes. An empath may hit a narcissist who is abusing his/her child. The narcissist is abusing the child to get fuel or control (most likely), but the empath is hitting to protect the child.

            “Elon. I think he knows exactly what he is.” — So you think he’s a greater? I find HG’s videos about the greaters to be more interesting. Boris Johnson is ridiculous, but he doesn’t come off as a cry baby. And Putin is terrifying.

            “He’s not going to broadcast ‘that’, only about Aspergers. He may have a co-morbidy. I don’t know enough about him as an individual to suggest otherwise…” — Nor do I. I don’t find him particularly interesting so I skip over non-HG information that is presented to me as ‘newsworthy’ about him.

          5. Asp Emp says:

            Dani, I agree, autistics can fit on HG’s narcissism / empath spectrum. HG’s work is partly to determine where people sit on his designed system (the N / E spectrum), not autism, he would take that into consideration when it comes to Detector Consultations if he is aware of such a diagnosis from someone.

            I have observed people all my life. Some of the behaviours of narcissists are now more obvious to me, should I interact with one directly. Sometimes half an hour is enough to observe actions / words (if I come across one these days). That MRN told someone he had Aspergers (years ago), at that time, I “agreed” yet there was still a lot of contradictions to the autistic behaviours as such. The MRN sensed through his colleagues / line manager (maybe even his family too) questioning his behaviours, hence the Bipolar “release”.

            I believe HG understands enough about autism & narcissism & empaths to be able to determine someone within minutes of meeting that person, maybe longer when it comes to online interactions.

            As for Elon, I watched a couple programmes he was in. Interesting.

            Thank you for your response, interesting to read 🙂

          6. Another Cat says:

            I guess some narcissists can of course have different features.

            A person with narcissistic personality disorder might also have, say, a cognition impairment,

            just like nonnarcissists can have cognition impairment.

            Or dyslexia etc.

          7. Asp Emp says:

            Absolutely, Another Cat. Some people may have emotional ‘impairment’ but are not a narcissist ie not able to understand their feelings (alexithymia).

        3. Heidi says:

          Hi again, Dani!
          Regarding your “apples and oranges” question, I meant comparing HG’s categories of people to those with autism is apples and oranges, in my view.
          I am not aware of peer-reviewed studies on the comorbidity of autism with psychopathy, but that doesn’t mean it is not possible.
          Although I agree with H.G.’s analyses of different categories of people, he is not a board certified psychologist or a psychiatrist. I would have to see what those in that healing profession have to say about this to be convinced that NPD can be comorbid with autism.
          I could offer examples of my students with autism who seem to act narcissistically. I cannot give details due to confidentiality laws here in the U.S. But I have seen situations play out where the student would seem to be a narcissist — however I know they are acting according to their autism. It is for this reason they have accommodations and modified behavior expectations. The challenges of where they are on the spectrum prevent clear narcissistic motives.
          I am intrigued with all of this, however, and I need to do some research on whether there are peer-reviewed studies on comorbidity.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Hi Heidi, I did wonder whether sociopathy may possibly be more of a likelihood where an individual has autism, rather than psychopathy? It could depend which of the DNA carried forward is stronger – autism, or, psychopathy?

      3. Another Cat says:

        Very interesting Heidi, thank you!

        1. Another Cat says:

          Regarding the question of Cross Pollution, from @Black Phoenix
          I think the answer is no:

          It will not feed your addiction to narcissists, to spend time with your Aspie friend, as long as that friend doesn’t have narcissistic personality disorder.

          1. Black Phoenix says:


  7. Contagious says:

    Can you see auras?

    1. Jalleh Doty says:


  8. Jalleh Doty says:

    Hi Mr Tudor, I traveled many circles in this life, met people along the way etc. Never was one to put a label on myself. But the people who were in my life always did. In the realm of conflict, I’ve never been the personality to pick a fight with someone, tried to control them and always preferred peace and preferred people to be peaceful. I’d always been an observer of the human scene, but you’ve helped me understand it so much more. Largely? some did describe me as being an empath personality and yeah there were times some took advantage of it. In some really bad conflicts, after so long of being a doormat, ignoring red flags with individuals and realizing that some people were straight up narcs who tried to subdue me, I started learning from the conflicts that I got put it; where I had no escape and I started to react to some situations that I got backed into a corner with or had a narc situation to deal with. Soon some were gasping in shock, referring to me as some unpredictable wild card as some had to preconceived notion on how I would react, I reacted unexpectedly, or I was just too much of a ‘nice person’ (after I was observing what I was dealing with in people). I will admit at times my nice side got turned off, when people tried to pick a fight with me and wouldn’t back off (even though I tried to). But always, after dealing with said conflict I’ve notice that my empathic side got reverted back into again and I was at peace and could show my genuine empathic personality self to people again.
    The gist I’ve gotten from your website is that I may be the proverbial weaponized empath. But still I am not sure, as I’ve noticed in my own life that in a variety of conflict situations I got put in or social situations I got put in that at varying times, in my life I seemed to have been all of the above. Still, have questions in that can an empathic person become so weaponized that those around them can judge that person as being an unpredictable wild card in the realm of conflict? Also, can all the above be applied to the empath scale to an empathic person?

  9. Jalleh Doty says:

    Hello Mr.Tudor, just was leaving a comment about your broadcast about the Geyser Empath. I know what you were trying to say and appreciate the clarity on your wording things, so the rest of us could get it. But FYI if you referred to someone who’s American as a Geyser (Geezer) empath you’d be saying that this person is an old, senile empath. To give a comparison, The slang word, homely; I know in that it’s a British expression to refer to someone as homely in that there hot, attractive, good looking if you’re interested in getting with them for a date, sex etc. but if you say that to an American it means to them that there ugly, heinous looking, unattractive etc. But nonetheless, thanks again for the video and learning alot.

    1. Anna Plyance says:

      Our Benevolent Overlord has in fact mentioned this pronunciation issue in an earlier broadcast. He knows everything worth knowing about geezers and geysers and everything in between.

      1. Jalleh Doty says:

        I noticed lol.

  10. Savoy Truffle says:

    Have you ever had a Nemesis?

    I only ask because I like the way you say The Nemesis. 😀

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I do.

      1. Anna Plyance says:

        Scrolling up the page and stumbling across you saying “I do” without having seen the question leaves a rather curious impression. What will Greta say when she reads this?
        On a more serious note, many moons ago you had a very enlightening exchange with Indy under and I do not agree with some of Indy’s arguments, but I would be very interested to learn at some point if you would answer these questions differently today or if nothing has changed in that regard. You must have developed some impressive restraint muscles since. I apologise if you have already answered this somewhere else lately.

  11. Anna says:


    Do you have more than one personality?
    If so how many?
    Can they talk to each other?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I have many faces.
      I have never counted.

      1. KitKat says:

        Do any of them like cats?
        Serious question.

        1. HG Tudor says:


          1. KitKat says:

            I can appreciate that.
            In a world full of chaos, it’s comforting that some things remain constant across the board.

          2. Rebecca says:

            Hi HG and Kit Kat,

            I’m laughing because I get the image of you two having this conversation and HG’s dry toned “No” makes me lose my giggles. Xx Very amusing! 😊 Thanks xx

        2. Dani says:


          I propose an alliance…if, as Mr. Tudor has hinted at wanting, there is a meet and greet at Tudor Towers…and he commands our presence…

          I propose that for the evening we be the “People Urging Kitten Evacuation (from Tudor Towers)” should any innocent empaths rescue some kittens on their way to Tudor Towers…

          Remember, if questioned…
          “We can neither confirm nor deny the presence of any kittens in Tudor Towers, sir.” *said straight faced and seriously*
          “There are no cats in Tudor Towers, sir.” *said with bright, innocent smile*
          “No, jackets don’t normally purr, but I paid extra for that feature…” *high pitched voice, rocks back and forth, gazes at the ceiling* “Isn’t it soothing?”

          Also…you know…HG would get the fuel from interacting with us…and the residual benefit of free kitten removal…

          Mum’s the word…KitKat…do we have an accord?

      2. Rebecca says:

        Do you have different wardrobes for your different facades?? Do you camouflage your features, or is it just a personality change , not facial change?? Thanks for answers our questions and educating us. Xx

        1. HG Tudor says:


          1. Anna says:


            Does one of the facades include a leather jacket?
            Do you adopt a different name also?

          2. Rebecca says:

            Thank you HG for your reply! I’m getting a better picture of what I’ve come to believe and imagine about you xx Thanks for the confirmation xx

          3. Rebecca says:

            You mentioned before that you have many interest that fill your days and allievate your boredom. Does this mean you have multiple careers, hence the multiple college degrees?? Xx

          4. HG Tudor says:

            I have a range of interests.

          5. Rebecca says:

            Thanks for your reply HG, and I get it, I understand xx

          6. Dani says:

            Mr. Tudor–

            1. Have you encountered people who know you by one alias when you are with others who know you by another?
            2. Do you typically handle this with denial?
            3. What do you feel when your denial convinces them?
            4. How are you likely to respond if they argue with you?
            5. You mentioned in, “When Harry’s Wife met HG Tudor: Part 4” that going and bidding your friends (NISSs) goodbye was part of the appropriate facade. Do you have facades where you rarely bother with politeness?

            Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciated!

          7. HG Tudor says:

            1. No.
            2. N/A
            3. N/A
            4. N/A
            5. Yes.

          8. Dani says:

            Thank you, sir!

            1. Is the facade with no politeness complete with a separate physical disguise and name?
            2. Or would you say that a somewhat more exclusive group of people see this face, regardless of the name they know you by?

            Thank you so much for your time, sir. Much appreciated.

          9. HG Tudor says:

            1. No.
            2. Not necessarily.

          10. Dani says:

            Thank you, sir. Much appreciated.

        2. Bubbles says:

          Dear Mr Tudor,
          You are a man of many varied talents, is mountain climbing one of them? 🧗🏻‍♂️

          1. HG Tudor says:

            It is.

          2. Rebecca says:

            HG and Bubbles,
            I’ve never been mountain climbing, trusting the rope and anchor like that, would terrify me. I think I’d be more terrified, than entertained. Xx

          3. Bubbles says:

            Dear Mr Tudor,
            Thank you ☺️
            I had this female intuition
            Care to name any ?

          4. Bubbles says:

            Dear Rebecca,
            Apparently, mothers are to blame for macho mountaineers according to the ‘Guardian’ . Behavioural psychologists say ‘pathologically narcissistic, competitive and regressive dynamics ‘lead men to climb mountains. ‘A lot of these people were basically buying attention, ($65,000 roughly to climb) prestige and self-esteem. It’s a need for extreme-sports and can be compensation for all kinds of inadequacies. High altitude mountaineers are the most dysfunctional, anti-social, self-obsessed people around. It was said, maybe mountaineers should ….do a study of narcissism, competition and the desire for fame among academics.

            ( we happened to view a recent Netflix film and most of the climbers were very narcissistic) hence my question to Mr Tudor

            I have no desire to climb a mountain …..ever haha

          5. Rebecca says:

            Dear Bubbles,

            I like to hike in the mountains,as I used to live in Boulder, Colorado, but I like solid ground under my feet and a solid trail. Mountain climbing just terrifies me, I didn’t realize I had a fear of heights, until I imagined hanging off a rope and a halter and the long drop below….nope, I’ll pass, hard pass… I did enjoy ziplining and I want to do that again! That was fun, but there wasn’t any real danger doing that, except for my imagination, imagining alligators in the lake I ziplined across about 6 times. 😆 🤣 My imagination terrifies more than anything else. For example: every time I go in the basement at night, and the lights are off, I imagine someone larking down there, waiting to pounce on me, so I quickly grab what I need and run up the stairs. 😆 xx

          6. Bubbles says:

            Dearest Rebecca,
            Rocky Mountain territory eh ….. I always visualise mountain lions, wagons crossing those endless vast prairies….and Indians hehe
            I’m like you Rebecca, feet safely on terra firma and you can forget the dark hehe
            I have done ‘zip lining’ (we used to call it a flying fox), but not for me now. Alligators 😱 not on your Nelly
            We all try a few things in our lives, however ‘mountain climbing’ was definitely not on my ‘bucket list’ ……putting my trust in a human for a piece of rope ……nup nup nup

            It would really good if natural habitats were left untouched by humans as the environmental damage they create by climbing and other such activities are so devastating in the long term. Humans just can’t help themselves in destroying this planet.
            We have a huge sandstone formation in the Northern Territory, known as Uluṟu (used to be Ayres Rock) Tourists just had to go climb it and destroy it. They used it as a rubbish dump, bathroom, trampling, flora destruction, fauna disturbance, habitat loss causing global climate change and erosion. Now it’s declared sacred and no more climbing. I never went there.

            The only people I know who climb, are those who need to get down from their high horse 🤣😂

          7. Rebecca says:

            Dear Bubbles,

            When I lived in Colorado, I saw a bobcat in my back yard. Thankfully, I was on the second floor of a University complex. Looking back, I think he or she probably could have jumped up onto my balcony and paid me a visit. 😆 As it was, he or she just looked at me , watching him/her , and carried on. They’re a lot bigger in real life. Mountain lions were roaming around too, no night jogs for me there….nope…There’s a way to ward off a mountain lion attack, make yourself look bigger by raising your hands over your head and walk backwards slowly, don’t turn your back and run. Ha! I don’t think it would help me, I’m too short and I’d probably trip going backwards! 😆 I’m about the size of an average 12 yr old, so I’d be fun size for a mountain lion. 😆 They have bears there roo and they said, shot , walk backwards slowly and hold your hands up over your head…to ward off a bear attack. Sounds like to me, you’re trying not to get arrested by a cop. Seems like a silly thing to do. Anyway, it’s beautiful country there, but the wildlife may eat ya! You just have to be aware of your surroundings and don’t hike alone, stay in a group. I really enjoyed the hiking trails, I miss the mountains there. I love nature, nevermind that it’s dangerous, it gives me peace and it recharges me.

            Have you ever been scuba diving or snorkeling? I haven’t done either one, I have such a strong fear of sharks, it keeps me out of the ocean. Xx

          8. Bubbles says:

            Dear Rebecca,
            Ummm, no thanks! I’ve seen too many YT videos of mountain lions, bobcats and bears visiting houses with glass doors and pools, nope nope nope! Males having encountered them on a walking paths and having to walk backwards, waving their arms frantically like you mentioned and try and scare them off. Those claws n teeth are sharp, you’d be a tasty little morsel for lunch if they caught you hahahaha

            I’ll stick to our possums, koalas and the ‘occasional’ roaming kangaroo in the burbs. It’s those sneaky little red backs that I don’t like! We live near the hills with lots of wildlife.

            We Aussies are beach bums, we were taught to swim straight outta the womb haha I was brought up with shark sirens going off every weekend haha. I used to live at the beach! No scuba diving, but have done snorkelling. I’d swim underwater holding my breath with eyes open haha I’ve seen many sharks and close calls. Mr Bubbles and I had a boat and would venture out regularly. One day this monster of a shark rammed into our boat, (we were out a fair distance, all alone) it was the same length as the boat which was 16 1/2 ft. I decided then n there, that was it for me, I didn’t want to end up as shark bait hoo ha ha. Sharks have increasingly been found in shallow waters here. I’ll just stick to swimming pools and spas now hehe
            I absolutely adore the sea, however, I respect the creatures home habitat.

          9. Rebecca says:

            Dear Bubbles,

            Your insects are scary as hell! The funnel spiders, one crawling in your shoes could be deadly morning! The snakes, we have nasty snakes too. 😆 But, that funnel spider, looks like a tarantula on steroids! It speaks with an Austrian voice and says, I’m here to bump you up! Venomous spiders is where I drawl the line, nope, not going near it. I’d walk around with a lit torch, just in case I needed to set one on fire. 😬
            I’ve seen the video of the guy walking backwards from a cougar on his hike. The was intense, she followed him for a while. Bears are even more brave, they’ll come into your house , wake you up and ask you where you put the mayo. 😆 🤣 🤪 Sorry, couldn’t help, but tease there. 😜 xx

          10. Bubbles says:

            Dearest Rebecca,
            Funnel webs and red backs are the two deadlies. Funnel webs live on our eastern seaboard. Trap door spiders aren’t good either, doesn’t pay to go bare foot. There’s a funny Aussie country song (Slim Newton) that was made for those with outside dunnies back in the ol days, (we had one) called “red back on the toilet “, explains it all haha
            We have huntsman spiders appear inside when least expected, especially when you’re driving haha

            The worst critter to invade every country is man. We have this lovely Fraser Island, now known as K’garni, which is inhabited by pure dingoes. Well, tourists go there of course and the dingoes are becoming familiar with the tourists because they’re looking for food and lately there’s been some dingo attacks. One woman has just been mauled by 4 dingoes whilst jogging on the beach there and sustained 50 bites. She’s been treated and is ok apparently.

            The ‘powers’ that be, in their infinite wisdom, decided to introduce long plastic sticks to ward them off. Yeah right ! Just read this morning, this one particular tracking dingo in question has been destroyed. Sooooo typical! If a dog bites you, gets destroyed, if a lion, gorilla, crocodile etc kills a human, gets destroyed. They’re just protecting their domain. If humans just left well enough alone, all would fine. People are stupid!

            On a different note.
            How’s every one handling the heatwave ? Some scorchers I’ve noticed, not nice at all.
            We’re kinda used to the heat Down Under, we usually have two weeks at a time with 40+ degrees.
            We focus on keeping well hydrated and staying in the cool. Wear light clothes and we don’t go out unless we really have to.
            Stay safe lovelies, whilst I rug up and turn our heater on , it’s freezing here, brrrr 🥶

          11. Rebecca says:

            Dear Bubbles,
            We have Brown Recluse spiders and black widow spiders. The brown recluse spider, once bites you, your skin and tissues dies around where the venom entered and it leaves a hole in your leg, arm, wherever you got bit. Their venom is wicked. The black widow spider 🕷 has its own reputation as being deadly too, though no holes left after their bite.

            How’s the dungeon life treating you,?? Hopefully HG is giving you liquid refreshments and food. Xx

          12. Bubbles says:

            Dearest Rebecca,
            Correction, Fraser Island is known as K’Gari not K’Garni.
            Note to self …..must go to bed earlier haha

          13. Bubbles says:

            Dearest Rebecca,
            Your brown spider is equivalent to our white tip spider. Also your black widow is our Australian version but ours has a red stripe down it’s back. What ever way, I’m not a fan of spiders
            The funny thing is, the similarities and narcissists…..the spider trapping the fly !

          14. Rebecca says:

            Your possums are adorable looking, ours look like some rat demon from hell, with all those needle like teeth and growls that would scare most people. They’re harmless enough, but they look like a mean rat. They don’t attack people, they’re pretty resistant to rabies, and they eat thinks like ticks, so they’re the good ones you want around. Are your possums the same, or are they a hindrance to your environment?
            I once found a baby possum in my yard, they make a funny ticking noise, to call for their mother. It’s very unique. This little one went right up to me and sat in my lap. Wasn’t scared of me at all. He or she was kinda cute, in a baby demon rat kinda way. 😆 I played with it some and eventually the mommy bus stopped and picked it up. I guess the little one fell off mommy’s back with all its siblings still there. I just sat quietly on my porch, didn’t move. It was really fascinating to watch the interaction between mommy and the baby. He stopped calling for her, once he saw her walking across the top of the fence. It was like a pit stop for her. I was surprised she came out, with me sitting there, but I was very still and quiet. A feat for me. 😆 🤣 xx

          15. Bubbles says:

            Dearest Rebecca,
            I believe our possums have more rounded bodies and softer features, compared to your ‘rat’ types hehe
            You certainly had a curious one to sit on your lap, wow, what an experience. We have a regular one that pops into our roof and has zoomies every now n then and then walks along our pergola and stops to say ‘gidday’ Our possums are protected by law, even though they are pests, they all carry diseases, even American ones.
            Hope you disinfected hehe

          16. Rebecca says:

            Dear Bubbles,

            Our possums eat ticks and , I’ve been told by veterinarians, that they aren’t as disease infected as people might think, they’re pretty resistant to rabies. I was amazed at that myself! The baby was harmless, it was curious about me and wanted it’s mommy. I’m glad the mommy came back for the little one. I was thrilled the little one was curious and I was a bit wary at first. It was no bigger than a two week old kitten. I washed my hands and washed my clothes, so no worries, I haven’t started biting anyone. 🤪 😆 🤣 xx

          17. Bubbles says:

            Dear Rebecca,
            You had a marvellous experience, you’re very fortunate.
            Glad it wasn’t a bat haha
            We have them fly over in groups nightly toward the hills and the fruit trees, they look like huge black ravens. 🦇
            Just gonna hang some washing out and check for redbacks in the peg basket, feed the possum and resident huntsman spider

          18. Rebecca says:

            Dear Bubbles,

            We have bats here, but I’ve only ever seen the small ones that eat bugs. I had one, caught on my porch, at the apartment I lived in, in town. I was trying to help it out and it was flying around, trying to find the door. I opened the door and was trying to direct to the door, waving my hands at it and yelling, “over there, go over there” like it could understand me….The whole while I was thinking, if it lands in my hair, I’m going to freak out…he or she managed to get out, no thanks to my yelling at it. I’m sure it’s echolocation hearing was like, shut up lady! It’s actually a funny image, me running around shooing out the bat, while it circles me, around and around. 😆 🤣 xx

          19. Bubbles says:

            Dear Rebecca,
            …..forgot to mention our wild poisonous mushrooms (which just killed 3 people and a fourth fighting for his life)
            You never eat wild mushrooms, unless you’re an expert and even then that’s fraught with danger.

          20. Rebecca says:

            Dear Bubbles,

            No worries, I don’t usually eat mushrooms off the ground because I don’t know which ones are good for me or not. I just know not to experiment with them and to leave the poison ivy, poison sumack and poison oak alone. I’m highly allergic to poison ivy, so I made sure to recognize those plants.
            The article HG wrote about, when he was a kid and kept pushing that other kid in the prickly plants. When I read that, I was thinking, at least it’s not poison ivy. Xx

          21. Jordyguin says:

            Rebecca, poison ivy comparison cracked me up!!!!LMAO🤣❤️
            Bubbles🥰 mushroom season is coming🍽!!! There will be plenty, for it rained so much this summer, some people around me complain but Dude: mankind may run out of freshwater any minute, the groundwater reservoirs are filling up!! Thank you rain!!! I’m having a ’groundwater is filling up, uua-uua shake-shake’ -dance even, whenever it rains✌️🌧❤️I hope you got some rain after the heatwave🙏🌧🙏

          22. TBS says:

            “Death caps”, i.e. deadly mushrooms found in the wild are NOT exclusive to Australia, and are located in many parts of the world, incl. UK, Europe and North America.

          23. Rebecca says:


            😆 🤣 I’d personally rather deal with the prickly plant than poison ivy any day of the week. I get it, when someone burns the plant too. I found that out one year, when they burned a whole lot of them, behind Navy housing complex, I lived at, when I was 8. That, I won’t forget! Xx

  12. Anna says:


    You said a psychopath can provide positive fuel. Can you give an example of this please?

    And an example of negative fuel from a psychopath.

    Is the fuel from a psychopath better than from an empath or normal person?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      See examples of positive and negative fuel in the book Fuel.

      It depends on potency, amount and frequency, again as explained in Fuel.

      1. Anna says:

        Thanks. I will check it out. I like the cover of the book.

        1. Rebecca says:


          It’s a great, informative book, you won’t be disappointed and it clears up a lot of questions.

          1. Anna says:

            Yes Rebecca, I just started it. So far it is excellent.

          2. Rebecca says:

            Hi Anna,
            I’m happy to hear you’re liking the book. 😁

  13. Black Phoenix says:

    Did you see No Hard Feelings ?
    The new sex comedy with Jennifer Lawrence.

    As victim of sexual grooming by a narc woman I felt bad feelings while I was watching it.

    If you have analized JL (school and cadre) where can I find her in the TKV?

  14. TBS says:

    Upon your recommendation, I watched Threads (1984). I like a good apocalyptic movie. I found the depiction of Sheffield brits being in a constant state of agitation and annoyance toward everyone around them, including their families (even before the bombs drop!) a bit grating .. hopefully this is not based in truth. Tells a bleak, but not hard to believe outcome for humanity under such circumstances, and reminded me of the razor’s edge that our “civilisation” lives on.

  15. Jalleh Doty says:

    Just was curious, would you have a section on your website just for mental health professionals? Idk how it is over where you are, but here in the US for 13 yrs I always noticed whenever I did jobs in processing their bills to insurance companies for their patient diagnoses and witnessing them talking to each other about Narcissism in clinics or their offices, (where there were a few of them worked together) that there were always disagreements about ‘how’ to diagnose a Narcissist or if their patient was just Narcissistic. I even found myself looking into the manual that these professionals used, and it was still always Ill-defined there. Would you ever do something like that, in having an information forum just form them?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      There is not a section purely for mental health professionals, they can access the material like everybody else.

  16. Candied Pansy says:

    HG weird but real question (1) can I pay you to sing a song, play music for it, and send me the audio? I used a song to “write” a parody, but I can’t sing. It’d be hilarious and ominous in your voice. You have the talent and equipment. Plus it’s embarrassing. Not sure I want it to see the eyes of anyone besides God (not by choice) and a narcissistic psychopath (by choice).

    Maybe for a birthday, if 1 is yes. If no, okay. (2) You do weird stuff for Tudor minutes, right?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It depends on what it is. You would need to email me about it.

      1. Candied Pansy says:

        *shudders at another email exchange* You can sit at your mic with a guitar, right? Do Tudor minutes include visual, like your YT short of you playing guitar? You know when people take the music, melody, format, etc. of another song, but change the lyrics? That’s all it is. Maybe acapella would give it the creepy vibe it may not deserve.

        Thanks for answering. It’s often a treat to wake to the results of my late night queries. I’d blame drugs, but we know I’m always like this.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You will not receive visual material.

          1. Rebecca says:

            I didn’t know you did song request. I have a few in mind. Xx
            I wrote to Spring last night about t shirt designs and I wanted to use one of the thumbnails from your blog for a t shirt design and I think others might like it too, so I wanted to ask you about it.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            I don’t.

  17. Candied Pansy says:

    If you have a one night stand and don’t see her again, is she an intimate partner tertiary source?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are correct.

  18. Asp Emp says:
    Hahahahaha. Post-it notes galore beckons! I’d label & stick on in silence too 🙂

  19. Jalleh Doty says:

    Do you get hit on in this forum?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Why? Are you hoping you will too?

      1. Anna Plyance says:

        HG, are you black and blue yet (sky blue naturally in your case) from getting hit on so much? Are you turning into a Smurf? What would your name be? (And why does Manchester City not have a smurf as a mascot?)

      2. Jalleh Doty says:

        Nope, last thing on my mind lol. Just was curious with you being a public figure etc if you get that.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I appreciate the clarification.

          Yes, it happens.

      3. Anna says:

        HG, do you have a dungeon here? I mean cellar of course

    2. Anna Plyance says:

      I think it is a miracle that HG is still able to stand straight with all the being hit on that he experiences here and everywhere. One would expect him to be permanently black and blue.

      1. Rebecca says:

        Anna Plyance,

        HG is the Ultra, HG can take it in his sleep, it’s nothing to him. HG is not bothered.

        1. TBS says:

          How incredibly insightful .. of The Ultra, you are .. so good of you to speak on his behalf as well?

  20. Jalleh Doty says:

    Ok, I am curious. I’ve seen your videos on the categories of Narcissists and empaths. But what are the percentages about the Narc side of things. To me in this world there seems to be the midrange Narcissists who are the majority (who are in the varieties you mention) ; with the greaters/ultras on one end and the Lessers on the opposite. Am I correct in that assessment? As in my own life, I believe I’ve had to deal said mid-range Narcs of varying varieties.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Mid Range are the largest group followed by Lesser, Greater are a much, much smaller group.

  21. Jalleh says:

    Hello Mr. Tudor, really like your broadcasts, very informative. I know you use the term; ‘sugar’ and I get that it’s an expression where you’re from, but just a question, what does that expression mean, In pertaining to your broadcasts about ‘sugars’? I get putting some sugar on a situation or a person, getting some sugar, but I don’t get that expression when you use it. Would like to know what that pertains to, I get some British expressions, but not that one. Curious.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is a description used in relation to the zealous supporters of Harry+s Wife.

      1. Jalleh Doty says:

        Oh ok, got it. Yeah, you’re right Harry and his wife are just attracting the whining little wussy groupies who are total sheep Huh?

  22. KitKat says:

    Do you find that if one of the members of your fuel matrix is especially threatening your control, you become more devaluing or assert increased control over other members?
    Take it out on them, for lack of a better description. If you personally do not, is this indicative of other schools and cadres?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I assert control over the individual is threatening control.

      1. Dani says:

        Mr. Tudor,

        1. When you feel malice, does it feel like more people are threatening control?

        Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciated.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          See the material about Malice.

          1. Dani says:

            Thank you, sir. Much appreciated.

      2. KitKat says:

        Are there times when the majority of people are painted black or white simultaneously?
        For example, other people experience good moods and bad moods, which have the potential to effect their feelings towards others.
        Do you experience moods? Such as a particularly grumpy day or…not grumpy day. (I was going to say cheerful, but you don’t do cheerful)
        Thank you

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Some people will be painted black, some painted white, some days it is more of one than the other.

          1. KitKat says:

            Thank you for your reply. You are a quite fascinating individual.

          2. HG Tudor says:


          3. KitKat says:

            Wrong adjective?
            Or no adjective necessary?

          4. HG Tudor says:

            Wrong adjective.

          5. Another Cat says:

            Kitkat: “Thank you for your reply. You are a quite fascinating individual”

            HG: “Quite?”

            It’s like that lovesong by Danny Kirwan of Fleetwood Mac.

            “You, you’ve got nearly all I need”

          6. KitKat says:

            Thank you for your reply.
            You are, without an inkling of doubt, the most fascinating individual who has ever graced the world, nay, Universe with an existence that can only be described as sacrosanct.
            The angels wept with reverence when you were born, which is rather amazing considering angels don’t exist.

          7. HG Tudor says:

            Sarcasm does not endear you to me.

          8. Dani says:

            Mr. Tudor–
            tremendously or remarkably? (an) astonishingly or extraordinarily?

          9. KitKat says:

            No sarcasm intended, although in hindsight I can see how it would he interpreted as such.
            I thought you’d laugh and say ‘Much better’.

  23. TBS says:

    HG, do you generally have a derisive, derogatory mindset toward everyone you interact with (be it masked or overt) .. regardless of the type of interaction or to whom the interaction is with?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, but most people soon start to invite my contempt. You have to be special to avoid that with me.

  24. Anna says:

    1-Do you ever get fed up with answering people’s questions?
    2- Do you get fed up and annoyed with the emails
    3- Do you gain fuel from the questions?
    4- If fuel had a taste like food does what would it be for (eg chocolate )
    a- negative fuel
    b – sexual fuel
    c- Positive fuel
    d- don’t be so ridiculous Anna

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. Only the moronic ones.
      2. Only the moronic ones.
      3. Yes.
      4. It doesn’t.

  25. Black Phoenix says:

    Your favourite pornstar?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      As if I´d bother to get to know their names! I don’t do that with some people I deal with in real life, never mind somebody on a screen.

      1. Truthseeker6157 says:

        What’s your porn star name HG? (name of the first family pet, plus the name of the first street you lived on)

        Becky Thornton.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I did not live on a street Truthseeker.

          1. Truthseeker6157 says:

            “I did not live on a street Truthseeker.”

            You’re not splitting hairs about my use of the word ‘street’ either are you? Got it. (Oops!)

        2. NarcAngel says:

          Imma go with Boggart Castle for HG.

          1. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Haha! Very mischievous NA. Oatcake?

      2. annaamel says:

        My original thinking was that if I were to classify myself using narcissist cadres I’d be a cerebral because I lean noticeably more towards ideas than anything somatic BUT I actually have a favourite porn star and I know the name they go by professionally and some details about their life outside porn. I just looked him up online and he’s still around though not strictly working in the business anymore. Obviously I’ve had to delve deeper to find that more cerebral aspect (to maintain or encourage my interest) but I might qualify as an Elite after all 🙂

  26. Jalleh Doty says:

    Hello Mr. Tudor, I’ve learned so much from your broadcasts and was able to break free of my own narc situation because of them, thank you for that. But I have a question for you, I know you’ve done videos on empathy, but was curious about your views on this concept called dark empathy. (With all the videos coming out about that, as of late)

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No such thing as a dark empath, it is the nonsense spouted by unaware Mid Range Narcissists.

      1. Anna says:

        Just because you don’t believe it, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. Dark matter is the same.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It is not a question of belief. Those that pontificate about being a dark empath are pathetic edge lord individuals who are usually unaware mid range narcissists, trying to sound tough, by making themselves sound like some kind of empath with edge. Occasionally an empath mistakenly starts bandying around the term and believing they have the “bottom” whereas when and if they found themselves in a truly testing situation they would wet their pants and flee. An empath has the capacity to fight back as explained in the relevant articles/videos, the term dark empath is a misleading one.

          1. Jalleh Doty says:

            Well said.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Thank you.

          3. Asp Emp says:

            Hahahaha, I recall my first summer on the blog, oh, that “dark lord”, it was hilarious, I think it was around 13th August 🙂

          4. Anna says:

            Fair enough. Personally I hate labels myself. People always saying “I am this or that”. Who cares? Who wants to fit into a nice neat label or box. In fact people who talk about themselves are repulsive. It makes me want to walk off in the middle of the conversation. Boring.

          5. HG Tudor says:

            “Pass me that.”
            “The thingy?”
            “What do you mean?”
            “You know, the wotsit.”
            “The oojamaflip.”
            “That thing, there!”
            “Which one? There’s lots of thingies here.”
            “Oh you know, the one I need.”
            “I haven’t a clue what you are after.”
            “If only we had a label for it.”

          6. KitKat says:

            Objects fit quite nicely into the literal interpretation of the definition for label. Being infinitely more complex, people do not.

          7. HG Tudor says:

            People are objects.

          8. NarcAngel says:


            “In fact people who talk about themselves are repulsive. It makes me want to walk off in the middle of the conversation. Boring.”

            Ha. So you were never in a relationship with a narcissist then?

          9. Anna says:

            Quote from HG
            “Pass me that.”
            “The thingy?”
            “What do you mean?”
            “You know, the wotsit.”
            “The oojamaflip.”
            “That thing, there!”
            “Which one? There’s lots of thingies here.”
            “Oh you know, the one I need.”
            “I haven’t a clue what you are after.”
            “If only we had a label for it.”

            I meant for people HG.

            But an excellent example HG. It shows clearly you view people as appliances. It shows you truly are what you say you are, a narcissistic psychopath. That is why I value your knowledge.

          10. HG Tudor says:

            If you meant people, then state as such and labels are necessary for people too.

          11. KitKat says:

            “People are objects”
            Narcissist says what??
            Haha, only joking.
            Touché! I forgot who I was conversing with.

          12. HG Tudor says:

            Given that you have written it and thus made it entirely understandable, your attempted joke failed.

          13. Anna Plyance says:

            “People are objects.” – The way technology is going, we are marching towards “Objects are people.” Soon we might have uppity toasters.
            “Labels are necessary for people too.” – Absolutely. The simplest form of a label is our name. The whole system of language is nothing but labels. If we do not agree to label things, verbal communication becomes impossible. And very well done with the wotsit example.

          14. Anna Plyance says:

            “People are objects.” – That is not how Depeche Mode are singing it.

          15. Anna says:

            Quote from Narc Angel

            “In fact people who talk about themselves are repulsive. It makes me want to walk off in the middle of the conversation. Boring.”

            Ha. So you were never in a relationship with a narcissist then?”

            Of course I was/am/have been… still am….

            I wouldn’t be here otherwise. I would have no need for HG’s advice on how to deal with them. My mother was a narcissist, I deal with many daily. I have had narcisstic partners. My situation I am not able to go no contact so I really need the advice from HG. Without this site I would probably be locked away somewhere from their gaslighting. HG keeps me sane. Just because I find them boring does not mean I walk away. No no, I am polite, sit their nodding smile on my face….. enough said already.

          16. KitKat says:

            Hence, labeling something in order to make it entirely understandable stifles it. Poignant lesson HG, I agree wholeheartedly

          17. NarcAngel says:

            It was meant with humour – as in, narcissists love talking about themselves, but we still get drawn in. We didn’t find them repulsive, boring, and walk off in the beginning. If only we had.

          18. Anna says:

            @ NarcAngel. Thanks for clarifying that.

            Yes you are right, if only we had seen through their facade we would have known.

        2. Rebecca says:

          You mentioned in a comment below, that you had a narcissist mother. A “narcissist mother” is a label and without that label you wouldn’t be able to say, she was your mother or a narcissist and wouldn’t be able to comment for us to understand, and may I add, you’re talking about yourself too? Just wanted to point that out.

          1. Anna says:

            Rebecca. In my quote I said I hate labels.

            Hate is a feeling not a fact. Sure labels maybe needed as HG pointed out above. Doesn’t mean I think they are right or nice.

            It is the same with taxes for example. They are needed but noone really likes them? Hope this clears that up.

            HG wrote in his book Fuel, that he renamed narcissitic supply as fuel, as the term narcissist automatically creates a stereotype in someones head. Therefore the term fuel is better in this context.

            Labels are necessary sure, doesn’t mean I have to like them.

          2. Rebecca says:

            Hi Anna,

            I agree, labels are necessary, but are not liked by some people. What may offend one, another doesn’t have a problem with it. We’re all different in our experiences and opinions and what bothers us. 🙃

            This blog is about narcissism and how it works, affects relationships, society and other human aspects of life. Most of us are healing from abusive, narcissistic relationships and yes, we talk about ourselves and how that abuse impacted our lives and how it still impacts our lives. Some of us are still in those relationships and are working on escaping, so yes, we will talk about ourselves and our experiences here and HG allows it, he proof reads the comments and then post them, if he wants to do so. It’s HG’S blog, it’s his right to do that.
            You mentioned you dislike it when someone talks about themselves….this is an open communication blog, we will talk about ourselves here and HG, if I’m correct in my thinking, (??) HG encourages us to share our experiences with each other. He ask often about our input, so he must want to know, so he can learn more about empaths and sharpen his skills and knowledge. HG even mentions that’s the reason he ask about our input, to help himself know more about us. If you hate people talking about themselves, then I suggest you skip over most of the comments because most people talk about themselves, their family, their life choices, their experiences etc. I’m sorry if I seem like I’m being touchy, but what you said was kinda rude and may be hurtful to some. Most people on here are healing and growing in themselves, their own pain is enough, they don’t need someone cutting them with words too. Sorry, no ill will towards you, just needed to vent. Xx

          3. Anna says:

            Rebecca, Thank you very much for your long response and post. Venting is very important. Catharsis.

            I love this blog, and I love reading about people’s experiences. It is though just text, and misunderstandings happen alot, as the emotions, tone of voice etc. All that makes a conversation is missing.

            I apologise for the misunderstanding about my comment.

            My comment about boring was directed to my time spent with narcissists going on about themselves in the way they do. “Boasting about how wonderful they are” Not about time with normal people or empaths.

            I recently sat in a lovely restaurant, actually my favourite one. Next to us was a couple of narcissists. The evening was ruined by them talking non stop about how wonderful they are. Their achievements, how lucky people are to know them, plastic surgery, expensive material items. It was shallow and boring. They were so annoying. Of course being polite we nodded. We wanted to get up and leave, but we did not. My comment was directed at narcissists. As you can see above.

            This blog is fascinating and very interesting. I like to share my own experiences and read about others too. It is not boring in any way.

            It seems what I wrote was misunderstood and misinterpreted in every single sense.

            It was originally response to the label of “Dark Empath”

            My personal opinion- a feeling “I hate labels” not a fact, an opinion. Not saying that labels are wrong.

            Also that I do not like being in the company of narcissists, for reasons explained above.

            When I was younger and naive, oh they did suck me in. I am a victim of narcissistic abuse which is why I came here.

            I guess just through the therapy, and the information I have gathered, (Including this wonderful informative blog from HG), my eyes have opened. I can now recognise toxic behaviour and it actually annoys me. I do often think

            “Gosh, how could I have been so stupid?”
            I often think I wish I had had access to all this information earlier.

            Thank you Rebecca. I am very grateful there are so many great people here sharing their experiences. We are not alone.

            Our eyes are opening, and in my case I am learning to recognise this toxic behaviour.

            Thanks to HG, other information I have gathered and therapy.

          4. Rebecca says:

            Hi Anna,

            My confusion came from you using the label of “people” , when you said, “people who talk about themselves are repulsive to me” I’m glad you can see how I took it meaning, but you said, you meant narcissists, not people in general. I get that and I accept the mishaps of labels for you, but this just goes to show how important labels are and points again at HG’s comment about importance of labels. I appreciate you being polite with me, as this isn’t an argument, but a need to clarify my concern about your comment. Thank you for your response and your polite manners. Xx

      2. Allison says:

        I saw YouTube suggestions in my feed about that. Didn’t even waste time with it. I wouldn’t trust anyone on these topics but you, HG.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          An eminently sensible position to adopt.

          1. Jalleh Doty says:

            I agree. You’ve nailed so many things about Narcissism and empathy that even mental health professionals, still can’t get right and are often in disagreement about. You know more than PHd’s in the mental health field and you are crazy accurate with precision about these subjects to the point of dissection. Well? looking forward to future videos you crank out

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Thank you.

      3. Milkweed says:

        After seeing someone post about Jame’s Fallon’s book, “The Psychopath Inside”, I began reading it. I found myself identifying with his personality quite a bit. At least the way he explains it to be. It then made me curious enough to google if empaths can be psychopaths. Then a bunch of stuff about dark empaths came up.

        I think I mainly just relate to his OCD.

      4. Jalleh Doty says:

        Yeah, I thought so. I’ve seen these videos where someone was like ‘oh went all dark empath on someone’ to me didn’t make sense, thought someone was looking for some shock value, thought it was dumb etc. But also wanted to thank you, for helping me understand myself better as well. Your information that you’ve given to people like myself has been great and keep up the work.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome.

      5. Trev says:

        I’m a fifth level dark empath, with a +3 broadsword

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Your mother must be so proud.

          1. Anna says:

            As your mother must be very proud of you HG.
            Does she know of this blog?
            It is amazing. I think she would love it. Or would she?

  27. TBS says:

    My favourite short scene in a movie is Titanic’s smiling Jack’s, “HaHa!” to Rose’s, “You are so annoying”.
    Do you have a favourite 5 words or less HG?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      This will hurt you.

      1. KitKat says:

        It is only by way of pain one arrives at pleasure
        -Marquis de Sade

        1. Isabelle says:

          Well, the Marquis de Sade gave his name to sadism, and he arrived at pleasure through inflicting pain. I’m sure it is the case for some people, and other people may arrive at pleasure through receiving it (like Sacher-Masoch, who gave his name to masochism), but… not for me, thank you very much, haha 😉

          1. Another Cat says:

            Interesting, Isabelle I didn’t know about Masoch!

            Though I do think that some of us, with all this knowledge, still seek for a new narcissist; that behaviour I find masochistic.

          2. KitKat says:

            Another Cat, I agree. Although this quote is regarding sex, many things we do in life can be categorized as masochistic.

            Anna and Allison, it is also true that to achieve goals or advancement, the process to victory is often arduous or painful.

            Philosophically, I enjoy contrasts such as these to explore the balances which are so very abundant in reality.

        2. Anna says:

          No pain, no gain. It’s all win, all the same.

        3. Allison says:


      2. TBS says:

        I meant from a movie, silly billy .. 😉

        1. KitKat says:

          Perhaps he was quoting
          the movie about the killer dentist,
          Dr. Giggles.
          “This is going to hurt you more than it will hurt me.”

          Dr. Giggles seems like the kind of cinematic masterpiece that would be in HG’s top ten favs.

          1. Anna says:

            Maybe, personally I found the dentist Orin Scrivello the best from the film “Little shop of horrors”
            Classic film that one.

          2. Anna says:

            Here is the link on YouTube to the dentist scene in Little shop of horrors.

  28. Gwyneveyre Pasquale says:

    HG this is partly a question and partly an expression of extreme consternation: My Narc ex husband is a very intelligent person who is capable of engaging in fascinating and (seemingly) deeply insightful psycho-spiritual conversations lasting hours. He is also able to keenly observe and apply sound logic to a wide variety of topics, including human interactions. Furthermore, he is well-versed specifically in trauma, and the fight, flight, freeze and fawn responses to it, and will admit to his own tendency towards the fight response that was engendered by his own traumatic childhood. He will even go so far as to make observations about himself that are almost a textbook definition of narcissism (e.g. he said, at the age of 50, “It never occurred to me that other people might be thinking or feeling something different than I would in the same situation. So I thought if they were acting some way I didn’t like and wouldn’t act, that they were just being assholes.”). Despite all this, he refuses to admit that he engages in narcissistic behaviors (which, I can assure you, he most certainly does) and that anything is ever his fault (even if he “did” something, he was “made” to do it by the other party’s bad behavior). How can there be such a lack of simple observation and logical reasoning in a person who is otherwise very intelligent, observant, knowledgeable and logical?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      He sees the world differently. It is not a deficiency of observation and logical reasoning.

  29. I just wanted to thank you for the tremendous value of your work. Someone can search the volumes of information on the internet and still not fully understand the conundrum they find themselves in. Not only is your information comprehensive, but you bring the ability to understand and act. So many lives informed, healed and protected.
    I do wish everyone who has found there way to your site success on their journey and a peaceful productive future as they apply the knowlege you have been so kind to share.
    I pray for you respite from the relentless nature of your diagnosis.
    Kind regards

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome, although your prayers are not.

      1. Melody says:

        Lori and HG,
        All the work of Jesus was to warn people about narcissism and its malignant forces trying to subjugate someone’s mind and body. Those malignant forces tried to eradicate his words via his death. Then again trying to denature his words via dogma. Individual integrity is the key to a peaceful world and that’s what Jesus tried to highlight via his sacrifice. Loving and respecting each other, and being true to oneself only rely on individual integrity.
        HG, you are using your individual integrity to warn people against the malignant and narcissism in general. Plague of the world since the dawn of time.
        You don’t need to find peace as you are already in it: delivering the most elaborated and pedagogical work about what you know best in the mankind interest as well as in yours.
        Please do accept prayers they may give you even more strength in this sacerdoce.
        Please Lori, don’t stop praying for him.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          The compliments I will take, the preaching I shall reject.

          1. Melody says:

            Preaching about individual integrity? Jesus is a fact. Profiling him via anthropology and archeology researches is the best way attempting to clarify what happened and his motives. No preaching about dogma or religion of any kind. Someone can pray for you without referring to any religion.Tonight, I’ll pray for you, wishing you to stay safe, to fall in love and be happy! What?! You never know! If you haven’t tried this way!!!

          2. annaamel says:

            Melody, your line ‘that’s what Jesus tried to highlight via his sacrifice.’
            and the belief that Jesus died for our sins overlays his ideas about love and tolerance and forgiveness and is the religious zealotry which others who don’t share that belief will balk at.

            And as I see it, praying for someone without any kind of religion is simply wishing. If you are not asking for any divine intervention you will be wishing HG safety, love and happiness.

          3. Elodie says:


            I’ve never written Jesus died for our sins, not talked about forgiveness. You’re adding something that isn’t written. Which you’re stating yourself “and the belief” some would think of. It’s not written in my message, nor suggested. It’s only in the lense of the “some”.
            He rebelled against the diktat of his time and the malignant narcissists he was facing made him pay. When someone wants you to die because you contradict them or endanger their power, they are at least in the Machiavellian/malignant area. Logic only. No zealotry in this statement. Also yes he sacrificed himself. Its the correct label for what happened. He could have fled!

            Love and respect is something you naturally have/feel when first meeting someone, when you were born with a correct balance between white and grey matter and had the chance to have a caring and affectionate upbringing. Empathy creates love and the respect that naturally comes from it. It’s nature, biology of our brain. Not a religion… Dogma is religion as written in my message. There’s no “belief” in facts and logic.

            Individual integrity should be the engine of anyone, no zealotry in it either.

            Narcissists can abuse of religion as much as about anything else. And yes a lot are using it as a resume statement to deflect on their regular passive-agressions toward others. Also some are using their supposed “empath profile” saying it as a resume statement for doing the same. I’ve been pilling up screenshots of supposed empaths displaying high narcissistic tendencies as to use passive aggressiveness and deflection when confronted, lacking of integrity, always among the ones stating they are.
            You can detect narcissism in the writings, the egocentrism, the delusional reading, the lack of empathy in calling people names because they didn’t read you properly or have a lack of understanding and their deluded reading or sometimes official impaired reading, pissed them off.

            Believers, when they are empathic people as Lori seems to be, I only see the good in their wishings/prayers.
            People who tend naturally/instinctively to read facial expressions are more sensitive to others also they often are more spiritual (that’s scientific too).

            Praying and wishing or even meditating happen in the same part of the brain. I was wishing him good indeed. I don’t want to offense people that are believers, I do respect the positive ones. Usually they live their religion quite privately, wishing/praying for you if they see you would need it. No narcissism in being thoughtful and hopeful for someone else.
            Having empathy in explaining Jesus life or choices in down to earth and sensical explanations is the best way to test if the person is highly in narc tendencies or not. Those profiles would poorly react even if you’ve been the kindest person for saying it. Others would respect the content of the talk (as they have empathy for you) and think about it later.
            Respect isn’t part of the narc psyche. Even when they fake it you can via talking, make the rabbit jumps out of the hole (which is part of tests used in psychiatry for diagnosing dementia potentially linked to a narcissist profile (pre-fontal lobes).

            A clear communication is key for anything to go round so for a labelling process : I was wishing him good and I remove the term praying.
            I would still pray/wish/meditate in my head 😉
            Thank you for you message, you kindly ask for clarity.

          4. Elodie says:

            Sorry Annaamel! 😊. I’m using an old ipad tablet for Youtube and on here. There’s only the upper half of the line displayed so hard to read-proof. Sorry for not correctly writing your name the first time!
            Also may I ask if you have any sort of beliefs/spirituality/moto in general?

          5. annaamel says:

            Hello Elodie.

            Don’t worry in any way about the name error as it doesn’t bother me at all. It’s a silly name with unintuitive spelling that even I get wrong 🙂

            I agree with many of your comments. This for example:

            ‘He rebelled against the diktat of his time and the malignant narcissists he was facing made him pay. When someone wants you to die because you contradict them or endanger their power, they are at least in the Machiavellian/malignant area.‘

            and this:

            ‘Narcissists can abuse of religion as much as about anything else. And yes a lot are using it as a resume statement to deflect on their regular passive-agressions toward others.’

            You are correct in these explanations, in my opinion.

            ‘Also may I ask if you have any sort of beliefs/spirituality/moto in general?’

            Not really, no. I wasn’t brought up with religion and the few questions I developed from interacting with those outside my family were dealt with when I studied philosophy at university.

        2. Isabelle says:

          Hello Elodie (or Melody? Sorry if you are not the same person),

          You wrote: “Also some are using their supposed “empath profile” saying it as a resume statement (…) I’ve been pilling up screenshots of supposed empaths displaying high narcissistic tendencies as to use passive aggressiveness and deflection when confronted, lacking of integrity, always among the ones stating they are.”
          Are you really keeping tabs on people here? (This is a real question, no irony, just curious, and surprised.) If so, what is your count so far of those you describe, roughly? The majority, half, less?
          Bear in mind that empaths also have narcissistic traits and are no saints. They try to stand their ground here maybe like never before, now that they are learning. We’re all works in progress, and will be for the rest of our lives.

          As for “supposed empaths”, well, when HG says they are, I believe him.

          1. Elodie says:

            Hello Isabelle,
            Those screenshots are done mainly on Youtube comments or on the live chat for HG’s channel. Very rarely on here. I’ve seen one person being recently tested changing from seeming very sweet to passive aggression when a slight cabal was organised against someone on here that I would describe as a super honest and a bit abrupt in it empath, a super one who regularly faces allusion to her potential narcissism.
            Always taking into account the very necessary narcissistic tendencies.
            I would never call someone a narcissist without having met and talked/experienced for a little while. Unless passive aggression is a regular verbal demeanour, which I will only judge as highly narcissistic or the start of a potential bigger “flavour”.

            I had a fall out with HG early or end January. When someone genuinely states she’s feeling like not existing anymore that’s from my view not something to take lightly, even less so to rebuff her. What HG did. I left the site, being stupidly choked by HG’s position. I’ve deleted the email add linked to that previous account “Elodie”. A few months later, reading what was said following my last message, to get I’ve been smeared for having “done dirty to him”. I came back with this new account about 2 weeks ago. Elodie is my real name. Living in anglo-saxon countries I often mention “melody” to help with the pronunciation. No one should ever give his real name, even first name over the net! Yet it’s done and after 5 months or so it kinda felt the need to reply to the smear, under my real name. And you very well know I’m the same person as it’s written right under your nose. But that’s alright I don’t care being considered on here as a narcissist. It has become now a long running joke for my entourage.

          2. Jordyguin says:

            Elodie you’re back!!!! Omg!!!!Mwa, mwa, mwaaaa

            I wondered where you disappeared, I didn’t know, didn’t see what happened…

            But now you’re back! And you’re back! With Jesus! How cool is that!

            Omg. I’ve researched about Jesus (and nowadays it would fall into conspiracy theories, nevertheless)..! I know he lived and I know his legacy or mission was turned upside down in certain aspects and it is as you say – he could have fled, but there was a purpose of him staying…The informational sources I looked up and engaged with, explained (in manuscripts and passed on information) that he knew what will occur after and that he knew his mission failed and he will be used by organisations for the purpose of control of those he was fighting for originally… Different authors, different Gospels and manuscripts by different KINDS of people. Amongst them, those, of whom we would think, were closest to him, were his blood and genes when their ’inner balance’ was challenged and they lost that battle (or the balance wasn’t there to begin with, that is the question)…The organisations kept truthful aspects of his words and examples because it served a purpose of resonating with the heart of people, but added manipulations on top of that in order to redirect and captivate the individual so to speak…(plus the problem of translations, interpretations and zeitgeist of those texts…)


            „HG, you are using your individual integrity to warn people against the malignant and narcissism in general… You don’t need to find peace as you are already in it: delivering the most elaborated and pedagogical work about what you know best in the mankind interest as well as in yours.“

            I subscribe to your words, Elodie. I find it fascinating that you mentioned peace and seeing HG being in it. This is what I also understand or think for how HG „feels“… (despite the Creature or in addition to the Creature, is where I don’t understand how it works in combination with awareness…)
            Have you watched „Inside the Mind of a Narcissistic Psychopath“ (here is the link: )
            In the end of the video you literally see/hear it (the peace)

  30. zoe says:

    Hi HG, If an IPPS were to offer you no fuel, live with you but no attention, Stepford wife, not get upset etc would you discard them? Also what if they did cause utter chaos with your nearest and dearest (tell your sister how her husband was cheating on her etc – not threaten but actually do) would she be discarded?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      If they live with me they would provide me with fuel, they would find it impossible not to do so.

  31. Black Phoenix says:

    If a woman simulate to be hurted on a finger (exaggerating the pain) and feel bad (“I need to sit”) with the purpose of spend time with you and see if you are kind with her… could this be a Narc indicator?

    Her business partner is a MMR A False Angel woman. (She scammed an old friend so I know many things about her).

  32. Candied Pansy says:

    HG, have you read Isaac Asimov’s Foundation series and/or seen the show?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No and no.

  33. Black Phoenix says:

    Do you think we can consider the sexual abuse made by a N a true “sexual violence”.
    My therapist said “You have suffered a sexual violence” and this made me cry.

    (I was virgin and I was DLS without knowing)

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes, sexual abuse can amount to sexual violence.

    2. annaamel says:

      BP, if someone has used sex to cause you to feel fear or worry, or their aim has been to leave you feeling less than happy or satisfied (or they have not cared how you’d feel) then to me that counts as sexual violence. If their aim is not to make you feel good (better than before) then it’s a form of violence against you.

      When you said you cried at your therapist’s comment I felt so awful for you. That this was your first partner is such a shame (although many people don’t have the initial experiences they hope for, unfortunately). I’m very glad you have a therapist and they seem to understand what you’ve gone through and can help put it into words.

      I hope the support you are receiving in therapy and through this site is helping you so you can find future relationships which are more nurturing for you.

      1. Black Phoenix says:

        Thank You annaamel !

    3. Asp Emp says:

      HI BP, HG’s book ‘Sex and The Narcissist’ explains well and I was able to see the difference and understand better my past relationships. I actually stopped questioning the why, how, when etc. This book made a lot of sense to me.

  34. Free Indeed says:

    Dear HG,
    I remember seeing brain scans of a man who was diagnosed with NPD. It was compared to another scan (I think his wife’s) Who is not NPD.

    I was impressed with how the colorization of the lobes were distinctly different between the two.

    If you had the opportunity, would you be curious enough to get a brain scan?
    King regards,
    Free indeed

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I would be interested to see what it looks like, but it would not tell me anything I did not already know.

      1. Rebecca says:

        I’m sure others on here would like to see your brain scan too, I know I would. Xx I’d like to see mine too, just to confirm and curiosity sake. Xx

      2. In so many words says:

        I did not know that the brains of narcissists look different. It is established by neuroscience that the brains of psychopaths looks different, as illustrated by the famous story of James H. Fallon.

        He was a senior neuroscientist, when he learned that he has the brain of a psychopath by looking at this own brain scan without knowing that it was his. He was looking at his brain scan as a part of a study on Alzheimer’s. At the same time, his laboratory was conducting an unrelated study on the brains of psychopaths (taken from the prison population, so these were not people of nowhere near HG’s intelligence).

        James Fallon thought that it was a practical joke and asked who slipped in one of the psychopaths. When he told his wife and friends about his discovery, they were not surprised. He told the story publicly and considers himself a prosocial psychopath, and attributes the prosocial part to his loving and nurturing upbringing. His way of alleviating boredom was apparently his profession.

        Interestingly, like HG he slept 4 hours a night, until as an experiment, he started acting as a considerate person would, out of cognitive empathy. He said he was exhausted and started sleeping 6-7 hours a night. He didn’t say whether he abandoned that experiment.

        1. In so many words says:

          HG, do you think he is right that he is prosocial because he had (by his own assessment) a loving and nurturing upbringing?

          1. HG Tudor says:

            That would appear to be a significant factor.

    2. Heidi says:

      Hi Free Indeed,
      I’ve been reading “Columbine,” about the school shootings in the late 1990s in Colorado. One of the shooters was diagnosed postmortem with NPD, by various psychiatric experts analyzing data collected from his life and writings.
      The author mentioned the same thing with brain scans, noting that the narc brain is devoid of emotions that the rest of us experience. This indeed backs up what Mr. T. writes. I have no doubt his brain scan would track with this.
      As a teacher, one thing that disturbs me is the refusal among psychiatrists to diagnose children with NPD. Aside from the lack of gun control in my country, I believe this would help educators immensely and could potentially help us reduce school shootings.
      I know I just went off on a little tangent apart from your question, but this topic of brain scans is forefront in my mind right now (no pun intended.😊)!

      1. I appreciate your comment. I have gotten into arguments before about school shooters. My view has always been that everyone knows who they are before they act. There are multiple interactions with authorities.
        Then the do gooders insist that they are mainstream ed.
        My argument is that they need to be identified and submitted to group homes with high security.
        It sounds cold but how many lives now could have been saved….
        I won’t go into the gun issue because of how polarizing that is.
        Kind regards

      2. Gillian says:

        NPD can’t be diagnosed before early adulthood.
        There is a second “narcissistic” phase of separation-individuation in adolescence – I don’t know whether or not the individual’s experiences during that period have any bearing on how the disorder ultimately develops (in terms of severity). I know also that the brain doesn’t stop developing until about 23 or so(?).
        I’d have thought it should definitely be possible to identify persons at risk though, at an earlier stage.

      3. FYC says:

        In the interest of accuracy I offer the following: There are noted structural differences of fMRI scans of psychopathic brains, not narcissistic brains per se, though both conditions can be “co-morbid”. The only differences noted in studies of diagnosed NPD individuals thus far (that I am aware of) is that of mirror neurons, and that of activity of the areas of the brain activated during an empathetic experience of other (versus self– in which narcissists are the same as non-narcissists).

        Bear in mind all people have narcissistic traits. It is a scale (please refer to for a simple stratification, among many other excellent works here). NPD individuals adopt (begin to create) their defense mechanism as a means of survival, at a time the brain has virtually no development of the prefrontal cortex development where higher reasoning occurs (Development of Prefrontal Cortex From birth to age 5 the brain develops more than any other time in life. What is not utilized repeatedly in the brain dies (neurons/synapses). What is utilized becomes a ‘superhighway’ for thought and behavior. Memories and the attached feelings are retained as they happened at the time they were formed. Therefore, a NPD preteen or teen or adult may be able to cognitively reason that the abuse/threat to survival has ended, but this would not change the feelings and choices that resulted over time.

        Though neural plasticity enables continued development, this would require active and dedicated pursuit. I do not believe, given their development, an NPD would pursue such change as the deconstruction of their defense would be experienced as life threatening and logically be considered a useless and ridiculous notion (they perceive no need or desire). Further I have not read any documented cases of real and lasting change. I know when I began reading this blog, my desire was to heal/help NPDs in my life, but this is not possible. Acceptance offers better choices and appreciation for what does exist.

        I believe the reason why schools do not isolate potentially harmful children is because they are in the process of development, and the DSM does not afford diagnosis under age 18. The psychological community at large still believes NPD individuals can be “treated” or “cured”.

        Consider the fact that many children are shy, bullied, upset, angry and do not murder other children. Imagine the developmental, social and legal ramifications of labeling a child (potentially incorrectly to a significant degree). This is not the solution. Further, not all psychopaths and narcissists are killers.

        Perhaps the solution would be to educate all people on how humans a/effect humans, especially primary caregivers to children. Most people are unaware how their adult logic and behavior affects a child even when they have the best intent. Bearing in mind the best intent would vary widely depending upon the psychological make up of the caregiver.

        I would suggest all people have value in some way. Knowledge offers us the ability to minimize negative experiences.

        1. Heidi says:

          Hello FYC,
          Thank you for the information.
          The book on Columbine went into some detail about the probability of NPD in the two shooters, specifically Eric Harris (the leader of the two).
          I have been digging into this topic while off for the summer break, primarily because our school had a scary incident in the spring. It was not a shooting, but the threat was credible.
          Mr. T.’s content has been helpful to me on a personal level. I just wish there was more training available for teachers on this topic as a whole. Like you said, the DSM takes into account brain development under age 25. Mr. T.’s content is excellent, but as he is not a certified psychologist, it could probably not be implemented here in the States.
          Identifying students before widespread violence is key — unfortunately, the info is not widely available to all teachers due to confidentiality laws. Problematic.
          Meanwhile, I am being proactive by collecting information on psychopathy and narcissism and past school shootings. It is the only way for me to do my part to protect my students.

          1. FYC says:

            Hi Heidi, Your desire to stop school shootings is noble. The difficulty lies in accurately applying acquired understanding to students, and the potential for any damage if wrong. There is ample documentation of incorrect diagnosis and prognosis by trained professionals who have good intent, but are limited in their understanding. HG’s books Red Flag and Black Flag may assist you to identify concerning behaviors.

            I have studied the areas of NPD and APD deeply since finding HG a few years ago. I still would not able to diagnose with any accuracy, even though my knowledge base is quite good. Why? Because of my internal make up and personal lens (I am an HG tested empath and an ACON). I am learning, but it is a painful and dedicated process to to see things very clearly and not allow my emotions skew my logic.

            The other thing to consider is how NPD/APD individuals are effected by perceived shame.

            The only assistance that has been noted in research or anecdotally by therapists in articles, is to apply empathy to promote pro-social behavior [caveat: this is qualitative research, subject to interpretation and individual interpretation]. Based on what I have learned here, I have my doubts.

            I wish you all the best with your pursuit of knowledge.

  35. KitKat says:

    Mr. Tudor, in your opinion, why does humanity fail to learn from history, and thus repeat mistakes again and again, ad nauseam?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Who they are really dealing with.

      1. KitKat says:

        Thank you for your answer.

        Do you have a prediction as to the fate of humanity? How long we will last, how we will end, etc?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Humanity will be granted an extension by submitting to the Ultra World Order.

          1. Melody says:

            Hahaha! Alright our fate is to submit to you but what would it implies? Would you ask for a temple or a harem of empaths trained to fuel you on request? Will you create a HG’s fuel taxation? Would you allow us to move and live only according to our profiles? Just teasing.
            Main and first thing to proclaim would be that any aspiring politician worldwide would have to do a test to be able to run for a mandate. Also for any sort of position implying people’s wellbeing. Also a Tudor license granting the right to have pets or farm animals only if you are an empath or normal with empathy.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            I have no need to cultivate that, I have an existing fuel matrix.

  36. Heidi says:

    Curious — do you know if your psychiatrists use the work of Dr. Robert Hare when dealing with you?
    He developed a program for psychotic teenagers, which has had some success. It sounds very similar to your work with all of us who are empaths.
    (I discovered him while researching American school shootings this summer.)

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I have no knowledge of that.

  37. Zoe says:

    Hi HG,
    Have you ever pissed off a primary source so much that they have basically hurled abuse at you and cut you down in a million way and also threatened to cause chaos for people you care about if you ever contact them again? Would this make you hate them and detach or would that just be extra challenging?
    Have any of your appliances/victims done a narc detector on you?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes, it is hugely entertaining watching them lose their tempers and threaten and quiver with anger, I must admit there are times where I could not stifle my laughter.
      They are threatening my control, but not very effectively and are soon brought back into line.
      No, they have not.

      1. Rebecca says:

        You’d definitely laugh then, when I get angry. 🤣 I shake , fume, cuss and I cry tears of frustration, mainly because I’m holding back from hitting the instigator and it’s frustrating me to the eruption point. Entertainment for you 😆 xx

      2. Rebecca says:

        Dare I ask how you get them back in line?? Xx The three assertions of control?? It’s like I can hear you whisper it in my ear. Xx

      3. Jasmin (SOTF) says:

        Hello HG,
        This conversation prompted a few questions:

        HG says:
        “it is hugely entertaining watching them lose their tempers and threaten and quiver with anger, I must admit there are times where I could not stifle my laughter.”

        1. Is this your psychopathy or will a pure narcissist find this situation entertaining aswell?

        Zoe says:
        “also threatened to cause chaos for people you care about”

        Whilst I can understand that an empathic victim may lose their tempers and hurl out abuse towards their abuser, I do struggle to see an empath to threaten to cause trouble for other people. They are separate individuals. It seems to me like something the narcissist will do as a consequence of their black and white thinking. “When you are painted black everything about you is bad”

        2. Have you experienced an empath threatened to cause chaos for people (they believe) you care about?
        3. Is it correct to say that even people related to you (family, friends, colleagues etc.) will be wiewed as bad when you are painted black?
        4. How does it work with regard to themselves? Through the narcissists perspective we are an extention of yourself. You don’t know were you end and we begin. Therefore, from my perspective, if we are painted black and are bad, then so are you. I understand this cannot be, thereof the question.

        Thank you in advance.🖤

        1. HG Tudor says:

          1. This is my psychopathy.
          2. Yes.
          3. Painted black by whom?
          4. No, when you are painted black you are not seen as an extension.

          1. Dani says:

            Mr. Tudor–

            Regarding an empath threatening to cause trouble for you/people they think you care about…

            1. Is it humorous because you caused such upset or is it humorous that they think you care about those people and won’t want that happen or that you think they’re incapable of accomplishing it? Is it all of those and more?
            2. How commonly have you heard this kind of threat from an empath?
            3. Have you heard these threats from empaths who weren’t your IPPS?
            4. Did they try to act on their threat?

            Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciated.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            1. It is humorous to see them bang their tiny fists against the edifice that it is the Ultra.
            2. Most infrequently
            3. Yes, but it is rare.
            4. Ha ha ha ha.

          3. WhoCares says:


            Interesting…I just wanted to confirm that I understood that:

            “4. No, when you are painted black you are not seen as an extension.”

            Therefore, we are only viewed as an extension of the narcissist when painted as white/ good?

          4. HG Tudor says:

            You are an extension when painted white and at the commencement of turning black, then you are temporarily jettisoned from extension status.

          5. WhoCares says:

            Good to know!

          6. WhoCares says:

            And thank-you for your answer.

          7. Dani says:

            Thank you, sir.

            In terms of non-IPPS empaths who have issued that threat…
            What has been the general context? Was it in a business/professional relationship? Was it more personal, you hurting someone that empath cares about? Bit of both?

            Thank you for your time. Much appreciated.

          8. Jasmin (SOTF) says:

            Thank you for confirming and putting pieces together. Saw your awnser to Dani and WC.

            I’ll try to make the third question more clear:

            3. Is it correct to say that people related to ANY appliance, ie their family, friends, colleagues etc., will be wiewed as bad/ painted black when the appliance is painted black by the narcissist?

            As I posted the question I assumed it was a ‘one size fits all’ so it would be painted black by any Narcissist. If there are differences between the schools however it would be appreciated to have those shortly explained.

          9. HG Tudor says:

            Not necessarily, no.

        2. Joa says:

          Nonsense annoys me the most. N2 often gave me some crap. After several hours of verbal scrambling, of reasoning and evidence (whenever I was done, I waved it off, he kept feeding it, went back to the beginning of the nonsense, and we repeated the circle), his satisfaction was all too evident. Then, I would go into a whirlwind of apologies for all my “harsh” words, and he’d reply: “Oh no, my dear Joa, I’m not nervous at all. I’ve been smiling for a long time.” And then, again I was able to talk to a “sense” person, instead of the “total wooden block” I had dealt with a moment earlier. This change happened in a second.

          I felt a great relief then. And I even thought how generous and wonderful he was, that he was able to forgive me so quickly all the epithets about him, that escaped me.

          I looked with adoration at this understanding man and next there were wonderful moments, when his “love” flooded me to the top of my head. I was drowning in a sea of ​​happiness.


          N1 did exactly the same, but more subtly and let me wallow in remorse later, we dug up the condition of our relationship together, promises, promises, tears. Blah blah, blah, it was tiring.

          And then there was… the lake of happiness.


          The descent down with N1 was sometimes gentle and sometimes sharp. Then the elevator was going up to the tops of the mountains.

          The descent down with N2 was sometimes gentle and sometimes very sharp and fast. The lift up took me into the clouds. I flew lightly, very long and freely. Dazed, choked with wonder and adoration. The sun blinded my eyes.

          And now, I shivered as I remembered N2 stony face and all his power. He is still dangerous to me…

          That dissonance again.

          Die, perish, impure wraith.


          I didn’t threaten to cause chaos around him. I rarely make threats, it’s not in my nature.

          I did it. The way I do most of the time. Concentrated and silent. Without the slightest rustle.

          Two court cases against him. Financial controls at his mother’s company.

          I didn’t feel the need to “work” on his older sister. I always knew, she was just like me. She had no choice, only to move away from it. She is a good mother and a valuable person. Under other circumstances, she could have been a wonderful aunt to my child. I wondered about his twin sister, but left her alone – I’m still not sure about her. He acts like Narcissus, very possessive and offensive, exaggerated facade, noisy and feisty, but I think he’s a heavily eroded CoD – since birth, tossed like a ball from his mother’s claws to his twin brother’s claws. She’s still fighting. I’m not sure about her.

          Everyone, except for the oldest sister, left the country. They disappeared like mist and sat quietly for years. It was the best solution for them. I wouldn’t stop, until I got the satisfaction, of them ignoring my child.

          Right now… let’s just say I’m partially satisfied. There is a minimal glimmer of goodwill. Offal. Although I know, that I force it and the circumstances, that I use. It’s enough to save them from the trouble I’m generating.

          I also prefer them to stay away.


          So, if you think the Empath is so generous and good that he won’t cause harm to the Narcissus’ environment, you’re wrong. It just depends on how much it burns you inside. My flame is very small at the moment, barely smoldering. That could have been the case for years… but for obvious reasons, it wasn’t.

          1. Jasmin (SOTF) says:

            Hello Joa,
            Thank you for sharing your story and your perspective.
            It appears to me that you do take each and every person separately into account and evaluate their status. You left the sister alone because she was like you (empathic?) and the twin sister because you wasn’t sure. This tells me that you don’t want to hurt the innocent in order to ‘revenge’ on the N. Is that correct?
            Did the mother cause any harm to you personally (or to someone you care about) or was the financial control of her company purly to get at N2?

            I suppose what an Empath will say and do, or won’t say and do, goes down to our personal empathic make up, traits and streaks?

          2. Joa says:

            Jasmin, that was 16 years ago, so I didn’t know the systematics that HG created at the time. I used mine – intuitive – much less detailed.
            (Thank you HG! You make it easier and faster for me to navigate this maze).

            There was also no information about Narcissism on the Internet. The only trail, I found, then was Asperger’s Syndrome, but not everything was right for me. In the end, I left it behind and devoted myself fully to raising our child and working. Only when he came back after 13 years and once again I realized that something was wrong – I found the entry Narcissism without any problems. And I had an revelation. And then I got here – “Heureka!!!”. It was almost like a catharsis 🙂 (Please insert acknowledgments here which is above).

            Yes, the older sister is definitely an Empath. Her husband Narcissus (he’s been keeping his foot on my door for 17 years, because he’s worried about his mother-in-law’s inheritance – I once used to not believe that people can be like that…). N2 and his brother-in-law have a rivalry and a silent war. He ran up to me with a gin and tonic (he opened his best bottle for me and I was embarrassed…) and entertained me all evening, being polite and trying to impress me – and N2 was beaming with pride at the time. On further contacts, each time he tried to torpedo the N2 – I didn’t like it and it hurt me. His brother-in-law is a former police chief in the capital of my country. When he called me 2 years ago at 2 am (!) and dragged the conversation until 4 am – it was like a “background interrogation”. I was exhausted, as if dragged through a mangle. I talked to him, because I was also conducting my “interview” and gathering information. Plus I took advantage of this conversation later, shooting N2 with information about her and pretending to be innocent (I said it “accidentally” – although I enjoyed this move for weeks – and “I don’t remember” much after all this time what his brother-in-law asked me and what I answered). N2 went crazy and couldn’t calm down for almost a day 🙂
            (In HG terminology, information has been exchanged between two separate compartment). Bleh, terrible games – but sometimes the situation requires it.

            I don’t know if you can call it revenge, demanding money for your child – but yes, my action certainly bore the hallmarks of this. It was a fight for justice, with a bit of a dark shadow (I was fighting for N2’s attention – hate me but don’t ignore me!).

            His mother and he are “one flesh”. It’s a very emotionally incestuous relationship. Perhaps even physically – or N2 was deliberately giving me such clues – knowing how much it hurts me (his harm as a child + disgust at his degeneration + other factors).

            Financial control in his mothers company + blocking of accounts – was to show their cheating (which I knew about) and to show his income, which he pretended not to have.

            Yes, the wound inflicted by his mother burned me much more. He still smokes today. She was present in our relationship the whole time, I had daily contact with her – she deceived me more. She was the head of their mother-son relationship. Now that has probably changed and he is the head. They were like two hungry vultures, that tore at me. They discussed the details of this relationship behind my back. I must admit, that her facade was very good – respected and valued in the environment, a strong and caring mother. N2 took advantage of the facade her magnificence.

            They left the country and I got NOTHING from him for 13 years. Of course, all the time his backlog in the country was growing, and it was obvious that someday it would come back to him like a boomerang. I waited. I could have put an APB on him, but…I didn’t want to “hurt” him that much. My goal was not to put him in jail, but to get money for our baby. Also… I couldn’t bear the thought of MY CHILD’s father and someone I once loved being in prison. This has never been in my family and never will be (unless he places himself there). I also care about my own facade and reputation in my own environment. I also knew, that subsequent bailiff’s sentences keep him where he is – he couldn’t come back and cross the border of our country – I loved him, I missed him in moments when our child was laughing (I so wanted him to see it and share in our happiness), but at the same time I knew he had to stay away from me. If he came back… he’d have me wrapped around his finger in days. Despite all the harm he has done to our child… I couldn’t allow it. I would despise myself. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror after that.
            He’s still dangerous to me, though I thought he wasn’t… Die, perish, impure wraith. Bore me to death so I’ll never be interested in you again…

            Sorry for the length of this – even I got tired of writing about him 🙂

          3. Joa says:

            Once it became clear that he was leaving, there were many wicked words he said. I only asked for a symbolic help (he currently pays the equivalent of 20 beers in his country – he said it with satisfaction – in my country it’s a week of life in terms of food alone).

            But what was burning me the most at that time, 16 years ago, and what prompted my lawsuit activities was:

            – “I’m not your ATM.”
            – “You use, so you pay.” (in the sense – you use the child and I don’t, so you pay for “it”).

            If he hadn’t said those words then, I probably never would have done it, resigned and cut him out of our lives. And so for over a year I waited “in limbo” for him to take his own initiative. I waited a long time, before taking this step. I still loved him, fighting him in court.

            It was weird, when he acted like an asshole in the courtroom (e.g. referring to me as “Mrs. Joa” as if I was a stranger and he telling lies), and when I asked the court for a break (I filed the lawsuits myself and handled all my cases myself) so that I could talk to him alone in the corridor and reconcile – he stood so close to me as if he wanted to hug me, he looked into my eyes with “that look”, as if he wanted to kiss me, I remember that my voice started to tremble and I took a few steps back and he leaned in again. I could smell his scent. He agreed to a settlement. But after sentencing, he told the judge: “I’m never going to pay anyway.”

            The worst was my happiness and euphoria, that I saw him and heard him after a few months of silence… This court case was secondary at that moment. Eh, stupid me 🙂

            Yes, I don’t should to go back to it. I know.

          4. Joa says:

            “Would you like to see her? I left her with my friend for the duration of the trial. I’ll pick her up and we’ll go home. You know, her hair has grown to her shoulders and you can do ponytails. She still laughs so much and talks more and more. You can’t imagine, how funny creates puns and conglomerates of words, sometimes I cry with laughter…
            …Do you want come to her?” – I asked as we left the courthouse and stopped at the corner of the street to smoke a cigarette.

            “No” – he replied, and took a drag on his cigarette and the embers brightening.

            “Are you sure? You haven’t seen her in 8 months.” – I tried again and looked him straight in the eye. My gaze was simultaneously challenging, pleading, and excited to see his face again.


            The pain, that tore at my heart then should have caused a storm, and the sky should have turned black and annihilated all life on earth…

            “Wait, I still have some of your things in the car, that you left at my home. I parked across the street.”

            “Doesn’t want”.

            “Suit, shirts, pants, backpack, green sweatshirt [ed. yes, the one in which I liked you so much and admired you when we looked out the window at the sea], documents, school leaving certificates and other things… If you don’t take it, I’ll throw it away. What should I do about it?”

            “Okay, I’ll take it.”

            We stubbed out our cigarettes and walked a short distance in silence. I handed him a package with things folded the day before. In the pocket of suit I slipped a photo of our laughing daughter with my annotation on the back and a pink hospital band from her tiny hand when she was born.

            I have the hospital band from our daughter’s other hand.

            “I’m going back to Warsaw with my friends. They’re waiting for me at the mall. I’ll give you my new number” – and pulled out his new phone.

            “Okay” – and I pulled out my new phone, identical to his.

            “Funny” – he said looking at the model of my phone.

            “Funny” – I replied.

            “Well, gotta go. Take care.” – he said as he walked away.

            “Take care.” – I echoed after him once more.

            I stood still, watching his receding back. He turned his head slightly, not slowing his pace. I caught the corner of his eyes. Only then did I get in the car.


            The 3 separate roles, that I was forced to play towards him at the same time, caused a powerful dissonance in me.

            1. A focused woman asserting her rights.
            2. A lover, who misses the man she loves, desires and dies without.
            3. A mother, whose pain – after the child was rejected by the one who should be a guardian and signpost – spread and swallowed everything with clouds of black smoke.


            Pity. Such a pity…


            When I look into her wise, kind eyes now, sometimes smiling so beautifully and sometimes emanating with rage – I don’t feel that pain anymore. I am calm. If you could understand how powerful it feels…

          5. Joa says:

            – You told me so much today and asked me so many questions, I answered all of them. I don’t want any more. But finally, I also have one question for you…

            – What is?

            – In fact, your answer is of little importance. I’m asking, only for that “old me”. I remembered something recently. Do you remember after the court hearing, we went to my car and I gave you a package with your clothes, documents and other things.

            – I threw away those rags. (*! – green sweatshirt).

            – That’s not the point…

            – You want to ask about the shoes, band and photo?

            – Oooooh, what?

            – Wait a minute.

            After 3 minutes, I receive a photo of my daughter’s white shoes, a pink band from her hand, and her photograph.

            – Feeling uncomfortable now? Did you feel stupid?

            – No. I’m surprised. I forgot about the shoes… Indeed, I also gave you her first shoes…


            The truth is, it shredded my brain for over a day.

            I still feel the warming.

            Yes, I know these “props” have been used many times to manipulate different women. Yes, I know with what pedantism he stores “souvenirs” in separate boxes and binders.

            Yes I know…

            Warm… warm…

  38. Anna Plyance says:

    Dear HG,
    if you would allow me to play devil’s advocate for a moment, please: You choose IPPSs who possess some similar core characteristics with regards to fuel provision etc., and they invariably let you down. Naturally, you know what they say about repeating the same pattern of behaviour and expecting a different outcome. In the time since you first became aware that you were acquiring an IPPS for the Prime Aims, have you ever tried a different approach? Maybe a slightly less efficient (horror of horrors) set-up with more of a view towards long-term viability? – Is that a case of hindsight being 20/20? – Or would that turn stale just as much or cause other problems? Thank you for so patiently indulging our curiosity, when these questions can only be classified as highly intrusive and maybe even infra dig.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The ease by which I am able to secure a primary source means that their repeated failure is not a problem to me.

      1. Anna Plyance says:

        That is certainly convenient. And when you are hoovering them back in, you are of yourse only doing your bit for the environment by recycling used appliances.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Greta Thunberg wants to marry me.

          1. WhoCares says:


          2. Rebecca says:

            HW wants to marry you too, she’d love to get her claws in you. Xx ❤️ ❤️

          3. Anna Plyance says:

            Of course she does, she’s not completely stupid! And then she will want you to give up the Jag and the flying, while she goes swanning around the world demonstrating for a sustainable lifestyle. And then she will want you to stop using so much fuel and run on solar power or hot air instead.

          4. HG Tudor says:

            I gave up the Jag at Christmas.

          5. Anna Plyance says:

            That is one thing Greta would not nag you about then, unless you replaced it with a Hummer. That poor Jag, dumped on Christmas…

          6. Anna Plyance says:

            Let me guess. You exchanged the Jag for a 1967 Deutz D3005.

          7. HG Tudor says:


          8. Anna Plyance says:

            If you had, it would still work today. That is one reliable little appliance.

          9. Anna Plyance says:

            I am going to have to scold you, HG. While it is wonderful of you to offer the Empath Detector at half price, the code for it is just not right. That number at the end of the code does not belong there. I see why you used it, but it should not be anywhere near your name and especially not in conjunction with this particular verb. There can only be one number at the end of that sentence, and it is not one with two digits. Anybody who can write that sentence without shuddering is lying.

          10. Anna Plyance says:

            HG, you never said: Should we expect an announcement shortly that from now on HG stands for “Husband of Greta” and you are residing in Thunberg Towers? If you gave up the Jag at Christmas, then you might have had something going on with her all this time! Have you explained to her that the fuel you consume is a form of carbon neutral renewable energy that is produced on-demand to your exact specifications? Or maybe you would rather keep that quiet, otherwise the whole world would come knocking.
            Still, seven months or so is a bit quick to be getting married. She says you are “soulmates”? Oh, oh. Do not let her sweet-talk you into any rash decisions, better consult with an expert first. I know this terrific guy who will set you straight. Absolutely wonderful fellow, easily could have been the ultimate villain-to-end-all-villains but decided to moonlight as a superhero who helps us little worms beat the other villains instead, for purely selfish reasons, of course. He could still be a supervillain the rest of the time, you say? Well yes, I suppose so. But if that is the case he is so circumspect not to tell us about it, which spares us from having to make some potentially very uncomfortable decisions. We get to keep our eyes firmly shut to what we do not wish to see and go on pretending to be these good blameless people, and he can keep doing whatever he does without anyone getting in his way or haranguing him about it. So it all works out rather neatly.
            Have you ever heard the phrase, “It’s your sack of bricks. You carry it!”? He certainly carries his load without complaining once, and as if that were not enough, takes on some of ours, too. From his perspective the bricks might look rather different, but all the same: Thank you, dear. And so that you know I really mean it: Danke für alles, was Du tust.

  39. healthy toes says:

    Hi HG
    Do you own a kilt?
    If not have you ever worn one?

    1. HG Tudor says:


      1. Rebecca says:

        Dear HG,

        We’re you wearing the kilt in the traditional fashion? Xx🙃😉😁

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No, on my head.

          1. Rebecca says:


            😆 I meant without anything else underneath the kilt….the way its supposed to be worn…Traditional style, or no? 😆 😉 Feel the breeze in those mountains xx

          2. Carole says:

            HG, the question asked should have been, did you wear anything under the kilt ?

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Just my syrup

          4. KitKat says:

            He knew what you meant, you guys 😹
            And he answered accurately…in a way

          5. Rebecca says:

            Kit Kat,
            Thanks, I knew HG was being funny. Xx
            I’m seeing HG’s answer in a different way now and it’s making me laugh xx

          6. Sweetest Perfection says:

            “Coconuts” syrup?

          7. KitKat says:

            Wait, I just realized that you guys knew he knew, and were making suggestions on how to phrase the question with no possibility of ‘misinterpretation’. Duhh, my bad.

            Hmmmm, what do you guys think?🤔 Freeball or imprisoned ball?
            It depends on who he was with, the nature of the event in which he was partaking, and how old he was.
            He’s mentioned that when he was a wee lad, he would flash to get a reaction from people, so he doesn’t have a total aversion to blowin’ in the wind.

            HG, I apologize for sexualizing you 😹.
            And I’m also sorry for using emojis.

          8. Rebecca says:

            Hi Kit Kat,

            You’re fine, no worries. Xx I think, imprisoned ball, but then again, no one can imprison any part of HG. Xx

          9. Allison says:

            I don’t know what all the fuss is about as to whether anything was worn under that kilt. I’ve been led to believe the area in question has always been in top condition.

          10. WiserNow says:

            I’m intrigued about HG having worn a kilt now.


            When you wore a kilt, what was the occasion or activity you were partaking in?

            Also, have you ever done any caber tossing while wearing said kilt?

            Enquiring minds would like to know…

          11. HG Tudor says:

            I was participating in Highland games.
            Yes, caber tossing was one of the activities and no, that is not an euphemism.

          12. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Caber tossing is incredibly tough. You have to be all round strong. It involves various muscle groups including hammies, glutes, lower back, forearms shoulders and traps.

            Not just a runner then.

          13. HG Tudor says:

            No, but neither a tosser either (thought I would state it before someone else did).

          14. WhoCares says:


            “I was participating in Highland games.
            Yes, caber tossing was one of the activities and no, that is not an euphemism.”

            I remember past discussions on attendance at Highland Games – but I did not know you had participated in caber tossing…
            Hot damn.

          15. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Haha! No. Respect where respect is due.

        2. Rebecca says:

          Hi Carole,

          “Traditional fashion ” in regards to wearing a kilt, is without clothing underneath. ….Why i asked HG, if he wore the kilt in traditional fashion. Xx

          1. Rebecca says:

            Forgot to add, Carole,

            Not saying, “were ya naked underneath?” 😆like a Southern woman I am, was part of my joke of being under the radar funny….but, epic fail…..the balloon sinks 💩xx

          2. Asp Emp says:

            Rebecca, every time I am reminded of a kilt, I think of Gino D’acampo and what he purchased while in Scotland (a trip with Gordon & Fred)…… and the name he gave that ‘purchase’ of his…… just hilarious!

          3. KitKat says:

            Asp, I always think of the Simpsons when there was a gust of wind and groundskeeper Willy exposed all. They gave him a ‘fit’ rear 😹

          4. Rebecca says:

            @KIT KAT,
            I’m laughing at your comment about Willy from the Simpson and I can’t help,but think he free willied it. 🤣

        3. WiserNow says:


          Let’s just say that when HG wears a kilt, he wears a long one… 😉

          1. Rebecca says:

            Hi WiserNow,

            😆 🤣 I daresay how long the kilt would be! 😆 You made my mid morning! 😆

            HG, Did your team win, and was it windy in the mountains that day?? 😳 xx

          2. Rebecca says:

            Can you imagine playing any sport against HG?? American football, I’d run with the ball and keep running right off the field! 😆 🤣

          3. WiserNow says:


            HG wearing a kilt and competing in Highland Games is certainly something that would attract attention 😉 🙂

            I think I could imagine playing a sport against HG. If it was American football, I think I’d run off the field and keep running whether I was holding the ball or not 🏃‍♀️😁

            I wouldn’t even attempt to compete in a sport with HG. I would be happy to be a spectator, for two reasons:

            1) As HG says, every battle is won before it is fought; and

            2) Why spoil the view… 😉

            (I’d like to answer and like your comments directly, however this post doesn’t appear in WordPress and not all comments have a reply option outside of WordPress. That said, I hope my reply lands in the right place.)

        4. WiserNow says:

          I see, that’s interesting HG. I would like to visit Scotland and see a Highland Games festival. They look very colourful and entertaining with the competitions, music, dancing and other events.

          1. Rebecca says:

            Hi WiserNow,

            I saw your comment and it made me laugh. I enjoy playing sports, but tackle football is one I’d avoid playing with HG. My only hope would be to out run HG and I haven’t a clue how fast he is. 😆 All I know is I can maneuver through a crowd pretty easily, being short and small, I can slip through mostly anywhere, stairwell railings, tight places, up trees…though being up a tree would be a dumb move on my part. I could see me being stuck up there, with HG smiling up, holding a match. 😆😳😱💩 Yeah, I think I’ll pass on the football day with HG 😆 xx

      2. Rebecca says:

        Dear HG,

        Do you think you can do a live Q and A in the Membership only section?? Please and thank you xx

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Do you mean on YouTube?

          1. Rebecca says:

            Yes, for members only on your channel. Xx Live interaction with you.

  40. Bubbles says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,
    Have you heard the latest rumour ?
    Harry’s wife might be signing a deal with Dior.
    They will end up like the Dodgers and lose all their fans.

    Go woke go broke
    Harry’s wife equals strife 🤣

    I thought Dior would’ve had more common sense, thank goodness I stopped buying Dior yonks ago.
    Duchess of Dior 🤮
    Good luck

    1. Bubbles says:

      Dear Mr Tudor,
      Next ‘enthralling’ draw dropping episode …….Dan Wootton and Thomas Bowyer have mentioned in their latest GB news update, that Harry n his wife may be looking at changing their surname from Windsor to Spencer.

      1. Viol. says:

        But they named Lilibucks after the Queen.
        Expecting consistency from these folks is like expecting Madonna not to lip-synch.

        1. Bubbles says:

          Dearest Viol.
          I believe it was a strategic move with underlying intentions that she wanted to rub in the Queen’s face eg “look at me, I do what I want and you can’t stop me, neh, neh, neh, neh, neh”

          Harry’s wife’s every move is planned and orchestrated, good or bad. Profiteering from an institution you are trying to destroy shows her true colours. I hope one day she receives her comeuppance.

          Haha too true. Madonna is a rule unto herself.

        2. Another Cat says:

          Priceless! I hadn’t thought of this.

      2. Asp Emp says:

        Bubbles (hello 🙂 )
        Spencer,…..Frank Spencer ‘Some Mothers Do ‘Ave’ Them’…….. 🙂 x

        1. Bubbles says:

          Dearest AspEmp,
          Hello lovely one
          Yup, loved that show haha 😉 xx

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Hi Bubbles, thank you 🙂 xx

      3. Viol. says:

        HG, you have said somewhere that your favorite classical composer is Handel. Why do you prefer him to JS Bach?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          He has bite.

          1. Anna Plyance says:

            You just want that Refiner’s fire instead of the gurgling brook. Nothing wrong with a crispy Brat-Händel either.

          2. Viol. says:

            So rather than aligning yourself with Bach’s apparent emotional detachment, do you get a kind of Fuel from Handel? (He can also be detached, i.e., the Aylsforder pieces, but of course in _Messiah_ and the operas, he is anything but.)

          3. HG Tudor says:

            No, I do not get fuel from music.

          4. Another Cat says:

            Handel is fantastic, discovered him in choirs after my dad had pointed him out. “You guys sang Handel today!”
            “We did? Who is that?”

          5. Rebecca says:

            Do you get any feelings from music, or is it just a tool to get to the prime aims? I’m curious to see music in your perspective. I believe I’ve heard you say before that it’s just a tool for you…xx

          6. HG Tudor says:

            Answered many times previously.

  41. Another Cat says:

    Hello, HG
    I have pondered and read a couple of days about the victim narcissist. I met one last week I think.

    Can at Type A narcissist be of victim cadre or is that a contradiction?

    1. HG Tudor says:


      1. Another Cat says:

        Thank you!

  42. lovemrthornton says:

    I am really late to the party here, but yesterday I finally started watching “Dexter” on Showtime. It is like seeing everything you discuss on screen, including the IPPS relationship.
    Question: if you have seen this show, do you think the screenwriter/creator is a Greater?
    This show is crazily accurate.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I have only seen a short excerpt of the programme and therefore I am not in a position to answer your question to any accurate degree.

      1. Trev says:

        I watched a lot of Dexter. There is one little scene about putting on a facade which I will not describe as to avoid spoilers . But that’s all I remember about that. By my vague memory he gets into a relationship and has to act like he has emotions. But there the similarities end because he doesn’t devalue partners.

        1. Heidi says:

          Hi Trev!
          Yeah, I agree with you …. I am just up to season 3 now, and the way he cares for the girlfriend throws off the narcissism.
          I think he could be classified psychopath with narcissistic traits but not a full blown narcissist.
          The show does a good job of describing his lack of emotions, but he seems to cling to a sense of a “code” to only kill people “who deserve it.” So he is not really doing it out of a drive for complete control in that sense, otherwise I think could be seen as narcissist.
          It is a good show, and I see a lot of what Mr. T. describes in it, though.

    2. Ellen says:

      Screenwriter/creator could be an observer of human nature, child of a N, child or spouse of a psychologist, anyone informed on the topic, no?

      I’ve only watched one or two eps. Might try it again. Looks like an interesting premise.

      1. lovemrthornton says:

        Hi Ellen,
        It would be interesting to find out the screenwriter’s background. Whoever is writing the script has a firm grasp on the dynamics.
        I’m only into season 3 — hung it up while I started packing to move — but this is probably going to be my go-to show until I complete it over the next couple of months.
        There is a lot of what Mr. T. describes in it.

  43. Lucy says:

    Is this series being continued please: How No Contact Feels? – I can only find Pt 1 on the blog but I’d like to read about how no contact feels to the other schools too.
    Many thanks.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You will find it in the Knowledge Vault, Lucy, “The Effect of No Contact on the Narcissist”. Link in the menu bar.

      1. Lucy says:

        Excellent. Thank you.

  44. In so many words says:


    I can easily see that non narcissists don’t seek fuel, control or character traits. But don’t we all seek residual benefits? We network, ask friends for favors, try to get a deal. Sometimes with quid pro quo, sometimes without.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes, but the driver behind such pursuit is different, hence we seek residual benefits, you do not. I create distinct labels that are specific to narcissists to avoid confusion.

  45. Trev says:

    Is there a small time in-between the golden period and full devaluation where the ipps has not verbally insulted the narcissist ever?
    After the manipulations become unbearable is there a verbal attack from the empath which makes things worse permanently?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      There is no in-between period. The golden period gives way to the sustained devaluation, which can start with The Stranger Zone as part of the sustained devaluation, but not always.
      A verbal attack from the empath is challenge fuel and would be dealt with by way of further devaluing behaviour.

  46. In so many words says:

    Dear HG,

    You are always unequivocal that GOSO is the only way to go. So this is more of a confirmation. Is it your belief that one should never postpone getting out for a few years in order to avoid family court, which is likely to award joint custody of teenagers, as a default? Joint custody would result in the narcissist spending much more time with them.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, you should not postpone getting out by several years.

      1. Contagious says:

        In my case, I have a separation agreement and post nuptial but without independent representation of counsel … they could be challenged. So if I sue him, he could checks boxes, yes I want spousal support, yea I want community property, we send in our tax returns, I am fucked…until I raise the defenses of the separation agreement and post nuptial and physical separation and immigration issues then he would need counsel. It could go either way but that includes remaining married in eternity. We live in separate countries now but he always wants to reconcile and never will do a walk away divorce. We tried marriage counseling. I picked a man with a similar background: from east end like his old mum or gran who raised him, musician, same age, lives in Glastonbury. Mine from Somerset 16 on. We love Glastonbury. First session was great. He felt we loved each other, desired each other, and had common interests but he felt respect was lacking as my husband can’t separate from his BPD or narc mum ( who was his sister growing up). My hubby then got us fired from a second session as he insulted the counselor as saying he fancied me and he was persuaded by my looks and lawyering abilities. The end. . I responded by going full no contact and sending a walk away divorce settlement. I know he will never sign. His response was we don’t need counseling you look like a starchild, we should make up. I went no contact after my request. I don’t know if he will ever sign? Do you? But he has no money to fight me in court in California. And won’t. I don’t want to risk it suing him but I feel I might be married forever. On paper. Stuck. Is it possible he will get a new IPPS not his mum/sister and agree someday? I doubt it. I think I will be stuck on paper.

        1. lovemrthornton says:

          Hello ISMW and Contagious,
          I’ve been lurking on this conversation and hope you don’t mind me throwing in my own experience. It may or may not help, but I’m hoping it will aid in seeing how someone else went about their escape:

          I was pretty unconventional in that I escaped on the exact same day that my first-ever therapy session resulted in the warning, “Your life is in danger, and your son’s life is in danger.” I immediately went home and threw one set of underwear change for me and my 6-year-old in a Panera paper bag leftover from lunch. Grabbed a stack of my freelance writing paychecks he had confiscated, which were sitting in the open on the home office desk and then just never went back.

          When it finally came time to split up possessions, I only took the things I had owned independently before the marriage or things he had broken in anger (dining room chairs, etc.). I did this so that he would not accuse me of stealing anything from him. Left him in a house full of new furniture, fully outfitted kitchen, everything expensive. Left him with the house in the woods on the lake. Left him with the boat. Said I didn’t want any of it. I did not want to have any fight over worldly possessions. I just wanted out, and I wanted my son protected.

          Luckily for me, which I did not know at the time, he already had an IPSS lined up and went straight to her bed. He tried to hoover after the six months of court-ordered no-contact was over. I did not bite. I was done.

          Regarding child custody, I handled it this way: I knew his IPSS was pressuring him to get married. So I refused to grant the divorce *until* he agreed to me having our son under roof Monday-Saturday morning, and I made sure the divorce agreement allowed me to pick child up on Sunday morning “for church.” (What judge couldn’t say no to that?)

          I held out for a full year on that condition. He finally agreed because the IPSS wanted to get married so badly. That gave him just 24 hours per week with our son, and I was able to then influence our son so that he would not become a woman abuser.

          I know every situation is different, so my method probably is not for everyone. But the basic approach I took was: 1) Leave everything behind and don’t fight him for the good stuff. 2) Hold out for child custody conditions and refuse to sign divorce agreement until those conditions were met.

          I lost everything, had to declare bankruptcy, had to dig myself out of a chasm, had to completely start over … Took 13 years to get to where I am today … I would do it all over again the exact same way, knowing how arduous it would be.

          Hope this can be helpful to someone out there.

          1. WhoCares says:


            Talk about arduous, yes. Thank-you for sharing your story… incredibly brave…and generous of you to open up about it.

            Similarly, I left in an unconventional way – with only what I could fit in the back of a stroller, on my feet, and with my son.
            Left everything.
            Only retrieved my cat, at a later date, with the help of a friend.
            I pre-emptively sought emergency custody and supervised access – got both.
            Still picking up the pieces, financially.

            I know you provided a lot detail, but I know what also goes left unsaid between the lines. ♥️

            Thanks again for sharing. It was good to hear a story like that today – or any day, for that matter!

          2. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Who Cares,

            “ Only retrieved my cat at a later date.”

            I see the thinking there.

            That made me fill up!


    2. WhoCares says:

      In so many words,

      May I ask why you assume the family court would be “likely to award joint custody of teenagers, as a default…”?

      1. Another Cat says:

        If I may give a third input, WhoCares, in many countries, like mine, 50/50 is standard, unless someone proves severe/physical abuse in the other parent.

        Is mother-getting-most-of-the-custody still standard in US/Can?

        1. WhoCares says:


          “If I may give a third input, WhoCares, in many countries, like mine, 50/50 is standard, unless someone proves severe/physical abuse in the other parent. Is mother-getting-most-of-the-custody still standard in US/Can?”

          Thanks for your input, Another Cat!
          I was not aware of that standard in other countries – I had heard some states in the US are like that, but not all.

          I do not believe that the “mother-getting-most-of-the-custody” is still standard in Canada – but I don’t know the current statistics, to really answer that.

          I know that in my jurisdiction, that a 50/50 split on custody or joint decision-making – (because access or “parenting time” is a separate matter from that) – could only happen where the parents can communicate or “get along” effectively. If it is demonstrated otherwise or there are reasons that they cannot (due to one being abusive and/or difficult, etc.), it needs to be decided who will make the custodial decisions and this is determined by taking into account many variables, including who has been the primary caregiver, for how long, who has demonstrated the ability to put the child’s need ahead of their own needs, etc…

    3. Rebecca says:

      Hi In So Many Words,

      It doesn’t always work out that way with custody. My stepdaughter lost custody of her daughter, due to audio evidence of her abuse,that was played in court and used against her. She has visitation, but is not the custodial parent. If a person has evidence of the abuse, then that person can get custody. It just has to be significant evidence against them. I hope that helps you, or someone here. Xx

      1. In so many words says:

        Thank you lovemrthornton and Rebecca. He is not violent; a mid ranger. In the US, it varies by state. In my state, it’s 50/50 custody by default. There needs to be evidence of egregious behavior for him to lose custody. I recorded a few verbal attacks, but it’s likely not enough for him to lose custody. Lately, he mostly leaves us alone, ignores me and exercises control by withdrawal. He sleeps in a separate room. There was a time when this would have bothered me; now I am so grateful that this is where his narcissism took him. But I am not sure whether it is a blessing or a curse; if I had to share a bed with him, I would be out before the kids are 18 (age when custody is not an issue); too much physical revulsion. I think HG is right, but my kids are better of emotionally and financially if I stay put for now.

        1. Rebecca says:

          Hi In So Many Words,

          You never know, you might have enough audio evidence already. My stepdaughter’s ex boyfriend only had ONE AUDIO RECORDING and it made him custodial parent, granted she was really nasty in the Audio, but still you could have enough. Have you tried a Consultation with HG? HG could help you with directing you to the right action plan. You could also try a lawyer, they can help in the fight with custody. They have some who are willing to work with financial issues, or if thats not an issue, you can just ask if the recordings you have are enough. I know the one recording against my stepdaughter helped her ex boyfriend tremendously. Shes a narc, HG confirmed and Im relieved he won custody. I hope things work out and don’t lose hope. Xx

          1. Heidi says:

            One more thought on this, ISMW …
            If you are in separate bedrooms, good, but that will only go so far. It is like a band-aid approach to the bigger issue.
            I would caution you just to be careful … I slept in my child’s room with him the last 6 months of my marriage for safety. But separate rooms do not solve the problem. Eventually I just had to cut bait and go.
            Everyone is different— I wish you well and hope you can extricate successfully in the future.

  47. Anna says:

    Dear HG

    Please can you write on your blog about toxic empathy? The point where an empath suffers because the feel so much and absorb so much pain from others that it is considered “toxic” as it causes them to suffer.

    1. Heidi says:

      Hi Anna,
      I may be off here, but it sounds like what you are describing is a combo of co-dependent and Carrier?

      1. Anna says:

        Sometimes I will just walk into a room and feel the emotion. I am like a sponge. It gets too much and makes me feel sick. I get pain in my head. The only way to turn it off is to shut off all emotions.
        I can feel other peoples emotions and pain. Strangers too.
        I can also influence other peoples moods as well. It is truly bizarre.

        It is toxic because I have no filter. It just floods in. This leads me to try and isolate away from people.

        Reminds me a bit of the film scanners. Just not with voices, with emotions.

    2. Ellen says:

      Empathy itself isn’t toxic as it promotes compassion, understanding, and connection. If someone is absorbing pain to the extent that they’re suffering, this is likely a result of poor boundaries and self-awareness, possibly from codependency as Heidi says.
      There’s something known in the caring professions as vicarious trauma, I believe, and part of the training is to recognise & deal with it.

      Emotional exhaustion can result ofc from consistently prioritising the emotions and needs of others over our own, but as mentioned empathy isn’t the true cause of that.

      1. lovemrthornton says:

        Excellent summary, Ellen,

        As a real-life example to what you describe … In my role as a special education teacher, I see this play out on a daily basis. I absorb so much of my students’ emotions and challenges. My Empath Detector revealed Contagion and Carrier in the mix.
        What happens to me is that I wake up completely energized … even get to school by 6:45 a.m. to prepare. By the time I am done at 3:30, I can barely think straight because of whatever happened that day.
        On Myers Briggs, I’m a strong Extrovert in my ENFJ mix. However, I have to revert to isolation at day’s end to recover. So even though I get my “energy” from extroversion, my Contagion and Carrier aspects drain me at the same time.
        Balance is needed, so I rely a lot on meditation, yoga when I can do it physically, and prayer.
        It’s a lot.

        1. Ellen says:

          I used to be ENTJ but am testing now as ENFP. I’m about equal in thinking and feeling, but the shifts have occurred as I moved away from my old career in finance and also as I heal from the conditioning of my N-dominated family, in which all emotions were shamed (other than anger).

  48. Black Phoenix says:

    Why some UMR woman always have another Narc as IPPS and codependents as IPSSs?

  49. Bubbles says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,
    A male trans gender was just crowned Miss San Fransisco!
    This whole trans “agenda” has just gone completely insane and off the charts, propelled by activists and associated affiliates.
    I would very much appreciate your perspective, as I believe a very narcissistic element is at play… sexual predators and grooming. Not to mention the money grabbing use of drugs with collaborated invested companies.

    Many thanks

    1. Asp Emp says:

      “To be, or not to be”

      1. Bubbles says:

        Dearest Asp Emp,

        You’re 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

        1. Asp Emp says:

          Thank you, Bubbles. So are you 🙂 xx

      2. Jordyguin says:

        „Not to be“

        Arnold Schwarzenegger – Last Action Hero

        1. Asp Emp says:

          Jordyguin, thank you so very much for this! Brilliant! Made me laugh!

          (I’ve just seen this, sorry for late replay x).

          1. Jordyguin says:

            Aspi, hi! (no problem at all, you know it😘) But yep, whenever Hamlet is quoted, Arnold’s choice appears in my It’s too funny (> v<)

          2. Asp Emp says:


        2. Asp Emp says:

          I meant ‘reply’, not replay ! (eye roll)

  50. AC Milan supporter says:

    Was Silvio Berlusconi a Greater Somatic?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Use Know the Narcissist from the Knowledge Vault.

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